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Transcript

LIVE YOUR DIAMOND LIFE: Authentic Q&A for Women Chapter 5: Why Doesn’t More Money Feel like Peace? · Rock My Finances

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  Speaker 1: Investment advisory and financial planning services are offered through Simplicity
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  Speaker 2: This information is.
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  Speaker 1: Provided as a general information as not intended to be
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  Speaker 1: specific financial guidance. Before you make any decisions regarding your
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  Speaker 1: personal financial situation, you should consult a financial or tax
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  Speaker 1: professional to discuss your individual circumstances and objective.
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  Speaker 3: Welcome to the Rock My Finances show on k for
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  Speaker 3: HD Radio and Talk for TV, where we put the
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  Speaker 3: fund in finance joint powerhouse Jeffer josp CDFA CMC and
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  Speaker 3: Private Wealth Advisor as she collaborates with you to create clarity,
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  Speaker 3: control and compidence with your money, your way. It's not
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  Speaker 3: about the zeros, So what is it all about? Let's
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  Speaker 3: find out. Now Here's your host and weekly friend, Jennifer Jose.
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  Speaker 2: Hey, y'all, welcome back to Rock my finances. And this
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  Speaker 2: is a great series because I've been working for years
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  Speaker 2: and years with a lot of people, and I've answered
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  Speaker 2: a lot of questions about money. And in the financial
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  Speaker 2: services industry, there's a lot about the specifics and you know,
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  Speaker 2: stocks and bonds and radar return and all that fun stuff,
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  Speaker 2: but nobody talks about the emotions around money. So that's
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  Speaker 2: what I'm here for today. And so I have just
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  Speaker 2: accumulated all these questions over all these years, and I
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  Speaker 2: decided to do a series. So this is called Live
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  Speaker 2: Your Diamond Life and Your Authentic Q and I for women,
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  Speaker 2: this is chapter five. I'm glad you're here. Why doesn't
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  Speaker 2: more money feel like peace? We all feel like we
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  Speaker 2: just need more money to answer all of our problems
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  Speaker 2: in the world. Right if we just had more money vacation,
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  Speaker 2: we could pay off our debt, we could buy the
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  Speaker 2: next house, we could buy our cabin in the mountains,
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  Speaker 2: we could buy our beach house. We could get a
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  Speaker 2: better car, we could have better clothes, we could do
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  Speaker 2: I mean, even lately, it costs so much money to
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  Speaker 2: buy organic and to buy like our makeup and our
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  Speaker 2: skin products and our hair products. All that stuff has
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  Speaker 2: an upcharge to it just just to be healthy. Right,
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  Speaker 2: So we're always thinking of more money would solve so
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  Speaker 2: many problems, and that is true to a certain extent. Absolutely,
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  Speaker 2: I totally agree with you. You know, when they say
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  Speaker 2: money doesn't buy happiness, I disagree with that, y'all. I
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  Speaker 2: love money and I love what it buys. It absolutely
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  Speaker 2: buys me happiness. Now is that the only happiness? Absolutely not.
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  Speaker 2: Can I be happy without money? Absolutely? And that's the trick.
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  Speaker 2: It's how we feel about the zeros And if we
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  Speaker 2: can feel really good without the zeros and still feel
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  Speaker 2: that joy, that is the trick because that energy will
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  Speaker 2: manifest more of that energy, which will naturally bring in
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  Speaker 2: more of the money. So we're gonna talk about mindset here.
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  Speaker 2: We're not going to talk about actual rate returns and
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  Speaker 2: investments and things like that. So here's the first question
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  Speaker 2: that's been proposed. Number one, Why doesn't more money make
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  Speaker 2: me feel safe? Isn't that a good question? So I
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  Speaker 2: know a lot of this money equates to security, It
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  Speaker 2: equates to safety, obviously, it equates to be having choices. Right,
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  Speaker 2: If I had more money, I could have a different choice,
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  Speaker 2: I could live in a different neighborhood. I could maybe
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  Speaker 2: get a different job because I might have a really
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  Speaker 2: nice fat savings to fall back on, take my time
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  Speaker 2: finding a better company, or I could take my time
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  Speaker 2: starting my own business. So there's a lot of things
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  Speaker 2: that money can do, and why doesn't it make me
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  Speaker 2: feel safe? So what's underneath of that is safety is
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  Speaker 2: not created by money itself. It's actually created in childhood.
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  Speaker 2: So if your early environment felt unpredictable, either financially or emotionally,
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  Speaker 2: and that's the trick right there is our relationship with
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  Speaker 2: money is just like our relationship with everything else. It's
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  Speaker 2: a relationship. We have the same type of relationship with people,
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  Speaker 2: with our spouses, with our lovers, with our friends, with coworkers,
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  Speaker 2: as we do with money. So that is something I
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  Speaker 2: hope you can take away from today. What the way
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  Speaker 2: we feel about one thing is the way we feel
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  Speaker 2: about everything. So sometimes we're blaming money when we actually
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  Speaker 2: are mad at our partner. Our partner totally did something
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  Speaker 2: that has just broke the Campbell's back. And now we
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  Speaker 2: can see our numbers and we see our bank accounts,
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  Speaker 2: and we have to spend money. So we have to
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  Speaker 2: spend time doing money and we blame money for Actually,
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  Speaker 2: our partner might have done something at the party last
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  Speaker 2: night that made me feel like crap, and so it
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  Speaker 2: made me feel little or be littled or betrayed, and
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  Speaker 2: then I turn it into how I feel about money.
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  Speaker 2: So we have to separate our relationships and how we
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  Speaker 2: feel about things. So now let's go back to childhood.
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  Speaker 2: In our early environment growing up, whoever handled money and
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  Speaker 2: whoever you saw handling money. You could have visited aunts
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  Speaker 2: and uncles and grandparents and neighbors and they were discussing
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  Speaker 2: wealth and money and investments, and that's who you saw
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  Speaker 2: talk about this. And if that's the case, how did
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  Speaker 2: they talk about it? Here's the better question. How did
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  Speaker 2: you feel about money when they were talking about it?
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  Speaker 2: Were they happy? Were they excited? Were they planning trips
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  Speaker 2: and buying cars and just talking about how great life
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  Speaker 2: was when they played with their money, or were they
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  Speaker 2: the opposite? Did it feel tense to you as a child.
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  Speaker 2: Maybe one person in the household was doing the bills
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  Speaker 2: and they were really angry all the time every month
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  Speaker 2: when they were doing the bills, or they were afraid,
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  Speaker 2: they were scared because they didn't have enough money to
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  Speaker 2: pay the bills or whatever it is. You might not
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  Speaker 2: ever know what it was, but just the feeling as
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  Speaker 2: a five to six year old seven year old child
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  Speaker 2: watching someone take care of money, and if they didn't
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  Speaker 2: feel good about it, guess what you had a learned
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  Speaker 2: behavior right there, or a learned subconscious belief or thought
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  Speaker 2: that money equates pressure, stress, anger, sadness, depression, whatever you saw,
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  Speaker 2: that goes into our subconscious. So it does take a
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  Speaker 2: little excavating. If we want to have amazing money beliefs
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  Speaker 2: and amazing money thoughts and behavior, we do have to
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  Speaker 2: excavate how we came up with our current thoughts and behaviors.
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  Speaker 2: So again number one, why doesn't money make me feel
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  Speaker 2: more safe? Okay, so how did it feel in childhood?
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  Speaker 2: Was your nervous system ever alerted? Did it make you say?
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  Speaker 2: It make you feel safety doesn't last? Maybe I felt
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  Speaker 2: safe until they started talking about money, or I felt
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  Speaker 2: safe until somebody came home drunk or something. I grew
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  Speaker 2: up in an alcoholic home and gotta love them, Gotta
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  Speaker 2: love them. They did the best they could. My dad
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  Speaker 2: passed at ninety four, and he didn't drink the last
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  Speaker 2: few years of his life and so my mom's still alive,
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  Speaker 2: she's doing great, she's ninety three, and so that's they
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  Speaker 2: did the best they could, right, But I did. I
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  Speaker 2: grow up in a very unpredictable household. I didn't know
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  Speaker 2: what was going to happen when I walked into the
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  Speaker 2: door with money. When I was born or when I
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  Speaker 2: was young, they had none, like they were broke as heck.
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  Speaker 2: I did not experience any thoughts from that at this
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  Speaker 2: point in my life. I don't remember anything from there.
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  Speaker 2: I just remember growing up. I felt secure in the
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  Speaker 2: beginning of my life, thank goodness. And then my parents
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  Speaker 2: own their own business and then that's when we started
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  Speaker 2: doing well. So I never had a problem around money.
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  Speaker 2: In fact, we used to have quarters in our house
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  Speaker 2: because we owned a newspaper stands and they would pay
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  Speaker 2: for the newspapers with quarters. So my dad would have
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  Speaker 2: my friend Diana and I reach into the coffee can
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  Speaker 2: of quarters and with our little hands reach in there
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  Speaker 2: and grab a handful of quarters, and that's what we
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  Speaker 2: got to spend at the mall today that day. And
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  Speaker 2: it usually always equated to about ten bucks, and so
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  Speaker 2: that was my allowance for the week. And that's the
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  Speaker 2: way it was for years and years and years and
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  Speaker 2: years was just so fun. So money to me was fun.
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  Speaker 2: I enjoyed it. I had a blast. My mom was
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  Speaker 2: extremely frugal, so I grew up brugal. Like, if you
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  Speaker 2: look at your patterns of how you grew up around money,
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  Speaker 2: you're gonna see a lot of similarities in your adult
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  Speaker 2: But right now, so if your money doesn't make you
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  Speaker 2: feel safe, we have to look back at that. It's
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  Speaker 2: not about the money. We have to find out why
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  Speaker 2: we didn't feel safe. So if we grew up in
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  Speaker 2: an unpredictable household, then we want to have more stability
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  Speaker 2: as our adulthood. Right, So like just little things that
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  Speaker 2: I do. I make sure that I have plates by
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  Speaker 2: my front door, so my keys and my purse all
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  Speaker 2: going into the same place. I have a lot of
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  Speaker 2: rituals that I do before I leave the house. Look
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  Speaker 2: at this, look at that, so I don't forget things.
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  Speaker 2: I try to keep some type of normalcy throughout the day,
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  Speaker 2: in the week, in the seasons now, right, because every
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  Speaker 2: season is a little bit different. Just moved into a
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  Speaker 2: new house last year, so I'm creating new things, which
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  Speaker 2: is very upheaval. When I'm moving in and you know,
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  Speaker 2: not everything is stable. I feel a little like, okay,
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  Speaker 2: what's going on? And of course my money is going
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  Speaker 2: to reflect that, right, because that's how my energy feels.
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  Speaker 2: And my money's up and down when I'm feeling up
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  Speaker 2: and down. So it's not about the money. The money
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  Speaker 2: comes after our emotions. So our emotions come first. So
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  Speaker 2: look at your nervous system. How can we create safety
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  Speaker 2: in our nervous system without looking at our bank accounts
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  Speaker 2: and blaming our bank accounts. Even when money increases, our
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  Speaker 2: body still stays in that anticipation mode or the what
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  Speaker 2: if mode, waiting for the other shoe to drop, walking
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  Speaker 2: on egg shells. It still stays there no matter because
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  Speaker 2: it comes from our feelings first, even if we have
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  Speaker 2: lots of money. So we're going to say a couple things.
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  Speaker 2: In the morning. As soon as you rise, I rise
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  Speaker 2: with the sun, and I go outside, and I put
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  Speaker 2: my feet on soil, bare feet on soil, yes, at
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  Speaker 2: thirty degrees, twenty degrees, which I have done. It doesn't matter.
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  Speaker 2: Just feet on soil might be for five minutes or
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  Speaker 2: ten minutes or ten seconds, depending on how cold it is.
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  Speaker 2: And I put my hand on my heart and my
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  Speaker 2: hand on my stomach and I take three deep breaths
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  Speaker 2: and I just greet the morning. I'm here, I'm safe,
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  Speaker 2: I'm okay, I'm stable, and it just rewires our thoughts.
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  Speaker 2: I am safe, nothing is being taken from me. I
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  Speaker 2: can sit for sixty seconds. We're training our body to
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  Speaker 2: experience safety without conditions change. So if we do that
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  Speaker 2: every morning and then we say I'm safe, I'm happy,
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  Speaker 2: and I'm going to make an amazing day. Whatever your
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  Speaker 2: mantra is, say your mantra. When you wake up in
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  Speaker 2: the morning and you go out and greet the sun,
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  Speaker 2: it or whatever, whatever the weather is. It works all
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  Speaker 2: year round. It's amazing. Tells yourself that you're safe. Now.
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  Speaker 2: I'm also going to say, set an alarm on your phone,
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  Speaker 2: which is what I had to do in the beginning,
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  Speaker 2: because I get busy throughout the day and I forget.
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  Speaker 2: I started with three times a day doing that same thing,
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  Speaker 2: taking it, taking deep breast, three deep breaths, put in
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  Speaker 2: my hand, in my heart and my stomach, calming my
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  Speaker 2: nervous system. That you could do box breathing in for
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  Speaker 2: for hold for out, for hold for in for four
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  Speaker 2: out for hold for for you know that box breathing,
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  Speaker 2: any type of breathing that you think works better or
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  Speaker 2: works for you to calm your nervous system down when
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  Speaker 2: you're not feeling safe. We can trick our brain to
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  Speaker 2: feel safe just by words and breath. I hope that
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  Speaker 2: helped you. Then we look at our numbers and we
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  Speaker 2: create a plan for those who do not feel safe
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  Speaker 2: around money. I really recommend a financial advisor or a
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  Speaker 2: money coach because an advisor can give you a plan,
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  Speaker 2: one that you can relate to. I know a really
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: good one. Just say and reach out ROCKETMF dot com.
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  Speaker 2: Just say and reach out to me. But you actually
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: can learn from an advisor to help you feel safe.
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  Speaker 2: So if you have any questions, you want to ask them.
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  Speaker 2: I want to know exactly where my dollars are going,
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  Speaker 2: where they went? I need help doing this. I want
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  Speaker 2: to know where they're going to go. What do I
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: need not to eat cat food for the rest of
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  Speaker 2: my life? Like I want to know that there's not
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  Speaker 2: going to be another shoe to drop and if they're good,
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  Speaker 2: like look we do here at Diamond Life Planning. We
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  Speaker 2: make sure that we're looking at inflation. We're making sure
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  Speaker 2: that we're looking at all the things that could possibly
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  Speaker 2: come up greater return, could affect your life moving forward
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  Speaker 2: in illness, any of that, and so we look for
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  Speaker 2: the other shoe to drop so that you can feel
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  Speaker 2: safe and secure. That's exactly what we do here. So
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  Speaker 2: you want to make sure that you can do that
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  Speaker 2: to help you. I've sat with people before that had
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  Speaker 2: an amazing financial advisor and their husband's on it. Everything's great,
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  Speaker 2: but she was still stressed out. And once I sat
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  Speaker 2: with her and explained to her the numbers and what
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  Speaker 2: the numbers actually mean, she was completely fine. But we
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  Speaker 2: have to understand what's going on. And some of us
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  Speaker 2: takes us a long time because we never weren't introduced
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  Speaker 2: to money, financial words, the industry. We always felt shame
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  Speaker 2: and blame around it, and we're stupid and we don't
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  Speaker 2: know enough and I don't have enough and why would
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  Speaker 2: anybody want to talk to me and all that stuff, right,
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  Speaker 2: I mean, I didn't even get into investing until in
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  Speaker 2: by forties, so we definitely are late thirties at least,
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  Speaker 2: and so I didn't know anything. I was a single
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  Speaker 2: mom and I owned a couple of businesses, but I
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  Speaker 2: didn't know anything about investing in financial planning. So no
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  Speaker 2: one's out there knocking on our doors, right, so we
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  Speaker 2: want to know that that's okay and it's okay to learn,
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  Speaker 2: and it's easy. Women make the best investor and the
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  Speaker 2: best clients for financial planning because once you're educated and
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  Speaker 2: you understand it in your words that you need to
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  Speaker 2: hear it in, you are a badass. Like it's so amazing,
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  Speaker 2: I love, love love it. Okay. Question number two, why
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  Speaker 2: do I feel more pressure the more I earn or
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  Speaker 2: the more income I have? Ooh, this is a good one.
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  Speaker 2: So what is underneath that that pressure? You likely became
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  Speaker 2: the responsible one early in life. You might have been
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  Speaker 2: the first hero child. You had love approval and stability
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: came from perform or achieving or maybe just holding the
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  Speaker 2: family together. So the more you did good, the more
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  Speaker 2: you behaved correctly, the more I guess love adoration. Maybe
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  Speaker 2: you even got gifts, maybe even got more money, maybe
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  Speaker 2: you've got more allowance. All of that was showing you
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  Speaker 2: that the more you do better and the more you
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  Speaker 2: do good, the more you're going to make. So unfortunately,
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: now money equals you performance. Are you any perfectionists out there?
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  Speaker 2: I love it perfect. I am too for different reasons,
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  Speaker 2: but absolutely, And so we want to switch that belief.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, I did work a lot less several years
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: ago when I started going through all of the money
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  Speaker 2: coaching myself, and I doubled my income. So I worked
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  Speaker 2: a lot less and doubled my income. So or what
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  Speaker 2: you do is not equated to what you earn. So
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  Speaker 2: we're going to change that belief. So here's an exercise
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  Speaker 2: for you. We're going to write down I talk about
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  Speaker 2: journaling all the time because that's the way we get
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  Speaker 2: it out of our bodies to go get your money
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: journal and yes, you get to purchase one if you
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: haven't had one already. And we're going to write down,
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  Speaker 2: if I made less money, would I still be worthy?
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: Oh I'm sorry, scratch that. If I made less money,
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  Speaker 2: I would still be worthy because and then we're going
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  Speaker 2: to fill that in. We're going to force our brain
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  Speaker 2: to separate identity from doing from the output that we do.
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  Speaker 2: So we're going to say again, if I made less money,
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  Speaker 2: I would still be worthy because because I live every
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: day in trying to be happy and joyous. Because money
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: is not equated to my honesty, my personality my ethics.
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: It is money is not equated to my value that
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: I give the world when I walk down the street
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  Speaker 2: and smile to someone that is doing something amazing. Money
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  Speaker 2: is not equated to that. Money has nothing to do
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  Speaker 2: with who I am as a human being. Money, I believe,
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  Speaker 2: is just energy. Right, It's a tool that we have
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  Speaker 2: chosen as a society to give to pay for goods
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  Speaker 2: and services. That's all it is. We give money way
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  Speaker 2: too much credit. We give the more money, the better
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  Speaker 2: person you are. That's blowny. All, that is so blowny
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  Speaker 2: because look at a lot of people with a lot
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  Speaker 2: of wealth and they are not good human Now there
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  Speaker 2: are a lot of humans that are great that have money,
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  Speaker 2: But money has nothing to do with how good you are.
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  Speaker 2: Think of someone as just the best person you know,
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  Speaker 2: and think of their money like it has nothing to
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  Speaker 2: do with that. So we want to separate being a
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  Speaker 2: good valued human in this society versus money. It's completely
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  Speaker 2: two different things. So we're going to write down these things,
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  Speaker 2: and then I want you to write down I am
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  Speaker 2: worthy of wealth because and any negative connotations that come up,
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  Speaker 2: those are the ones we're going to cross out. And
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  Speaker 2: we're going to replay those with something positive. So I
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  Speaker 2: am worthy of wealth because and then the first thing
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  Speaker 2: comes to my mind could be I don't have a
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: college degree, so I'm not good enough. That did come
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  Speaker 2: to my mind before I got my college degree, because
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  Speaker 2: I went back to school as an adult. I thought
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  Speaker 2: I wasn't worthy enough until I had my bachelor's So
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: that was a thing for me and I had to
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: cross that out to say, Okay, I have so much
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: contribute to contribute to this society without a college degree.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: A lot of people have a lot of street smarts,
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: a lot of entrepreneurs don't have a college degree. You
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: could just be a great human that can sit there
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: and listen to people and help them and it doesn't
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: have anything to do with a college. So we want
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: to also write down I am worthy of wealth because
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: and then anything negative that comes out, that's your work,
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: that's your homework. You get to work on that side
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: of it, because that's what we want to switch our
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: belief in. Okay, number three, last question, why do I
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: feel like I could lose it all? Ooh, that's a
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: good one. What's underneath of that is past experiences of loss,
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: financial instability, divorce, betrayal, or sudden change. It creates a
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: stored belief that things don't last. Could say love doesn't last,
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: joy doesn't last, and that's inside there. So we want
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: to change that. We want to get that out. So
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: instead of enjoying money, you brace against losing it, so
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: you might hang onto money really really, really tight. I mean,
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: I'm proud of being frugal. I love it. It brings me joy.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: But it's not because I'm afraid. It's because it brings
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: me joy. I love a deal, I love a bargain.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: I love to give my clients bargains. I love all that.
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: But if you don't love it, and you're doing it
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: because it's stricting scarcity, that's a different thing. So our
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: exercise here is write three examples where number one things
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: worked out, where you thought things weren't going to work out,
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: and things worked out. So I always say the universe
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: has always got my back, and so give three examples
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: of that, and then give three examples of something horrible
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: happened and you recovered. It doesn't have to be tear
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: but I got a flat tire can be terrible, right,
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: it can be traumatic. I survived a childhood of adult alcoholics, right,
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: I survived that I did great. I survived a very emotional,
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: abusive ten year marriage. I survive that I survived trauma. Right,
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: it could be that. So I want to hear either
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: things worked out, you recovered from something, write these down,
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: or you adapted to something. So like, my mom is
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: aging right now and she's an assisted living so I'm
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: adapting to how to learn to be a caregiver. And
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: that's not my forte y'all. I'm not a great caregiver.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: So I'm very nurturing to children, young children, just saying,
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: but I'm not a great caregiver. So I'm adapting to
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: making sure my mom's okay, and I talk to her
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: and see her enough so that teaches our brain that
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: even if something changes, I'm okay. In fact, that might
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: be a mantra that you want to do when you
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: go step out on the soil in the morning, things
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: are okay, I'm going to be okay. Even when things change,
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: I'm going to be okay. I hope that all sounds good.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: Y'all can to another episode of Live Your diamondif Q
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: and A for Authentic Women and get your questions answered.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: I want you all to be able to say I
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: rock my finances.
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: We appreciate you joining us today, and don't forget to
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: subscribe to the rock my Finances YouTube channel for more
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: engagement and bonus content. Tell me what is your money story?
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: Let's find out with Jennifer right here on K four
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: HD Radio and Talk for TV. It's not about the zero,
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: It's about the F word. Feelings, feelings. Jennifer can't wait
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: to explore with you next week. Until then, let's all
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: say I rock my Finances.