Latest / The Naked Room / Sex, drugs, and juice boxes

Transcript

Sex, drugs, and juice boxes · The Naked Room

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, you know how I started taking those libido pills?
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, the Gaia... The horny goat weed.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, horny goat weed.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_01: Gaia herbs or whatever it is.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: What do you think came first?
• 0:12
  Do you think that they call it horny goat weed because it
• 0:15
  potentially makes you horny?
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: Horny?
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: Potentially makes you horny?
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: Or did horny...
• 0:23
  come after come is did that term come from like i think we
• 0:28
  should look we should
• 0:28
  look that i know add that hey imaginary podcast assistant write
• 0:35
  it down lug nut lug
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_02: nut take some notes lug nut the dog um yeah we should look that up
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: No dress code.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: No rules.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Just B-Y-O-U.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's time to tell society that it's a taboo.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: You can be the you-est you here in the naked room.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_02: But this morning...
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: I remember my dreams.
• 1:02
  The first part of my dream was that Curtis and I were planning
• 1:07
  our wedding.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_02: It was like a second wedding.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_02: And there was obviously it's a dream.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_02: There's a lot of chaos going on.
• 1:13
  But the end,
• 1:14
  the end of my dream was me coming down to make out with myself
• 1:21
  and
• 1:25
  so I'm like what and I'm really disappointed with myself
• 1:30
  because I did not ask for
• 1:31
  my own content I was like oh my god dream you is terrible I had
• 1:35
  a moment where I
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_02: was like
• 1:37
  okay i guess we're doing that i guess we're making out yeah i'm
• 1:43
  like i think the
• 1:44
  libido pills are working oh my god i'm making out with myself
• 1:47
  like what is the what
• 1:48
  is the meaning behind that that's so funny maybe it's like i'm
• 1:51
  feeling myself or
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_02: something yeah i don't know
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_02: Like we started,
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_02: we,
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: myself,
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: me,
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_02: myself,
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_02: and I started to like,
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_02: I put my face down on my face and started to kiss.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_02: And then the alarm went off or something.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_02: But I just remember being like, okay, that was fucking weird.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_02: Were you a good kisser?
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_02: It was awkward.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_02: But then.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:15
  And I remember having that moment of thinking like,
• 2:18
  this is weird because it's just it's me.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_02: So why is this not flowing?
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_02: Why isn't there more like chemistry here?
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_02: But I was but I was like I was like into it.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_02: So I feel like I'm like Gaia herbs.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_02: Let's see.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_02: Let's see how the next month goes.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: So you've been you started taking them.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: Has it been like a week?
• 2:39
  yeah and you have to take them like three times a day yeah that
• 2:43
  was wild to me
• 2:44
  because i'm like i know the things that are on the market for
• 2:46
  us versus like this
• 2:48
  like a one hill that dudes can take like i know can we can we
• 2:51
  do a little better
• 2:52
  yeah i won't even take something that's good for my everyday
• 2:56
  health three times a
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: day like fuck it nope
• 3:00
  yeah i've gotten way too into gummies that now if it doesn't
• 3:03
  come in a gummy i feel
• 3:04
  like i won't take it it's like so kind of look forward to it
• 3:07
  though because they do
• 3:08
  taste good yeah and i and i will not forget because it's like
• 3:11
  my little treat i'm
• 3:12
  like oh like the other day oliver's leaving for work and i feel
• 3:15
  like he just
• 3:16
  thought i was eating like a handful of candy because i had like
• 3:18
  five or six gummies
• 3:20
  i'm just like all right i'm loading up it's like five in the
• 3:23
  morning and i'm just
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_02: like i'm on candy that's funny so stupid
• 3:27
  I just I just can't wrap my head around how they get all of the
• 3:32
  all of like how
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_02: they put everything in that tiny little capsule.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's true.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_02: How does that happen?
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_02: How does that work?
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_02: Because we're eating all of this food.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_02: But have you ever taken like a like a mushroom capsule?
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_02: No, maybe.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, they get all those drugs in one capsule.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that kind of capsule.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yes.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_02: I've microdosed.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_02: No, I didn't.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_02: I was thinking like because the mushroom supplements are like super big,
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_02: not like lion's mane and all that.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_02: I actually did just get some gummies.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_02: The sleep gummies have like lion's mane.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_02: It's a mushroom.
• 4:11
  sleep gummy yeah yeah it doesn't have melatonin in it which is
• 4:16
  supposed to be
• 4:17
  really bad for your circadian rhythm yeah i don't take
• 4:19
  melatonin yeah magnesium is
• 4:21
  in it too i think i take magnesium that's one of my gummies i
• 4:25
  take yep before i go
• 4:26
  to bed i think the best for sleep yeah i like it a calm is the
• 4:30
  brand shout out calm
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: oh yes um and i they had i did a
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: So I got the orange ones.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: Also did the powder.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: But again, with the powder, like I won't drink a whole thing of liquid.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just bad about that stuff.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: The gummies are so easy.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's really easy.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: I wish everything came in a gummy.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: It is.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_02: I do like the gummies.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_02: They're basically just turning us into big children.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I am a big child, so it works.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: So we...
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: Me so horny.
• 5:07
  We've got our big old jar questions that have been really great
• 5:10
  at prompting us to
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: share information with each other.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: We definitely go down some like tangent bunny trails,
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: which I love because I feel like one question leads.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: It just like opens the floodgates.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_02: I do like this format,
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_02: too,
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_02: because I don't listen to a ton of podcasts,
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_02: but I have not heard of any other podcasts that are doing that.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_02: This type of format where you just like pull out a question.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: The element of surprise is so fun.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: It's really fun.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's,
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: I would find it fun as a listener and I definitely find it fun as a.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like what are they going to pull out today?
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: Should I start?
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: I got it.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: Here we go.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's satisfying.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: Let's do that again.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't do it the second time.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's like.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: It's like it has to get more like... Yeah.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: That wasn't that bad.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: We're diving in with a serious one.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: First question of the day, Kelly.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: What is your purpose?
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: What is my purpose?
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_02: Hmm...
• 6:17
  to part of my purpose is to leave the world better than when i
• 6:26
  can whatever my
• 6:27
  interpretation is better than when i came into it i definitely
• 6:31
  want to be impactful
• 6:32
  i want to spread more kindness in the world um i just want to
• 6:42
  be a catalyst for
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_02: positive change
• 6:47
  And having these conversations feels like it's right where I'm
• 6:52
  supposed to be.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: I like that.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: It does feel like you're right where you're supposed to be.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: I've never seen you feel – never seen you feel?
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: I've never felt – I've never felt you – never felt you.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: I was born with this body.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: Except for that one time.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like I've never seen you this,
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: in the pocket of what you...
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like,
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: there's things that you've...
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: Throughout our relationship,
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: our friendship,
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: I've seen you in different...
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: like projects and chapters and things.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: And you always do go all in, like when you decide on something.
• 7:31
  But I feel like sometimes there's always been a little element
• 7:35
  of like uncertainty.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like you're still doing it.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like you're like, I'm in and I'm doing it.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: But like, is this right?
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: And this,
• 7:42
  like the podcast and just like being here and you're in like
• 7:46
  opening up and feeling
• 7:47
  like you have like a want to create a platform for others and a
• 7:51
  message is like
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: probably the first time I've seen you like
• 7:55
  somehow marry insane ambition with like super chill relaxed
• 8:03
  vibe it's like so funny
• 8:04
  because you're like so ambitious about it but just like zen
• 8:09
  like it's a zen
• 8:10
  ambition which is a really cool which means it's flow yeah
• 8:14
  exactly that's the
• 8:15
  feeling that you get yeah i think also my last year and a half
• 8:21
  almost year and a
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_02: half has been
• 8:25
  wildly transformative while also feeling like nothing is moving
• 8:30
  yeah like I know
• 8:34
  I've been really like I launched my I left Red Bull left
• 8:39
  corporate launched my
• 8:40
  business and that's that kind of I guess we can just say it
• 8:44
  failed like it didn't
• 8:45
  do it didn't do much of anything yeah whatever I was trying
• 8:49
  wasn't really working
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_02: and to me that's an indication that I
• 8:54
  I'm trying to force something and that I'm not on – I'm not
• 8:57
  meant to be on that path anymore.
• 9:00
  That's what it felt like because I felt like everything that
• 9:03
  you were doing was –
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: like it was correct.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 9:05
  And you weren't trying to like,
• 9:09
  for lack of better terms,
• 9:10
  sell something that you didn't have.
• 9:12
  Like you – it was all there but it was like the fact that it
• 9:16
  wasn't clicking –
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: Was what told me that it wasn't your purpose and it wasn't for you.
• 9:21
  Because otherwise it would...
• 9:22
  There's every sign was there pointing to this is fine.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: Like this works.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: This makes sense.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:29
  So I feel like that was a big like...
• 9:32
  Not a red flag,
• 9:33
  but it was like a...
• 9:34
  like a neon yeah something's going on like you need to this is
• 9:39
  one way you're on
• 9:40
  you're on going the wrong way yeah i was like sorry this road
• 9:44
  is not for you your
• 9:45
  vehicle won't fit down this tiny road yeah your big old bus are
• 9:49
  you saying that i
• 9:49
  have a fat ass you got a big old bus your ideas don't fit in a
• 9:54
  little vespa yes
• 9:56
  going down that little italian countryside road you were trying
• 9:59
  to go down yes
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah,
• 10:01
  and I think the bigger thing that I've been contemplating is I
• 10:06
  did take a leap of
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_02: faith and left my corporate job,
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_02: which is otherwise considered safe,
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_02: even though,
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_02: let's be honest,
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_02: there's not really any safety right now because there's no loyalty.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_02: On the corporate side.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_02: But I left the job.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_02: I took the leap of faith and I that was me betting on myself.
• 10:25
  But then I still created a business that would require me to
• 10:32
  get work from other people.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_02: In the same way.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_02: way that I was functioning within corporate, basically.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah,
• 10:39
  it was like you had this skill and this talent that there was
• 10:47
  still a piece in
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: between it,
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: which meant that you couldn't just be like,
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: I have this,
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: and then here,
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: you need this.
• 10:53
  It was like that person already had to be doing something of
• 10:55
  their own in order to
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: fit you into their plan.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_02: The big takeaway for me is that I...
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_02: have to leap even harder and farther.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_02: And bet on myself in a way where I am the business.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_02: Instead of I created a business and now please hire me.
• 11:17
  I'm going to use my voice and I'm going to be a host and I'm
• 11:19
  going to do these
• 11:20
  things where I put myself in more of the spotlight for things
• 11:24
  that I really believe
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_02: in.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_02: And that's the bigger purpose, at least in this chapter of my life.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I love that.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, tapping you in, what's your purpose?
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: I've tapped in.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: What is my purpose?
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, how do I follow that up?
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: That all definitely resonated with me.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: It felt very much like if you boil it down to the National Park,
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: leave things better than they were.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: But I think...
• 11:50
  I mean,
• 11:50
  I've done so – I feel like when people say,
• 11:53
  like,
• 11:53
  what's your purpose?
• 11:54
  The first thing that I think most people think of is,
• 11:57
  like,
• 11:57
  your job or your career.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I do think of that a little bit.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: Like,
• 12:03
  I have recognized and kind of reflected on the fact that most
• 12:07
  of the jobs or gigs
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: or projects or hustles that I've been most comfortable in –
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: or most happy in have been in some way making something more beautiful.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: And it's funny because it's been like as,
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: as like black and white as like makeup,
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: like literally like,
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: adding to somebody's beauty,
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: enhancing somebody's beauty or,
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: lands like landscaping or working on boats or something like,
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: like basically in enhancing and improving things.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: So I do feel like there's something in my,
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: in my DNA and my makeup,
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: in my purpose,
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: that is when I see things like I want to make them,
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: I want to bring out the best in them.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like I want to make it be its best version of itself.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes that's a person.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes that's a plant.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_01: And so there's that.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_01: And then I feel really strongly connected to inspiring people
• 13:06
  the like evoking emotion in people and I think that's where
• 13:10
  music comes in like
• 13:11
  music has been such a big part of my life since I was younger
• 13:16
  and where I love
• 13:18
  listening to music and consuming music and all that like and
• 13:23
  writing it when I come
• 13:25
  back to the purpose of like making music and what part of it is
• 13:30
  the most impactful
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: for me it's knowing that like
• 13:37
  The first time I ever wrote a song and played it for somebody
• 13:42
  when I was like 14
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: and saw them cry and was like,
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_01: whoa,
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: I wrote this about my own experience and my emotions.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I understand why it would make me cry.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: But this person also feels it.
• 13:57
  And they're releasing an emotion that they may have been
• 14:00
  holding on to or not
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: feeling completely.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like a big believer in that.
• 14:04
  going through your emotions and not around them and I think
• 14:07
  music is one of those
• 14:10
  sneaky things that helps people do that because a lot of people
• 14:13
  want to like you
• 14:14
  know put it push it down not deal with it think about it later
• 14:18
  but then like a
• 14:18
  certain song comes on or a lyric that like you resonate with
• 14:22
  and I think a big part
• 14:23
  of my purpose is making sure that that doesn't become lost and
• 14:27
  that I continue to
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: share that as often as possible
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_02: And it's amazing sometimes what is going to resonate with someone else.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_02: And you think that it's just a trivial thing that you threw out there,
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_02: but it really hits people.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_02: And that's also a really interesting thing to witness.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_02: When you're like, really?
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_02: That's the thing that got you?
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_02: Whatever.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_02: Great.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_02: Whatever.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_02: I would call you a beautifier.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:55
  and that's that you're meant to be a beautifier and you also
• 15:01
  you're talking about
• 15:03
  evoking emotions and people i'm like you are a very safe space
• 15:09
  for people like
• 15:09
  people trust you very quickly and you also hold a lot of space
• 15:14
  for people which
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_02: obviously you have to protect your energy at some point with that but
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_02: Getting better at that.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah,
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: yeah,
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_02: no,
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_02: you have you have like,
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_02: since I've known you,
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_02: you've definitely set up better boundaries for yourself.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_02: I think both of us have improved in that way.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_01: But which comes with age and time.
• 15:33
  I feel like,
• 15:33
  you know,
• 15:34
  it's like,
• 15:34
  I don't even know if that's something that
• 15:36
  we ever probably even discussed in our 20s even like oh i need
• 15:40
  to be have better
• 15:41
  boundaries or something like we probably started feeling and
• 15:44
  understanding that
• 15:45
  it's something that needed to occur but it wasn't even until i
• 15:48
  think in my 30s that
• 15:49
  i was like oh yeah this is something like it doesn't just
• 15:51
  happen you have to like
• 15:52
  actively do that but well that conversation also became part of
• 15:57
  the zeitgeist
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_02: With people being like, oh, my nervous system is dysregulated.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_02: I'm feeling – I can feel a shift in my body when I meditate.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_02: I can feel – like when I have this time to myself, it's a reset.
• 16:11
  And I think maybe we didn't have the language in that time
• 16:16
  period about what was going on.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_02: I think you and I have always been pretty self-aware, but –
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_02: maybe we didn't have the same level of awareness as we do now.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, also not the same language.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I feel that.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: I feel the space holding and stuff.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: That came to mind too.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: I think if I –
• 16:39
  beautifying things evoking emotion and like I've always felt to
• 16:44
  my core to my core
• 16:46
  I don't know why that came out so southern but to my core I
• 16:50
  don't know if it's like
• 16:51
  my like deep Cherokee background but it's like I have such a
• 16:55
  warrior is like always
• 16:56
  the the term that comes to mind but not in a way where it's
• 16:59
  like I feel like I'm
• 17:00
  always like wanting to fight like it's just like I feel very
• 17:03
  protective of the
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: people in my life and the things that I've like
• 17:07
  the things that I hold dear and so I know that it's like not
• 17:12
  even a part of me that
• 17:13
  I feel like I have control over but like sitting you know you
• 17:17
  know that about me
• 17:18
  like even going into a restaurant like I never want I don't
• 17:21
  feel like a person that
• 17:22
  is distrusting but I feel like a person who's always who always
• 17:26
  wants to be very
• 17:27
  observant and feel like I have the ability to protect the
• 17:32
  people that I love and
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_01: the things that
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_02: You're basically a CIA agent.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_02: I was a CIA agent.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: Don't tell anyone.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_02: It's top secret.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_01: That was my, I guess that probably was my purpose.
• 17:45
  I have a little tangent that I came up with when you were
• 17:50
  saying all this.
• 17:51
  But I was talking to my mom last night about how some major
• 17:54
  thing that's changed
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_02: within me is how I'm spending a lot of time with way fewer people.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_02: So like you and I spend a ton of time together.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_02: And then there's like a few other friends.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_02: Like this is my hometown.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_02: I know people from growing up.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_02: And I have like one really good friend from –
• 18:13
  Like who I've known since second grade,
• 18:15
  who I've been spending a good amount of time with.
• 18:18
  I would like to see her more actually,
• 18:19
  but a good amount of time with since I've been back here.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_02: Small talk is like really exhausting.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's cringy almost at this point.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: I feel you.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like I've gotten more introverted.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like we were talking about that.
• 18:30
  just quality over quantity as you yeah like you don't you're
• 18:33
  not like i need to go
• 18:35
  out and i need to like be seen and and now you know like have
• 18:39
  this experience
• 18:41
  that's really like vast and excuse me vast vast the experience
• 18:47
  it's very vast and
• 18:48
  and and like like options i think that was like the thing when
• 18:52
  we were younger
• 18:53
  where it's like you feel like you want to have all these like
• 18:54
  options you're like
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_01: going from the
• 18:56
  bar to that bar you're talking to these people you're over here
• 18:58
  you're having this
• 18:59
  drink then you're switching to this drink and it's like you you
• 19:02
  just weed out and
• 19:03
  weed you pare down it's like you keep paring down and paring
• 19:06
  down and that's maybe
• 19:07
  not true for everybody there might be somebody who's like 50
• 19:09
  and listening and like
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: girl yeah still but
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: But I think overall, true extrovert.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like I've noticed definitely about myself the same where I just want,
• 19:20
  I want to nourish and put energy and into the relationships
• 19:26
  that I've seen sustain
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: all the shit that we end up going through as we get older.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_01: You know,
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_01: it's not,
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: not that like being younger is like easy,
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: but just like you start,
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: you have those same friends like you and I,
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: like we met.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: not met,
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: but like we became friends because you were like,
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: my dad had passed away and you were like,
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_01: I want to take you out to lunch.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: This is the thing that like, I feel like you need somebody.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I did.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like you form those like adult relationships with people.
• 19:54
  And it's not like we didn't sit at a party over,
• 19:58
  you know,
• 19:58
  like a red solo cup being like,
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_01: Cool.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like what do you what makeup do you use?
• 20:03
  Like it was real heavy heavy hitting talk from like the start
• 20:08
  and our relationship
• 20:10
  like that's the foundation that we've carried which is really
• 20:14
  cool because we've
• 20:15
  I've always felt really safe bringing up like big heavy topics
• 20:18
  to you and I think
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_01: vice versa.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_02: No, I keep it real surface.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_02: Keep it real surface.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_03: Just like, yeah.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_02: As you can tell from the questions.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_02: I remember that lunch was at the alcove on Hillhurst in Los Feliz.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_02: I love that place.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_02: That's like, that has a very like big spot in my heart.
• 20:37
  Because I started going there when I was right,
• 20:39
  like right when I moved to LA.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_02: There was something else that I...
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, oh, I remember what it was.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_02: It's like a shedding of a certain skin.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_02: Like, yeah, really.
• 20:50
  There's part of it that feels really uncomfortable because it's
• 20:53
  like I don't
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_02: identify with certain parts of myself that used to exist.
• 21:00
  Like I used to get a lot of self myself worth from having a ton
• 21:04
  of acquaintances
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_02: and like going places and being like,
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_02: oh,
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_02: hey,
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_02: girl,
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_02: what's up?
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like, yeah, I know all these people.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_02: Look at look at how popular I am.
• 21:13
  And now when I come home or I go out in L.A.,
• 21:18
  for the most part,
• 21:18
  I want to be anonymous.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_02: Same.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I see someone who I know but I haven't seen in a while.
• 21:25
  I just don't want to do the song and dance of like,
• 21:29
  oh,
• 21:29
  yeah,
• 21:30
  how have you been?
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_02: What's going on?
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_02: I haven't seen you in so many years.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like that's like.
• 21:36
  I sometimes I feel like such a curmudgeon because like other
• 21:40
  than I mean,
• 21:41
  just select.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah,
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_01: like my close friends,
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_01: obviously,
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_01: like when I say this,
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_01: it doesn't include you and it doesn't include like my partner and stuff.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_01: But for the most part, I just want to be left the fuck alone.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_03: Like,
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_03: I have so much...
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_03: I mean,
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_03: you moved to a place that kind of...
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah,
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: I mean,
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: I have.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: I've been manifesting this where...
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I've moved so much probably because of that same,
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_01: desire for being anonymous.
• 22:06
  Like,
• 22:06
  just being like,
• 22:07
  fuck,
• 22:07
  I just want to be able to...
• 22:09
  You're like the female Bon Iver.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just like, I want to... I want to...
• 22:14
  hunker down and I want to work on art and I want to emerge only
• 22:19
  when I feel like I
• 22:20
  have the social battery to do so and when I want to share
• 22:25
  things with people and
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_01: that doesn't mean necessarily like if somebody needs me they can't like
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like if you need me,
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_01: if even a stranger,
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: I'm the type of person that they're like,
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_01: I really need to talk.
• 22:36
  Like I have a lot of friends like long distance who we don't
• 22:39
  talk that often.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_01: And they have understood and recognize that if they call me,
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm probably not going to answer my phone.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's so many times where I'm like, I just don't have –
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_01: I just don't feel like chatting.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not anything to do with that person.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: But this is what fills my cup.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm sitting three feet from you.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: And we're really talking about something.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: We're like building something.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: We're sharing something like that really fills my cup.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I know in a way that's not fair because,
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 23:07
  all the friends that we've made along the way can't be right
• 23:10
  here in the matching
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_01: Papazon chair across from me.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah.
• 23:15
  I think that luckily the friends that have kind of faded away
• 23:18
  are the ones who are
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: that doesn't work for me.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like I need to talk to you every day.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_01: I need to feel like I know what's going on.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't know how to stress enough to like those people that I'm like,
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even know what the fuck is going on.
• 23:30
  Like there's so much in my head all the time,
• 23:33
  clattering and clamoring around that.
• 23:35
  that it's very like I feel like I've had to curate friends that
• 23:40
  really understand
• 23:41
  me like you and you know like my partner Oliver who like has
• 23:45
  his own quirkiness
• 23:47
  about him like we understand each other where when I'm like I'm
• 23:50
  overstimulated I
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_01: need to go and like write or play guitar or
• 23:55
  shut myself out for a while or you know if we go and do like a
• 23:58
  social gathering
• 23:59
  thing together we can like give each other that look that's
• 24:01
  like we're gonna go
• 24:02
  home and just be with the dogs yes let's go like it's like very
• 24:06
  yeah opposite of
• 24:09
  when we you know first met each other in LA and we were like oh
• 24:12
  a magazine party
• 24:13
  let's go like and then let's go to a bar after that and there's
• 24:17
  a fun in that too
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_01: like I think that
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_01: We've also talked about that,
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_01: you and I,
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_01: and then our other friend,
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_01: Emily,
• 24:24
  about how we don't feel super feminine sometimes because those
• 24:30
  circumstances,
• 24:30
  while they were really maybe overstimulating and we were like
• 24:33
  hanging around,
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_01: it gave us these constant opportunities to like...
• 24:38
  dress up and like go out and feel yeah like feel like we were
• 24:42
  you know out
• 24:43
  peacocking or whatever like and and we don't do that as often
• 24:47
  and I've been trying
• 24:48
  to be really aware of that and find opportunities to um still
• 24:56
  like utilize my
• 24:58
  femininity even if I'm not going out to a club every couple
• 25:02
  nights a week or
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_01: whatever and
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: it's shifted into doing that with like workout gear or whatever.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like I was telling Emily that I'm like,
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_01: well,
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_01: I used to just throw on like an old band t-shirt and a pair of like,
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_01: boxer shorts and like run.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_01: But now I do feel better if I like put on a matching Lululemon set.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_01: And like, it makes me feel like I'm really put together.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_01: And that's how I've shifted that.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_02: Well, there's so many different versions of feminine too.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 25:31
  i feel really feminine like i wear those kind of oversized
• 25:35
  cotton shirts now but
• 25:36
  then i'll wear like you thought i didn't have pants on
• 25:38
  yesterday i'm like why don't
• 25:42
  you wear pants next time yeah i wear i'll wear like short like
• 25:47
  i'll show off my
• 25:48
  legs like i'm concealing more like the top but i also like to
• 25:51
  show cleavage so
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_02: because i got i got some good cleavage um
• 25:57
  But I used to feel like it had to be tight,
• 26:00
  tight,
• 26:01
  you know,
• 26:01
  like it was tight,
• 26:02
  tight,
• 26:02
  tight.
• 26:03
  It's like I wear tight pants and I wear a tight shirt,
• 26:06
  you know,
• 26:07
  and look at this body.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 26:09
  And it's and it's it's shifted for me,
• 26:13
  but I think it's really about finding
• 26:16
  your own femininity yeah you know really like whatever you feel
• 26:21
  best and and if
• 26:22
  that is like honestly i don't i think that a matching set from
• 26:27
  lululemon or athleta
• 26:28
  or something is like one of the most feminine things i can
• 26:31
  think of yeah isn't it
• 26:32
  funny it's like owning yeah it's like owning like i'm going and
• 26:36
  i'm gonna go work
• 26:37
  out i'm gonna be strong i'm gonna do yoga i'm gonna have
• 26:40
  flexibility yeah it
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_02: represents so much
• 26:44
  as far as like taking care of yourself and being I think that's
• 26:48
  the thing too is
• 26:49
  like I had to work that like I had to shift that energy into
• 26:55
  okay like what are the
• 26:56
  things that I'm that I'm doing like you know I'm not going out
• 26:59
  anymore but I'm
• 27:00
  trying to like work out more often and so shifting it to that
• 27:03
  or shifting it even
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_01: to just like
• 27:05
  you know like before you come over like i don't have a camera
• 27:08
  on me right now but i
• 27:09
  still you know brushed my hair kind of and like put on a little
• 27:13
  bit of makeup and
• 27:14
  like you know i i try to keep my nails done like the little
• 27:17
  things like that that
• 27:18
  just like kind of remind me because i do have a lot of like
• 27:21
  masculine hobbies i
• 27:22
  feel like so i have to like i have to balance it out with with
• 27:25
  like girly things
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_02: sometimes i don't think even though you do have a lot of
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_02: what would be considered masculine hobbies.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think of you as masculine at all, though.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_02: That's nice.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_02: You ain't butch, girl.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_02: You ain't butch.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_01: No, you are...
• 27:46
  I still think of you as really feminine because I also know
• 27:49
  that you're a makeup
• 27:50
  artist and you did lashes for a long time and you care about
• 27:55
  your face care and
• 27:58
  like you have a really good like skin routine and obviously men
• 28:03
  can do all of that
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_02: as well.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_02: But that usually kind of teeters on the side of feminine.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, true.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_02: Should we ask another question?
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_02: It's your turn.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_02: I liked that tangent, though.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I know.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_02: That was a good one.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_02: So many tangents.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_02: That's the whole point.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_02: Whoop, whoop, whoop.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_02: Shake it, shake it.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_01: To age gracefully.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's a good one.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_01: I like that.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_01: It kind of matches what we were talking about.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_01: See, it just now it's like just flowing in.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_01: What methods am I using to age gracefully?
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_01: Well, definitely skin care.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_01: I've always been pretty good.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like if I were to grade myself on my sunscreen use throughout my,
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_01: we'll say adult life,
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_01: because I know when I was like 14,
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_01: I was slathering myself and cooking oil and laying out in my yard.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_01: Not great.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_01: Aren't we all?
• 28:49
  But as 20s until now,
• 28:53
  I would grade myself a 7.5 on a 1 to 10 scale for sunscreen.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_01: I've been better than most, but I probably could be better.
• 29:02
  So I'm trying to be better about that every day because I feel
• 29:06
  like it's even
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_01: gotten to the point where...
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_01: We need it more than we used to year round.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_01: So sunscreen for sure.
• 29:15
  Moisturizing like I have these little tricks where I will get
• 29:19
  like I love that a
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_01: lot of products now have things I can't say enough about it.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like a broken record, but they have them in like sticks.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_01: So like a sunscreen stick or a serum stick or a moisturizer stick.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_01: And it makes it so convenient.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_01: One, because you can carry it anywhere.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_01: Two, because you don't have to touch the product or your face.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like you can just like swipe it on like it's like mini deodorant.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_02: So you're not getting the oils from your fingers on your face.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_01: And so I've been trying to anytime I find a really good one,
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_01: like a cure used to make one I really liked.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_01: And now I'm into like Weleda, I think is how you say it.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_01: They have like a serum stick that's really nice.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_01: And when I find one I like,
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_01: I try to buy two if I can,
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 30:03
  finances allow at the moment because I'll leave one either like
• 30:07
  in my makeup bag or
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_01: my nightstand and then I'll put one in my truck.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yes.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't apply.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because I don't.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 30:14
  And I don't like I don't drive as much as I did when I lived in
• 30:17
  Nantucket.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_01: But when I was in Nantucket,
• 30:19
  I had like six different types of stick sunscreens in my glove
• 30:24
  box and my center
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_01: console is constantly putting them on.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_01: So skin care.
• 30:29
  aging gracefully i'm also trying to i think stress is a huge
• 30:34
  factor in aging and
• 30:36
  just your health yep so i've definitely breaks down your dna
• 30:39
  yeah it breaks down
• 30:40
  your dna and cortisol i definitely feel like it took me until
• 30:45
  now to find control
• 30:48
  over stress like realize that i am in the driver's seat and
• 30:52
  that if i want to
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_01: decide that this isn't actually that stressful of a
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_01: that I can calm my nerves and do all of the things,
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_01: whatever,
• 31:02
  whether it's like meditating or just like taking a walk or
• 31:05
  putting on calming music
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_01: or whatever,
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_01: lighting a candle,
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_01: like these little things.
• 31:10
  It's like I curate all this stuff around me to try to limit the
• 31:15
  amount of stress as
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_01: much as possible.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like that has helped immensely because –
• 31:25
  Oliver used to when we first moved back to LA I think the first
• 31:30
  like year probably
• 31:32
  the whole two years but the first year for sure I know I was a
• 31:35
  lot more stressed I
• 31:36
  was like having trouble finding work yeah a big family illness
• 31:39
  happened in his
• 31:40
  family where that we weren't expecting so we and he ended up
• 31:43
  shifting his um kind
• 31:46
  of plan entirely like his plan was to go there and work on
• 31:49
  creative things and
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_01: maybe even get into acting and things like that.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_01: And he ended up becoming a caregiver, like full time.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_01: So there was a lot of stress in our household.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_01: And
• 32:01
  probably weekly like at least once a week like he would look at
• 32:05
  me and be like you
• 32:05
  look so stressed like i would wear it on my face like my my
• 32:10
  eyebrows and just like
• 32:11
  my resting face wasn't like resting bitch face it was like
• 32:14
  resting worry face i had
• 32:16
  stress i had rwf like so i was just always like the weight was
• 32:20
  just like weighing
• 32:21
  on me of like oh shit like what are we going to do now what
• 32:23
  does this mean and how
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_01: you know how will this happen and
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_01: I had eczema on my arm.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like all these things happen from just the emotional stress.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_01: Eczema on my arm.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_01: My hair was thinning.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_01: I was gaining weight.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_01: I felt like my face looked older because I look at my face a lot.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_01: And so I can tell...
• 32:43
  there was a difference so that really drove it home for me that
• 32:48
  managing your
• 32:49
  stress isn't just something people are like you should manage
• 32:51
  your stress better
• 32:52
  cortisol is bad for you right i was like oh shit how do i do
• 32:55
  that yeah exactly
• 32:56
  because it is it's easier said than done because you're
• 32:58
  especially like you know
• 33:00
  when some when you're worried about something and somebody's
• 33:02
  like just don't worry
• 33:03
  and you're like that makes me worry even more you know it's
• 33:05
  even more you're like
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_01: shut up shut up don't tell me that
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_01: And so I had to I had to,
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_01: it took and it's like I said,
• 33:14
  it's not it's easier said than done because it took me like two
• 33:16
  fucking years.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like I went through two whole years feeling that way.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_01: And it wasn't until we got here.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I know that like nature helps for me.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_01: Feeling that I'm not surrounded by people helps me a ton.
• 33:30
  So the fact that we are in this cabin and I look out and I
• 33:33
  don't see other houses or humans.
• 33:36
  I see my animals,
• 33:37
  my chickens,
• 33:38
  my plants,
• 33:39
  my pile of dirt that I need to move into the garden.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_01: But that doesn't stress me out.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_01: That doesn't stress you out.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, that's all right.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_02: Well, your dogs keep eating it for nutrients.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_01: And their health.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_01: Lugnut is chomping away.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_01: It'll be gone eventually.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 33:53
  Those would be two of my – like that would be like an internal
• 33:57
  and an external.
• 33:58
  Like definitely taking care of my skin because that – I can see
• 34:02
  the – I think if
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_01: the physical aging,
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know how I'm going to handle that.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_01: Like see,
• 34:07
  I think that I'll – I think I ride the line between being like
• 34:09
  I think it will be
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_01: really cool to see how I age and like –
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_01: what that looks like on me.
• 34:14
  But I also do feel like I have a little bit of vanity that
• 34:17
  we'll all have to
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: overcome being like,
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_01: well,
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_01: I don't look young anymore.
• 34:22
  And you know,
• 34:23
  like that's definitely gonna be a struggle,
• 34:24
  but I'm here riding that wave,
• 34:26
  man.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_02: The last thing you said resonates with me so deeply because,
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_02: again,
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_02: I brought up my self-worth earlier about having a lot of acquaintances.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of my self-worth,
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_02: and I think that a lot of people will relate to this,
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_02: a lot of women and men probably too.
• 34:43
  um is has been about my about physical yeah that you look good
• 34:49
  physicalities yeah
• 34:50
  and i'm like i do think that i'm aging pretty gracefully
• 34:53
  considering i'm just like
• 34:55
  i'm waiting i'm like what year in my 40s am i gonna be like
• 34:58
  boom all of a sudden
• 34:59
  haggard yeah right yeah just like turn you wake up one day like
• 35:04
  you're in a movie
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_03: and you're like oh no
• 35:06
  my skin melted 13 going on 70 yeah exactly shit i'm like i'm
• 35:12
  turning 42 i am
• 35:15
  completely fine with having like laugh lines and yeah that
• 35:20
  shows that i have a
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_02: joyful life and that i'm happy and um
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to be completely like wrinkle free necessarily,
• 35:30
  but it's just about having like good skin texture and feeling
• 35:35
  like things are
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_02: moisturized,
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_02: looking moisturized and like healthy,
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_02: I guess.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_01: Interesting that we kind of do equate like youthfulness with healthiness,
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_01: which I guess is true to some extent.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, it does kind of suck that we've created this society.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_01: I did a lot of unhealthy things as a younger person.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right?
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_01: Like more than now.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, it's weird.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like two things came to mind when you said that one,
• 35:59
  we definitely have to be I think that's why we need to be
• 36:01
  better about like,
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_01: telling,
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_01: little girls,
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_01: especially but really anybody when they're youthful,
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_01: like driving home only that they're so pretty.
• 36:11
  Or that they,
• 36:11
  you know,
• 36:12
  like I love the movement of telling young people like you're so
• 36:17
  smart.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_01: You're so creative.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_01: These things that don't change with age.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like in that movie The Help where she's like you is kind.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you is kind.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_02: And like I. You can be so much more than just your physical attributes.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 36:31
  And I feel like that's probably part of the reason I'll
• 36:33
  struggle with that a little
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_01: bit because I feel like growing up.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like I don't ever remember.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I don't know.
• 36:40
  My parents were really good about it,
• 36:41
  like being like,
• 36:42
  oh,
• 36:42
  wow,
• 36:42
  you're really smart.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_01: But like, I just feel like you are really smart.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_01: You're witty as fuck.
• 36:49
  But there were a lot of people,
• 36:50
  you know,
• 36:50
  I was like little blonde hair,
• 36:52
  blue eyed.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like people were like, oh, you're so pretty.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_01: You're so pretty.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so when you hear that.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_01: Over and over and over and over again,
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_01: it makes you think when you get older,
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_01: well,
• 37:01
  what if when my hair is not blonde or like my blue eyes aren't
• 37:04
  working very well
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_01: anymore?
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_01: I have blue glasses now.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_01: Cover up my blue eyes.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like,
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_01: so then you're like,
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_01: well,
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_01: what I,
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_01: what I,
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_01: well,
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_01: my southernness is really,
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_01: what am I if I ain't pretty?
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_01: But seriously,
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_01: so I think that's,
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_01: it's good to keep that in mind to like,
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_01: that the things that we tell people also need to age gracefully.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_02: I know.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_02: I've been thinking about this exact thing a lot,
• 37:32
  like what we're saying about the programming and the messaging
• 37:36
  that we got when we
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_02: were younger about the physical,
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_02: our physical attributes being so integral to our self-worth.
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_02: And yeah,
• 37:45
  i am noticing that i'm contending with that because i feel i
• 37:50
  definitely have some
• 37:51
  thoughts in my head that are like okay well i have my last few
• 37:56
  years of still still
• 37:59
  got it you know in quotes i'm thinking of moira rose from
• 38:03
  schitt's creek where
• 38:03
  she's like take all the naked pictures of yourself that you can
• 38:08
  yeah now also
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_02: catherine o'hara most fabulous person ever yeah
• 38:13
  one thing that i do love and you and i have talked about this
• 38:16
  um the the side by
• 38:17
  side posters of the golden girls oh yeah and just like that i'm
• 38:22
  so fucking happy we
• 38:23
  got around to this because i've been wanting to talk about this
• 38:26
  so much just the
• 38:27
  way that aging has been painted from the 80 it must have been
• 38:32
  the late 80s when the
• 38:33
  golden girls was out right yeah and you look at them and they
• 38:36
  have like gray curly
• 38:37
  hair oh they all have the same like purple hair like and they
• 38:41
  were how old
• 38:42
  55 yeah like and they're living or 60 or something yeah they're
• 38:46
  living in an over
• 38:48
  55 retirement home or something right i'm like who retires at
• 38:51
  55 but living in an
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_02: over 55 folks home or something right and then and just like that
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_02: They're exactly the same age as the Golden Girls.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_02: And they're out there kicking ass and taking names.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_01: And just, oh, the sex in the city.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_01: The revamp.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_01: And just like that.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, they left the retirement home.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_02: They were like, fuck this.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, no.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_02: The Sex and the City revamp.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 39:16
  I saw a meme or like a side-by-side photo of the posters from
• 39:22
  these shows one time.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_02: And it was like, these women in each of these are the same age.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_01: I think people are starting to...
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_01: This kind of has to do with that,
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_01: but it's also kind of a side tangent.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_01: But it made me think of when I first watched And Just Like That.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_01: I noticed that... What's the character?
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_01: Charlotte?
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_01: The brunette?
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_01: Oh,
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_01: she's had a lot of...
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_01: She had so much...
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_01: Oh,
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_01: she looked...
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah,
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_01: like she looked like...
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_01: And girl,
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_01: do your thing.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, whatever.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_01: But I think that I wasn't the only one because... Oh, no.
• 39:52
  I think that people must have had a negative reaction to it
• 39:56
  because I noticed in
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_01: the next season of it that just came out,
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_01: because I watched,
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_01: I think,
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_01: the first couple episodes,
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_01: that that...
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_01: She either just didn't get it done again or she,
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_01: which kind of one,
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think she should be judged for whatever she did.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_01: But it also kind of makes me feel good that maybe people were like,
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_01: no,
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_01: we want it doesn't look natural to look like they're,
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_01: like they we're aging as we watch this.
• 40:20
  So we don't want to feel like these women that we've grown up
• 40:23
  with watching live
• 40:25
  their life in New York City and go through all of these trial
• 40:27
  and errors and things
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_01: that we also are experiencing now.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_01: We don't want to watch them never age at all.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_01: And then we're here just like aging watching it.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_01: So I thought that was kind of cool.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe I'm, you know, fabricating more of that than is true.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_01: But in my like good hearted world,
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_01: I was like,
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_01: oh,
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_01: maybe they like realize like maybe we should make them,
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_01: you know.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_02: There were a lot of conversations around that.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_02: And I noticed it too.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_02: And I definitely had a reaction like, ooh, that's a lot of filler.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_02: Not that she isn't – like she's beautiful.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that's maybe why people were having that reaction.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_02: It's like why – you don't need to do that.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_02: I know.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I see some of the actors –
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_02: the female actors that we kind of grew up watching,
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_02: like Elizabeth Banks,
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_02: in our,
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_02: in our late teens,
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_02: early twenties,
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_02: when she started coming into the scene,
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_02: like,
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_02: She is, she also doesn't seem to have done much to her face.
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_02: She's in that, that new show with Jessica Biel.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_02: Sinners.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_02: The other sister, or the better sister, the better sister.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_02: I think it is.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_02: They both look fucking phenomenal.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um,
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_02: Elizabeth Banks is,
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_02: like,
• 41:41
  aging in this really wonderful way where it feels like she's
• 41:47
  just taking care of
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_02: herself.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_02: And you see... Like a Pamela Anderson vibe.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 41:55
  Like,
• 41:55
  you see her age on her face in the sense that she is a healthy
• 42:01
  45-year-old or whatever.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_02: You know?
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_02: Like...
• 42:05
  and and that gives me hope i'm really grateful to be aging now
• 42:10
  versus in the 80s or
• 42:12
  90s because of exactly what we're talking about right now and i
• 42:17
  think that women
• 42:17
  are getting kind of a women are having older women in hollywood
• 42:23
  specifically are
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_02: having a moment like you see um
• 42:28
  kate blanchett for instance yeah like chef's kiss amazing she's
• 42:32
  a fantastic actress
• 42:34
  actor but then she also just looks absolutely stunningly
• 42:40
  gorgeous good job tell us
• 42:43
  what your yeah what tell us what your routine is doing she has
• 42:46
  no stress in her
• 42:47
  life yeah sunscreen and no stress yeah okay but i'll also echo
• 42:52
  so i to keep myself
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_02: aging gracefully um
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_02: I drink more water than anybody else.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you do.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_01: I drink a lot of water.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_01: I've got to get better about that.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_02: I do hydrate a lot.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_02: I try to get a good amount of sleep.
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_02: Sleep is very important to me.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I...
• 43:10
  I'm having more trouble getting good sleep on the regular just
• 43:14
  because of changing
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_02: hormones and,
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 43:17
  PMS symptoms that are making it harder for me to sleep during
• 43:21
  like 10 days of the
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_02: month.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_02: I know, isn't it?
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_02: I know.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I'm like nine or 10 days out.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_02: And I was looking, I was like, my boobs already hurt.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_02: What the fuck is this?
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_01: You look at those charts.
• 43:33
  There's like four days of the entire month where we're kind of
• 43:36
  at our best and the
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_01: rest of it's shit.
• 43:38
  the rest of it's either like yeah this or that or this short
• 43:41
  end of the stick it's
• 43:42
  so stupid i slept on the couch last night from like 1 30 on
• 43:46
  because a lug nut and
• 43:48
  tater tot decided they wanted to sleep in the bed and oh no
• 43:51
  we're so gullible
• 43:52
  because we're like oh so cute and they got in the bed and then
• 43:55
  i woke up at 1 30
• 43:56
  sweating like on fire like they were like pinning me in and i
• 44:01
  also basically four
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_01: you
• 44:04
  human yeah it was like we were having like a foursome or
• 44:06
  something just like giant
• 44:08
  like that's way that's that's so much like i'm i eventually
• 44:12
  azula is 75 pounds and
• 44:15
  so she's like a tiny human but yeah i have to be like get them
• 44:19
  get off go to your
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_02: bed i love you so much but get off
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I also use sunscreen.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_02: I need to reapply more.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 44:31
  SPEAKER_02: And then I try to keep my stress down too.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_02: I need to get back into my meditation.
• 44:36
  I have gotten out of the routine the last couple of months and
• 44:39
  I keep telling
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_02: myself I can feel a difference since I haven't been doing it as much.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you did this whole meditation routine.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_03: Like the 30 days.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_03: I did 365 days.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_03: Holy shit.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_01: A couple years ago.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_03: But I realized that.
• 44:58
  it became a competition with myself where I was like,
• 45:02
  okay,
• 45:02
  I got to meditate today.
• 45:03
  And sometimes I would have like a couple – like a glass of wine
• 45:06
  and be like,
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_02: okay,
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_02: I'm going to go sit and meditate for five minutes.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_01: So it wasn't like – you were doing quantity over quality.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_02: And so then at the beginning of this year,
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_02: I think it was the beginning of this year,
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_02: I was like,
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_02: I am going to –
• 45:22
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not going to be so hard on myself.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_02: If I miss a couple days here and there, it's not the end of the world.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_02: The other thing is my gym back in LA has an infrared sauna.
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_02: So I try to go on that one to two times a week.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_01: I love the way that saunas feel.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_02: Me too.
• 45:39
  I've been getting facials every six weeks and I can notice a
• 45:42
  difference in the
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_02: texture of my skin.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_02: It's
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and your skin does look great.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like the facials are making a difference.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_02: I think sunscreen is probably the biggest thing.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_02: Moisturizing in sunscreen is probably the biggest.
• 45:54
  SPEAKER_01: In all the water you drink.
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_01: And all the water.
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_01: Because your skin is your big old organ.
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_02: But I just mean for like the average woman,
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_02: like the most important thing is going to be,
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_02: oh,
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_02: and I wear a hat whenever I go walking.
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 46:04
  Sunscreen and hat because I have a couple of family members who
• 46:09
  have had skin cancer removed.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_02: Like my mom had a mole removed, my granddad, my aunt.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_02: And so I started going to a dermatologist.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_02: And one of the ones that I went to was like,
• 46:24
  yeah keep doing what you're doing and also do more so wear a
• 46:28
  hat she's like because
• 46:29
  those sun spots are not going to get any better but you can
• 46:31
  stop them from getting
• 46:32
  worse yeah so that was a big thing good tip so in the last
• 46:36
  couple of years unless i
• 46:37
  have just washed my hair and i don't want it to sometimes i
• 46:40
  pick vanity like
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_02: short-term vanity over long-term not getting skin cancer
• 46:47
  SPEAKER_01: I think we all do it.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_02: Every once in a while.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm laughing.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, that's not funny.
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_02: But pretty much every time I go out for a walk, I wear a hat.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_02: So, yeah.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_01: One more cue.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_01: Next question.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_01: I can't see what's on this one,
• 47:03
  SPEAKER_01: but I see a little,
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_01: happy face with what looks like devil horns.
• 47:07
  freaking out okay like you can't remember what it is but i know
• 47:12
  i was blank years
• 47:14
  old when i learned about sex share the story you were you how
• 47:18
  old were you when you
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_01: learned about sex
• 47:20
  SPEAKER_02: I don't remember when I learned about sex the first time,
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_02: but I will tell you a story that also added to shame that I feel around.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, no.
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 47:32
  SPEAKER_02: I'll accept that.
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_02: So this is back.
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_02: I'm 13.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_02: So it's 1996 or 97 because my birthday is in October.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_02: So it could have been at the beginning of the next year.
• 47:42
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_02: I was with my friend Sasha and we got some little magazine in the mail,
• 47:50
  just like came to my mom's house and it was wrapped in white
• 47:53
  paper and had like a
• 47:54
  SPEAKER_02: little piece of tape on it.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, what's this?
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_02: So I open it.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_02: This is before internet porn.
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_02: It's like a porn.
• 48:06
  SPEAKER_02: You could buy videos and stuff from whatever this magazine was.
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_02: Who bought it?
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_02: Nobody bought it.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_02: It just came to the house.
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_02: The company just sent it.
• 48:20
  SPEAKER_02: That's not good.
• 48:22
  SPEAKER_02: I have no idea how it ended up at my mom's house.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_02: But I remember looking through it with my friend, Sasha.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_01: Who was it addressed to?
• 48:31
  SPEAKER_02: It might have been resident.
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_02: It might have been one of those where I was like, resident.
• 48:35
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I feel like we have a mystery on our hands here.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, it might have been resident.
• 48:39
  SPEAKER_01: They were just doing like guerrilla marketing with porn.
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_01: Hilarious.
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 48:44
  SPEAKER_02: And so I remember I started,
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_02: I was always like very curious about sex as an early teenager,
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_01: right?
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_02: So this comes in and I'm looking through it.
• 48:52
  SPEAKER_02: And this is the first time I learned what the word come means.
• 48:56
  SPEAKER_02: Not in the spelling of C-O-M-E.
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 48:59
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, what is that?
• 49:00
  SPEAKER_02: Ew, gross.
• 49:00
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_02: So my friend, you know, like 13 year old girls were like, oh, my God.
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_02: And so I hid it.
• 49:10
  SPEAKER_02: I hid it under my bed, like in between the mattress and the box spring.
• 49:15
  SPEAKER_02: And I didn't push it in far enough.
• 49:18
  and so my mom yeah sorry yeah and so then my mom went to make
• 49:23
  my bed and she like
• 49:24
  reached in there and felt like what is this and she started
• 49:28
  looking looking through
• 49:29
  it and i just remember her reaction oh no she was like tearing
• 49:33
  it up and her
• 49:34
  reaction was the sound of a mother realizing that her daughter
• 49:38
  was no longer
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_02: innocent oh no
• 49:41
  SPEAKER_02: I can just picture her doing this.
• 49:43
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 49:43
  SPEAKER_01: Because your mom is, like, the sweetest.
• 49:45
  SPEAKER_03: She's so sweet.
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_03: You know my mom.
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_03: She looks like she has, like, golden girl energy, I feel like.
• 49:50
  SPEAKER_02: She's, like, very.
• 49:51
  SPEAKER_02: She totally does.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_02: And not the sassy one.
• 49:54
  SPEAKER_02: Like, she's, like, is Blanche.
• 49:57
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 49:57
  SPEAKER_02: Who was Betty White?
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_01: I can't remember.
• 50:00
  SPEAKER_01: She got Betty White energy.
• 50:01
  SPEAKER_02: She's the Betty White.
• 50:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um,
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_02: but yeah,
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_02: I just remember hearing it and I was in the other room and I'm like,
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just so embarrassed and I'm so,
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_02: I feel so shameful and ashamed.
• 50:14
  SPEAKER_02: And I just, it's like, it was nobody's fault.
• 50:17
  SPEAKER_02: The thing came.
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a curious teenager.
• 50:21
  SPEAKER_02: And so that was,
• 50:23
  that's like one of my first experiences with like feeling like
• 50:26
  there's something
• 50:27
  SPEAKER_02: wrong with me.
• 50:29
  SPEAKER_02: Feeling that way.
• 50:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 50:30
  SPEAKER_01: Being curious about sex.
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_01: And that's hard because I'm sure like your mom.
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_01: I feel for my mom too.
• 50:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 50:35
  SPEAKER_01: Because like she probably wasn't trying to do anything wrong,
• 50:39
  SPEAKER_01: but it was just her natural visceral reaction.
• 50:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_01: You know, but that shit can fuck you up so much.
• 50:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_01: Because that's somebody you love and you care about and you want to like,
• 50:51
  SPEAKER_01: you want to respect and you want their approval.
• 50:54
  And then they have that reaction and you're,
• 50:57
  and it just like lives with you.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_02: Before that too, I like, maybe I was like 10 or 11, but there was a,
• 51:05
  a bad influence gal who was going to my school and there was a
• 51:11
  pay phone in my
• 51:11
  school at that point yeah i was in like fifth or sixth sixth
• 51:15
  grade probably um but
• 51:17
  she told me about this 900 number it was like a sex line and
• 51:21
  she didn't have the
• 51:22
  same boundaries in her house as i did but i just remember
• 51:25
  calling it from my mom's
• 51:27
  SPEAKER_02: house and
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_02: And she got this huge phone bill back and was like, what is this?
• 51:32
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, I have no idea.
• 51:34
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm sitting there with like this guilt of knowing exactly what I did.
• 51:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 51:39
  SPEAKER_01: So you're like having to probably lie to her for one of the first times.
• 51:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 51:42
  SPEAKER_02: And I remember, but I do know.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_02: I remember going to my,
• 51:45
  SPEAKER_02: my uncle graduated from like the architecture school at UVA or something.
• 51:49
  SPEAKER_02: And so we went to his celebration for that.
• 51:52
  SPEAKER_02: And then we get home that day.
• 51:53
  evening or the afternoon and I'm lying in bed and I'm like I'm
• 51:56
  pumping myself up to
• 51:58
  be like I did it it was me yeah I'm the perv just like Pinky
• 52:06
  Kelly strikes again
• 52:08
  yeah but I was just like one two three it was me you know did
• 52:13
  you do it that way
• 52:14
  SPEAKER_03: did you yell and say that yes mom
• 52:17
  SPEAKER_03: I did it.
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_03: I made the phone calls.
• 52:19
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, my God.
• 52:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 52:21
  SPEAKER_01: Your poor mother.
• 52:23
  SPEAKER_01: So funny.
• 52:23
  SPEAKER_02: So silly.
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_02: But there's it's just it's funny how.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_02: And you're right.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_02: Like some of those things can really mess you up.
• 52:32
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, it's I don't think you realize it at the time.
• 52:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like you're you don't even know the impact that'll have.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_01: But then.
• 52:39
  then you carry that like you know it's almost like just buried
• 52:42
  in there it's a
• 52:43
  psyche it's a psyche shape like a shame i think it's come up in
• 52:46
  my adult life
• 52:47
  honestly i'm like okay i'm gonna look at porn by myself tonight
• 52:51
  yeah right nobody's
• 52:52
  here delete the browser nobody like yeah like nobody can ever
• 52:56
  know that i like porn
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_01: yeah especially as a woman too
• 53:00
  too yeah we're not expected to like it or we're supposed to not
• 53:04
  be like well i
• 53:05
  don't steal our sexuality or something and like i know it's i
• 53:09
  feel like you and i
• 53:10
  probably had very similar experiences where like we grew up in
• 53:13
  a part of the nation
• 53:14
  that is very there are probably more churches per you know
• 53:17
  everything's a lot more
• 53:19
  at least in my experience like it's not very sex positive it's
• 53:23
  not very sex
• 53:23
  positive and it's very much yeah like it's it's a shameful kind
• 53:28
  of dirty thing and
• 53:31
  then we do it with your husband you only do it and you have to
• 53:34
  be i mean i got
• 53:35
  married because i had had sex and i was like oh no we're going
• 53:38
  to hell i gotta
• 53:40
  marry this person like it's this runs pretty deep like oh yeah
• 53:44
  and so i think that
• 53:46
  like and then you move somewhere like los angeles particularly
• 53:50
  west hollywood you
• 53:51
  SPEAKER_01: know where it's just like very sex positive
• 53:54
  SPEAKER_01: And even as an adult,
• 53:56
  SPEAKER_01: I've been in situations,
• 53:57
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like,
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_01: where I've had to kind of check myself and be like,
• 54:00
  SPEAKER_01: oh,
• 54:00
  SPEAKER_01: wait,
• 54:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm an adult.
• 54:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't need to feel weird about this thing, you know, whatever.
• 54:05
  SPEAKER_02: But I still do.
• 54:06
  SPEAKER_01: I still do because it's just deep, deep in there.
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 54:10
  I can't think about like I'm thinking like when did I first
• 54:13
  learn about maybe sex
• 54:15
  but if you don't know that then maybe yeah like oh my god I
• 54:18
  have a funny like there
• 54:19
  you go kind of like I have a story when I think that somebody
• 54:23
  else might have first
• 54:24
  SPEAKER_01: learned about sex
• 54:25
  SPEAKER_01: sexual things that's pretty awful-ish.
• 54:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like, okay.
• 54:31
  SPEAKER_01: I had a friend, okay, I was in, it was my senior year of high school.
• 54:37
  SPEAKER_01: I lived temporarily with,
• 54:39
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 54:40
  SPEAKER_01: towards the end,
• 54:40
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know,
• 54:41
  SPEAKER_01: a part of my senior year,
• 54:43
  SPEAKER_01: I moved in with my friend,
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_01: a female friend and her family,
• 54:46
  SPEAKER_01: who were very religious.
• 54:48
  SPEAKER_01: And they were very kind.
• 54:49
  SPEAKER_01: They, like, took me in, essentially.
• 54:51
  SPEAKER_01: And so I lived with them.
• 54:52
  SPEAKER_01: And
• 54:54
  I was musical,
• 54:56
  like my friend's brother was in a band,
• 54:58
  like we all really liked music.
• 55:01
  SPEAKER_01: That's neither here nor there.
• 55:03
  SPEAKER_01: But anyway, we had a foreign exchange student from...
• 55:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, where is this going to go?
• 55:12
  SPEAKER_01: From China.
• 55:14
  SPEAKER_01: And he was, he was like one, he was, you know, not like baby.
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_01: He was one year younger than us.
• 55:20
  SPEAKER_01: So if I was 17, he was probably like 16, I think.
• 55:23
  So,
• 55:24
  so my friend's brother was in like a,
• 55:26
  what I would describe as like a ska punk metal band.
• 55:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like it was like really, you know, just like,
• 55:33
  super teen angst like craziness and they he was older so he had
• 55:38
  like I think he
• 55:39
  still lived at home but they would have they put on these shows
• 55:42
  these band shows
• 55:44
  SPEAKER_01: like a couple towns over and um
• 55:48
  SPEAKER_01: their mom was very supportive.
• 55:49
  SPEAKER_01: And so even though she,
• 55:50
  SPEAKER_01: she was very cool,
• 55:51
  SPEAKER_01: even though she was like religious and very like deep in her faith,
• 55:54
  she supported their music and she would go to these shows
• 55:57
  sometimes at these like
• 55:58
  SPEAKER_01: college frat houses and drive us there.
• 56:01
  SPEAKER_01: And so I remember a time when I was 17,
• 56:05
  SPEAKER_01: my friend was 17,
• 56:06
  SPEAKER_01: the foreign exchange shooting,
• 56:07
  SPEAKER_01: I think was probably 16.
• 56:09
  And that her mom took us all to this house to see the brother
• 56:15
  play in this band.
• 56:17
  SPEAKER_01: And we're standing there.
• 56:19
  SPEAKER_01: We're headbanging.
• 56:20
  SPEAKER_01: We're moshing.
• 56:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's that type of music.
• 56:22
  And the foreign exchange student who I think I want to say his
• 56:27
  name wasn't Fred,
• 56:29
  SPEAKER_01: but I think that he like wanted like an American name.
• 56:31
  SPEAKER_01: So I think we all call him Fred.
• 56:33
  SPEAKER_01: That's pretty typical.
• 56:33
  SPEAKER_01: So Fred is standing there kind of beside us already.
• 56:38
  SPEAKER_01: in awe or shock of like just the moshing and the music alone.
• 56:42
  Like he's like,
• 56:43
  he is like,
• 56:44
  I think glad to be there,
• 56:45
  but he's really having to take it all in.
• 56:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's like a lot for him.
• 56:49
  SPEAKER_01: And then I look up,
• 56:50
  SPEAKER_01: there's two girls dancing on like either side of the band,
• 56:54
  SPEAKER_01: kind of like on whatever little like pseudo stage they've built.
• 56:57
  SPEAKER_01: And,
• 56:57
  SPEAKER_01: And one of the girls, like, the drummer drops his drumstick.
• 57:01
  SPEAKER_01: He's drumming out so hard.
• 57:03
  SPEAKER_01: He drops the drumstick.
• 57:05
  SPEAKER_01: She picks it up.
• 57:06
  She bends over,
• 57:07
  ass-facing the crowd,
• 57:09
  and inserts the drumstick into herself.
• 57:13
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, my God.
• 57:14
  And we're just all standing there,
• 57:16
  like,
• 57:16
  I'm sure their mom...
• 57:17
  No splinters?
• 57:18
  SPEAKER_01: One, right?
• 57:19
  I mean,
• 57:19
  they're kind of like,
• 57:20
  you know,
• 57:20
  they have a clear coat on them for the most part,
• 57:22
  but...
• 57:24
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe they don't.
• 57:25
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 57:26
  SPEAKER_01: So I remember just like I'm wide eyed like,
• 57:30
  SPEAKER_01: oh,
• 57:30
  SPEAKER_01: my God,
• 57:31
  SPEAKER_01: their mom,
• 57:32
  SPEAKER_01: I think probably must be feeling so like in shock,
• 57:35
  SPEAKER_01: but also just so bad that she brought this person,
• 57:39
  SPEAKER_01: this,
• 57:39
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 57:40
  SPEAKER_01: she was trusted with the.
• 57:43
  education and experience of this young chinese boy and he's
• 57:47
  being subjected to this
• 57:49
  i don't even remember what i think we all just were kind of in
• 57:52
  shock afterwards and
• 57:52
  SPEAKER_01: we're like all right like that happened and like
• 57:56
  SPEAKER_01: What a party that was and like went home.
• 57:58
  SPEAKER_01: But I just I feel like I saw his like whole innocence.
• 58:02
  SPEAKER_01: You lost his innocence.
• 58:04
  SPEAKER_01: Taken from him.
• 58:04
  SPEAKER_02: He lost his innocence.
• 58:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 58:05
  SPEAKER_01: In that moment.
• 58:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I just.
• 58:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's like my mom.
• 58:08
  Really curious if one day he's on a podcast talking about how
• 58:11
  he learned about sexual.
• 58:14
  SPEAKER_01: It was winter too.
• 58:15
  SPEAKER_01: I think, you know, people.
• 58:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 58:17
  SPEAKER_01: They're bored.
• 58:17
  SPEAKER_02: So is she just not wearing underwear?
• 58:19
  SPEAKER_01: No underwear, just like a plaid pleated punk skirt, you know?
• 58:23
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, Lord.
• 58:23
  SPEAKER_02: Just like going for it.
• 58:25
  I guess I went through a phase where I just,
• 58:30
  if I wore like a dress,
• 58:31
  I just didn't wear.
• 58:32
  SPEAKER_01: It didn't occur to me at the time because I wasn't super drugged.
• 58:36
  Like I didn't do drugs and I was kind of scared of them because
• 58:39
  of like the
• 58:39
  SPEAKER_01: addiction issues surrounding me and my family.
• 58:43
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm like, she probably was on Molly or something, right?
• 58:47
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe not.
• 58:48
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe that's just her natural state.
• 58:52
  SPEAKER_01: It was early 2000s.
• 58:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 58:54
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, that was when ecstasy was really, really popular.
• 58:57
  SPEAKER_02: That's got to be the ticket.
• 58:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 59:00
  SPEAKER_02: I would think so.
• 59:02
  SPEAKER_02: Or she's just very free and open.
• 59:04
  SPEAKER_02: That's just how she is.
• 59:05
  SPEAKER_02: With drumsticks.
• 59:06
  SPEAKER_02: It's true.
• 59:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 59:07
  SPEAKER_02: Nobody shamed her.
• 59:10
  SPEAKER_02: And they shouldn't,
• 59:12
  SPEAKER_02: but also there's that weird middle ground where...
• 59:17
  SPEAKER_02: The sanitation part kind of bothers me.
• 59:19
  SPEAKER_02: The sanitation part,
• 59:20
  but then also you're subjecting everyone else in the room who
• 59:25
  maybe doesn't consent
• 59:27
  SPEAKER_01: to wanting to experience that.
• 59:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like they were there for a music experience.
• 59:31
  SPEAKER_02: It's true.
• 59:32
  So you're deciding for everyone in the room that they're going
• 59:36
  to experience that.
• 59:38
  SPEAKER_01: But that's not highly uncommon.
• 59:40
  I mean,
• 59:41
  for that,
• 59:41
  yes,
• 59:42
  like people didn't know what they were getting into.
• 59:44
  SPEAKER_01: But like some of the bars I've been to in New York.
• 59:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 59:50
  SPEAKER_01: Or West Hollywood.
• 59:51
  SPEAKER_01: Was that?
• 59:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, that's true.
• 59:53
  SPEAKER_01: You know,
• 59:53
  SPEAKER_01: but I think that when people go to those places,
• 59:56
  SPEAKER_01: they they kind of you understand what they're in for.
• 1:00:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:00:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:00:02
  SPEAKER_02: Or you have to just like research the culture first or something.
• 1:00:08
  SPEAKER_01: Or you just don't know, I guess.
• 1:00:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:00:12
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 1:00:13
  SPEAKER_02: It's an interesting – Clearly, I'm still harboring something.
• 1:00:16
  SPEAKER_02: Some shame.
• 1:00:17
  SPEAKER_02: Because I did – when you were telling me that,
• 1:00:19
  I have like a visceral reaction because there's like something
• 1:00:23
  in there where –
• 1:00:25
  SPEAKER_02: like there's something inside of me.
• 1:00:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:00:28
  That feels very like violated or something when I hear
• 1:00:32
  something like that.
• 1:00:34
  SPEAKER_01: Well, okay.
• 1:00:35
  You might be – you're probably experiencing like – so the first
• 1:00:37
  time I went to a strip club –
• 1:00:38
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, you're the one who had to see it.
• 1:00:40
  SPEAKER_02: So a strip club does not feel the same way to me.
• 1:00:42
  SPEAKER_02: It doesn't.
• 1:00:43
  SPEAKER_02: That's where – it's meant to happen.
• 1:00:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:00:46
  But I had a visceral reaction the first time I went to one
• 1:00:50
  because I experienced –
• 1:00:52
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 1:00:52
  SPEAKER_01: so this girl –
• 1:00:55
  SPEAKER_01: At the party, I felt like I didn't sense.
• 1:00:58
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I couldn't see her face.
• 1:00:59
  SPEAKER_01: There was something else in my face, but I couldn't see her face.
• 1:01:04
  SPEAKER_01: But I feel like she was in a vibe in a moment.
• 1:01:07
  SPEAKER_01: There wasn't like any any.
• 1:01:09
  SPEAKER_01: It was like her choice, very much choice to do that.
• 1:01:12
  SPEAKER_01: I,
• 1:01:12
  SPEAKER_01: the first time I went to a strip club,
• 1:01:14
  SPEAKER_01: I went with some friends and we go in and we sit,
• 1:01:17
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 1:01:18
  SPEAKER_01: as you do,
• 1:01:18
  SPEAKER_01: like we're sitting up at the front,
• 1:01:19
  SPEAKER_01: we got our ones ready to go.
• 1:01:21
  And I don't know,
• 1:01:22
  maybe it was like an off night or it was like earlier in the
• 1:01:25
  day or something.
• 1:01:26
  SPEAKER_01: It was a military town.
• 1:01:27
  But I'm sitting up there and there's,
• 1:01:28
  like,
• 1:01:29
  not really many people there.
• 1:01:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's, like, kind of a weird vibe.
• 1:01:33
  There's this,
• 1:01:33
  like,
• 1:01:33
  older kind of creepy gentleman sitting,
• 1:01:35
  like,
• 1:01:35
  a couple seats over from me.
• 1:01:36
  SPEAKER_01: And he's not a gentleman.
• 1:01:38
  SPEAKER_01: Not a gentleman.
• 1:01:39
  SPEAKER_01: That was kind of a, yeah.
• 1:01:39
  SPEAKER_01: Dude.
• 1:01:40
  SPEAKER_01: Older creepy dude.
• 1:01:41
  SPEAKER_01: An older man sitting there handing off money to this girl and...
• 1:01:53
  SPEAKER_01: She, like, gave me this look.
• 1:01:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like,
• 1:01:55
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like she's,
• 1:01:57
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 1:01:57
  SPEAKER_01: dancing for him but then looked at me just kind of,
• 1:01:59
  SPEAKER_01: like...
• 1:02:01
  SPEAKER_01: She just looked just downtrodden.
• 1:02:03
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't want to be here.
• 1:02:05
  SPEAKER_01: What has my life become?
• 1:02:06
  SPEAKER_01: There was shame on her face.
• 1:02:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like, it was, like, one of those situations where...
• 1:02:10
  i feel like i'm pretty in tune with people's energy and i've
• 1:02:12
  definitely been around
• 1:02:13
  like women who are just putting it out there and they're just
• 1:02:16
  like whatever like i
• 1:02:17
  feel empowered to do this like this is i'm owning this this
• 1:02:20
  woman did not have that
• 1:02:22
  vibe it was very much like this is my only choice the only
• 1:02:26
  choice in my life i just
• 1:02:27
  felt so bad i like got up and left and i that was my first
• 1:02:31
  experience and i had to
• 1:02:32
  SPEAKER_01: like redo it it's
• 1:02:33
  SPEAKER_01: To be like, yeah, I know it can be silly.
• 1:02:36
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, one of those just like, you know, novel experiences.
• 1:02:40
  But yeah,
• 1:02:41
  I feel I felt then what I think you're kind of feeling about
• 1:02:45
  drumstick girl.
• 1:02:45
  SPEAKER_01: We're like, I don't know.
• 1:02:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:02:48
  SPEAKER_02: And I I'm all about like the whole a big point of this.
• 1:02:52
  of these conversations is to empower women to feel open and
• 1:02:57
  comfortable to talk
• 1:02:59
  SPEAKER_02: about a lot of things that we feel we're being silenced on.
• 1:03:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:03:04
  Sometimes to get comfortable,
• 1:03:06
  you got to get uncomfortable first,
• 1:03:07
  I guess,
• 1:03:08
  the conversation.
• 1:03:09
  SPEAKER_02: But it's like, I have never been to Jumbo's Clown Room.
• 1:03:12
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if you ever went to that.
• 1:03:14
  SPEAKER_02: It's a bikini bar in LA.
• 1:03:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I've never been in it, but I know of it.
• 1:03:17
  SPEAKER_02: But I've heard that that one is amazing.
• 1:03:19
  SPEAKER_02: So like, I'm sure...
• 1:03:20
  SPEAKER_02: But they're also wearing bikinis.
• 1:03:23
  SPEAKER_02: So it's a little – because in L.A.
• 1:03:26
  SPEAKER_01: – you can't serve drinks and be – No alcohol.
• 1:03:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you can't serve alcohol and be totally nude.
• 1:03:34
  SPEAKER_02: So it's a completely different vibe if you go to a place like that.
• 1:03:37
  SPEAKER_02: I did go to –
• 1:03:38
  That same strip club had a separate section where it was like
• 1:03:43
  the fully nude.
• 1:03:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember like,
• 1:03:45
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 1:03:45
  SPEAKER_01: because we're trying to have the full experience,
• 1:03:46
  we go into that side and I go to get a drink and they're only
• 1:03:50
  offering like $20
• 1:03:51
  SPEAKER_01: juice boxes or something.
• 1:03:53
  It was so funny because they couldn't serve alcohol in the
• 1:03:56
  fully nude side.
• 1:03:57
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 1:03:57
  SPEAKER_01: And so it was so funny.
• 1:03:58
  SPEAKER_01: They were just serving like juice.
• 1:04:00
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 1:04:00
  And I was just thinking like how like and it sucks because it
• 1:04:04
  sounds kind of judgmental.
• 1:04:05
  But I'm just like,
• 1:04:05
  how sad is it for like a grown man to be sitting there?
• 1:04:08
  SPEAKER_01: Juice?
• 1:04:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:04:13
  SPEAKER_03: That he paid $20 for.
• 1:04:15
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just imagining.
• 1:04:16
  SPEAKER_02: Sipping on my apple juice.
• 1:04:18
  Yeah,
• 1:04:18
  because I've seen people in strip clubs,
• 1:04:20
  like men specifically,
• 1:04:22
  get like almost catatonic.
• 1:04:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, which is another.
• 1:04:24
  SPEAKER_02: And so I'm imagining like having the straw.
• 1:04:26
  He's holding the juice box and the straw is like on the side of
• 1:04:28
  his mouth.
• 1:04:29
  SPEAKER_02: There's a little slurp like.
• 1:04:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
• 1:04:32
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, that's actually, that's an interesting picture.
• 1:04:34
  He squeezes the juice box too hard out of excitement and it
• 1:04:36
  goes all over his face.
• 1:04:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it goes all over his face.
• 1:04:38
  SPEAKER_01: How do you like it?
• 1:04:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:04:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:04:40
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god.
• 1:04:41
  SPEAKER_01: This went down a dirty hole.
• 1:04:49
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