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Difficult Mothers-In-Law · Let's Ask the Mamas!

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  We got a question for American mama's. Dear Mama's, I heard you talking
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  about dealing with daughters in law, but what about the other way around?
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  Any suggestions for dealing with a difficult mother in law? Well, let's ask
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  our American mamas. Mama and joining us now our American mama's Ternyetteville and Kimberly
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  Burlison. Before Christmas, we did talk about mothers in law dealing with difficult
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  daughters in law and that how as a mother in law you need to make
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  sure that you understand that the daughter in law is the gatekeeper to your grandchildren
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  and that and we admitted we are the lucky ones. We both adore our
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  daughter in laws, but we do no situations. But we are also daughter
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  in laws, and we also know how hard it is to navigate life in
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  a brand new family where they have different traditions, they have different ways,
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  but we have different expectations, different expectations. Mothers of sons are a whole
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  nother ballgame. Those sons are their world, as we know because we're mothers
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  with sons that are our world, okay, And it's very hard for a
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  girl to come in and measure up very hard as I had that experience,
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  and I feel like, I'm I'm awesome. I you are. I went
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  in, I know, I went in. I was like, they're gonna
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  love me. I'm gonna I was all. She just didn't. She my
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  mother in law. She we love each other now, but it was very
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  difficult because she judged me. I took her son away. That's in her
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  mind. In her mind, I took her son away and I took them
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  to Texas. They're from Montana, Ah. And that was a strong and
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  all. Apparently I changed the things that he loved. He used to love
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  to fish, but because of me, he doesne fish. And I'm like
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  that was her thing. Never stopped him from bid. But it was very
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  hard. It was a very difficult thing. But one thing that I have
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  learned by being a daughter in law, I now have a daughter in law.
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  Change the word from I have a big believer in fake it till you
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  make it, or play the game, play the game, but it's faith
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  it, fa I t H or faith it. But the biggest thing is
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  just take those words away and use the word choice. Let it be your
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  choice to love that mother in law, to listen to what she has to
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  say, understand that she's a mom and this is her world. Her sons
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  are her world, her daughter is her world. It's mostly the moms with
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  the sons, you know, but be away. Just find yourself a path
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  in that. Don't take everything so personally, you know, get to the
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  root of what the issue is with that relationship with the mother and the son,
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  because a lot of time it's a controlling mom our. Sons listen to
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  everything that we have to say growing up, and then they're married and they're
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  not listening to us anymore, which is the way it's supposed to be.
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  It's but it's very hard as a mom to just turn that part of it
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  off because you are wiser, right you are, you do know what you're
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  talking about. But when they don't listen, they have to stick to the
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  wife, they have to stick they're a united front, and it's very hard
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  for a mom to take that step back and recognize that. Well. I
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  think choice is such a great way to frame it, because everything's you know,
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  happiness is a choice. Everything's a choice. Tristan, my daughter in
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  law, we were just talking about this the other day because she said she
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  has you know, I recently went to her school and read to her kids
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  and we had, you know, just this fun time. So people were
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  saying to her, man, you and miss Terry have such a great relationship.
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  So we were talking to we were talking about how that's not the case.
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  A lot of times it blows us away because we're like, how can
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  it not. I mean, that is the ticket to everything, really,
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  I mean, I just feel lucky. She feels lucky. And she said
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  that she has a friend who her mother in law. They do not get
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  along, and she uninvited the mother in law to Christmas, and so I
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  you know, I said to her, I was like, Tristan, I'm
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  telling you, this is one of those things that I wish that moms understood
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  that it is the if you're a mom of a son, the daughter in
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  law really is. She's the ticket to see your children, to see your
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  son and your grandchildren. We're just lucky that we get along so well that
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  law. Yes, she does, yes, And that's why I feel so
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  blessed. But I'm telling you, even if you know inside he had married
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  somebody that I thought, no, this is not for us, that girl
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  would never know that she would think I adored her because I know that it
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  is a choice that we were raised with the mom who taught us this.
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  We knew so the same. You know, I have a sweet mother in
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  law. But my father in law he did not. I was a city
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  girl. He wanted a country girl. He felt like that I changed Kevin
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  his country boy son, which I did not if anything had got better.
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  But I will say, you know you do. You're like, oh my
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  god, they're gonna let me because the way I love my son. But
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  I will never forget this piece of advice that my mom gave me. When
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  I was done with his dad, I was like, I'm done. He
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  is crazy. He is like he is so far from, you know,
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  from who I am, and his belief system is so different. She said,
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  She said, don't say you're done with him. This is the man
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  who raised the man that you fell in love with. He's going to be
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  the grandfather to your children. You have to love him. You have to
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  see past this stuff and make it work for your husband. And I never
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  forgot that you had to make a choice. Yes, I made that choice
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  and it worked. I ended up doing the eulogy for my father in law.
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  And that is the thing that you both have mentioned, and most people
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  don't recognize love is a choice. It is and the fact that it is
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  a choice is what gives love value, and so aimen to that. And
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  forgiveness and empathy for that person rather than anger and hatred is another key,
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  because then he and I became, you know, after I gave him grandchildren.
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  He was different to me. He loved me, and I was able
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  to talk about the love that he brought to us on his final resting day.
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  If you like to ask our American Mama is a question, go to
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  our website American ground Radio dot com slash mamas and click on the ass of
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  the Mama's button. Terny Netville, Kimberly bur listen. Thank you so much.
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  Thank you,