Latest / Jesus Girl Gang Kingdom Business Podcast | Faith-Led Strategies for Christian Entrepreneurs / Apology Culture Isn’t Biblical (And It’s Silencing Christian Women in Business)

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Apology Culture Isn’t Biblical (And It’s Silencing Christian Women in Business) · Jesus Girl Gang Kingdom Business Podcast | Faith-Led Strategies for Christian Entrepreneurs

0:00
SPEAKER_00: This is the Jesus Girl Gang Kingdom Business Podcast, where faith finally meets real strategy to launch your online business.
0:09
SPEAKER_00: Well, hey there, friend, and welcome back to the Jesus Girl Gang Kingdom Business Podcast.
0:14
SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Erica Pyle, and today we're doing something a little bit different.
0:18
SPEAKER_00: So I did not record this episode live.
0:22
SPEAKER_00: This episode of the Kingdom Business Podcast is actually a replay or recording of a message that I shared inside of my private mentorship community, the Jesus Girl Gang.
0:37
SPEAKER_00: And I wanted to share it with you because I believe that it is so vital that we get this message out.
0:45
SPEAKER_00: I'm talking today about how apology is not biblical and how when we have learned inside of an apology culture to apologize for everything, including our identity, our mission, our purpose, our business, how we sell, how we serve, things can get really bleak really fast.
1:08
SPEAKER_00: And so I wanted to share this with you.
1:10
SPEAKER_00: And so um I'm just gonna go ahead and bring us right into the the episode this way.
1:15
SPEAKER_00: But I did want to remind you that we always have an action step in every one of the episodes that we do.
1:22
SPEAKER_00: And for this week, it's no different.
1:24
SPEAKER_00: You can see it inside um the show notes of this episode.
1:28
SPEAKER_00: So if you go to ericapile.com slash ep21, you'll be able to see the action step for today.
1:36
SPEAKER_00: Also, I'm suggesting that you download the toolkit that I've been talking about for the last few weeks.
1:42
SPEAKER_00: You can get that at ericapile.com slash toolkit.
1:46
SPEAKER_00: Inside of the toolkit, there are there is a worksheet called the Four R's of Reconciliation.
1:51
SPEAKER_00: And that's gonna be a big part of what we're talking about today in the episode.
1:54
SPEAKER_00: So go and grab a hold of your toolkit at ericapile.com slash toolkit and then get ready for this episode.
2:02
SPEAKER_00: Here we go.
2:03
SPEAKER_00: So what I'm gonna talk about this morning is that apologizing isn't biblical.
2:08
SPEAKER_00: Apologizing isn't biblical.
2:10
SPEAKER_00: The Bible says literally zero times to apologize.
2:15
SPEAKER_00: If you have wronged someone, it literally says zero times to apologize.
2:21
SPEAKER_00: So I want to start with telling you um what it does say, and then we'll get to the place where I'm telling you why this is so important for you as a kingdom builder.
2:32
SPEAKER_00: I want your brain, I want your flesh and your brain to be slightly offended right now, and I want your spirit to be holding you fast to this teaching right now so that you can test it.
2:46
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
2:47
SPEAKER_00: I I really want this to be a workout for your spirit and for your soul right now.
2:51
SPEAKER_00: So I want you to test what it is that I'm sharing with you, okay?
2:57
SPEAKER_00: So my my position based on research, and this is not just like a little bit of research, I've been doing this research for literal years, okay, is that the Bible says zero times to apologize.
3:11
SPEAKER_00: And you know, the reason why it came to me one day is because in June of 2013, I was in Atlanta, Georgia at a regional church conference with my oversight at the time, and our church leadership of our church was at this conference, and we got called up on the platform because they wanted to pray for our church and for our leadership.
3:34
SPEAKER_00: And the our oversight at the time, pastor, uh, Pastor Dean was prophesying over us.
3:42
SPEAKER_00: And at one point in the prophecy, he says, Don't apologize for nothing.
3:49
SPEAKER_00: And it was abrupt.
3:50
SPEAKER_00: And there you even felt part of the room kind of like come back a little bit.
3:55
SPEAKER_00: And I remember sitting there, I remember when he said it because there was a way that he said it, and it was bold.
4:02
SPEAKER_00: And he went on to talk about in that in that passage, in that prophecy, um, as he was prophesying, about how people were gonna come in, how broken the people were gonna come in, how traumatized the people were gonna come in.
4:15
SPEAKER_00: And it was connected to that.
4:17
SPEAKER_00: It was connected to they're gonna come in really broken and really traumatized.
4:21
SPEAKER_00: Do not apologize.
4:23
SPEAKER_00: And it obviously, like I I transcribed the audio, I saved the audio, I've listened to the audio multiple times, I've read that prophecy so many times since 2013.
4:37
SPEAKER_00: Okay, we're talking 13 years ago, okay.
4:40
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I've always thought about that because like we've been taught in the world that that's being kind, is apologizing, saying, I'm sorry.
4:52
SPEAKER_00: We teach our children to say, I'm sorry.
4:56
SPEAKER_00: That this is a very strong cultural teaching point in humanity, in humanity, like we're taught to say, I'm sorry.
5:06
SPEAKER_00: But here's the thing that is not biblical.
5:11
SPEAKER_00: There are other things that are biblical when we wrong a person, and we're not teaching those, we're not teaching those because we live in a secular world, right?
5:22
SPEAKER_00: So the enemy is the prince of the air and he rules this world.
5:26
SPEAKER_00: And I understand Jesus came and he put his foot on the head of the serpent, but the reality is that in this time frame before Jesus comes back, it's to us as the church to rule in the earth and to have dominion and to have authority.
5:44
SPEAKER_00: And when we give in to this cultural concept of apologizing is kindness and it's the right thing to do, understand we are shortcutting and we're actually not even like getting there.
5:57
SPEAKER_00: Um, we should be teaching what the Bible says about when we've wronged a person.
6:02
SPEAKER_00: Now, there's a big reason for why this concept, this culture is so damaging to kingdom builders.
6:10
SPEAKER_00: And I know that I said I was gonna give it to you in the in the end, but I do want to give you like the the the quick hot take on it first, and then I'll teach all the way there, and you can test all the teaching all the way there.
6:23
SPEAKER_00: Um, but if we live in a culture and we have learned a culture of apology, then it is very easy for the enemy to make us apologize for who God made us to be and what he's called us to do.
6:39
SPEAKER_00: It's just natural to us, it's just habitual, it's just acceptable, it's just what we that it's just who we are, just who we are as human beings.
6:48
SPEAKER_00: We're flawed, and so we need to apologize.
6:51
SPEAKER_00: It's the right thing to do.
6:53
SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, no, it's not biblical.
6:55
SPEAKER_00: There are other things that are biblical, and we're gonna talk about those, but you've got to stop thinking that saying I'm sorry is the kind thing to do and the right thing to do because the enemy is getting you to apologize for your purpose, for your calling, and for your identity.
7:14
SPEAKER_00: And it's affecting your ability to build the thing that he's called you to build, whether a business or a ministry.
7:19
SPEAKER_00: Whatever he's called you to do, you will ultimately, at least, at the very least, you will flag, you will quit a few times, you will be worn out, you will be burned out, you will be overwhelmed because you will believe the lie that says you have to apologize for who you are and for what you were called to do.
7:42
SPEAKER_00: And this is the problem, because it's not just, oh, don't apologize if you're right.
7:48
SPEAKER_00: It's don't apologize.
7:50
SPEAKER_00: It's not biblical.
7:51
SPEAKER_00: There are four other things, four other things, one, yeah, four other things that the Bible says for us to do when we're misaligned, when we're wrong.
7:59
SPEAKER_00: And so we need to get good at those, but we need to stop with this constant, I'm sorry, it's not biblical.
8:07
SPEAKER_00: So here are here are the four things.
8:10
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
8:11
SPEAKER_00: Number one is we are to recognize, acknowledge our wrongdoing, and pivot away from it.
8:21
SPEAKER_00: We are to repent to God, so we are to acknowledge if we've done something that's misaligned, we we acknowledge to God if we've done something that is against somebody else.
8:34
SPEAKER_00: Okay, we acknowledge it and we repent to God.
8:39
SPEAKER_00: In Psalm 51, after David has taken Bathsheba and then killed her husband in battle, nowhere does it say, David, you need to go apologize to Bathsheba, you need to go and do all these things to say, I'm sorry, to all these people.
9:03
SPEAKER_00: In Psalm 51, David says, Against you and you alone, O Lord, have I sinned.
9:09
SPEAKER_00: And he goes through a process of repentance in that in that psalm because he recognizes that what he did was a sin against God.
9:20
SPEAKER_00: What you'll notice is that that he took Bathsheba as a wife.
9:25
SPEAKER_00: That was a form of restitution or rest or restoration according to biblical laws and provisions.
9:35
SPEAKER_00: He had he had killed Bathsheba's husband.
9:41
SPEAKER_00: He's not taking her as a wife because he was like, oh, you know what?
9:45
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna kill Uriah so that I can take Bathsheba as my wife.
9:50
SPEAKER_00: He wasn't interested in making her his wife at that level.
9:54
SPEAKER_00: He wanted to sleep with her.
9:56
SPEAKER_00: But when he killed the man, he knew he had to take her as his wife.
10:02
SPEAKER_00: Because the Bible said says that you have to restore, that you have to make reparations or restoration.
10:09
SPEAKER_00: In the Old Testament, this was a law.
10:13
SPEAKER_00: You have to like, like now, I understand that the specific law in the Old Testament is redemption through the brother who when someone is killed.
10:23
SPEAKER_00: But David's guilt, his own guilt, he understood, I have to make this right.
10:29
SPEAKER_00: So repenting to God for the wrongdoing and recognizing and acknowledging the wrongdoing and pivoting away from it through repentance, this is found in Luke 17, verses 3 and 4.
10:40
SPEAKER_00: It's also found in Matthew 18, verses 15 to 17.
10:44
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so we are called to take responsibility for, acknowledge our wrongdoing, and repent to God.
10:53
SPEAKER_00: And then I also mentioned that paying of restitution or restoring someone for the physical losses, the practical losses that were incurred.
11:02
SPEAKER_00: This is found all throughout Leviticus.
11:04
SPEAKER_00: It's in the Mosaic law and the Levitical law.
11:08
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
11:09
SPEAKER_00: So those are two.
11:10
SPEAKER_00: What's another one?
11:12
SPEAKER_00: Confess your sin to one another.
11:14
SPEAKER_00: This is James 5:16 and 1 John 1.9.
11:18
SPEAKER_00: Says, we are to confess our sins to one another.
11:21
SPEAKER_00: In James, it says so that we may be healed.
11:23
SPEAKER_00: So that we may be healed, not so that we may be forgiven.
11:27
SPEAKER_00: Let's get this straight.
11:28
SPEAKER_00: Don't get it twisted.
11:29
SPEAKER_00: We're to forgive, as it said, the Bible says multiple times, Jesus said, if they are repentant, you forgive.
11:37
SPEAKER_00: So it is biblical to acknowledge, recognize your wrongdoing, and repent to God for it.
11:44
SPEAKER_00: It is biblical to pay restitution or restore to someone what they've lost as a result of your wrongdoing for physical or practical losses incurred.
11:53
SPEAKER_00: That's biblical.
11:54
SPEAKER_00: And it's biblical to confess your sin to one another, to say, I did this wrong thing.
12:02
SPEAKER_00: You can say, I'm heartfully sorry for it to God, I've repented for it.
12:09
SPEAKER_00: But here's the thing that alone doesn't do anything for the person because they're gonna see your repentance in your actions.
12:17
SPEAKER_00: Words don't repair.
12:20
SPEAKER_00: It's crazy.
12:21
SPEAKER_00: Words can harm, but words can't repair like that.
12:26
SPEAKER_00: So people are looking for your action and repentance will have fruit because you will act differently.
12:33
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
12:34
SPEAKER_00: And then here's the last one, the fourth one.
12:37
SPEAKER_00: Be reconciled to one another.
12:40
SPEAKER_00: Be reconciled to one another.
12:41
SPEAKER_00: That's Matthew 5, 23 to 24.
12:44
SPEAKER_00: And so, interestingly enough, you've got people who are gonna be not willing to reconcile with you until you apologize.
12:51
SPEAKER_00: But apology isn't biblical.
12:54
SPEAKER_00: So this is a little kerfuffle.
12:56
SPEAKER_00: This is a little conundrum when two people, two people in the family of God don't understand that apology isn't biblical.
13:04
SPEAKER_00: You might run into a little snag here because someone's gonna be like, No, until you apologize, I'm not gonna talk to you about reconciling.
13:13
SPEAKER_00: That's not biblical.
13:15
SPEAKER_00: The Bible says that they have to forget.
13:17
SPEAKER_00: If you're repentant, they have to forgive you.
13:20
SPEAKER_00: And the Bible says that we're ministers of reconciliation, so we've got to come to the table and we've got to reconcile.
13:27
SPEAKER_00: Apology isn't a part of that process.
13:30
SPEAKER_00: Acknowledging that you did something wrong, sure.
13:33
SPEAKER_00: Confessing it to one another, yes.
13:36
SPEAKER_00: Being repentant to God for it, yes.
13:40
SPEAKER_00: Making restitution or reparation or restoring someone their physical losses because of it, practical losses, yes.
13:48
SPEAKER_00: And then reconciliation.
13:51
SPEAKER_00: Those are the four things that are biblical.
13:54
SPEAKER_00: Those apology is not biblical.
13:58
SPEAKER_00: Here's the thing pride rules over our world, and you know, pride can get to the place that's because where the I'm sorry could sit in these four, right?
14:11
SPEAKER_00: So we said, I acknowledge my wrongdoing and I repent to God for it, it's a two-parter, okay?
14:17
SPEAKER_00: But I acknowledge my wrongdoing and I repent to God for it, I confess my sin to the other person, I make good restitution, reparations, right?
14:26
SPEAKER_00: And then I reconcile.
14:28
SPEAKER_00: These are the four steps.
14:29
SPEAKER_00: If you start at the first step that says, I acknowledge the wrongdoing, I take responsibility for it, and then part B is I repent for it, okay?
14:38
SPEAKER_00: The but the devil has no problem with part A.
14:43
SPEAKER_00: I know you're like, no, no, no, he doesn't want to admit that he's wrong.
14:46
SPEAKER_00: Oh no, he'll admit he's wrong and he'll let you admit that you're wrong if that's all he has to do.
14:53
SPEAKER_00: And so we will use I'm sorry to get part one a done.
14:58
SPEAKER_00: And the enemy will allow us to do part one a and acknowledge the wrongdoing without the repentance, without the confession to one another, without like without that heartfelt, like heart open, like yes, like I confess, I did this wrong.
15:18
SPEAKER_00: And then the restitution and the reparation, the fully taking responsibility for and the repentance part to God, uh-uh.
15:26
SPEAKER_00: Because if you repent, God realigns you.
15:29
SPEAKER_00: If you're realigned, you get your power back.
15:32
SPEAKER_00: If you get your power back, you become very dangerous to the kingdom of darkness if you're aligned and you have your power back.
15:39
SPEAKER_00: Do you get it?
15:40
SPEAKER_00: So this is why the enemy has convinced us that I'm sorry is the only thing that's necessary in order for there to be reconciliation.
15:48
SPEAKER_00: But this becomes very dangerous for us as kingdom builders and as people who bring the kingdom and um reconcile hearts to the Father.
15:58
SPEAKER_00: Because if we believe this lie, that all that it takes is acknowledgement of our wrongdoing.
16:03
SPEAKER_00: Do you understand that salvation follows this pattern too?
16:07
SPEAKER_00: You can't just say, Jesus said, not everyone who just says, Lord, Lord, is gonna go to heaven.
16:15
SPEAKER_00: Excuse me?
16:16
SPEAKER_00: Excuse me, call on the name of the Lord and you shall be saved.
16:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but there is a quality to it, a heart quality to it, a heart condition to it that submits, that's repentant.
16:30
SPEAKER_00: Apology has a spectrum, and on both ends of the spectrum is pride.
16:35
SPEAKER_00: On one side is false humility, and on the other side is making an idol out of someone.
16:42
SPEAKER_00: On one side where there's false humility, it's to say, I'm gonna say I'm sorry because I want to maintain control of this scenario.
16:51
SPEAKER_00: And if I don't say I'm sorry right now and recognize that I hurt this person, I will no longer be able to control them.
16:58
SPEAKER_00: So I will say I'm sorry, and this is actually false humility, but it's really pride.
17:04
SPEAKER_00: It's saying I want to keep control of this relationship.
17:07
SPEAKER_00: So I know now that there's no other way to do that but to say I'm sorry.
17:11
SPEAKER_00: So I'll say I'm sorry, I'll promise that it won't happen again, and we'll be good.
17:17
SPEAKER_00: And it works with codependent relationships.
17:19
SPEAKER_00: This works.
17:20
SPEAKER_00: Why?
17:21
SPEAKER_00: Because of the other side of the I'm sorry apology spectrum.
17:25
SPEAKER_00: This part is what I call the doormat response.
17:29
SPEAKER_00: This is the I'm sorry that gives control so that you can negotiate because you're afraid that you're either gonna get left or you're gonna get hurt.
17:42
SPEAKER_00: So, this is the one that I get very concerned about for my kingdom builders, for my Jesus girls who are building something for God and his kingdom and expanding the kingdom, is that number one, first and foremost, in every one of our purposes, in our God purposes, every single person, the one commonality in every one of our God purposes is that we would bring the kingdom, that we would expand the kingdom.
18:10
SPEAKER_00: I've taught about this for over 18 years now in my position to prosper course.
18:14
SPEAKER_00: And it's not just about making money, it's about how to prosper in life, how to thrive and prosper in life.
18:21
SPEAKER_00: And God provides according to the vision that he gives you, he provides to purpose, and you've got to be walking in your purpose.
18:30
SPEAKER_00: And the one commonality in all of our purposes is that we are expanding the kingdom with God.
18:37
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so the enemy will convince you that you're not gonna be able to get anyone on board with your vision and with your purpose.
18:48
SPEAKER_00: You're not gonna be able to convince anyone to follow you.
18:51
SPEAKER_00: You're not gonna be able to convince anyone to buy from you if you do not put yourself in this doormat response, this pick me energy, this, oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry.
19:03
SPEAKER_00: I'm I I I tried to sell to you.
19:05
SPEAKER_00: I'm so sorry.
19:06
SPEAKER_00: I I I I oh my goodness, I offered you something boldly.
19:10
SPEAKER_00: I'm so rude, I, I'm, I'm, um, I'm I'm greedy.
19:15
SPEAKER_00: I, you know, it's like, what?
19:17
SPEAKER_00: You know, but in relationships, this I call it the doormat apology because, or the doormat response, because it comes from a place that we're afraid that someone's gonna leave us or hurt us.
19:30
SPEAKER_00: And so we just take, I'm sorry, and we don't require the four things that the Bible actually requires.
19:37
SPEAKER_00: We don't say, no, no, no, no, you need to acknowledge your wrongdoing and you need to repent to God for it, and then I'll see changed behavior.
19:45
SPEAKER_00: You need to confess to me that you did it, right?
19:47
SPEAKER_00: You need to confess your sin.
19:49
SPEAKER_00: Um, you need to make reparation or restoration for what you stole from me, what I lost physically or practically.
19:57
SPEAKER_00: And then we need to, we need to reconcile.
20:01
SPEAKER_00: So that's what is required.
20:03
SPEAKER_00: And if if we think that the person that we think we need is gonna leave us or hurt us in that process, we'll lower our standard and we'll say, no, it's okay, just say I'm sorry.
20:16
SPEAKER_00: And this is actually a fear response.
20:19
SPEAKER_00: And it can be born out of trauma because we've been taught that people will leave or that they'll hurt us again.
20:25
SPEAKER_00: And so, but this is the thing.
20:27
SPEAKER_00: I was reading something about um trauma responses yesterday, and it said the most common win, like the most common closed loop in a trauma response, is unsubstantiated reward, unguaranteed reward.
20:44
SPEAKER_00: This has been proven by animal studies with rats in mazes and stuff, is that they can keep a rat going until they wear themselves out to death if they can't be sure whether they are gonna win in a maze or not.
20:59
SPEAKER_00: They will, they will, they will not sleep, they will not eat, because there is a chance that they could win.
21:07
SPEAKER_00: And that undoes them.
21:09
SPEAKER_00: And in people who have experienced trauma at any level, that unpredictable reward at the end will undo you.
21:17
SPEAKER_00: You need to you need to collapse the the quantum, you need to collapse the quiff, okay?
21:23
SPEAKER_00: Like you need to collapse that that that whole exercise.
21:27
SPEAKER_00: And you need to say, it's not about whether someone says I'm sorry or not.
21:31
SPEAKER_00: These are my boundaries, these are my standards.
21:34
SPEAKER_00: In order to get back to reconciliation and being able to walk together again, we need to A acknowledge the wrongdoing and we need to repent to God.
21:43
SPEAKER_00: We need to confess our sin to one another.
21:45
SPEAKER_00: We need to make the reparation, the restoration.
21:47
SPEAKER_00: We need to actually see the changed behavior and we need to restore what's been lost.
21:51
SPEAKER_00: And then we need to come to that reconciliation table.
21:55
SPEAKER_00: These are the requirements in order to walk with me in relationship.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: In safe, good boundary relationship.
22:02
SPEAKER_00: And this becomes really important because if you've learned this bad culture, this bad habit, and now you're in business or you're in ministry and you're trying to do things for God.
22:16
SPEAKER_00: Listen, there's gonna be some lies that the enemy is gonna put at you through people.
22:22
SPEAKER_00: Okay, get this.
22:23
SPEAKER_00: When you receive the worldly culture of apology, the devil will convince you that you have to apologize for who you are.
22:31
SPEAKER_00: Check it.
22:32
SPEAKER_00: See if this has ever been used against you.
22:36
SPEAKER_00: So God made you to serve with a solution for hire.
22:41
SPEAKER_00: He said to you, Look, I want you to build a business, and it's gonna cost something for someone to get that solution from you.
22:48
SPEAKER_00: It's valuable.
22:49
SPEAKER_00: I made you to offer this in a business format.
22:53
SPEAKER_00: And it is okay that you're gonna charge for it.
22:56
SPEAKER_00: They're gonna pay for it because the solution is valuable to them.
23:00
SPEAKER_00: This is who you are, this is your mission, this is what you're gonna do.
23:05
SPEAKER_00: You say, Yes, God, I'll do it, right?
23:08
SPEAKER_00: And then you start to hear the sound in the culture that says, You're pushy and salesy.
23:14
SPEAKER_00: You should be ashamed of yourself.
23:16
SPEAKER_00: You're charging for that.
23:18
SPEAKER_00: The gospel should be free.
23:20
SPEAKER_00: The Bible says that gospel should be free.
23:22
SPEAKER_00: I'm not charging you for the gospel.
23:25
SPEAKER_00: I'm charging you for an eight-module, eight-week, done with you course that helps you to get XYZ solution that is going to help you to make more money in your business.
23:37
SPEAKER_00: Nothing wrong with that.
23:38
SPEAKER_00: I do not need to apologize.
23:40
SPEAKER_00: Yet this culture is like you need to apologize.
23:43
SPEAKER_00: You're greedy, you're pushy, you're salesy.
23:46
SPEAKER_00: That's not Christian.
23:48
SPEAKER_00: That's demonic.
23:50
SPEAKER_00: That is a demonic spirit that's trying to get you to back up off of what God called you to be and to do.
23:56
SPEAKER_00: He said, I've made you, I have made you and called you to serve with a solution for hire.
24:02
SPEAKER_00: Build a business, make money, right?
24:05
SPEAKER_00: Another one, God gave you a sound to set people free.
24:08
SPEAKER_00: And yet you go out there and now you got haters and trolls in your post saying, You're mean, you lack compassion.
24:15
SPEAKER_00: This isn't like Jesus.
24:17
SPEAKER_00: This isn't like Jesus.
24:18
SPEAKER_00: Jesus would let everybody in.
24:21
SPEAKER_00: Jesus would give it all away for free.
24:24
SPEAKER_00: Jesus would.
24:24
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I didn't, I do not see that Jesus in the Bible.
24:28
SPEAKER_00: Um, but that's it's not even to me to argue with those people and negotiate with those people.
24:34
SPEAKER_00: Because when I do that, right, when I go, oh, I'm sorry, let's have a conversation about, let's negotiate, that shows that I'm afraid that I'm gonna lose them.
24:42
SPEAKER_00: Look, I am, I would rather lose people than lose my alignment with God.
24:49
SPEAKER_00: If God says that he has given me a particular sound to set people free, to serve people, I would do better to stick with the word that he's put in my mouth.
25:00
SPEAKER_00: Like he said to Jeremiah, he said, Look, dude, I'm gonna give you a word that you're gonna preach to the people, and they ain't gonna listen to you.
25:08
SPEAKER_00: They're gonna be mean to you, and they're gonna go into exile anyway.
25:12
SPEAKER_00: If they are gonna hate you, they are gonna call you names, they are gonna make fun of you, they're gonna mock you.
25:18
SPEAKER_00: Keep saying it.
25:20
SPEAKER_00: Keep saying it.
25:22
SPEAKER_00: Don't apologize, don't apologize.
25:24
SPEAKER_00: And specifically to Jeremiah, he's like, do not, don't move.
25:30
SPEAKER_00: So, we as kingdom builders, as kingdom bringers, we're gonna have the same challenge.
25:35
SPEAKER_00: And the world is like, just say you're sorry, just say it, just say it.
25:39
SPEAKER_00: Just say it, just say it that you're wrong.
25:41
SPEAKER_00: Because what the devil knows is that if you will say, I'm sorry, I'm wrong, you will pivot and you will go the other way.
25:49
SPEAKER_00: You'll back off, you'll get back footed, you won't continue.
25:53
SPEAKER_00: He's trying to get you to back off.
25:56
SPEAKER_00: It's like, it's not even that he's like, all he wants is to get you to stop bringing the kingdom.
26:04
SPEAKER_00: It's it's not even just that he wants you to feel bad about who God made you to be.
26:14
SPEAKER_00: He enjoys your pain, he enjoys your frustration, he enjoys your sadness and your trauma, he enjoys it.
26:23
SPEAKER_00: But in many ways, when we back up at this point, we're doing it to ourselves because we're partnering with what the enemy is bringing, we're agreeing with that lie.
26:33
SPEAKER_00: And so then we're tapping out.
26:35
SPEAKER_00: We're going, I'm sorry, I'll be different, I'll be smaller, I'll be quieter, I'll be better all the while.
26:43
SPEAKER_00: God is like, No, I gave you that specific word.
26:46
SPEAKER_00: That's the word that cracks through.
26:48
SPEAKER_00: That's the word of breakthrough for them.
26:50
SPEAKER_00: If they don't want to believe that, if they don't want to agree with it, that's fine, that's their choice, but they're gonna have to walk away.
26:57
SPEAKER_00: Don't you back down.
27:00
SPEAKER_00: That's the truth, that's the biblical truth.
27:02
SPEAKER_00: How about this one?
27:04
SPEAKER_00: God gave you the ability and assignment to create and steward wealth.
27:10
SPEAKER_00: You're gonna hear the sound out in the world, you're greedy, you idolize money.
27:14
SPEAKER_00: You're one of those prosperity Christians.
27:17
SPEAKER_00: Listen, if God made you with the ability and the assignment to create and steward wealth, it's because he wants you to expand the kingdom.
27:25
SPEAKER_00: The Bible says that there is gonna come a time when there's gonna be a transfer of the wealth from the wicked to the wise.
27:31
SPEAKER_00: How do you think that's gonna happen?
27:32
SPEAKER_00: Do you think it's just all of a sudden like rivers of money are gonna start going from the houses of the wicked or from certain cities into your house?
27:40
SPEAKER_00: Do you think it's just gonna fall from the sky?
27:43
SPEAKER_00: Or do you think that it's gonna happen through commerce?
27:45
SPEAKER_00: Do you think that it's gonna happen through windfall?
27:48
SPEAKER_00: Do you think that it's gonna happen through blessing?
27:49
SPEAKER_00: Do you think that it's gonna happen through relationships and people transferring those dollars?
27:56
SPEAKER_00: Do you think it's gonna happen through judgments, right?
27:59
SPEAKER_00: There is gonna be a practical way that this happens.
28:02
SPEAKER_00: But if you take yourself out of the game by going, you know what, they're right.
28:06
SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry.
28:07
SPEAKER_00: I was being, I was being greedy by running a business.
28:10
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I should really be doing this for free.
28:12
SPEAKER_00: God's up there like, hey, I wanted to transfer the wealth from the wicked to the wise, but you're not participating because you're participating in the culture of the world that says, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, apologize for how God made me.
28:28
SPEAKER_00: We gotta stop doing this.
28:30
SPEAKER_00: How about this one?
28:32
SPEAKER_00: God made you to live a Proverbs 31 woman, multifaceted life.
28:37
SPEAKER_00: He made you to be a godly daughter, a godly wife, a godly mother, a godly sister friend, and a godly entrepreneur.
28:45
SPEAKER_00: He made you all those things in one person.
28:48
SPEAKER_00: All of those things have as a commonality expand the kingdom.
28:53
SPEAKER_00: As a daughter, as a wife, as a mother, as a sister friend, as an entrepreneur, you are called to expand his kingdom and give him glory every step of the way.
29:02
SPEAKER_00: And you can do all of them.
29:05
SPEAKER_00: But but what winds up happening?
29:07
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you're abandoning your family.
29:09
SPEAKER_00: You're squandering resources, you're being so selfish for pursuing that purpose like that.
29:16
SPEAKER_00: I'm not sorry.
29:18
SPEAKER_00: I'm not sorry that I'm being who God made me to be.
29:22
SPEAKER_00: I'm not sorry that I'm being obedient to the call and the assignment that He's placed on my life.
29:28
SPEAKER_00: I'm not sorry.
29:29
SPEAKER_00: You'll have people going, well, that's not the fruit of the spirit.
29:32
SPEAKER_00: Listen, a fruit of the spirit is not apology.
29:35
SPEAKER_00: It's kindness, patience, self-control.
29:39
SPEAKER_00: You know, there are these fruits of the spirit, and none of them is being a doormat.
29:43
SPEAKER_00: None of them is apologizing for your identity, your purpose, or your assignment.
29:48
SPEAKER_00: None of them.
29:49
SPEAKER_00: None of them.
29:51
SPEAKER_00: None of them.
29:53
SPEAKER_00: I like you need to look at the fruit of the spirit and then look at the life of Jesus and understood that understand that there are many, there are many examples of the fruit in Jesus' life with many different moods and modalities.
30:09
SPEAKER_00: Jesus never apologized.
30:11
SPEAKER_00: He didn't apologize for flipping tables, he didn't apologize for interrupting a funeral procession to raise someone from the dead.
30:19
SPEAKER_00: He didn't apologize when the rich young ruler couldn't get there and sell his stuff and follow him.
30:25
SPEAKER_00: He didn't apologize.
30:27
SPEAKER_00: Why?
30:28
SPEAKER_00: Because he knew who he was, he knew what he was called to do, and he knew he was capable in the spirit to do it.
30:36
SPEAKER_00: He wasn't gonna apologize.
30:40
SPEAKER_00: And you and I need to understand that we're called to the same.
30:45
SPEAKER_00: You gotta understand that when you do that, when you step away from who God made you to be and called you to be so that you can apologize, so you can stabilize a relationship because you're afraid of losing, you're sinning against God.
31:02
SPEAKER_00: So, how do you feel about stabilizing that relationship?
31:06
SPEAKER_00: Does that feel better than being reconciled to God?
31:10
SPEAKER_00: I know that sounds real rough, but it's biblical.
31:14
SPEAKER_00: You can test all of this.
31:16
SPEAKER_00: I want you to, because we need to get this foundation in us because for far too often and for far too long, you've been convinced to apologize for who you are, for what you've been called to, for the sound that you're making, for your purpose, for how you help people, and you'll back off and say, I'm sorry, just because someone says you're being mean or rude.
31:39
SPEAKER_00: Acts 18, 9 and 10.
31:42
SPEAKER_00: God says to Paul, look, do not be silent.
31:46
SPEAKER_00: Do not back off.
31:47
SPEAKER_00: Keep making the sound that I've given you, keep doing the work that I've given you to do.
31:52
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter that every time you plant a church, false teachers and prophets go in there and try to tear down what you've done.
31:59
SPEAKER_00: Keep preaching, keep teaching, keep walking, keep making the sound.
32:07
SPEAKER_00: If you buy into this apology culture, you are going to be at risk for laying down your purpose.
32:15
SPEAKER_00: I am not telling you, I am not telling you to not do what the Bible says when you've wronged someone.
32:23
SPEAKER_00: When you've done something wrong, you need to acknowledge it.
32:26
SPEAKER_00: And the way that someone can come to you is not to say, you need to say you're sorry, you need to apologize, you need to be ashamed for who you are.
32:33
SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, no.
32:34
SPEAKER_00: Matthew 18 tells you what to do.
32:36
SPEAKER_00: They're like, hey, you've wronged me in this.
32:39
SPEAKER_00: Do you see it?
32:41
SPEAKER_00: And then our response is to acknowledge if we did it, repent to God, confess to them, say, yep, make reparation, restitution, repair what's been broken, and then reconcile.
32:56
SPEAKER_00: That's the whole point of Matthew 18.
32:59
SPEAKER_00: Matthew 18 is not there to kick people out of churches.
33:03
SPEAKER_00: Matthew 18 is there.
33:04
SPEAKER_00: Jesus spoke the words of Matthew 18 so that we would have a pathway to reconciliation that was true and honoring and glorifying to God and made us the church that he called us to be.
33:17
SPEAKER_00: And if we are gonna give into this apology culture, step one A of four things that the Bible tells us to do to get reconciled, we're gonna be living in a hellacious environment and calling it church and calling it godly.
33:33
SPEAKER_00: And that's gross.
33:35
SPEAKER_00: That's just gross.
33:36
SPEAKER_00: And it and it hurts people.
33:38
SPEAKER_00: We need to stop teaching people that they need to say, I'm sorry.
33:41
SPEAKER_00: Like, I know that this is a hard concept.
33:44
SPEAKER_00: Like, how do you teach kids this?
33:46
SPEAKER_00: How do you teach kids this?
33:47
SPEAKER_00: Because um, mentally speaking, like I did a lot when I when I had postpartum anxiety um 17 years ago, um, I did a lot of reading in neurobiology, specifically Dr.
33:59
SPEAKER_00: Caroline Leaf, and then I branched out from there and I read um some papers at the NIH and I did some of my own research.
34:07
SPEAKER_00: And one thing that kept on coming up over and over and over is developmental cycles of the brain.
34:13
SPEAKER_00: And children do not have the ability to authentically feel empathy until about the age of nine.
34:21
SPEAKER_00: So they have a really hard time understanding like this this concept of empathy.
34:29
SPEAKER_00: So that is why we teach children the rote exercise of saying I'm sorry.
34:36
SPEAKER_00: We we teach them the the like environmental signals of, oh, I've been mean, I've been rude, I've been, I've wronged my friend, I need to say I'm sorry.
34:48
SPEAKER_00: And there's not necessarily anything wrong with that because Proverbs 622 tells us to train a child up in the way that they should go, and when they're old, they will not depart from it.
34:56
SPEAKER_00: So to teach them the container of this is okay.
35:01
SPEAKER_00: So long as while we're discipling them in their development, we're actually teaching them the four biblical things that go along with that.
35:11
SPEAKER_00: It's that is there, there is a humility in recognizing I'm wrong.
35:17
SPEAKER_00: But even a child pre-nine years old can't really conceptualize that they wronged someone.
35:23
SPEAKER_00: They don't have the brain structures and the functionality to truly understand what that feels like for the other person.
35:31
SPEAKER_00: They cannot put themselves in another person's shoes.
35:35
SPEAKER_00: So we teach them the steps, but it's only one A step is to say, Oh, I'm wrong.
35:43
SPEAKER_00: I did something wrong against you.
35:45
SPEAKER_00: We can also teach the rote steps of confessing to the person, looking at the person and saying, I took your toy out of your hand when you were playing with it, and that was wrong.
35:57
SPEAKER_00: That's okay.
35:58
SPEAKER_00: The law is our tutor.
35:59
SPEAKER_00: Galatians 3 says that the law is our tutor until Christ comes along, and we have this inner, inner knowing and revelation by the Holy Spirit that can lead us into all truth and into all knowledge and remind us of what Jesus said, right?
36:15
SPEAKER_00: So it's okay if we're like that's the first stopping point, but the devil is making child's play out of it.
36:24
SPEAKER_00: He's going, you just have to do one A.
36:26
SPEAKER_00: And the reality is the Bible says that there are four complete steps to reconciliation.
36:32
SPEAKER_00: And we need to stop.
36:33
SPEAKER_00: We need to stop with this.
36:34
SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, because it's not, it's not biblical and it's also impacting our ability to walk out our purpose.
36:41
SPEAKER_00: So on that side of listening to all of those lies, we'll just constantly be the in the I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, back footed loop.
36:50
SPEAKER_00: But if we will go back anytime there's an accusation, anytime there's one of those negative sounds coming against you, anytime there's a lie, anytime there's slander, anytime there's mockery, you've got to go back to what God said about you.
37:06
SPEAKER_00: And there are the generalities of what God has said about you as a child of God all throughout the Bible.
37:12
SPEAKER_00: And then you have specifics about you that probably came through prophecy, whether it be you were reading the Bible and something jumped up and wrapped you across the face, or a prophet spoke to you, someone prayed for you and gave you a word.
37:26
SPEAKER_00: That's why it's important to write those things down and keep them.
37:29
SPEAKER_00: Because when people go wild because they want to control you, or because they are afraid and they start lying on you and accusing you and being trying to be codependent with you and telling you that you've got to do something so that they can feel safe or better.
37:46
SPEAKER_00: This is when this comes into play.
37:48
SPEAKER_00: And you've got to go to the place of, you know, what did God actually say?
37:54
SPEAKER_00: You know, and I can show you really practical ways how this could come up.
37:58
SPEAKER_00: Like, for instance, I sell I sell programs, and they are, you know, the program that I'm currently doing is$777 if someone pays it in full.
38:07
SPEAKER_00: If they pay it on a payment plan, it's nearly$1,000.
38:10
SPEAKER_00: So someone comes in and I have something called a 14-day money back guarantee.
38:16
SPEAKER_00: 14 days, you can try it.
38:18
SPEAKER_00: If you don't like it, if you don't feel like it's gonna work for you, you can get your money back in the first 14 days.
38:25
SPEAKER_00: Beyond 14 days, you can't get your money back.
38:28
SPEAKER_00: Now, what happens when someone comes to me and says, I um had an unexpected uh financial thing happen and I'm strapped now for cash?
38:40
SPEAKER_00: Okay, are you are you going and saying the same thing to your landlord?
38:44
SPEAKER_00: Are you going and saying the same thing to the water company and the light company?
38:49
SPEAKER_00: Because you made an agreement.
38:50
SPEAKER_00: You you signed an agreement and you you said you were gonna pay this.
38:55
SPEAKER_00: So does that make me a bad Christian because I'm enforcing a contract?
39:01
SPEAKER_00: Or does it make me a good Christian because my yes is yes and my no is no?
39:07
SPEAKER_00: Neither, because I'm good because Jesus is good, but my job as a good follower of Jesus is to do the word, the will, and the ways of God.
39:18
SPEAKER_00: And he said, Let your yes be yes, let your no be no.
39:21
SPEAKER_00: And the thing is, like if God says to me, and I've had situations that have come up where God has said to me, Hey, just release them from the contract, and I will do it.
39:30
SPEAKER_00: And then there are times when God says, Don't release them from the contract because I'm doing something for them through this.
39:36
SPEAKER_00: Okay, I won't.
39:38
SPEAKER_00: In none of those situations do I say, I'm sorry for you getting into a contract with me.
39:49
SPEAKER_00: Especially not if I'm like, no, I'm sorry, I can't cancel the contract for you.
39:54
SPEAKER_00: And then they want to go nuclear on me and they want to accuse me and slander me.
40:00
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I'm I'm just I'm just doing the contract.
40:04
SPEAKER_00: I'm just doing the contract.
40:06
SPEAKER_00: I'm not sorry.
40:08
SPEAKER_00: I'm not.
40:09
SPEAKER_00: So now we have to go through, and this is an opportunity for you to run through those four as a business owner and go, okay, is there something that I need to acknowledge wrongdoing for?
40:18
SPEAKER_00: No.
40:19
SPEAKER_00: So do I need to confess a sin to them?
40:21
SPEAKER_00: No.
40:21
SPEAKER_00: Do I need to repent to God for this?
40:23
SPEAKER_00: No.
40:24
SPEAKER_00: Is there some reparation that I need to pay, some uh repair that I need to make for them physically, practically?
40:30
SPEAKER_00: No.
40:31
SPEAKER_00: Okay, well then reconciliation, I'm at the table of reconciliation.
40:35
SPEAKER_00: You're gonna have to come to the table of reconciliation.
40:38
SPEAKER_00: Is there a sin that you need to confess?
40:40
SPEAKER_00: Is there a wrongdoing that you need to acknowledge?
40:42
SPEAKER_00: Is there something you need to repent for?
40:45
SPEAKER_00: But we got to come to the table of reconciliation fully knowing that I'm sorry isn't the way that we get there.
40:51
SPEAKER_00: There are these four biblical things that need to happen.
40:54
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
40:56
SPEAKER_00: And this becomes a really great sanctification check for ourselves because we have responsibility when someone accuses, when someone slanders, when someone says something that's not true, we have a choice about whether we're gonna take that on and whether we're gonna agree with it or not.
41:15
SPEAKER_00: If we agree with it, we're doing something wrong too.
41:19
SPEAKER_00: Two wrongs don't make a right, and it definitely doesn't make you humble.
41:23
SPEAKER_00: That's false humility to give in to the lie that someone is speaking over your life instead of going to God, getting aligned, speaking the truth, and standing in who God made you to be.
41:35
SPEAKER_00: This is why it is so vital to me that I teach you about this as a kingdom bringer, my friend.
41:41
SPEAKER_00: Because if you don't get this, the enemy will use, he'll pull the lever of you being ashamed and sorry about every decision that you make that that seemingly wrongs somebody else.
41:54
SPEAKER_00: If they're hurting, it's your fault.
41:57
SPEAKER_00: If they're if they're in pain, if they're traumatized, if they're triggered, it's your fault.
42:02
SPEAKER_00: You need to change.
42:04
SPEAKER_00: Not necessarily always so.
42:06
SPEAKER_00: And definitely not because they're complaining.
42:09
SPEAKER_00: The way that you change is because you go to God and you repent to God, and that is what changes you.
42:18
SPEAKER_00: You get realigned with the truth, and that will benefit people.
42:24
SPEAKER_00: When you're aligned, you are great to be around.
42:27
SPEAKER_00: When you are aligned in the word, will, and ways of God, you are amazingly safe and good to be around.
42:34
SPEAKER_00: So that should be our standard.
42:37
SPEAKER_00: Not whether we're complying with somebody else's demands.
42:42
SPEAKER_00: This is really valuable when you go back to the mindsets that I taught you in the first week of the blueprint, right?
42:49
SPEAKER_00: Steadfastness.
42:50
SPEAKER_00: You need to be steadfast on your identity, your purpose, and your calling from God.
42:55
SPEAKER_00: Period.
42:56
SPEAKER_00: No negotiating.
42:57
SPEAKER_00: Be steadfast.
42:58
SPEAKER_00: Doesn't matter what anybody says to you.
43:00
SPEAKER_00: You're not gonna apologize.
43:02
SPEAKER_00: Apol don't apologize for nothing.
43:04
SPEAKER_00: I hear Pastor Dean's voice.
43:06
SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's number one.
43:08
SPEAKER_00: Consistency.
43:09
SPEAKER_00: You need to be steadfast consistently.
43:12
SPEAKER_00: You cannot, you can't be like making excuses for why you're gonna apologize to this person and not that person and this person.
43:19
SPEAKER_00: I was tired, I was backed against a wall, I was gonna lose a big contract.
43:23
SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, no.
43:25
SPEAKER_00: Be consistently steadfast in your identity, your purpose, and your calling.
43:29
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
43:30
SPEAKER_00: And then third, third is resilience.
43:33
SPEAKER_00: When you make a mistake, when you get caught in the trap, when you take the bait, and now you got people, people in.
43:40
SPEAKER_00: Now you got people walking around going, see, see, I was right.
43:42
SPEAKER_00: And you're like, oh God, you weren't right.
43:45
SPEAKER_00: This is wrong.
43:46
SPEAKER_00: You've got to be resilient.
43:47
SPEAKER_00: That means you got to go back to God and you got to do that repentance work for taking the bait, for saying you're sorry when you shouldn't have.
43:56
SPEAKER_00: Like that's a that's a real thing.
43:59
SPEAKER_00: That's a real Thing you might have to repent to God for saying sorry to somebody.
44:05
SPEAKER_00: Why?
44:05
SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes God will will tell you, um, if you truly, if you haven't done something wrong, you can't apologize because if you do that, the person who's working through their offense, they now can peg the pain and the trauma that they're experiencing to you incorrectly because you've taken it.
44:27
SPEAKER_00: That's Jesus' job, not yours.
44:30
SPEAKER_00: That's Jesus' job.
44:31
SPEAKER_00: The only job that you would have is if you actually wronged that person, is to make reparations, to make restitution, to repair what was broken, lost in the physical and in the practical.
44:42
SPEAKER_00: That's your only job.
44:44
SPEAKER_00: You cannot repair them mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.
44:49
SPEAKER_00: That's Jesus's job.
44:51
SPEAKER_00: So when you say I'm sorry, because you think it'll make it easier for them to heal, for them to not be triggered, you're actually sinning against God.
44:59
SPEAKER_00: And you're you're creating a bigger problem for that person.
45:03
SPEAKER_00: I've had situations where someone is literally hurt.
45:08
SPEAKER_00: They are so like it is so clear they are in tremendous pain, they are so traumatized, and they're triggered.
45:17
SPEAKER_00: And I something that I said or did triggered them.
45:21
SPEAKER_00: And now they're standing in front of me demanding an apology.
45:25
SPEAKER_00: And I've had situations where I've had to say, here's what I can say.
45:32
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it comes out as gratitude, sometimes it comes out as um reinforcement of truth around who that person is, their identity, their purpose, their calling, uh, their attributes, their giftings, their anointing.
45:50
SPEAKER_00: It's it's always comes out as the truth.
45:54
SPEAKER_00: I cannot say I'm sorry as an unholy filler so that you can stop hurting.
46:02
SPEAKER_00: That that's not my job.
46:04
SPEAKER_00: That's Jesus' job.
46:06
SPEAKER_00: And if we want to be good leaders, if we want to be good business owners, entrepreneurs, breakers, uh pioneers, uh, visionaries, uh, teachers, guides, coaches, then we have to understand that it is subpar for us through saying I'm sorry, to try and take someone's pain that in a way that is not ours to do.
46:32
SPEAKER_00: And so I want to encourage you to read scripture.
46:37
SPEAKER_00: I gave you some scriptures in in this chat, um, so you can look at those.
46:44
SPEAKER_00: But do your own research, do your own digging into the word of God around those four steps of reconciliation and what the Bible says about I'm sorry.
46:53
SPEAKER_00: And and and and just sit with the Lord on it and get realigned to what God has for you as you stand on your identity, your calling, and your purpose without wavering.
47:05
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
47:06
SPEAKER_00: Because we're doing a lot of damage in the body of Christ when we are just so quick to say I'm sorry about things.
47:14
SPEAKER_00: One, because sometimes you shouldn't be saying I'm sorry, and sometimes because you're saying I'm sorry, but you really need to be doing these four other things.
47:22
SPEAKER_00: It it cuts both ways.
47:24
SPEAKER_00: So we we really need to have a good biblical truth-based foundation under us when it comes to reconciliation and how we stay in good, healthy relationship with one another.
47:37
SPEAKER_00: And that includes when we are business owners, ministry runners who are building the kingdom and expanding the kingdom with God.
47:45
SPEAKER_00: This makes you very powerful as you walk in your identity, your purpose, and your calling in Christ Jesus.