Latest / Raising ADHD: Real Talk For Parents & Educators / How to Talk to Kids About Having ADHD: A Mom's Guide to Making It Normal

Transcript

How to Talk to Kids About Having ADHD: A Mom's Guide to Making It Normal · Raising ADHD: Real Talk For Parents & Educators

• 0:00
  Apryl: Have you been putting off talking to your child about ADHD?
• 0:04
  Apryl: In today's episode, I am diving into the mom perspective of how I talk to my daughter with ADHD.
• 0:11
  Apryl: We're going to talk about different age groups, how to talk to them, and how to help them become their own self-advocates.
• 0:18
  Apryl: Let's dive in.
• 0:20
  Apryl: Welcome to Raising ADHD, the podcast for parents and teachers raising ADHD kids.
• 0:25
  Apryl: If you've ever felt frustrated, overwhelmed, or just unsure what to do next, you're not alone.
• 0:31
  Apryl: I'm April Bradford, a former teacher and ADHD mom, and alongside my husband, Dr.
• 0:37
  Apryl: Brian Bradford, a child and adolescent psychiatrist, we're here to give you the clarity, strategies, and support you've been looking for.
• 0:45
  Apryl: Every week we break down the misconceptions, answer your biggest questions, and share real tools you can use right away at home and in the classroom.
• 0:54
  Apryl: So if you're ready to feel more confident and less overwhelmed, you're in the right place.
• 0:59
  Apryl: Hey there, welcome back to Raising ADHD.
• 1:02
  Apryl: This week we are diving in to a topic that I think weighs heavily on a lot of your minds.
• 1:09
  Apryl: I got the sweetest DM from a listener, Melissa.
• 1:14
  Apryl: Thank you so much, Melissa.
• 1:16
  Apryl: You have no idea what your message means to me.
• 1:19
  Apryl: In her message, she said, I would love, one thing I would love to hear more about is how to talk to your child about their ADHD diagnosis, how to explain it in a way that's empowering and not intimidating, and how to make the conversation feel natural rather than heavy.
• 1:36
  Apryl: So that's what we're gonna dive in today.
• 1:38
  Apryl: And this week it's going to be me, and you're gonna get the mom edition of it.
• 1:44
  Apryl: And then next week it is going to be with me interviewing Brian.
• 1:49
  Apryl: And Brian has ADHD, and he's also the psychiatrist.
• 1:55
  Apryl: So we're gonna get the personal side of it, as you know, growing up with a kid in the 90s, which I think was so different than now, um, and what he wishes he would have had and known.
• 2:09
  Apryl: And then we will talk about the clinical side and especially when our kiddos have thoughts like self-harm thoughts, things like that, that do end up happening a lot with our kiddos with so being able to talk about that as well.
• 2:26
  Apryl: So that's next week.
• 2:27
  Apryl: This week, let's dive into how do I tackle this conversation as a mom.
• 2:34
  Apryl: So I did a reel on this um because it was just a day-to-day life moment, and so I talked about an a moment in the car with my daughter.
• 2:47
  Apryl: And so we'll start there, and then I'm gonna break down by what I as a parent, what my philosophy is, and then we'll break down age groups and how you can talk about ADHD with different age groups, how to talk about their brain, how to help them become self-advocates and start to recognize how their brain works.
• 3:08
  Apryl: All right, so let's dive in.
• 3:09
  Apryl: So the other day, my daughter, they were taking, they've been taking end-of-year testing.
• 3:15
  Apryl: And so for the last part of the day, instead of doing like typical math homework or typical math work, they have been doing more like outside the box thinking, brain challenges, things like that.
• 3:27
  Apryl: And my daughter gets in the car, she's so excited.
• 3:30
  Apryl: This is day two of doing these, and day one, same thing.
• 3:34
  Apryl: I've never seen her so excited about something that she's working on in school.
• 3:37
  Apryl: Uh, she brings this paper and it has just circles, had 12 circles.
• 3:43
  Apryl: And then the challenge was it was the circle challenge, and what they had to do was they had to turn the circles into something else.
• 3:50
  Apryl: And her teacher actually made it a challenge that they would get points based on how many they would get a point if no one else had the same circle as them.
• 4:00
  Apryl: So she actually ended up with eight points.
• 4:02
  Apryl: Eight out of 12 of the circles were different than the other kids in her class.
• 4:08
  Apryl: And she really is very creative.
• 4:10
  Apryl: As we know, our kiddos with ADHD brains, they do tend to have more creative outside-the-box thinking, right?
• 4:17
  Apryl: And so she was showing me all of hers, and of course, I'm like blown away because I'm like, I would have never thought to turn a circle into that, but it's amazing, right?
• 4:26
  Apryl: And so I say to her, and this is literally just like a one-minute conversation.
• 4:32
  Apryl: I said to her, um, you like I just was pointing out like how creative she was.
• 4:38
  Apryl: Like, wow, you got eight out of 12 points.
• 4:41
  Apryl: That's a lot.
• 4:42
  Apryl: No wonder why you won.
• 4:43
  Apryl: And I said, Do you know why that is?
• 4:47
  Apryl: And I said, Did you know that ADHD brains are more creative?
• 4:51
  Apryl: And she just kind of looked at me like, and I was like, Did you notice that you're very creative?
• 4:56
  Apryl: And she's like, Yeah.
• 4:57
  Apryl: And I was like, that is an aspect of an ADHD brain.
• 5:01
  Apryl: How cool is that?
• 5:03
  Apryl: And so I have conversations like this very frequently with her, just kind of pointing things out.
• 5:09
  Apryl: I'll ask her, here's another one that um I will ask her because me as a mom without an ADHD brain, I want to understand it the best that I can.
• 5:23
  Apryl: And I want her to recognize her brain as well.
• 5:25
  Apryl: So I ask her questions out of curiosity and I let her know that.
• 5:30
  Apryl: Like, I don't understand this because my brain doesn't work the same way your brain does.
• 5:34
  Apryl: So I'm trying to understand it.
• 5:36
  Apryl: So I will ask her things like, Do you notice a difference when you're on medication?
• 5:43
  Apryl: Or do you notice when it's starting to wear off?
• 5:45
  Apryl: Or do you notice when it's kicking in?
• 5:47
  Apryl: And she I talked to her teacher the other day.
• 5:51
  Apryl: Um, and her teacher was like, Yeah, she came in the classroom.
• 5:55
  Apryl: This was a day of end of year testing.
• 5:58
  Apryl: And the teacher was like, She was kind of, you know, more bouncy than and louder, more boisterous than normal.
• 6:08
  Apryl: And she told her teacher, she's like, My medication hasn't kicked in yet.
• 6:12
  Apryl: And she's like, I was so impressed of how self-aware she is of her medication and how it works.
• 6:19
  Apryl: And I was like, like it was a silent, like cheer moment of like, yay! Like she notices, she notices the difference, and she can also, she was able to voice and advocate for herself, being like, My medication hasn't begin yet.
• 6:33
  Apryl: Like, she can tell her teacher that, right?
• 6:36
  Apryl: And be able to communicate that with her teacher because she is also self-aware.
• 6:41
  Apryl: So that those are just two little conversations that just day-to-day conversations.
• 6:48
  Apryl: So let's dive into my philosophy as mom.
• 6:52
  Apryl: And my philosophy is obviously my philosophy.
• 6:56
  Apryl: This is my philosophy with my kids in general.
• 7:00
  Apryl: I am very open with my kids.
• 7:04
  Apryl: I don't hide things from them.
• 7:07
  Apryl: Um, and so I just talk about them.
• 7:09
  Apryl: I like I feel like the more we talk about it, just the more regular it is.
• 7:13
  Apryl: And we also, I mean, we my husband has ADHD.
• 7:17
  Apryl: My family, his family, like we have so much ADHD in our family that we kind of joke about it too, you know?
• 7:25
  Apryl: So we've always been very open about it.
• 7:29
  Apryl: And when she was diagnosed, I don't, I mean, it was a few years ago now, and so I don't remember the very specifics, but I just kind of told her like your brain works differently than other brains.
• 7:43
  Apryl: And so, and I've talked about this on the podcast before.
• 7:47
  Apryl: One of the things that made me go, oh, she probably needs to be tested for this was she told me that she watches cat videos in her head all day.
• 7:57
  Apryl: This was in kindergarten.
• 7:58
  Apryl: And I was like, Okay, that's a sign.
• 8:00
  Apryl: And so, you know, at that time I talked to her, like, oh, we need to be able to listen to what the teacher is saying.
• 8:07
  Apryl: And sometimes our brains work differently, and they struggle with being able to pay attention to what the teacher's saying, you know, so I just very simple conversations and always definitely age appropriate, but I'm also a huge, huge advocate.
• 8:23
  Apryl: I mean, this is the teacher in me, but books teach so many good life lessons.
• 8:30
  Apryl: So when you can have a book that teaches something, that is huge.
• 8:35
  Apryl: So one of them that we have is My Brain is a Race Car.
• 8:38
  Apryl: That's a favorite one.
• 8:40
  Apryl: There's one that all dogs have ADHD.
• 8:42
  Apryl: That's a fun one as well.
• 8:44
  Apryl: There's so many good books.
• 8:46
  Apryl: Uh, we just read, my daughter read um oh ADHD Wrapped Up by he is a teacher from Australia, I'm pretty certain, Mr.
• 8:57
  Apryl: G.
• 8:58
  Apryl: He is also like a TikTok sensation.
• 9:00
  Apryl: She's really enjoyed this book, and it's so funny.
• 9:03
  Apryl: She's been carrying the book around with her, and it's really good.
• 9:07
  Apryl: But books are super, super helpful to be able to explain the things in ways that kids get and use analogies and pictures, and sometimes the things that are hard for us as parents to explain.
• 9:21
  Apryl: Books can do it in a really great way.
• 9:24
  Apryl: You have my mom perspective of, you know, we are just very open, child appropriate, we you are age appropriate, and just using those day-to-day moments, especially, I mean, it's the positive moments like her brain being creative.
• 9:41
  Apryl: There's also times like when she's very overwhelmed.
• 9:45
  Apryl: And again, because I have been so open with her and talked to her about it and asked her questions about it, asked her questions about like, do you recognize what's going on in your brain?
• 9:56
  Apryl: Do you realize that?
• 9:57
  Apryl: Like, she can verbally communicate things and recognize what's happening when she's getting overwhelmed or overstimulated.
• 10:05
  Apryl: It was happening um this morning.
• 10:08
  Apryl: She needed to, all she needed to do was put her shoes and socks on.
• 10:13
  Apryl: And she was, it's pajama day, and she was wanting to wear her slippers, and I was saying way too many words.
• 10:20
  Apryl: And she was finally like, You're overwhelming my brain.
• 10:25
  Apryl: You're saying way too much.
• 10:26
  Apryl: And I was like, You're right.
• 10:28
  Apryl: I totally am saying way too much.
• 10:30
  Apryl: So I just stopped talking and because she knew what she was needed to do, and we had already had I had already said way too much about no, you're not wearing slippers, you need to have shoes so you can go to recess, right?
• 10:43
  Apryl: I'd already said all the things she knew.
• 10:45
  Apryl: I just needed to stop and let her do her thing, and there was no blow-up because she was able to communicate that she her brain was getting overwhelmed with all of the chaos that I was creating.
• 11:00
  Apryl: And so I just stopped, and that's that helped.
• 11:04
  Apryl: So when we can, you know, talk to our kids, it really does help, not just for them to know that they have a neurodivergent brain, but also for them to be able to be self-advocates for themselves to be able to communicate when they're struggling.
• 11:22
  Apryl: Okay, so with that said, let's dive into some different age bands here of what you can talk about, how to talk about it for that is age appropriate for those kiddos.
• 11:33
  Apryl: So we're gonna start very first with that preschool and that early elementary.
• 11:38
  Apryl: Now, most of the time you won't get a diagnosis in preschool.
• 11:42
  Apryl: Most most um practitioners are gonna wait until at least kindergarten to diagnose.
• 11:48
  Apryl: But just because they don't have an official diagnosis, we're parents.
• 11:53
  Apryl: Like our mom intuition is so strong, like we usually have a very good idea, right?
• 12:00
  Apryl: So, but once they get that diagnosis, um, then we obviously are going to want to talk to them as well.
• 12:08
  Apryl: So this preschool to early elementary, so about ages four to eight, okay.
• 12:13
  Apryl: That's what we're talking here.
• 12:15
  Apryl: So the goal for talking to our kiddos at this age is we want to keep it simple, we want to use correct language, we want to normalize it, and we want to be able to connect with their lived experience and reassure them that no matter what, we love them and they are always safe.
• 12:35
  Apryl: Okay, those are the core things.
• 12:37
  Apryl: So, how do you actually talk about it then?
• 12:41
  Apryl: That's what we want to do.
• 12:42
  Apryl: How do we talk about it?
• 12:44
  Apryl: Number one, you can frame it like your brain is super fast.
• 12:50
  Apryl: That means that when it's super fast, sometimes things are harder.
• 12:54
  Apryl: And you can use, you know, the analogy of a race car.
• 12:59
  Apryl: I think it would be super cool to pull up a YouTube video of a race car and show the speed of a race car, and then pull up like an old Model T, like a video of a Model T and talk about see how fast your brain is and see how slow the Model T is.
• 13:17
  Apryl: The brakes, do you think and talk about like brakes, right?
• 13:20
  Apryl: Do you think the brakes for that old Model T car need to be as good as the brakes for the um for the race car?
• 13:28
  Apryl: And they'll be like, no, like the race car needs really good brakes.
• 13:31
  Apryl: And then we can talk about, yeah, that's that's the thing, is you have this crazy amazing fast brain, but the problem is is that your brakes, the brakes for your brain were built for a Model T.
• 13:45
  Apryl: Do you think that's gonna be hard to make your brain stop?
• 13:49
  Apryl: They're gonna be like, yeah, that's gonna be really hard, right?
• 13:52
  Apryl: And so then we can talk about like, okay, well, sometimes because of that, it makes things harder.
• 13:57
  Apryl: And you can again use an analogy.
• 14:00
  Apryl: Like, do you think it would be really hard for a race car driver to go around really sharp turns if they didn't have brakes that work very well?
• 14:08
  Apryl: Yeah, it would be really hard.
• 14:09
  Apryl: Like they might wreck, right?
• 14:11
  Apryl: They might hit the wall.
• 14:12
  Apryl: Same thing with your brain.
• 14:14
  Apryl: Sometimes things are really hard because our brains are just working too fast, right?
• 14:20
  Apryl: And that may look like when you have to sit still in class, your brain is going so fast and your body is sitting still and it gets boring.
• 14:31
  Apryl: And it's really, really hard for your brain to push those brakes because it wants to go.
• 14:37
  Apryl: And so, and talking about normalizing crashes, right?
• 14:40
  Apryl: Normalizing crashes with this race car.
• 14:42
  Apryl: Like, yeah, they're probably gonna, you know, wreck a lot until they learn, until the driver learns.
• 14:48
  Apryl: Like, I have a really fast car with really bad brakes, and so I have to learn how to work with my car so I can get it to go around the turns like I want it to.
• 14:57
  Apryl: It's not impossible.
• 14:59
  Apryl: We just have to learn how to do it.
• 15:00
  Apryl: That is what we're we want to do with our kiddos, is we want to teach them strategies to manage it.
• 15:06
  Apryl: But before that, they have to understand that their brain does work different.
• 15:10
  Apryl: And we can also talk about what does different mean?
• 15:14
  Apryl: Does different mean bad?
• 15:15
  Apryl: No, different doesn't mean bad.
• 15:18
  Apryl: And again, depending on what your kiddo is into, we can always use analogies to make make them understand this.
• 15:27
  Apryl: So we're gonna stick with the race car analogy because it works.
• 15:31
  Apryl: But I have nephews who absolutely love fast cars, and we could talk about oh, do you, you know, is this car better or worse than this car?
• 15:43
  Apryl: And they're like, no, they're both like super cool cars.
• 15:46
  Apryl: Yeah.
• 15:47
  Apryl: Same with the brains, like they have different cool things about them, but they just work differently.
• 15:53
  Apryl: But that doesn't make one bad and one good, they're just different.
• 15:57
  Apryl: And being able to explain that to your kiddos.
• 16:00
  Apryl: And I'm thinking about my daughter, she's into horses, she loves to ride horses.
• 16:04
  Apryl: So we could talk about the horse that she has is this slow old horse that she rides, but then there's like this big horse at the stable that's like a racing horse.
• 16:14
  Apryl: And are either one of them bad?
• 16:16
  Apryl: No, they're not bad, they just have different skills, but they're both super talented and cool horses, right?
• 16:23
  Apryl: So being able to use analogies is really helpful for our kids because the we're gonna dive into the teacher part for just a minute.
• 16:34
  Apryl: The teacher part of me.
• 16:35
  Apryl: Anytime we can connect new learning with something that a kid already knows or understands, they're obviously going to understand it better.
• 16:41
  Apryl: We connect with background knowledge.
• 16:43
  Apryl: That's what we're doing with these analogies.
• 16:45
  Apryl: We're helping them understand in a way that their brain gets it.
• 16:49
  Apryl: Okay.
• 16:50
  Apryl: So we can talk about the speed of the brain.
• 16:53
  Apryl: We can talk about how it can be very hard when our body has to sit still, but our brain is in, you know, is that race car going fast.
• 17:00
  Apryl: We can also talk about how some things are your superpower, like being able to hyperfocus.
• 17:07
  Apryl: So many of our superstars or athletes, you know, like Michael Phelps, Simone Biles, there's so many of them that they talk about, you know, that ADHD and this being able to hyper focus was a superpower for them.
• 17:25
  Apryl: Not everyone can hyper focus like that, but the ADHD brain can.
• 17:30
  Apryl: And being able to harness that in a good way can be a superpower, right?
• 17:36
  Apryl: And a lot of times our ADHD kiddos, again, talking to them, like you have amazing ideas.
• 17:43
  Apryl: Like your brain is so good at coming up with ideas, and then you get lots of energy because of it.
• 17:49
  Apryl: So just being able to talk to them about that.
• 17:51
  Apryl: So that's more like the brain, how the brain is working, right?
• 17:55
  Apryl: And then you can also compare it.
• 17:57
  Apryl: Some people need glasses.
• 17:59
  Apryl: Well, your brain needs certain tools to help it focus.
• 18:03
  Apryl: And you know, if you're going down the road of medication, you can talk about medication here.
• 18:08
  Apryl: If you are choosing not to medicate, okay, well, then we have to make sure that our body gets in good movement because our our body, uh the movement helps our brain.
• 18:19
  Apryl: And we have to make sure that we eat good protein because that's gonna help our brain, right?
• 18:23
  Apryl: We talk about the different tools that can help.
• 18:26
  Apryl: Sometimes, like if you have a fidget or if you're shaking your leg, all of these things can help, right?
• 18:31
  Apryl: So we want to talk about how different tools can help their brains.
• 18:36
  Apryl: So another thing that we definitely want to highlight here is we want them to know that this is not their fault.
• 18:44
  Apryl: This is, they did not choose this.
• 18:47
  Apryl: ADHD is how their brain is built.
• 18:50
  Apryl: And I am a big, big proponent of talking about the brain is different.
• 18:55
  Apryl: It's just different, it's just wired in a different way, right?
• 18:58
  Apryl: Just like we're talking about the cars.
• 19:00
  Apryl: Even the same model of car, I have a nephew who loves McLaren's, okay?
• 19:06
  Apryl: So we could have the exact same McLaren, the same model, everything.
• 19:11
  Apryl: But maybe you chose some different features for this one.
• 19:15
  Apryl: You chose a different color seat, you chose different color paint, you chose, you know, uh maybe this one has heated seats and this one has heated and cooled seats, right?
• 19:26
  Apryl: The those different options.
• 19:27
  Apryl: They're not broken, they're just different.
• 19:33
  Apryl: Okay.
• 19:33
  Apryl: Our brains are different, they're not worse, they're different.
• 19:38
  Apryl: And we want to highlight those differences.
• 19:41
  Apryl: And I do think that we also, like we were talking about how it can be hard.
• 19:47
  Apryl: We don't want to have toxic positivity here and like, oh, your brain is great, because we do know that they're going to struggle, but we also want to give them hope and let them know, like, oh, we just have to learn how to drive the race car with bad brakes, right?
• 20:02
  Apryl: We can learn this.
• 20:03
  Apryl: Another thing to let them know is lots of kids and adults have ADHD.
• 20:11
  Apryl: We know that about 11% of kids are diagnosed with ADHD.
• 20:17
  Apryl: Those are the ones that are diagnosed.
• 20:20
  Apryl: So when we when they look in their classroom, they're not the only one with ADHD.
• 20:26
  Apryl: The average American US school class is between 20 and 30.
• 20:32
  Apryl: So we take the middle of that.
• 20:33
  Apryl: 25 kids, at least two kids, two point something kids in that class have diagnosed ADHD.
• 20:42
  Apryl: Okay, so they're not alone.
• 20:43
  Apryl: This is very, very common.
• 20:45
  Apryl: It's the most common child diagnosis, right?
• 20:48
  Apryl: So they are in good company, they are not alone.
• 20:50
  Apryl: And this is where you know we talk about like people that they will know.
• 20:55
  Apryl: Look for people that they will know and they look up to.
• 20:58
  Apryl: Dave Pilke, um, Captain he wrote Captain Underpants and Dogman, all big movies, right?
• 21:04
  Apryl: Or not movies, but books and movies.
• 21:06
  Apryl: Um, but being able to show, and and I really like Dave Pilke.
• 21:10
  Apryl: He talks about his struggles, how he was always out in the class, out of the class, because again, he grew up in like 80s, 90s, and we didn't have the resources.
• 21:20
  Apryl: Just being able to talk to our kiddos and letting them know that they're not alone and they're not broken, it's just different.
• 21:25
  Apryl: It's not broken.
• 21:26
  Apryl: Okay.
• 21:27
  Apryl: So here's an example script that can help when we're talking to these this early elementary, these four to eight-year-old kids.
• 21:35
  Apryl: Okay.
• 21:36
  Apryl: We've noticed that it can be really hard for you to sit still and focus, especially when the activity isn't very fun.
• 21:43
  Apryl: The doctor has a name for that, and it's called ADHD.
• 21:47
  Apryl: I would I would use the words too, because I think that knowledge is power.
• 21:52
  Apryl: So ADHD, that stands for attention, and you can break this down to what does it mean to pay attention?
• 21:58
  Apryl: Deficit.
• 21:58
  Apryl: What does the word deficit mean?
• 22:00
  Apryl: Hyperactivity disorder and being able to like break down those words and talk about what that means.
• 22:06
  Apryl: Now, keeping on with the script.
• 22:08
  Apryl: So talking, you know, breaking down what does the word ADHD mean?
• 22:13
  Apryl: That just means your brain likes to move and think quickly.
• 22:17
  Apryl: There are lots of kids like you.
• 22:18
  Apryl: Our job is to help your brain feel good and make school and home easier.
• 22:23
  Apryl: None of this means that you're bad, and none of this means that you're broken.
• 22:28
  Apryl: We're all different.
• 22:29
  Apryl: And that's what makes us human.
• 22:31
  Apryl: Okay.
• 22:31
  Apryl: So there's an example script for that.
• 22:34
  Apryl: So let's talk now the tweens, those nine to 12-year-olds.
• 22:38
  Apryl: So we're gonna add more here about how the brain works.
• 22:43
  Apryl: And in this band, we're also going to introduce self-advocacy and address self-esteem and peer comparison.
• 22:52
  Apryl: Okay.
• 22:52
  Apryl: So again, we want to talk about how ADHD is different.
• 22:57
  Apryl: The ADHD wrapped up is a great book for this age of kids.
• 23:02
  Apryl: Um, and again, picture books are always helpful.
• 23:05
  Apryl: I think, I mean, I taught uh middle school and I taught down to first grade.
• 23:13
  Apryl: And picture books, kids like picture books.
• 23:16
  Apryl: So, and even with our older ones, you may just set the book out, guess what?
• 23:25
  Apryl: And just don't say anything about it, just like set it out like it's yours and you're gonna read it.
• 23:29
  Apryl: Guess what?
• 23:29
  Apryl: They're gonna like pick it up and read it.
• 23:31
  Apryl: So that's the way to do it.
• 23:32
  Apryl: But picture books are great, but one thing that we want to talk about with them is again the brain.
• 23:39
  Apryl: You can even get like the model of the brain and talk about the prefrontal cortex.
• 23:44
  Apryl: And you know, this age of kids, they're super, super intrigued by things like this.
• 23:52
  Apryl: And so, you know, you can talk about okay, this is where your brain, you know, like where this uh affects your brain, and talk about what happens in the prefrontal cortex, and we can talk about too, even in in all kids, this part of the brain isn't fully developed until you're in your mid-20s.
• 24:14
  Apryl: Isn't that crazy?
• 24:15
  Apryl: Mid-twenties, that our brain's still developing.
• 24:18
  Apryl: So, how we want to frame this with this group is ADHD is a difference in how your brain handles, and you could say executive functions.
• 24:28
  Apryl: And what what the heck are executive functions?
• 24:30
  Apryl: Well, those are things like think of it like a little, you know, executive at a business up in your brain.
• 24:37
  Apryl: Or you could use here the air traffic control system, especially if they have flown on an airplane.
• 24:45
  Apryl: You could pull up videos on YouTube and talk about air traffic control.
• 24:49
  Apryl: Like, this is their brain, it handles so much.
• 24:52
  Apryl: They have to pay attention.
• 24:53
  Apryl: This is where the part of your brain that pays attention and planning and organizing and impulse control.
• 25:00
  Apryl: And that's why things like homework and remembering steps and staying in your seat can be harder for you than your classmates.
• 25:09
  Apryl: So being able to normalize that.
• 25:13
  Apryl: And then also we want to bring in their the strengths of ADHD.
• 25:17
  Apryl: But here's the cool part ADHD brains are also very creative and they can hyperfocus on things.
• 25:25
  Apryl: You notice that when you like for right now, I'm gonna use an example.
• 25:30
  Apryl: My daughter, her hyperfocus has been pom-poms.
• 25:33
  Apryl: You notice that when you're doing pom-poms, you can like sit and do that forever, and you don't even notice that the time is past.
• 25:40
  Apryl: Yeah, that's called hyperfocus.
• 25:42
  Apryl: Did you know that when we can put that hyper focus to good use, like you can do amazing things, right?
• 25:48
  Apryl: You have a brain that thinks outside the box, and so your problem solving skills are really cool because you can think outside of the regular and solve problems in a different way.
• 26:02
  Apryl: You're funny, like ADHD kids are funny, like they're humorous.
• 26:07
  Apryl: So being able to talk about that and then willingness to take risks.
• 26:11
  Apryl: So, you know, your peers might be afraid to do things, but your brain, because it's work works differently, you're willing to take and do things that they don't even dare to do because you have this brain that is wired differently, works differently.
• 26:27
  Apryl: Another thing to talk about with these kids, one thing, key concepts you want to do here is use clear names and the basics of the condition.
• 26:34
  Apryl: So being able to talk about the brain and the parts of the brain and what it does, right?
• 26:40
  Apryl: Having a simple picture of the brain and a short kid-friendly video.
• 26:43
  Apryl: We know our kids love YouTube.
• 26:45
  Apryl: Sometimes they listen to YouTube videos better than us.
• 26:47
  Apryl: So and then talk to them.
• 26:49
  Apryl: Everyone has a brain profile, and everyone has things that come easily to them and then things that they need support with.
• 26:58
  Apryl: An ADHD is just one version of that of a brain.
• 27:02
  Apryl: We just normalize that, okay?
• 27:05
  Apryl: And then we can talk about with an ADHD brain, there are tools that we can use to help make things easier.
• 27:12
  Apryl: And again, I do think the race car model works well here with these kiddos as well.
• 27:19
  Apryl: Especially, you know, a 12-year-old boy, talk cars with them.
• 27:22
  Apryl: Yeah, they're gonna like that, you know.
• 27:24
  Apryl: So um talk about the tools, talk about how when we can do get into routines, do things in a specific order, then it makes it so their brain doesn't have to work hard so hard.
• 27:38
  Apryl: And that's why, especially if you're just starting into all of this, that's why we're gonna start implementing some different things in our house, is just to make it easier on your brain.
• 27:49
  Apryl: And then if you're doing medication again, talking about the medication and how it helps the brain.
• 27:55
  Apryl: And if they've been on the medication and you just haven't brought it up to them, talk to them about it.
• 28:00
  Apryl: Be like, how do you feel on the medicine?
• 28:03
  Apryl: Do you notice a difference on the medicine?
• 28:05
  Apryl: Like, be open and have that conversation because the more open you can be, then it's gonna help you too.
• 28:10
  Apryl: Like, here's another example with my daughter.
• 28:14
  Apryl: She had been on long acting um mesophenidate.
• 28:19
  Apryl: She's been on that all school year.
• 28:21
  Apryl: And then in was it like end of February, early March, she started telling me how she was, she was coming home every single day, just upset from school.
• 28:32
  Apryl: And she's like, I just keep getting in trouble in her.
• 28:36
  Apryl: She has a teacher in the morning that does language arts, teacher in the afternoon that does math, and she was getting in trouble in the afternoon class.
• 28:43
  Apryl: And I was like, okay, well, tell me what's going on.
• 28:46
  Apryl: And then I was like, well, why don't we test and see if two short acting medication works better than one long acting?
• 28:57
  Apryl: She's like, okay, let's do that.
• 28:58
  Apryl: And she can verbalize and tell me, I like the short acting better.
• 29:03
  Apryl: It works better.
• 29:04
  Apryl: And she likes how it makes her feel better.
• 29:07
  Apryl: And so we have those conversations because we've always been open about it.
• 29:11
  Apryl: So I would highly suggest starting to open up and talk about it and normalize it.
• 29:16
  Apryl: Here's an example script that you could talk to your kiddo.
• 29:21
  Apryl: So, number one, you could talk about, hey, you know, I noticed that you're struggling in school where I'm getting calls from the teacher.
• 29:30
  Apryl: You're struggling here at home to get, or we're struggling here at home to get homework done.
• 29:35
  Apryl: I think you might have something called ADHD and, you know, talk about what it is, and then say, I think it would be a good idea to get tested for this and then talk about what the test is.
• 29:51
  Apryl: This is not a blood test, no needles are involved.
• 29:55
  Apryl: All I'm gonna do is I can ask the teacher to fill out um a it's pretty much like a survey.
• 30:01
  Apryl: You could even show it to them.
• 30:03
  Apryl: Um, and and you can even like pull up the Vanderbilts on the on the website, and I mean you can download it off of Google, just Google it, and ask them like, do you feel like this?
• 30:15
  Apryl: Like, go through it with them.
• 30:16
  Apryl: It's not gonna hurt.
• 30:17
  Apryl: Like, it just helps them be more aware, right?
• 30:20
  Apryl: And so, you know, that's what testing looks like is we just have the teacher fill out a form, I'm gonna fill out a form, your dad's gonna fill out a form, and we just take it to the doctor, and then the doctor looks at it and they know they can see the scores of the form, and then we can decide from there what the testing says, right?
• 30:42
  Apryl: And then once the testing is done, and and depending on your pediatrician or your psychiatrist, depending on who you end up going to, they're usually pretty good to talk about ADHD with the kids, at least ours was.
• 30:57
  Apryl: Hopefully, yours will be too.
• 30:58
  Apryl: So they will, you know, probably talk about this a bit, but you can talk about it.
• 31:03
  Apryl: Obviously, us as parents, we always want to be like the best advocate for our kids and talk to them.
• 31:08
  Apryl: So you can talk about, hey, your testing shows you have ADHD.
• 31:12
  Apryl: That means your brain has a harder time with things like organizing, starting work, and stopping to think before you act.
• 31:19
  Apryl: It also means that your brain is great at creative ideas and can focus like a laser on things you care about.
• 31:26
  Apryl: And there's nothing wrong with you.
• 31:29
  Apryl: We just need strategies and maybe some tools to help your brain out of school and at home.
• 31:35
  Apryl: There you go.
• 31:36
  Apryl: And again, I think the more open you can be, the more always the better with this.
• 31:43
  Apryl: And then when let's get to our teens.
• 31:45
  Apryl: So, here, full transparency.
• 31:48
  Apryl: This is a partnership in treatment decisions and addressing stigma with them and future worries.
• 31:56
  Apryl: So you can, I mean, they're old enough.
• 31:59
  Apryl: This is your diagnosis, you deserve to understand it.
• 32:02
  Apryl: ADHD affects attention, planning, organization, and impulse control.
• 32:06
  Apryl: I would literally use the term executive function skills because that is going to be able to carry with them through adulthood to be like, okay, and they can Google that.
• 32:19
  Apryl: What is executive function skills and they can learn more about it, right?
• 32:23
  Apryl: Um, and it can impact things like school and friendships and driving and eventually work, but it's very manageable when we use the right supports.
• 32:34
  Apryl: And that's what we're going to start implementing, especially if this is a later diagnosis.
• 32:40
  Apryl: But if it's not a later diagnosis and you're just barely talking to them about it, you can say, like, that's why you take medication.
• 32:46
  Apryl: Maybe it's finally coming up because they're like, why do I take this medicine every day?
• 32:50
  Apryl: Right.
• 32:50
  Apryl: Or you're like, this is why we do this in our house, is because I've known since you were eight years old that this was an issue.
• 33:01
  Apryl: And so I've just been putting these supports in place and you just didn't realize it, right?
• 33:05
  Apryl: You could talk about things like that.
• 33:07
  Apryl: Key concepts you want to talk with your teen about is discuss co-occurring issues.
• 33:14
  Apryl: This is really, really big for this age group.
• 33:16
  Apryl: So things like anxiety and depression um are co-occurring with ADHD and kiddos.
• 33:25
  Apryl: And if present, if you feel these thoughts, and I would maybe talk about, especially if you have kind of seen it as a parent, like you see the underlying, like, oh, they have a lot of anxiety or they do struggle with the depression.
• 33:41
  Apryl: Like, talk about like this is what that feels like.
• 33:44
  Apryl: And putting words to it so they can actually be able to talk about it as well and not just feel like something's wrong with me and I have to hide this, right?
• 33:53
  Apryl: So you can talk about it at a high level without it being overwhelming, okay?
• 34:00
  Apryl: And then talk about their strengths and how successful adults with ADHD manage.
• 34:06
  Apryl: So they use timers, they use coaching, they use meds, they use exercise, and they've adjusted their environments to fit them.
• 34:13
  Apryl: Like this is not something that has to be debilitating your whole life.
• 34:17
  Apryl: Like you can do amazing things.
• 34:19
  Apryl: And again, pulling up people that maybe they look up to that they can, you know, see, oh, like these people are successful.
• 34:31
  Apryl: This isn't some life sentence.
• 34:33
  Apryl: I can still be successful at this.
• 34:35
  Apryl: I just have to have the right tools.
• 34:37
  Apryl: And then ask them, talk to them, invite them to share their perspective on what's hardest for them.
• 34:44
  Apryl: What have they noticed works for them?
• 34:47
  Apryl: Doing this and creating this co create, like this co-partnership is going to build buy-in with them too.
• 34:54
  Apryl: So another script here for this age group, you've been evaluated.
• 35:00
  Apryl: And again, it's not going to be a surprise that they've been evaluated.
• 35:03
  Apryl: You're not like secretly doing it.
• 35:06
  Apryl: I mean, they're going to have to be the ones who take the forms to their teacher.
• 35:10
  Apryl: I mean, unless you're like taking the front office, but I would not see any reason why sneaking behind their back to try to do this.
• 35:17
  Apryl: Make it very clear and open from the get-go.
• 35:20
  Apryl: So you've been evaluated, and the diet the doctor is diagnosed you with ADHD.
• 35:25
  Apryl: That lines up with what we've noticed.
• 35:27
  Apryl: It's hard to start tasks, you lose track of assignments, and your brain feels noisy and overwhelming.
• 35:33
  Apryl: ADHD ADHD does not mean that you're lazy or not smart.
• 35:38
  Apryl: Some very successful people have ADHD.
• 35:41
  Apryl: Again, pull up examples.
• 35:43
  Apryl: It does mean, though, that we need to take it seriously and figure out what mix of strategies, routines, and maybe medication works for your brain.
• 35:53
  Apryl: I want you in the driver's seat of that process as much as possible.
• 35:57
  Apryl: But can you see how at this age level we are co-creating this with them?
• 36:03
  Apryl: We are helping them take control and be the ones who are in charge instead of um us saying, this is what you're gonna do, this is when you're gonna do it, this is your plan.
• 36:16
  Apryl: No, have them help because it's going to create buy-in and it's going to help go into adulthood as well, where they know how to build the supports and the structures because they've also been co-creating it with you when they lived under your roof.
• 36:32
  Apryl: So here are some do's and don'ts when talking to your kiddo.
• 36:38
  Apryl: So language and tone.
• 36:40
  Apryl: Number one, do start early.
• 36:42
  Apryl: It is never too early to talk at a developmentally appropriate level.
• 36:50
  Apryl: Do pick your moment.
• 36:51
  Apryl: Talk when the child is relatively regulated and not in the middle of a meltdown or transition.
• 36:57
  Apryl: We don't want to, you know, when they're freaking out, like, oh, this is because you have ADHD, right?
• 37:01
  Apryl: And they're like, what the heck are you talking about?
• 37:04
  Apryl: We want to be able to do this in a calm moment.
• 37:07
  Apryl: Keep it positive and realistic.
• 37:10
  Apryl: Acknowledge the struggles, but also emphasize the strengths and hope.
• 37:15
  Apryl: Use the child's own language.
• 37:18
  Apryl: So if they're like, oh, I have the wiggles or my brain won't stop, use that language and talk in their language about what that is.
• 37:31
  Apryl: And do revisit this conversation many times in small casual ways.
• 37:36
  Apryl: Just like I started the beginning of this episode.
• 37:40
  Apryl: We talk about ADHD probably on the daily.
• 37:45
  Apryl: I mean, granted, it's what I do, but we I mean, just as a mom, I'm talking to my daughter about it all the time.
• 37:54
  Apryl: So talk about it in casual ways.
• 37:58
  Apryl: Don't label the child as the diagnosis.
• 38:01
  Apryl: Don't say you are ADHD or you have a disorder or you are disordered.
• 38:09
  Apryl: Right?
• 38:09
  Apryl: We want to say you have ADHD, right?
• 38:13
  Apryl: Not you are ADHD.
• 38:16
  Apryl: Don't present it as shameful or a secret or something to hide.
• 38:21
  Apryl: This just creates shame around it, which we do not want to create shame.
• 38:27
  Apryl: Don't focus on the list of deficits or use ADHD as a global explanation for all problems.
• 38:34
  Apryl: Because you're ADHD, you always do do no, we don't want to do that.
• 38:40
  Apryl: Don't let ADHD become a blanket excuse.
• 38:43
  Apryl: Help kids see that ADHD explains challenges, but it doesn't remove responsibility or effort.
• 38:52
  Apryl: Here are some quick phrases for you as a parent.
• 38:56
  Apryl: Your brain works differently, and different isn't bad.
• 38:59
  Apryl: It just means we need different tools.
• 39:01
  Apryl: Just like with our race car, right?
• 39:03
  Apryl: Going back to the race car.
• 39:04
  Apryl: Well, guess what?
• 39:05
  Apryl: If we put regular gas in a race car, it's not going to work like a race car.
• 39:11
  Apryl: We have to put race fuel in a race car.
• 39:14
  Apryl: And so we have to use different tools for your brain because it's a different brain and it's okay.
• 39:21
  Apryl: We just have to have different tools.
• 39:23
  Apryl: ADHD explains why some things are hard and it doesn't define you.
• 39:28
  Apryl: Lots of kids and adults have ADHD.
• 39:31
  Apryl: You're not alone.
• 39:32
  Apryl: Again, I think using that statistic of 11%, so one in nine kids, and talking about um, you know, okay, you have 25 kids in your class.
• 39:42
  Apryl: Well, how many groups of nine is that?
• 39:45
  Apryl: That's almost three groups of nine.
• 39:47
  Apryl: So you're pretty close to almost three kids in your class having ADHD.
• 39:52
  Apryl: Talking to them about our job as your parents is to help you figure out how your brain works best.
• 39:58
  Apryl: And that's what we're gonna do.
• 39:59
  Apryl: We're gonna help support you and we're gonna figure this out together because you can thrive with ADHD, just like your favorite author, Dave Pilke, or your favorite actor, Ryan Gosling, or your favorite singer, Carrie Clarkson, right?
• 40:16
  Apryl: Or Kelly Clarkson.
• 40:17
  Apryl: There's so many, so many amazing people out there that um have ADHD.
• 40:24
  Apryl: It's very common, the most common childhood diagnosis.
• 40:29
  Apryl: So they are not alone, and just letting them know that is huge.
• 40:34
  Apryl: We talked about a lot today.
• 40:36
  Apryl: There is a lot to talk about with your kids.
• 40:39
  Apryl: Number one thing that I would suggest is just always being open.
• 40:44
  Apryl: Make it a part of your day today.
• 40:47
  Apryl: This isn't weird, this isn't something to be ashamed of, this isn't something that has to be secretive.
• 40:52
  Apryl: It's just that their brain works differently.
• 40:55
  Apryl: It's not broken, it just works different and it's okay.
• 40:59
  Apryl: Next week, Brian will be on the podcast talking from not just personal experience, but the clinical experience as well.
• 41:06
  Apryl: And especially when it comes to um those harder things, anxiety, depression, the impulsive thoughts of like self-harm, things like that.
• 41:14
  Apryl: We'll talk about that as well.
• 41:16
  Apryl: So don't miss next week.
• 41:17
  Apryl: Come hang out on Instagram, and I will see you next week, same time, same place, friend.
• 41:24
  Apryl: And until then, take a deep breath.
• 41:26
  Brian Bradford: You've got to thanks so much for joining us for today's conversation on raising ADHD.
• 41:31
  Brian Bradford: Remember, raising ADHD kids doesn't have to feel overwhelming.
• 41:34
  Brian Bradford: Small shifts can make a big difference.
• 41:36
  Brian Bradford: If you found this episode helpful, it would mean the world if you would hit subscribe, if you would leave a review, or if you shared it with another parent or teacher who needs this support.
• 41:46
  Brian Bradford: And don't forget to join us next week for more real talk, practical tips, and encouragement.
• 41:50
  Brian Bradford: Until then, you've got this, and we've got your back.