Latest / Ambitious Podcast / EP.99: Dreamstorming: The 3-Phase Framework That Scales Ideas Into Execution | The Ambitious Podcast

Transcript

EP.99: Dreamstorming: The 3-Phase Framework That Scales Ideas Into Execution | The Ambitious Podcast · Ambitious Podcast

• 0:00
  All too often, entrepreneurs accidentally fall into the
• 0:02
  isolation traps. So many of us throw out these
• 0:05
  one liners of achievement or goals or like I'd love to do
• 0:08
  blank but haven't actually thought about what that would
• 0:11
  look like. We don't necessarily think about
• 0:13
  what would the 100K month feel like, What would it look like?
• 0:16
  Most of us struggle to explain that because we talk about our
• 0:18
  vision or we talk about our goals like one blanket.
• 0:21
  Thing Every idea is a good idea if there's a plan to integrate
• 0:25
  it and execute it. It's not that the dream is
• 0:27
  crazy, it's that when we think it out loud and speak it out
• 0:30
  loud, our brain starts to process other possibilities.
• 0:33
  How many of us, when making a plan, will even keep ourselves
• 0:37
  from noting down a plan or noting down a step?
• 0:40
  Because as soon as we come up with the idea, we instantly poke
• 0:42
  holes in it being like, no, that's not going to work.
• 0:44
  Hello and welcome back to the Ambitious podcast.
• 0:47
  Today we are joined by an incredible guest.
• 0:49
  And in this episode, we're going to be diving in to something
• 0:52
  that I will tell you is going to be a framework for you in
• 0:55
  business conversations. It's going to be something that
• 0:58
  will help you with your team, with your clients, and actually
• 1:01
  is going to help you in so many ways in interpersonal
• 1:04
  relationships, whether it's with your family, your friends, your
• 1:07
  romantic partner. This framework that we're going
• 1:10
  to be diving into today is something that I have used in
• 1:13
  every area of my life and still this day shows so many ways that
• 1:17
  it impacts me. This framework is taught by
• 1:21
  George Bryant. And George Bryant, you guys have
• 1:23
  seen him on other episodes. There's a reason he's a frequent
• 1:25
  guest. Number one, he's an incredible
• 1:27
  business coach who has a specialty in helping businesses
• 1:30
  to scale all the way up to 8 figures a year in revenue.
• 1:33
  But he also is as well, my incredible partner.
• 1:36
  And one of the benefits is that we have these amazing
• 1:39
  conversations about business and frameworks and strategies.
• 1:43
  And I'm, I hear something he says and I'm like, we need to
• 1:45
  bring us on the podcast. So today he is going into a
• 1:48
  framework that is called Dream storming.
• 1:50
  This is actually originally created by Walt Disney and it
• 1:53
  was basically a framework that was used where he built three
• 1:58
  different rooms and three different categories within his
• 2:01
  company to unlock different states of thinking.
• 2:04
  So we're going to break down exactly what the model is.
• 2:07
  What is the framework? You're also going to probably
• 2:10
  have, as you listen, listen to it, this curiosity of OK, like
• 2:12
  this is a super cool framework, super cool strategy, but how do
• 2:16
  I use this? And so we're also going to talk
• 2:18
  about specific ways both in business and in your
• 2:21
  interpersonal relationships or your personal life, easy ways to
• 2:24
  integrate this for you. And also we're going to discuss
• 2:28
  which I think is probably the most important aspect of it,
• 2:31
  your triggered state, because in communication within teams or
• 2:35
  in, you know, business or in personal, there's how we show up
• 2:39
  when we're, you know, doing really well and we're feeling
• 2:42
  emotionally neutral. And there's times in when we
• 2:44
  show up and we're very emotionally triggered and not
• 2:47
  changes. And so we're going to talk to
• 2:48
  you about how to change the way you communicate based off of
• 2:53
  that triggered state and how to know what yours is and what to
• 2:56
  do about it. And we're also going to look at
• 2:59
  a bunch of different applications of what this can
• 3:01
  look like in your day-to-day life.
• 3:03
  So whether it's the business side, if it's a problem you're
• 3:06
  trying to solve, if it's your business vision for yourself,
• 3:09
  maybe it's even your life vision of what you want for yourself or
• 3:12
  a decision that you're trying to make, this framework is going to
• 3:14
  help you to do that. So this model is something that
• 3:18
  I will say, George teaches at retreats, he taught to me in
• 3:23
  business intensives, we did together.
• 3:25
  And I want to invite you that of any episode, get a paper and
• 3:28
  pen. You're going to want to write
• 3:31
  down what the framework is. You're going to want to write
• 3:33
  down what some of the guidelines or rules around the framework
• 3:36
  are. There's a lot in this episode
• 3:39
  that's very, very meaty. And so you're going to want to
• 3:41
  take some notes along the way. So my recommendation to you is
• 3:44
  grab that paper and pen. And without further ado, let's
• 3:46
  get into today's episode. Hello, you guys, and welcome
• 3:49
  back to the ambitious podcast. Today we are diving in with if
• 3:53
  you are watching this, I'm very familiar face.
• 3:55
  I feel like it's my gut is saying probably his third or
• 3:58
  fourth time, I feel like unambitious.
• 4:01
  But of course, we keep bringing him back #1 because he's my
• 4:04
  amazing partner. But two, also because he has
• 4:06
  insane insights and just adds so much value and so many
• 4:10
  frameworks that I'm just like, I just want everything that I've
• 4:13
  learned from him to also share with you.
• 4:15
  So, George, welcome back to the podcast.
• 4:18
  Thanks, honey, I feel like this is like my second home.
• 4:21
  I I just I want like a permanent a permanent seat.
• 4:25
  But I love I love being here and I'm I'm excited to share and to
• 4:29
  talk and I'll see, you know, I like love your ladies too, since
• 4:33
  I'm on calls with them anytime I can get and your people are
• 4:35
  incredible. So like, let's go.
• 4:38
  Yeah, we got to make you a make you a segment or something
• 4:40
  because he's right. He also does do calls inside of
• 4:45
  our accelerator mastermind. So the ladies in there have had
• 4:48
  lots of experiences. He does some mindset workshops,
• 4:51
  teaches his framework, his customer journey strategies.
• 4:53
  So lots of if you want more George goodness, he does
• 4:56
  coaching similar to me for scaling businesses, but also he
• 4:59
  has a lot of goodness in the mastermind too.
• 5:01
  But I wanted to have you back on because we just wrapped at your
• 5:06
  retreat in Montana, which was absolutely incredible.
• 5:10
  And at that retreat, watching you teach this framework that
• 5:15
  we're going to talk about today and seeing the conversations
• 5:19
  that obviously came up not only business wise, but also personal
• 5:22
  wise. There was so many breakthroughs
• 5:25
  and so much duality of clarity and awareness that people had as
• 5:28
  a result of you teaching that. And so as soon as I saw the
• 5:31
  conversation that that created in both men and women, business
• 5:36
  and personal, I was like, Oh yeah, I'm going to definitely
• 5:38
  have him come and share this with all of the listeners and
• 5:41
  all the consumers. So with that, maybe give us to
• 5:44
  start a little bit of a just short insight for anyone who's
• 5:46
  not familiar with just like your retreats as well, because I feel
• 5:49
  like this was a, a framework you taught at that space, what those
• 5:53
  are like for anyone just since obviously that's where it came
• 5:56
  up. Yeah, yeah, I, I appreciate you
• 5:59
  asking. I'm excited to share this one.
• 6:00
  I don't think I've ever been interviewed about this one,
• 6:02
  which is awesome. And we got a whole podcast to do
• 6:06
  it, so it's great. And yeah, I, my heart's
• 6:08
  fluttering from finishing the retreat and, and having it.
• 6:11
  But I think, you know, the first thing that I would share is that
• 6:15
  all too often entrepreneurs accidentally fall into the
• 6:18
  isolation trap. It's like our default coping
• 6:21
  mechanism where things get hard or we're in a challenging
• 6:23
  season, or even when we're in a good season, we get so committed
• 6:28
  to keeping the blinders on that we forget to come up for air.
• 6:31
  And it makes it feel like we're in all of this alone, right?
• 6:34
  It leads to burnout, leads to overwhelm.
• 6:36
  And I think unless we're very intentional about putting
• 6:40
  ourselves in the spaces with other people that relate to us,
• 6:43
  that understand us, it can become a very, very lonely,
• 6:47
  depressing, and truthfully a lot harder journey.
• 6:51
  And so the reason I do these events is number 1, I feel like
• 6:55
  God gave me the gift of gab and he's like, so just use it and
• 6:59
  stand in front of people. But but I've been running events
• 7:02
  since 2014. Don't say it, honey.
• 7:06
  I don't need to hear it again that I'm old.
• 7:08
  I got it since 2014. And there's always this magic
• 7:13
  that happens, but the magic isn't the event itself.
• 7:15
  It's about like what happens in that room.
• 7:17
  And not only from like facilitator to people, but also
• 7:21
  people to people, right? The amount of validation that
• 7:23
  happens, the amount of great ideas that you never thought of
• 7:26
  before, perspective shifts, lessons learned from side
• 7:29
  conversations. And so I don't think I can ever
• 7:32
  stop doing them because the results of them are absolutely
• 7:35
  astonishing for every single person that comes.
• 7:37
  And it typically ends with saying something like, I have no
• 7:41
  idea why I came, but what I got is completely different than
• 7:45
  what I expected. And I got all of those things
• 7:47
  too. Plus I feel completely
• 7:50
  different. And I think that's the ultimate
• 7:53
  goal, right? So the event we just did, we
• 7:54
  always, we always execute them in the framework the same.
• 7:57
  But what happens in the middle is really dictated by the people
• 8:00
  in the room. And we spend day one focusing on
• 8:02
  the player, which is like the mental gymnastics of
• 8:05
  entrepreneurship, right? Like I say, like a lot, I'm
• 8:09
  really, truly, I'm, I'm pulling Jesus into this.
• 8:11
  Truly, I say to you, truly, I'm going to start talking
• 8:14
  biblically. Truly, the mental gymnastics of
• 8:18
  what it really takes to be resilient in entrepreneurship,
• 8:22
  right? Our habits, our behaviors, our
• 8:25
  beliefs, our values, and the things that we just accept is
• 8:29
  true. And all too often we keep the
• 8:32
  blinders on and we end up running down this road and we're
• 8:34
  convinced like, this is the way I have to do it because it's how
• 8:37
  I started doing. Or this is the way I have to do
• 8:39
  it because somebody said to. Or this is the way I have to do
• 8:42
  it because I borrowed that idea. And now I feel like I can't
• 8:45
  change it. And it creates a lot of like
• 8:48
  mental noise, like a whole lot that starts to affect our habits
• 8:52
  and behaviors and the things that we create in our life.
• 8:54
  And so we spend day one on the player, which is us.
• 8:56
  Like, how do we show up in the business?
• 8:58
  How do we show up for ourselves? How do we show up for our team?
• 9:02
  And most importantly, how do we show up for the people in our
• 9:04
  life that are supporting us and they're not in the business,
• 9:08
  right? And then Day 2, we get into
• 9:09
  Playbook and playbook is like, great, I now know I have my pads
• 9:13
  on. I'm ready to play this game.
• 9:15
  I know how to play the game. I signed up for this game
• 9:17
  because entrepreneurs don't like to hear that.
• 9:18
  But you started this, you built this house.
• 9:21
  You can demolish it and go get a nine to five, or you can keep
• 9:23
  going and then it moves into the playbook.
• 9:26
  The playbook is like how I'm going to take this person and
• 9:28
  how I'm going to execute on the field, right?
• 9:31
  What am I going to do in my customer journey?
• 9:32
  What am I going to do with my messaging?
• 9:34
  Like your incredible 4S framework that blows my mind
• 9:36
  every single time you share it and everybody else in the room,
• 9:38
  by the way, where am I going to spend my time getting to the
• 9:42
  next mile marker in my business, right?
• 9:45
  And the reason I say that is because all too often we want to
• 9:48
  jump from 100 grand to 1,000,000 or 1,000,000 to 10.
• 9:51
  But there's parts and pieces in between, and it's not ever about
• 9:55
  adding more every time. It's about subtracting more and
• 9:59
  doing the things that work and doing them better and doing them
• 10:02
  more efficiently so that we can expand our results.
• 10:04
  And then day three, we move into play and play is like, OK, now
• 10:08
  how do I take that player, take that playbook, and what am I
• 10:11
  going to shift? What am I going to double down
• 10:13
  on? How can I do it?
• 10:14
  How can I do it more efficiently?
• 10:16
  How do I navigate all these ideas that I'm having, which is
• 10:19
  what we're going to talk about today?
• 10:21
  How do I communicate this to my team?
• 10:23
  How do I make sure that over the next 90 day Sprint that I'm
• 10:26
  actually doubling down on the things that are going to give me
• 10:29
  a better result? And I love this.
• 10:30
  And I heard this at the event a few times.
• 10:32
  Jacob said it and he said, I want to look down the road in 90
• 10:35
  days. And I want my future self to
• 10:38
  thank me for staying focused and for doing the things that I know
• 10:42
  would get me here. And so we do that in the event.
• 10:45
  And it's a whole lot of connection, community, fire,
• 10:48
  sighting, speaking into each other.
• 10:50
  And every time without fail, no matter how much I share, the
• 10:54
  breakthroughs always happen on the breaks.
• 10:56
  And it's like, oh, I got to show this and this happened and this
• 10:58
  happened. And I will say I did have one
• 11:00
  moment at this event that broke everybody's brain when I taught
• 11:04
  them all that you could pre schedule text messages.
• 11:06
  For some reason, that was the dessert of this event.
• 11:10
  It's a game changer. It's a game changer.
• 11:13
  Well, I think like even in that breakdown of like the three
• 11:15
  categories, it was interesting because when you taught the
• 11:17
  framework that we're going to go into today, it was originally
• 11:21
  very much designed to be like a playbook thing.
• 11:23
  Because it is in one essence something that people do with
• 11:26
  their teams, something that you do with the vision of the
• 11:28
  business, how you build plans for the business, how you can
• 11:31
  build systems, like how you can just really build and create as
• 11:36
  a strategy. But it was interesting because
• 11:37
  in this, the conversation around it, there's so many valuable
• 11:41
  insights on what this looks like in romantic relationships.
• 11:45
  What does this look like, for example, even within like a
• 11:47
  family dynamic and friendships and of course in business.
• 11:51
  And I, I realize that there's really truthfully endless
• 11:54
  applications of how you can use this model.
• 11:57
  And so I think before we go obviously into the model itself,
• 12:00
  I personally find the actual story around it, which is first,
• 12:04
  like, what is it in the sense of what's, how do you name it or
• 12:06
  how would you classify it? And then two, I remember when
• 12:09
  you explain a story of how this actually was created, I think
• 12:12
  it's so interesting because for me, the principle of the story
• 12:16
  goes to show like truthfully, like the heart of
• 12:19
  entrepreneurship, which is innovation, the idea to do
• 12:22
  things a little bit differently. And you guys know, just similar
• 12:25
  to George, we both love a good framework.
• 12:26
  It's like the marketer in us, but the frameworks amazing.
• 12:30
  But the actual originating of it, I think is also a really
• 12:33
  cool story because it goes to show that sometimes the things
• 12:35
  that are going to be the most applicable in your business and
• 12:39
  potentially have multiple applications of how you can use
• 12:42
  it even in other areas of your life, are going to come from
• 12:46
  what might be to others considered unorthodox or odd
• 12:50
  ways of discovery. But sometimes those discoveries
• 12:53
  can be like so profound and so impactful for you and for the
• 12:55
  business. So tell us.
• 12:57
  Tell us the one O 1 of the framework and the origin story.
• 13:01
  Yeah, so I'm going to start with the story and I think it's
• 13:03
  important for everybody to listen to because I I share the
• 13:06
  story every time and I got to give full credit to Walt Disney.
• 13:08
  OK. So this model is an
• 13:11
  interpretation of of his original model which has been
• 13:15
  applied pretty differently, but but the story is pretty mind
• 13:18
  blowing. And I also think to your point
• 13:21
  you talked about innovation. I also think the last point of
• 13:24
  this is that a lot of the times we think we know what our
• 13:27
  business is going to look like. And so we stay really committed
• 13:31
  to driving that road and we miss opportunity that is sitting
• 13:34
  right in front of us. That would make it way bigger
• 13:36
  than we ever thought. But you have to have the tools
• 13:39
  to be able to navigate it. So here, here's the story.
• 13:42
  So if you're a Disney addict, you know this already.
• 13:45
  I've studied this extensively, I've read it, I've been using
• 13:48
  this model for years. But Walt Disney had built Disney
• 13:52
  in California way before he built it in Florida, right?
• 13:55
  So Disney had existed in California because they were
• 13:58
  motion picture studio. They were doing those things and
• 14:01
  he had this grand vision of building Disney in Florida,
• 14:05
  which is like magical castles and caricatures and machines and
• 14:09
  robots and underground tunnels and pumps sense of popcorn in
• 14:12
  the park to make you hungry and eat food that kills you, right?
• 14:14
  Whatever, whatever that desire was, we won't judge him on his
• 14:17
  desires, but we had this big vision and he needed funding to
• 14:22
  be able to bring this vision to life.
• 14:24
  And Can you imagine? I think it was like the 40s or
• 14:27
  50s, this dude who draws cartoons for a living and his
• 14:30
  bow tie coming up to you and be like, I need $30 million because
• 14:34
  I'm going to build a magical castle with underground tunnels
• 14:37
  on top of a swamp in the middle of land that nobody wants and
• 14:42
  can inhabit. And they're like, you are
• 14:44
  cuckoo. You are cuckoo.
• 14:46
  And So what Walt Disney did is inside of his office, he built
• 14:51
  three different rooms. And he called the rooms one of
• 14:54
  three things. He called the first room the
• 14:55
  Dreamer room. He called the second room the
• 14:58
  builder room. That's my name.
• 14:59
  I don't remember his name. And then he called the third
• 15:02
  room the critic room, which I've renamed into the protector room
• 15:05
  and I will get into that later with Kate.
• 15:07
  And so when you walked into the dreamer room, it was like clouds
• 15:11
  and space, right? Just think anything possibility
• 15:14
  texture wise. And then when you walked into
• 15:16
  the builder room, it was like mechanics and gears and numbers
• 15:19
  like the how like how would this come to life?
• 15:22
  And then when you walked into the critic room, it was very
• 15:24
  dark. It was like, you know, angry
• 15:28
  death, darkness, horror. And the reason he did that is
• 15:32
  because our brains live in one of these three states but can't
• 15:36
  operate in them at the same time.
• 15:38
  And so he knew in order to bring this vision to life, he had to
• 15:42
  be really clear on what the vision was.
• 15:44
  And so he would go into the dreamer office and he would just
• 15:47
  stay in there. Like, what do I want it to look
• 15:49
  like? I want robots that move on their
• 15:51
  own. I want underground tunnels.
• 15:52
  I want XI, want Yi, want a magical castle that is an
• 15:55
  optical illusion that it really isn't as big as it looks in
• 15:58
  person. But if you take a photo this
• 15:59
  way, it looks huge right there. All these pedantic details
• 16:03
  happened in the dreamer office. But the interesting thing was is
• 16:06
  he wasn't allowed to ask about any other other rooms.
• 16:09
  He was only allowed to dream. And then he would leave that
• 16:12
  room and take a break. And any time you wanted to add
• 16:15
  to the dream or work on the dream would only go into that
• 16:18
  room. But then when he went into the
• 16:20
  builder room, the builder room was really, really simple.
• 16:23
  It was how could it be done right?
• 16:25
  Well, we would need this. We would need to invent robots.
• 16:27
  We would need to figure out how to build on top of a swamp.
• 16:30
  We need to drain a swamp. We need to know how to engineer
• 16:33
  tunnel systems. We need to know how caricatures
• 16:35
  can move around the park without being seen.
• 16:38
  And it was like every minute detail of like, how could it be
• 16:42
  done? Now mind you, he didn't have the
• 16:44
  money. This had never been done before.
• 16:46
  So it wasn't how can I do it. It was how could I do it?
• 16:49
  Like, what would it look like? How would I take the texture of
• 16:51
  this dream and bring it to real life?
• 16:55
  And he would stay in that office until he needed a break or was
• 16:58
  done. Then he would leave.
• 17:00
  And if he ever needed to adjust the how, he would go back into
• 17:02
  that office. And then he brings to the third
• 17:04
  office. And the third office was the
• 17:06
  critic. And he would go to this office
• 17:08
  very intentionally. And he would ask himself, like,
• 17:10
  what would go wrong? Like what can't happen?
• 17:13
  Well, no one's invented an animatronic yet.
• 17:16
  There's no way to drain a swamp to build on top of it.
• 17:18
  No one's built a tunnel underneath.
• 17:20
  XI don't have twenty, $30 million.
• 17:22
  I don't know the number, I'm just making that up.
• 17:24
  I'm assuming back in that that's what it would be.
• 17:27
  And he literally spent time actually critiquing his dream.
• 17:32
  And he's like, but why can't I do it?
• 17:34
  What don't I have? I don't have the power, I don't
• 17:36
  have the investors, I don't have the structure that doesn't
• 17:39
  exist, that's never been done. And he listed out absolutely
• 17:42
  everything that couldn't be done or why it couldn't be done.
• 17:47
  And the reason this is, is because if you think about a
• 17:49
  dream, you think about a vision, you think about any idea from as
• 17:52
  small as launching a podcast, changing your Instagram
• 17:55
  strategy, launching a business, launching a book tour, launching
• 18:00
  a coaching offer, running an event.
• 18:01
  It doesn't matter what the size of the idea is.
• 18:04
  In order for that idea to actually have the ingredients
• 18:07
  necessary to come to life, you need to know what the dream of
• 18:11
  that idea is. What is the texture?
• 18:13
  What does it look like? What does it smell like?
• 18:14
  What does it feel like? Then you need to know, how could
• 18:17
  I do it? Like, what are the parts and
• 18:19
  pieces that would bring this to life?
• 18:21
  And then you need to know what could potentially go wrong
• 18:24
  because in theory and an execution.
• 18:26
  Now, when you can look at the list of things that could go
• 18:30
  wrong or things that you don't have, every time you solve one
• 18:34
  of those roadblocks, you've actually laid the first brick of
• 18:37
  the dream and removed the resistance.
• 18:39
  And so without going into the rest of it, I just wanted to
• 18:42
  stop with the story. Is that good for the story?
• 18:45
  It's perfect and it's called. You call it dream storming.
• 18:48
  I call it dream storming. They didn't have a name for it,
• 18:50
  but you can Google this if you if you want to read about it,
• 18:53
  get really geeky about it. I have, but it's it's probably
• 18:56
  one of the most powerful entrepreneur models ever, which
• 18:58
  is where Disney stopped. But I took it one step further
• 19:02
  and realized it's one of the most powerful intrapersonal
• 19:05
  models that has ever been created or existed as well.
• 19:08
  But if you just Google like Walt Disney, Dreamer Builder Critic
• 19:12
  or something along those lines, there's quite a few things that
• 19:14
  pop up about it. Yeah, I've had some clients when
• 19:16
  you shared this with our community who went into like
• 19:19
  ChatGPT ING it and they would start to nerd out on like all
• 19:23
  the different questions you could ask underneath each
• 19:24
  bucket. Like there's there's so much you
• 19:26
  can do to dive into it. I think like high level,
• 19:29
  obviously you have the dreamer, the builder and the protector,
• 19:32
  but obviously you said the protector used to be named the
• 19:34
  critic. Why did you rename that category
• 19:38
  specifically? Yeah, I love this one because
• 19:42
  there's some word about what it means in the English language
• 19:44
  that I can't think of the word. If TJ was here, he would know
• 19:46
  the word, right. But there's there's some meaning
• 19:49
  of the word critic that has a negative connotation to it.
• 19:52
  When we hear critique, we take it personally, right?
• 19:56
  When we hear critique, we get upset, we get offended, our
• 19:58
  guard goes up. I renamed it Protector because
• 20:01
  what it's actually doing is it's actually protecting the dream.
• 20:06
  By showing you what could potentially go wrong.
• 20:09
  And so it's not me being like, well, you can't do that.
• 20:13
  You don't have the money. It's me being like, hey, in
• 20:15
  order for that dream to come to reality, we need to find the
• 20:18
  money or we need to invent this or we need to create this.
• 20:21
  And so it really isn't a critic. It's not in the lens of giving
• 20:25
  feedback or poo pooping on the dream or saying that idea that
• 20:28
  you have is silly. It's actually saying like, I
• 20:30
  want that dream to come to life. I want us to be able to do this.
• 20:34
  But here's what I see as roadblocks that won't let it
• 20:38
  happen or would make it fail. So I'm protecting the vision by
• 20:42
  sharing honestly what I see so we don't run into that
• 20:45
  roadblock. OK.
• 20:47
  And the other thing that you mentioned which I know you
• 20:49
  accentuated at the retreat, which is in the builder bucket
• 20:52
  and you said it's not about can, it's about could.
• 20:55
  And so I know for you that you're like, that's an important
• 20:58
  piece of language, but I'm sure for most people they're like,
• 21:00
  OK, can, could, what's the difference if right.
• 21:04
  So like obviously you in being in coaching and also obviously
• 21:08
  being very deep within understanding of NLP, understand
• 21:11
  the power of words, the power of language.
• 21:14
  And so when you said in builder, you know, it's not about how can
• 21:17
  I do this? It's about how could I do this?
• 21:20
  Why do you think that that language focus is so important
• 21:24
  if someone's going to want to take this model and start to use
• 21:27
  it? Great question, honey.
• 21:29
  And by the way, after I answer this, I'm sure she's going to
• 21:31
  ask me about the rules of the room and we will get into the
• 21:33
  rules of the room and how to use this.
• 21:35
  But this is this is actually really, really important.
• 21:38
  So when it comes to thinking process in our brain, there's
• 21:41
  really only two states of thinking.
• 21:42
  There's convergent thinking and divergent thinking, right?
• 21:45
  Convergent is linear and divergent is possibility.
• 21:49
  So it's a really cheesy example, but if I handed a red brick to
• 21:53
  an adult and I say how can I use this brick, what's their first
• 21:57
  answer? Most likely going to be build.
• 21:59
  A house. Build a house, build a
• 22:01
  fireplace, build a fire pit, put on the outside of my house.
• 22:05
  That's an example of convergent thinking, meaning I'm thinking
• 22:09
  only about the item in its linear use case.
• 22:12
  But if I take that same brick and I hand it to my son who you
• 22:15
  love dearly, and I say, how can I use this brick, what is he
• 22:18
  going to say? As a weapon, as a toy, as.
• 22:24
  I can make an iPad stand out of it.
• 22:26
  Dad, look, I'll make a Fort. Look, I'll use it as a place to
• 22:28
  decorate animals that I could do XYZ, right?
• 22:31
  That's divergent thinking, thinking about all the other
• 22:34
  possibilities outside of the intended use case.
• 22:37
  So convergent is linear, divergent is possibility.
• 22:41
  So when we ask ourselves as a human being in our brain and how
• 22:45
  our brain works with our unconscious and we say, how can
• 22:47
  I do something, what it does is it goes back and only references
• 22:52
  things we've done before. So when we say can, like how can
• 22:57
  I change this habit? It's going to be like, well, you
• 22:59
  can do ABC and list all these other things that you've already
• 23:02
  tried that didn't succeed. When you ask your brain, how
• 23:06
  could I do it? It requires divergent thinking
• 23:10
  because could is possibility. So it makes us think about
• 23:13
  things we haven't thought about before.
• 23:15
  Actually, how most of us have succeeded in business wasn't
• 23:19
  because we had done it before. We had an idea, we were willing
• 23:24
  to try that idea, and that idea became a cornerstone of our
• 23:27
  business. How we coach, how we sell, how
• 23:29
  we run, training, whatever, right?
• 23:32
  So when we ask ourselves how could, it unlocks a different
• 23:36
  part of our brain and it takes the constraint away and allows
• 23:40
  us to think creatively. Like even even for me, I did
• 23:43
  this model on my book launch in 2014 and it's the reason I
• 23:48
  became a 22 week New York Times bestseller because my publisher
• 23:51
  said you can't become a New York Times bestseller.
• 23:55
  Partially believed him and partially had an ego.
• 23:58
  And it was partially triggered and unhealed.
• 23:59
  And I was like, watch me, bro. But I had seen how everybody
• 24:03
  else was selling their books, right?
• 24:04
  They were going on media tours, right?
• 24:07
  They were doing the book tour. They were like, let me go on the
• 24:09
  big television show. And I was like, this doesn't
• 24:11
  make sense to me. I go to a city for a day, I can
• 24:15
  sign books for 200 people, and then I go on a news station
• 24:18
  where somebody might or might not buy my book.
• 24:20
  And I was like, I don't think that's going to work.
• 24:23
  And so I was like, I want to go on a podcast tour.
• 24:26
  And this was in 20/14/2015. And so instead of taking all
• 24:30
  that time, I was like, I could go on all these podcasts but ask
• 24:34
  them not to publish it. And I could ask them to only
• 24:38
  publish it on a specific date. And if they agree to this, that
• 24:42
  means that four weeks before my book comes out, I can drop a
• 24:45
  couple big podcasts. But then I can have the other
• 24:48
  ones keep dripping the podcast out over the next six months so
• 24:52
  that the book doesn't die. And I can record 8 podcasts in a
• 24:55
  day where I can only go to one or two cities a day.
• 24:59
  They have 1000 people that listen a day, 20,000 people,
• 25:03
  50,000. This is me manually marketing.
• 25:05
  So I did that. And when I did that, not only to
• 25:08
  become a New York Times bestseller, it hit 16 and 14 and
• 25:12
  12 and 10 and 864-4444, and nobody had planned it.
• 25:17
  They've done podcast, but they were like, I never thought about
• 25:20
  asking them to only release it on specific dates.
• 25:23
  Well, I knew The New York Times was calculated Tuesday to
• 25:26
  Tuesday, and so I would very strategically drop episodes, two
• 25:30
  big shows and one small show a week.
• 25:32
  And I had them all agree. And I'm like, I will do whatever
• 25:34
  you want. I will owe you for the rest of
• 25:36
  my life. I will cook dinner.
• 25:37
  I will come to your home. I will clean.
• 25:38
  Like, please don't drop it till this date.
• 25:41
  And I did. But that question wasn't because
• 25:42
  of like, how can I do this? Because if it was, I would have
• 25:45
  been on tour for six months. Maybe it worked.
• 25:48
  And I thought about it differently.
• 25:49
  So when we ask ourselves how could we do something, it allows
• 25:53
  what's called a pattern interrupt to the brain.
• 25:56
  And it's just a state change where we're like, oh, actually
• 25:59
  there are possibilities here, right.
• 26:01
  But as adults, we're not taught to do this this often.
• 26:04
  And it's crazy because I saw a study about this as well.
• 26:06
  There's a Harvard professor who helps people with their
• 26:09
  doctorates, and she has these creative tasks that she was
• 26:12
  giving her students for her thesis, and they were all
• 26:14
  getting stuck. And so she actually went to a
• 26:16
  school and she asked the teacher if she could bring
• 26:19
  kindergarteners to class and give a kindergartner to each one
• 26:23
  of the students. And by them being there, the
• 26:26
  difference between adults and children is children live in
• 26:28
  divergent thinking, adults live in convergent thinking.
• 26:32
  She brought these kids in and paired them each with a student.
• 26:35
  And each one of those people solved the challenges they were
• 26:38
  looking at because they were looking at it from a different
• 26:41
  lens. So that's the difference between
• 26:42
  how can and how could. And I think that it is even a
• 26:46
  testament to how you saw this framework because obviously from
• 26:51
  the Disney origin story, you're like, OK, this is how he
• 26:54
  integrated it, how he created it, what its intention was for
• 26:58
  him and for his business. And then you sat with this and
• 27:01
  was like, OK, how could this be applied to other things?
• 27:04
  How could I maneuver this? And I think it's also a lesson
• 27:07
  just in general to your point of like, how can I fix the sales
• 27:11
  problem? How can I fix this marketing
• 27:13
  thing that I want to do? How can I create an offer?
• 27:16
  I think that to your point of view, reference past experience
• 27:19
  or I might even say like for myself, you know, how my brain
• 27:22
  works is like, what past evidence do I have that
• 27:24
  something worked? And I typically will struggle to
• 27:28
  come up with a new invention or a new kind of pathway or a
• 27:32
  process because I don't have anything to anchor into to give
• 27:35
  me the confidence. And I'm very much just kind of
• 27:38
  like lead the horse. I'm very much a builder, which
• 27:40
  is the second bucket. So because of that, I'm somebody
• 27:43
  who feels like I need to have evidence for the steps.
• 27:46
  I need to feel like I have a plan of how it's all going to
• 27:48
  work. And because of that, I have to
• 27:51
  really intentionally flex this muscle of innovation and up to
• 27:54
  your point, divergent thinking, because often times, especially
• 27:58
  being someone who's very data-driven, the basis of data
• 28:02
  typically at the nature of it is to reference past information.
• 28:06
  And the only reason you have that data is because something
• 28:08
  in the past occurred. So to know that I'm data-driven
• 28:12
  and I already have that as like a primary way that I've done
• 28:14
  business, it's been an intentional thing that I've had
• 28:17
  to try to be like, OK, data is based off past information
• 28:21
  though. So if we're trying to innovate
• 28:23
  in business, you're trying to come up with a new idea or new
• 28:25
  solution or something new and exciting.
• 28:28
  Yes, there's information that we can uncover in the past that can
• 28:32
  give us insights to the future. But there's also part of it
• 28:35
  which is just going into it having no past steps, no past
• 28:39
  evidence to anchor into and being like, OK, great.
• 28:41
  We're going to truly innovate because to your point of, you
• 28:45
  know, the red brick, you are looking at all the ways you've
• 28:48
  seen it used. And it's like, if we couldn't
• 28:50
  reference those ways, give me other ways.
• 28:53
  You've never seen a brick used. I think for most people, if they
• 28:56
  don't practice or maybe flex the muscle of this bucket, it might
• 29:00
  be difficult for them to do so. You obviously, I know noted to
• 29:04
  the fact that there's rules. And I think that these rules are
• 29:07
  important because I've seen people who've learned this model
• 29:10
  from you, who've tried to take this and integrate it with their
• 29:12
  team, and they like the concept of it, but they don't like the
• 29:17
  rules of it, which basically, as I see it, is what George just
• 29:21
  explained of the three buckets. Like this is a really cool
• 29:23
  principle. Different ways to think,
• 29:25
  different ways to look at a goal, different ways to build a
• 29:28
  plan. Again, relationships, team.
• 29:31
  Once the rules come in, I can tell you most people start to be
• 29:35
  like, I don't like that because it puts some bumper lanes.
• 29:38
  It puts some constraint on how you need to show up and how you
• 29:43
  need to present in each of the buckets to have this truly be
• 29:47
  impactful. And so when we think about these
• 29:50
  three core buckets, right? So we've got the dreamer, the
• 29:52
  builder, the protector, the first bucket of dreamer.
• 29:56
  If someone's wanting to learn, OK, well, how do I be a dreamer?
• 30:00
  How do I embody that dreamer mindset or dreamer approach?
• 30:03
  What are the quote UN quote rules around dreamer?
• 30:06
  Yeah. So first, the first rule is that
• 30:09
  human beings thrive in constraint.
• 30:12
  We actually thrive it, right? We appreciate the container.
• 30:17
  OK, so Parkinson's law is the, I don't know the term, it's not
• 30:21
  fallacy, it's something else, right?
• 30:23
  It's the law that states that we'll fill whatever container we
• 30:26
  create, right. So if I'm, I'm giving you an
• 30:28
  example of this, if you're listening to this, if you've
• 30:30
  ever realized, like you tell somebody you'll have an hour
• 30:33
  meeting with them, you'll accomplish the same in that hour
• 30:36
  as you would if you told them you had a 20 minute meeting with
• 30:38
  them and gave yourself the same bumpers, right?
• 30:41
  And it was like, oh crap, I feel called out, right?
• 30:43
  That's the law itself that we will fill whatever container we
• 30:46
  create. If if you're a lady listening to
• 30:48
  this or man Mitch, love you, the one dude besides me who listens
• 30:52
  to your podcast, not truly, but if you've ever anybody has ever
• 30:57
  moved, right and you live in like a 1000 square foot house
• 31:00
  and you're like, God, the house is so full and you move into
• 31:02
  like a 2000 square foot house, you're like, I'm going to have
• 31:04
  so much space. And then a year later you're
• 31:06
  like, how do I have so much stuff?
• 31:09
  Well, because the container got bigger.
• 31:11
  Our natural inclination is to fill that container.
• 31:14
  So if we don't control those containers, we will just be
• 31:17
  inefficient and completely fill it, right.
• 31:19
  So the first thing and the first will of the whole model is that
• 31:23
  you can only operate in each one of these lanes one at a time,
• 31:28
  independently, and you need a break between them.
• 31:31
  I'll talk about that in a minute.
• 31:32
  The second thing is you need to have a time constraint each time
• 31:37
  you're in the bucket. Might be 10 minutes, might be 20
• 31:40
  minutes, might be two hours, but you have to keep yourself to
• 31:44
  that time constraint. So if it's an hour, then that
• 31:47
  means when the hour's up, even if you're not done with the
• 31:49
  dream, you're stepping away from the dream to respect and honor
• 31:52
  that time constraint. That's the most important rule
• 31:55
  out of both of these is the actual constraint of time.
• 31:58
  Because if I say hey, there's this idea or this dream that you
• 32:02
  have, you have as long as you want.
• 32:04
  Guess what never gets done the dream, ever.
• 32:08
  It just keeps getting moved and we move the starting line and
• 32:11
  all of a sudden it never gets brought to fruition.
• 32:13
  OK, so those are the 2 rules that oversee all of this, which
• 32:17
  is you can't allow yourself to commingle the buckets and you
• 32:22
  have to put a time constraint on every single bucket.
• 32:26
  Those are the two overarching rules.
• 32:28
  The third rule would be when possible, you do each bucket in
• 32:33
  a different space or state. Which means even when I'm
• 32:36
  running this on Zoom calls with Teams, we actually end the
• 32:40
  dreamer state and like, hey, go take a 10 minute break, go for a
• 32:42
  walk. I end the Zoom room and I'm
• 32:45
  like, we're meeting in somebody else's Zoom room.
• 32:48
  If I'm in an office and we meet in a corner and I'm like, great,
• 32:51
  hey, we're going to go use the other conference room to do the
• 32:53
  builder state. The reason we do that is because
• 32:56
  it actually helps support our brain and changing its thinking
• 32:59
  pattern when we state change. So those are kind of the rules
• 33:02
  that exist. Now.
• 33:03
  How do you use these? Well, in this instance of taking
• 33:07
  an idea to life, it doesn't matter how small idea, how big
• 33:11
  of an idea, the time constraint you create is correlated to the
• 33:16
  size of the idea. Would I love it if I could plan
• 33:19
  a book launch in 10 minutes? Yes.
• 33:21
  Could I? Now, for sure, if you asked me
• 33:23
  to plan something I've never done before, it's going to take
• 33:26
  me more time. So I need to choose a time
• 33:29
  constraint based on the size of the thing that I'm trying to
• 33:33
  accomplish. And that doesn't mean when I go
• 33:36
  through it once I'm done, I can go through it multiple times,
• 33:39
  but I still have to respect the rules.
• 33:41
  And so let's say you have an idea and you want to use this
• 33:44
  model to bring that idea to life.
• 33:46
  You're like, amazing. I'm going to set some time aside
• 33:48
  to do this on my own. I'm going to give myself 30
• 33:51
  minutes to dream. You actually set a timer.
• 33:53
  And the rules of each bucket are really, really simple.
• 33:57
  When you are in the dreamer bucket, the only thing you're
• 34:00
  answering is what does the dream look like?
• 34:03
  The word is texture for me, right?
• 34:04
  What does it look like? What does it feel like?
• 34:06
  How am I doing it? How am I executing it?
• 34:09
  What's possible? But the rules are you can't ask
• 34:13
  how and you can't poke holes in it.
• 34:16
  You are only allowed to dream. So you can't be like oh I got
• 34:19
  the dream but this could go wrong.
• 34:21
  Nope, wrong room. You're like, oh but we could
• 34:24
  Nope, wrong room. What is the dream?
• 34:28
  A really interesting way to think about it is what are the
• 34:30
  ingredients I have or need to be able to cook this recipe?
• 34:36
  I don't care about the pots in the kitchen.
• 34:37
  I don't care what kitchen you're using.
• 34:39
  All I care about is the ingredients.
• 34:41
  So when you're in the Dreamer bucket for that 30 minutes,
• 34:43
  you're just documenting what the dream looks like.
• 34:46
  I could go on podcasts. I want to sell the book.
• 34:48
  I could give this away. I could do XI, could do Y.
• 34:50
  And you just allow yourself to dream.
• 34:53
  When the timer goes off, you walk away.
• 34:57
  You document whatever you had. You take a break.
• 35:00
  You don't have to go into builder 10 minutes later.
• 35:02
  You can go in two days later for all I care.
• 35:04
  You still have the dream documented.
• 35:06
  But no matter what you do, you have to state change.
• 35:09
  If you're sitting at your laptop, you have to get up, go
• 35:11
  for a walk, change your room, change your environment, and
• 35:14
  then you come back into the builder bucket.
• 35:16
  Now the rules of builder is you can't ask can.
• 35:19
  You can only ask could. So the question is, how could
• 35:22
  this be done? And when you were in the builder
• 35:25
  bucket, these rules are going to start to make sense.
• 35:28
  You can't add or take away from the dream and you can't poke
• 35:31
  holes in it. You just stay in the builder
• 35:34
  bucket based on the texture of the dream that you've pulled.
• 35:37
  Timer goes off, you do the same thing, then you move into the
• 35:41
  protector bucket. When you're in the protector
• 35:43
  bucket, you're asking yourself, what limitations do I have?
• 35:46
  What could go wrong? What is missing?
• 35:48
  What's going to get in the way of this dream coming to life?
• 35:51
  And the rules are really, really simple.
• 35:53
  You can't add or take away from the dream and you can't ask how
• 35:56
  you could do it. And when you step away from this
• 36:00
  process, whether you do this alone or you do this with a
• 36:02
  team, what you end up with is a full recipe.
• 36:06
  You have the ingredients, you have a potential process, and
• 36:09
  you're like, we don't own a stand mixer.
• 36:12
  Well, I'm not baking all those croissants by hand.
• 36:15
  I need a stand mixer, right? And where I tell people to go
• 36:18
  with this with every idea is that your action list is
• 36:22
  actually the protector list. Because if you look at that
• 36:26
  protector list, you have self diagnosed what limitations exist
• 36:31
  for this dream to become a reality?
• 36:33
  And you solve them easiest to hardest because every time you
• 36:36
  do, it starts to bring the vision to life.
• 36:38
  And so when you're doing this with teams, I just facilitated
• 36:41
  one of these in Maine about a month ago.
• 36:43
  I had to have a timer and I had to be a frickin drill instructor
• 36:47
  because nobody understands how time creep works.
• 36:49
  So I'm like, hey guys, we're going to do this just on
• 36:51
  curriculum and delivery. How long do you think you need
• 36:54
  to fully expand the dream? And they're like 30 minutes.
• 36:58
  I was giving them 5 minute hacks.
• 37:00
  They got more done in the last five minutes of that 30 minutes
• 37:03
  than they had the previous 25 because they were like talking
• 37:06
  and brainstorming and boom. But when I was done, I was like,
• 37:09
  great, you have 30 seconds to write down the rest of your
• 37:11
  dream. close that page in your notebook.
• 37:14
  I'm like, let it go, just let it go.
• 37:16
  And this is what you talked about with the discipline to the
• 37:18
  rules. You're basically setting
• 37:21
  yourself up to win by maintaining the discipline to
• 37:24
  follow these because your brain knows and it's fine and it's
• 37:27
  your dream. You can always come back to it.
• 37:30
  But you also have to get to a point where you understand that
• 37:33
  if a recipe doesn't go in the oven, you're hungry, whether it
• 37:36
  tastes good or not, because it has to be cooked in order for
• 37:40
  this thing to go. So when you get through this,
• 37:42
  you get through this and you start making progress and
• 37:45
  iterations and you can always come back to it.
• 37:47
  And so those are the rules on how to use this.
• 37:49
  When you do it alone, it's just as important to state change as
• 37:54
  if you're doing it with a team. If you're doing it on Zoom, you
• 37:57
  can do that. You take breaks, you go for a
• 37:59
  walk, and everybody rebriefs the rules.
• 38:01
  So even when I'm with a team, like, hey guys, we're in this
• 38:03
  bucket, you can only ask about the dream.
• 38:06
  There's no could, There's no builder, there's no protector.
• 38:09
  And then everybody's favorite bucket is the protector.
• 38:12
  That one's the one that nobody has a problem with.
• 38:13
  Everyone loves poking holes and things, which I love.
• 38:16
  But to your point, it's the other two.
• 38:18
  And it's a muscle. And it gets to a point when you
• 38:20
  use this enough, what you'll start to recognize is like, even
• 38:22
  if you're a coach and your client's like, oh, George, I
• 38:25
  can't figure out how to do this, I'm like, oh, man, what are you
• 38:28
  trying to do? And I start asking them about
• 38:31
  the dream and I like, let them tell me what the dream is.
• 38:33
  I'm like, OK, like, do you feel like that encompasses everything
• 38:37
  that you want to do? And they're like, yeah, I'm
• 38:38
  like, do me a favor real quick. They're like, yeah, I'm like,
• 38:40
  say your phone number out loud backwards.
• 38:42
  Like what? And I'm like, yeah, say your
• 38:44
  phone number out loud backwards. And they like sit there and
• 38:46
  stumble. I'm like, do you remember what
• 38:47
  you were thinking about? They're like, no, I'm like, cool
• 38:49
  question on this dream. What I heard you say was AB and
• 38:52
  C Yeah. Now one question, like, if we
• 38:55
  couldn't do it any way, we've done it before, like, what are
• 38:58
  some ideas that you have or how could we do it?
• 39:00
  And I'm over here writing notes. I'm like their builder phase.
• 39:02
  And I do the same thing. And I was like, and actually, I
• 39:05
  know you're on Zoom. Do you smell popcorn right now?
• 39:07
  And they're like, no, why would I smell popcorn?
• 39:10
  I'm like, oh, I just know. I just needed to shift your
• 39:12
  brain. Like what?
• 39:13
  I'm like, cool. Now question, if we were to take
• 39:16
  this idea and we were to go do these things, like what do you
• 39:19
  think would go wrong? Like do you have the capacity?
• 39:21
  Do you have the team? Do you have what I'm like, what
• 39:23
  do you think could go wrong? And typically they're really
• 39:25
  good at listing those protectors.
• 39:27
  But then what I end up with is a full dream storming of their
• 39:30
  current question, and then we work through it and it becomes
• 39:33
  applicable instantly. And so those are the rules of
• 39:36
  dream storming in the idea bucket.
• 39:38
  So good. And I was going to note some
• 39:41
  things that came up from me as you were sharing that.
• 39:43
  I think #1 so many of us feel like we in business have goals
• 39:48
  or like a vision, but we don't necessarily to your point of
• 39:50
  like giving it texture. I think it's such a good word
• 39:53
  because if you think about even like a goal of like, I want 100K
• 39:56
  month, most of us don't think about what would the 100K month
• 40:00
  feel like? What would it look like?
• 40:02
  What like in the sense of how would you experience it?
• 40:04
  What would be an indicator that you've hit 100K month?
• 40:06
  Like give me details and to your point texture of what that goal
• 40:11
  is. Or even if someone's like the
• 40:13
  goal is to say personally, if they want to use this in a
• 40:15
  personal bucket, it's like, I just really want to be more
• 40:17
  aligned with how I'm living my life.
• 40:20
  Well, if we ask you the question of.
• 40:22
  What does alignment look like, feel like and how would you be
• 40:25
  experiencing it? I think some of us, because we
• 40:27
  were talking about this even in the marketing bucket, most of us
• 40:30
  struggle to explain that because we talk about our vision or we
• 40:33
  talk about our goals of what we want for our life, our business
• 40:35
  in this like one blanket thing like I want more savings, I want
• 40:40
  to have more revenue or I want to grow to this month or I want
• 40:43
  to lose 10 lbs or whatever it is.
• 40:46
  And it's just like blanket statement that we associate with
• 40:49
  achievement. But I don't think many of us
• 40:52
  ask, if you couldn't say the thing itself, what are other
• 40:55
  indicators to your point of texture that tell you that you
• 40:59
  have achieved that goal, even if you couldn't describe it in the
• 41:02
  one way that you always do? And I think even that part for
• 41:05
  most people in this process is exciting because we even use
• 41:10
  which we'll get to this framework this past week at the
• 41:12
  retreat in a personal bucket. And like I very much full
• 41:16
  transparency. And I feel like anybody
• 41:18
  listening to this will get this if you listen to the podcast.
• 41:21
  So like I'm very much a builder protector.
• 41:23
  I would say that I struggle a lot to be in the dream because I
• 41:27
  am always like, how are we going to do it?
• 41:28
  What's not going to work? And let's overcome that so we
• 41:31
  can make a plan on how to do those things.
• 41:33
  And it's always just about plan and structure and strategy
• 41:36
  because that's my brains dominant.
• 41:38
  I would say like go to or dominant thought process, but
• 41:42
  the dream one for me has been really interesting because I
• 41:44
  realized that I even really work in those buckets and that
• 41:48
  constrained thinking of what the dream looks like, which is, you
• 41:51
  know, to your point of the brick, my brain goes to, OK, the
• 41:56
  goal would be, let's just say for a client, it's 100K month.
• 41:59
  Amazing. How are we going to head 100K
• 42:01
  month? Even for me, I found that
• 42:04
  without this model, my natural tendency was to have the dream
• 42:09
  be very simple and it's like, OK, we know the goal or the
• 42:12
  target and we're just going to go toward that.
• 42:14
  And as long as we have that, it's enough.
• 42:17
  I think it creates such such a deeper level of excitement and
• 42:20
  energy and momentum. And also truthfully for teams
• 42:25
  especially and business owners, clarity of like, what are we
• 42:29
  actually going for? So many of us throw out these
• 42:31
  one liners of achievement or goals or like, I'd love to do
• 42:35
  blank, but haven't actually thought about what that would
• 42:39
  look like or feel like or how you would experience it.
• 42:42
  And so I think what I've learned in the Dreamer bucket
• 42:44
  specifically is that giving it texture is such an incredible
• 42:50
  energy around your vision and around your goals that most of
• 42:54
  us, I would say on a natural Monday to Friday are probably
• 42:58
  not doing. And so I think like for the
• 42:59
  first bucket, giving as much detail as possible, even if you
• 43:03
  think it's overdone, I think can be good because again, not only
• 43:07
  for yourself, but also if you have team or if you're doing it
• 43:09
  with a client, the builder is how my brain works always.
• 43:14
  So that part to me is like a natural operating system, but I
• 43:17
  think that the builder for me, to your point of you don't want
• 43:20
  them to overlap, that's been a big learning curve because I
• 43:23
  realized that I was almost doing the builder, but then
• 43:27
  simultaneously while I was doing it was like, no, that plan won't
• 43:30
  work. No, that plan won't work.
• 43:31
  Like I was poking holes in it to your point, while I was
• 43:34
  outlining the steps. So even for me and for you as
• 43:38
  business coaches, someone says, hey, here's my goal.
• 43:40
  We're like amazing. Let's get clarity of that.
• 43:42
  Step 2. Let's go to making a plan of how
• 43:44
  we're going to help you to do that.
• 43:47
  Typically I would find myself like, even before learning this
• 43:49
  framework, I'd find myself in an intensive with someone and
• 43:51
  they'd be like, OK, great, let's map with the plan.
• 43:53
  And they'd be like, oh, but I don't have X.
• 43:54
  I'm like, OK, yeah, that's not going to work.
• 43:56
  And we would start to go back and forth, back and forth
• 43:59
  between builder and protector instead of saying, hey, let's
• 44:02
  brainstorm. And then we can always go in and
• 44:05
  poke holes after that. And so in the builder side, I
• 44:08
  think it's been really interesting to reflect on how
• 44:12
  many of us when making a plan will even keep ourselves from
• 44:16
  noting down a plan or noting down a step or noting down, you
• 44:20
  know, some strategy to do something 'cause as soon as we
• 44:22
  come up with the idea to note it, we instantly poke holes in
• 44:25
  it And being like, no, that's not gonna work.
• 44:27
  Third bucket, which I know we'll get into for teams.
• 44:30
  And also personally, I personally think that the
• 44:34
  protector at times, and I know that you'll probably have lots
• 44:38
  to share on this for people's teams, there can be people in
• 44:42
  just your life or business that are naturally critical.
• 44:45
  So like the critic, while it's a negative connotation, the thing
• 44:49
  that I know you reframed beautifully for me was the
• 44:53
  people who are critical are in the protector bucket because the
• 44:57
  reason they're critical is they're trying to protect the
• 45:00
  plan or they're trying to protect the dream.
• 45:03
  And so I think that change of perspective for me was huge
• 45:07
  because I think I used to get so frustrated when I would have
• 45:10
  like this really exciting thing I wanted to do.
• 45:12
  And sometimes I even had a plan of exactly how I would do it.
• 45:15
  And like, I know someone at the retreat would say the same
• 45:18
  thing, but like someone just can't kept coming in and
• 45:19
  shitting on my dreams. Like that's how I felt.
• 45:22
  Like every time I felt so energized, someone would just
• 45:24
  come in and just tear it to shreds.
• 45:27
  But when you reframed, you're like, Kate, people are not
• 45:29
  poking holes at your dream and they're not poking holes at your
• 45:32
  plan because they're trying to be critical or they're trying to
• 45:34
  be negative or they're trying to be, you know, yeah, harsh with
• 45:39
  you. It's because typically that
• 45:41
  person on some level is looking to seek to protect energy,
• 45:46
  money, effort, like you emotionally, like there's so
• 45:50
  many layers as to why they're being critical or protective.
• 45:53
  But at the end of the day, it's rooted in protection.
• 45:55
  So while it feels like the delivery for some people,
• 45:58
  there's probably work they could do, there's an aspect of it
• 46:01
  which is the reason they're doing that is truly from a
• 46:03
  loving place. So I think like for me, this has
• 46:07
  been a really impactful model even from when I first learned
• 46:09
  it from you. And I feel like over time it's
• 46:11
  integrating in every bucket. If someone wants to, now that
• 46:15
  they know the kind of three buckets, the rules of this,
• 46:18
  you've obviously worked and facilitated with lots of teams,
• 46:21
  lots of different, you know, individuals using this, teams,
• 46:24
  using this in the business bucket.
• 46:26
  What would be like an example of what this could look like for
• 46:29
  someone if they wanted to kind of see how this might show up
• 46:31
  for them or maybe even potentially with a team?
• 46:34
  Yeah. So I'll answer that.
• 46:36
  And the one thing I wanted to say about protector and feedback
• 46:40
  is it's just that it's just feedback.
• 46:43
  It doesn't mean that you have to believe it or not take action on
• 46:46
  it, but it's nice for somebody to help us see blind spots, even
• 46:50
  if the delivery might not be the greatest, right?
• 46:52
  Like if I'm about to run into a wall, please tell me I'm going
• 46:54
  to run into a wall, right? If I hear you and I keep
• 46:58
  running, great, that's on me. But I can't say like you didn't
• 47:01
  tell me, right? So it's important And I also
• 47:03
  think what's important to make a note about that as we
• 47:06
  transition, I'm sure after this question into how this applies
• 47:08
  personally is what you also have to be aware of is somebody's
• 47:12
  come from in these buckets, right?
• 47:16
  Because there are plenty of people that because of their own
• 47:19
  life or their own situations, have an agenda that's
• 47:22
  self-serving that isn't necessarily about ours or what
• 47:25
  we want to do, right? Like, you know, if you're an
• 47:27
  entrepreneur, you know this when you go to a dinner with kids
• 47:30
  that you went to college with and you haven't talked to them
• 47:32
  forever, they're like, how are you doing that?
• 47:33
  That doesn't make sense XYZ, right?
• 47:35
  But they're not in the entrepreneurial bucket.
• 47:37
  So you also have to be filtered on what feedback you weigh the
• 47:41
  most, right? And making sure that you allow
• 47:43
  that protector bucket in and those ideas, but also knowing
• 47:47
  that they're not all on the same level.
• 47:49
  And I think that's important, right?
• 47:51
  So when it comes to answering how to utilize this in a company
• 47:54
  or with a team, it's actually really, really simple.
• 47:57
  The first thing is you have to brief this like you have to
• 48:00
  explain what it is and why it's happening, right?
• 48:02
  Because it what happens with teams a lot and I see these
• 48:06
  mistakes happening all the time is when I go into meetings,
• 48:08
  people be talking over each other because they feel like
• 48:10
  they're not going to be heard, right.
• 48:12
  So you have people that are Dreamer, they're like, oh, every
• 48:15
  time you poo poo all my ideas and then I get frustrated and I
• 48:17
  don't want to talk. And then the builders are like,
• 48:19
  yeah, but we don't have the budget for this.
• 48:20
  Like we're doing XYZ, where's this going to fit into the
• 48:22
  books? And the protector was like, why
• 48:24
  are we even having this meeting? We haven't done the other three
• 48:26
  things yet, right? It's this, it's this constant
• 48:32
  really chaotic dance that isn't protecting progress.
• 48:35
  And so understanding this is that even even facilitating this
• 48:38
  or utilizing this in your team doesn't actually mean that
• 48:41
  everything that you do is going to be taken action on
• 48:43
  immediately because one of the protectors is like, we don't
• 48:45
  have the space in the schedule till Q4.
• 48:48
  Amazing. Well, let's get clarity now
• 48:49
  because now we're ahead for Q4. So briefing it is huge and
• 48:52
  getting buy in, as my client, Dave calls it, buy in from the
• 48:55
  team. Everyone's going to be heard and
• 48:57
  we're all going to make sure we have equal parts so that we can
• 49:00
  get clarity on what this looks like.
• 49:02
  And then once it's briefed, it's really just facilitated simply
• 49:05
  where there's some ground rules like this is, hey, we all agree,
• 49:08
  right? Like if I go off track, just
• 49:10
  yell dreamer at me, screaming at me, I don't care.
• 49:12
  Throw a stuffy at me for all I care, like get my attention and
• 49:15
  get me back in the dream. And it's everybody as a team
• 49:18
  holding this together to be able to do this creative
• 49:20
  brainstorming. But it really, really is simple.
• 49:23
  It really, really is simple to execute.
• 49:24
  And what you'll realize after a while is that when you do this,
• 49:28
  even when you bring it to your awareness, you'll start to think
• 49:31
  like this differently. So will team members, right?
• 49:33
  They'll be like, hey, I got an idea.
• 49:35
  But before you even get there, I have the builder part and I have
• 49:38
  the dreamer part, but I need your help to poke holes in it,
• 49:41
  right? And it starts to change the way
• 49:42
  that you communicate and the way that you execute ideas, because
• 49:45
  I say this all the time, like every idea is a good idea if
• 49:49
  there's a plan to integrate it and execute it.
• 49:52
  And without these ingredients, it's just word salad or idea
• 49:55
  salad spinning around in your brain.
• 49:57
  And like nobody ever eats, right?
• 49:58
  And so it also gives us the opportunity to realize where we
• 50:02
  waste time in meetings or we're going back and forth.
• 50:05
  Or to your point, if we were able to measure the amount of
• 50:08
  hours as entrepreneurs where we have an idea that we papoo on it
• 50:11
  immediately, have an idea Papoo on it immediately, and then
• 50:14
  three hours later, we're still staring at a blank sheet of
• 50:17
  paper. We could have had 17 recipes in
• 50:20
  the oven if we just picked 1. And we're like, well, let's
• 50:22
  actually go through this and pressure test this, right?
• 50:24
  And so it applies to micro bytes and macro bytes.
• 50:28
  But the most important is to follow the recipe.
• 50:31
  And so really, as long as somebody is aware of the model
• 50:34
  and you just teach it to them, you're like, hey, it's going to
• 50:36
  take me 5 minutes to teach this to you.
• 50:38
  I want to do this exercise. Then you start Co facilitating
• 50:41
  it and you have the bumpers and the ground rules and you could
• 50:43
  do it anywhere. I've done this exercise with
• 50:46
  teams of 50 and it's magical. The hardest thing is having a
• 50:50
  scribe to write it all down because it's going bonkers,
• 50:53
  right? You've got everybody
• 50:54
  contributing. And then people, once you pick
• 50:56
  up the vibe of it and to your point, like sometimes it's a
• 50:59
  struggle to dream, but when you're surrounded by people
• 51:02
  dreaming, all of a sudden your brain starts going bonkers,
• 51:05
  right? So, you know, it's, I feel
• 51:07
  called to share this, but I remember teaching this at one of
• 51:10
  the events and I didn't use the red brick model.
• 51:12
  I used a completely different 1. And I was like, all right,
• 51:14
  everybody, we're standing here in Montana.
• 51:17
  I'm going to ask you one specific question.
• 51:18
  And I just want you to tell me the dream.
• 51:20
  And I was like, I want to be on the moon tomorrow.
• 51:23
  How could I do it, right? Like, tell me how to get to the
• 51:27
  moon. And I start.
• 51:28
  Everyone's staring at me like I'm bonkers, right?
• 51:31
  Like, they're like, what are you talking about?
• 51:33
  Like, no, just like, dream of me.
• 51:34
  How could I do it? And then someone gets brave and
• 51:37
  they're like, well, you could call Elon and get in a
• 51:41
  spaceship. I'm like, awesome, cool, what
• 51:42
  else, right? And then someone's like, well,
• 51:44
  that Blue Origin thing. And I was like, OK, cool.
• 51:47
  Like still very convergent thinking.
• 51:49
  And then someone's like, you could fly.
• 51:52
  And I'm like, boom, I could fly, right?
• 51:54
  And then it started coming out like crazy.
• 51:56
  You could teleport, you could do X, you can do Y.
• 52:00
  But there's these things that we love about kids that we make
• 52:03
  wrong about ourselves as adults. And it's not that the dream is
• 52:06
  crazy. It's that when we think it out
• 52:08
  loud and speak it out loud, our brain starts to process other
• 52:12
  possibilities. Now obviously I can't fly yet.
• 52:16
  Protector, we don't know how to fly.
• 52:18
  Yeah. But just thinking through that
• 52:20
  starts to unlock these other areas.
• 52:22
  And so as you're surrounded by it and you use it more, it
• 52:25
  starts to work that muscle of your brain.
• 52:27
  And I'm like, no, no, let's be silly.
• 52:29
  Now we think about this in the lens of business, some of the
• 52:32
  most memorable marketing campaigns that we look at for
• 52:36
  companies you can see. And you'd be like, if that was
• 52:39
  briefed in my room, we would have fired them.
• 52:42
  Totally think about Old Spice. Imagine someone sitting in the
• 52:46
  room at Old Spice being like, here's my thoughts, half man,
• 52:49
  half horse. And they're like, we've never
• 52:52
  seen half man half horse in anyone's marketing.
• 52:55
  There's no way that will work. People won't get it.
• 52:57
  It will need like you could. I could 100% see the explanation
• 53:02
  or GEICO using a lizard as their or a little whatever.
• 53:06
  He is. Or the Cake Man or or Squatty
• 53:09
  Potty, where they're like, hey, people aren't pooping no more.
• 53:12
  We're going to make an animated video of a Unicorn pooping
• 53:15
  rainbow ice cream into a cone and get somebody to eat it and
• 53:19
  sell $100 million worth of a toilet stand.
• 53:23
  Yeah, right. All of those came from divergent
• 53:27
  thinking and possibility. And so when it comes to
• 53:29
  facilitating it, it's just actually practicing it, and it's
• 53:32
  allowing yourself that curiosity and that freedom to be able to
• 53:36
  play inside of those buckets. And that same divergent thinking
• 53:40
  doesn't just apply to the dream, it also applies to the builder,
• 53:44
  right? And then that allows you to
• 53:46
  think of things that you haven't thought about because there's
• 53:48
  millions of ways to do everything.
• 53:50
  We limit ourselves so frequently because we keep the blinders on
• 53:53
  and we don't open up the possibilities.
• 53:55
  So did that answer your question?
• 53:57
  100% and I think that this will also transition into because I
• 54:00
  know it's we had a great conversation about this at your
• 54:02
  event around the personal bucket.
• 54:05
  And one of the things that I know originally when I learned
• 54:09
  this model, full transparency, I was like, oh, that person's a
• 54:12
  protector, that person's a builder.
• 54:13
  Like I kept labeling everybody. I'm like, I know exactly which
• 54:16
  one you are. And you're typically, as you
• 54:18
  listen to this, going to know who the protectors are because
• 54:21
  again, to his point, you get emotionally activated by people
• 54:23
  poking holes in your dream or in your plan.
• 54:26
  But I think something that, you know, you talked about the event
• 54:30
  that I think is really, really important is that people have a
• 54:32
  dominant and when triggered go to certain other buckets, then
• 54:38
  they're dominant. So like for me, I'm a natural
• 54:41
  builder, but I would say when I get very triggered or when I
• 54:45
  feel like unsafe. So for example, if I say to
• 54:48
  someone, OK, like here's what I'm trying to do and here's a
• 54:50
  plan of how I'm going to do it. If somebody adds A portion to
• 54:54
  the dream that I don't think is realistic, or if I don't like
• 54:58
  and have a step in my plan for that, like that's not something
• 55:00
  I had thought of, it makes me feel very triggered.
• 55:03
  And I go, no, that won't work. I start to poke holes in it.
• 55:06
  So I think I would be curious if you could share with people what
• 55:10
  you shared at the retreat, which was helping people to understand
• 55:13
  that we do have dominant styles we naturally lean toward.
• 55:17
  And we also have triggered states that basically as a
• 55:19
  result of, I don't know if you would label it this way, but
• 55:23
  like emotional activation or a lack of nervous system
• 55:26
  regulation for whatever reason. The reason is not necessarily as
• 55:29
  important as it is the fact that it's happening in a moment that
• 55:33
  we go to a triggered state. And I think the thing that came
• 55:36
  up at your event, which I thought was really insightful,
• 55:38
  is to have grace with people as to why that is their dominance.
• 55:41
  So like if someone like for myself, I would say that I am a
• 55:46
  builder or I'm all about the plan.
• 55:48
  And I'm also about the worst case scenario in basically
• 55:51
  everything business life personal, because I grew up with
• 55:55
  a lot of uncertainty and there was many times I remember like
• 56:01
  things happening, but we had no plan on how we're going to solve
• 56:04
  them. And all I could ruminate on was
• 56:06
  all the negative things that could happen.
• 56:09
  So now what happens in my life is when someone's like, and, and
• 56:12
  you and I even have these conversations or be like, you
• 56:15
  know, this XYZ would be possible or like this is what it could
• 56:18
  look like. And you're like, so in a, in a
• 56:20
  beautiful dream state, I'm there.
• 56:22
  Like that won't work. There's no plan, there's no
• 56:25
  steps. And I appreciate that aspect of
• 56:28
  like seek to understand where it comes from that triggered state.
• 56:32
  Because I think when you do, you have more grace with people to
• 56:36
  realize that this model is not just like for some teams,
• 56:40
  they're like, hey, you're the protector today.
• 56:42
  But realize that that might not be as easy for one person to the
• 56:45
  next because they have lived experiences that have caused
• 56:48
  them to be that dominant way. And as a result, there's lived
• 56:53
  experiences that are the reason they're also triggered to go
• 56:55
  into a different state. Yeah.
• 56:57
  Would it be helpful before I answer that, if I explain how
• 57:00
  they apply intrapersonally? OK, so now, and I'm going to
• 57:06
  close the loop from the very beginning where I was like,
• 57:08
  there's two ways for this model way #1 is an idea, right?
• 57:11
  We just covered for 50 minutes what that idea and what those
• 57:15
  possibilities are. And I just want to land the
• 57:16
  plane a little bit. Also, as a side note for you, as
• 57:20
  an entrepreneur with a team, with anybody, you should not be
• 57:24
  giving them anything to do unless you are clear that you
• 57:28
  have at least an item or two from the dream, from the build
• 57:31
  or from the protector, or else you're just creating more noise.
• 57:35
  And so to utilize this independently means when I go to
• 57:37
  my CEO and I'm like, hey, I want to change the intros of the
• 57:41
  podcast to be more like this. Here's how I'm going to do it
• 57:45
  and what I might need from you, But I thought this might
• 57:47
  potentially go wrong. Do you have any thoughts?
• 57:50
  It gives my team everything they need to be like, we're either
• 57:54
  putting that on the menu or are we not?
• 57:56
  And it doesn't create inefficient back and forth.
• 57:58
  So that's a little side bonus piece that I felt like adding.
• 58:01
  So then on the second part, which is how do these apply
• 58:04
  intrapersonally? What I mean by that is personal
• 58:06
  relationships. Kate has alluded to this
• 58:09
  multiple times. We all naturally live in a
• 58:12
  state. Some of us live in a state
• 58:14
  differently in our business than we do in our Life, OK?
• 58:18
  When I am in the business, I am very much a builder.
• 58:22
  When I am in my personal life, I am very much a dreamer, right?
• 58:26
  In Kate and my's relationship, I'm the dreamer.
• 58:28
  We can label me that all day. I oscillate between them all
• 58:32
  very well because I facilitate them all very well.
• 58:35
  And when I'm conscious, I know that I'm in it.
• 58:38
  When I'm triggered, I go straight protector.
• 58:41
  OK, So what I mean by this is that if you think about somebody
• 58:44
  that you're really close with right now, you can see which
• 58:48
  state they live in by default. So a really good way to litmus
• 58:51
  test this. If you ask somebody a question
• 58:54
  and they answer it with no how whatsoever, they're a dreamer.
• 58:59
  It's like, hey, like I want to go out this weekend and they're
• 59:01
  like, yeah, we could go here and there and there and there.
• 59:05
  You're like 100% dreamer. If you're like, hey, I want to
• 59:09
  go out this week. And they're like, well, where
• 59:10
  can we get a reservation? What time are we going?
• 59:12
  I need to figure out how many people are going to be there so
• 59:14
  that we can get a table because it's hard to get it in Toronto.
• 59:17
  And you're like, oh, builder, right?
• 59:19
  If then you're like, hey, I want to go out this weekend and
• 59:21
  they're like, I can't make plans.
• 59:23
  I don't know what the rest of the week is going to be like.
• 59:24
  I don't know how I'm going to feel.
• 59:25
  I don't want to get dressed up. I don't want to go be around
• 59:27
  people. And you're like, oh, got it,
• 59:29
  protector, right? It's a really easy way to see
• 59:33
  kind of what everybody's natural state is.
• 59:35
  And I have to say this to everybody listening to this,
• 59:38
  This came up at the event. How you use this in the
• 59:41
  interpersonal bucket means the moment you have the awareness of
• 59:44
  it, it's your job to control the dance, not your job to blame
• 59:49
  them for dancing in the wrong bucket.
• 59:51
  So if you're having a conversation with somebody and
• 59:54
  you realize you're not getting anywhere, this happens in
• 59:57
  relationship all the time because most men are builders
• 1:00:01
  and a lot of women are dreamers. And so a woman will want to
• 1:00:05
  share or say something and then the dudes responding the whole
• 1:00:08
  time, no, honey, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this.
• 1:00:10
  And she's like, I just want you to hear me.
• 1:00:13
  He can't turn off the builder mode and she can't turn off the
• 1:00:15
  dreamer mode. So they end up clashing, right?
• 1:00:18
  So this model applies intrapersonally because all of
• 1:00:21
  us live in one of these states. The best teams you'll ever build
• 1:00:24
  are one dreamer, one builder, one protector.
• 1:00:27
  It works like a charm every single time.
• 1:00:29
  Once everybody's aware of this. And so the reason I say that is
• 1:00:33
  because to Kate's question now to answer that is we all have a
• 1:00:36
  natural state. So the questions that I gave you
• 1:00:38
  a couple of minutes ago of like you asked somebody a question,
• 1:00:41
  which state are they in? That's level 1 of like knowing
• 1:00:44
  what state they live in because now you can know how to
• 1:00:47
  communicate with them. So if you're a builder and
• 1:00:50
  you're talking to a dreamer and you're trying to make a plan,
• 1:00:52
  you know they're in dream states.
• 1:00:54
  So you let them answer and dream.
• 1:00:55
  You're like, hey, I got you. I heard you.
• 1:00:57
  Can you do me a favor? I love that idea and I want to
• 1:00:59
  do it this weekend, but can you help me plan it a little bit
• 1:01:02
  because I'm having a little anxiety about like how we're
• 1:01:04
  going to get all done. Can we just focus on that for a
• 1:01:06
  minute? They're like, yeah, totally,
• 1:01:08
  because it's an invitation to change their natural state,
• 1:01:11
  right? Or if we're thinking about going
• 1:01:13
  out or running an event and you're like, oh, we got all
• 1:01:15
  this. I'm like, hey, have I missed
• 1:01:17
  anything that like could potentially go wrong?
• 1:01:19
  Like can you pressure check this with me?
• 1:01:20
  Like, did we do this? What else is missing?
• 1:01:23
  When you have an awareness of it, you can meet people in the
• 1:01:25
  conversation and get the other parts and pieces.
• 1:01:28
  So to Kate's point, we all have a natural state, but we also
• 1:01:32
  have a triggered or tickled state.
• 1:01:34
  I call it tickled because I hate the word triggered.
• 1:01:36
  Tickled, OK, Meaning where any point where we're getting
• 1:01:40
  defensive, we're emotionally activated, we're checked out,
• 1:01:43
  that is what I would consider tickled, right?
• 1:01:45
  And typically what I have found is that dreamers and builders
• 1:01:50
  always triggered, go into protector like 9 out of 10
• 1:01:54
  times, right? So if you have somebody who's
• 1:01:56
  naturally like, yeah, we can do this, we can do this.
• 1:01:58
  And they're all of a sudden like a caged animal in a corner.
• 1:02:02
  If they are not in the right thinking mind or the right state
• 1:02:05
  to be making a decision, they're completely triggered protectors,
• 1:02:09
  interestingly enough, go into the dream or builder and they're
• 1:02:13
  like, do whatever you want. Yeah, we can totally do it.
• 1:02:15
  It's like they're checked out and completely like reserved to
• 1:02:19
  whatever happens when their natural state is typically like,
• 1:02:22
  yeah, but what about this? And so you can start to see
• 1:02:25
  these and navigate these. And, and I want to give an
• 1:02:27
  example because I've taught this model.
• 1:02:30
  I have a lot of clients that are couples where they're one's an
• 1:02:33
  entrepreneur, the other one works with them or their
• 1:02:35
  business partners. And I've taught them this model
• 1:02:37
  on ideas. And it saved their marriage
• 1:02:41
  because what they started to recognize was, is that when they
• 1:02:44
  were going home, they were trying to have the same
• 1:02:47
  conversation, but they were standing on two different dance
• 1:02:49
  floors. And when that happens, the only
• 1:02:52
  thing that happens is friction. And so the reason I share this
• 1:02:55
  is because whoever's aware of this model has the authority and
• 1:03:00
  the invitation to lead the dance somewhere else.
• 1:03:02
  So for Kate as my partner, who I love dearly, she's builder.
• 1:03:07
  So I know anytime I ask you a question, honey, you are going
• 1:03:09
  to tell me how we can or can't get it done.
• 1:03:14
  And then in that, I'd be like, actually, I love that.
• 1:03:17
  But can you dream with me for a minute?
• 1:03:18
  Like, I'm just curious, like, what about this?
• 1:03:20
  Could we do this? Could we go here?
• 1:03:22
  And it's inviting the other person and meeting them where
• 1:03:25
  they are to make sure that all parts are complete and heard.
• 1:03:28
  And I know this because I've personally experienced this with
• 1:03:31
  friendships. I've experienced this with
• 1:03:32
  people in relationships. And I have specific examples
• 1:03:36
  where I've seen people, myself included, get into a fight
• 1:03:39
  because something was done. And then, you know, I come home
• 1:03:43
  and I'm like, hey, tell me like, how is it?
• 1:03:44
  And they're like, well, I thought about, and I could do
• 1:03:46
  this, this, this. I'm like, but I just did that
• 1:03:50
  and it turns into this massive blow up.
• 1:03:52
  And then once the dust settles, they're like, I was talking
• 1:03:55
  about in 10 years and I was like, I'm hearing it like
• 1:03:58
  builder right now, protector, like we can't.
• 1:04:02
  And it happens with money conversations that happens with
• 1:04:05
  time conversations, that happens with plans.
• 1:04:08
  And so it's important to understand this model because
• 1:04:11
  when you can see the state that somebody's in, you can meet them
• 1:04:15
  in that state, even if it's not your default.
• 1:04:18
  So even on my team in my business, I naturally live in
• 1:04:24
  builder because I was a solopreneur for so long and it
• 1:04:27
  took me a long time to learn how to have a team.
• 1:04:29
  Once I had an incredible team member, Ashley, she's a builder
• 1:04:33
  by trade. Like that is, she's builder,
• 1:04:35
  builder all day, which has allowed me to be a dreamer.
• 1:04:39
  And so I'm like, we could do this, we could do this.
• 1:04:41
  But when Ashley needs something from me, she knows that if she
• 1:04:44
  asks me a question, she's going to get a dreamer answer.
• 1:04:48
  Like, yeah, we could totally do that.
• 1:04:49
  We could have this at the event. We could do.
• 1:04:51
  So she'll message me and she'll be like, hey, George, I need you
• 1:04:53
  to build with me for a minute. Here's my thoughts.
• 1:04:56
  What do you think on building this?
• 1:04:58
  And neither of us are protectors in the business.
• 1:05:01
  So what'll happen is she'll have an idea or something, we'll
• 1:05:04
  execute it. She'll be like, hey, I need you
• 1:05:07
  to do me a favor. I'm going to send you this
• 1:05:09
  video. I need you to poke holes in it
• 1:05:11
  and find everything you don't like about it.
• 1:05:13
  And I'm going to do the same. And we actually both mutually
• 1:05:15
  invite ourselves into that protector bucket so that we can
• 1:05:19
  find those flaws and then communicate effectively.
• 1:05:22
  And we had to start doing that because if we think about Kate's
• 1:05:25
  example of how many times we've had an idea and we, like, go to
• 1:05:29
  the person we love the most and we're like, Oh my God, honey,
• 1:05:32
  like this happened during my day.
• 1:05:33
  I'm going to do XY and Z. And then your partner, who's not
• 1:05:35
  an entrepreneur, says, like, yeah, but how are you going to
• 1:05:38
  do that? That's not realistic.
• 1:05:41
  That's not realistic. It's going to take too much
• 1:05:43
  time. We don't have the money, right?
• 1:05:45
  Or the other version, if you're a dreamer is like, you can't do
• 1:05:48
  that. You don't have the ability to do
• 1:05:51
  that. And immediately we shut down,
• 1:05:53
  get triggered and go in to protect her.
• 1:05:54
  And then two protectors are fighting and nothing happens.
• 1:05:58
  What I do now when that happens and when you're in protector
• 1:06:02
  mode, sometimes I say in my brain, I'm like, thank you for
• 1:06:05
  protecting our vision. And I can hear it differently.
• 1:06:09
  And then I know that when you're done telling me how you're going
• 1:06:12
  to protect it, I can ask questions.
• 1:06:15
  And So what it gives us is this massive awareness of what's
• 1:06:19
  actually happening so that we can navigate the conversation
• 1:06:22
  without shutting down and allowing progress to happen.
• 1:06:26
  And as you use this model over and over and over, like
• 1:06:29
  everybody in my life knows this model.
• 1:06:31
  You see it in my personal circle.
• 1:06:32
  We all joke about it, right? Like, we'll be at dinner and
• 1:06:35
  it's like, oh, boom, boom, boom. Like, OK, well, what's the
• 1:06:37
  dream? And they're like, oh, you're
• 1:06:38
  probably going to shut this down and protect it.
• 1:06:40
  I'm like, well, it's because I love you, right?
• 1:06:41
  And it's, it kind of becomes this fun play where it
• 1:06:44
  neutralizes it and it allows everybody to communicate the
• 1:06:47
  same way. And so that's the intrapersonal
• 1:06:50
  kind of relationship in the buckets.
• 1:06:52
  Well, and it was interesting I was sharing at the retreat.
• 1:06:54
  So like when George and I saw each other last, like as he
• 1:06:57
  said, I live in the builder and then when I'm triggered in the
• 1:07:00
  in the protector. And so obviously you guys know
• 1:07:04
  that we're long distance. So because of that, I have these
• 1:07:07
  moments every time we get together.
• 1:07:09
  I have this like awareness of like, oh man, I need a plan, I
• 1:07:11
  need a plan, I need plan, I need, I need timelines, I need
• 1:07:14
  checklists, I need something to anchor into.
• 1:07:18
  Cuz that's like for me again, being that dominant, like that's
• 1:07:20
  what makes me feel, I guess I would say validated or seen is
• 1:07:25
  like having, OK, great, we're on the same plan.
• 1:07:27
  And so then when I get emotional, I typically go into
• 1:07:30
  like this pessimistic poke holes and everything that won't work,
• 1:07:33
  that won't work. And it's actually came up a
• 1:07:35
  decent amount of times for me on the receiving end at the retreat
• 1:07:40
  because like the first time we were having this conversation
• 1:07:42
  and I was in protector and you were triggered as well as me.
• 1:07:47
  So I you went into builder and you're like, I'm doing to your
• 1:07:50
  point earlier, as men love to solve problems.
• 1:07:52
  You're like, Kate, I did this, I did this, I'm doing this, I'm
• 1:07:55
  working on this. Like I'm making things happen.
• 1:07:57
  I'm moving pieces and I'm like, yeah, but and I start to poke
• 1:08:00
  holes and everything. And it was really interesting.
• 1:08:03
  And like, I just want you guys to picture we're sitting out on
• 1:08:05
  the back patio in rocking chairs having this conversation when
• 1:08:09
  we're looking at the beautiful landscape of Montana.
• 1:08:11
  And mid conversation, this man walks up and he leaves and I'm
• 1:08:15
  like OK cool. So I guess the conversation's
• 1:08:17
  over. What's happening?
• 1:08:19
  No like less than 30 seconds later he literally comes back
• 1:08:22
  and is in a completely different state.
• 1:08:24
  And he was like, OK, and I'm like OK cuz I'm like which state
• 1:08:29
  is he? And he literally physically, to
• 1:08:31
  your point about state change, you physically removed yourself.
• 1:08:35
  Like you kind of like made conversational, like, you know,
• 1:08:38
  interaction, which I think is also a testament to like even
• 1:08:41
  the people who know this framework, dive into it,
• 1:08:45
  integrate it, you still have levels where you become unaware.
• 1:08:48
  And in that moment he became aware, he was like, whoa, I know
• 1:08:52
  exactly what's going on here. Literally removed himself, came
• 1:08:56
  back, sat in the chair and it was like a such a different
• 1:08:59
  energy. And he was like, OK, great.
• 1:09:01
  Tell me what you're scared of or like, tell me what I can do to
• 1:09:05
  support you kind of thing. Because he was like, he realized
• 1:09:07
  in the moment that I really wasn't looking for like, here's
• 1:09:10
  how we're going to all do it. I was looking to be what you
• 1:09:13
  said at the retreat for other people as well.
• 1:09:15
  People who are in fear or who are resistant or who are in that
• 1:09:20
  protector are just looking to be validated.
• 1:09:22
  They're looking to be heard. They're looking to be seen.
• 1:09:24
  And like in that moment, I'm fully aware that we don't have
• 1:09:28
  this perfect step plan, but it wasn't really like, hey, in this
• 1:09:31
  next 10 minutes, I need you to outline all the ways that this
• 1:09:34
  is going to work for us. It was really that I was so
• 1:09:37
  emotionally again, dysregulated that I was in this bucket of I'm
• 1:09:41
  worried about this. I'm scared about this.
• 1:09:43
  What if this doesn't work? What if this doesn't happen for
• 1:09:45
  us? And when you came back and sat
• 1:09:50
  and were like, I hear you. Like, I am so sorry that that's
• 1:09:53
  how that feels. I totally understand the
• 1:09:55
  feeling. Or you're mentioning of X.
• 1:09:58
  Everything just started to dissipate.
• 1:10:00
  And I was like, OK, great. Because all I was really looking
• 1:10:02
  for was validation. I just didn't at that time know
• 1:10:04
  it. And it was interesting later
• 1:10:07
  down the road, you know, after he taught everybody at the event
• 1:10:11
  this framework, we're having this fireside chat.
• 1:10:13
  And one of my incredible friends and clients, Maddie, I was at
• 1:10:16
  the the fire and I was like, yeah, well, you know, well,
• 1:10:19
  this, this, this isn't a plan and this won't work.
• 1:10:22
  And I was again, in another mode of my natural operating system
• 1:10:25
  of just like a little negative Nance.
• 1:10:27
  And also with that, I didn't have a plan because of that.
• 1:10:29
  I was just poking holes and everything.
• 1:10:32
  And she just was like, can I be really direct with you?
• 1:10:35
  And I'm like, yeah. And she's like, OK, great.
• 1:10:37
  Like there are ways that this can work.
• 1:10:40
  And literally her and another incredible team member, Kelsey,
• 1:10:45
  flat out said to me in basically these same words, which is like,
• 1:10:49
  you know what? They shared all these different
• 1:10:52
  dreams of how it could work, all these opportunities, all this
• 1:10:55
  like, vision of what was possible.
• 1:10:57
  And both of them had these beautiful things they mentioned,
• 1:11:00
  but that all my answers were, yeah, but I'm too, but I'm too
• 1:11:04
  this or yeah, but that won't work because of X or yeah, but I
• 1:11:06
  can't because of X. And I remember Kelsey and her
• 1:11:08
  team alongside Maddie in the share was based like, hey, you
• 1:11:12
  know what? It seems like no matter what we
• 1:11:15
  say, you're going to find a reason that it won't work.
• 1:11:19
  So I think that this is really just something that you have to
• 1:11:21
  sit with. And I remember in that moment
• 1:11:23
  feeling so-called out because I was like, you are so deep, like
• 1:11:29
  dug in as a protector right now because I was so emotionally
• 1:11:32
  activated by what we were talking about that I didn't even
• 1:11:35
  realize. They did have really good ideas
• 1:11:38
  and they did have really like incredible intentional shares.
• 1:11:44
  And it was only once I got back to being regulated that I went
• 1:11:47
  back into my natural bucket and all my activator triggered
• 1:11:50
  bucket. And I remember saying to you,
• 1:11:52
  like the next day I was like, you know what?
• 1:11:54
  I really am taking to heart what Kelsey and Maddie were sharing.
• 1:11:57
  And I'm going to think about it because it basically was like,
• 1:11:59
  hey, girl, you're sitting in this bucket of like, that's not
• 1:12:04
  a good plan. That's not going to work.
• 1:12:05
  Or I would say, OK, well, if you have this big idea, let me try
• 1:12:09
  to build a plan for it. And there was no clear plan.
• 1:12:11
  So because of that, I was like, this is stupid.
• 1:12:13
  I'm throwing it out and having someone directly call you out
• 1:12:17
  and be like, hey, I can clearly see that we're not having the
• 1:12:21
  same conversation right now, meaning you're not open to going
• 1:12:24
  from Protector to Dreamer right now.
• 1:12:26
  So we should maybe revisit this conversation when you're open to
• 1:12:29
  coming to Dreamer. It was actually, it was
• 1:12:31
  difficult for me, but it was also very beautiful because it
• 1:12:34
  makes you realize that we really do have these like such deep.
• 1:12:38
  I don't know if you would call it this way, but like wounds of
• 1:12:44
  how we operate and I reflected after I kind of like came back
• 1:12:48
  to baseline, how many friendships has that?
• 1:12:53
  Maybe I've had a conversation with a friend and they felt so
• 1:12:55
  invalidated because I went to like, well, it won't work
• 1:12:58
  because of this, this, this. Or I was in a different bucket
• 1:13:01
  maybe or maybe even interpersonally, like you said,
• 1:13:03
  in like a romantic relationship. Like are there situations where
• 1:13:06
  I was trying to build a plan for someone, they just wanted to
• 1:13:08
  kind of dream together? And this framework, I personally
• 1:13:13
  feel while it is so impactful in business and there's so many
• 1:13:17
  ways to what you noted that you can apply it, I think that this
• 1:13:20
  is actually, in my personal opinion, more profound from an
• 1:13:23
  interpersonal standpoint of friendships, even probably for
• 1:13:28
  you or for anyone listening who's a parent and your kids are
• 1:13:31
  like, dad, we could do this, this, this.
• 1:13:33
  And you're like, no, we can't because we have to get groceries
• 1:13:35
  and we have to do this, right? And you just kind of are like,
• 1:13:38
  kill the dream. This is what the plan is or This
• 1:13:40
  is why it won't work. There's so many interpersonal
• 1:13:43
  applications, and so I would really invite anyone who feels
• 1:13:46
  excited or activated about this model to think about.
• 1:13:50
  I feel like Step 1 is like reflecting on which one are you
• 1:13:54
  or do you feel like you identify with knowing and with that,
• 1:13:58
  which one is your triggered state?
• 1:13:59
  And then starting to think back on like, what are maybe
• 1:14:02
  interactions recently that I've had where I felt on the
• 1:14:06
  receiving end or maybe I was on the giving end and didn't feel
• 1:14:09
  heard. And I feel like once I started,
• 1:14:11
  even for this week, to reflect on the conversations you and I
• 1:14:14
  had, or, you know, me and the girls had, I was very like, in
• 1:14:18
  my face, aware of how much work there is to do to increase
• 1:14:22
  awareness in moments of like, peak emotional state.
• 1:14:27
  I have so many things to respond to that number one, thank you
• 1:14:30
  for sharing #2 thank you for seeing me and loving me
• 1:14:34
  perfectly, and #3 thank you for calling out.
• 1:14:37
  One of the most important points of all of this is that there's
• 1:14:41
  no finish line to this work. What we're really talking about
• 1:14:45
  is awareness, communication and empathy, which is what creates
• 1:14:50
  all the results that we want in our life.
• 1:14:52
  As somebody who's been teaching this model for 10 years, I get
• 1:14:56
  triggered more than most people, right?
• 1:14:58
  I got my own stuff going on and the goal is never to make
• 1:15:00
  ourselves wrong. None of us are wrong for
• 1:15:02
  whatever bucket you default to. None of us are wrong for
• 1:15:05
  whatever bucket that you get triggered to.
• 1:15:08
  The goal is to be aware of it because then that gives you the
• 1:15:11
  ability to make a conscious choice, right?
• 1:15:13
  None of us people, we love our kids, right?
• 1:15:16
  Like as a parent that landed for me, right?
• 1:15:19
  I have to proactively keep myself in dream state with my 8
• 1:15:23
  year old because he'll brought so many ideas that we can get
• 1:15:27
  done in a day. And daddy wants to be like, bro,
• 1:15:29
  that's seven weeks worth of stuff.
• 1:15:31
  But then I also don't want to Pooh, Pooh a dream.
• 1:15:33
  Like, yeah, well, what could this look like?
• 1:15:34
  And what could this look like? He could go to the skate park
• 1:15:36
  and ride my scooter on the skate park and I'm like, OK.
• 1:15:41
  Yeah, and, and it's really, to your point, I think the most
• 1:15:45
  important thing is the validation of it.
• 1:15:47
  What we all crave as human beings is to feel seen, heard,
• 1:15:51
  respected and loved. Or hulaed, heard, understood,
• 1:15:54
  loved and accepted right Any of those land.
• 1:15:57
  But the point of recognizing somebody in a bucket is not to
• 1:15:59
  get them out of the bucket. It's to meet them in the bucket
• 1:16:03
  till they feel complete and then they're willing to move out of
• 1:16:06
  the bucket. And so for me, when I stood up,
• 1:16:10
  I recognized that you and I were tangoing on a floor that neither
• 1:16:14
  of us belonged on, and one of us had to be willing to get off the
• 1:16:19
  dance floor. I walked inside.
• 1:16:20
  I prayed for 10 seconds. Breathe.
• 1:16:22
  And I'm like, what am I doing? Get out there.
• 1:16:24
  And I was like, honey, what I hear you saying is right.
• 1:16:29
  I can't imagine what that feels. All right.
• 1:16:31
  But when we think about this, the validation part is the
• 1:16:33
  biggest point. Because to your point, you've
• 1:16:36
  even said to me, and we've had conversations, I'm like, honey,
• 1:16:38
  what would have been helpful for me is at the beginning if you
• 1:16:40
  just told me you just wanted me to hear you.
• 1:16:42
  And you're like, yeah, I just want to dream for a minute.
• 1:16:44
  That allows my brain to go to, oh, just dream.
• 1:16:48
  I ain't going to fix anything. I ain't going to build anything.
• 1:16:50
  I don't have to find anything. I don't have to do anything.
• 1:16:53
  I just get to play impossibility.
• 1:16:56
  And then sometimes you're like, honey, I actually need your help
• 1:16:59
  planning this. And you see me get activated.
• 1:17:00
  I'm like, oh, man, mode, let's go.
• 1:17:02
  How am I going to get all this done and coordinate the day and
• 1:17:05
  plan the road trip, Right. Yeah, and I think it's important
• 1:17:08
  for all of us that the goal is awareness, but having that
• 1:17:12
  awareness doesn't solve it. It gives us the tools and the
• 1:17:15
  perspective to be able to choose how we navigate that situation.
• 1:17:18
  And so validation is huge. Just like when we have dreams,
• 1:17:22
  we want to be heard. Like, oh honey, what I heard you
• 1:17:24
  say is you want to do this? You want to do this.
• 1:17:26
  Yeah. And then all of a sudden it
• 1:17:28
  brings you to reality of like, OK, how could we do that?
• 1:17:30
  And so all of them. And I would submit too.
• 1:17:33
  I don't even think the the business side of this model is
• 1:17:36
  on the same universal impact as it is intrapersonally.
• 1:17:41
  And I mean every friendship, every client, every business
• 1:17:45
  partner, every person. My son's school teachers, like
• 1:17:49
  the baristas at the coffee shop, like you name it.
• 1:17:52
  When you start to be aware of these things, it tends to
• 1:17:55
  drastically deepen relationships because you're operating with
• 1:17:59
  these awarenesses and you have the ability of the tools to
• 1:18:03
  shift them and, and to be heard, right.
• 1:18:05
  And I know for me sometimes like, you know, I think, and I'm
• 1:18:07
  sharing just openly for people listening, this might resonate
• 1:18:10
  with, but some of the times that I end up in protector aren't
• 1:18:14
  because I'm emotionally triggered.
• 1:18:15
  It's because my capacity is empty and I feel like a chicken
• 1:18:18
  with my head cut off and the thought of having to do anything
• 1:18:22
  else or a question being asked. And the times of my son is like
• 1:18:25
  dad, dad, I'm like, hey, Bubba, can you just give daddy like 2
• 1:18:28
  minutes? Daddy just needs a minute,
• 1:18:30
  right? Like, it's so easy to fall in
• 1:18:33
  and out of the States, but when we become aware of them, that's
• 1:18:35
  the goal, is that we catch it and we're like, Oh my God, I'm
• 1:18:38
  totally being a pessimistic Pam right now, right?
• 1:18:42
  That ain't helping anybody, right?
• 1:18:44
  Or, you know, I keep hiding in the dream and I'm like, cool.
• 1:18:49
  And I've done this before where like I've hidden in the dream of
• 1:18:53
  like, if I just dream enough, somehow magically it's going to
• 1:18:56
  build itself. And it's oh, wait, no, that's
• 1:18:59
  not how this works, right? Like I love driving by the gym,
• 1:19:02
  but I've yet to drive by it and found ABS in the process, right?
• 1:19:06
  Like there's, there's a certain point where I have to build it.
• 1:19:08
  And so the more that these things come to our awarenesses,
• 1:19:12
  the more we can have the grace for ourselves.
• 1:19:14
  And that's the reason I said, like, none of these states are
• 1:19:16
  wrong. And it doesn't even matter why
• 1:19:19
  they were installed. But one of the examples you gave
• 1:19:22
  of like, poo pooping on our kids dreams that might turn them into
• 1:19:26
  builders because they're like, if I want this done, I have to
• 1:19:29
  do it myself. Or that might down the line turn
• 1:19:32
  them into protectors. And everything is critical for
• 1:19:35
  them, which was me because I grew up similar to you, but mine
• 1:19:38
  was homeless. Well, everything was bad.
• 1:19:40
  So that means as a coach and an entrepreneur for, you know, a
• 1:19:43
  good decade, the only way that I succeeded was protecting and
• 1:19:47
  critiquing everything. And then I realized that that is
• 1:19:50
  not a good natural state to live in, in the lens that I was
• 1:19:53
  living in it. And I worked really hard to like
• 1:19:55
  work through those things. But for all of us, there's
• 1:19:57
  awareness, because I want to also say this for everybody, the
• 1:20:01
  finish line is being able to oscillate between the three.
• 1:20:06
  And I look at that now as a state of like, really healthy
• 1:20:10
  emotional regulation where if you decide you just want to sit
• 1:20:14
  there for 10 minutes and stare at the mountains and dream,
• 1:20:17
  you're not pooing on your own dream or asking.
• 1:20:18
  You're like, I'm just going to dream.
• 1:20:20
  And then if you're like, I want to execute this idea, you're
• 1:20:22
  like, oh, I could do this. I could do this.
• 1:20:23
  I could do this. And then you're aware enough to
• 1:20:25
  be like, Oh, yeah, but I've never done that before.
• 1:20:28
  So I might want to learn something or two about this,
• 1:20:30
  Right. And it, and it's this really
• 1:20:32
  healthy place where we can end up oscillating between them.
• 1:20:35
  And I think that that is the the end goal with these.
• 1:20:37
  And it's not that you've mastered them, it's that you're
• 1:20:39
  aware of them. And if I could put a finish line
• 1:20:42
  in place, and I know you didn't ask this, it is that ability to
• 1:20:45
  be able to morph, right? Like at at freedom's will when
• 1:20:49
  you're like, honey, I have an idea.
• 1:20:50
  I'm like, dude, let's talk about the idea.
• 1:20:53
  And they're like, hey, I want to plan this.
• 1:20:54
  I'm like, oh, I feel completely safe to go into the plan.
• 1:20:57
  And I think underneath all of it is us being aware of what those
• 1:21:01
  tickles are, right? What is activating us?
• 1:21:04
  Where are we allowing ourselves to get tilted off?
• 1:21:06
  Where have we had, you know, spent 90 days on this best idea
• 1:21:10
  ever? And then one random douche on
• 1:21:13
  Instagrams like, you shouldn't do that or leaves you a negative
• 1:21:15
  comment and all of a sudden you throw your dream in the trash,
• 1:21:18
  right? Like, those aren't healthy
• 1:21:20
  markers of like us loving ourselves and stewarding
• 1:21:24
  ourselves and doing it. I saw that this model for me is
• 1:21:26
  like one of the deepest, most powerful models, as long as we
• 1:21:31
  keep it in our awareness and we practice it.
• 1:21:34
  And I think that the the thing that was interesting at the
• 1:21:38
  retreat specifically where this got shared and it just in case
• 1:21:41
  it's helpful for anybody, because obviously we're talking
• 1:21:43
  about on the interpersonal level, we went to a dinner that
• 1:21:46
  was mainly men and me and Kelsey.
• 1:21:49
  So two women and the rest is men.
• 1:21:51
  And it was interesting because all of them had shared the same
• 1:21:53
  sentiment. And obviously, you know, many of
• 1:21:55
  the people that listen to ambitious are women.
• 1:21:58
  And one of the things that every single man at that table shared
• 1:22:03
  is they love to solve, which is that they were like anytime my
• 1:22:07
  wife, my, you know, one guy was his fiance, their girlfriend
• 1:22:12
  comes to them and says, you know, I want to do this.
• 1:22:14
  And I'm thinking I have this really big idea.
• 1:22:16
  They're like, OK, let's get to it.
• 1:22:17
  Like let's build a plan or I'm really frustrated because this
• 1:22:20
  isn't working and this isn't working and I feel like I can't
• 1:22:22
  do this. Like, OK, great, let's make a
• 1:22:24
  plan. And so I think it was really
• 1:22:27
  interesting too, because obviously you shared that you
• 1:22:30
  are a solver and I knew that about you.
• 1:22:32
  Like anytime I bring something to you, I know you're going to
• 1:22:34
  solve it before I even probably am finished.
• 1:22:37
  But it was interesting to also have that shared sentiment with
• 1:22:42
  other people that were there. Almost all the other men that I
• 1:22:45
  spoke with after they knew this model said that their natural
• 1:22:50
  response in any situation with their female partner is that
• 1:22:54
  they try to go to seek to solve, seek to solve all the time,
• 1:22:57
  which basically means they end up 9 times out of 10 in builder
• 1:23:00
  as just their natural operating system.
• 1:23:03
  And so it was an interesting conversation because it, it was
• 1:23:06
  just a nugget I wanted to pass along that like, if you are
• 1:23:08
  dating or maybe you're married to ask like could potentially
• 1:23:13
  even take this model, bring it to your partner, say, hey, I
• 1:23:16
  listen to this super cool podcast today where they talked
• 1:23:19
  about this framework and I wanted to share it with you.
• 1:23:22
  Almost like a love language to say, which one do you think you
• 1:23:25
  are? When you get like a really
• 1:23:26
  emotionally activated when we talk about this topic or that
• 1:23:29
  topic, which one do you think you go to?
• 1:23:32
  And like just using this almost to be honest, which sounds like
• 1:23:35
  maybe a little weird. Maybe people are not like us,
• 1:23:37
  but like use it as like a date night conversation to be like,
• 1:23:39
  hey, I had this really interesting thing.
• 1:23:42
  Because to your point about with teams, when you bring it to
• 1:23:45
  their awareness that exists now, you're all indirectly on the
• 1:23:48
  same page because you can call out the dream, you can call out
• 1:23:51
  the protector, Then you can have an awareness of like, hey, let's
• 1:23:54
  just state, because I feel like we've been living in this pocket
• 1:23:56
  for the last 45 minutes. If you're the only one who has
• 1:23:59
  this awareness, it's really difficult in a relationship to
• 1:24:03
  ask the other person or invite them in because they have no
• 1:24:05
  idea what's happening. The best thing, the most
• 1:24:07
  impactful thing in that time was that when you walked away, I
• 1:24:10
  knew exactly what you were doing because we both knew this model
• 1:24:14
  and we just kind of in communication know the different
• 1:24:16
  ways that or different themes or flavors of how we talk.
• 1:24:20
  And so when you left, I had an inkling that this may have been
• 1:24:24
  you state changing. I didn't know.
• 1:24:26
  I was like, part of it, it's like he's never coming back.
• 1:24:28
  And part of it was like he's just state changing.
• 1:24:31
  But either way, I think that there's this power and having a
• 1:24:34
  shared understanding of this model, like to your point with
• 1:24:37
  your team. But also I would really invite
• 1:24:39
  you to do this with your partner because I think that if you are
• 1:24:42
  dating or if you have a really super close friend, that you
• 1:24:45
  guys get into really heated debates or conversations, which
• 1:24:48
  I know even with my family happens a lot at Thanksgiving
• 1:24:51
  and Christmas dinner. Having this kind of like shared
• 1:24:54
  rules of communication is so helpful because it means that
• 1:24:59
  when you do need to shift, you're not feeling like you are
• 1:25:01
  the only person who can carry these changes or shift these
• 1:25:05
  states alone. You kind of get to do it
• 1:25:07
  together. And I feel like for us, it's
• 1:25:10
  been a huge thing that's really helped our communication and
• 1:25:12
  helped our ability to kind of like hear what the other
• 1:25:14
  person's truly saying because we understand what state they're in
• 1:25:17
  A. 100% I'll actually I'm gonna I'm gonna add some to that
• 1:25:21
  because you know, we we are in a long distance relationship.
• 1:25:26
  So when we see each other, we tend to hermit away from the
• 1:25:28
  world. We're like get away from us.
• 1:25:30
  We have we have time to catch up on and.
• 1:25:32
  Five days with him, nobody talked to me.
• 1:25:34
  Nobody talked to me, right? Like we disappeared, but also
• 1:25:37
  like at the event, we got to be around people and got to
• 1:25:41
  witness. And one of the things that we
• 1:25:43
  both heard so often is like, I can't believe you guys are as
• 1:25:46
  close as you are. Love each other the way you do
• 1:25:49
  and the things that you talk about.
• 1:25:50
  Like it was almost like shocking, right?
• 1:25:53
  And truthfully, that's because of these containers.
• 1:25:56
  It's because of this model transparently at the at the very
• 1:26:00
  start of it all for us to be able to have those conversations
• 1:26:03
  without either one internalizing it.
• 1:26:05
  And we've had a lot of them. And I mean, like, I think it's
• 1:26:08
  why I love you so much and why we're so close.
• 1:26:11
  But it also makes it extremely safe.
• 1:26:14
  Like one of the things you've said to me, even early on, I
• 1:26:17
  remember after I taught you this model and you do this magical
• 1:26:20
  thing with me where you use my own models on me because you're
• 1:26:23
  upset that I used said models on you and didn't tell you for so
• 1:26:26
  long that it becomes this game that we play.
• 1:26:29
  But I remember we were having this conversation.
• 1:26:31
  It was around, I don't know, it was like right after Christmas
• 1:26:34
  or something like that. And you were like, hey, honey, I
• 1:26:36
  just want to remind you like we got to talk about this, but it's
• 1:26:39
  not you and me against each other.
• 1:26:40
  It's me and you against this thing.
• 1:26:42
  And I was like, oh, yes. And then you even use it to help
• 1:26:46
  prompt me. And so it's a really safe
• 1:26:48
  communication modality. And I almost look at it like
• 1:26:52
  it's a get out of jail free card because even if in a moment you
• 1:26:56
  looked at me and you're like, hey, you're not dreaming with
• 1:26:59
  me. You're protecting me or being a
• 1:27:01
  protector. Go take a walk.
• 1:27:02
  I'd be like, man, she's white and like, I'll go walk and it
• 1:27:06
  takes 30 seconds to change and then to come back.
• 1:27:10
  And I would just add to what you said, business partners too,
• 1:27:14
  Anywhere where you have an intrapersonal relationship, the
• 1:27:18
  most important thing to understand is that the strength
• 1:27:21
  of that relationship dictates the strength of the results that
• 1:27:24
  you create. And so much of it can be handled
• 1:27:28
  by when we understand this and we're willing to dance with this
• 1:27:30
  and we'll play with this. And it is important that the
• 1:27:32
  other person knows. But sometimes getting them to
• 1:27:37
  know is by giving them a different experience than what
• 1:27:40
  you've had before. And all of a sudden your
• 1:27:43
  husband's saying, how do I feel? Like you get me so much better
• 1:27:46
  now. You're actually listening to
• 1:27:48
  this right now, Honey, what happened, right?
• 1:27:52
  And like, why are you doing this?
• 1:27:53
  Actually, I realized all too often when I talk to you where
• 1:27:58
  you come to me, you just want to plan and you want to solve it.
• 1:28:00
  And I've never realized that before.
• 1:28:02
  And it's important to me because I live in dream state.
• 1:28:04
  And so I want to make sure that you feel heard.
• 1:28:06
  And it's somebody having an experience of this model is what
• 1:28:10
  typically opens up their curiosity and desire to want to
• 1:28:13
  learn it or to want to use it. Because it really, really is
• 1:28:15
  simple. Like if I need something from
• 1:28:18
  Kate, I'm like, hey, honey, I actually need you to poke holes
• 1:28:21
  in something for me and she won't naturally you love me too
• 1:28:24
  much, right? But if I'm like, hey, honey, I
• 1:28:26
  need feedback on this. Could you take a minute and give
• 1:28:28
  me feedback? You also feel safe enough to RIP
• 1:28:30
  me a new one knowing that I'm asking for it.
• 1:28:33
  And I'm like, cool, right? Just like sometimes I have a
• 1:28:37
  vision and I'm like, hey, I can see this.
• 1:28:38
  But like, hey, babe, I can't see how to put this into practice.
• 1:28:43
  Can you like help build it with me?
• 1:28:45
  And it's just these micro invitations for us to identify
• 1:28:48
  the state or to see where we are.
• 1:28:49
  Because I think when you understand this model, and this
• 1:28:52
  is something I don't talk about publicly, but when I've coached
• 1:28:54
  couples, that's happened is we each have our default state, but
• 1:28:58
  then we find a very comfortable dance together and we'll end up
• 1:29:03
  stuck each one of us in that state.
• 1:29:06
  And so the more awarenesses we have, we can help pull each
• 1:29:09
  other out of it to make sure that even in our life or in our
• 1:29:11
  business or in our vision or in our relationship, we're making
• 1:29:15
  sure that we're operating in each one and we're not just, you
• 1:29:18
  know, greasing the groove over and over and over again.
• 1:29:23
  Amazing. I think I have no notes to add.
• 1:29:26
  You covered it all, Yeah. I think, I think, I think we got
• 1:29:30
  it all. The framework, the business, the
• 1:29:33
  personal, the real life examples.
• 1:29:35
  If there's someone which I feel like any time that we talk, you
• 1:29:37
  know, frameworks or any kind of strategy, whether it is personal
• 1:29:40
  or business, I think that there's a natural energy and
• 1:29:44
  momentum and excitement to go do something with it.
• 1:29:46
  But then also, where the heck do I start?
• 1:29:48
  So do you think for the person listening, if they're like, OK,
• 1:29:51
  I really want to start to flex the muscle of this model.
• 1:29:55
  Number one, I would say you could listen back to the episode
• 1:29:58
  slash, take the episode, run it through ChatGPT and ask it for
• 1:30:02
  some notes for you because that will help you to give some of
• 1:30:04
  those rules for yourself and have those noted down so that
• 1:30:07
  those can be a way from which you operate.
• 1:30:10
  But if someone wants to take this and learn it, do you think
• 1:30:12
  that they should do it on their own first?
• 1:30:14
  Should they do it with another person first?
• 1:30:15
  Like where should they start now that they know this model and
• 1:30:18
  what some of the kind of guidelines around it are?
• 1:30:21
  It's a great question. You answered this earlier in the
• 1:30:23
  episode. The first thing you can do is
• 1:30:26
  apply the awareness of this to yourself.
• 1:30:29
  The better you know yourself, the better you'll be able to
• 1:30:31
  utilize this and facilitate it. And so that means like, to
• 1:30:35
  Kate's point, and I'm just reiterating what she said
• 1:30:37
  earlier in her genius is like, which one are you in and which
• 1:30:40
  one have you been stuck in? Or to your point earlier, like,
• 1:30:45
  I wonder where, what are some instances where?
• 1:30:47
  Because now I see this, that this could have been the case or
• 1:30:49
  this could have been, you know, where the miscommunication was
• 1:30:52
  because the more tangible you can see it and feel it, the
• 1:30:56
  better you can facilitate it and apply it.
• 1:30:59
  And so you're the best case study whatsoever.
• 1:31:01
  And then the second part is, I think there actually is a
• 1:31:04
  delineation here. No matter whether you're going
• 1:31:07
  to use this for an idea or for intrapersonal, they both require
• 1:31:12
  you to be aware of them. So even if you're using this for
• 1:31:15
  an idea, it would be really helpful for you to take this.
• 1:31:18
  And it only takes, it can take 15 minutes.
• 1:31:21
  I've done, I've done these as short as 5 minute stints in each
• 1:31:25
  bucket of like take right now. If you're listening an idea that
• 1:31:29
  you've had that you've been stuck on that like the one
• 1:31:32
  that's moved from sticky note to sticky note to calendar to
• 1:31:35
  sticky note to notebook and still hasn't started, right?
• 1:31:38
  Like take that one and set some time and use your calendar and
• 1:31:42
  set three different times and give yourself 5 to 10 minutes in
• 1:31:45
  each bucket and see what comes out of it as you follow the
• 1:31:48
  rules and you utilize it because it will help you have clarity,
• 1:31:52
  which then you'll be able to use that to facilitate with your
• 1:31:54
  team or even your clients. Because I use this all the time
• 1:31:58
  and I've done this model for so long that I just use it in
• 1:32:02
  conversation now. I'm listening for each part.
• 1:32:06
  I'm like listening for the dream.
• 1:32:07
  I'm asking questions for the builder.
• 1:32:09
  Most everybody's really good about protecting themselves.
• 1:32:13
  And typically if it's my idea to a client, they go default to
• 1:32:16
  protective because it's something new and different.
• 1:32:19
  And so the more you practice it, the better you get at it.
• 1:32:23
  And on the intrapersonal side, your awareness of these things,
• 1:32:27
  where you are in your natural state is the most powerful
• 1:32:29
  place. Because even when you teach it
• 1:32:32
  to a partner or you teach it to a friend, or you teach it to a
• 1:32:34
  business partner, you're going to have a different
• 1:32:37
  understanding of where you are and where they are.
• 1:32:39
  And it kind of takes some time and practice for you to be able
• 1:32:42
  to do it. But practice it because I
• 1:32:44
  promise you it's worth it. There's actually, this is one of
• 1:32:46
  those models that there is nothing but gain when you use it
• 1:32:51
  and you practice it. There is no downside, there is
• 1:32:54
  no effort. It's really an awareness that
• 1:32:57
  allows us to communicate effectively.
• 1:32:59
  And so this is the one where I'm like, if there's anything, you
• 1:33:02
  have to practice this everywhere.
• 1:33:05
  And you can do this to yourself as well in both buckets.
• 1:33:08
  Where are you noticing yourself poopooing on your own dream?
• 1:33:10
  Where are you noticing yourself getting stuck in dreamer and
• 1:33:14
  never asking how could it be done?
• 1:33:15
  And it starts to bring to these awarenesses.
• 1:33:18
  That's something I just wanted to add that just light bulb for
• 1:33:20
  me as you were saying that is you can do this to yourself.
• 1:33:24
  So we did this with interactions with other people on your team.
• 1:33:28
  And we also obviously are looking at in the interactions
• 1:33:30
  of other people in your life. But there's also a tendency that
• 1:33:34
  like, for example, I'm thinking of that client that I had at
• 1:33:38
  your event and I, we are natural builders.
• 1:33:41
  So for just ourselves on our own, we're not interacting with
• 1:33:44
  anybody, we're not talking to anybody, we're just sitting on
• 1:33:47
  our own. We're just such a natural
• 1:33:48
  builder that we physically struggle to dream our own
• 1:33:52
  dreams. So I think there's also a lot of
• 1:33:53
  practice in the sense of yes, the awareness, but obviously
• 1:33:56
  just looking at your natural tendency with business or the
• 1:33:59
  way that you integrate day-to-day to say what's my
• 1:34:01
  dominant? And I actually thank you for
• 1:34:03
  saying that, honey. It leads me to another point.
• 1:34:07
  The second part of you being aware of this is flexing the
• 1:34:10
  other buckets. So whatever you are, let's say
• 1:34:15
  you're listening to this and you're like, and I know Kate's
• 1:34:17
  audience. You're all Kate, right?
• 1:34:20
  So many builders, right? I've met enough of you and I
• 1:34:23
  love you all. You're like my home girls and
• 1:34:25
  daughters and sisters, like I love you.
• 1:34:27
  But it's like build, build, build, build, build.
• 1:34:30
  And then I've asked this of people before and I was like,
• 1:34:33
  when was the last time you dreamed?
• 1:34:34
  And I've had a woman say to me when I was a little girl.
• 1:34:38
  And I'm like, then where are you going?
• 1:34:39
  Like, what are you doing this for, right?
• 1:34:42
  And so whatever that awareness that you have is, let's say
• 1:34:45
  you're a default dreamer or a default builder or default
• 1:34:48
  protector proactively as a part of your day, actually block it
• 1:34:54
  in your calendar once a week and give yourself 30 minutes to go
• 1:34:58
  sit in a field or sit by the river and let yourself dream.
• 1:35:01
  Put yourself in a state to dream and just allow yourself to sit
• 1:35:04
  there and think about all of it. What my life would look like,
• 1:35:07
  what my business could look like, what my day would look
• 1:35:09
  like, XYZ. But if you're a natural dreamer,
• 1:35:13
  you're going to do the opposite. Like you're going to go sit in
• 1:35:15
  front of a whiteboard or in front of a calendar or in front
• 1:35:18
  of something and for 30 minutes you're like, how could I build
• 1:35:21
  this dream I have right? And if you're the literally the
• 1:35:25
  like, I don't even want to put an adjective on it.
• 1:35:27
  But if you're the optimist, like beyond optimist that nothing
• 1:35:30
  could ever go wrong, right? Or that there's no resistance
• 1:35:34
  and I'm just going to manifest my way to everything amazing.
• 1:35:38
  I want you to set some time in your calendar.
• 1:35:40
  And I want you to audit. And I want you to audit from a
• 1:35:42
  place of love and protection. Like, hey, what are the blind
• 1:35:45
  spots I'm not seeing? Where do I see myself, you know,
• 1:35:47
  not doing XYZ. And I think you can apply this
• 1:35:50
  to every bucket of your life. It can be your business, it can
• 1:35:53
  be your habits, it can be your rituals, it can be your
• 1:35:56
  relationship, it can be your communication.
• 1:35:58
  But if you give yourself that space, I think you'll be
• 1:36:01
  pleasantly surprised at the clarity you get and how quickly
• 1:36:05
  you can make adjustments to bring all of them into
• 1:36:08
  alignment. I love it.
• 1:36:11
  I love it. You've got the framework, you've
• 1:36:14
  got the homework and I think now it's just go, which is like what
• 1:36:19
  George always we joke between us like 321-GO, like you just got,
• 1:36:22
  you just got a 321 and go integrate it.
• 1:36:23
  Now obviously this is something that you teach in coaching at
• 1:36:29
  events, retreats, all of it for anybody who potentially wants to
• 1:36:33
  learn just like more about this framework, but also like you
• 1:36:36
  guys know it. Hence why he's probably, I think
• 1:36:39
  the only guess that's come back multiple, multiple times.
• 1:36:42
  If someone wants to learn more about this framework, but also
• 1:36:44
  potentially other frameworks. And just truthfully to learn
• 1:36:47
  your brain and these examples, cuz I know that you know,
• 1:36:51
  knowing you and knowing your business and just all the places
• 1:36:54
  that you create content. This is something that, yes, I'm
• 1:36:57
  sure you probably at some point have a dedicated episode to.
• 1:37:00
  But I will say that through the way that you coach and the way
• 1:37:03
  that you just show up with people and that you facilitate,
• 1:37:06
  the thing that I love about your frameworks is they're so
• 1:37:09
  overlapping and across the board applicable.
• 1:37:12
  And so if someone wants to learn a little bit more just about
• 1:37:14
  your frameworks in addition to this one and the other types of
• 1:37:18
  models that you teach in coaching at retreats, all of
• 1:37:20
  that where is like the best place that you would want them
• 1:37:23
  to typically go consume you. Yeah, that's a great question.
• 1:37:26
  Truthfully, on Zoom with me so I can give you a cup of coffee and
• 1:37:29
  just help you. I make you earn it.
• 1:37:31
  But you know, to Kate's point and how she found me is I do
• 1:37:35
  have a podcast and I have a website that has everything on
• 1:37:39
  here. It's the pinkest website you'll
• 1:37:41
  ever see. It's my favorite color.
• 1:37:42
  I do have pink shoes on. If you're watching, they are.
• 1:37:47
  Always on. You're so flexible.
• 1:37:48
  Good for you. I know, honey, right?
• 1:37:49
  Yeah. I'm working on it.
• 1:37:51
  I'm staying limber at my young, young age.
• 1:37:53
  I'm gonna make this really, really easy.
• 1:37:55
  If you're afraid of me, that's OK.
• 1:37:57
  It happens, right? I'm just this Montana man that's
• 1:37:59
  squishy and cries a lot. You can just go to
• 1:38:01
  mindofgeorge.com. That's where the podcast is,
• 1:38:04
  That's where the link is to book a coffee chat with me.
• 1:38:06
  Just hit the apply with me. I don't care if you work with
• 1:38:08
  me. Just let me help you because I'd
• 1:38:09
  rather answer your question and give you frameworks and send you
• 1:38:12
  resources and get you on your way.
• 1:38:14
  If you're not, then just go to Instagram.
• 1:38:16
  It's George Bryant. I'm there.
• 1:38:18
  You can DM me, you can ask me any question you want.
• 1:38:20
  You can pressure test this. Kate knows this better than
• 1:38:23
  anybody. I authentically just want to
• 1:38:25
  help you. And so if I have a medicine
• 1:38:28
  cabinet full, which I do, I just need to have a short
• 1:38:31
  conversation with you and I will find the dosage and the
• 1:38:34
  medication and I will ship it your way and I will send it to
• 1:38:36
  you. And so that is the best place to
• 1:38:38
  get a hold of me. But ultimately, if I had my 1:00
• 1:38:41
  ask, it's that every single one of you that this resonated with
• 1:38:43
  you. Book a coffee, chat with me.
• 1:38:45
  I just want to have a 1520 minute conversation.
• 1:38:48
  I want to know you. I don't know about your
• 1:38:49
  business. I want to know who I can
• 1:38:50
  introduce you to, how I can help you, whatever that is like I
• 1:38:54
  would love the opportunity to service for you.
• 1:38:56
  Amazing. All righty.
• 1:38:58
  Well, you guys have your notes, you have your homework.
• 1:39:00
  And with that, thank you honey for coming on for the 4th, 5th
• 1:39:03
  time. I'll have to triple check how
• 1:39:04
  many times you've you've been here, but I think we're looking
• 1:39:07
  at about four or five right now. So thank you for today.
• 1:39:09
  Yeah, we just got to figure out a name for the series, like the
• 1:39:12
  Chaos Corner or something like that.
• 1:39:14
  Like we need, we need something. We need something over here
• 1:39:16
  like. Chaos Corner is very fitting, so
• 1:39:18
  maybe you guys can let us know. Shoot me a message on Instagram.
• 1:39:22
  What do we name these segments that you know exactly what
• 1:39:24
  you're coming to each each time you press play?
• 1:39:27
  With that being said, you guys, I will link all of George's info
• 1:39:29
  below. You know that obviously I talk
• 1:39:31
  about him a lot within the show, but also on social.
• 1:39:35
  We do a lot of stuff that's collaboration together.
• 1:39:37
  I facilitated his events, we've done events together.
• 1:39:39
  So if you are somebody who's just wanting to learn more of
• 1:39:42
  his genius and more of his stuff, I highly recommend
• 1:39:44
  listening to his podcast. Go check out his social.
• 1:39:46
  You will not be disappointed. With all that being said, I will
• 1:39:49
  see you on next week's episode and as always, stay ambitious.