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When You Get Involved With a Christian Narcissist, These 5 Signs Will Take Place... · Off The Kirb Ministries

0:00
Imagine this scenario. You and I are at a Christian
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conference. There are literally 10s of
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thousands of people in this room.
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Young, old. Some have had many boyfriends
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and girlfriends, some have been married for years.
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And then suddenly the speaker at the front asks a question.
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A very key. Question, he says.
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I want you to raise your hand right now if you've ever been in
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a relationship with a narcissist.
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I wonder how many people? In that room, do you think would
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raise their hand? I think it would be.
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Literally a vast majority. Would say yes, I know a
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narcissist or yes, I've been in a relationship with a narcissist
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and yet if you look at the. Statistics.
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There's. Actually, only 1 to 2% of
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narcissists out there in the world.
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Now I know exactly what some of you are thinking.
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Well, if they're narcissists, they're not going to go to the
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doctors and get diagnosed because they think there's
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nothing wrong with themselves. And of course there's truth in
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that. But the same time, I do think
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sometimes we can be. Quick to give people labels.
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So when I talk about these five traits of a narcissist in your
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life, or perhaps you yourself or a narcissist, I want you to know
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I am painting with A broad brush here.
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I'm not saying that this person has been diagnosed as this, but
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I'm saying these are traits that even every single one of us
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needs to be aware of. OK, if this is your first time
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on the channel, this is my cup of Joe.
1:16
Podcast where we're just. Dedicated to talking about the
1:19
Bible whilst having a cup of. Coffee.
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So if you're new here, just try it.
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Please just just try it for. Once get yourself a nice cup.
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Of coffee, a cup of. Tea.
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Maybe an ice cold? Beverage.
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And just have a drink with me. As we study the Bible, some
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scriptures. And we think about narcissism
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and sorry, just. To say as well, these people up
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here are people. Who've bought one of the mugs?
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I make no money from this, literally.
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It's just to cover the cost. And sort of there's a little
1:44
reminder because people are asking where do you get these
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from? When some friends of mine made
1:49
me one, they said I would like 1.
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So I thought in the end after going back and.
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Forth I thought right we'll. Let people have them if it's
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something they really want. And it's actually been a real
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encouragement, just seeing faces of people who watch the channel,
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because for me it's just a number on the screen.
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You're always seeing my ugly face all day long, so it's nice
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to. See your face so.
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Yeah, if you'd like that, buy one of the mugs and I will send
2:12
you an e-mail in a few weeks time and then we'll get your
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face on here if you want to send a.
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Picture of yourself. Drinking a nice cup.
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Of Joe. All right, the first sign of a
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Christian narcissist is they have an over.
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Inflated ego about their spiritual gifts they believe God
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has. Given them some of the greatest
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gifts and they. Believe that they should.
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Have a higher position in the church.
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They should have a higher. Position in life and God has
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given them their gifts and for some reason there are people who
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are blocking them from fulfilling God's calling on
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their life. You've ever met someone like
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that before? If you've got a Bible there,
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please would. You turn to Romans chapter 12
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and we're going to read. Verse 3.
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Romans 12 and verse 3. For by the grace.
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Given me, I say to everyone of. You.
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Do not think of yourself more highly than you.
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Ought but rather think of. Yourself with sober judgement in
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accordance with the faith. God has distributed to each of
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you so this. Particular verse is talking
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about. Faith but.
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In the same way God. Has distributed each of us with.
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Different gifts I don't have. All the spiritual gifts.
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And neither do you. There are gifts you have.
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That I don't have. And likewise, there might be
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gifts I've got that that you don't have.
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God has done it. Fairly so that none of us get.
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So puffed up because if any of. Us had all the gifts, if any of
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us. Was this?
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Super Christian. Suddenly we'd be trying to steal
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glory from the Lord God, and that's why it's.
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Good that we all have. Different roles, some have got a
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wonderful. Gift of hospitality.
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Some have a wonderful gift of encouragement.
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Some people have a great. Gift of speaking, some people
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singing, worship, some leadership.
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I'm a terrible leader, believe it or not, whenever.
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People think or because I. Preach.
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Put Joe in charge of doing some leadership.
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I panic. I'm terrible at ordering people
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around. I'm just like, would you like to
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do this A. Bit of a scaredy cat in that
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respect. We've all got different.
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Gifts haven't we? And yet some.
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People, there are people. Who think they've got them all?
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Or they think. The gift that they've got.
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Is greater than it is and that is why the.
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Church is. So, so important because the.
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Church has a way of. Filtering through these things,
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you know the. Bible talks about.
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There's wisdom to be found in many different councillors.
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If there's many people in the church, they will notice a gift.
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You mark my. Words.
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Sometimes it. Doesn't happen, but nine times
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out of 10 the church will notice it's a gift and they will put
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that person in a position because.
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They all have the same spirit, the Spirit of God.
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Sort of testifying that, yeah, this person has this.
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This ability to. Serve in a certain way.
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Let's use this person. I experienced this first hand in
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quite a negative way. I don't really like sharing
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negative stories and I don't want to ever seem like I'm
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gossiping, but I thought. This actually was a story.
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That maybe I should share. With you.
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When I was 232324 I was just starting out as an evangelist.
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I was. Shy, nervous, insecure and just
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really trying to make this job that I really wanted to do.
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I really wanted to be an evangelist.
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It was like my dream job when I became a Christian.
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And I remember there was an older man who joined the church
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who had been divorced at least once.
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It might have been twice. He's actually now what?
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People call a passport bro. He's living in the Philippines
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and I won't go into too many details, but anyway, this this
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man came along to me and. Said he'd he'd built a.
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Course for Evangelism. Now as an evangelist, I was
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working through my own sort of studies and studying myself how
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to become a better evangelist. But this man had just come along
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to the church. He'd never done any evangelism,
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and he'd written a course. He said no, I've.
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Never. He literally said it.
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In the in the opening paragraph of this course, no, I've never
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shared the gospel. No, I'm not an evangelist, but I
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do have a skill at writing courses so.
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I'd like to do this course and so it's like, OK.
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So we've got to be. Careful here.
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That it's not the blind leading the blind.
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I obviously didn't say that to him, but he'd written this
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course. A few months.
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Later, an older evangelist who'd been doing this for. 30 years.
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I'd been in touch with this man and I'd been working alongside
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him and some other evangelists and I'd invited him to come to
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the church and to do some training with the church and we
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were going to have a full. Day, what we called a gospel.
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Outreach Day where we went out and shared the gospel.
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So we've got this day. All planned and I've got this,
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you know. If you like this.
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Glittering evangelist come in. Who's had all of this
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experience? Who?
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Literally has LED. Hundreds, if not thousands.
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To the Lord Jesus Christ. And then this man comes from
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the. Church with his course.
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And he was fuming at me, just bearing in mind I'm just 2324
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years old, very, you know, not sure of myself.
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And he's literally shouting at me in the.
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Pews after church. Saying I am absolutely fuming.
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I am so angry that none of you have.
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Considered my course none of you have read.
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Through it, none of you, and you're inviting this evangelist
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and where's my course going to fit in on this day?
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Now, looking back, in hindsight, it was wrong with me.
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I should have looked at the course more and I should have,
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you know, at least addressed it. And because I was busy, I
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didn't. And you know, there isn't a
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great excuse for that. But this man was fuming.
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And then in my flesh what I did. Is I said right?
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If you're such a great. Evangelist, I'll tell you.
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What you'll do, what we'll. Do right now and the church was
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in a place that. Had sort of a shopping.
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Precinct, I said, let's go out onto the the street right now
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this second and you're going to go and share the gospel with
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people and I'll just shadow you. I'll stay in the background and
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you can teach me how to do it and the man said.
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Okay, I will. That's exactly what I'll do.
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He started to put his coat on, saw him on the other side of the
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room. And then just giving me.
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Daggers. He looked across.
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And said, you know what, I'm not.
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Playing your games, Joe I. Don't need to, I'm not doing it.
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And and he backed. Off so I was.
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Basically trying to call his. Bluff.
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But the point is this man's come back over the years as this
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YouTube channel's grown up and he's he's been trying to get in
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touch with the former pastor saying you need to.
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Tell Joe to to share. My channel across the world, you
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know and I. Literally said to the pastor.
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There was no one who was more critical of my ministry after a
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preacher sermon. He'd be saying this was wrong
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with it, this was wrong with it. This man was always belittling
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me, always putting me down, and now he wants me to share his
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channel across the Internet when I don't personally believe.
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He has got a. A gift in that way.
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So my point is this. Was this man a narcissist?
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I don't know, but I'm saying there are people out there and I
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could, I could name many other instances of people.
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Who believe they've got this gift, They believe they've got
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this ability. And yet when?
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You've got the church as a whole.
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They haven't noticed that ability.
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Maybe that's you. Maybe that's me in some spheres
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of life, and we need to just be aware that we should never see
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ourselves greater than we are, but we should.
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Have sober judgement, am I really?
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As good as I think I am. Am I really good at?
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Preaching am I? Am I?
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Really good at this service. Am I really good at this skill?
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Just sober judgement and. As my dad would say to me, keep
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your feet on the ground, Joe, because at times I can go over
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the top with my own, with my own imagination.
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Now, the second sign that you are dealing with a Christian
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narcissist is they have double standards.
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For instance, they might control you massively.
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They might say you can't go out. Some aren't even allowed to go
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to the shop on their own. They're not allowed to leave the
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house. They're not allowed to see their
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friends at night. They're very much controlled.
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But then the person in the relationship, for instance, they
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have all the freedom in the world.
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They can do whatever they want. They have double standards.
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They might do something like for instance, they might when you're
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raising children, they might use terrible language in front of
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the children all the time. And you do it once and then
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suddenly, how dare you do that? You're terrible.
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You're a terrible example. And yet you've they've done it
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1000 times. You see where I'm going with
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this? Jesus, actually.
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It'd be worth turning here. I'm not going to read a verse.
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To you but. It'd be worth turning there.
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Jesus told a parable of something kind of similar to
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this in in Matthew chapter. 18. Verses 21 to 30.
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Five if you'd like to to either pause the.
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Video and read it or I'm going to tell you what happened.
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So there was this servant. And he owed 10,000 bags of gold
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to his master. That's a lot of gold.
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And he couldn't pay it. And he went before his master
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and said I can't pay it. And his master said you need to
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pay it. And you just have to pay this
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money. If you if you do not, something
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serious is going to happen. I can't pay it, master.
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Right. Well, in that case.
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Take your wife, take your. Children, they're going to be
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sold so that in some way you can pay.
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Off this debt, the. Servant got down on his knees
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and begged and started crying. Please, please have mercy on me.
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I can't lose my wife and children.
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Please. And so the Master showed him
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mercy and. Do you know what he did?
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He decided to even. Cancel the debt, not say, OK,
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I'll give you some time to pay it off.
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He ripped the debt up. It was gone.
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Just a few moments. Later the.
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Servant was walking around and he notices another fellow
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servant, and this fellow servant owes him 100 silver coins, so
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we've got 10. 1000 bags of gold. And then we've got 100 silver
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coins. Not in the same comparison, is
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it really? And this servant says to the
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fellow servant, I want my money, give me the silver coins.
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And the servant says I can't, I can't pay it.
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No, you will give it to me. And he?
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Literally, the Bible says. He put his.
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Hands on him and started. You know, getting very.
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Physical with him you will. Pay this money and and the
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servant was pleading and. He couldn't.
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He couldn't pay it. So what did this?
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This servant who'd been forgiven, Do you know what?
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He did. He had this man thrown into
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prison until. He paid off the debt.
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Now that. Is very, very relatable.
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For many of us, we. Have some?
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Sins we see them as. Abhorrent, gross, terrible and.
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When we see people commit. Those sins, we we just.
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Say get rid of them, avoid them, get just.
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I don't want anything to do with those.
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People. And we write them off.
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And yet when we commit the same sins.
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We give it a green pass somehow, God.
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Hates this kind of hypocrisy. He hates double standards.
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And the narcissist will often find ways of bending the rules.
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You know, moving the goal. Posts, as we say over.
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Here in the UK, you know, in football.
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It's like you. You make the goal posts a bit
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wider so that you can score a goal.
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You know, it's moving things around to kind of make it fit
13:10
into your agenda. And that's exactly what the
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narcissist will do. Now before some of you might
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have been feeling like I was pointing the finger at that man
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at my church. And yeah, maybe I was and maybe
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I shouldn't do that. Just call me out on it.
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I'd love to hear your thoughts on on whether I should share.
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Stories like that, but I'm. Going to right now.
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Put myself out there because it's all very well.
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You know, before I judge anyone, I'll judge myself.
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I was terrible at this a few years ago.
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Again, I hope this doesn't sound boastful in any way, but back in
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2022, even 2023, I actually had technically the biggest
13:50
Christian YouTube channel in the world on my main channel off the
13:53
Curb Ministries. And again, I'm not saying that
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in any way to boast it was. All the Lord who did that, but
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we would literally. Every week on average, get.
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It was like 30 weeks where every video.
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Got over 1,000,000 views. We're just.
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Reaching so, so, so many people, and because of that, suddenly it
14:13
put a lot of attention on my channel.
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And other Christian Youtubers saw that I.
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Was getting success and decided, you know, I want a slice of this
14:22
pie. What's he doing?
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And they started copying various things, editing things that I
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did. Phrases that I used they would
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copy like. The thumbnails and titles,
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literally to the point some of them you couldn't tell the
14:35
difference between the channels. And again, as embarrassed as I
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am to admit. This I got really, really
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bitter. Really angry in my heart and
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again, this is I'm really not proud.
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Of this but I started. Reaching out to some of these
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and saying what are you doing? This isn't right.
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You know, you, you're doing all of this.
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And there was it really hit a climax.
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And yeah, it was, yeah. It was 2022, August 2022 or
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September 2022. This should have been the best
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week of my life. I was there with my wife and our
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little son at the time, and we were on the Isle of Lewis, as
15:12
some of you know, my favorite place in the entire.
15:14
World, it was a beautiful. Sunshine A.
15:16
Beautiful holiday and on that. Very.
15:19
Week. I reached a million subscribers
15:22
and instead of being happy and having fun with my my family
15:25
because I don't get much time holiday on vacation, I was
15:30
writing emails. To a particular YouTube who, if
15:33
you like, was. The worst dealing like, well,
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copying the the the the background music I used
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everything was the same and I was writing to him and it was.
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Yeah, I just had a horrible, horrible holiday because of.
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That and then Emma said something and the Lord actually
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led me to. This very passage I've just
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shared with you, It was like Joe.
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You're being a hypocrite when? You first started out on
16:00
YouTube. You copied people terribly.
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It used to take illustrations from pastors and give no credit.
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It used to take stories used to take.
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You know. Props that pastors would use and
16:12
you wouldn't give any credit. You can't talk at all.
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And even now to this day I will copy titles and thumbnails
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sometimes. So the point is this.
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We're all hypocrites. I actually hold my hand up and
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say I'm a bigger hypocrite than most people.
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And the Lord took me on a long, long journey and it took me
16:29
years to get to the point where it's like, no, we're all working
16:33
in the same vineyard. We're all on the same team.
16:36
We're all trying to. Reach this vast world of the
16:39
gospel. And we need all the help we can.
16:40
Get so. If you're a YouTube and you're
16:42
watching this now if you ever want to take anything of mine.
16:45
Please go feel free to do it because the Lord's healed that.
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Horrible simple side of me. Anyway, I just thought I needed
16:52
to share that with. You just to show that.
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I'm not saying I'm the guy who's got it all together.
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They can be narcissistic. Traits.
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In me of all people #3 I just want to tread very.
17:02
Carefully here because I. Actually think there's probably
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some people who are going through this right now and some
17:08
of you, you're married to this person.
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And yeah, I just want to tread carefully.
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And I want to say in my last video I made an apology because
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I made some comments. About divorce.
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And I didn't qualify enough and I just the biggest thing I want
17:26
to. Say if if you are.
17:27
Going through any marriage difficulties?
17:30
You need to bring in some elders at a church.
17:33
Marriage counselors you need external.
17:35
Help. I really do believe that.
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Because every situation is different and so I can't just
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say something on the Internet that applies to everyone.
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Because you have to. Literally meet with that person,
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untangle all of the stuff and and talk to them.
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But. Yeah, the third one, the. 3rd
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sign that you're dealing with a narcissist is they belittle you.
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Or they belittle. Or they.
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Call someone who doesn't agree with them, who doesn't bow down
18:01
to their agenda, who doesn't bow down to them that they, they
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call them all these nasty, horrible names.
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They they can be. Really.
18:07
Really. Mean some of them they'll.
18:09
Nag you they'll. Just nag you to pieces, male or
18:12
female, that that they'll nag you and and they'll be trying to
18:15
bring you down. So that you'll never leave.
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Them that's actually the goal of the narcissist to to to make you
18:22
not be on an equal plane, which we should all be in our
18:26
relationships. We should all we've.
18:28
All got different duties. Yes I do believe the man should
18:30
lead as the the husband but we're equal before the sight of
18:34
God. Man and woman is equal, but what
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the narcissist? Tries to do is sort of pat you
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down a few so that they're way ahead of you.
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And so that they can always get their.
18:42
Way. It's always about their way.
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And you'll often find the the trail that the narcissist.
18:49
Will leave is they're always falling out with people.
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There's always a problem with this friend.
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Or that friend. Or that.
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Person they work with. Or that couple they'll have.
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Many different friendships and at first when they're getting
19:01
all this attention, they'll love it and they'll think these are
19:03
the best. People ever they'll.
19:05
Even idolisation, you know, idolise them, they'll they'll
19:08
think they're great. But then when something happens
19:12
that challenges their behaviour or they're not suddenly getting
19:14
the attention they need, they'll ditch them.
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And that's. It they'll they'll call them.
19:19
Rotten The other thing as well in a relationship with a
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narcissist is very often they don't like it when you're too
19:26
happy. You might be watching something
19:28
like a film, or you might be watching like a video and you're
19:31
really laughing, really having a good time, and they come in and
19:34
they get angry at you. They're not happy that, you
19:37
know, you're having a good time, but on the flip side, they don't
19:39
want you to be like this pit of, you know, just wallowing in
19:43
sadness and they try and bring you out of that.
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So you do think they care about you in one sense, but.
19:48
They don't need to be too happy. And why is that?
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Because it's almost as if you're doing well without them, or they
19:55
want to keep you in this lower kind of sense of self.
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Which is very, very toxic. And So what would I say?
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If you are. Someone who is in this
20:05
relationship and there will be times where you want to
20:07
challenge this behaviour and, and sometimes you do challenge
20:12
it. You have conversations and then
20:14
they get angry. That is really one of the big
20:16
signs. They can get destructive.
20:17
They can be just, you know, the mask falls down and they can
20:21
just, you see a completely different side of them.
20:24
What does the Bible say? To do in these times.
20:27
What would I say to you if? You've got a narcissist and
20:31
they've. Gone from.
20:32
Belittling to literally blowing a.
20:34
Casket to just going. Crazy in your face.
20:37
Just turn to Proverbs 15 with me, Proverbs 15 and verse 18.
20:45
A hot tempered person. Stirs up conflict, but the.
20:49
One who is patient calms a quarrel.
20:54
Should I just read it one more time?
20:56
A hot. Person stirs up conflict, but
20:59
the one who is patient calms a quarrel.
21:03
You don't. That's a difficult verse, you.
21:05
Don't really want me to share that one with you, do you?
21:07
Because if they're the one who's in the wrong, they're shouting,
21:10
they're screaming, they're the one who should be dealt with and
21:15
yet what's the Bible saying here?
21:17
It's saying be patient. If you're patient, you will calm
21:21
the quarrel down and. The sad reality?
21:23
Is with this narcissist whether it's a friend.
21:27
A brother family member. Or even your spouse.
21:31
You are going to have to be the bigger person so much and the
21:34
reason why I say don't start shouting back and don't start
21:38
quarrelling. Back because it never works.
21:40
The the narcissist is never wrong.
21:42
And they'll just spiral more and more and they'll get even more,
21:46
you know, they might bring children in.
21:47
They might bring. Ways of sort of.
21:50
Muddying your name and they'll. Make threats, they'll do all.
21:53
Kinds of it. And it'll just get worse and
21:54
worse. And some of you from experience
21:57
know this the best thing. Is to to.
21:58
Try and be patient and to try and gently try and calm arm this
22:02
storm down now. Again, I really.
22:06
If there's someone who's stuck in this mess, I really want you
22:10
to talk to your church pastor. If you're not at a church, I
22:13
want you to find a local church. If there is no local church
22:17
nearby, I want you to to call up someone who the nearest church
22:22
nearby and say is there a? Pastor who could?
22:24
Come out and visit me. I'm not able to get out because
22:26
some people can't get to church. I know there's many people who
22:29
watch this. Podcast because of disability.
22:30
They can't. They can't can't get out of the.
22:32
House. Would there be someone who'd
22:34
just be willing to come and sit with me and talk this through
22:38
because you need help, You need support in this.
22:41
You shouldn't be trapped in this, this pain in this cycle of
22:45
of, you know. Where you have to.
22:47
Be a doormat and suddenly say everything they want.
22:49
To you to say just just so that. You know they don't break stuff
22:53
or that, you know, your life isn't a mess.
22:56
Yeah, this isn't an easy video to film.
22:58
I want you to know that. And again, I'm not pretending
23:03
I'm qualified to do this. I'm just an average Joe.
23:06
I'm just a street. Preacher, as you know, but I
23:08
felt that the Lord. Actually this very morning as I
23:11
was led in bed, this message came to me and I thought I need
23:14
to. Share this today.
23:15
So maybe it's going to help someone, maybe it's not helpful.
23:18
Let me know. Some of you have got real
23:20
experience with this and real wisdom and I'm always learning
23:23
from you. So please do write the comments
23:25
down because because I really do try and read as many of them and
23:29
as I said from the last comment on.
23:31
Divorce. It was very helpful to hear.
23:33
Someone who'd walk through this and it really challenged me.
23:36
So do do let me know your thoughts #4 they are vain.
23:40
They are. Superficial they're always
23:43
attracted to. Kind of cool people.
23:45
That's who they believe because they believe they're up here.
23:48
They believe they should be hanging around with high value
23:51
people, the the highest people in the world.
23:54
Because that's who is. In their.
23:56
League. And anyone who's below their
23:59
league, they don't have the time for them.
24:01
They're often quite, you know, into their appearance, even if
24:05
they're not actually the any oil painting, they really do spend a
24:09
lot of time in the mirror checking themselves out, you
24:11
know, moisturizing lots of makeup or whatever it is, doing
24:15
their hair, you know, working out that they're very much into
24:18
their appearance, you know, very vain.
24:22
And yeah, as I said, they don't want to.
24:23
Associate with with lower people.
24:26
And if you. You've got a Bible there.
24:27
Again, could you just? Turn to Luke.
24:30
Chapter 11 and verse 43. Luke 11 and verse 40.
24:38
Three, it says. Woe.
24:40
To you Pharisees, because you. Love the most important seats in
24:44
the synagogues and respectful greetings in the marketplaces.
24:49
Guys, this is crucial. The Pharisees, they always
24:53
wanted. The best seat they always
24:55
wanted. If there was the celebrities.
24:56
Of the day they'd want to be sitting next to them.
24:58
They wanted the best. That's what the narcissist is
25:00
like. These Pharisees, they were
25:02
likely. Many of them narcissistic in
25:04
their personalities and. We have to be so careful of
25:08
this. I noticed this again when I go
25:10
to Christian conferences. You see certain people and they.
25:14
Always. Sort of.
25:16
There's like a magnet towards the kind of big names, the
25:20
preachers, the. Speakers.
25:22
Those who? Are in charge of charities.
25:24
Those who? Run organisations the the the
25:27
missionaries who've done great things and.
25:29
They all sort of. Run in that direction, but then
25:32
you've got, you know, Bob from Bradford, which is, you know,
25:36
place in the north of England. Or you've got.
25:39
Paul from down South and he's not done anything that exciting,
25:42
but he's here and he and he wants to learn about Jesus or he
25:46
wants to serve the Lord. And they sit on their own and
25:48
they eat at mealtimes because no one wants to talk to them.
25:51
We have to be so careful of that at church.
25:54
When people are sat on their own, we need to make time for
25:57
who Jesus would make time for. That's what I read when I read
26:00
the parables. The Kingdom of heaven will be
26:02
full of the very. People who we least expect the
26:05
the people who aren't. You know, the ones with their
26:07
names and lights. It's the lowly that.
26:09
That Christ has the time for. I saw this just the.
26:12
Other week in a in a cafe and it broke my heart.
26:16
These weren't Christians as far as I know, but there was a
26:19
little. Old.
26:19
Lady and she was sat on this massive.
26:22
Table had about 12 chairs. On it, but the cafe was full.
26:27
It was the only. Table that was free and she sat
26:29
there on her own. I think she had a little little
26:32
Westy dog. A little dog.
26:35
And she must have been in her 80s and she's eating this soup,
26:38
you know, just skin and bones. And she sat there on her own.
26:41
And then suddenly a party of women who were probably in the
26:45
60s, fifties, they came because the only.
26:49
Table that was free was. That one with the old.
26:50
Lady. So they joined her.
26:53
And this. Little old lady, it was like it
26:55
was Christmas Day. She was so, so pleased they were
26:58
there. And she was talking away to them
27:01
and laughing and. And joking and there.
27:04
Was actually one of the women the youngest woman was actually
27:06
taking her on? Was actually in conversation
27:08
being really pleasant to her. But I saw the.
27:10
The other women, particularly the one who sat right next to
27:12
her, dolled up with her makeup, you know, probably had a bit of
27:16
money, you can imagine. And she just, she was just like
27:19
rolling her eyes, turning away. Her body language was away from
27:23
her. She didn't just didn't want to
27:25
engage with this woman woman at all.
27:27
And are we really that selfish that we can't just give up?
27:31
Half an hour. We can't give up half an hour.
27:34
Share a table. With someone who's who's going
27:35
to spend the rest of the week on their own, we need to make.
27:38
Sure, we do that as. Christians and I felt like I
27:41
thought. It'd be awkward at this.
27:43
Point but I was like. Come and sit with us, love.
27:45
Come and join our. Table with the the children if
27:47
you if you're happy to have screaming in your ears and I'm
27:50
sure they'll, they'll enjoy spending time with your dog.
27:53
But yeah, let's make sure we're not always wanting the higher
27:56
things in life and we make time. And yeah, we're not superficial.
28:01
That's what I'm trying to say. And lastly #5 which really just
28:04
comes off the back of #4 is this.
28:06
The narcissist has 0 empathy. They don't care about anyone but
28:12
themselves. As long as they're happy and
28:15
their needs are met, that's all that matters.
28:18
They have to be the centre of attention.
28:19
And sometimes there can be days. Where this is.
28:23
It really comes out quite strongly and and the mass falls
28:26
down and you. Really see their true, true
28:28
colours. For instance on a.
28:29
Birthday. You've been really excited.
28:32
It's your birthday. You know, only comes around once
28:34
a year and the day you know we're.
28:36
Not when we have our. Birthdays we're not being
28:38
egotistic when we expect it to be a nice day for us.
28:42
You know, it's just kind of an unwritten rule.
28:45
And yet on your very birthday, the narcissist can make it all
28:49
about them. They can make you cry on your
28:51
birthday. And again as I speak, maybe I'm
28:53
I'm. Speaking so directly that it's
28:55
hard for. Some of you to even listen to
28:57
this. Perhaps a narcissist in your
28:58
life has made you cry on your birthday.
29:00
Because it was all about them, all the attention.
29:03
Needs to be on them, and in Christianity this is very, very
29:09
worrying. Because if there is a.
29:12
Christian narcissist and is all they care about is themselves.
29:16
That's concerning because as Christians were.
29:20
Called to care about the lost, I mean.
29:23
All these millions and millions of people who are going to be
29:27
trapped in hell forever because they haven't come to.
29:30
The cross of Jesus Christ. Some of them haven't even heard
29:34
about Christ Jesus. They.
29:36
They don't know. The true gospel message.
29:38
That Jesus died on that. Cross for all of our.
29:40
Sins and now forgiveness. A new slate.
29:43
A new. Beginning is possible because
29:45
Christ shed his blood on that cross.
29:47
They they don't know that Christ has risen from the dead.
29:50
And this is the greatest news in the.
29:51
World that that we. Can have eternal life.
29:54
Because Christ is risen. And yet the the narcissist, even
29:59
though they themselves are saved, they.
30:00
They don't care. It doesn't bother.
30:02
Them they they make no. Effort to share the gospel.
30:05
They don't care about the poor that right now there.
30:07
Are brothers and sisters in Christ.
30:09
Around the world, who? Will not eat tonight.
30:12
Who are living in war-torn countries.
30:15
Who as they put their children to sleep, they they have to
30:18
somehow read a bedtime story to their children whilst missiles,
30:22
whilst loud bangs are going on in the background and yet you
30:27
and your safe place in the West you're putting your children
30:31
down to. Sleep and everything's safe and
30:33
everything. 'S nice and the narcissist
30:35
doesn't doesn't care. The narcissist, The person at
30:39
the church who has just. Got that life?
30:42
Changing news. Something that's could.
30:45
Be potentially the the ultimate. Price they'll be gone or.
30:48
Something that's going to absolutely destroy their quality
30:52
of life and is all they need to do is just remember them in.
30:55
Prayer. And yet they don't.
30:56
Because they're so concerned with their own needs, the
30:58
narcissist has no empathy. And really, it doesn't bother
31:01
them that the. Person might come up to them and
31:03
talk to them and. They'll say, oh, that's sad and
31:06
they'll pull all the right faces, but inside they, they,
31:09
they really don't care. They'll, they'll forgotten about
31:11
it and in five seconds time they'll be going back to, to
31:14
their own way. Now remember.
31:16
How I said at the beginning of the video, I'm going to use the
31:18
word narcissist loosely. I do wonder some of you
31:22
listening to this. You're not a narcissist, you
31:25
know. With all the traits with like if
31:28
it was a doctor sat before you, they'd.
31:30
Say you're not a narcissist, and yet I think every single one of
31:33
us probably can identify. With what I've just said, do we
31:37
really care about them, The poor?
31:39
As much as we should. Do we really care about the
31:42
lost? Even me as an evangelist.
31:45
Do I honestly care about them? I know I used.
31:47
To care much more than I do now, and I have to.
31:50
Really work on that to to get closer to the Lord again.
31:54
Do we care about those people in our church?
31:56
Who? Going through a terrible time
31:59
and yet if the narcissist or if any of us.
32:01
Were to go through that time and the.
32:03
People at the church. Didn't care about us.
32:05
We would be fuming, we'd be so upset and we'd say, well I've
32:08
seen my true friends now haven't I?
32:10
The second I got. Ill I realised.
32:12
Who my true friends were. Let me read a Bible verse to
32:15
you. Matthew 24, Matthew 24 and verse
32:24
12. So here Jesus is talking about
32:32
the end. Times the sign of the end of the
32:34
age and he says 1 of. The signs is this.
32:37
Because of the increase. Of wickedness the love of most
32:42
will grow cold or the the version we're used to is the
32:45
love of. Many will grow cold and that is
32:49
something. That will happen.
32:50
I do believe we're in the end times.
32:54
Some of you need to. Look.
32:56
Out for this this this book's going to come out very soon I've
32:58
written a book on the end times and as I'm going through all
33:02
these signs of the end times and different things, it really
33:06
looks like the world we're living in right now and so
33:10
something. That you and I have.
33:11
To be careful of. Even as Christians is.
33:14
Our love. You know, have we let too much?
33:17
Sin enter in have we become so selfish has social.
33:20
Media has our cushy nice lifestyles has.
33:24
Has that affected? Us so much, or because perhaps
33:26
we've been. Hurt we, we just.
33:28
Think well I can't trust. Anyone else?
33:29
I'm just going to look after myself.
33:31
We need to, we need to have empathy.
33:33
We need to have love. And if there's anyone who's
33:36
feeling like that right now, I'm going to pray in fact, and I
33:40
need to pray for myself. Will you just bow your head and
33:42
let's all just. Pray to the Lord for.
33:43
This. Father, we've talked about some
33:48
difficult things in this video. Very difficult things.
33:53
Some people are going. Through this right now with.
33:56
A family member, a friend, a spouse who is a narcissist and
34:01
they are struggling. Lord, I pray for.
34:04
This person. That there will be relief.
34:07
That this narcissist will be cured.
34:09
Of their narcissism. That they will.
34:10
Repent of their sin. And that there will.
34:14
Be a a healing. That will will take place.
34:16
Lord and I just pray. That you will be the comfort
34:19
that they need. Every day.
34:21
Every day will be difficult. Please draw close to them.
34:24
And please send them. People in their life.
34:26
Who can help them with this battle so they don't fight this
34:29
battle? Alone and Lord, I pray for any
34:33
of us who have been challenged. By this message challenged by
34:39
these words, if there are any narcissistic, selfish, prideful
34:44
things inside of our lives. Ugly things, Lord Pruners.
34:48
Cut it out, Help us to be more like Christ.
34:51
And I pray above all that our love would not grow cold, that
34:56
we would love people, that we would see others highly more so
35:01
than ourselves, that Christ would increase and we would
35:04
decrease. And that we would remember that
35:06
acronym of joy that. Jesus comes first, others next,
35:10
and then. Yourself, ourselves would come.
35:13
Last, that's the true way to joy, not putting.
35:16
Ourselves on a pedestal. And living for ourselves.
35:19
Please help us all help. Me to love more and help
35:23
everyone who's listening to this.
35:26
To just have a greater. Love and a greater desire to
35:28
serve you, for we are in dark days.
35:31
And we need to shine. As lights.
35:33
For the Lord Jesus Christ. Please hear these things in
35:36
Jesus name. Amen.
35:38
Now if you want to know the video that caused such a.
35:40
Stir such a commotion. On divorce and you do still have
35:43
coffee left in your pot, well. You've got a few minutes.
35:47
Go and check this video. Out here because I think you'll
35:49
find it challenging, but also hopefully very helpful.
35:53
God bless you all and thank you for watching.