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Why do narcissists treat you bad? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So why do narcissists treat you bad when all you try to do is
• 0:04
  love them? We all you try to do is be there
• 0:07
  for them. Why?
• 0:08
  They're so dead set on treating you horribly And why does it get
• 0:12
  worse every time you go back? That's crazy too.
• 0:14
  It's like I I expect you to change your behaviors.
• 0:17
  I come back and you treat me worse.
• 0:18
  Why do they do this? If you're new here, my name is
• 0:20
  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and
• 0:22
  welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
• 0:42
  Welcome back, folks. Welcome back.
• 0:43
  Welcome back, Welcome back. Yes, yes, yes.
• 0:45
  Narcissist. The people.
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  Why do they? That's just the question.
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  Put it like, put that in the in the rafters.
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  Why do they treat you badly? Why?
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  Why is it that narcissistic people tend to treat you badly
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  when all you try to do is love them, when all you all you want
• 1:03
  to do is be there for them? Why do they do this?
• 1:06
  There's a few different reasons why narcissists treat you bad,
• 1:08
  right? Sometimes they are literally
• 1:10
  just out of their minds. Let's get let's get that one out
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  the way first, right? Some of them have literally lost
• 1:17
  their damn minds and can't are literally out of control of all
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  them. They're all every single bit of
• 1:25
  their mental faculties. They're they have lost control
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  over, they have no control over themselves.
• 1:31
  They don't know how to act. They don't know how to behave.
• 1:34
  They don't know why they do what they do, right?
• 1:36
  So this is one of the reasons why like a lot of times, they
• 1:39
  will just treat you horribly because they simply do not know
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  how to act. I know that sounds super
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  simplistic, but that's the truth of it right there.
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  They just do not know how to behave.
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  They don't know how to be good people.
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  Like some of them will treat you badly because this is all they
• 1:57
  know. All they know is trauma.
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  All they know is abuse. They would, maybe they were
• 2:00
  raised in it, maybe they were born in it.
• 2:02
  Maybe they were forged in the sword by the sword of trauma and
• 2:06
  abuse, right? So some of them just treat you
• 2:08
  badly because they don't know any other way how to behave.
• 2:12
  And no, I'm not making excuses for their behavior.
• 2:15
  Y'all know I don't do that on this channel, right?
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  There are some narcissist channels out there that will
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  absolutely try to make excuses for narcissist behavior
• 2:22
  behaviors. But not I said not not I said
• 2:26
  the cat, not I said the cat. I will not be making excuses for
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  narcissistic people's behavior. I'm just giving you the
• 2:31
  reasoning behind some of it, right?
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  The reasoning behind some narcissistic people.
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  And that's what ends up happening.
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  So it's like some of them just simply do not know how to act.
• 2:42
  Again, that's not an excuse, but I would say this.
• 2:45
  Another reason why they treat you badly is because you're
• 2:47
  still with them and they think it's OK.
• 2:51
  This is yeah, And I'm being realistic with you.
• 2:55
  They use your presence, your presence in the relationship as
• 3:01
  a reason to treat you badly. They use your presence in the
• 3:06
  relationship in the space as a reason to treat you the way that
• 3:09
  they've been the reason to treat you the way they've been
• 3:12
  treating you. I, I've said this before, but a
• 3:15
  lot of narcissistic people truly have black and white thinking,
• 3:20
  right? They truly think in black in
• 3:22
  terms of black and white, all good or all bad, right?
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  A lot of narcissists think this way.
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  A lot of narcissistic people think in terms of is either all
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  good or all bad. There's no in between.
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  So think about it from that perspective right there.
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  It's either all good or all bad. So if you have that mentality,
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  if you have that mindset that as you continue to think about it,
• 3:45
  you'll realize it's like, OK, narcissistic people think this
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  way. They behave this way.
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  They treat me badly because I'm still with them.
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  They use your presence as a justification to keep doing the
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  same behaviors over and over again.
• 4:00
  And no, this is not me victim blaming.
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  This is just telling me, me trying to tell you that when you
• 4:04
  go back to them, when you stay with them through the abuse,
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  when you become a ride or die for them, they think it's OK to
• 4:11
  treat you a certain type of way. They were like, you know what?
• 4:15
  You stayed through the abuse, so you must be, you must be OK with
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  it, right? Because if I were getting
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  abused, if I were getting abused, if I were getting
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  treated badly, then I would leave the person.
• 4:30
  So you don't leave me. So it must be OK, right?
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  You must. You must not.
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  It must not be as bad as you're making it out to be.
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  Because you're still with me, right?
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  You're still connected to me. You're still with me.
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  You're still living with me, being with me.
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  You're still doing all of this stuff with me.
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  So it must be OK. You see how crazy those
• 4:50
  justifications are, how insane they sound?
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  Yes, they do sound insane. Yes, they do sound crazy because
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  they are, they absolutely are crazy.
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  They absolutely are insane. There's no justification
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  realistically to treat you badly other than they, they look at
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  you like, well, you still here with me, so you must be OK with
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  the behaviors, right? Like, and this is not me trying
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  to tell you. This is not me telling you to
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  get up and leave, right? This is not what I'm saying.
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  I'm not saying get up and leave. That's not what I'm saying at
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  all. I'm just saying that if you
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  stay, they're going to try to make it seem like you're OK with
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  it, and they'll tell you and something.
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  Yeah, some of them will tell you straight up, I thought you were
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  OK with it. I thought everything that I was
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  doing, I thought everything that I was doing was fine because you
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  didn't leave me. And you'll be like, what?
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  No. No rational person would think
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  this way. No rational person would think
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  that this behavior is OK. Yes, you're exactly right.
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  No rational person would think that it's OK.
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  But when you're dealing with a narcissistic person, were you
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  dealing with a narcissistic person rationale goes out the
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  door. Rational thinking goes out the
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  door. It really is.
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  It really does. So this is something you really
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  have to consider before you go look, ask yourself this question
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  right here. And, and y'all, this is not
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  again, this is not be victim by me because y'all, it takes on
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  average a victim on average at least seven times to leave an
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  abuser, at least seven times to leave for good, right?
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  So I understand that it might take you more than one time to
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  leave this toxic relationship. So just think about this before
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  you go back. Am I OK with the behaviors
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  because they think you are right.
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  They already think that you're OK with the behaviors.
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  So if I, if I think, if I think that you're OK with the
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  behaviors, I'm still going to do them right.
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  If I think that you're OK with how I'm treating you, I'm still
• 6:49
  going to do them. Matter of fact, I'm going to do
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  them more. Matter of fact, I'm going to get
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  worse with the behaviors because I think you're OK with it.
• 6:58
  Well, Lee, I'm not OK with it. I know you're not the mind of a
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  narcissist says you are the the mind of a narcissistic person
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  says you are OK because you're still here with me.
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  If it's so bad, you would leave me if, if it's so bad, if it's
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  this horrible, you would absolutely pack your stuff up
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  and leave because that's what I would do if I were getting
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  treated badly. That's the mindset right there.
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  They think you being with them is makes it OK.
• 7:32
  They think you coming back means you're definitely OK with it,
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  especially if I haven't changed my behaviors.
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  Yes, I might have promised to change.
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  Yes, I might have said I was going to do this.
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  Yes, I might have said that I was going to do that.
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  But I didn't do any of it and you still stay with me.
• 7:48
  None of that stuff. None of this stuff that I said I
• 7:50
  was going to do, I did. And you still stay with me.
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  None of the stuff that I said I would do, I wouldn't do, I
• 7:56
  didn't do, and you still came back to me.
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  So why would I change my behaviors now again, y'all, you
• 8:02
  have. This is the type of stuff that
• 8:04
  you have to think about when you're dealing with a
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  manipulative, abusive person because they're damn near almost
• 8:09
  always going to make it about them.
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  And let me say this as well. Sometimes narcissists do treat
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  you bad because you get like narcissists do treat you bad
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  because you yourself get like I said, narcissists treat you
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  badly because my mind just went blank right there for a second,
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  y'all, I ain't give me a chance to get it back, get my thoughts
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  back. Narcissists treat you badly
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  because you're getting too close to them.
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  My mind literally went blank y'all.
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  They do treat you badly because you're getting too close.
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  Self sabotage is a real thing, right?
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  Narcissists self sabotage all the time because they because
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  you're getting too close to them.
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  You're, like I said, like the feelings are getting too real.
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  They will disconnect right when the feelings are getting too
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  real for that narcissistic person, sometimes they will
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  absolutely start to disconnect from you because they don't feel
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  it's going to sound crazy. They don't feel safe around you
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  anymore. They feel safe around you when
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  you didn't know who they really were.
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  But now that you've gotten close to me, you know who I am.
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  I don't feel safe anymore because you can use this against
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  me. Well, Lee, why would they think
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  I'm going to use it against them?
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  Why would they think that? Because they would do it to you.
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  They think that you would use your stuff against them.
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  They think that you would use their vulnerability against them
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  because that's what they do to you.
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  That's literally what happens right there, right?
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  They think that your vulnerability will literally do.
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  Like I said, they think you will use their vulnerability against
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  them because that's what they would do to you.
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  They would use it against you. So it's just like, OK, I know I
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  think you're going to do this to me.
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  So I have to get away from you. I have to be, I have to protect
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  myself from you. I have to do this.
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  I have to do that. So that's big time when you're
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  dealing with a manipulative, abusive person.
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  That is literally what be going on.
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  I hate to say that y'all, because you're trying to heal,
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  you're trying to grow, you're trying to get away from this
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  person and all they're doing is being manipulative and abusive
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  and being horrible to you overall, which again, I know
• 10:23
  sucks right now. I which again, I do know sucks
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  so damn bad when you're dealing with an abusive person, when you
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  that's when you especially when you love the person, like you're
• 10:33
  just trying to love them and they just treating you.
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  You're just trying to love them and they're just doing horrible
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  stuff to you, right? They're doing horrible stuff to
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  you and that's what ends up keeping and that keeps happening
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  over and over and over again. So I say that to say this, y'all
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  protect your peace because most times, and I'll say this right
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  here, most times it does not get better.
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  Most times it absolutely positively does not get better
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  with narcissistic people. When you're dealing with an
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  abuser, when you're dealing with a manipulative manipulative,
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  when you're dealing with a manipulator, understand that it
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  does not get better overall because this is how the mind of
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  a narcissist works. This is what they will continue
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  to do over and over again. They think it's OK.
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  What I think about this right here.
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  Why would I change some behaviors that I think that you
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  are OK with, right? Why would I change behaviors
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  that it seems like you're cool with believe that that's make
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  any sense. Look, y'all, I'm just saying I'm
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  just telling you what I know, right?
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  I'm just telling you the stuff that I know.
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  I'm just telling you that they the things that work for
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  narcissistic people and whatnot, y'all.
• 11:48
  So anyways, let me hop off this thing I've been rattling on for
• 11:51
  too long and y'all know I don't like to rabble.
• 11:54
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• 11:56
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• 11:58
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• 12:00
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• 12:03
  Peace what up y'all what up? Before you leave make sure to
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• 12:08
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• 12:10
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• 12:22
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• 12:24
  later. Peace.