Latest / Unlocking The Paradigm Portal / You’re Not Missing Them — You’re Missing How Safe You Felt (Eclipse Edition)

Transcript

You’re Not Missing Them — You’re Missing How Safe You Felt (Eclipse Edition) · Unlocking The Paradigm Portal

• 0:00
  Hey, it's Sarah. If tonight hurts in that
• 0:04
  specific way, the way that makes you reach for your phone and
• 0:08
  then put it back down and then pick it up again, or if your
• 0:12
  mind keeps replaying memories that feel warmer than your
• 0:15
  current reality. If you're missing someone, even
• 0:19
  though you know logically that being with them didn't actually
• 0:23
  feel stable, I want you to hear this gently.
• 0:28
  You're not missing them. You're missing how safe you felt
• 0:32
  in the rare moments when they showed up fully.
• 0:35
  And that confusion can make you feel like you're losing your
• 0:38
  mind. But you're not.
• 0:40
  You're grieving and experienced, not a person.
• 0:44
  So tonight, just sit with me for a few minutes and imagine this
• 0:48
  as a small Lantern beside you. Steady light, no flickering, no
• 0:54
  unpredictability. Just consistent calm.
• 0:59
  Because inconsistent people create very powerful memories.
• 1:04
  Not because they loved you deeply, but because your nervous
• 1:07
  system learned to cling to the moments when the chaos stopped.
• 1:11
  And those moments felt like relief, like oxygen, like safety
• 1:16
  finally arriving. So your brain stored them as
• 1:20
  proof. See, it can be good, it can
• 1:22
  work. But glimmers are not patterns.
• 1:26
  Potential is not reality, and someone showing up once in a
• 1:31
  while is not the same thing as being safe to depend on.
• 1:36
  And when those moments disappear, it doesn't just feel
• 1:39
  like losing them, it feels like losing the only time you could
• 1:43
  exhale. So of course you miss that
• 1:46
  anybody would, and your mind fills in the gaps with what you
• 1:51
  hoped it could become. Not because you're naive, and
• 1:54
  not because you're weak, but because hope is what kept you
• 1:57
  there. Hope that the version of them
• 2:01
  you saw in flashes was the real 1, and hope that if you just
• 2:05
  held on long enough and loved hard enough and understood
• 2:10
  deeply enough, that version would stay.
• 2:14
  But the truth is that we have this eclipse going on on
• 2:19
  Tuesday, and that energy from that full moon, it's
• 2:24
  illuminating right now that consistency reveals reality, and
• 2:30
  inconsistency sustains fantasy. So you weren't holding on to
• 2:36
  them. You were holding on to the
• 2:38
  possibility that the safe version of them would finally
• 2:42
  become permanent and missing those moments.
• 2:46
  It doesn't mean you should go back.
• 2:49
  It doesn't mean you made the wrong choice.
• 2:51
  It doesn't mean you're not healing, it means your body
• 2:55
  remembers what relief felt like after walking on emotional egg
• 2:59
  shells, and your body remembers the nights you could finally
• 3:03
  sleep because things felt calm. And your body remembers the
• 3:07
  feeling of being chosen after feeling unsure for so long.
• 3:13
  And you are not weak for missing that.
• 3:15
  You're human for needing safety. The pain isn't proof that you
• 3:20
  need them, it's proof that you need stability.
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  And safety that depends on someone else's mood or
• 3:27
  availability or ability to regulate themselves was never
• 3:31
  something you could hold on to because it was never actually
• 3:34
  yours. Real safety doesn't disappear
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  overnight, and it doesn't make you anxious when your phone
• 3:41
  lights up, and it doesn't leave you scanning for signs that
• 3:44
  something is about to shift again.
• 3:47
  Real safety is steady, predictable, quiet, consistent.
• 3:54
  And tonight can be the beginning of building that inside
• 3:57
  yourself. And I don't mean in some big,
• 4:00
  dramatic way. It's small ways.
• 4:03
  It's breathing slower. It's speaking to yourself
• 4:06
  gently. It's letting the silence exist
• 4:10
  without filling it with memories.
• 4:13
  Because your nervous system can learn a new definition of safe,
• 4:17
  one that doesn't depend on someone unpredictable, one where
• 4:21
  you define your own safety. So these eclipses that we have
• 4:29
  it, they bring things into the light that we could ignore
• 4:32
  before. And it's not to punish you, it's
• 4:34
  to free you. And tonight isn't asking you to
• 4:38
  stop caring. It's asking you to stop
• 4:40
  confusing intensity with safety and to stop mistaking longing
• 4:46
  for love, and to stop calling inconsistency chemistry.
• 4:52
  You don't have to erase the memories, you just don't have to
• 4:56
  keep living inside of them. So if you feel the urge to reach
• 5:01
  out tonight, just pause. Pause and put your hand on your
• 5:04
  chest and feel that steady rhythm of your heart that that
• 5:10
  is safety right there, not dependent on anyone else.
• 5:15
  It is unconditional, it is permanent, and you were giving
• 5:20
  yourself what you kept hoping they would provide.
• 5:25
  And that doesn't make the law smaller, but it makes you
• 5:28
  stronger than you realize. And I'm really glad that you're
• 5:33
  here with me tonight. You didn't have to face this
• 5:36
  feeling alone, even if it felt like you were.
• 5:40
  And I want you to imagine that I'm leaving this Lantern beside
• 5:44
  you when this ends, not as something you rely on, but just
• 5:48
  as a gentle reminder. It's a reminder of your light,
• 5:52
  your gifts in your capacity for real, steady love.
• 5:58
  It's a reminder that the world needs what you carry, not the
• 6:02
  version of you that had to shrink to survive someone else's
• 6:05
  inconsistency. And most of all, it's a reminder
• 6:10
  that you are never alone. Not tonight, not in this moment,
• 6:15
  and not in the process of becoming someone who no longer
• 6:19
  has to chase safety. You deserve peace that stays,
• 6:25
  and I'll be right here whenever you need a little light.
• 6:29
  I so deeply appreciate you joining me tonight.
• 6:33
  Try to get some rest.