Latest / Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor / What role does closure play in moving on?

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What role does closure play in moving on? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Ending a friendship can be genuinely painful, sometimes as much as a romantic breakup, yet it often goes unacknowledged in the same way.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: And when a friendship comes to an end, it's natural to look for closure, some kind of resolution, or just understanding that helps you make sense of what happened and feel able to move on.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: But closure in friendships is complicated and it doesn't always arrive in the way we can hope.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: And closure is often thought of as something that comes from the other person, whether it's a final conversation, an explanation, or an apology.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes that does happen and it does help, but it's worth knowing that closure is also something you can find within yourself, even when the other person isn't willing or available to give it to you.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: And part of what makes the end of a friendship hard to move on from is that it can leave a lot of unanswered questions.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Your mind can get stuck with playing conversations, looking for clues about what went wrong, and that's a very normal response, as it's your brain trying to make sense of something that feels unresolved.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: And one shift that can help is moving from looking for an explanation to allowing yourself to grieve the loss.
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  SPEAKER_00: The friendship mattered, and that's why it hurts.
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  SPEAKER_00: And so giving yourself permission to feel that grief rather than pushing it away or minimizing it is actually a big part of what moving on looks like.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: And there are a few practical things that can support this process.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: So writing a letter you don't send can be a really useful way to say what you need to say without needing the other person to receive it, as it gives you somewhere to put your feelings and can bring a surprising sense of release.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: It also helps to reflect honestly about the friendship, so acknowledging what was good about it as well as what wasn't working can help give you a more balanced picture and make it easier to carry it forward without bitterness.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: And if there is an opportunity to have a final conversation and you want one, then go on with honesty but also with realistic expectations, as the goal is just to express how you feel and not necessarily to reach an agreement.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: And try to stay connected to other people in your life, so the end of a friendship can feel isolating, especially if there are mutual friends involved, so leaning into other relationships even gently can remind you that connection is still available to you.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: If the end of a friendship is significantly affecting your mood, your sleep, your confidence, or your day-to-day functioning over a sustained period, then it is worth taking seriously.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: And your GP is a good first point of contact as they can refer you onto talking therapy if needed, as a therapist can give you supportive space to process grief that feels stuck, including the kindness and come with much social recognition.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: And for more on this, the app has resources around ending friendships, and if you are thinking about harming yourself and feeling safe, then please seek urgent help by contacting your local emergency services or a crisis helpline.