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Our IVF Struggles With Parenthood & Marriage + Everything We Did To Have Our Daughter · Bussin' With The Boys

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: All right, welcome to another special episode, a bonus episode
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: of Busting with the Boys. We have Mother's Day weekend
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: ahead of us. First of all, Happy Mother's Day. Shout
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: out to all the wonderful mothers out there. For this
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: special episode, I have my wife, Charle Coompton on the
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: backbone of our family the MVP. My wife is a badass.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: I thought it'd be fun to have her on. We've
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: been wanting to do this podcast for a while to
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: kind of talk about the fertility journey our second child, Scottie.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: She went through IVF and everything else and it feels
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: very taboo to talk about IVF, and we thought it'd
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: be fun. I had the dragger get her on the bus.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: I know we're both nervous about doing this episode. We
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: got our boy Mitch in the back swinging the camera,
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: so Mitchie will be talking to you a lot. But yeah,
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: my wife again a badass. She is a business owner.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: She owns the Bar three studios here in local Nashville.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: So if you're somebody in the fitness you want to
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: sweat a little bit, my wife runs the Bar three
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: studios here, so she's a business owner. She is a
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: full time mother of course. We have two beautiful girls,
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: Cerulian Bell and Scotti Jolie Rue. She is three years
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: old currently, Scottie, she is going on on six months,
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: and we thought this episode would be fun, would be important.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: I thought it'd be cool to highlight my wife and
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: her the IVF journey that we you went through, because
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: I know there are a lot of couples out there
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: that kind of struggle in silence. I know there are
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: a lot of women that love to gravitate towards podcasts
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: and listen to other women on other shows kind of
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: talk about the journey, and even men out there, like
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: you know, I know women go through the brunt and everything,
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: but trying to be a supportive dad, trying to be
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: a supportive husband, I know there's lonely feelings of time
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: and struggles that everybody kind of has in the process.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: So this episode is a lot different. Not a lot
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: of football talk, not a lot of ball talk. Yeah,
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: did I miss anything in that introduction?
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: I don't think so. Think you covered it. That was great.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: Why for you do you feel like this episode would
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: be important for women, because I know gravitating towards pods
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: was something that was gravitating towards pods was something that
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: you kind of did in the IVF process.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly when I was kind of the height of everything.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: And we'll talk more about this later. I feel like
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: a lot, but I was just so in my head
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: about all of it. I had so many questions and
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: I really just wanted to understand what was about to
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: happen and what we were choosing in this whole thing.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: And I really turned to podcasts to listen to to
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: make me feel less lonely. And it's just so interesting
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: because I didn't really know a lot about IVF and
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: infertility until it started happening to me. And I do
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: find that that is probably similar for most people who
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: have not gone through it or about to go through it.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: It's like you just don't know what you don't know.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: So listening to conversations and people's real experiences, not only
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: do they give you information and they also make you
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: feel less alone, but they also kind of provide a
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: lot of hope. So maybe this podcast is falling for
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: someone right now at a place or a time where
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: they need hope in going through the journey, because it
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: can be a long one, it can be a hard one. Yeah, mumped. Yeah, thanks, baby.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Let's brief people on our fertility process thus far, like
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: becoming parents, like Rue, she was dialed in Honeymoon Baby.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: Your boy was out there hitting a homer right out
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: of the gate. We had Rue easy. The pregnancy, the delivery.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: I know, I've talked about it on whenever Ru was
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: born and I became a dad like you, having to
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: go through forty plus hours of labor, having a birth plan,
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: all of it, basically going to shit, not wanting what's
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: the the epidural? You ended up having to get in
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: three EPI durals. On the second one they miss.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: The first one.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: I'm snoozing on the couch during one we had our
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: duel with us. I'm snooze on the couch and kind
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: of wake up. You were screaming and yelling. I'm like,
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: what happened? I thought we had the epidural. We were
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: gonna fall asleep. We're gonna kind of take a nap.
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: It's so fun then to look back, y'all.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: Now, Yeah, when you we're at what like you were
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: dilated like four?
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: No, I mean I never really got past six. Yeah,
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: six or seven. That was the farthest I got after
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: like forty six hours.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: So and eventually, yeah, eventually we had a section a
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: forty something hours.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, like little recap of Ru's birth or
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: Ru's pregnancy. I feel like it was yeah, really quick, easy,
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: like honeymoon again. Like I think we both went into
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: it like this could take a while and lo and behold,
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: it took no time at all. So like that's like
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: we're just so lucky. And then the pregnancy was a
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: lot because I guess this is important too for like
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: the infertility, like talk like during my first pregnancy, I
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: had this cyst and it was a benign cyst and
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: I've had it since I was born. It's called a dermoid,
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: but it essentially grew and got kind of twisted around
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: my Filippian two is my ovary during my pregnancy because
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: like everything's changing around in there. So right at about
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: twelve or thirteen weeks, I started having this really terrible
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: pain and I would just be like buckled over and
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: I like couldn't breathe and move, and I was like
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: are you good, Like no, I'm not, okay, would act
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: and he's like down playing my pain, and I'm.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: Like okay, Maybe I would be like starting to clean
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: up the house, to do the dishes, and all of
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: a sudden, she wants to get sideline. Let's get you
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: to the couch. And I'm thinking to myself, like.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: Are you likely have very low tolerance for pain? Like
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: I do? I'm going to say that from the beginning. So,
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: but it's really hurt a lot. And I actually texted
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: my friends about I'm like, is this normal? Like what
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: is this?
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: Like?
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: Oh, maybe it's a realm ligament pain. It's gonna be gas.
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, we might have some TMI moments in
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: this podcast and that's cool, right, yeah, yeah, But I'm
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: like I don't really think it's either of those things.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: So I ended up going in for my second, like
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: one of my scheduled appointments anyway, and she's like, oh, yeah,
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: you have as cyst. It's wrapped. I would suggest surgery,
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, oh my gosh. We I've literally never
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: had surgery in my whole life. So we kind of
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: weigh our options. She's like, you could just let it
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: grow and let it be there. It would continue to
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: cause you pain. It could potentially result in torsion, which
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: is like when it gets like even more wrapped and
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: causes like a rupture of the ovary and like that's
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: even worse. That's like, you know, an emerchant surgery. So
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: Will and I like went home or like should we
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: have the surgery like while roue or sorry while our
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: baby is like in there? And you had an opportunity
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: to go play for the Falcons.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: That was when yeah, no, no, this Rue was born
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: in April.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: He went to Atlanta and they but this is this
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: is October September of twenty twenty one, and you kind
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: of decline Authur's Arthur's ask to come play, right, You're like,
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: I'll come next week because my my wife's gonna have
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: the surgery. Remember that.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah that was Atlanta. Yeah that was that year. Yeah, yeah, Atlanta.
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: And then end up not working out Atlanta because that was.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: And then I ended up going to Vegas that year
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: because you're pregnant with Rue when I was in Vegas,
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: that's right, yeah right, I had to push off that.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because you're like, I think I really need to
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: be home for my wife for the surgery.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: She's gonna have, because they were like you got to
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: be bedside for a certain a mount.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So they end up doing this laparscopic surgery and
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: laparscopic is when they like go in like two little
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: tiny ones as like cameras and one bigger one to
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: like remove the cyst. And they ended up having to
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: take out my cyst and my ovary in my philippia tube. So,
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: you know, when I emerge from surgery and I'm like
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: so groggy, and they kind of gave them the update,
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, oh my gosh, will this affect my
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: ability to get pregnant in the future, And right away
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: her answer was no, So like I didn't think anything
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: of it because you know, she was like no, She's like,
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: this ovary probably hasn't been working for a long time anyway,
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: so you're gonna be great. You're fine, And so I'm like, okay, great,
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: love that answer for me obviously, like you know, knowing
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: what I know now, like it's just I guess it's
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: kind of fifty to fifty shot, like both ovaries firing equally.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: But even when it comes to like the retrievals and
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: all the things with IBF, like the more you get,
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: the more eggs you get, like the better chances you
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: are because there's so much attrition. So anyway, it clearly
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: affected our ability to get pregnant, in addition to like
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: tons of other things. But that was like during my
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: first pregnancy, I had this surgery at fifteen weeks. The
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: baby was fine, but I, like, you know, was pretty immobile,
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: couldn't It was like recovery. It was really like a
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: week or two. But then I had that terrible what
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: was it? It was like a UTI that sent me
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: to the er and you also weren't there, shout out
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: Dobson's wife.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that was when I was out of town. She
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: like couldn't walk.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was really bad.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: It was I'm out of town doing something for bus,
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: and I remember hitting up Dobson like, hey, bro, like,
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: could you or your wife like go help Charle like
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: pick her up and take her to the er because
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: it was it was kind of like a panning mode.
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: Well because ugis can result in kidney infections, so also
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: I did not know that, but it was from the
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: surgery and like the catheter and like all this crazy
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: crazy stuff. So like finally eventually made it past that,
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: and then we lost your mom and then you went
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: to Vegas or all kind of in the same moment.
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: And then I also had like a big thing happened
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: with my family that was really hard around Thanksgiving, So
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: that was like an emotional and then we moved. Yeah,
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: and then we was born, so what of pregnancy? Yeah,
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: and then it was yeah, forty six hours of labor,
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: elective sea section, and then it was in the Nike.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: You remember when I was trying to keep you in
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: the trenches for oh my gosh, I went to the
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: sea section. Honestly, at husband Ell, I.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: Feel like, but you thought it was a w and
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: you thought you were doing the right thing, like you
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: said birth plan, it really was more like a birth
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: like I don't know, a guide.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like what you want to learn about the birth.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: It's like you like for us, I know we're both
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: kind of like type A. You like having planes in place,
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: but you also understand that a plan can go to shit,
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: and if it does, it's like, okay, well, at least
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: we know that we're trying to do these options first
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: before we have to go to before we have to
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: pivot to the next thing. And legitimately, the entire birth
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: plane basically like went to shit because it was like
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: forty something hours forty something hours of labor and I
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: want to say she sat at like four centimeters four hours,
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: like it would never move, and we're doing all these
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: different things like you know, accelerate the delivery.
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: And then it goes because I really wanted a natural birth.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: I really wanted for the most part, like you know,
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: I was trying to be like really connected to my
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: body and have this like magical moment and we got
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: none of that.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and then they yeah. And then after the three
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: epidurals and everything else, it's.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: Like we're in there, and then oh my gosh, yes, the.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: Thought of C section comes up. We've been in the
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: hospital at this point for We're going on two days.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: Like people had like you were texting my friend Susan,
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: You're texting all of my girlfriends, which I feel like
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: is so like unusual. Will had a great chat with
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: all of my girlfriends, going like literally updating them like
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: play by play. I'm like, I don't think I've ever
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: received this from any of my friend's husbands or partners
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: in my life. But they're like literally like on a
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: weekend trip, they left for the trip, I'm in the hospital.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: They get back from their trip and I'm still in
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: the hospital. So it was a very long.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: Taylor leaves to him and Tailor and go like the
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: Arizona and they're like, oh, we're going to get to
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: come back, like Ru's going to be here, and we
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: get to we get to meet Ru, and they come
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: back and we're still in it. So they just come
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: and deliver some food for us. Uh, give us some dinner, yea, yeah,
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: but we're still in it. I don't know. I don't
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: know when this is gonna happen.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: Because I mean I wanted, like, you know, no induction,
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: no epidural, no like real assistance other than like we
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: did break my water, which I think was really glad.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: I'm glad that we did because then we could see
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: there was maconium in the amnio emiotic fluid, which is like,
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: if you don't want to maconium is it's like the
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: poop that the baby has when they're in the womb,
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: which is crazy. I mean, Ru was forty one week,
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: so she was like past term already, but that was
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: like why the nurses were on standby, and she did
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: end up having to go the Nike you for the
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: maconium in her lungs, which was also kind of scary
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: because we're like Why is there baby not here anymore?
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: Why did they take her away? But yeah, it's like
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: finally we get to this point where I'm like, I
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: don't know if I can do this anymore because I
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: have the labor shakes. I'm like getting pumped up with
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: like not only like the drugs of the abidural and
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: the like potocin to like keep the contractions going, but
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: also now I have like antibiotics because I have all
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: these like white blood cell hYP is it red blood
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: cells or white blood cells?
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: I think it's okay.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: High white bloods, Yeah, either one. All these things in
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: my body that I don't want. I haven't eaten, I
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: haven't slept. It's like exhausting, and it's like I don't know.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: I'm like, could I have done this differently? Could I
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: have Just like I don't know what I've could have
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: done for like, but in the end, I was like,
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: I think I need to have a sea section. And
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: so like all of the nurses and doctors leave and
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: will and I are like should we deliver this baby
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: by sea section?
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: Well?
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: I was like, this is not what you wanted. You
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: don't want this. I don't think you should do it.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: It kind of He's like, he goes, he goes. It
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: kind of feels like you're giving up.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: And I was like, hey, gentlemen, men, don't ever say
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: that your wife is in the process of delivery.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: Baby forty six hours. And he's like, kind of feels
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: like you're giving up. And I'm like, you know what,
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: I don't give a fuck. I am giving up. And
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: we were going to get this baby out in forty
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: five minutes, which is what we did. And I was
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: like crying. I was like so sad. I was like,
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: really sad that you were disappointed in me in those
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: in that in that moment, and I hate.
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: This because this is true. I felt like shit. I
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: thought in my brain I was doing the right thing.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to give her like these football less styles, and.
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: You know, we were trying to have like a code
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: word with a doula, you know what I mean, like
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: code word, like devate code word. I actually don't want
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: this anymore. This is the code word. And I think
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: I had said it like sixty five times at that point.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, not by mess mom.
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: Are you disappointed in me?
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: No? No, no, no, no no. Once I come out
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: of it and gain hey, listen, I know you're laboring
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: for forty plus hours. I'm also on the couch for
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: forty something hours. Shout out the men who have to
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: lay on that couch and sleep on that couch. So
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: I'm sure I was getting a little delusional. I was like,
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: letting my emotions get the best of me, but your
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: reaction zooming out of it. I fucked up by saying that,
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: And no, I did not think that. Like again, you
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: were You see all these shit happening, and it's you
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: doing it Like I'm fucking I'm subbing in with the duela.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, I'll do the pressing, I'll do the handholding,
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: I'll do all this.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: I fall asleep, can help you took.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: Let's not let you know, let's not fool with the
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: audience now, like maybe one nap, I mean maybe a
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: couple I did thy. Yeah, anytime the duel was the
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: duel is turned to go up, I'm like, let me
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: see if I can sneak on here. As long as
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: nothing's not you know, nothing's not elevated to the height
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: of the pain that she was going through.
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: That was fun. We survived.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: We survived. Rue. She's a she's a champ. She is
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: a she's a stud, she was healthy, all of that stuff. Yeah,
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: we were in the nick you for what a week.
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: That was a really hard week. Yeah for me personally.
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: I don't know if it was hard for you, but
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: it was hard for me.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, you know the fellas we go through
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: it too.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: Just to I think you're literally just here at work
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: just saying it out doing podcasts and I'm like literally
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: like in this like useless state. I've already taken my
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: attorney leave. I'm sitting at home. I have nothing to do.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: I've just given birth, I'm recovering from a c section,
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: and I have no baby, i have no purpose I
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: have Like, it was it.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: Was really hard how whatever. I will say that that
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: was like shitty. And we also got to sleep and
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: you're almost preparing for your baby to come home, versus
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: like you have the baby and you basically leave the
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: hospital whenever you're allowed to leave the hospital, because that's
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: kind of how it was with Scottie. So we did
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: get to sleep, Yeah, and then you just take we
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: just take visits to the hospital.
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: And then it just make her like when she got
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: to come home like that much more, which was like
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: a moment.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so jumping ahead now, like getting to the second one.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: Whenever we figured out like we wanted to have a
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: second child, we're ready to have a second child. You know,
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: we're as a as a male out there, you're kind
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: of just used, like how your wife wants to use
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: you to like, hey, ovulation's happening, I need you now.
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: It is kind of sad how like sex, like when
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: you're trying to get pregnant, Like it's not like like
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: what it used to be. It like turns into this like.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: More system and yes, it's.
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: It's kind of sucks. Like I don't obviously the first
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: field to feel that, but yeah, like I definitely felt that,
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: like the far that we got along to like we
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: weren't getting pregnant, and it just was like right in
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: the secondimulating it's time.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: And the second time we're going through we think it's
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: gonna you know, kind of we're very aware that how
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: hard it is to get pregnant because a lot of
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: people do have different journeys and it takes a while
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: and it's not as easy as as it seems like
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: it's going to be. But for us kind of having rue,
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: you did have that cyst. You did have that surgery
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: to remove the cysts, but I would say that we
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: still felt optimistic, going, hey, we're ready to have a
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: second child. You know, I'm in there, I'm dropping Semen
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: Semen Team six over and over just thinking like this
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: is going to land. I'm hunting for the boy. I'm
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: trying to go get. I'm trying to go after and.
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: Get the your metaphors because also you're like saying these
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: things and it's like none of this isn't our control. Yeah,
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: it's like we think we're doing things that are like
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: making our odds better, but like are we Like I
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: felt like I was like doing all the right stuff
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: with the prenatals and when I was eating and how
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: I was moving, and none of that stuff really mattered.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: I don't know, Yeah, because I stopped doing like the
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: sauna because I'm starting to look into things like what
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: could be hurting my sperm and so I'm like getting
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: off everything that can kind of like hurt your sperm
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: with like heat and whatever it is. And at what
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: point do you feel like, hey, we need to start
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: working with like a fertility doctor, because you started to
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: get pretty stressed, like again, not talking about like how
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: old you are, we can being thirty five. You started
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: to get a little impatient and stressed out over the
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: female time clock of like having a kid, to where
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: I'm sitting there maybe a little bit more optimistic, like Okay,
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: hey we got lucky on the first one. We just
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: got to keep trying, like month after month, like we'll
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: just keep We'll just keep kind of chugging along, We'll
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: keep doing our thing. And then you start to get
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: stressed out to where then it's like, hey, let's go
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: get tested, like maybe it's me, Like maybe it's like
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: I don't know how many tests you even had to
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: do outside of like yeah, yeah, you got blood work done,
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: but we had the system overything, and I'm thinking, what
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: if it's me and my sperm? So I'm going in
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: and getting tested jerking off in a cup, which is
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: a wild experience.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: Are their magazines in there or they just give you
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: like a like a porns.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: I mean, I just truth be told, I just pulled
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: out my phone and just did my own work, and
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: they give you they give you some lube. But I'm
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: a noe gear type of guy. I don't want to
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: use gear. I like going after it just me and
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: my hand. Yeah, and then you kind of just you
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: kind of do your thing in the cup. You put
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: the cup in this little mailbox that's built in the wall,
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: and then I leave the room, and you're kind of
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: like walking around the halls, and then you come across
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: one of the one of the nurses, and you kind
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: of have like, hey, so do I just do I
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: Am I good to go? Do I leave? Do I
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: gotta check in with anybody to check out?
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: I think you literally just left and didn't say anything
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: to anybody the second third time.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: I did do that because I had to do it
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: a few different times, which we'll get into with the
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: IVF process. But I'm getting tested. We're all testing blood work,
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: sperm count. I see my volume's great. My guys are
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: they're they're hunters. Yeah, I got some dogs in the
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: a gap.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: I think we are both surprised by like the quality
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: of your sperm, yes, because you had always talked about
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: like your testouts run being low. Yeah, so we're like, okay,
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: maybe the problem is you.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: But then should not be the word, and it still wasn't.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: It wasn't working. So then we start working with the
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: fertility doctor.
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: Well, kind of yeah. I mean if we like back
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: up a little bit, you know how that like maybe
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: women anyone woman who's listening, a mom who's listening at
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: the like you're a six week post birth checkup, they're
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: like make sure. They're like asking about abstinence. You're like,
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: are you guys, like how are you going to protect
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: from having a baby, you know, going forward? Are you
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: gonna do condoms? Are you gonna get on birth control?
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: And it's like whoa, And then they're like make sure
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: if you're gonna get pregnant and you wait a year,
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: so they tell you they they say, you wait a year.
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: So that is kind of what we had in our minds.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: We were like, well, let's wait a year. Who was
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: born in April? So I think we started kind of
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: trying again, like February March, and you know, at this point,
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: I'm thirty five. Who was born when I was thirty three?
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: And I'm thirty five, So like biological eighty if you
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: like literally just do a Google search. They're like, if
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: you're under the age of thirty, wait a year of
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: trying before reaching out out for help. And if you're
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: like over the age of thirty or maybe like thirty
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: two then only wait six months before reaching out for help.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: So we started trying and like, I don't know, March,
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: and then we eventually reached the point where we reached
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: out for help in like October or November, because our
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: first fertility like at the fertility clinic appointment was that
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: wasn't like November November, and that's when they're like, Okay,
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: let's do some testing, let's try to figure out what's
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: going on. And essentially all of our results came back unexplained,
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: unexplained for infertility, unexplained infertility. And I mean again coming
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: back to like the education piece, like fifty percent of
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: all infertility is like secondary, and by secondary, it's like
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: after the first kid, so a lot of people are
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: struggling to have their very first kid, which I feel
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: like that's a whole nother ballgame and like journey that
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: I'm not like accustomed, like I've not been through. But
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: secondary fertility is fifty percent of all cases, and I'm like, wow,
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: that's like very common, Like how come I didn't know this.
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: So it's like we're trying to have our second kid
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: and it's so much harder we thought it'd be. Really
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: easy because route was so easy. Yeah, and then we
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: g IUI first. So we tried a IUI like right
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: on Christmas.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: The IUI is like the Turkey basing.
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they used to call it artificial insemination, but I
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: think they changed it for some reason. I'm not sure why.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: Maybe artificial insemination sounded.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So that's that's when we started to learn about
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: the options like i UI IVF. You know, this is
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: where like the stress was in and we're trying to
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: like figure out what the decisions are. And we were
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: kind of saying, hey, let's do IUI for what the
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: first couple of months and we'll try it.
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they recommend doing like three iuis before jumping to IVF,
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: just kind of based on your history. Like there's a
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: lot of factors that go into like how a fertility
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: like doctor will like recommend a plan for you, which
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: like everyone is different. So like with my biological age,
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: I was still under thirty seven. I learned that like
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: thirty seven is like this point where like egg quality
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: actually begins to decline. Like scientifically, there's data that says
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: like egg quality has like a steeper decline at age
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: thirty seven. Yeah, which is like Okay, great, I'm only
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: thirty five. I'm turning thirty six in like a month.
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: What can we do now to like preserve this like
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: quote unquote higher egg quality before it starts to decline
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: in a year. And also I'd had no previous miscarriages.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: I think that's another factor. People all the times miscarriages
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: happened because you know, the the quality of the embryo,
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: it's like maybe abnormal or it won't implant because it's
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: it's like the qualite, like the DNA, like the chromosomes,
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: there's like too many or not enough. So that's why
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: like miscarriages happen a lot of times. Sometimes it's that
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: there's other factors as well. But because I've had none
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: of those, they're like, okay, maybe it's just like not
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: lining up. So they thought I was like a good
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: candidate to like skip straight to IVF because they want
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: to get the good egg qualit, like you know, I
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: could do like a fresh transfer. There's just all these factors.
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: Like I was turning thirty seven in a year, like let's.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: Get there was it was like you did not want
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: to be heaving. You wanted to have the you want
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: to have our second baby before you turn thirty seven,
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: because it's like we didn't do the third time of IUI,
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: and then also what goes into IVF. It takes like
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: it's a certain period of time before you get through
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: the fresh transfer, which would add up these months to
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: where it's like I want to be yet on this
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: baby sooner rather than going through the process.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: I think, Yeah, it's just tough with like I think
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: everyone who goes to fertility clinic wants to have a
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: baby yesterday, right Like for me personally, I know, I'm like,
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: holy shit, We've been trying now for almost a year
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: and I still don't have a baby. I'm not even pregnant,
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: Like how old? How long will this take? So it's
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: like I go in with this timeline and honestly that
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: is what I would tell someone if I wasn't given
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: the advice, like ditch the timeline. But as I'm going
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: with the timeline, how can I get pregnant as fast
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: as possible? Like IUI leaves so much more to chance.
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: IVF like you have a little bit more control, So
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: that I think is another reason why we skipped right
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: to it, because there's so much preparation work, like we're like, okay,
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: let's do IVF. I think we said that like the
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: very end of December or maybe early January, and we
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: didn't start it for another month plus because there's like
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: time they have to do like testing. They have to
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: get like your follicles like back down to like baseline,
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: and they all have to be at baseline. It's kind
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: of a lot of like scientific stuff that happens in
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: your body with like the hormones and everything to prepare
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: you to start the process for like retrieval. And if
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: you don't know like what IVF is, it's essentially I mean,
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: do we talk about it. Yeah, it's like they are
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: extrame what they're trying to do. Like your body, like
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: a woman's body, it's going to drop down one egg
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: every single month. That's your period, right, Like it drops
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: down the egg and then when it flushes the egg out,
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: that is like the blood coming out. I mean again,
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: maybe this TMI. Maybe it's like everyone knows this, right,
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: this is like a fifth grade this women had periods. Right,
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: He's clarifying that he did know about periods, the.
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: IVF stuff, Like I'm not entirely sure how that entire process. Yea, yeah,
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: it works or anything like that.
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: That's uh, it's like a few steps right, so to
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: give to prep your body for this thing. That's called
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: the retrieval. And IVF is two it's two procedures essentially
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: in essence. The first procedure is what's called a retrieval.
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: So your body's dropping down one all by itself, no
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: matter what. Every month for the most part, if you
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: have like a regular cycle. What IVF does is it
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: like kind of hyper stimulates your ovaries and the follicles
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: in there that produce the eggs to get as many
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: eggs as possible from ovaries. And for me it's only
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: one ovary, right, so but for other most people, they're
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: stimulating the ovaries to get as many follicles as possible
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: to have this egg that's like the perfect size has
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: to be like the perfect size for release down like,
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: but they don't want to racist, so they go in.
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: Once the eggs are the perfect size, they go in.
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: They kind of give you this like I mean know
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: what the shots called. But they'll go in and they'll
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: retrieve the eggs. So that like I went under. I
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: went under for that right, like I was asleep.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: I think, so, I mean my memory is shaky.
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure. Yeah, I went under. They retrieved the
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: eggs and they also have Will sperm, So that same
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: morning of my retrieval, Will goes in and he gives
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: a sperm. And then what they do is they like
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: they look for like the fastest swimming sperm, and they
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: will just kind of match up the eggs with the sperm.
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: And there's different ways you can do it. You can
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: kind of like let them like put them in a
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: petri dish and let them like hang out and like
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: match up by chance. Or you can also do this
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: thing called gosh, what's it called. It's in sick I forget,
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: but they basically inject the sperm into the egg to
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: ensure that they like what's that called. There's like a
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: it's a weird acronym. We can look it up.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: But is that when I was we were in the
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: room and they're putting the sperm.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean we didn't see it happen, but they're
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: trying to make embryos. So they're taking Will sperm and
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: they're taking my eggs and they're like, you know, trying
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: to make as many embryos as possible. Yeah, so then
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: they like let the ms sit and like hatch, they
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: have to get to like blasticis stage, so there's like
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: three day five day and they make it to a
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: five day blasticis. You can either freeze them or you
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: can transfer them. So a lot of people will free
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: them if they want them for the future, or you
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: can freeze them if you want to like test them first.
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: They call it PGTA testing, and that basically tests like
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: for abnormal chromosomes to see like how likely it is
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: if you transfer this embryo, will it implant and will
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: it become like a baby in a live birth. We
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: chose to do a fresh transfer, and we did that
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: because the fertility doctor said, be okay, great candidate for it.
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: And it's like a month faster, and it's much faster
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: because you don't have to wait for the PGTA results
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: like those can often take six to eight weeks, so
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: some people do retrieval and then they'll freeze their eggs
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: or send them off for testing and then they won't
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: do their transfer for another like two to three months.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: We did it so that as soon as that embryo,
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: the best ones will kind of grade them, so they're
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: like tell you how many eggs or tell me how
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: tell you how many eggs they got, how many embryos
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: made it to day five blastocysts, And from them they
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: can like grade them like this is this is graded X,
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: this is graded y. There's like different grading scales, and
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: they'll for our fresh transfer, they chose the best one,
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: the best graded one, the one that like looked the best,
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: like based on like their microscope. It's kind of crazier,
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: like this is what we're looking for. I'm like, oh cool,
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: Like I have no idea what that is. And then
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: for a fresh transfer, they literally transfer it into your body.
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: So that's another procedure. That's procedure number two for like
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: trying to implant it. So they're trying to like mimic
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: what happens when like the egg is like traveling down
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: the Filippian tube and then the sperm meets it and
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: then they like mate and then it like implants in
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: the uterus. So that is what they're like kind of
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: manufacturing scientifically. And that I was not under I was
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: awake and I'm just like kind of laying there and
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: it's really cold, and I remember being really stiff, and
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: I was just trying to relax.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: I mean they're kind of watching the entire process. They're guiding. Yeah,
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: they're guiding it to the right spot because it has
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: to stick right. They have to be insanely accurate. It's
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: a It's.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: Incredible and I'm just like hoping that they got the
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: right sperm. I'm like, I hope it's will comptents.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and then you hope it like uh and then
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: it is in hope that you hope it in plants
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: and and sticks to where you know it doesn't.
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: You don't you know, like it's not even like really
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: a miscarriage at that way the egg breaks or like yeah,
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: I mean like is the embryo like a good embrya,
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: Like are the at like the chromosomes right right? How's
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: your uterus like some people have like uterine polyops or
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: like all different things that like happen or maybe like
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: it's the problem, like the problem, but like something is
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: going on in your body that you haven't tested for.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: So I will say like in general, I feel like
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: our process was like overall smooth, Like we didn't have
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: to do like a lot of extra testing. I talked
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: to so many people where they like go through this
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: and like, wow, we found this out about myself and
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: now I have to like do this stuff for my
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: hormones or I have to like fix this or like
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: try and make this a little better. And then like
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: the process gets elongated and lengthened even more. Oh then
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: you know again you wanted the baby yesterday.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And there's so much unknown too, to where it's
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: like you're trying to have patience and be ready for
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: if a pivot has to happen, because we also have
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: so many friends that had to go through many different
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: cycles or oh my gosh, if you have tons of retrievals, Yeah,
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: tons of retro.
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: And that's the thing with the retrievals, Like the attrition
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: rate and if you have is crazy. Like I won't
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: say how many eggs we got, but in general the
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: attrition is like up to eighty percent from like the
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: number of eggs you get in terms of how many
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: healthy like day five blasticis like embryos you have, So
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: there's like so much drop off. Like let's say you
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: get twenty five eggs, only ten of those might fertilize,
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: and then maybe only five of those make it to
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: day five blasticist and maybe only two of those are
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: actually chromosomally normal. So it's like you're going from like
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: twenty five to two. So that's why some people with
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: their retrieval, they end up with zero and like then
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: you just don't have any eggs to transfer it all.
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: I mean, I guess you could always try to transfer
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: it abnormal if you have one. I've always also heard
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: like data about that, Like you haven't mad do like
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: genetic counseling, but sometimes like the women's body will literally
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: fix an abnormal implantation, like an abnormal embryo in the uterus,
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: and just it becomes like a live birth, like a
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: chromosomally normal baby, which is crazy, Like there's just so
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: much that happens like within our bodies that's not in
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: our control, and there's so many things that we can do,
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: like with IBF too, to like it's just like, yeah,
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: so we got so lucky that we did one retrieval,
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: one transfer, and thankfully it's stuck and now it's che
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: s guy.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: Because backup talk about all the hormone chats. My gosh
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: is there's such a process to even get to that
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: point of you know, getting the embryos and the agg
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: retrieval and everything else. Yeah, you have to go through
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: pretty them needles ain't a walk in the park.
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean yeah, So it's like retrieval and transfer.
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: I feel like leading up to the transfer, there's not
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: like a lot of things different. Really, it's like leading
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: up to the trieble where you're trying to like get
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: as many follicles active and like these egg size is perfect.
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: That's when all like the shots come in. So when
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: you hear people talk about shots in the IBF, that's
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: what it is, so essentially, which another thing that kind
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: of comes into play was like birth control, which I
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: was like so annoyed by. But sometimes they'll prescribe you
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: birth controlled to like kind of control the start date
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: of the IVF cycle, and I didn't want that. I
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: was like, please, I do not want that at all.
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: I don't want any extra hormones I don't have to have.
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: But this whole thing happened where it's just like the
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: timing of like when the fertility clinic closed and when
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: they could get results and when my period had started
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: that I had to like push it off by a week.
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: And I was so frustrated by this because the birth can,
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: I mean, I didn't know what at the time, but
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: the birth control gave me these terrible headaches. I literally
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: like couldn't work, and I don't really get headaches a lot,
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: so that was like a whole other factor. So they
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: like suppressed my follicles with birth control, which again don't
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: recommend if you don't have to, but sometimes it's like
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: it actually got it done sooner. Otherwise I would have
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: had to wait a whole nother month. So birth control
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: step one, and then they're like, Okay, your follicles look good,
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: everything's baseline. Let's start the shots. So they like give
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: you these dosages of like these hormones that you have
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: to put into your belly, and I think there were
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: three for the retrieval process, and you gave them to
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: me for the most part, all the ones in my belly.
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: Maybe yeah, I think you've even all those because you
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: were in town leading up to like afterwards, sometimes Audrey
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: or Nanny gave them to me. Shout out Audrey, huge,
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: shout out to Audrey. Oh my gosh, she's the best.
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: But yeah, so like leading up to their treebal they're
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: my husband, will You're giving me these shots in my
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: belly usually morning and night, and I'm going into the
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: fertility clinic like every few days to get checked, like,
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: how's the follicle looking, how's the growth looking? Okay, do
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: we need to like pump up this hormone? Do we
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: need to timber down a little bit on this one?
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: Like they're trying to adjust the dosages to get the
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: fog holes to grow at the right rate. They don't
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: want them to grow too fast because they grow too
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: fast and the eggs will release, but they don't have
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: to growth too slow easy either, and they also want
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: them to all grow at the same time. So it's
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: like a lot of things happening that they're like trying
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: to like pinpoint and get correct. So then when they
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: you know, I'm going going in every few days, and
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: those shots were not terrible. I mean it's like really
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: just like pinching my belly fat putting it in there.
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: They're relatively small shots. It's just like tons of them.
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: And also they just like send you everything at your
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: house and you're like, oh, am I like a doctor?
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: Now?
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: Like am I a nurse? Like do I just have
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: to figure this out? Yeah? No, Yeah, there's they're they're like, oh,
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: this is how you do with this video anyway? So
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: you did it, but you give yourself shots all the time.
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: So I feel like you were So what's so funny, Mitch.
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: Everybody knows I do some peptides.
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but also you said that it was like different
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: giving me shots and giving you shots.
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: Oh for sure, because yeah, you're like in control, you
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: know how it feels and everything else. And again you're
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: pain tolerance. It's like you're trying to do everything you
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: can to make it as comfortable as possible.
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so those belly shots weren't I mean comparatively, they're really.
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: Not that bad. No, not compared to the oh my gosh.
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: So then you go in they're like, Okay, your follicles
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: look great. Do the retrieval. They schedule it. They have
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: to do this like little like uh infragot it's called.
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: But they give you one final one that like gets
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: you in the right spot and they'll do the retrieval.
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: And then as soon as the retrieval is done. I
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: think a lot of people think IBF is like once
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: you do their treble and or a transfer, you're done.
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: It's not. The shots continue. So then they're trying to
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: get kind of like getting your body ready to like
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: implant an embryo, so they're trying to get more progesterone
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: in there. So progesterone in oil like PIO is what
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: you're injecting literally into your butt. So it's it's crazy.
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: So as soon as the retrieval shots end, the progesterone
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: starts begin and they're like big needles and you have
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: to I mean typically they'll recommend like if you end
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: up getting pregnant, you do them during the two week wait.
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: You'll do them like as soon as the transfer is done,
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: and then like until you find out if you're pregnant
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: or not, and then if you are pregnant, and you
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: have to continue them through twelve weeks at pregnancy, so
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: it's not done when you get pregnant. You keep giving
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: yourself progesterone and oil shots your butt every night until
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: you get pregnant or sorry, until twelve weeks.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, buddy, these these these tots now give us like
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: a size a man. I kind of cant can you
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: pull it up? Pull it up on Google? What would
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: you type in sweetheart.
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: P I O shots? But yeah, they're like a big
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: needle and it's like a lot of like what like this, Yeah,
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: and they're like kind of thick, and I do remember,
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: like I walk in the park so much.
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: I remember seeing and I kind of took it out.
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: I was like, a sweetheart, don't don't look back here.
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: I'm looking at you have the dog pulled up.
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: You cannot really see it matched.
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: Right there? Yeah, can you see it?
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: Well, yeah, that's that's a big needle.
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: You can't see it on your screen. Yeah, those that
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: one on the left there, but yeah, it's a beast.
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: It's really not. But it's like your hip. If anyone's
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: looking for tips on like best ways to manage PIO injections,
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: what did I do?
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: I did?
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: I rolled out I rolled out the butte. Yeah, like
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: two or three minutes. I would do some air squads and.
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: When you're you would warm, you would heat.
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: No, I did heating after, Okay, you do heating after.
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: And then I would like prepare the PIO injection into
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: this huge ass needle. And there's like two needles, so
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: you have to make sure you're not doing like the
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: retrieving needle because that one's even bigger. And I've heard
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: people like accidentally use that one, which is like terrible.
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: So then I'm like, well, choose the spot. I'm alternating butts,
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: so like let's say, you know, when I do my
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: right cheek, next time I do my left cheek, you
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: want to make sure. And then I find a spot
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: that's like not like holy and there's not a ton
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: of bruise on, like do this spot, so like clean
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: it off. And then our trick was that.
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: You would in the ass like big, all right, is
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: this the spot again? You're trying to avoid the bruising
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: because there's bruising that occurs throughout the process that you
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: just like you just feel bad for. You're like, Dan,
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: have to put this needle in her again. But she
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: would she would be there, bend over the kitchen can. Yeah,
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: I bent over the kitchen counter. I'll be all right,
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: are you ready? And she'd be like yeah, and I
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: would just I'll be like okay, and I'd slap her
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: on the ass and then slip the needle in. And
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: then as the needle's in, it's like probably an eight
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: to ten second like as it has to.
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: Like slowly go in because you don't want to go
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: too fast.
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't go too fast, So you're going like
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: eight to ten seconds where you're just pushing it in,
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: You're just like, tell me the breathe.
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: You really could countdown, yeah, and some were fine and
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: some were like really bad.
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: It really just kind of like depended on.
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: The spot in the day and ever after the injection.
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: You would like heat your right after the injection, I'd
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: apply pressure and then I'd sit on a heating pad
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: for a little bit. Yeah, but it got to a
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: point over like two weeks or two to three weeks
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: of these, I'm like, I can't walk like. I was
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: so like frustrated because I like, not only am I
• 38:49
  Speaker 2: like going through IVF, but I'm also like in pain.
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: And so I did go in. I was like, hey,
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: any chance I'd get a smaller needle, and they're like yeah, sure.
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: I'm like, why did you Why did you give me
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: this huge needle to begin with? So I'm really glad
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: I asked for a smaller needle. Again, if your needles
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: look a little too big, maybe you get a smaller one.
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: You can see what they say, Yeah, and those felt
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: a little bit better. Another options that you can take
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: progesterone and oil. This is again TM I there's these
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: like little tablets and they don't like using this it
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: because as effective like using the shot, like it'll get
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: it directly into your bloodstream. It's like quick works right away.
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: But you can also do like this kind of like
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: area one where you like literally insert this little tablet
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: into your uterus. So that's fun. I'm so glad Mitch
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: is here. So yeah, that's lots of the shots and stuff.
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: If we'rebody listening, I feel like they just learned learned
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: about the IVF process. Mitch, do you feel like you
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: got that? Definitely helps clear it up. Talk about the
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: highs and lows throughout the process. I don't even know
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: if there were highs, but obviously the highs when we
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: find out that it's it's happening for us, But there
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: were definitely quite a few lows throughout due to the stress,
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: the foremones, the impatience hoping everything goes well that it's
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: you know, it's obviously a very stressful, a stressful journey
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: because even again it's like, were you did you become
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: the owner yet of bar three? No, but at that
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: point in the process of.
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: She had called me and said, hey, would you want
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: to do this?
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: And I was saying, like, with work and career, I
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: know there was one time where you had to kind
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: of moves up around or you couldn't go to something
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: for work that you had really wanted to go to
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: where I think you were going to be speaking or
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: you were going to be doing something that you were
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: really excited about. And yeah, kind of an emotion. It
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: took kind of an emotional toll on you at that
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: point to where it felt kind of like a like
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: a breaking point because I think we were out in
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: I think Vegas for the super Bowl, this might have
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: been in Federation, was kind of early, but yeah, take
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: us through, take us through the emotional roller coaster.
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, oh my gosh, it's I feel like I could
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: just talk for hours and I'll try not to, but yeah,
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: I think I know that I'm like a person who
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: likes to be in control. I think you're very similar,
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: Like we like to control the controllables, and IVF is
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: very much a process where you're not in control. But
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: it's also very odd because I did feel like, if
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: you're talking highs, like the one high was that like
• 41:19
  Speaker 2: we were finally doing something together that like gives us
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: a higher likelihood of having our second baby. So like
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: we knew long term that this was like hopefully the
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: right move, but like in it, like in this like
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: thick of it, like this tear, like this bubble. I
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: think a lot of it had to do with like
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: timelines and expectation and the process, because during the IVF process,
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: like retrieval transfer, they recommend not traveling. I mean in general,
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: like don't go too far away. Obviously during the whole
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: retrieval process you have to be the fertility clinic every
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: couple days anyway, so you can't go anywhere. And after
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: the transfer, like you're waiting to see if you're pregnant,
• 42:02
  Speaker 2: it's like don't exert too much. Like physical activity does
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: not actually affect an embryo's ability to implant, but in
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: some ways, like a woman would never forgive herself if
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: she like went for a run and then didn't get pregnant,
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: So it's more like a mental thing like anyway, so
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: it's like they restrict you. They say like don't do
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: all these things. And at this point, you know, of course,
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: I wish I was pregnant six months ago and I
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: had all these they cool things planned for work, Like
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: I was really pumped to lead this training in DC
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: at my old studio that I used to work at
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: and manage there, and I had to cancel it and
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: I had to like kind of tell my team members,
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: like can someone step in to do this training for
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: me that I was like so pumped for the opportunity
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: to do, because I'm like in the middle of this
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: procedure that should have already been done or that I
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: didn't know was going to happen, and like all the
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: timing doesn't work out where I couldn't go, and I
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: just remember feeling so mad. I was like really angry
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: because I think internally like I was feling like I
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: was missing out on this opportunity for work, which I
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: love my job. I you know, am about like in
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: the middle of like going through this with my body obviously,
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: after like months and months of trying to get pregnant
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: where you get these negative pregnancy tests or I would
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: get them, and I just every time it was just
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: like I just felt so hopeless, like looking at these
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: negative pregnancy tests where it's like where I would get
• 43:24
  Speaker 2: my period and I would just like start crying because
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: we just wanted a second kid so badly. So it's
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: already at this point where I'm so vulnerable, so emotional
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: and now I can't do these like cool things I
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: want to do for work. And then I think we
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: were supposed to go on vacation. We're supposed to go
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: to Mexico. We canceled that also because we knew we'd
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: be in the middle of the fertility stuff with the IVF.
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: And I also like, I'm like, oh, I have to
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: cancel this work training that I've been pumped about I've
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: been working on for months. And you know, I'm sitting
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: here at home on the phone with a fertility doctor
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: and Will is literally in Vegas living his like best
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: life life, like his like working and like his life
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: is normal. He's like with his the boys and he's
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: doing football and he's like having fun. Like I know
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: he like is thinking of me. I'm not like it's
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: not like resentment, but it's almost like this comparison where
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: I'm the one like in it and I'm the one
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: who has to like give up all these things that
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: I wanted to do and he doesn't have to, which
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: I mean it just sucks. So it's like that it's
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: like feels really lonely in and of itself when it's
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: like my partner is not actually experiencing this with me,
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: even though we're going through it together. It's not like
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: we're not Actually he's like not in my body.
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so that was like, yes, that's fair, that's natural.
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: I think it's like it's one of those things too
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: that every couple who's whether they're going through the IVF process,
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: you know, whatever the fertility pregnancy journey that people are on,
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: it's like these moments happen naturally, I think, no matter what.
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: And it's it's obviously important that you're like staying connected
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: with your partner because again it's like, you know, we'd
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: be on a phone call and I'm thinking of my head,
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: do you know I'm trying to let her talk and
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: feel her emotions, Like do I just let her feel
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: her emotions and empathize? Does she want me to try
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: and give a solution to like, you know, like what
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: is she needing out of me? And if you know,
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: if you're if you're the guy, and you know, you
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: could obviously say the wrong thing, and it's something as
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: simple as oh, it's easy for you to say, and
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, the may like we're triggered
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: because we're trying our best and you just there's a
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: lot of stuff going on just in the in the
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: relationship that you have to navigate and stay connected on
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: because now you kind of lose sight of it, then
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: you can kind of get resentful because again it's just
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: like talking from the male perspective, which again we're not
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: going through it. I think we're very aware of, or
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: we try to be as aware as we can of
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: how hard it is because a lot of this stuff too.
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: It's like we're traveling and I know that I'm getting
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: to kind of like live my best life and do
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: all these things with my career, and you're stuck at
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: home and you're going through all this stuff. It's like
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: there's this guilt and shame that kind of builds up
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: inside of you that if it's not communicated the right way,
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: if you don't have the right communication with your spouse,
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: your wife, your girlfriend, whatever, it is, like it can
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: go sideways. And so I don't know exactly where I'm
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: going with all that word salad, but I think like
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: stay connected and knowing that there are gonna be times
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: where there's gonna be arguments being had, but as long
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: as you can kind of like find your way back
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: to that connection and get out of it, whether you're
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: sleeping on it for a night and or learning how
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: to hey, how do you want me to help you
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: right now? Or and even that might you know fellows
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: all the time, it's like you don't know what questions
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: because then you're like, oh, you're expected to know. You
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: gotta know, like why you asked me this? You shouldn't
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: know what's going about. You just get some such a
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: mental frenzy that it's just super important that you got that.
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: Everybody communicates, and you try to find the ways to
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: communicate best. I know Tarl and I were big proponents
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: and will hit couple's therapy and try to have that
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: third party perspective navigate like differences and how we see
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: things and how to communicate better and more effectively. What
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: kind of stirs up in your mind whenever you know, hey,
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: why aren't you cleaning this up? Why aren't you doing this?
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: But no, it's it's it's important because that stuff is
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: I think, no matter what it happens naturally because again
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: you're you're kind of fighting this fight, which feels like
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: alone a lot of the times, even though that you
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: know you do have a partner, but it's tough. It
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: sounds like it's like it's very tough to juggle, because again,
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: I'm not going through it actually the way you are.
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, I mean overall, like looking back though, I
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: feel like you handled it well, Like you did a
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: lot of listening. And then sometimes I felt like you
• 47:50
  Speaker 2: were like doing all this listening and there were things
• 47:52
  Speaker 2: like maybe you wanted to say or like wanted to
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: offer up and you just kind of didn't And maybe
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: that was the right thing, maybe that wasn't. I don't know,
• 47:59
  Speaker 2: But like I honestly kind of like sometimes was feeling
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: like like what's Wilniye, Like what's he feeling in this
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: moment that he's not saying that he's like protecting me
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: from or he's like just trying to like kind of
• 48:10
  Speaker 2: silence his own emotions because mine are so big right now.
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: So like what do you what did you need going
• 48:15
  Speaker 2: through IVF?
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know. Again, there's like more
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: it's like it's like guilt and shame that would build
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: up in me versus like like because you don't want
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: to like I don't want to like let you down.
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: I do want to try and say the right things.
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: A lot of times, like when you're just doing the
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: whole listening thing and empathizing, the phone conversation will kind
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: of like end with you being like, oh, you know,
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: if we're on the phone, like okay, I'll let you go,
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: and you feel like, all right, did did I? Did
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: I provide enough? Because when you're just listening, you're not
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: like providing a solution or you're not like you that's okay, yeah,
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: which is Yeah, it's dude, It's just it's a yeah,
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: it's a puzzle. It's a puzzle that's hard to know.
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: I feel it's a puzzle. I don't have answers either, Yeah,
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: like if.
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: You leave the conversation or you're sitting at home and
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: whether you continue to watch a TV show. I know,
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: in my mind it's like am I doing? Am I
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: being the support that she needs right now? Or should
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: I have said this? Or should I have said that?
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: When really it's like, you know, intimacy can be a
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: lot different when you're going through this journey to where
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: like you know, we'll be talking with therbis. I'm like,
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: you know, sometimes I'm just laying there like could I
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: just you know, can we get a little can we
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: get a little action, but I'm feeling bad about even
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: thinking about that because I'm not going through what's going on.
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: But then I'm like, okay, but I also need to
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: I need to create space for my needs. What am
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: I need right now? Like it's like, that's what tells
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: me what I'm needing right now? But how do I
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: even communicate that? It makes like that's funny. I promised that.
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: That was a conversation that I basically tried walking through,
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: like in front of her therapists one time, and it's
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: just like, well, just how do I even go about that?
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: Because again, I feel like a I feel like an
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: asshole to even like want that during this time. So
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: there's there's a lot of stuff I feel like, you know, okay, yeah, yeah,
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: trying to live in that emotion, and I'm trying to
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: live in that.
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: You know, it's all the shame and gill And then
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: of course if I knew this, and I'm going to
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: feel shame and gilling about you feeling shame, and so
• 50:09
  Speaker 2: it's like this like circle and cycle that It's like,
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: is this even productive? Maybe we can just both understand
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: that we're like on the same team.
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And because I'll be telling the docmn she I'll
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: be like, and Doc, it's like the moment like maybe
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: I try, and she just says like, and of.
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: Course, why you're going through this. They don't really they
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: don't want you to have any penetration that's not allowed.
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: But again, it's like, Okay, a roller coaster shut down,
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: it doesn't mean we got to shut down the entire
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: theme park and.
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: Hormonal emotion. I'm like a doc.
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: And then when she says like, sweetheart, this isn't about
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: you right now, and then I'm thinking that's that's like
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: that's kind of like my trigger. I'm like, all right, yeah,
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: I know, it's not about me. I'm trying.
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: So we've learned that those are not the right words
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: for me to Yeah, we've learned that lots of couples therapy,
• 50:53
  Speaker 2: not a lot too much just to rite just.
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: I think good check ins. But it's it's obviously been
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: very helpful for us, just because again it's like learning
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: how to communicate and navigate those situations.
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: And you know, you like keep on talking about like
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: the ways that you're like listening and like face to
• 51:12
  Speaker 2: face and like talking and like that type of communication.
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: But I do honestly feel like a lot of the
• 51:16
  Speaker 2: times where I felt like most supported by you, and
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: even now it's truly like when you like, I don't know,
• 51:22
  Speaker 2: you like squeeze my ass while I'm doing the dinner
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: doing the dishes, or you like come up and you
• 51:25
  Speaker 2: give me a hug, or you like hold my hand
• 51:27
  Speaker 2: while we're like driving to the fertility clinic. So it's
• 51:30
  Speaker 2: just like these little things where it's like I know
• 51:32
  Speaker 2: my partner is with me, and they don't even have
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: to be like words or like anything profound. It's just
• 51:37
  Speaker 2: like those are those little things matter too. So if
• 51:41
  Speaker 2: you if you're like a dad or husband, you're like,
• 51:44
  Speaker 2: I'm not sure what to do, Like maybe just start there.
• 51:47
  Speaker 2: I don't know, Like it's really just about making her
• 51:49
  Speaker 2: feel seen and heard and understood.
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: You ultimately have to know that times are going to
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: be rocky.
• 51:56
  Speaker 2: It's gonna be hard.
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: Certain moments, and you're just gonna have to There's there's
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: no way to prepare for or other than like planning
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: to know that you know, shit like this is gonna happen,
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: and I don't know, like removing yourself and getting out
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: of your own head and trying to zoom out.
• 52:12
  Speaker 3: Because the tunnel of chaos.
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I entered the tunnel of chaos. When Mitch says that,
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: it's like having trying to have like effective communication with
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: the right tone, right time, right place, not in the moment,
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: because obviously that's when things can kind of go off
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: the rails because everybody's at their peak or whatever's going on.
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: And again that is still going to happen. It's a yeah,
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: it's it's weird. It's all about just trying to get
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: back to and being getting reconnected because again you're both
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: on the same team, you both want the same thing.
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was a lot more like emotional needs for sure.
• 52:44
  Speaker 2: For sure, but then like once we found out we
• 52:47
  Speaker 2: did get pregnant, that was like an emotional moment that
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: was exciting.
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, talk about paint the picture when you finally get
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: the call.
• 52:53
  Speaker 2: Well yeah, I mean this is what So I remember
• 52:55
  Speaker 2: being so committed. I was like, Okay, once I do
• 52:58
  Speaker 2: my transfer, there's essentially the two week which is like
• 53:00
  Speaker 2: if you're trying, if you're trying to conceive, you know
• 53:02
  Speaker 2: that like you essentially your egg comes down, you're like ovulating,
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: the sperm connects. So that's like when manufactured with the
• 53:10
  Speaker 2: IVF process. So then you wait, you wait to see
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: if the egg and plants, and then your body starts
• 53:14
  Speaker 2: produce producing what's the chemical that you're what I produces?
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: You have no idea? Can you google like pregnancy tests
• 53:24
  Speaker 2: like hormone or chemical or something, So that's what pregnancy
• 53:28
  Speaker 2: tests will pick out. No, you're pregnant. I forgot should
• 53:32
  Speaker 2: have my research. So you're essentially waiting. And I will say,
• 53:36
  Speaker 2: the day after my transfer, I went and got acupuncture.
• 53:38
  Speaker 2: And I'm not like an acupuncture person. Again, I hate pain.
• 53:40
  Speaker 2: Acupuncture is too painful for me. But hCG that's it.
• 53:45
  Speaker 3: Oh geez, human, you got it, buddy, choreic gondo troping.
• 53:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So you're waiting for the HGG to show up
• 53:57
  Speaker 2: in your blood or in your body, and that's what
• 54:00
  Speaker 2: the pregnancy test will detect. So if you're pregnant, it
• 54:03
  Speaker 2: starts producing like small amounts and like the like the
• 54:06
  Speaker 2: farther long you get, the more it produces. So you
• 54:09
  Speaker 2: take a pregnancy test early on, it might not show up,
• 54:11
  Speaker 2: but you know, by day fourteen, day ten, it might
• 54:13
  Speaker 2: show up because by that time your body has produced
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: aeno FHGG for it to be detectable by a pregnancy test,
• 54:18
  Speaker 2: and I just remember being like, I'm not going to
• 54:20
  Speaker 2: take any pregnancy test. I'm just gonna wait for the
• 54:22
  Speaker 2: blood test of fertility clinic. I'm not gonna go down
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: any rabbit holes. I'm just gonna chill. I'm just gonna wait.
• 54:27
  Speaker 2: And I did not do that at all. It was
• 54:29
  Speaker 2: I don't even know if I told you this, but
• 54:30
  Speaker 2: I literally I'm not a Reddit person, but I learned
• 54:33
  Speaker 2: about Reddit, and I was on the infertility reddit threads
• 54:37
  Speaker 2: every night and day like all the time, so like
• 54:41
  Speaker 2: it was. And then I started taking pregnancy test. I
• 54:43
  Speaker 2: think I started taking pregnancy test like at day five.
• 54:46
  Speaker 2: I couldn't wait. I just couldn't do it. It was
• 54:48
  Speaker 2: really it was probably unhealthy. I like had this like
• 54:50
  Speaker 2: obsession with like am I pregnant or not? Because I
• 54:51
  Speaker 2: remember the first one I took no line, and then
• 54:54
  Speaker 2: I think the second one I took super faint line
• 54:57
  Speaker 2: there when it's like the line kept getting a little
• 54:59
  Speaker 2: bit dark, a little bit darker, so like was giving
• 55:02
  Speaker 2: me hope. But you still don't actually know for sure
• 55:04
  Speaker 2: until you like go and do the blood test, and
• 55:08
  Speaker 2: then of course they want your levels to like double
• 55:10
  Speaker 2: by like five days later or whatever, so you're not
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: like out of the clear even if you get a
• 55:15
  Speaker 2: positive pregnancy test. But I just I was like, so
• 55:18
  Speaker 2: they couldn't really think about anything else other than like,
• 55:20
  Speaker 2: am I pregnant? And that goes on for like ten
• 55:21
  Speaker 2: to fourteen days, So that was really unhealthy. Don't recommend it.
• 55:25
  Speaker 2: I'm sure even if you're going through it, you might
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: end up doing that as well. But redd, it's a
• 55:30
  Speaker 2: crazy place. There's lots of stories on there that can
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: be really hopeful. I think a lot of them are hopeful,
• 55:34
  Speaker 2: but then a lot of them are really not helpful. Anyway,
• 55:38
  Speaker 2: So got the call, officially got the blood test. They
• 55:41
  Speaker 2: called me and said try you're pregnant, and I was
• 55:44
  Speaker 2: like broke down in tears. That was a really exciting moment.
• 55:48
  Speaker 2: And then at that point I'm like, Okay, still nervous,
• 55:51
  Speaker 2: Still nervous, And I think I just know a lot
• 55:53
  Speaker 2: of people who've had miscarriages or like things have happened
• 55:55
  Speaker 2: like not even first trimester, second trimester miscarriages, like things
• 55:58
  Speaker 2: that are like really hard. You're like, you know, really
• 56:01
  Speaker 2: said on having this baby. And we got some more
• 56:04
  Speaker 2: embryos that we sent off for testing. So we're like, okay,
• 56:07
  Speaker 2: we're in transferred this one and then we'll send away
• 56:09
  Speaker 2: the other ones to test to keep them for later,
• 56:11
  Speaker 2: like just in case we want more kids. And we
• 56:14
  Speaker 2: got those tests back it was maybe like I don't know,
• 56:16
  Speaker 2: six to seven weeks into the pregnancy, and both that
• 56:20
  Speaker 2: we said are not both the eggs that we had
• 56:22
  Speaker 2: sent the embryos, they were all at chromosomely abnormal.
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So this is when we were in the middle
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: of the spring tour, because I remember we just got
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: done with the of.
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: Course you're out of town again, yeah, and I called
• 56:36
  Speaker 2: well and I was like, told you that they were
• 56:38
  Speaker 2: both abnormal. So in my mind, I'm like, if those
• 56:40
  Speaker 2: are abnormal, there's absolutely no way that this one that
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: implanted is also isn't abnormal. So I like am freaking
• 56:48
  Speaker 2: about a miscarriage like every day, and there's like this
• 56:50
  Speaker 2: there's like this is like trigger warning like if anyone listening,
• 56:55
  Speaker 2: but it's like there's miss miscarriages where you don't even
• 56:57
  Speaker 2: know that your body miscarries and you just like go in.
• 56:59
  Speaker 2: There's no heart beat. So there's like all these different
• 57:01
  Speaker 2: things that can happen. So I was just terrified of
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: having a miscarriage the whole first trimester because I'm like,
• 57:07
  Speaker 2: surely this one that implanted is also abnormal and we're
• 57:11
  Speaker 2: going to lose it. And I don't think I've ever
• 57:12
  Speaker 2: been so anxious in my life. Like just thinking back
• 57:14
  Speaker 2: to that time, I'm like my skin is like tingling
• 57:16
  Speaker 2: and I'm just like having like a full body, Like.
• 57:18
  Speaker 1: How long to know?
• 57:20
  Speaker 2: Well, You're never really, I mean the percentage of miscarriage
• 57:23
  Speaker 2: goes down like with every day of preancy age, but
• 57:26
  Speaker 2: I would like be on that like that website would
• 57:27
  Speaker 2: give you the stats like you have three point four
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: percent chance of miscarrying, you have three point two percent
• 57:32
  Speaker 2: chance of miss carrying, And it was just like again,
• 57:35
  Speaker 2: super unhealthy. But I was the high, like again, most
• 57:38
  Speaker 2: anxious I've ever been in my whole life. Yeah, So
• 57:40
  Speaker 2: I ended up going to fertility clinic like pretty much
• 57:42
  Speaker 2: once a week to get an ultrasound just to check
• 57:44
  Speaker 2: that the baby was still there and heart was beating,
• 57:48
  Speaker 2: which was like not a healthy place to be in either.
• 57:51
  Speaker 2: So the emotional rollercoaster continued after even after I got pregnant,
• 57:56
  Speaker 2: which I like, I feel like I remember telling you
• 57:58
  Speaker 2: about this, but like you didn't feel these feelings, did you.
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: I don't know with the abnormal chromosome.
• 58:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, with like the abnormal embryos that we got to test.
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean you're just personally it's like I'm just stressed,
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: like hoping everything goes smooth. I think you're somebody who
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: you're very sensitive and hyper aware to all the things
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: that can kind of go on and how hard it
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: is to get pregnant and stay pregnant, be pregnant, all
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: that stuff with all your friends and stories that we've heard,
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: and again you're very like you're very in tune with that,
• 58:25
  Speaker 1: very sensitive about it to where hey, well don't talk
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: about this, don't don't say too much now, blah blah blah.
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: And so I think for me, it's like I'm just
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: hoping for the best, because again I'm not going through
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: all this stuff, like I'm not on the reddits, I'm
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: not cling to podcasts to do all that stuff. I'm
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: just thinking, like, you know, how can I, I guess, help,
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: how can I support? Like what do you need out
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: of me? And some things, it's like you feel like
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: you can't help with certain situations outside of just like
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: listening to you if you like try to have the
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: conversations and talk and it's like, you know, there's there's
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: you do you feel like feel helpless, Like you can't.
• 59:04
  Speaker 1: I don't know, you can't.
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: Like I felt really helpless.
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's like there's really nothing that I would
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: feel at times. There's just like nothing that I can
• 59:13
  Speaker 1: do other than try and stay optimistic. So I think
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: for me it was like my stress was more of
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: like feeling yours and like wanting to wear yours and
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: trying to be like a solid foundation or be optimistic
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: and all these you know, if it hits this day,
• 59:25
  Speaker 1: it goes down to this percentage. Like you hear about
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: the abnormal chromosomes, it's like, well maybe maybe ours is
• 59:31
  Speaker 1: maybe are stuck, like maybe ours didn't have an abnormal chromosome.
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: Like you're just trying to talk more optimistically then like
• 59:37
  Speaker 1: live in the living the fear of what could could.
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: But it's phone, right, but you still get off the phone,
• 59:45
  Speaker 1: and it's just like, man, I hope this goes off,
• 59:47
  Speaker 1: this goes smooth, because again it's like I would come
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: across dad's or I would come across friends that maybe
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: their their wife was pregnant and then you learn that
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: they're going through IVF two, and that's where it was
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: kind of like, oh, snap, like you're you're going through
• 59:59
  Speaker 1: this process too, and you feel like it's something that's
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: not necessarily talked about. But then when I would come
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: across friends who were currently going through it, you're kind
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 1: of like vibing with them over the storytelling, and again
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: you just become more sensitive and aware that some people
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: are on like different cycles, they've tried X amount of times,
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: Like out a buddy, it's like, hey, this our eighth
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: time trying. I had another buddy, it's like they went
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: through five. And you go through all of these things
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: to where you know you're more of just like you're
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: more just connecting with somebody over the process. And then
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: you realize, Okay, we're in our first one and we
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: have a lot of fears that are going on with
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: us right now, but it could be way worse. So
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 1: then you're again it's like you know it again, You're
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: thinking to yourself like, oh, this could be way worse
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: in our situation we're going through for the first time.
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: I'm still gonna be hopeful and if it does go well,
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 1: you're just like we're very lucky that it goes well
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: the first time because Scotty was We were able to
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: have Scotty the first time around on IVF. And again,
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: you're aware that there's so many other stories that go
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: on to where they're way worse than your situation. So
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 1: when you're like feeling down or you're feeling stressed out
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: and you're kind of talking to talking to one of
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: your boys about them going through the process and you're
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 1: learning about theirs, and it's like, you know, your heart,
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: you're just like you start to root for them, hoping that,
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: you know, we stay on track with our things. So, yeah,
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: it's just a lot of different a lot of different emotions,
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: a lot of different feelings, a lot of different stresses, and.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 2: In so much uncertainty.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so much uncertainty that you just try and work
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 1: through in the moment.
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that's life, right, Yeah, Yeah, yeah, it is.
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: It is life. Because again, it's like we were lucky
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: enough to now looking back, we understand how lucky we
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: are that we were able to you were able to
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: conceive our secondary child with Scotty.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and then obviously she's healthy and she's here.
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, then we get the delivery day right. So after
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: again we we we briefed on the first pregnancy with
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: what happened with Rue, so we kind of which was
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: weird to kind of schedule out Scotty's birthday. You always
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: had a problem with which day should she come with that,
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 1: just like as long as it's not as long as
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: it's not on Monday.
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 2: Or or the way you did want her to come
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 2: on the weekend because football. I'm like, if we can
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 2: plan this out, and I was like, ru was born
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 2: on a Sunday. Was have Scotty born on a Sunday?
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: And You're like, no, no, football, you at the pod
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: the next day. Then we kind of you kind of
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: schedule out the sea section because again it's like, well, let's.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 2: Not change it, Like, oh yeah, I mean she she
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 2: gave me the opportunity to be back. Be back is
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 2: vaginal birth after cesarean. So it's like, but I'm like,
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 2: do I really want that? I don't know why open
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 2: both doors?
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 4: Right?
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 2: So we scheduled the sea section and I like am
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 2: still not like super pumped about that decision, but it
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 2: happened and it's over. So it's like, you know, part
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 2: of my story.
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 1: With that situation kind of just going like it's a doctor's.
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was crazy, it was like kind of clinical.
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 2: And then I do remember remember that intern was trying
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 2: to like watch in and they asked my permission to
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 2: see if she could just like not an intern, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 2: she was trying to just like watch and learn and
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 2: they asked my permission and I said no, And I
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 2: was like why'd you say no? And I'm like, I'm like,
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 2: this is my birth. I get to choose who's going
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 2: to be there. And you very much did not like
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 2: understand that. You're kind of like mad.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: I mean no, no, no, no, I didn't like get mad.
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 1: I did get like, trust me, I feel you. But
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 1: they're like trying to like learn on the job and
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: all they're doing is like sitting in to observe. But
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 1: you're right, it is your birth, I know.
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 2: Like I mean every time I get the ore, I
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 2: just like basically like start crying because I like am
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 2: just so overcome with like so that's like a it's
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 2: like fear anyway, like something could go wrong, Like now
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 2: I have a daughter, Like I'm sitting on this operating table.
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 2: Anything could happen, and this is like I don't know.
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 2: It's like birth is scary, like people like birth is insane.
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 2: It can be really dangerous. So regardless, I would feel
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 2: like I was not very much in control of ruse birth.
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 2: It would like lasted forever, nothing but his planned. So
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 2: I'm like, Okay, I'm going to at least control who's
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 2: in this room with us. Yeah, which I feel like,
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 2: you know, if if they ask you, then you can
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 2: say no, you know what I mean, Like, I don't know.
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I almost felt like I should have said yes,
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 2: Like I felt a little bit like, oh, I should
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 2: just let her, but I didn't. I was like, no,
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 2: I don't want you here, and you're like giving me
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 2: shit for it. But I'm like I made the right choice.
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 2: It's cool, but yeah, pretty clinical. I'm sorry to all
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 2: the pas out there trying to learn.
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 1: I just feel bad for the PA Like they're standing.
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 5: There and I was like, no, she's like just literally
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 5: standing right there, Like did you at least ask her
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 5: when she's like outside of the room, Yeah she was born?
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 2: No Nick?
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 1: You yeah, no, Nick.
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 2: We got to like hang out with her afterwards, calm.
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 2: It was just like, yeah, I only had no they
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 2: didn't have to do my ivy more than once. It's Rue.
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 2: I had six ivy pokes. It was awful. I hate
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 2: IV's and then Scotty was only two, right, yeah, something
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 2: like just little little winds. But then I had all
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 2: these like I had some complicate asians afterwards where I
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 2: was in crazy pain with Rue. It it was like
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 2: in my shoulder, dude. It's like we talked forever my
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 2: birth stories. Shout out women, shout out mothers giving birth
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 2: because yeah, yeah, this is the mother's podcast. Shout out.
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 1: Because when the nerve stuff was going on, that's when
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 1: that clip was going viral about me talking about my stats. Yeah,
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 1: what I learned about myself.
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 2: There was the pain and then there was the nerve pain.
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah. The gas pain was crazy because.
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 2: It's like in my shoulder and like in my rib
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 2: it was wild.
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 1: It was it was crazy kid in the button. I'm
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 1: like yelling for hey, hey, something's happening.
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 4: I remember you coming into the shop, like Charles just
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 4: doubled over in pain right now, and I have no
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 4: idea what to do.
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I gotta lean on my boys in times of christ.
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, man, you need your support network.
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 1: Two yeah, yeah, what.
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 3: Questions?
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 1: Let me see here we talked about the impact on
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 1: the relationship, how we feel I've affected the communication, intimacy,
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 1: and stress.
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 2: Love you your outline, babe, here here's one.
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 1: Okay, what do you what do you feel like? What
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: do we feel like? We learned about each other in
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 1: the process.
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 2: I really I understand how and why infertility can tear
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 2: couples apart.
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 3: I do.
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 2: It's like it's such as like pressure filled, like it's
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 2: like a It's just there's so much pressure right like
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 2: we like you want so badly to expand your family
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 2: or to have your for whatever it is, and you
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 2: like both feel like accountable, and there's also like easy
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 2: ways to make be able to make it feel like
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 2: like about blame so like there's not the right communication
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 2: or if you're not on the same page to begin with,
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 2: I think you'll have this like strong foundation, which.
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 1: I think we have.
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 2: I feel like it's so easy for this to truly
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 2: tear people apart, or like maybe this is like the
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 2: only thing we have in common and we realize we
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 2: have nothing in common anymore. All we want is a baby,
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 2: and we can't say we're having such a hard time
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 2: getting one, and I don't know, so like I get
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 2: why it's so hard on couples, and I'm very like
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 2: thankful that we were able to like figure it out somehow,
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 2: Like I don't think we have any like magic answers,
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 2: but like we navigated it. Yeah, that's not like awareness,
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 2: there's not a formula.
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I feel like like looking back on that process,
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 1: like I know, you were in and you were stressing
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 1: out a lot, and you were going through it because
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 1: you were very you know, you had a lot of
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 1: pressure on yourself because when you have to go to
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 1: the alternatives for fertility, you're like you're like frustrated and
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: you feel guilty that your your body's not working the
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 1: way that it should naturally. So that's like a pressure.
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 1: But it's like watching you go through it all like
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 1: you just I don't know, I admire it. I admire
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 1: like how you handled a lot of the stuff. And again,
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 1: there were tough times, there were hard times. But again,
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 1: like I know, you're somebody who, like, as a working woman,
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: you take your career and everything that you do very seriously.
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: So seeing you have to pivot, like in those hard times,
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 1: like when you had to cancel stuff or we didn't
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 1: get to do things, I know that that stuff was
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 1: really hard on you, but just like watching it from Afar,
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 1: I feel like you did a really good job handling it,
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 1: and even when there was pressure on us at times,
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 1: I feel like we always did a good job of
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 1: finding our way back to communicating well because you would,
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 1: you would do a great job of calling out It's like,
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 1: you know, I might have my own stuff going on
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 1: to where I think to myself, I could have handled
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 1: that differently. But I also feel like you were very
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 1: aware of when your like emotions are getting the best
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: of you, or you can point the figure out the
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 1: hormones and you just you just you were able to
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 1: come back and community. Like the communication aspect I thought was,
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 1: I thought you handled it well. I thought you were
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: a stud in the threat the entire journey, because there
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 1: were a lot of hard times, a lot of hard moments.
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I do remember very specifically though, when the nurse
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 2: was like, Hey, if you want to go on this
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 2: work trip, then we can just push another month, Like
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 2: we can just start next month. They just make it
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 2: so nonchalant, They're like, we're just start next month, And
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 2: in my mind, like I'm like that's the last thing
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 2: I want. But she did give me a choice. She's like,
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 2: if you want to go on this work trip and
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 2: it's important to you, then go on it and we'll
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 2: just do it when you get back. So I remember
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 2: I came home and I was like, oh, I'm really
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 2: torn on what to do, because like I really value
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 2: my career. I feel like I've been working on this
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 2: like one thing for a while, and I was pumped
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 2: to do it. And I remember like going for a
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 2: walk and I listened to a podcast and I and
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 2: then I took Rid to the playground and I kind
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 2: of like digested the podcast and I like really sat
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 2: with it. I'm like, do I want to go on
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 2: this work trip or do I want to prioritize doing
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 2: IVF sooner? And I landed on prioritizing IVF sooner. And
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 2: I think that was like a hard like moment for
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 2: me where it's like I had to I truly had
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 2: to sit with myself and make a choice what is
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 2: most important to me in this exact moment in time,
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 2: because it felt like it's like a trade off, right,
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 2: like you, I couldn't have both things, so kind of
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 2: like what you're saying, like thank you for like maybe
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 2: noticing that like and saying you admire it. But like you,
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 2: I feel like as a woman, I really had to
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 2: like choose and it's unfair, but it's just how it is.
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 2: So it's getting clear on my priorities. I think it
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 2: was hard to be honest with myself, Like if I'm
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 2: choosing this, does that mean I value career any less?
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 2: Does this mean I love my job any less? And
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 2: I don't think I do, But in that moment, that
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 2: was like what was needed for me. So it's and
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 2: I just had to like sit with myself for a
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 2: second and like understand, there's so many factors happening right now.
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 2: I don't know what's going to happen, but you thinks
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 2: because it just I don't know. Like you, I feel
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 2: like you were like kind of like recognizing that that
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 2: it was really hard. I don't know who's going with
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 2: that tough.
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and you also did a good job too. Like
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 1: again I talked about like the guilt of like doing
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 1: all the stuff that we get to do, like travel,
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 1: and you do all these things to where like, man,
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 1: should I opt out of doing this because I should
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 1: be home and I should be doing you know, these things,
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 1: And some options. It's like when it came to it,
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 1: it's like, hey, what's more important? It'd be like I
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 1: was staying home at this point. But I just feel
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 1: like with the stuff that we get to do, you're
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 1: always very like you're always as level headed as you
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 1: can be and as grace as you could be about
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 1: a tour. You never you never put me in a
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 1: spot to where I'm like choosing between two things, or
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 1: you never put me in a spot to I should
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 1: feel guilty for you to do this.
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 2: Because I feel like that could be again easy to do,
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 2: Like I can just it's unfair. I recognize that it's
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 2: not going to be just between the two of us,
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 2: and I can like resent that and like take it
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 2: out on you, or I could like try to really
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 2: like dig deep. Yeah yeah, I don't know, but I
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 2: was just impressed with we were strong, we got this,
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 2: We did it.
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 1: What do you wish someone had told you at the
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 1: start before I vif?
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 2: It's funny because I actually look back to I reached
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 2: out to this girl. I know, I'm not gonna say
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 2: her name, but she's in organ and she had gone
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 2: through IVF and I knew that she had gone through it,
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 2: and I reached out to her before I started the
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 2: process and just like anything you can give me. And
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 2: one of the first things she told me was like, essentially,
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 2: whatever timeline you have in your head, let go of it.
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 2: And easier said than done, clearly, because in my mind
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 2: I still had a timeline. But I can, like looking
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 2: back now, I can see why that is like the
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 2: most helpful advice. It's like, yes, you want to be
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 2: pregnant yesterday, and okay, you're taking this step in the
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 2: right direction or in this direction where there's some type
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 2: of semblance of control and like education and hope it's
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 2: gonna it's not over right, so like like over the
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 2: timeline in your brain and that'll just kind of like
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 2: make everything feel a little bit less pressure cooker, which
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 2: I did try to do actively in the moment didn't
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 2: always work. But that's what I would say to anyone,
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 2: and that's what I would not that I wish someone
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 2: said to me, because they did and it's helpful.
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 1: I need a quick break to go to the bathroom before.
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 2: We get into the parenting things.
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 1: I say one more thing, yes, please, before we get
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 1: into the parenting fun fun question.
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 2: You didn't ask me this, but I feel like if
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 2: I were to like try to give advice to someone
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 2: who's like in this right now, not again, not that
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 2: I know all the answers, only seek through my experience.
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 2: Just like celebrate the small the little victories, like the
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 2: little wins, like IVF is a long process, and I
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 2: just remember having there there were two people, two girlfriends
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 2: I reached out to you, like two people outside of
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 2: your partner who you can like celebrate the little things with,
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 2: who like know what you're going through and you can
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 2: support you in like really tiny ways. But I remember
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 2: after we got a retriever results and we got X
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 2: number of eggs, I messages person, I'm like, hey, we
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 2: got this number of eggs, little win, and then she
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 2: would celebrate with me. And then when we find out
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 2: how many embers we got, I like sent her that number.
• 1:14:02
  Speaker 2: So just like these little things like they're not actually
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 2: you having a baby, but there are like little steps
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 2: along the way to acknowledge, like to find like the
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 2: light and the hope in the process that I feel
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 2: like that was such a like helpful. Those are like
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 2: little moments that I like look back on, I'm like, wow,
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 2: that was it. I'm so happy. I celebrated that in
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 2: that moment, because again, it can potentially be really long
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 2: and it can be really hard, So taking them little
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 2: winds along the way.
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like just figuring out how to externally communicate stuff.
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and then with your partners just like totally communicate. Yeah.
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 2: If you keep it all inside, it's like, yeah, it's useless.
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you just it sits inside and you stir on
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 1: and everything else. I love that. Shall we get into
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 1: the that's funny, I say, I have fun parenting questions
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 1: the spotlight Mother's Day, but they are still just about you.
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 1: I'll read a few, and then our boy mentioned in
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 1: the back he can take over. How has being a
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 1: mom changed you?
• 1:15:11
  Speaker 2: It's so funny, I feel. I try to think about
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 2: the answers cities on the way here and maybe I
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 2: sho'll ask you, how's it change me? Babe?
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 1: Oh great questions, sweetheart. I think similarly we've touched on it.
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 1: We're very much people who like to be in control,
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 1: and when you have little ones like that's you ultimately
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 1: have to let that go. Like you can put structure,
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 1: you can do all the things where you want them to.
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 1: You want to raise them to be great human beings,
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 1: and but sometimes a lot of moments just call for
• 1:15:44
  Speaker 1: like feeling in those moments and just being present in
• 1:15:47
  Speaker 1: those moments. I feel like you're somebody who's very intentional
• 1:15:49
  Speaker 1: as a mother, and maybe you know it, maybe you
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 1: don't know it, but you challenge me to be a
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 1: better dad, Like when you you know you'll like lose
• 1:15:59
  Speaker 1: your phone all the time, Like you've become somebody who
• 1:16:01
  Speaker 1: will like set your phone down because you want to
• 1:16:03
  Speaker 1: intentionally be present with the kids, like when you're playing
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 1: with Rue, or you want to take Rue, Like yesterday,
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 1: you knew Ru that Ru was struggling when you left,
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 1: when you left to go to work yesterday, and so
• 1:16:14
  Speaker 1: when I was on my way home, You're like, hey,
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 1: how far out are you? I kind of want to
• 1:16:17
  Speaker 1: take Root of the park and get in some quality
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 1: of time because she hads you know, she had a
• 1:16:21
  Speaker 1: little mom this morning. It seems like she's missing mom
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 1: a little bit. But you are somebody who you love
• 1:16:28
  Speaker 1: to control and have timelines and be very tight, very tidy,
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 1: which I love and appreciate about you, even though sometimes
• 1:16:40
  Speaker 1: it drives me nuts. So knowing that there are a
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 1: lot of elements that you can't control and just being patient.
• 1:16:48
  Speaker 1: I think you do a really good job being patient
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 1: when ru is getting pissed off and she's like hyperventilating
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 1: and you just sit there and hugger and you're just
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 1: there for where I can get like frustrated, and you'll
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 1: just tell me like, hey, she just she doesn't know
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 1: how to control her big emotion. She just she almost
• 1:17:04
  Speaker 1: just needs you to sit with her and not like
• 1:17:06
  Speaker 1: say anything or do anything. You had some like being
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 1: patient the short term or whatever you said like last
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 1: week where you're talking about having a big moment or
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 1: you doing I forget what it was, but you being
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 1: like you wanting to do a better job of being
• 1:17:23
  Speaker 1: patient with her in like moments where she's not as
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 1: frustrated or mad versus like you felt like you you
• 1:17:32
  Speaker 1: you got a good grip on when she's like really
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 1: struggling or really having like a big emotion and like
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 1: sitting with her.
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 2: The distinction.
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Yeah, you're talking about like working on the
• 1:17:42
  Speaker 1: one that's like a more in the shorter term where
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 1: you get a little impatient or everybody kind of gets
• 1:17:47
  Speaker 1: a little Yeah, I mean.
• 1:17:48
  Speaker 2: I definitely get impatient with her sometimes, but.
• 1:17:50
  Speaker 1: I would say, that's how I've seen you kind of
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 1: change since motherhood is like you know, letting go. You're
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 1: much more fluid, You're you know, it's like, I know,
• 1:17:59
  Speaker 1: we read a book which i'd highly recommend to to
• 1:18:02
  Speaker 1: parents if you're looking into any type of sleep training.
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 1: But twelve weeks and twelve hours. I forget who it's by,
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 1: but it's a phenomenal. It's a great book. But it's
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 1: like introducing your kids into your world versus you changing
• 1:18:12
  Speaker 1: everything around our world to kind of fit the need
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 1: of the child. Like you're somebody. Whether it's hey, we're
• 1:18:17
  Speaker 1: at the farmer's market or we're going to go here
• 1:18:19
  Speaker 1: and it's during a nap time, they can just nap
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 1: on you and you'll you'll just be out there ripping
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 1: around whether they needed a nap, and it's like you
• 1:18:27
  Speaker 1: kind of just bring them with you versus like I'm
• 1:18:29
  Speaker 1: going to keep myself home because they need to be
• 1:18:31
  Speaker 1: on this structure, this timeline throughout the day at all times.
• 1:18:35
  Speaker 1: You'll just like we'll take them with us. You'll take
• 1:18:38
  Speaker 1: them with you if it's just you doing something. So yeah,
• 1:18:42
  Speaker 1: I would say that I've seen you change since becoming
• 1:18:45
  Speaker 1: a mom is more of just your fluidity and your patience.
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 1: And you didn't answer the question.
• 1:18:52
  Speaker 2: I kind of answered it, but honestly, yes, the thing
• 1:18:56
  Speaker 2: I would say most is like kind of like being
• 1:18:58
  Speaker 2: okay with not being in control and not necessarily okay.
• 1:19:01
  Speaker 2: I don't know if that'll ever change about me, like fundamentally,
• 1:19:05
  Speaker 2: like I like to have things structured as much as
• 1:19:08
  Speaker 2: I can, like control, be in control, but uh, I'm
• 1:19:12
  Speaker 2: just not in control. When you have children, you're just
• 1:19:15
  Speaker 2: not in control because they're their own little person and
• 1:19:18
  Speaker 2: they are going through all these things developmentally. So thank
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 2: you because that's something I feel like can be of
• 1:19:25
  Speaker 2: strength and also weakness. And I've let it go a little,
• 1:19:29
  Speaker 2: which is good.
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 1: What is the biggest mom L that you've taken?
• 1:19:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean when I was looking at thinking about this,
• 1:19:39
  Speaker 2: it's like clearly there's so many things that happened that
• 1:19:43
  Speaker 2: and I'm thinking more with like Rue because we've had
• 1:19:45
  Speaker 2: her for longer, like we've known her for longer, and
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 2: Scotti is like relatively new to the faan, but uh,
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 2: I don't necessarily think about L's like things that she's doing,
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 2: like if she's having a tantrum or she's having a
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 2: hard time or she is yelling at me or whatever
• 1:20:00
  Speaker 2: it is, like those are those are not el's for me.
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 2: Those are just like those are like challenges for me, right,
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 2: like I can figure out a way to meet at
• 1:20:09
  Speaker 2: meet her where she is and adapt, improvise, overcome, like
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 2: if there's poop all over me, I don't know. Those
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 2: are things that like happen to me that are not elves.
• 1:20:18
  Speaker 2: So I would say, like elve's personally would be when
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 2: I lose my cool. So I do remember there was
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 2: I do not recommend this, but I actually listened to
• 1:20:26
  Speaker 2: this podcast recently about like picky eaters and because you
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 2: know there was a big eater, but I mean generally, yeah, anyway,
• 1:20:35
  Speaker 2: you were not home, you were like traveling somewhere, because
• 1:20:37
  Speaker 2: that's like a common theme in this conversation. I was
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 2: sitting there she was probably like I don't know, sixteen
• 1:20:43
  Speaker 2: eighteen months, and I was trying her to get get
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 2: her to eat this like chicken. I was trying to
• 1:20:47
  Speaker 2: get her to eat the meal that I made her,
• 1:20:48
  Speaker 2: and it's just the two of us were sitting there
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 2: at home and she probably had like none of it,
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 2: and I knew it was a good food. She liked,
• 1:20:55
  Speaker 2: and I remember getting so frustrated with her that I
• 1:20:57
  Speaker 2: like eventually would like shove the food down her mouth
• 1:21:00
  Speaker 2: and she started choking and like vomited everywhere. They told
• 1:21:03
  Speaker 2: you about this.
• 1:21:04
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you did.
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 2: And I was like, that was the wrong decision, that
• 1:21:08
  Speaker 2: was the wrong call. That was that was on me.
• 1:21:11
  Speaker 2: And she's like in tears, like she's so upset, and
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 2: I'm like just like trying to be like it's almost
• 1:21:16
  Speaker 2: like out of spite and like pride and like eat
• 1:21:18
  Speaker 2: this food that I made for you don't recommend. That
• 1:21:23
  Speaker 2: was like a clear moment like that was that was
• 1:21:25
  Speaker 2: on me. And then of course I haven't done that again.
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 2: But it's like your your kid knows listen to them.
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I tell you what it is like negotiating with
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 1: a little terrorist when she's eating.
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 2: Dinner sometimes and sometimes it's though it's like roses and
• 1:21:40
  Speaker 2: she'll knock.
• 1:21:41
  Speaker 1: It all down. Clean play club where you always talk
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 1: about joining the clean plate club to make it like
• 1:21:46
  Speaker 1: a you know, you're trying to get in this tribe.
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but we don't necessarily want to be competitive.
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's like I want to be competitive.
• 1:21:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure, we're competitive us. I walk away, I
• 1:22:02
  Speaker 2: walk away feeling like I had an l if. I
• 1:22:04
  Speaker 2: like lost my patience. I very yelled at her, and
• 1:22:06
  Speaker 2: that's and then I'll walk away. I'm like, I'm a
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 2: bad mom. And then those are like opportunities to apologize.
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 1: I think, yeah, yeah, yeah, apologizing is a is a
• 1:22:16
  Speaker 1: big one. I've started to do those.
• 1:22:17
  Speaker 2: You have, I've noticed it's it's like, I think it's
• 1:22:20
  Speaker 2: pretty powerful. Honestly, Yeah, I hope. So I'm not being
• 1:22:23
  Speaker 2: I'm not joking. I'm being serious. Like that's some powerful
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 2: ship right there. You said, I'm sorry.
• 1:22:27
  Speaker 1: Wow, I bit you got you wanna you wanna run
• 1:22:32
  Speaker 1: through some Yeah?
• 1:22:33
  Speaker 4: What is we do this with players? When about their coaches?
• 1:22:37
  Speaker 4: What is your guys biggest pet peeve about each other?
• 1:22:43
  Speaker 1: Go ahead, it's it is Mother's Day. Is Mother's Day weekend?
• 1:22:47
  Speaker 1: So you can go first.
• 1:22:50
  Speaker 2: Pet peeve that we've learned to live with or just
• 1:22:51
  Speaker 2: pet peeve in general.
• 1:22:53
  Speaker 3: We can do one one that you've learned to live with,
• 1:22:55
  Speaker 3: be like this is not gonna change, but one it's like, bro,
• 1:22:58
  Speaker 3: pick it up.
• 1:22:59
  Speaker 2: I think my biggest type people with well is how
• 1:23:03
  Speaker 2: frequently you lose things.
• 1:23:07
  Speaker 3: That's our.
• 1:23:10
  Speaker 1: That reaction, Mitch, I'm not alone.
• 1:23:14
  Speaker 2: We have to give you your wallet, And he tried,
• 1:23:16
  Speaker 2: like it's not like sometimes I do think he's like trying,
• 1:23:19
  Speaker 2: like he's trying. He's sometimes he's trying his best, but
• 1:23:22
  Speaker 2: there are other times when you're not trying your best.
• 1:23:25
  Speaker 1: Okay, that was That was the learn to live with?
• 1:23:29
  Speaker 2: No, that was, Yeah, the one I learned to live
• 1:23:32
  Speaker 2: with is like lights on, lights on, You just leave
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 2: the lights on everywhere.
• 1:23:37
  Speaker 1: Listen to Bargozi's recent stand up.
• 1:23:40
  Speaker 2: Hey, those three cents of energy matter, and I care
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 2: about our earth.
• 1:23:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, oh did you turn the light? Did you turn
• 1:23:47
  Speaker 1: those lights off? On? Again? It Ney Barazi crushes this bit,
• 1:23:52
  Speaker 1: but I'm thinking the same thing. It's like, dude, we
• 1:23:55
  Speaker 1: can't even see what's going on outside out there in
• 1:23:57
  Speaker 1: the living room, Like maybe I left the pantry light on,
• 1:23:59
  Speaker 1: but what's the matter of relaying in bed right now?
• 1:24:02
  Speaker 1: Just go to sleep.
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 2: I can see the light from the from my bedroom.
• 1:24:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but you'll it's like so minimal.
• 1:24:10
  Speaker 2: I can feel it on.
• 1:24:11
  Speaker 1: It's so minimal to where Charle will have to get
• 1:24:14
  Speaker 1: up out of the bed and go.
• 1:24:15
  Speaker 2: It's like it's it's like kind of like the like
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 2: fundamentally it's wasteful whatever. Uh that like it takes like
• 1:24:27
  Speaker 2: negative seconds.
• 1:24:28
  Speaker 3: But if I'm walking out, that's just something you do.
• 1:24:33
  Speaker 2: I didn't know mentioned to me on my team.
• 1:24:34
  Speaker 4: I'm sorry because that's a pet peeve I have of
• 1:24:37
  Speaker 4: my roommates as they leave them lights on everywhere too, But.
• 1:24:40
  Speaker 1: Throughout the day, to me, that doesn't matter. You're going
• 1:24:42
  Speaker 1: to go back in the room at some point.
• 1:24:45
  Speaker 2: Light That point fair And that's not how you live
• 1:24:49
  Speaker 2: your life. You live the light on and then you
• 1:24:51
  Speaker 2: leave the house, or you leave the light on and
• 1:24:52
  Speaker 2: then it's nighttime, you know what I mean? Like, it's
• 1:24:54
  Speaker 2: not that's not always a fair argument.
• 1:24:56
  Speaker 1: Well, if I leave the house, I'm going to come
• 1:24:57
  Speaker 1: back to the house. I want lights on in case
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 1: you know, people say there's lights on the house.
• 1:25:03
  Speaker 2: That's your biggest object about me?
• 1:25:05
  Speaker 1: M man, where do I start? Ah, I don't know
• 1:25:13
  Speaker 1: how to put it into one particular thing, but.
• 1:25:16
  Speaker 2: It's your Like, uh, I just feel like I know
• 1:25:21
  Speaker 2: what you're gonna say. What embracing myself for impact.
• 1:25:25
  Speaker 1: Go ahead and say no, no, no, you go. I
• 1:25:27
  Speaker 1: was just going to say, like, like how things have
• 1:25:33
  Speaker 1: to be a certain way? Do you know what I mean.
• 1:25:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm laughing because you just re complimenting the fact
• 1:25:46
  Speaker 2: that I had gotten more fluid as a as a parent.
• 1:25:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah. It just feels like you can get like impatient
• 1:25:54
  Speaker 1: and stressed over the smallest things and you don't Here's
• 1:25:57
  Speaker 1: the thing, though, Mitch, you don't know what's big thing
• 1:26:01
  Speaker 1: until the big thing just happens. Like you think you're
• 1:26:03
  Speaker 1: You're like, hey, you know, we're in a good little
• 1:26:04
  Speaker 1: rhythm of here. I'm kind of crushing it. I've developed
• 1:26:06
  Speaker 1: more as a husband and a dad, and you know,
• 1:26:09
  Speaker 1: you're like challenging yourself to be better in certain areas
• 1:26:12
  Speaker 1: and you think it's going well, and then something happens
• 1:26:14
  Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden it's not going well
• 1:26:18
  Speaker 1: and then they make you feel like you've made no
• 1:26:20
  Speaker 1: progress whatsoever right here. Sorry, So it's like, uh, you know, yeah,
• 1:26:30
  Speaker 1: whatever that is the uh.
• 1:26:32
  Speaker 2: That seems that seems like more than a pet peeve.
• 1:26:34
  Speaker 2: But it's cool.
• 1:26:35
  Speaker 1: We've talked about the therapy we have. Yeah, we've we've
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 1: we've talked about how to.
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 2: Communicate with you, and we've learned that you are an
• 1:26:42
  Speaker 2: athlete and what you require is positive affirmation, more positive
• 1:26:47
  Speaker 2: affirmation than negative potentially perceived Yeah.
• 1:26:50
  Speaker 1: Bro that when Doc was breaking it down and talking
• 1:26:52
  Speaker 1: about any athlete she's worked with, Sorry if you guys
• 1:26:55
  Speaker 1: heard that in the background, any athlete she's worked with,
• 1:26:59
  Speaker 1: like they need more or positive affirmation, well, yeah than
• 1:27:05
  Speaker 1: anything because we've lived our life of such like a
• 1:27:08
  Speaker 1: performance base, Like we need our coaches to be proud,
• 1:27:10
  Speaker 1: We need our coaches to kind of, you know, tell
• 1:27:12
  Speaker 1: us we're doing a good job, because when you get
• 1:27:14
  Speaker 1: negative comments, it just feeds this psyche and you because
• 1:27:17
  Speaker 1: you feel like whether it's you're gonna be cut, whether
• 1:27:19
  Speaker 1: you're not doing good enough, you want to do all
• 1:27:21
  Speaker 1: these things to where it's like you need these positive
• 1:27:24
  Speaker 1: words of affirmation a lot more than anything else. When
• 1:27:27
  Speaker 1: she broke it down, it's like, there's parts of your ideas, yeah,
• 1:27:31
  Speaker 1: And I'm thinking yeah, because when I want her to
• 1:27:33
  Speaker 1: like land stuff with me, it's like through a joke
• 1:27:35
  Speaker 1: or through something else versus like a moment happening and
• 1:27:39
  Speaker 1: it's like, hey, what are you gonna do with this mail?
• 1:27:41
  Speaker 1: It's like can we not watch this show right now?
• 1:27:43
  Speaker 1: Or can I not just get to it tomorrow? I
• 1:27:45
  Speaker 1: set it right there in the policy's like this pou
• 1:27:46
  Speaker 1: builds up over time, all these boxes you have, it's
• 1:27:49
  Speaker 1: like Christmas here every day. When you gonna take that?
• 1:27:51
  Speaker 1: When are you gonna open these boxes?
• 1:27:54
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 1:27:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I need to get to those feel me.
• 1:28:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm do my best. Did not respond, I'm gonna
• 1:28:03
  Speaker 2: not respond. I'm just gonna take it.
• 1:28:05
  Speaker 1: No, I feel I say it out loud and I
• 1:28:07
  Speaker 1: hear myself say it and I get it. But it's like, well,
• 1:28:11
  Speaker 1: we're gonna do this right now over Sunday night. We're
• 1:28:13
  Speaker 1: trying to watch a show right now, like Severence is on,
• 1:28:17
  Speaker 1: Like can you just relax and calm down? Like you know,
• 1:28:22
  Speaker 1: what's another pep beeve?
• 1:28:23
  Speaker 2: Oh we're doing multiple cool.
• 1:28:25
  Speaker 1: I was gonna ask the next question, go hey, yeah,
• 1:28:27
  Speaker 1: let's just we'll get out of that when you can
• 1:28:29
  Speaker 1: ask the next question.
• 1:28:30
  Speaker 4: What is the dumbest argument you guys have gotten into,
• 1:28:33
  Speaker 4: whether it's when you first started dating, early in a marriage,
• 1:28:36
  Speaker 4: when you first moved in together, dumbest argument?
• 1:28:38
  Speaker 1: What are you thinking of?
• 1:28:40
  Speaker 2: Honeymoon?
• 1:28:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, honey, Well and I got on one fighter.
• 1:28:44
  Speaker 2: On her honeymoon, one fight on her honeymoon, and it
• 1:28:46
  Speaker 2: was so dumb. It was so dumb but also not
• 1:28:51
  Speaker 2: we will say it wasn't dumb. I'll say it was dumb. Okay,
• 1:28:58
  Speaker 2: clearly I love lattes. I'm gonna take some credit. I
• 1:29:01
  Speaker 2: got you on lattes back in the day, Victory lattes.
• 1:29:06
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 1:29:06
  Speaker 2: Anyway, I have my latte every morning with simple syrup
• 1:29:11
  Speaker 2: in it, which is sugar. Simple syrup is sugar and water.
• 1:29:14
  Speaker 2: And Bill doesn't like that. Will does not like that
• 1:29:17
  Speaker 2: I start my day with sugar. So we got into
• 1:29:21
  Speaker 2: a fight.
• 1:29:25
  Speaker 1: You said, dumb.
• 1:29:27
  Speaker 2: Argument just finished our boor boor. We were in California,
• 1:29:31
  Speaker 2: like wine country, and we're like pulling into this coffee
• 1:29:33
  Speaker 2: shop and I was driving and and I we just
• 1:29:37
  Speaker 2: gotten our lattes, and I had sugar in my latte,
• 1:29:40
  Speaker 2: and I think I maybe had to go back and
• 1:29:41
  Speaker 2: get a little more because I like my she could
• 1:29:44
  Speaker 2: like artificially sweet, but I like it like sweet enough
• 1:29:47
  Speaker 2: so that like it's just like tastes nice. Like I'm like, oh,
• 1:29:49
  Speaker 2: this is my latte. It's like what I look forward
• 1:29:52
  Speaker 2: to in the morning. And I think he was like
• 1:29:54
  Speaker 2: pissed that I like went back and got more sugar,
• 1:29:58
  Speaker 2: and he let me know. We got in the car
• 1:30:00
  Speaker 2: and we started he got in a fight. We like
• 1:30:01
  Speaker 2: gotten like a heated debate where we like we're not
• 1:30:03
  Speaker 2: talking to each other for like maybe like six hours.
• 1:30:08
  Speaker 2: I also went on a walk with the cows.
• 1:30:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, out in California.
• 1:30:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I almost like wrecked the car because we
• 1:30:13
  Speaker 2: were like fighting so like kind of heatedly.
• 1:30:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah. It's like with those things, MAT's like I can't
• 1:30:23
  Speaker 1: wait to hear I'll try and make sense of this.
• 1:30:26
  Speaker 2: He wants me to take care of myself. He wants
• 1:30:27
  Speaker 2: me to live a long, healthy life, right.
• 1:30:30
  Speaker 1: Yes, But also it's like say you got your partner
• 1:30:35
  Speaker 1: or one of your boys, and you know, you see
• 1:30:39
  Speaker 1: that the habits that they have. Charles like her day
• 1:30:41
  Speaker 1: starts with a simple syrup isolate or with the bagel
• 1:30:48
  Speaker 1: like bread like that my turns on and you know,
• 1:30:54
  Speaker 1: like they've made comments about like you know, you know
• 1:30:57
  Speaker 1: they're in the health, you know they're in all these things,
• 1:31:01
  Speaker 1: and so you try and drop hints of hey, you
• 1:31:04
  Speaker 1: start your day with sugar. There's a lot of like
• 1:31:10
  Speaker 1: negative you know, negative things that kind of can like
• 1:31:13
  Speaker 1: domino effect with like your blood glucose. I'm not going
• 1:31:16
  Speaker 1: to get in all the heubre men all the Huberman stuff,
• 1:31:20
  Speaker 1: the data that backs all of this. But so it's like,
• 1:31:25
  Speaker 1: then you might have a common ground conversation that's like,
• 1:31:27
  Speaker 1: oh yeah, maybe I'll start tapering off, and then it
• 1:31:29
  Speaker 1: gets somewhere they're going back up for more sugar, and
• 1:31:32
  Speaker 1: you're just like, hey, when you're going to start tapering
• 1:31:34
  Speaker 1: down the sugar or get it to where hey, you know,
• 1:31:36
  Speaker 1: if you just go a little bit at a time,
• 1:31:38
  Speaker 1: next thing, you know, you're drinking black coffee. That's kind
• 1:31:39
  Speaker 1: of how we all start. I was a sugary guy,
• 1:31:42
  Speaker 1: you know. I make a coffee, pour a creamer in it,
• 1:31:46
  Speaker 1: a couple of sweet and lows, a couple of sugar packets.
• 1:31:50
  Speaker 1: I agree, and got that out of my life, got
• 1:31:53
  Speaker 1: that out of my system. It was a journey, but
• 1:31:55
  Speaker 1: I got there. So you're like wanting the same thing
• 1:31:57
  Speaker 1: for them because you know they're conscious about they're wanting
• 1:32:00
  Speaker 1: to be healthy and all of these things. And it's like,
• 1:32:02
  Speaker 1: maybe we start from the first hour of our day,
• 1:32:06
  Speaker 1: and so that's kind of you know, I probably you know,
• 1:32:08
  Speaker 1: I probably made an offhand comment and it just it's
• 1:32:11
  Speaker 1: steamrolled from there. But that's where it was coming from
• 1:32:13
  Speaker 1: for myself. It wasn't like, you know, hey, why are
• 1:32:17
  Speaker 1: you drinking sugar coffee? Like this ising how we're doing marriage,
• 1:32:20
  Speaker 1: Like you're gonna change this shit right now. It was
• 1:32:23
  Speaker 1: more of like, I know she's made comments before about stuff,
• 1:32:25
  Speaker 1: and it's like, hey, this is a simple thing that
• 1:32:26
  Speaker 1: you could start to work on. Cut out whatever it is. Again,
• 1:32:31
  Speaker 1: mistake went about it the wrong way.
• 1:32:34
  Speaker 2: Would you say that we live relatively healthy lives?
• 1:32:38
  Speaker 1: Sure? I guess it depends on your expectation.
• 1:32:41
  Speaker 2: And healthy Okay, so that's a no for me.
• 1:32:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Like for me, like I would say, I guess overall,
• 1:32:48
  Speaker 1: like you know, relatively speaking, I would say, yeah, I
• 1:32:51
  Speaker 1: live a healthier life, but I fall short of like
• 1:32:53
  Speaker 1: what my I want my expectations to be for myself,
• 1:32:55
  Speaker 1: So I'll get in like a bad mood.
• 1:32:58
  Speaker 2: But sure, yeah, yeah, are you get another fav right now?
• 1:33:01
  Speaker 1: No, I'm just trying to explain myself because I know
• 1:33:04
  Speaker 1: the audience is out there listen, like, damn, what's at
• 1:33:06
  Speaker 1: her throat over a cup of coffee?
• 1:33:10
  Speaker 2: I still have the same lots every morning?
• 1:33:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah she does, and it is tacy. It's a tasty
• 1:33:14
  Speaker 1: little treat.
• 1:33:16
  Speaker 4: Next question, will this one's not on your sheet, but
• 1:33:21
  Speaker 4: Will talks to us as like communicating and being better
• 1:33:26
  Speaker 4: at communication.
• 1:33:27
  Speaker 3: How has Will gotten better at communication.
• 1:33:29
  Speaker 4: Since you guys have been married from when it's time
• 1:33:32
  Speaker 4: we first started dating too, now like we first gotten
• 1:33:36
  Speaker 4: married to now with kids.
• 1:33:37
  Speaker 1: This is a Mitch question.
• 1:33:39
  Speaker 2: Wow, this kind of like deeper.
• 1:33:41
  Speaker 4: Right, He's been like me and Will have had our
• 1:33:43
  Speaker 4: conversations about communication and stuff within.
• 1:33:46
  Speaker 2: A relationship or just like in general, well, work relationship,
• 1:33:49
  Speaker 2: personal relationship stuff like that.
• 1:33:50
  Speaker 4: So how is he because he's like teaching me, I'm like,
• 1:33:54
  Speaker 4: I wonder how he's gotten better himself.
• 1:33:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean great question, match, Wow, I know
• 1:34:02
  Speaker 2: why you work here?
• 1:34:03
  Speaker 1: Thing?
• 1:34:04
  Speaker 2: Maybe the big books.
• 1:34:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:34:07
  Speaker 2: Overall, I think our communication has improved like exponentially. I
• 1:34:11
  Speaker 2: think for me personally, my personal journey, I was not
• 1:34:15
  Speaker 2: a good communicator. I never really had like a lot
• 1:34:17
  Speaker 2: of exposure to it. It wasn't really talked about this
• 1:34:20
  Speaker 2: kind of longer term relationship I was in. I feel
• 1:34:22
  Speaker 2: like our communication was very bad. Sorry, I've been talking
• 1:34:25
  Speaker 2: so much. You just talk all day like this and
• 1:34:27
  Speaker 2: your voice just goes. And I remember a close friend
• 1:34:30
  Speaker 2: of mine kind of just for me, she was in
• 1:34:34
  Speaker 2: this really great relationship she's not married to him, Susan
• 1:34:37
  Speaker 2: shout out Susan, and she kind of like emphasized the
• 1:34:40
  Speaker 2: importance of the communication. I was like, oh, cool, Like
• 1:34:42
  Speaker 2: what's that about. Let me give that a shot. So
• 1:34:44
  Speaker 2: I think when you and I first started dating, it
• 1:34:46
  Speaker 2: was kind of like when I was like, this is
• 1:34:47
  Speaker 2: important to me. I see that this healthy relationship is
• 1:34:50
  Speaker 2: modeled by communication. So I'm going to try and emulate that.
• 1:34:53
  Speaker 2: Whatever that means. However uncomfortable it is, let's do this.
• 1:34:56
  Speaker 2: And you were not really a good commune. I don't
• 1:34:58
  Speaker 2: think you were a good communicator. I would say overall,
• 1:35:00
  Speaker 2: you were not one. You probably had a similar story
• 1:35:03
  Speaker 2: like you guys like your upbringing. Not no fault to anyone,
• 1:35:07
  Speaker 2: but it's like we just didn't have that exposure. Overall.
• 1:35:09
  Speaker 1: You just don't know how to I just don't know
• 1:35:11
  Speaker 1: how to.
• 1:35:11
  Speaker 2: Communicate, yeah, especially like kind of like talking about feelings
• 1:35:15
  Speaker 2: and talking about like what's going on inside of you
• 1:35:17
  Speaker 2: and like how certain things or words like how you're
• 1:35:21
  Speaker 2: responding to them internally, like just vocalizing what's happening. So
• 1:35:26
  Speaker 2: I think I kind of like had to like pull
• 1:35:28
  Speaker 2: that out of you a little bit, especially in the
• 1:35:29
  Speaker 2: beginning when we were not like official for a while,
• 1:35:33
  Speaker 2: that was tough. And then even just like dating, it
• 1:35:37
  Speaker 2: was like a practice. It was just like all right,
• 1:35:39
  Speaker 2: that didn't work, We'll try we'll try it again. You know,
• 1:35:42
  Speaker 2: I'm not sure like how it stuck. But overall, I
• 1:35:45
  Speaker 2: think right now, like now we look at us currently
• 1:35:48
  Speaker 2: with two kids, married for four years, shout out anniversary,
• 1:35:55
  Speaker 2: I would say like our we're like overall we communicate
• 1:35:59
  Speaker 2: while with you each other, Like there's times that will
• 1:36:01
  Speaker 2: mess up and things won't land or we like let
• 1:36:04
  Speaker 2: our emotions get the best of us, but we have
• 1:36:07
  Speaker 2: like a lot of awareness about it and we just
• 1:36:09
  Speaker 2: like recognize it as being important so we can always
• 1:36:12
  Speaker 2: kind of like fall back on it.
• 1:36:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you're answering Mitch's question.
• 1:36:19
  Speaker 2: So great job. Well, yeah, a great job, great job,
• 1:36:22
  Speaker 2: pausit affirmation you're doing great.
• 1:36:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. It's like I feel like for a lot
• 1:36:27
  Speaker 1: for most men, it's like learning how to communicate.
• 1:36:30
  Speaker 2: I do think it's like, uh, there's a vulnerability aspect.
• 1:36:33
  Speaker 1: You feel like if you're being vulnerable and you talk
• 1:36:35
  Speaker 1: about your emotions, you're like weak. You see it as
• 1:36:37
  Speaker 1: like weakness, and we do such a job like we
• 1:36:40
  Speaker 1: try and navigate how to internalize it and then how
• 1:36:42
  Speaker 1: to kind of harness it, whether it's motivation or doing
• 1:36:45
  Speaker 1: something different. You just try, and it's like you're trying
• 1:36:47
  Speaker 1: to solve these problems on your own because you don't.
• 1:36:49
  Speaker 1: You don't want to, like, you don't want to be
• 1:36:51
  Speaker 1: the external and verbal about how you're feeling, because again,
• 1:36:54
  Speaker 1: it's it almost like you know, as.
• 1:36:56
  Speaker 2: A man, you feel it is like a sign of
• 1:36:58
  Speaker 2: weakness or like leverage.
• 1:37:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just feel like over time,
• 1:37:03
  Speaker 1: whether it's been through therapy or through any books that
• 1:37:05
  Speaker 1: I've picked up that's on like communication, you just see
• 1:37:08
  Speaker 1: the entire world of how to communicate and what it
• 1:37:11
  Speaker 1: looks like and how to like label emotions and then
• 1:37:14
  Speaker 1: go from that emotion, or you know, just learning about
• 1:37:17
  Speaker 1: like asking asking questions, asking yourself questions and how to
• 1:37:22
  Speaker 1: externalize you know, what's going on inside. I feel like
• 1:37:25
  Speaker 1: has been like super helpful for myself because yeah, it's
• 1:37:29
  Speaker 1: like I look back and I see how that's like
• 1:37:31
  Speaker 1: a oh, that was a weak spot of mine for sure,
• 1:37:37
  Speaker 1: Cause again it's you. You grow up, you play sports,
• 1:37:40
  Speaker 1: you do all these things, and it's like you're just
• 1:37:42
  Speaker 1: like you're a lot of your stuff is through performance
• 1:37:46
  Speaker 1: and not like you know, taking a moment through each
• 1:37:48
  Speaker 1: thing and then obstacle that happens to sit there and
• 1:37:50
  Speaker 1: be vulnerable and talk about like how you're feeling. It's
• 1:37:52
  Speaker 1: like you don't have time to think about your feelings.
• 1:37:54
  Speaker 1: And I think you have time for is to get
• 1:37:56
  Speaker 1: back out there, like you know, work harder, do better,
• 1:37:58
  Speaker 1: figure it out.
• 1:37:59
  Speaker 2: I mean, I think there's a place for that too,
• 1:38:01
  Speaker 2: Like yeah.
• 1:38:02
  Speaker 1: It's both absolutely, absolutely, but it's like just growing up
• 1:38:05
  Speaker 1: in that like model, always wanting to be you know,
• 1:38:08
  Speaker 1: like go after football and just being being an athlete.
• 1:38:11
  Speaker 1: It's like it just kind of like callouses you or
• 1:38:14
  Speaker 1: you think it does until it's.
• 1:38:16
  Speaker 2: Like always say something like yeah I might like someone
• 1:38:20
  Speaker 2: might think less of me. Yes, yeah, yeah, sounds like
• 1:38:24
  Speaker 2: on training.
• 1:38:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, next question might be my last one. I don't know.
• 1:38:29
  Speaker 3: Kind of up to you guys. We've been going for
• 1:38:30
  Speaker 3: an hour forty oh yeah.
• 1:38:33
  Speaker 4: What is something that Rude does now that makes you
• 1:38:36
  Speaker 4: excited both of you for who she will become? And
• 1:38:38
  Speaker 4: like kind of going off of that, what's it something
• 1:38:41
  Speaker 4: down the road that you're excited for both Rue and
• 1:38:43
  Speaker 4: Scottie like when they're older or like their next milestone.
• 1:38:47
  Speaker 3: Like what is that.
• 1:38:49
  Speaker 1: Scotty's just about to be six months old, So I
• 1:38:51
  Speaker 1: think it's kind of hard. Like right now, she sleeps
• 1:38:53
  Speaker 1: really well knock on wood, and she's always smiling. She's
• 1:38:58
  Speaker 1: she's like an easier baby than what was. But I
• 1:39:01
  Speaker 1: don't really know, like what her personality is that like
• 1:39:03
  Speaker 1: excites me with rue. I it's hard to like, you know,
• 1:39:10
  Speaker 1: be like, oh I got high hopes or I have
• 1:39:11
  Speaker 1: these expectations, but just like, uh, I don't know. Man.
• 1:39:15
  Speaker 1: She's very independent, she's got a little sass to her.
• 1:39:19
  Speaker 1: She's like her spirit is awesome. She loves to play.
• 1:39:22
  Speaker 1: It seems like she's gonna look like be into sports.
• 1:39:25
  Speaker 1: I don't know if it's ballet, whatever that stuff is.
• 1:39:28
  Speaker 1: I'm excited about that stuff.
• 1:39:30
  Speaker 2: Let's be honest. You're excited about her being an athlete.
• 1:39:32
  Speaker 1: I'm excited about her potentially being an athlete. Cause I
• 1:39:34
  Speaker 1: don't want to like put that expectation on her, but
• 1:39:36
  Speaker 1: I am excited about it. I do think she has
• 1:39:38
  Speaker 1: it in her, and I do think it excites her
• 1:39:39
  Speaker 1: when she does stuff outside. She's very uh, she's very
• 1:39:45
  Speaker 1: good with Scottie, and she like Rue's are wherever her
• 1:39:48
  Speaker 1: emotions and she's vocal. I feel like she knows how
• 1:39:53
  Speaker 1: to talk through things. She like you know, loves to teach,
• 1:39:56
  Speaker 1: Like when she learns something in ballet or whatever she learns,
• 1:39:59
  Speaker 1: she seems like love to be a teacher, which is
• 1:40:01
  Speaker 1: something you're gonna have to like also real in. But
• 1:40:03
  Speaker 1: I feel like she could be like a leader of
• 1:40:05
  Speaker 1: some sort one day. You just hope that she's going
• 1:40:07
  Speaker 1: to be, you know, a confident woman, somebody who's somebody
• 1:40:10
  Speaker 1: who feels confident in any room they walk into, somebody
• 1:40:13
  Speaker 1: who wants to bring value in any room they walk into.
• 1:40:15
  Speaker 1: And I feel like she has some of those some
• 1:40:18
  Speaker 1: of those intangible qualities. And again I'm her dad, so
• 1:40:21
  Speaker 1: I am biased, but I do feel like, I don't know,
• 1:40:25
  Speaker 1: I'm excited to like watch her grow up and just
• 1:40:28
  Speaker 1: to like be her dad, because I feel like she's
• 1:40:30
  Speaker 1: very receptive to talking with us and communicating and thinking.
• 1:40:34
  Speaker 1: Like she's somebody who's very aware and observant and asks
• 1:40:36
  Speaker 1: a lot of questions. And she can recite these bedtime stories,
• 1:40:40
  Speaker 1: she can recite that book. Her memory is insane, you know,
• 1:40:43
  Speaker 1: I know, my dad and I sound.
• 1:40:45
  Speaker 2: Biased, like no songs after listening like two or three times.
• 1:40:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, same of the books. Yeah,
• 1:40:50
  Speaker 1: It's like I'm just, uh, I'm excited to see. I'm
• 1:40:53
  Speaker 1: excited to see.
• 1:40:55
  Speaker 2: But she's such a performer. She like loves an audience
• 1:40:58
  Speaker 2: and she loves to like perform, Yeah, which I mean,
• 1:41:01
  Speaker 2: where did she get that from? Both of us?
• 1:41:05
  Speaker 1: I guess more you yeah, yeah, yeah, the tunnels. She's
• 1:41:10
  Speaker 1: half and everybody do things Jack go outside, you know,
• 1:41:12
  Speaker 1: she's hide seek yeah, hide and seek. Yeah. So she
• 1:41:17
  Speaker 1: is a little performer, though she does love it, which
• 1:41:19
  Speaker 1: is cool.
• 1:41:20
  Speaker 2: I mean, not every kid is like that.
• 1:41:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:41:23
  Speaker 2: So I think I'm excited to watch that bloom but
• 1:41:24
  Speaker 2: with Scotty and Route together, like because like you said,
• 1:41:28
  Speaker 2: Scotty just kind of she just truly the happiest baby,
• 1:41:30
  Speaker 2: which I hope plays into her personality overall, Like she'll
• 1:41:33
  Speaker 2: just be like chill and yeah, who knows, who knows,
• 1:41:36
  Speaker 2: who knows. But I just can't wait to see them
• 1:41:39
  Speaker 2: kind of like play together and like talk to each
• 1:41:41
  Speaker 2: other and like Scotty thing is already learning from real
• 1:41:43
  Speaker 2: so like the way their relationship will kind of like
• 1:41:45
  Speaker 2: unfold more as Scotty gets bigger and can do more
• 1:41:49
  Speaker 2: things other than like.
• 1:41:52
  Speaker 1: Right, because you notice now like Scotti is just so
• 1:41:56
  Speaker 1: fascinated by Rue, and you can just tell she's super
• 1:41:58
  Speaker 1: into Rude watches her lot, like won't notice probably sitting
• 1:42:02
  Speaker 1: there watching Scotty and she's like watching Rue. It's smiling
• 1:42:05
  Speaker 1: and ru entertains hers. So it is going to be
• 1:42:07
  Speaker 1: really cool when and.
• 1:42:08
  Speaker 2: Like those are like two separate beings that are like
• 1:42:10
  Speaker 2: not us. They'll have like their own relationship, which is
• 1:42:14
  Speaker 2: really crazy.
• 1:42:18
  Speaker 3: I thought of one last one.
• 1:42:19
  Speaker 1: Go ahead.
• 1:42:20
  Speaker 4: This is a this is more of a question kind
• 1:42:23
  Speaker 4: of for me, what made you catch what caught your
• 1:42:27
  Speaker 4: eye about Will with those teeth?
• 1:42:30
  Speaker 1: Great question, I mean it's a question for you.
• 1:42:36
  Speaker 3: No, it was tough.
• 1:42:37
  Speaker 2: It's like the rest of it just like evened it out.
• 1:42:40
  Speaker 1: You look back and it's like, yeah, it was a ballplayer.
• 1:42:43
  Speaker 2: Like that was not a factor for me.
• 1:42:46
  Speaker 1: I'm sure it was a little maybe like really like
• 1:42:49
  Speaker 1: a factor, but yeah, subconsciously, it's like like that.
• 1:42:52
  Speaker 2: Comes with ambition and drive and like athleticism and I
• 1:42:55
  Speaker 2: don't know what else.
• 1:42:57
  Speaker 3: And how excited were you when you got the new teeth?
• 1:43:00
  Speaker 1: I told well, she was telling me not to get them.
• 1:43:03
  Speaker 2: I didn't tell you not to get them. I told
• 1:43:05
  Speaker 2: you do what's going to make you happy. I said,
• 1:43:06
  Speaker 2: I'll be happy either way, and I truly mean that.
• 1:43:10
  Speaker 2: I still mean it.
• 1:43:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, gotta feel good. It does feel good. It does
• 1:43:14
  Speaker 1: feel good. You think she loves the investment of the
• 1:43:18
  Speaker 1: new teeth, there's no question.
• 1:43:19
  Speaker 2: About Yeah, obviously he looks great.
• 1:43:21
  Speaker 1: It's like you look back at old photos and we're
• 1:43:23
  Speaker 1: both kind of like Jesus Man.
• 1:43:24
  Speaker 2: I mean, yeah us was that you? Your neck is
• 1:43:29
  Speaker 2: like you and like your haircuts a little sometimes your
• 1:43:34
  Speaker 2: haircuts are a little debatable. Yeah, yeah, and you just
• 1:43:39
  Speaker 2: didn't smile. So I think what I love the most
• 1:43:41
  Speaker 2: about Will's new teeth is that he smiles his real
• 1:43:44
  Speaker 2: smile now or you used to hide your smile and
• 1:43:47
  Speaker 2: you kind of like had to. You were like a
• 1:43:48
  Speaker 2: part of you was almost like a little bit ashamed
• 1:43:50
  Speaker 2: of like who you were and like what you look like.
• 1:43:52
  Speaker 1: WHOA For sure, I was definitely insecure about them. A
• 1:43:54
  Speaker 1: little chicklets my mouth.
• 1:43:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so it's like this is giving you like some confidence.
• 1:44:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, sweetheart, thank you for yeah, I know, appreciate
• 1:44:05
  Speaker 1: you for coming on. I do hope people, couples, men,
• 1:44:09
  Speaker 1: women got something out of this, whether you're going through
• 1:44:12
  Speaker 1: something right now in fertility, or you're thinking about it,
• 1:44:14
  Speaker 1: or you're just curious. I'm meeting my wife and getting
• 1:44:17
  Speaker 1: to know us. Shout out everybody for tuning in again.
• 1:44:20
  Speaker 1: Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful mothers out there.
• 1:44:23
  Speaker 1: Happy Mother's Day to you sweethearts. Yeah, if you enjoyed
• 1:44:29
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• 1:44:32
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• 1:44:35
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