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Paul DiVincenzo - Fatherhood, Authentic Leadership · Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Riley and I'm writer, and this is my dad's show.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Hey everybody, it's Casey Jaycox with the quarterback dadcast and, as I mentioned, we have some new sponsors joining us on this fantastic journey of podcasting and supporting us dads.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Well, let me talk to you about it.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: It's called the Authentic Edge.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: It's a brand new podcast that's going to be coming out in the next month.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: I can't wait for you to listen because, specifically, both of the hosts, paul Defensenzo and Jason DeLuca, are going to be guests on my podcast, and so you're going to be able to hear them, and I know, once you hear their story, you're going to love listening to their podcast, which is called the authentic edge.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: So what is this podcast?
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: Well, it's going to be a show that dives deep into the journey in the hearts of genuine relationships in the workplace, how they're established.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: They're going to talk about an uncover the profound impact that authenticity has on establishing instant trust, fostering these longterm partnerships and creating serendipitous connections that evolve into endearing business and personal relationships.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Now I can tell you specifically that's how I met both of these dudes.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: They're fantastic dads, or fantastic human beings, and I can't wait you can't wait to have you listen to them when they join me on my show.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: So without further ado, let's get right to today's episode on the quarterback dadcast.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: Hey everybody, it's Casey Jaycox with the quarterback dadcast.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: We are in season five and every time I say that I get a little smile.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: It makes me feel like holy cow.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: We're still doing this thing and this episode only happens because of the fantastic Mark Nussbaum, a massive Bruce Brinkstein fan, a gentleman at the powerful Dexion who become a big fan of great friend Mark Chattatou brother.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: He introduced us to our next guest, paul Defensenso, at the luxurious and fantastic tech serve executive conference where we met in Emilia Island back in November.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: He is the national revenue leader at Indeedcom, or Indeed.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: You might have heard of them.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: He's a people process tech guy.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: He spent time at Sintos and Gartner.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: He's an adopted boiler maker but more importantly, he is here to talk to me about Paul the dad and how he's working hard to become that ultimate quarterback or leader of his household.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: So further ado, paulie.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the quarterback dadcast.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: Thanks, super happy to be here.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: How about that intro first time?
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: No no one tape.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: That is amazing.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: It's a pro year five.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: No, no, baby, All right.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: So we always start each episode with gratitude, so tell me, what are you most grateful for as a dad today?
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: I am.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: As a dad, I am grateful for having two boys that I feel like are great human beings and becoming men, and I'm just grateful for that.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: Along with health, those are the biggest ones you can never forget health, ma'am, when I do my journal every morning gratitude work I always say God, thanks for waking me up, Thanks for giving me a chance to do something fun today, and thanks for my health to go work out today.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: And as corny, as that is some might be.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: What is that?
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: It gets my mindset right to start today.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, like no.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll try not to be too too many quotables, but I think there was.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: I don't remember who said it.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: I'm probably on one of the many podcasts or motivational pieces, but it reminds me of going in kind of as a hard-nosed business person.
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: There's a saying something like you know, people want 10,000 things, but an unhealthy person only wants one.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: And so it's absolutely number one.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: That's like a T-shirt or a bumper sticker we need to make.
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: T-shirt, bumper sticker.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: Sometimes those sayings, they could change your day 100%.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: No, I love that, ma'am.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: Well, I am grateful today for we are recording in January.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: This episode will come out in a month or so or two, depending on schedule.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: I'm actually I'm grateful for this journey of podcasting that has got.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: Sometimes we as dads get stuck in our own ways and we get just like any person, I guess, and sometimes we get going down a path.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: But I think what I've learned through this journey of podcasting is that we're all dads doing our best, but sometimes we have to like check ourselves and say, hmm, that wasn't my best version of me.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: And last night so it was really cold last night started snowing.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: My son does not have the best, like I would say, car for snow and we were driving home and he texted Texas, me and my wife.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: He says, hey, is it okay if I grab Red Robin with my buddies?
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: Well, and my first thought was overreact, it's snowing outside.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: This is a bad idea, don't do it.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: I mean I thought of all the worst case scenario, things right.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: And my wife just said are you done yet?
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: You know, let me.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: I'm like almost.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: And I said, listen, that's our job to be blah, blah, blah, or job to protect, and true, but I'm like I didn't wait till we got home.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: I didn't wait till like, cause maybe we get home, it's not as bad and I'm grateful for this journey of this.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: Got my mindset out of that can get me quickly when I get in, fixed back to growth.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: And then, like today, when I picked up my daughter from basketball, I said, hey, I want to apologize.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: She's like what I go.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was dad overreacted last night and was not his best version of himself for about 25 seconds.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: And I want you to realize that sometimes, when I overreact the way, it's because I love you guys so much and I get in.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: The love gets the best of me versus just what's rational.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: And I just want you to learn from my mistake last night that, like, that's not always the best way to handle things and I'm just grateful that I have learned to check my ego and realize that, hey, we all mess up and I was not my best, but I felt so much better after doing it, you know, yeah, so I'm grateful for that.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: I'm grateful for my wife for calling me out in a kind, nice way.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: That too mean.
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: All right bro.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: They've got a good way of doing that one.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: The good ones do, don't they?
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: And?
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: they're always right.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: Which pisses me off.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right, that's the worst.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: Bring me inside the family huddle, tell me about each member of the squad and then tell me how you and your wife met.
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, all right.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: So let's see.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: So I, so my wife and I met, so I'll I'll do a quick recap so that and then we can dive into wherever you want.
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: So I currently live in Southern California suburb of Southern California area called Riverside.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: And then I was born in Los Angeles, grew up early days in San Diego and my dad worked for the aerospace industry down in San Diego and during the 80s when they had all their layoffs got laid off and my grandmother owned a little bit of land out in Yuma, Arizona.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: So I got the amazing, valuable lessons of moving and growing up in Arizona.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: So I went from San Diego, sent my paradise to 120 degree heat down in Arizona and so grew up most of my life out there, graduated high school and drove a beat up 1982 Chevy Cavalier that broke down on the way to LA so I could live with my aunt Joanne to go to college in California because I was out of state.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: So I met my wife at that college, which is a little private university in Laverne, california, also outside of Los Angeles.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: So my wife and I met Universal Laverne 1995 to 97, eightish.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: I met her, I think my sophomore year at college, which I was not really committed to meaning the college and we, I think it was.
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: It was one of those experiences, just like you and me to a point, and I think you, me and Mark and going to be many other people which I'm now tuned into.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: But I wasn't at that point which was, and we had a pretty much an instant connection and we didn't really know why.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: But after the first week of meeting her I don't think I've been away from my wife other than business travel stuff at all.
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: So I mean outside of business travel stuff, we pretty much spend every day together and you know, through the ups and the downs.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: So that's how we met 1996, I think we met so 95, first year in college.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: And then the other part of the huddle nowadays is my older son, paul Paulie as we call him so, and I also went by Paulie D for a while.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: Paulie D.
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: So Paulie is my older son, now just turned 21.
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: And then my younger son, 19, Anthony.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: So that's our, that's our little unit and you know, that's that's our day to day.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: That's a squad.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: Are you a junior or is he just the junior?
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: He's just the junior, so my, so I'm my last name, for anybody that spells it out or looks it up is pretty Italian.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: So my, my, my dad's first name is Russell and he was supposed to name and so in Italian it would be Rosario and he was supposed to name you.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, he was supposed to name me Russell, but I think the story I've heard whether it's true or not has not been validated is he was in some sort of slight argument with my grandparents at the time, and so he chose to call me Paul Russell instead of Russell Paul.
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: His middle name is Paul, so they became a flip flop and so I chose to just carry that on and go with Paulie junior.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: So yeah, new tradition there we go.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: I like to now go back in time.
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: Back to the days.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: Well, are you a Dodger or are we an angel?
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: If I have to choose, I would probably choose angel.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: Good Cause the Dodgers have, I guess, just unlimited bank account could buy anything they want.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: That's not.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: I'm not a bitter manner fan, for the record, just for that.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to get that out there.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, just, and also, too, we can talk about different sports all through.
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: But I will say, like the last true fan, if anything, was when I was a traditional Bulls fan with, like the, michael Jordan and Scotty Pippen.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: Outside of that I'll not know a lot of new stats and things, but I have been to a couple angels game.
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: Much prefer their stadium.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: Dodgers stadium is just wild just to get in and out of, let alone anything else.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: Love it.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: Okay, take me back to what was life growing up for you and talk about the impact that your parents had on you.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: Now that you're a dad, yeah.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: So for me growing up now I mean obviously it's reflection, but I grew up, I would say, extremely low blue collar, my dad worked his butt off and my main lesson growing up was probably about that Some good and some bad.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: But grew up.
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: I would say I had a very small time here in California.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: Don't even remember Los Angeles, san Diego.
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: I do remember growing up by the Bay of San Diego.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: Now have a little bit of an Airbnb condo down there, but that was just good times and it felt like everything was great.
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: Then when we moved to Arizona, I would say pretty much my whole time in Arizona was just a series of lessons and waiting to graduate high school so I could leave, but lessons in a good way nonetheless, which I grow up in, primarily three areas in Arizona.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: The first one, like I said in the beginning, was moving from San Diego to Yuma, which at the time was moving from one culture to another.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: Moving down to Yuma was moving from San Diego.
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: I don't know what the ethnicity total was, but moving down to Yuma it was just a completely different culture, completely different environment, more rule obviously, and just had some culture shock and then not counting the fact that it went from an awesome 65, 70 to 120 degrees.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: I just remember being in the front yard with a hose literally for months, but it did some junior like small school stuff.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: down there.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: My dad got a job at the state of Arizona.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: So, depending on the state in the United States they're almost all called the same thing.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: So you're in Washington, so it's probably called WDOT, which is the Department of Transportation.
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: Caltrans is Caltrans, so something like that.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: Arizona's is ADOT, so Arizona Department of Transportation.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: My dad, moving from California, arizona, struggled with some alcohol and smoking at that time.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: I'm always grateful for the fact that he gave that up and he did it pretty much cold turkey.
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: Once he got the job at the state and just realized I need to take care of my family and he got real serious about it.
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: So we started there and the reason for that nugget is because he moved with the job.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: So think of if they're going to build a big bridge or redo a road somewhere, typically those jobs last a couple years and they're blowing through a mountain laying down some new road or building a bridge, and that's essentially was and has been his career since that time.
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: So we moved from Yuma to another little city which nobody's ever heard of.
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: It's called Parker, arizona.
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: It's on an Indian reservation, so again, a new cultural experience for me.
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: I was the minority.
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: All my friends were American Indian.
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: Played basketball with them.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: Super small town.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: The whole town at that time was only one square mile.
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: The whole town.
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: So there wasn't enough folks to play sports.
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: I did play a lot of sports during high school because there was nothing else to do in Arizona.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: So I played basketball, football, ironman football in fact, in Parker, so both offense and defensive, and I might have played a little tennis somewhere in the middle there.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: But I was just all over the place growing up and then graduated high school in another little city called Kingman, which is about an hour and 15 south of Vegas on the Arizona border, kind of leading that area, and I would say the question really about that was growing up in Arizona.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: In a very nutshell, I think the lessons learned there were just how much commitment my dad had for us to be able to put aside some of the things that he had going on early days.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: And I have two siblings, I'm the oldest, got a younger brother, younger sister, but just like made that choice and it was very clear.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: I actually distinctly remember it and even though I was young, we even had a conversation where he called out like hey, I want to let you know I quit these things for you guys, and my mom was a big support on that.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: But I think the lesson was really just almost doesn't matter how much money you have, as long as you have really great character, and that was.
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: You know, that was.
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: I don't know that I could have asked for much more than that and so that served me well in a lot of ways, and that's been the foundation.
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: So our mom and dad still with us.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: They are and where are they living now?
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: So my parents live in Arizona, so they still they live in Kingman, arizona, which is literally, if you look at a butter map, it looks like it's in the middle of nowhere, because it is, but best kind of points would be about an hour and 15 or so south of Vegas, about 25 minutes east of Laughlin, nevada, which is like a little casino town on the river.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: OK, yeah, my mom.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: Actually I think my mom has been to that casino.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: She used to live in Surprise Arizona West and then now they live up in Eastern Eastern Washington.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, my mom and dad lived in Surprise for a little while, about three years ago.
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: So my dad retired a little bit early from the state of Arizona and went and became a consultant back to the state and made more money than he ever did during the state.
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: Like it was like he got paid nothing to work for the government and then he switched sides, did theoretically less work but you know, just like triple the money.
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: So it's pretty amazing.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: Makes sense, doesn't it?
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Absolutely.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: You mentioned earlier that there was a series of lessons learned in Arizona.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: Tell me a couple that come to mind that maybe has shaped the person you are today.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: I think the lessons, the ones that come to mind, are the first one, which is you know who you are is more important than what you are.
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: I think you know, we've and I've fallen into this even in my early career, and I think a lot of people do, and so we could talk about it.
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: But you know, the first thing we ask people a lot of times like hey, like what do you do?
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: And, and there's really I don't know that there's a better way to do that, because that's how I've grown up in, the kind of the culture in the United States, anyways, that we've grown up with.
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: So it's almost like a just a a thing that you ask because there's not what, how else would you engage with somebody?
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: But but the lesson growing up for me was was really about who you're going to become, and I didn't wasn't able to articulate it that way until very recently in the last couple of years.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: But who you become is more, more important than what you are.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: That was lesson.
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: I've had a really lucky and great foundation, for the most part of my parents have been married, going on, you know, 50-ish years now, almost so great role modeling there in a lot of ways.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: So you know, commitment is important, even during the ups and downs would be probably the second lesson.
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: And I think the third lesson.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: It kind of ties in with the who.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: But some people even if, if some people I think it would be, you know, not only being somebody like who you are, but but making sure that that's authentically you, which is like don't just take the religion or the or the, whatever we're handed right during while we're growing up.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: Those are the things that we we almost say that's who we are, but when we reflect on it we don't.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: You know, is that really who you are?
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: And I think I was lucky enough to grow up in a household where I was allowed to question that, even debate it in some cases, and so I can't.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: I mean, I'm grateful for that too.
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: So those would be the three.
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: I think, if I could call anything out.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: Okay, love it, man.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: Well, as you think about those lessons, when did they start presenting themselves that you were like, maybe mature enough to understand them?
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: I think the who you are was probably pretty early.
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: So I think if I was to remember, I think the way I think about that who you are is what I'm always grateful for my dad doing, which was, I remember, only one time.
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: Thank goodness that came home drunk, never hurt me or never did anything, just happened to be overdone at that day and was a little scary at the time.
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: But then, remembering, I think he recognized it and not that long after I'm talking, six-ish months after that.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: So I would say at that time for me was I don't remember age, but I would have only been in about fourth or fifth grade, just to give a sense.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: And six months after that incident and he smoked too at that time.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: So it was kind of a combo and I wasn't sickly as a kid, but I definitely didn't take to smoke very well.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: So it was like one of those scenarios where my mom was always like hey, don't smoke in the car, don't smoke in the car, and it was a thing to pay attention to.
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: But six months later about like, my mom asked me a question.
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: It was like hey, have you noticed anything different about your dad?
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: And he was in the car and I was like no, I'm not, like everything's normal.
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: I think I guess I was looking around same thing, like yeah, haircut, like what.
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: And then she goes, if you notice, he hasn't smoked, hasn't drank, hasn't done anything.
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: And he kind of just confirmed, like that is it, it's over.
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: And so, however, he did that cold turkey, like I thank goodness I've never had a problem with either one of those, but like meaning from an addiction standpoint, no smoking.
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: But I just know that that is.
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: That is not an easy thing to give up, cause it's hard for me.
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: It's hard for me to give up donuts, let alone that like that's crazy.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: Well, maple bars really quite delicious.
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: You know the honey bugs they get every time.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: So I was like I'm concerned.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: I think that's a good one to talk about, because you know, when I started this the one being the, the, how we identify ourselves.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: I, when I started this podcast nearly five years ago, one of the things I thought about was you know, whether you're a bus driver, a professional athlete, the, the play by play, announcer for the Seattle Kraken, or stay at home, dad, our kids part of my friends could give two shits.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: They really could give two shits, because we all have the same job description, which is dad, and our job is to keep them out of jail, keep them happy, teach them lessons, keep them confident, inspire belief, let them take risks that are calculated without you know.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: Obviously we come.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: The next evil can evil, hopefully, but you know.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: But yet so many people I see, we, we are defined by what we do and my, I saw that with my dad and the pops resting piece.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: You know, he, I think, when he quit working, it was a struggle for him and I think, even like when I, when I left corporate, I was saying I was right guy, right time, right place, maybe had more success and I thought I would, I would have, and then I leave, I started this journey as an entrepreneur.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: I I write a book, started the podcast and then I'm, but that's my identity now.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: And and I and my this is where God blessed my wife.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: She's like sometimes no one wants to talk about that.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: I get you do, and that's not that they don't want to talk about it.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: But just be Casey.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: And I had to like reset myself when I went to entrepreneurial and now I'm like, if they want to talk about it, like I love the podcast and I'll talk about it all day long, and there's like a really, really big guest I'll I hate, I'll tell my buddy.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh my God, this is crazy, but I'm, I just want to be Casey, the dad you know, and I think that level of staying being grounded in that I think requires, you know, you know, a lot of humility.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: That is one of the my things I focus on all the time, but I think it's it's one that I hope us, talking about this Paul, we'll hit home to dads that you don't have to be defined by who you are.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, just be the best dad you can be and be the best husband you can be and the friend.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: So maybe what advice would you give to dads listening that are just struggling with that that they're just so stressed they're wrapped up in the next software release, or they're wrapped up in the shipment they got to get out, or the flight they got to take, or the whatever I mean.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: Tell me what comes to mind.
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it's, it's, it's.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: I would say I it is.
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: I think it's very difficult, depending on your personality.
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: I think that I think that the best, the best advice I've ever seen on on this both for I think personal and business success is work harder on yourself than you do at your job, and I think that's really, that's really the answer.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: And so if somebody, even an eight type personality and I think I also don't shy away anymore like I agree, same thing as you, my wife would be would be like not everybody wants to talk business all the time, and which is because she, she would make a comment like you're a talker, I'm like I'm really not, though I mean I can't.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: I couldn't for a while carry on a conversation beyond business, like for very long it was it.
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: That was very limited, but I would say the answer to your question is that is is what are you doing to work on yourself Harder than your job?
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: And because that will, if somebody takes that and says, well, yeah, what am I doing?
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: I don't mean what are your hobbies with your buddies, with your whatever, like sport?
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: I don't mean any of that.
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: I mean what are you doing to work on yourself as a human being, like what?
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: what?
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: What could be some things people could do.
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: It could be.
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: It could be what you mentioned earlier in the podcast is you're like hey look, I know that sometimes something triggers me and so take like whatever it is, or that goes for me too.
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: Everybody has them right.
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: But to go, you know what?
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: I'm going to spend some time on figuring out how I don't get triggered around this thing or how this thing that is stressing me out and causing me not to be my best self, or my family.
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: How do I, how do I restructure my priorities?
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: But not just in a hopeful, wishful way, but like what are the, what are the tools and tactics that are going to help me become a better person in that moment, so that the moments that matter with my family are great moments, are amazing moments.
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: And so that's what I mean is to everybody it would be for different for everybody of like, what do I need to work on myself so that I can be that best person, just like you mentioned a moment ago, like I could be that best dad, I could be that best father, husband, brother, sister, you know whatever and it's like but what do I have to do?
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: What do I have to first look in the mirror on, and I think that's the first step and you know, I think for most human beings, at least for me, like half the time up until very recently have I started to to future pace and go.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: Okay, I'm going to preemptively go after this and solve this problem before it becomes something I really blow up in my face.
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: But, just like anybody, a lot of times, that's what it takes something has to blow up for you to then slow down enough to to recognize it.
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: And I think the great part, including this podcast, is we're now in a world and an environment, I think more than ever, where people are are becoming more self aware and becoming more aware of this.
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: You know, kind of this, this idea that I need to not just live up to the trope that was given to me by my parents or social media, whatever, like I need to really reflect and focus on myself.
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: But for the to answer your question, which is speaking to the 23 year old me, that's just a hard charging, a type personality.
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: I grew up poor, I need to go make money and I'm a sacrifice a lot for that, which is what I did and I think a lot of people in our group and, in particular, profession have done.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: You know that would be.
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: It is like just take a moment to answer the question like how can you work harder on yourself than you do at your job?
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: Because if you do that you'll become so much more valuable to yourself, to your family and to your career and everything will be better.
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: And versus looking for the outside of numbers or whatever the thing is.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: I think the hardest part about that for anybody is a friend that lives inside of us and starts with the letter E a little guy ego ego, which we all have huge huge, huge, huge nemesis, right More than anything we love to be the victim of our own story and the hero.
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: Hero of our own story.
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: And then when we want to be the victim of our own story, we get in that negative loop where he just keeps going and loop and loop and loop.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: We get away from our core values, we get away from what matters to us.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: And I was just thinking of talking about this.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: I remember I interviewed a friend of mine named Matt Smith, college team member of mine, who's been very successful in business the insurance industry.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: We did an episode on ego and he actually went to his like company and his business partners and he said and he asked for very specific, measurable ways Tell me how my ego is getting in the way.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: And I can just give him very direct and he was like it surprised me because he's a confident dude, but I was like man, that's humbling and inspiring that you did that, I think, for dads or listening.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: If you're like on the fence, you know, wouldn't you rather know that something's holding you back or wouldn't you rather know that maybe people are thinking about you in a certain way that you didn't know?
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: you're making people feel that way, yeah, I mean, I think that you know, I think you've referenced it both in your book, but I agree 1000%, which is, you know, egos.
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: The enemy is a book that right, like there's so many things that should be required reading in school that are not, but I mean, I think that's a great one, but I mean just practicality wise is, and also, too, this is something that I think I always thought my my business mind wasn't related to my family so dynamic and I can't remember the interview that I saw this on but it's actually.
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: I think if we use our business strengths for the people that are business centric, to structure, framework, communicate within our family unit, we actually are a heavy much better because it just, in some ways, we were built that way and then we were trained that way, potentially, and some of it is still very valuable.
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: But if we just use it in the way that is like you said, like hey, I'm gonna, you know your friend, like whatever his, his method to his madness was, it's like seeking feedback in the business world.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: We do surveys, we do all those things.
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: Amazing.
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: I'm going to do that for myself and go out to the group that cares about this and go ask them, and I think you know, whether it's in business and personal.
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: I think it's a great.
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: I think it's a great idea.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Since we're on the, since we're on the spirit of, you know, quoting things today, what you know, one of my mentors, a guy named John Kaplan, yeah, One of his quotes is it's okay not to know every answer.
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: It's just not okay not to do anything about it.
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: Oh, man, yeah Love, you know so as dads, I love quotes.
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: I just think they're so valuable because they their memories of, like that one right there, like it's like, wouldn't you?
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: And so many things like when you want to know your roadblocks, if you're going to get on the roadblocks, if you're going to get on the road and put the destination in anyways, do you want to know there's going to be traffic, do you want to know there's going to be an accident?
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: And what if you could?
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: What if you could avoid the accident because you were the one that was going to cause?
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: it.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Think about your pilot.
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: Do you want to know this Thunderstorm's ahead or do you want to fly right through it?
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's awesome.
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: But it's, it's simple.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's what's funny.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: The only way I can get to the terminal path I keep living is a lot of these fixes are so simple and small but we choose not to do them.
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: We get busy, we tell ourselves passive language like I'll get to that tomorrow.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: I need to do that versus making the power of I will and fixing it now and realizing that these small little problems are not going away.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: You're just gonna keep building and building and building.
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: You probably heard this before, but if you haven't, like, there's a, there's a.
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: This is, I think this is the original book, but there's a book written in the 60s.
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: It's actually, I think we've all struggled, most likely like with whatever it is, like Hammonages will power through it, but I don't remember who handed me the book at the time, but it's been.
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: It was pretty interesting.
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: There's a book called Psycho-Cybernetics.
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: Have you ever heard of this book?
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: No, okay, so very interesting book.
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: It was written, I believe, in the 60s, by a at the time a famous plastic surgeon here in Los Angeles area and he got interested in why patients would come in to get plastic surgery for whatever they thought the deficiency was.
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: Or there was a true, like a true medical reason?
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: So either one.
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: And so they said, hey, I wanna fix this, or whatever it is, nose, something.
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: So they got it fixed and at the end of the surgery and recovery they were like, yes, this is exactly what I was looking for.
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: But then they wouldn't stop getting surgery and he wouldn't do it.
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: But he was like I gotta do a study on this.
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: So he basically started a study on it.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: The long and short of this is it came down to the fact that because they felt so deficient for so long, or they just kept figuring like I'm gonna work on this problem, this physical problem in this case, they had built up in their mind an identity, and that's what the core what I found, at least for myself, is that's the core is my dad could.
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: My dad was able to stop smoking because he changed his identity.
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: He may or may not even have known what he was doing at the time, but he somehow decided I am no longer a smoker and that's how he got over it.
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: And same thing with all of us in what we decide to do, it's yes, you got to willpower through it to a certain point, but you have to figure out a way for yourself.
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: And I've found this to be true for again, my own journey is I have to decide like.
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: I am no longer that person, and that's the first thing is making it a hard decision, getting hard, wiser reasons why that's the case, and then doing the willpower work of denying or having the self-discipline so it becomes a habit.
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: But if I can align to the fact that I am just not that person, I'm not the person that eats, that does, that does or doesn't work out, like whatever the choice is like, I have to decide that's my new identity and then really, really push.
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: But I think it's a key factor that a lot of people may or may not have known that they're just not, they're not identifying with that new person that they would hope and like to be, and that's why they keep doing it and falling back.
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: Keep doing it and falling back is because that identity isn't real to them yet.
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, man, it's.
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: I think once we, once dads, are listening home, once you let go of that and it's freeing.
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: It's freeing because then you're, because you're really setting yourself up to failure, setting yourself up to be someone that doesn't exist, versus just instead leaning in on your, the authentic gifts you have, which we all have, gifts.
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: It's up to us to kind of our family members, love ones around, and you just to kind of lean into your own, but just like.
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: That's why I hate the hate, the piece of advice fake it, do you make it?
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I couldn't, you know.
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: Actually, funny story about that Like one of the times I was getting ready to speak last December, right before I went on stage, the head of marketing told their company to fake it, do you make it?
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: And I have a slide in about like I'm going up next and there's like a slide that it says the exact opposite of that.
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh God, this is not good.
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not gonna do.
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: And so I instead, I just like leaned in on it.
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: I said I think I made a joke.
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: I was like can everybody just remember the ear muffs from like old school?
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: Just everybody, put your hands over your ears and then me and your head of marketing, we're going to have a quick chat.
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: You guys just pretend we're not talking.
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: I just I need to apologize to you because what you just thought was advice that you want them to listen to I'm actually going to do the exact opposite and so we need to just like right, I just agree, disagree on stage.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: I don't want to make it awkward later, so I'd rather just make it awkward now.
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: And I was like, and we can then luckily kind of like broke the ice and made them laugh.
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: But like, at home I told my kids that story.
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: I'm like, if you're, it's, a, it's, it's, it's hard to remember what person are you being.
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: So just be yourself.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: You know, I always joke my kids.
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: I say you might as well, be yourself, because everybody else has already taken.
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know yeah.
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: I think it's hard advice early on.
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know about you, but for me I would say just what that CMO was doing was probably what they were told or taught during their career, and maybe even beyond that, and that's a good example right there of just they adopted that and it may even have worked for them to a point.
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: But I think the I think where you're going with it is exactly right, which is and I obviously lean in on this but you know, authenticity is actually like a very clear laser cut scalpel to get to connection.
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: And then you know I think that's a good example of what I'm saying To connection.
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: And then you know, until AI takes over all of us, I mean that's what we have.
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: We have human connection to.
• 37:14
  Speaker 3: Hi, I'm Leslie Vickery, the CEO and founder of ClearEdge, a company dedicated to transforming the business of talent.
• 37:21
  Speaker 3: Through our three lines of business ClearEdge, marketing, recruiting and rising that help organizations across the recruitment and HR tech sectors grow their brands and market share while building their teams with excellence and equity.
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: I believe we were one of Casey's very first clients.
• 37:40
  Speaker 3: He helped our sales and account teams really those people on the front lines of building and developing client relationships in so many ways.
• 37:48
  Speaker 3: Here are a few.
• 37:48
  Speaker 3: He helped us unlock the power of curiosity.
• 37:51
  Speaker 3: For me it was a game changer.
• 37:54
  Speaker 3: I was personally learning all about Ted-based that's, tell, explain, describe, questioning and that really resonated with me.
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: We also learned about unlocking the power of humility and unlocking the power of vulnerability.
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: Casey taught us to be a team player, to embrace change, to stay positive.
• 38:14
  Speaker 3: He is one of the most positive people I know.
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: He believes that optimism, resilience and a sense of humor can go a long way in helping people achieve their goals and overcome obstacles.
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: And I agree Casey's book when the Relationship, not the Deal it is a must read.
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: Listen.
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: Whether you're looking for coaching and training or a powerful speaker or keynote, casey is one of the people I recommend when talking to companies.
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: The end result for us, at least as one of Casey's clients our own clients would literally commend our approach over all other companies, from the way we were prepared in advance of a call to how we drove meetings, to how we follow up.
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: It sounds really basic, I know, but let me tell you it is a standout approach that led to stronger relationships.
• 39:06
  Speaker 3: I encourage you to learn more by going to kcjcoxcom.
• 39:09
  Speaker 3: You have nothing to lose by having a conversation and a lot to gain.
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: Now let's get back to Casey's podcast, the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: When we think about that and someone is still struggling with like being them or not, or they feel like they have to show up on this person, have you, as a leader, ever had to, like leader or dad, lean into the vulnerable side of Paul to say, wow, I'm just gonna lean into this and it might.
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: I might be perceived as a weak dad or a weak leader, but you actually found the opposite to be true.
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I think that.
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: Well, number one, I would say that I think I fell into the trap early on, just like a lot of, in my case, grew up mostly in sales, so fell into the trap of fake it till you make it in some ways like not so much unethical things but just more around, like kind of saying something that didn't make sense and so, or just following the script and so, and that wasn't very long, which is I'm grateful for, because I realized that by not doing that I was gonna be better off and have been more successful there.
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: But on the leader side of the business side I would say, yes, I would, and this is not profound in any way, but I would say that I just don't tow any company line If something doesn't make sense.
• 40:46
  Speaker 3: I don't make sense out of nonsense and I'll just tell the team that Say hey, listen, I'm not gonna make sense out of nonsense.
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: This is a check the box exercise until we all work for ourselves and are independently wealthy, like we gotta get this done, so let's just knock it out.
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: So I'm not gonna sugarcoat it for something like that, as basic as that, and then otherwise, like I think the other piece of being maybe vulnerable or authentic is like a good example is right this moment.
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: Next week we're gonna be doing here at the company I work for now calibration.
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: So it's like hey, how did you perform, how are you gonna get promoted?
• 41:26
  Speaker 2: Those types of things.
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: And I've been very clear with the team which I haven't really been leading for very long is I want you to feel like you're making progress and being successful and I'm supporting you, regardless of whether you're here at the company I work for now or not.
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: Period, end of story.
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: Like I want I will support you here, there, anywhere, and and it's if you feel like you are making progress that we're being successful or not.
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: And if you're say you know, and so there's kind of those again not groundbreaking, but I would say just consistency, I'm consistently reminding them that I'm authentic throughout and I'm not gonna sugarcoat something, I'm not gonna just fake it till I make it and say I believe in this when I really don't believe in it.
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: I'm just gonna give it to them straight.
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: So I think that's on the business side, and then on the fatherhood side, I think I would say just being more open with the boys.
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: I think, now that they're getting older, I'm super excited for the second half, if you will around being able to engage with them as adults, and so within that I took some time to just restructure my own thinking about how I engage with them.
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: They're always gonna be my kids, you know.
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: I've let them know.
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: You know, sometimes I'll still talk to you as kind of a little or a smaller person, but slowly but surely I'm gonna engage with you as an adult and you're gonna feel it when I do it.
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: And I think for me that vulnerability comes like where, you know, my older son came to me and asked me something about relationships and I just told him I go hey, you know what?
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: That's been a big deficiency of mine for a while, and so I don't know that I'm gonna have the best answer, but let's talk about it right now, like you know, and so I think that kind of like small nuance maybe is what I've been doing and it's been working out, I think, so far.
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: That's a great example, brother.
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: I think it's good because you're showing your kids that you don't have to be perfect.
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good call out.
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: That's exactly right.
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: You know, and like my son plays golf, my daughter plays basketball.
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: I tell my son I've yet to see a guy hold out from every fairway, or girl I've yet to see to my daughter I've never seen Riley people shoot 100% from the free-throw line the entire year, or from three point.
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: So you might as well, you're gonna miss shots.
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: And like Jordan says that you know the number of shots he missed.
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: You know what?
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: I can't remember the quote he said about that, but like you know, he would miss a thousand, 100% of the shots he never take, or something like that.
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: So I think it's.
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: You know, that's why this journey has been fun is reminding Every episode I have, I get free therapy out of it, I tell people, you know, I get taught or I get coached by my guests as the host of like, yeah, that's right, I continue to work on that, and so I think this journey of fatherhood and this journey of life, it's like an endless pursuit of mastery that doesn't exist, yeah, but I'm not gonna quit trying.
• 44:53
  Speaker 2: No, I mean absolutely not.
• 44:54
  Speaker 2: I mean we.
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: This is.
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: I count it as a.
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: You know, I think I'm sure you do too, but that would be maybe.
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: Another message is to people, depending on where they're at in their journey, both career and fatherhood, is to make sure that, as soon as they possibly can whether it's this podcast, one of the others, something else that could trigger them to just make sure that they keep that top of mind of how blessed they are to be able to be a father and then to actually come from that place on a regular basis.
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: I mean, I think I, I mean I've had multiple micro moments of that where and I'm sure your wife has done this too I think I might have told you the story when we first met, but it's a true one.
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: That was a wake-up call.
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: I was hard charging in my career, traveling, like we all have done, and I took out like a day to go to Disneyland with the kids.
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: I'll never forget this one because it was just, it's like images, like pictures of 1000 words.
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: It burns in your mind.
• 45:59
  Speaker 2: And we were at Disneyland, went on a small world, which is a slow family ride.
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: My older son was in the front with my wife of the little boat and then the back.
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: I was with my younger son, anthony, and it's kind of dark or whatever and inside the ride and slow moving.
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: So we went on the ride, we got off and my wife goes hey, can I?
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: She's let the kids stand off to the side for a moment.
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: She goes hey, I wanna show you a picture.
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: I took her on the ride and I was like, okay, and she holds up the picture on her phone and it was me in the back seat.
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: So she snapped the picture, kind of facing backwards me and my younger son, and he was like I wanna say he was maybe five-ish at the time, maybe a little bit younger, and he was like hugging me with his face beaming up at me.
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: I mean, the smile was so big it hurt him.
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: And I was turned the other way, looking at my phone on my left hand's phone or left hand, and it was just like it was a sucker punch to the gut, like, are you serious?
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: And again, like, again, give yourself grace to a point.
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: Right, but when those lessons come, whatever they are and whatever moment they are, and hopefully somebody out there has somebody or themselves to give it to them the way that I got it.
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: But wow, I mean I literally at that moment, no joke.
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: I mean I deleted my email off my phone because I was on vacation and I had my out-of-office all that.
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: But I deleted my email off my phone and for the rest of the small trip it was fully engaged, and so that type of lesson.
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: And have I fallen into that trap after that?
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: A little bit, but I've been like a hundred times better than that after that, and so I just tried to take those micro lessons and not let it slip.
• 47:44
  Speaker 2: That's the type of thing I think that people can try to do too.
• 47:49
  Speaker 2: It's little lessons along the way.
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: I know that speaks to many.
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: I know that speaks to many, speaks to me.
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: We have a no phone rule at the dinner table at our house and no phone rule.
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: And we go to restaurants.
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: The only reason we have to use phones sometimes because the menus are on them, which is so annoying.
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah for sure, I hate that.
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: And to me it's like the biggest turnoff.
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: You go to dinner and you look around, there's like four family members all their head down their phone Like that's the point to talk right.
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, how did you not let your ego, how did you not get defensive and snap at your wife and get defensive and like tell me, what do you think allowed you to?
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: Like, accept that feedback, own your mess and fix it?
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: You know I would say that story.
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: I told you I was in good form, thank goodness I took that one like a champ, meaning I was like that is absolutely spot on, delete this email app off my phone immediately.
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: But I can't claim to have done that most of the time.
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: In a lot of ways there's been just as many times as not so much snapping, I guess, but more around that I've not been in good form.
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: Around this, which is depending on how people work.
• 49:07
  Speaker 2: Our role for you and me for a long time is sales.
• 49:10
  Speaker 2: It's a numbers driven game.
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: You're highly compensated if you can hit your number and sometimes you're kind of not making anything.
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: Depending on the role.
• 49:21
  Speaker 2: I was 100% commissioned for a while in part of my career so I always would justify.
• 49:27
  Speaker 2: You know I'm working super late, super early away from the family.
• 49:30
  Speaker 2: So in those cases I didn't show up well for more than enough years.
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: It was more like, hey, my priority is to provide for the family, because that's what I felt like I needed to do and that was my path, that's what I could do at the time, and in those cases I failed.
• 49:52
  Speaker 2: Like those are the cases where I didn't realize because of my lack of perspective.
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: I didn't have mentors for a portion of my early career.
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: I felt like my dad, as good as he was, he wasn't in the profession I was in, so I didn't really feel like I could get good, like I don't think I, I don't even know that I asked.
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: That's the other piece I think it was.
• 50:16
  Speaker 2: The answer is is I didn't allow my ego.
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: I allowed my ego to ruin a lot of things, which is not asking for help, not seeking out mentors, trying to figure it out on my own, and most of that time was wasted, and so I think that's that portion.
• 50:30
  Speaker 2: I failed.
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: And then once I slowly allowed for some, some mentorship and some modeling to enter my life, that's when I became I was able to.
• 50:44
  Speaker 2: That's kind of where that working on yourself piece comes in.
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: It's like okay, once I was open to that.
• 50:49
  Speaker 2: So I think that's where I think that entry point for me is, where people, depending on where they're listening, if they're already in that mode, amazing, like don't stop.
• 50:58
  Speaker 2: But if you haven't got there and you're just frustrated and challenged around but what else can I do?
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: I've got to provide for the family, I got to do this or that.
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: The question is is what's your perspective?
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: And most of the time, at least, I've found for me it's I don't have perspective, I'm too much in, I've got my blinders on and that's where.
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: That's where we get.
• 51:18
  Speaker 2: We hurt ourselves and we hurt others.
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: You get, and then you love, and then we become the hero and the story and we're the best character and there's no one else cause we're in fixed mindset and I'm right and you're wrong and you're an idiot and I'm smart and yes.
• 51:31
  Speaker 2: Right, yeah, don't get me wrong, I've been in that one before.
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: Like that's a loop we all have.
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, but I think, like the point is, when we get in that character, get out of it quickly, and I think, hopefully, what we're talking about is going to give dad's tools to get out of it.
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: You know, yeah, and you shared that story with us.
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: I mean, obviously, my hope is that there's a younger wrap on your team that hears this and this is like wow, my boss just said that on a podcast that was so inspiring, and that's and you, because if you can prevent some dad from doing that, the world's a better spot.
• 52:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I have not shared it on my current team, but I've shared it on other teams.
• 52:11
  Speaker 2: But I do have, you know, I have a newly married person on my team, so I don't think any kids yet, unless I'm surprised, and a couple of young parents on my team, for sure, and then some folks our age and even older like that have gone through it.
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: So, you know, I think the great part is where I think this podcast is so valuable, because I think there is a lot more awareness now than ever, and so people are even willing to listen to it, and so just the fact that we're getting on it I have a couple on my team is the answer.
• 52:45
  Speaker 2: And then, more broadly, like people that we don't even know get to hear this and maybe driving in their car, like you know, stuck on the road, stuck on traveling, and again hero of their own story, not realizing, like they just need to get perspective so that they can, you know, can get out of their own way.
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: I mean, that's for sure.
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: Yep, love it, man.
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: All right, if you were to think of, I always like asking dads a thanks question.
• 53:12
  Speaker 1: So if Paul's looking in the mirror or you're watching film of Paul, the dad, right now and we're gonna say, man, and if you had to coach yourself, you're like man.
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: If I'm being honest with myself, here's one area of my dad game that's not quite sharp.
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: That might, and I'll lead my witness to make it easier.
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: And for you, like my gap is patience.
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: Okay, you know, competitive guy, I sometimes my patience, but this podcast has helped me.
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: Again, like the story I told in the beginning of the podcast, I was not my best version of me, but I owned it, apologized.
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: I'm back to my best version of me.
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, for you, tell me what comes to mind of an area your dad game that you know is not where you want it, but you're working hard to make it better.
• 53:57
  Speaker 2: You know this is gonna it's gonna almost sound reverse.
• 54:00
  Speaker 2: So I think the area that I need to improve on right now is my kids are right at that age whereby they're about ready to go enter call it their career mode of some sort.
• 54:19
  Speaker 2: You know my older ones already moving in the music business and starting that journey which I've never been part of, and then my younger one wants to get into the film industry.
• 54:30
  Speaker 2: It's not just cause we live in LA whoever's listening but what I've been, I think what I slightly over-indexed on with them, was allowing them to be such great people that there is.
• 54:51
  Speaker 2: You know, we all know there's hard lessons in life, and so I've got a series, a list of things that I need to really go hold them accountable to.
• 55:01
  Speaker 2: They know I love them.
• 55:04
  Speaker 2: I think I'm a very high, emotionally intelligent person at this point in my life and but they've got probably a year or two of really rigorous things that that has to go get accomplished in the world if they really want to feel like they've got to somewhere.
• 55:20
  Speaker 2: And since I'm healthy enough to do it, I think I can help them through that and be the person that holds them, you know, gives them that real.
• 55:26
  Speaker 2: They don't have to go learn the lessons from a bunch of strangers.
• 55:30
  Speaker 2: I have the ability to hold them to that lesson.
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: So that's where my I haven't implemented that yet and it's one of those things where I knew I need to do it over the last year, but I've been busy with my own stuff Again, similar like need to come back around, go hey, all right, pauly, you want to get to this amount of things and I can bring my business knowledge and here's the path and here's what we need to do and really just give them some of those hard lessons.
• 55:55
  Speaker 2: So I would say, increase my rigor around that as they kind of go through these next two or three years, so that by the end of that they're going to be like okay, that was good and I'm where I want to be because of the coaching my dad gave me, if anything, so I could be their best coach.
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: So that's the nutshell and that's the goal.
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: It's like you know, sometimes someone taught me this that confidence is built from one person inside the home, one person outside the home, and sometimes you know there's a lot of wisdom that you obviously have in life that probably your kids at times might be.
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: Oh, my dad's a dipshit, or I know my kid that's how he usually was talking about, but sometimes it's when I've been around dads that maybe know me, they pulled my kid aside and they said, hey, your dad can help you in a lot of areas.
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: I want to ask him some more questions sometime.
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: You know which I'm like yeah, go get them.
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: You know, because it's like an outing for my own ego, but I'm like I figured some things out in life and I'm here to help.
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: But I just remind my kids always I said this is your journey, not mine, and at this stage I'm not gonna keep asking or telling you things.
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: My goal is to get you as curious as you can before you leave my house, our house, because curiosity I wish when I could go back in time and when I was 18, just someone just told me be curious, ask two questions a day, just do this, do that Like okay, because then it's like you get in that lifelong learning mode.
• 57:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, no, I agree.
• 57:21
  Speaker 2: I think within the push portion of it, I agree, like I love, that we're the one person inside and one person outside.
• 57:29
  Speaker 2: I think that's a takeaway for me.
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: I think that what you're describing like just fostering the pieces that you've already done and I've done, I think is great.
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: I think it's.
• 57:41
  Speaker 2: You know, there's the only way any of us do anything is through self-motivation.
• 57:47
  Speaker 2: So if they've got that curiosity and they've got that drive, I think there's just the reason I answered it the way I answered it.
• 57:55
  Speaker 2: What is?
• 57:55
  Speaker 2: I think there's small nuances where it's like, okay, I'm gonna, even if, like you said, they say, hey, dad's a dipshit.
• 58:04
  Speaker 2: It's like, no, but I'm gonna just this one little piece and I'm gonna be very conscious about it.
• 58:10
  Speaker 2: But it's and I can even see it in my mind exactly like there's just little critical pieces that if I push them, even if they get angry at me for that one moment, and then I'll let it go, I'm not gonna overdo it, but then it can help them get to that.
• 58:25
  Speaker 2: That's where that reflection is of what you're describing, which is like, hey, I've learned some things and so I'm just trying to be very thoughtful about I know there's some push we have to do and as long as they have that curiosity and personal kind of self-motivation drive, then it's like, okay, great, that was just enough.
• 58:43
  Speaker 2: It was the minimum effective dose to get them to that next piece where they're gonna feel super self-confident because just that one hump, we all need help getting over it.
• 58:53
  Speaker 2: And then it's like go, and so I can see it in my mind and there's a couple pieces for each one of them, so I'm excited to kind of focus on that over the next couple years.
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: Love it All.
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: Right before we get into the lightning round and before we have you, tell us what life's like and indeed what you're doing and how people can engage you.
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: I want you to summarize in two or three actionable tasks that dads can take from our episode.
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: They can start applying lesson one, lesson two, lesson three, if you can think of three.
• 59:20
  Speaker 1: They can take from our episode to start working on themselves, as you had talked about in the beginning, which I think is great, so they can become that ultimate quarterback or leader of their home.
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: Tell me what comes to mind.
• 59:34
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 59:34
  Speaker 2: So this is on the fly.
• 59:36
  Speaker 2: So if it's not super clear, I think it is the first one, which is how hard are you working on yourself, or maybe even what you're planning?
• 59:47
  Speaker 2: So if you're planning on doing something, make it be working on yourself.
• 59:53
  Speaker 2: The second one is try to be the best communicator you can.
• 59:59
  Speaker 2: So, even if somebody's not a talker, naturally, figure out your best way of communicating with your kids, your best intent, and they will feel it, so that even if you're not articulating it or you're not the most verbal person, you are showing them and making them feel the way you want them to feel, and hopefully that's a positive thing to be clear.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 2: And then the third one is actions.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 2: So, since we're on the quotables, actions speak louder than words.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 2: Super true, I've found.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 2: I mean, I've wanted to do something, I'm planning to do it.
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 2: I might tell somebody I'm doing it, but once you do it for them whether it's committing to the trip and spending that time just like we talked about and not letting anything get in the way of that, or you promised your wife or your kids, you're gonna do it and you do it when you actually do it.
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 2: That's the only time it matters.
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 2: And so I think those are the things is planning work on yourself, figure out the best way to do great communication or intent so they feel it.
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 2: And then the third one is actually do the actions necessary.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: Love it, gold brother.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: Okay, so people are listening home like, indeed, what's indeed?
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 1: I'm sure many people know what indeed is, but if the dad has no idea or the mom has no idea, what indeed is talk about what you and your team do and why should they learn more about you?
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I currently work for a company called Indeedcom.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 2: So for those that don't know, if you're in the professional world, linkedin is considered the largest professional network, job boards, all kinds of different things.
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 2: Indeed would be number two in the marketplace.
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 2: We've got a really great mission, which is a tagline that's super easy to understand.
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 2: It says we help people get jobs and that's it.
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 2: So we're not a social media platform, we are just a simple two-sided marketplace.
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 2: We help employers hire great employees and we help people that are job seekers hopefully get their next best job, and so that's what we do in a nutshell, both for small businesses all the way through large companies called enterprise companies, and that's what my team works on.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 2: We work on large national accounts and we support those accounts, so we help them utilize our services to do what we just talked about is, in their case.
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 2: We're servicing the employers and hopefully they're hiring great employees through our system, and my team specifically services large staffing IT and consulting companies.
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 2: So we service those groups nationally and that's it.
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 1: Love it now any if I'm a data home and any industry can.
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 1: This can indeed help them in any industry.
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, for the most part there's not an industry you will find that we don't service, as long as it's anything from blue collar warehousing construction all the way down on the day to day you name it.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 2: If that's your industry, we've got it all the way up to professional and even executive search.
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 2: So whatever industry that person's in, they could probably go to Indeedcom and plug in a simple search on what they're looking for for their next job and their next role and what they're ambitious to do.
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 2: And same thing for employers.
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 2: If they come to our site they can either advertise their job some can do it for free, some can't but search our resume database for, hopefully, their next best hire.
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: Love it.
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: We will make sure that Indeedcom is linked throughout the show notes so that, if you're a data home, maybe you just are transitioning and you're looking for that next job.
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 1: Indeed is everywhere, and I would highly recommend you go to Indeedcom and see how people like Paul and people who work with Paul can help you find that next great new career that's waiting for you to go.
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: So, all right, now it's time to go Wax you real quick, don't?
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 1: We have maybe a new podcast we wanna talk about that you might be getting ready to, or is that?
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: Did I just let the cat out of the bag?
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I think we're ready.
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 2: So, basically, your podcast inspired something.
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 2: That's been one of those things where it was like, hey, I wanna do this, what's the right time, what's the right group.
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 2: So a friend of mine, jason DeLuca, who works for a large IT staffing company called Dexion now we met Saren Dippusley.
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 2: We'll save that story for our podcast.
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 2: But what we've honed in on is we've touched on it here, I think, even on this podcast which is authenticity, and the power of that when you're engaging with other human beings, both professionally and personally, is so powerful.
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 2: We wanna start a podcast really based on that value, and that value will not change.
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 2: We hope and right now we did a poll.
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 2: It's out on LinkedIn right now and winning by a long shot is the Authentic Edge podcast is what we think it's gonna end up as.
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 2: So, as of this date, january 12th, 2024, that's what's winning, so we think that will be the winner.
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 2: It's, right now, long shot.
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 2: So the authentic edge.
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 2: But that's not done yet.
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 2: There's still a competition, I think, for another week.
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 2: On the votes.
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 2: We are gonna go with what the audience thinks is most valuable, so there's some other options in there.
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 2: So if it comes out to be a little different.
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 2: That means somebody else won, but more importantly, it'll be around authenticity and the power of that for all of us.
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 1: There we go.
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 1: Well, when that goes live, maybe by the time this episode comes out, we will be able to officially tag it and make sure that people can go listen to the authentic edge, which is.
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 1: I voted for that one for the record.
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, man.
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 1: I love that one.
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 1: Okay, now it's time to go into the lightning round, where I show you the negative hits of playing football, where I took too many hits not bong hits and why I have a screw loose and most quarterbacks do.
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 1: Your job is to answer these questions as quickly as you can.
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 1: My job is to try to make you giggle.
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 2: All right, let's try it.
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 1: Okay, true or false?
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 1: Mark Nussbaum once wrestled Jason Daluca in high school in DDT-dom False.
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 1: Okay, true or false.
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 1: What percentage of my listeners actually know what a DDT is?
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 1: 60.
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 1: It's 58.4,.
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 1: You're close.
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 2: Oh man that's close.
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 1: If I was to go into your phone, what would be the one song that your team would be shocked that you listened to?
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 2: They would be shocked.
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 2: I would probably say right now I come off as they would be shocked that I grew up and still listened to hardcore rap from the 90s.
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 2: So anything from Tupac, along with a whole bunch of others just bodies are dropping in my earphones a lot of times.
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 1: There you go, true or false.
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 1: When you once lived in LA, you wrote the lyrics for Snoop Dogg's Jinn and Juice.
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 2: False, but that would have been fun.
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 1: So much drama in the LBC.
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so much drama in the LBC, no doubt.
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 1: Okay, tell me the last book you read.
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 2: The last book I read is the Game of Life and how to Play it, and it was very recent.
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 2: Scoville Shin, I believe, is the author written in the 20s.
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 1: Favorite comedy movie ever.
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 2: Oh man, this is very difficult, but I'm gonna probably go with Tropic Thunder.
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 1: Solid, solid choice, solid choice.
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: Okay, if you were to go on a vacation right now, you and your wife no kids tell me where you're going.
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 2: I am going to Sardinia, Italy, Wow.
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 1: I don't know where that is.
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 1: I've been to Venice, italy, which is one of my favorite cities.
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 1: I've ever been, to my entire life.
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 1: If there was to be a book written about your life, tell me the title.
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 2: I'd say the People's Champ.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 1: You don't say the Italian Stallion, or there it could have been.
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 2: could have been, that was a good one.
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 2: I think that was probably that one would have sold more books, there's no doubt, or more movies, I should say.
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 1: Okay, so the People's Champ now we're gonna make this a movie.
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's going big time, brother.
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 1: I mean, everybody now wants to take.
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 1: You've heard about it and you got Netflix and Hulu fighting over the script.
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 1: But the most important thing that we need to figure out is you are the casting director and you need to know who is gonna start you in this critically claimed hit new movie.
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 2: Oh man, you know it would have to be.
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 2: I don't even care if they start it with CGI, but it's gotta be Stallone.
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 1: Ha, ha, ha ha ha.
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 1: I you know what I think.
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 1: I mean this guy's.
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 1: He's wearing a tank top right now.
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 1: He's just jacked.
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 1: You guys can't see it right now because there's just bulging muscles everywhere.
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: I can really focus on asking questions because these guys are so jacked.
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 1: Okay, and then last question tell me two words that describe your wife.
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 2: Patient and kind.
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 1: Fantastic words Lighting around's over.
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 1: I think you win.
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 1: I giggled more of my own jokes, which most dads do, but we'll call it maybe a slight edge to you.
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 1: You win.
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: I wanna thank our sponsors.
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna give a lot of attitude, sitka.
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 1: We're still working with those guys.
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 1: They are fantastic.
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 1: I love Assalma team.
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 1: I believe they're gonna be with us this year.
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 1: Tbd on that one.
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 1: Everybody.
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 1: I wanna say thanks to every loyal dad who continues to listen and continues to take the time to maybe ask a dad to listen to an episode they might reshare on LinkedIn or they might talk about it with just somebody.
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 1: I mean, cause that's really the goal.
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 1: The goal is to help dads become better leaders or other homes, and I'm grateful for everybody who has been with us as far as we enter season five.
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 1: But, pauly, it's been an honor to spend time with you.
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 1: Brother, I told you we didn't have a script, but an hour and eight minutes later we got a couple pages of notes.
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 1: I'm grateful for you, grateful for Mark Nussbaum introducing us, and I know our paths will be talking again soon.
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 1: Appreciate it, brother.
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, thank you.