Latest / Shared Light / Ep. 40- Dustie’s Story Revisited

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Ep. 40- Dustie’s Story Revisited · Shared Light

• A232961E 87FE 42D0 A0A8 117ED37DB840: Greetings all. Welcome to another episode of Shared Light with Dustie and JR. I am obviously JR. And I'm Dustie. first things first, I am feeling really under the weather. So this intro may be a little bit stuffy sounding. but we move on and we continue. another quick note. we are going to be revisiting Dustie's story. October is domestic violence awareness month. so what you'll see this week is Parts one and two of her story dropping obviously this morning and then dropping on Thursday. So do wish you all a blessed week. A quick call of action to all. If you are suffering from domestic violence or know somebody who's suffering from domestic violence, please do your best to ask for help or reach out for help, get people some help. but with that enjoy the episode and we will catch you on the next one. JR and Dustie Rodriguez: Afternoon. Welcome to another episode of Shared Light with Dustie and JR. I'm obviously JR. I'm Dustie. And on this episode, we're just going to kind of continue off where we left off last time. I believe last time we talked a little bit about my background, where my kind of some of my light to dark or some dark to light. In-person participant 1: Afternoon. Welcome to another episode of Shared Light with Dustie and JR. I'm obviously JR. I'm Dustie. And on this episode, we're just going to kind of continue off where we left off last time. I believe last time we talked a little bit about my background, where my kind of some of my light to dark or some dark to light. JR and Dustie Rodriguez: I guess it was kind of both right? Light to dark, dark to light. But today we'd like to share Dustie's story so you guys can get a general sense of you know what her perspective on dark is. Maybe where some of her darkness comes from and what fuels it and some of the things that also have brought her light throughout her life. without further ado, here's my beautiful wife. In-person participant 1: I guess it was kind of both right? Light to dark, dark to light. But today we'd like to share Dustie's story so you guys can get a general sense of you know what her perspective on dark is. Maybe where some of her darkness comes from and what fuels it and some of the things that also have brought her light throughout her life. without further ado, here's my beautiful wife. JR and Dustie Rodriguez: So, I'm nowhere to start. I was born and raised California until I was around 10. My mom was a single mom for quite a few years. And so we spent a lot of time and got a lot of help from her parents. In-person participant 1: So, I'm nowhere to start. I was born and raised California until I was around 10. My mom was a single mom for quite a few years. And so we spent a lot of time and got a lot of help from her parents. JR and Dustie Rodriguez: especially my grandpa. So he was like, you know, a second dad to us. I feel like him and I had a pretty close relationship. In-person participant 1: especially my grandpa. So he was like, you know, a second dad to us. I feel like him and I had a pretty close relationship. JR and Dustie Rodriguez: And then. In-person participant 1: And then. JR and Dustie Rodriguez: My mom met my stepdad when I was around five. But up until then, was my dad was, you know, my grandpa. My biological dad left when I was a baby. I don't even think I was one. I don't remember how old I was, but I don't really have memories of him. So when I, you know, I was too young to remember. So my dad was my grandpa and In-person participant 1: My mom met my stepdad when I was around five. But up until then, was my dad was, you know, my grandpa. My biological dad left when I was a baby. I don't even think I was one. I don't remember how old I was, but I don't really have memories of him. So when I, you know, I was too young to remember. So my dad was my grandpa and JR and Dustie Rodriguez: My grandpa was everything that my mom is, everything that I am. He taught us to be kind and to not judge other people. you never know what someone's going through just because they are having a hard time when you meet them, when you see them. In-person participant 1: My grandpa was everything that my mom is, everything that I am. He taught us to be kind and to not judge other people. And you never know what someone's going through just because they are having a hard time when you meet them, when you see them. JR and Dustie Rodriguez: you know, throughout their life doesn't mean that they're a bad person. So we spent a lot of time there. He instilled a lot of my values into me. Even, you know, after he passed, you know, my mom is exactly like him. So a lot of the things that, you know, she is and she believes is just you take care of people, you know, where In-person participant 1: you know, throughout their life doesn't mean that they're a bad person. So we spent a lot of time there. He instilled a lot of my values into me. Even, you know, after he passed, you know, my mom is exactly like him. So a lot of the things that, you know, she is and she believes is just you take care of people, you know, where JR and Dustie Rodriguez: We're caretakers. We... I don't know if it's... I mean, it's a good thing, I think, to see needs in people. feel like I kind of have a... whatever that word is... a niche for it. Like, I just pick up on people's feelings and emotions and I feel like anything that I can do to help somebody, like, that's what I want to do. And that was my grandpa. Anything anybody ever needed. In-person participant 1: We're caretakers. We... I don't know if it's... I mean, it's a good thing, I think, to see needs in people. feel like I kind of have a... whatever that word is... a niche for it. Like, I just pick up on people's feelings and emotions and I feel like anything that I can do to help somebody, like, that's what I want to do. And that was my grandpa. Anything anybody ever needed. and for context, you were, you have siblings? I do have three siblings. So there's four of us, growing up. So you're kind of in the middle, kind of the baby, but yeah. And us too, middle kids are 18 months apart, I believe. So we were pretty close growing up. We still are. but yeah, we were like, we were in the middles. Which brings a different dynamic. I think sometimes when. JR and Dustie Rodriguez: and for context, you were, you have siblings? I do have three siblings. So there's four of us, growing up. So you're kind of in the middle, kind of the baby, but yeah. And us too, middle kids are 18 months apart, I believe. So we were pretty close growing up. We still are. but yeah, we were like, we were in the middles. Which brings a different dynamic. I think sometimes when. you're in a family structure like that. Yeah, I feel like it was not that we ever were treated differently, but you know, it's kind of like you said with your parents, like they raised you completely different than they raised, you know, the boys 18 years later. And it's the same type of thing. It's like, even though we're all pretty close in age within, I think like four years, all of us, you know, you have like the first child, In-person participant 1: you're in a family structure like that. Yeah, I feel like it was not that we ever were treated differently, but you know, it's kind of like you said with your parents, like they raised you completely different than they raised, you know, the boys 18 years later. And it's the same type of thing. It's like, even though we're all pretty close in age within, I think like four years, all of us, you know, you have like the first child, JR and Dustie Rodriguez: And then you have the last child, of course, is raised differently than the first child. you know, so and that's just parenting. You learn as you go. Right. You know, and my mom was amazing. Like she was an amazing single mom. Like it was really, really hard for her. But she still gave us a good childhood, you know, even up until she met my stepdad. Like she. Yeah, she had help, but like. In-person participant 1: And then you have the last child, of course, is raised differently than the first child. you know, so and that's just parenting. You learn as you go. Right. You know, and my mom was amazing. Like she was an amazing single mom. Like it was really, really hard for her. But she still gave us a good childhood, you know, even up until she met my stepdad. Like she. Yeah, she had help, but like. JR and Dustie Rodriguez: She busted her ass every day. Which, I mean, the other side of that is you guys are left alone. You're spending a lot. alone, like, with my grandparents. Left with your grandparents. Yeah, cousins, So she's focused on making sure she's providing for you. Yeah, of course. She had like four kids that were small. So again, that's that fine line of she's focused on In-person participant 1: She busted her ass every day. Which, I mean, the other side of that is you guys are left alone. You're spending a lot. alone, like, with my grandparents. Left with your grandparents. Yeah, cousins, So she's focused on making sure she's providing for you. Yeah, of course. She had like four kids that were small. So again, that's that fine line of she's focused on JR and Dustie Rodriguez: doing the right thing by you, but that can lead to feelings of not getting enough attention. And I don't feel like at the time I felt ever, and I don't think ever I've ever really felt like, I feel. In-person participant 1: doing the right thing by you, but that can lead to feelings of not getting enough attention. And I don't feel like at the time I felt ever, and I don't think ever I've ever really felt like, I feel. JR and Dustie Rodriguez: traumatized by this, you know, or but I think you know, she met my stepdad and They were a new couple they got married like their newlyweds like they want to be together they want to spend time together and you know, we had an amazing childhood and But there I think in every no matter what household you come from or There's always gonna be some feelings of like I don't have enough attention, you know In-person participant 1: traumatized by this, you know, or but I think you know, she met my stepdad and They were a new couple they got married like their newlyweds like they want to be together they want to spend time together and you know, we had an amazing childhood and But there I think in every no matter what household you come from or There's always gonna be some feelings of like I don't have enough attention, you know JR and Dustie Rodriguez: I want more. And I think for me and my perspective, I always wanted my mom's attention. Like I was, I didn't care if she was running two blocks down to the gas station. I wanted to go, you know, like I didn't, I was whatever they call it now, FOMO. Like I FOMO. I didn't want my mom to do anything without me, you know, and, and for you old folks, that's fear of missing out. Fear of missing out. Yeah. I didn't want to miss out. In-person participant 1: I want more. And I think for me and my perspective, I always wanted my mom's attention. Like I was, I didn't care if she was running two blocks down to the gas station. I wanted to go, you know, like I didn't, I was whatever they call it now, FOMO. Like I FOMO. I didn't want my mom to do anything without me, you know, and, and for you old folks, that's fear of missing out. Fear of missing out. Yeah. I didn't want to miss out. JR and Dustie Rodriguez: Especially when it came to my mom like I just wanted to be with her and do whatever she was doing, you know And I'm still a mom's girl But Yeah, like you start feeling like there's not you know, she's spread very thin growing up, you know before she met my stepdad She was spread thin because she had to provide she had four kids to feed, you know and then when they got married it was like In-person participant 1: Especially when it came to my mom like I just wanted to be with her and do whatever she was doing, you know And I'm still a mom's girl But Yeah, like you start feeling like there's not you know, she's spread very thin growing up, you know before she met my stepdad She was spread thin because she had to provide she had four kids to feed, you know And then when they got married it was like one JR and Dustie Rodriguez: Now there's more time because she's spending time with him, but she's also trying to provide and taking care of four kids. And I don't think it was ever anything that she. In-person participant 1: Now there's more time because she's spending time with him, but she's also trying to provide and taking care of four kids. And I don't think it was ever anything that she. JR and Dustie Rodriguez: I don't think anybody can. feel like even with us sometimes, like I can't, we can't always fulfill our kids needs in that aspect of, I mean, they always want our attention. They always want our time. It's a 24 seven thing, you know? So there's not any blame in her, you know? I think just as a kid, In-person participant 1: I don't think anybody can. feel like even with us sometimes, like, can't, we can't even always fulfill our kids' needs in that aspect of, I mean, they always want our attention. They always want our time. It's a 24-7 thing, you know? So there's not any blame in her, you know? I think just as a kid, JR and Dustie Rodriguez: Cause I can look at it now as an adult and understand it. But as a kid, you don't understand those things. You're just like, all I know is I want more time with my mom or, know, and so you're like, well, maybe you, it's just not, you don't understand that she is spread thin and she has all these things on her plate at the time. You just think like she doesn't have time for me, you know, and I don't fault her for that. Well, that's that universal truth that In-person participant 1: Cause I can look at it now as an adult and understand it. But as a kid, you don't understand those things. You're just like, all I know is I want more time with my mom or, know, and so you're like, well, maybe you, it's just not, you don't understand that she is spread thin and she has all these things on her plate at the time. You just think like she doesn't have time for me, you know, and I don't fault her for that. Well, that's that universal truth that JR and Dustie Rodriguez: We only know our perspective. And in that moment when you're a child, you really don't see the bigger picture of bills and having a roof over your head. Right, that's not your responsibility. That's not something you've ever done. And now as an adult, we can look back and say, and I can say, like, she actually did a damn good job of spreading herself between us kids, given, you know, because when I was, I think I was 10. In-person participant 1: We only know our perspective. And in that moment when you're a child, you really don't see the bigger picture of bills and having a riff over your head. Right, that's not your responsibility. That's not something you've ever done. And now as an adult, we can look back and say, and I can say, like, she actually did a damn good job of spreading herself between us kids, given, you know, because when I was, I think I was 10. JR and Dustie Rodriguez: They got married when I was 10 and then shortly after we moved from California to Utah so that my dad could go to school. And you know, he was in school for years and she was the sole provider financially. And so like even more so, I can look back and think, I don't know how she did that. Like I don't, I don't think I could even do it with two kids. It's hard for me. Like. In-person participant 1: They got married when I was 10 and then shortly after we moved from California to Utah so that my dad could go to school. And you know, he was in school for years and she was the sole provider financially. And so like even more so, I can look back and think, I don't know how she did that. Like I don't think I could even do it with two kids. It's hard for me. JR and Dustie Rodriguez: when I am working or when I have worked, it's very hard for me to manage the two kids we have, a marriage, the house, you know what I mean? And I was not solely responsible for the financial part of it. So I look back and I think like she did a hell of a job, know, given even given my perspective at the time, know, but she yeah. Anyway, my mom's amazing. In-person participant 1: when I am working or when I have worked, it's very hard for me to manage the two kids we have, a marriage, the house, you know what I mean? And I was not solely responsible for the financial part of it. So I look back and I think like she did a hell of a job, know, given even given my perspective at the time, know, but she yeah. Anyway, my mom's amazing. JR and Dustie Rodriguez: She is amazing. But and my stepdad is too. Like he had no hesitation took on four kids that, know, like he didn't have to. Right. He didn't have to, you know, take on four kids and raise them because I never felt in my perspective that I was a stepchild. You know, I still don't feel like he's my dad. And I feel like he's never made that. In-person participant 1: She is amazing. But and my stepdad is too. Like he had no hesitation took on four kids that, know, like he didn't have to. Right. He didn't have to, you know, take on four kids and raise them because I never felt in my perspective that I was a stepchild. You know, I still don't feel like he's my dad. And I feel like he's never made that. JR and Dustie Rodriguez: disconnect which I know can happen in a lot of families when they do you know have step parents but I've never felt that way so I just feel like when you're growing up and you're you don't have those other perspectives and so a lot of feelings come that are like they don't love me they don't want me they don't want to spend time but it's In-person participant 1: disconnect which I know can happen in a lot of families when they do you know have step parents but I've never felt that way so I just feel like when you're growing up and you're you don't have those other perspectives and so a lot of feelings come that are like they don't love me they don't want me they don't want to spend time but it's JR and Dustie Rodriguez: It's not that, like I don't, I don't know if our kids ever feel that way, but that's definitely not how we feel. You know what I mean? Like we love our kids. We want to spend every moment we can with them. And, but you still have to work and you still have to sustain your marriage and you still have a house to run. In-person participant 1: It's not that, like I don't, I don't know if our kids ever feel that way, but that's definitely not how we feel. You know what I mean? Like we love our kids. We want to spend every moment we can with them. And, but you still have to work and you still have to sustain your marriage and you still have a house to run. JR and Dustie Rodriguez: Well, and that's one of, like I say, it's, one of those things that perspective is really lost. You don't really gain higher levels of perspective until you start having to deal with some of that stuff. So as a kid, for you, your sole purpose in life is it's about me. Yeah. It's not about, and I don't know what it's like. Like I said, I grew up as an only child. So I don't know what that difference is in mentality when you do have siblings, but it's very much poor me. In-person participant 1: Well, and that's one of, like I say, it's, one of those things that perspective is really lost. You don't really gain higher levels of perspective until you start having to deal with some of that stuff. So as a kid, for you, your sole purpose in life is it's about me. Yeah. It's not about, and I don't know what it's like. Like I said, I grew up as an only child. So I don't know what that difference is in mentality when you do have siblings, but it's very much poor me. JR and Dustie Rodriguez: Mm-hmm. Like, yeah, I mean, I think you start and I we've even seen it in our kids that you start to see the They start pointing out and feeling like you're giving that kid more attention Than me or you're doing more with them or you love them more like we have experienced that with our kids, you know one feels like the other one's more important or they're loved more or And and again when you're a kid you don't understand In-person participant 1: Mm-hmm. Like, yeah, I mean, I think you start and I we've even seen it in our kids that you start to see the They start pointing out and feeling like you're giving that kid more attention Than me or you're doing more with them or you love them more like we have experienced that with our kids, you know one feels like the other one's more important or they're loved more or And and again when you're a kid you don't understand JR and Dustie Rodriguez: all of the aspects. You don't understand that things that we now understand looking and being parents that we are like, well, maybe I have been spending a little more time because their needs change on the daily basis. This day, our oldest may need me more than my youngest. So, you know, but in their perspective, it's you're doing more. love her more. You, know, In-person participant 1: all of the aspects. You don't understand that things that we now understand looking and being parents that we are like, well, maybe I have been spending a little more time because their needs change on the daily basis. This day, our oldest may need me more than my youngest. So, you know, but in their perspective, it's you're doing more. love her more. You, know, JR and Dustie Rodriguez: And so I think there was also some of that, like maybe my oldest sibling needed more attention, know, whoever of the three needed more attention. And you kind of look at it and go, well, this one's good. Let me focus on this one. Like this one needs me more than this one at the moment. So, and that's hard with four kids. That's, you know, and I think it's even harder as a parent. In-person participant 1: And so I think there was also some of that, like maybe my oldest sibling needed more attention, know, whoever of the three needed more attention. And you kind of look at it and go, well, this one's good. Let me focus on this one. Like this one needs me more than this one at the moment. So, and that's hard with four kids. That's, you know, and I think it's even harder as a parent. JR and Dustie Rodriguez: to evaluate and you can't always treat them all exactly the same. You know? Which I feel like was the difference with maybe your grandpa. Mm-hmm. Because I feel like when you talk about your grandpa, he was very good about spreading that. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's, I mean, because you felt the same way about your grandpa. You know, but I think it's easier for grandparents. In-person participant 1: to evaluate and you can't always treat them all exactly the same. You know? Which I feel like was the difference with maybe your grandpa. Mm-hmm. Because I feel like when you talk about your grandpa, he was very good about spreading that. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's, I mean, because you felt the same way about your grandpa. You know, but I think it's easier for grandparents. JR and Dustie Rodriguez: And I could say the same thing about my mom now with our kids is because you don't have all the other expectations and all the other aspects of it because grandparents don't have to provide financially. They don't have to be there 24 seven. They don't have to, you know, so I think it's, it's a different dynamic that way. anyway, we ended up moving to Utah and In-person participant 1: And I could say the same thing about my mom now with our kids is because you don't have all the other expectations and all the other aspects of it because grandparents don't have to provide financially. They don't have to be there 24 seven. They don't have to, you know, so I think it's, it's a different dynamic that way. anyway, we ended up moving to Utah and Did you like Utah? I hated it at first. I was still pretty young. mean, I was. JR and Dustie Rodriguez: Did you like Utah? I hated it at first. I was still pretty young. mean, I was. our kids' ages. And so it was different, you know? It was really hard, I think, for me because I didn't have my grandpa. I didn't have everybody that I had grown up with, my cousins, my aunts, my uncles. There wasn't a, we're going to grandpa's this weekend. In-person participant 1: our kids' ages. And so it was different, you know? It was really hard, I think, for me because I didn't have my grandpa. I didn't have everybody that I had grown up with, my cousins, my aunts, my uncles. There wasn't a, we're going to grandpa's this weekend. JR And Dustie Rodriguez: Because you guys grew up pretty close to like your cousins and mm-hmm. big family dynamic. Yeah my mom's side of the family plus You know my dad's side of the family now, right? Cuz they were all there they lived close to you. Yeah, we lived in apartments and They lived directly across the hall. So it's like You know, bottom apartments and then you have stairs that go up and there's one here, one here. So, and there's like a, not an enclosed hall, but. But like a breezeway. Yeah, like a breezeway. Um, and they live directly across from us. So, um. So yeah, we had everybody that we grew up with or that was our family back in California and it was all new. And as a kid... That's hard to be kind of uprooted from everything you know and the people you know. And I think that's when it started. for me, it was just, I took on that negative mindset of I'm just not gonna be. happy. You know, and I started, you know, my rebellion or whatever stage and got in with, you know, people that weren't doing, I mean, I don't think they were horrible people, just your kids. And then you go into being a teenager and you're experimenting things and you're, you know, skipping school and you're just doing things that you're not supposed to be doing or that you wouldn't have done before. And some of that could be attention seeking behavior. Yeah. And I don't feel like I ever was like. super close with certain people or like it was just like me and another person. And so I always kind of felt like I had friend groups, you know, and so kind of like you, like I always felt like maybe I needed to make myself stand out. And so I was doing the things and, you know, maybe the other people wouldn't do and, but it made me stand out, you know? And that's like we've talked about with our kids is You know, attention is attention, whether it's bad or it's Negative attention is still attention. so I think looking back now as an adult, I can say that that definitely was my mindset. Like if I'm not going to get attention. by being good. I'm going to get it by being bad. And I got it. I put my parents through hell. And it got to a point where I was, you know, smoking, drinking, not going to school. They couldn't find me some nights till three in the morning. And they were planning on and getting ready to. It's just. so that I understand the timeline a little bit. So this is like from 10 to like 15, 16? Yeah. And it's, I probably should have started out with this, but it's really hard for me to remember a lot. I don't have very many memories, specific detailed memories. from childhood. Which we can, I think we can get into that. A different, yeah. Well, and we can get into that closer to like now. Yeah. Later on in your story. Because it'll kind of bring everybody back to, okay, well that makes sense. Right. So 15, 16-ish. Yeah. You're doing everything you're not supposed to be doing. Yeah, I just, was never home. I was out. They didn't know what I was doing. You know, smoking, drinking, trouble in school, fighting school. And my parents had decided that my dad was going to take a job in Northern California. And we were going to move there. And I don't, again, have a lot of memories, so I don't know exactly how that played out. I don't I don't know what. if it was even, I just remember it being in 97, 1997 that I ended up in Northern California. But. So they sent you to Northern California. They sent me to Northern California. To try and keep you out of trouble? To try to keep, I think, yeah. I remember at the time it being we need to get you away from, this situation, from these people, from what you're doing and. you know, like I was going into my senior year of high school and I needed to get it together. But I think the hard part for me was that they sent me by myself and they all stayed back. They weren't coming. I don't remember how long it was until they ended up coming and moving, but they sent me there by myself to live with my grandparents, my dad's parents. And so for me, As a teenager, I didn't understand it like I do now as an adult. You know, because like I've told you, I would have done the same thing for our kids. Had we been in that situation of we need to get her out of here, away from these people. This is already in our plans, but we need to get her there now. And they felt at the time that that was what needed to be done. From my perspective though, it was they don't want me. I'm... not good enough. I'm not like you're just go away because I don't want to deal with you right now. And maybe there was a little bit of some of that. Like I could understand that as well now as an adult. Like I need to get our shit together to get us moved. So I need you to be out of that picture. But as a teenager, like that didn't feel good. You know, senior year. I mean, that's that's a big time for. Yeah. Yeah, because again, like if you put it all in like a timeline, it was like, I spent 10 years in California. Just established everything. Yeah. You're starting to get into your groove with things. And then again, right. Kind of uprooted, you know? And so and I was already in that mindset as a teenager of like, I don't care. I didn't care about anything, you know, kind of like you when you talk about your darkness, like I wasn't, you know, in into drugs and stuff like you were, but I was in some darkness within myself, you know, and feeling like I'm not enough. I'm not. I'm just. I'm unlovable or I'm unwanted, you know, and so I didn't care. I didn't care what people thought. I didn't care what I did. I didn't care what my parents thought. I didn't care about how, you know, my actions affected them. And, and so, yeah, I was in California with my grandparents and, know, my grandparents were great. They're You know, they took care of me. They made sure I was at school and, um, but again, it's my mindset. I didn't care. I, you know, I some good people there, but I also met some really bad people. didn't see it as an opportunity to start over. No. I it as a punishment. I saw it as a punishment and that was kind of my attitude towards it. Like, okay, the scenery changed, but I still was smoking, still was, you know, doing a lot of those things and just hanging out with people that did the same. And so this is senior year. This is senior year. You're getting ready to graduate. Ninety eight. Yeah. And I had just turned 18 and we decided to do like a girls day or whatever because we were pretty close to Reno. And so, you know, you went to Reno a lot to do your big shopping and the mall and stuff. And because we lived in a pretty small town. Yeah, now, as I understand it, the town that you guys lived in is basically at the end of a freeway. It's literally the freeway ends in this. It's like the end of the freeway. Yeah. You're just like dumped into the town. So there wasn't a lot to do like and I. You know, me and my friends were not the only kids that got in trouble and it was a small town and there's nothing to do. You know, there was a college there. So you just drank and smoked and did what college kids do to hang out with the college boys, even as. know, high schoolers and. Anyway, so we had decided to go to Reno that day and just hang out, go to the mall, whatever. And. one of my friends at the time. She was pretty well known for stealing. She just was a teenager and that's you know what she did. And we went to a department store and we're just you know shopping whatever looking around. She wanted to try on a whole bunch of stuff. I don't remember if I was trying on stuff or not but I went We decided to go into the dressing room together and stuff. And you know, you're with your girlfriend. Like we just went in together and we were going to get dressed together and try stuff on together. Like we didn't have separate rooms. And she started shoving a bunch of clothes into her bags, like because we had bags from stuff that we had already bought throughout the mall. And she just started shoving all this. stuff that she was supposed to be trying on into these bags. And I just thought, okay, you know, that's her choice. Like I didn't and maybe I should have said something, but I didn't. Like I was just like, okay. And we walked out. She took her bags and we started to walk out of the store and I don't remember. I feel like maybe I carried one of the bags for her. I don't remember. I only remember because I know myself and I know that I did not take anything myself personally. And. It was like three, like three security guards met us outside and told us, well, you need to come with us. We need to check your bags. You know, we can see you on camera. You were stealing. And I thought, okay, but not me. Like I didn't like she's going to get in big trouble. Like she's in trouble. Little did I know. She was only 17, maybe even 16 at the time, I can't remember. And I had just turned 18. So you're the adult? I'm the adult in the situation. So they took us to this little room, they're looking through all the bags, they're adding everything up, they had called the police. The police came and they arrested me. They took her to juvie and they said, we're arresting you for grand larceny. what was the other one? Robbery or something, I don't know. There was a few charges and I was like, okay. I guess I'm going to jail. And I was still, I just remember feeling so, a little bit of like, I don't care, but also like, but I didn't do it. Like I didn't steal, those weren't, but I was guilty by- Association. Yeah. Because I walked with her. Just so. I mean, a lot of people probably don't know, or maybe they do, but generally in law enforcement, the way it works is... Oftentimes not always but oftentimes they're going to charge you with as much as they can to try and get a plea deal out of you Yeah, so that's Yeah, so that's that's one facet of what you encounter the other facet is They are going to always charge the adult and they did Regardless of who's involved in the situation if you are the adult you're catching the charge that is generally the most serious. And I did. And, you know, now looking back on it, part of it was my fault. Did I steal merchandise? No. But I didn't interfere with what she was doing. I didn't tell her it was wrong. I didn't say, I want no part of this, I'm out. You know, if you want to do this, you continue. Like, there are a lot of things that I could have done to protect myself that I didn't. And so anyway, I ended up going to Reno Women's Correctional Facility. And I remember just calling my mom and... being like, you know, this is what happened and they're charging me. would have loved to have been in that conversation, just knowing your dad, what that conversation would don't even, I don't know the words even that I said. A lot of that is like blacked out from my memory. I just, just knowing your dad and knowing. I remember snippets. I remember snippets of like being there from the time it happened to the time I got out of jail. I just remember like little snippets of it. And I remember being on the little pay phone that they have in the area where they book you. And I remember just sitting there thinking, this is, I guess, gonna be my life. Like those are big charges. Even then at the time I was like, that's felony. Like that's a lot. And I remember feeling scared, because it's not, I hadn't been in trouble before. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know who I was going to be, you know, around or with. And that's the scariest thing, right? Is you don't, it's the unknown. You don't know what you're walking into in that situation. And TV and news and all this stuff. mean, it shows you some. it's very scary and. I don't even know that I remember. thinking like, oh, I need my mom to get me out of here. I think I was more in the mindset of like, this is my life, I guess. This is what I'm gonna have to do. And I don't even remember how long I was there, to be honest. I'd have to ask my mom. I'm sure she knows down to a T. Because I can't imagine as a parent, that's any phone call that you want or any, you know, I'm sure it was. excruciating for them. But they did come and get me, get me out, got a lawyer, up pleading them down from felonies to misdemeanors and then had to pay a fine. but I think that experience for me was. Jarring enough? Jarring enough to be like, yeah, I don't want to go down this path anymore. It also gave me a glimpse of like the shit that I do put my parents through at the time, you know, or that I was putting them through. And you don't fully understand even then as an 18 year old, like you're still a kid. You may be an adult. by the book, but you're still a kid. And I just started to realize like... this isn't what I want to do. This isn't who I want to be. This isn't who I am. And so I ended up moving to my sister that is 18 months older than me. She was living down in Southern Utah with some girlfriends. She was going to college. She was, you know, getting her life on track and I decided to go move in with her. and. to just have that new start that I think my parents wanted for me when they moved me back to California. And I was doing better, you know. I was trying to, I was working, I was trying to... do better, be better. And I had my sister and she's, you know, a great person too. Like she's a good influence. So she was helping me to kind of be on the right track. But I ended up meeting someone that... I don't even know how to explain it. He just... was manipulative, he was abusive, was very controlling. And I think that was my first real experience with love or what I thought love was or what love is supposed to be. and I think that kind of set that precedent for this is what it is. That's what you do in a relationship. So you put up with it. I mean, the fancy word for it now is domestic violence, right? But so you're subject to the gambit, probably. The manipulation, the verbal abuse, the emotional abuse. And I think people don't realize too that like, for me anyway, my perspective is it wasn't even the physical, it was the I mean, even the physical was pretty minimal. I mean, no physical is right, but like compared to the mental and the emotional and like the manipulation, I think that is what messes you up even more for me anyway. It messed me up way more than I think the physical. And so. because that also contributes to some of that underlying feeling that you had already. Yeah. Of what am I doing wrong? Yeah. Yeah. And it's it's it's weird. The the tricks that kind of plays on your mind, it's like. When you're in it, it's like this is all I. deserve. is all it's ever going to be. And so I just need to accept it and be happy with it. Because if not, they're going to leave me. And then again, I'm unwanted. I'm not. I won't ever be good enough. And, you know, a lot of those situations, those partners will tell you that. you know, I it was drilled into me that like you can leave but like you won't ever find anybody like me nobody's ever gonna love you like this nobody you know and so you just get into this space where it's like it's acceptable this is just my life you know and I was already kind of had that mindset like when I had went to jail it was just like accept it for what it is this is what my life's gonna be deal with it and. It ended up that my sister was going to go on a mission for the church. And my parents had moved around that same time. They had moved from Northern California here to Idaho. And this was around 99, 2000. So two years after graduation. then. So you're about Yeah, I was around 20. 1920. And she was leaving to go on her mission to a different state. And she was coming to Idaho first though, because she was going to fly out of Boise, I believe. Probably to see her parents. Yeah. And we had to move, you know, all of her stuff up here to where. my parents were. So I came with her and I was like, I guess I'm moving to Idaho. I I didn't really have anywhere else to go. And it was at a point in time where it was like, You know, I had found out that he, my ex was with 10 other women and all these kids and it was just a mess. And I was like, I don't, I don't want to do this anymore. But for context, my opportunity to, but for context, this is still your first love. So you still got all of that, that comes along with your first puppy love. Yeah. I mean, it was hard. It was, but it's always been. For me, it's always been easier and very easy for me. to choose my family over a man. Because, you know, even especially at that point in my life, it was like, no, I want to go with my sister and I want to go be with my parents. And so for me, it was like, yeah, I love him. But. You know, again, like I'm a mommy's girl. Like I want to go with my mom and this is my opportunity. So I'm taking it. But, know, we were still together or whatever, and he ended up coming here to Idaho shortly after. He decided he was going to come and we would work it out and blah, blah, blah. So he was going to move here? Yeah, he moved here. He came here and. He wasn't here very long. And I just, I had been here for, I want to say, I don't remember the exact timeline, but I want to say it was a couple months before he came. So I had been, you know, on my own. I had been experiencing life without him and how much better it was. And so by the time he got here, I was just like, not into it. Like not, I think a little bit, I was trying to make it work, but I didn't want to. and yeah, he, there was an instance where we got in a fight and he laid his hands on me for the last time. And I just remember calling his mom and being like, I'm taking him to the airport. So you probably should figure out a flight. and at the time your dad and your brother know. They don't know. I didn't tell them until after. Because? Because I know my dad and my brother. And they didn't like him anyway. yeah, that was the last time I saw him. And I just kind of broke that. And at the time, I remember thinking, I will never do this again. Like, I won't. I'm not gonna do this to myself again. Even if I have to be alone. If that means being alone, okay. Like I was finally, I think centered in on my family and how important it was and everything that I had put them through. And that was important to me. So. I felt like I'm never, I'm not gonna put myself through that anymore. I'm starting to kind of feel like I do deserve more. Like that doesn't have to be my life, you know? So on that note, we are going to end part one of Dustie's story. Please. you know, join us for the second part of her story. And we wish you all a blessed week and we'll see you on the next one.