Latest / Black Fridays: Business Growth for Entrepreneurs, Creators & Professionals / The Attachment Pattern That's Killing Your Relationships - Ep. 187 w/ Jazzmin Pitts

Transcript

The Attachment Pattern That's Killing Your Relationships - Ep. 187 w/ Jazzmin Pitts · Black Fridays: Business Growth for Entrepreneurs, Creators & Professionals

0:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I just want it to be around women that we're trying to heal themselves and that we're actively on the journey because it was a space that I feel like I need it.
0:09
[SPEAKER_02]: So it started as a Facebook group.
0:10
[SPEAKER_02]: We would have this outings.
0:12
[SPEAKER_02]: I think we started with like a bonfire release.
0:14
[SPEAKER_02]: So it started with just events and like workshops.
0:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Then when I went back to school and I started learning about attachment awareness, I'm like, okay, this is what I want to focus on specifically.
0:24
[SPEAKER_02]: If you learn that you don't need love or you are not going to receive love, you learn that that's something that's not expected as you grow up, you start to become a void in another area.
0:35
[SPEAKER_02]: So this can lead into your leadership, this can lead to your relationships, the way that you're parent, because you learn that's needed.
0:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Like we need to kind of talk about this, especially in the black community where a lot of our parenting was built on survival.
1:07
[SPEAKER_00]: work in professionals, creators, entrepreneurs, I need you out of tap the end.
1:11
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1:28
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1:46
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1:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Now let's go ahead and get back into the episode.
1:52
[SPEAKER_00]: What up, Bill.
1:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Black Friday family.
1:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome back to another installment of Black Friday's podcast.
1:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Before you get into today's episode, and you did it.
1:58
[SPEAKER_00]: I like buttons, subscribe, drop a comment, send some videos to family friends and loved ones, and then we keep this thing going.
2:03
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
2:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Now that we got that business out of the way, I got somebody in the building who is dedicated to making sure that our black women are healed and overcoming their trauma.
2:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Miss Jasmine pits.
2:13
[SPEAKER_00]: How you doing today?
2:14
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm great.
2:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Thanks for having me.
2:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.
2:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for putting up to the platform.
2:18
[SPEAKER_00]: And so we'd love to be able to dive into heal black women, which is your nonprofit that you have created.
2:25
[SPEAKER_00]: But one or two is some terminology that you use in order to describe some of the work that that you are involved in.
2:33
[SPEAKER_00]: So I want to see if I get some definitions around those to be able to add more context to the story.
2:39
[SPEAKER_00]: So talk to us
2:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, so it's really the understanding of not just yourself, but also the understanding of other people around you Kind of like the read the room type style, but also that sofa awareness of When you're feeling certain emotions how to navigate those emotions as well Yeah Gotcha and then also Attachment theory what what does attachment theory mean?
3:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, so this is my heart pride and joy, I've changed my life.
3:13
[SPEAKER_02]: So attachment theory is pretty much about how you learned emotional safety as a child.
3:19
[SPEAKER_02]: So there is a whole thing that happened called the strange situation.
3:26
[SPEAKER_02]: It was an experiment that two psychologists went through John Bobbie and Mary Ang's worth.
3:34
[SPEAKER_02]: and they actually watched children as they were growing up and watched their parents different ways that they reacted to the child.
3:43
[SPEAKER_02]: So you had a mom that may be avoiding the child or not given to the child's needs when they cry.
3:49
[SPEAKER_02]: And that created a sense of, okay, well, I'm learning not to need you.
3:54
[SPEAKER_02]: And these are a certain patterns that start to just develop over time.
3:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, they don't go away.
4:00
[SPEAKER_02]: So, um, if you learn that you don't need love or you are not going to receive love, you learn that that's something that's not, um, expected as you grow up, um, and you start to become a void in another area.
4:12
[SPEAKER_02]: So, this can lead into your leadership, this can lead it to your relationships, the way that you parent, because you learn not to need it.
4:19
[SPEAKER_02]: So there were I think it's four different attachment styles that they discovered and they all put people into certain categories of over performance of shutting down of secure attachment, which is where we all want to be where we can have that emotional intelligence in.
4:36
[SPEAKER_02]: can rely on people and feel trust and safety but my whole mission is to bring awareness to these things because most times you don't really learn about it unless you go to therapy.
4:47
[SPEAKER_02]: So just trying to bridge the gap between therapy and the community.
4:52
[SPEAKER_00]: And you call yourself the attachment healer.
4:55
[SPEAKER_00]: So when did that journey begin for you in first understanding the concept and then also being able to incorporate that into your life to
5:06
[SPEAKER_02]: It happened at undergrad, so I went back to school.
5:12
[SPEAKER_02]: I kind of got tired of my own miss.
5:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Just, I went through a divorce.
5:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Just a lot of self sabotage starting and stopping things and a lot of anger that I held for my mom.
5:22
[SPEAKER_02]: I didn't know I was going to discover this, going to school for psychology, but probably shouldn't know.
5:27
[SPEAKER_02]: But we had a personality course, and I was so excited about it, because I love taking personality quizzes.
5:34
[SPEAKER_02]: So we had an attachment style quiz that we had to do a discussion on, and then our reflection, our results after we took the test.
5:41
[SPEAKER_02]: And the test just went over so many different things.
5:43
[SPEAKER_02]: It was very triggering, because it's like, how did you feel with your mom, how did you feel with your dad,
5:51
[SPEAKER_02]: And when I went through the test and saw my results, it was like looking at my life on the screen, which is like everything just clicked in a make sense of like, oh, this is why I shut down this is why I receive love and push people away and like everything just clicked for me.
6:05
[SPEAKER_02]: And as I started to dig deeper, I'm like, we need to kind of talk about this, especially in the black community where a lot of our parenting was built on survival.
6:14
[SPEAKER_02]: So we don't really get that emotional aspect all the time.
6:17
[SPEAKER_02]: And when I went back and started teaching my mom these things and started helping her through her relationship with her mom and seeing it work.
6:24
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like, oh my god, like this is actually something that can be healed and something that could be walked through.
6:30
[SPEAKER_02]: So I think one of the biggest things that I love is that.
6:35
[SPEAKER_02]: It's learned experience and it's also clinical experience, so isn't that like a lot of times it's psychology is just observing other people's behavior, but this is actually something that I've been through, something that I've healed through that I walked through and seen the change.
6:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Very dope.
6:49
[SPEAKER_00]: And I got more questions for you, but before we get into those, I want to introduce you to my favorite part of Black Friday is which is a free style Friday.
7:05
[SPEAKER_00]: So feel free to start rapping whenever you're ready.
7:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
7:08
[SPEAKER_00]: You can sing dance poetry, whatever you have you want to express your creativity.
7:15
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not that free.
7:17
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm a writer.
7:17
[SPEAKER_02]: I can't go off the dome.
7:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
7:20
[SPEAKER_02]: But I'm far away from home.
7:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
7:22
[SPEAKER_02]: You know I roam over to the black Fridays.
7:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's talk about.
7:27
[SPEAKER_02]: get it things my way the way I see it people need to be healed.
7:32
[SPEAKER_02]: So I got to get in the field.
7:33
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know.
7:34
[SPEAKER_00]: That's all I got.
7:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Shout out to you.
7:40
[SPEAKER_00]: For giving us some bars at least.
7:43
[SPEAKER_02]: That was all cringing.
7:45
[SPEAKER_00]: But you did it.
7:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah.
7:47
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you're on mine, I would like to ask you just a few rapid fire questions since you actually gave us some some averse here.
7:53
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, so we're talking about trauma, healing, um, tax material, most of them tells all the things.
7:59
[SPEAKER_00]: But what is a way that you prefer to be able to kind of relax and like detects?
8:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Hmm, well, one of the things I love to do is music, so I used to sing, well, I still sing, but I guess I used to sing and record my singing.
8:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
8:15
[SPEAKER_02]: I used to do albums and things like that, so I love, love, love writing.
8:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, I don't know if you're familiar with ESA Rae and in security.
8:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.
8:24
[SPEAKER_02]: I am the person that goes around the house and wraps in the mirror or wraps what they're doing to dishes and does little things and little quirky, just little little things that I like to do.
8:32
[SPEAKER_02]: So that's kind of like my style of unwinding, also in the jump, like, thank God.
8:39
[SPEAKER_02]: It took a long time to get to the point of trusting myself enough to keep consistent.
8:45
[SPEAKER_02]: So that's something that I love to do and just kind of get all of the angst out, all of the just.
8:51
[SPEAKER_02]: unlocking and then lately has been walks like just going outside and walking I just moved to a new neighborhood and it's peaceful and it's getting out there and walking around and like listening to Drake so he's giving me a lot of albums to listen to on the walks so that's been kind of my thing okay any hobby that you indulge in
9:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I thought I'd find it hard for me to find new hobbies or things I get interesting in.
9:21
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, wonder what other those do for day hobbies.
9:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, so one of the things, like I love nature, uh, so I don't get out as often as I would like, but I love kayaking and I love horseback riding.
9:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Those are like times here for me.
9:36
[SPEAKER_02]: I would not recommend going on bailout and doing, uh, kayaking, that's right.
9:40
[SPEAKER_02]: And then the trail was a little little treacherous, but um, yeah, those are some of the things that I anything that can kind of just steal my mind, um, and just where I can kind of connect outside of the phone and emails and all those things.
9:53
[SPEAKER_02]: So yeah.
9:54
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'll note that you're an author, do you have any books that you are reading right now or that you recommend the folks?
10:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, I'm one of my favorite favorite books as somebody actually gifted to me and it was kind of divine timing.
10:05
[SPEAKER_02]: I was a key person of influence by Daniel Priestley that book was fire.
10:11
[SPEAKER_02]: It kind of just talks to you about your positioning, it talks about your products and how to really like put yourself out there and your purpose and it changed my life and my perspective.
10:22
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'll always, always recommend that book.
10:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't.
10:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, thank you for partaking the freestyle Friday.
10:28
[SPEAKER_00]: She did a great job, and then we even got the bars on top of that.
10:30
[SPEAKER_00]: So I don't know if I'll call them bars.
10:34
[SPEAKER_00]: So in your nonprofit work with healed black women, tell us how did that part come about because you talked to us about your journey and then even being able to go.
10:43
[SPEAKER_00]: backwards and talk to your mom about her relationship with your grandmother and now being able to do that and provide resources to other women in similar situations.
10:54
[SPEAKER_00]: How did that come about?
10:56
[SPEAKER_02]: So it actually started in 2021.
10:58
[SPEAKER_02]: It was just a Facebook group.
10:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I just wanted to be around women that were trying to heal themselves and that were actively on the journey Because it was a space that I felt like I needed.
11:08
[SPEAKER_02]: So it started as a Facebook group.
11:10
[SPEAKER_02]: We would have this outings.
11:11
[SPEAKER_02]: I think we started with like a bonfire release where we kind of went in
11:15
[SPEAKER_02]: just wrote down things we wanted to release.
11:17
[SPEAKER_02]: It was healing and people were talking about how much they needed a community.
11:20
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, okay, let's kind of keep this going.
11:23
[SPEAKER_02]: So we started with just events and workshops.
11:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Then when I went back to school and I started learning about attachment awareness, I'm like, okay, this is what I want to focus on specifically.
11:34
[SPEAKER_02]: I actually started doing research on it where
11:38
[SPEAKER_02]: and I'm still trying to decide if I want to do the whole doctor dissertation, all of that is very stringuous.
11:46
[SPEAKER_02]: However, I started building the framework as I was preparing for those things.
11:51
[SPEAKER_02]: And once I saw like, okay, this is something I saw that I was talking to my mentors and they're like, this is grounded theory.
11:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, this is something that we can push forward.
11:59
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like, okay, this is what I want to build on.
12:02
[SPEAKER_02]: This is what I want to focus on.
12:04
[SPEAKER_02]: I built my curriculum around it.
12:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, so we walk through like awareness first where they actually learn about attachment what it is How it's developed and then we go into safety and then we start to talk about regulating your triggers because You know, once you learn your awareness and on there's still triggers that's gonna come up So how do we regulate those when they show up and then how do we integrate this into our lives where this is no longer
12:27
[SPEAKER_02]: theory but practice so it was definitely something I felt like was needed and the response was was like yeah this is what I want to do like Sam people actually heal things that they didn't even know like I always knew something was there but I didn't know what the core issue was and I'm very big on solving core issues instead of just putting in band aids so yeah.
12:49
[SPEAKER_00]: and through your time and doing this type of work and building that community, how often have you seen that is it, is it something where everybody deals with this type of attachment, awareness or, uh, uh,
13:07
[SPEAKER_00]: blanking on terminology, but is it a situation where you see that everybody is dealing with this or is it just being able to be unlocked in certain people or what have those learners been like for you so far?
13:20
[SPEAKER_02]: So that's been amazing.
13:23
[SPEAKER_02]: So we started with women.
13:25
[SPEAKER_02]: I also had piloted a youth program.
13:28
[SPEAKER_02]: But one of the things about attachment awareness is it starts from
13:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Everybody experienced different forms of relationship with their parents, their caregivers.
13:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Everybody came out differently, where it's like, okay, well, I learned I had to perform for love, so that made me anxious.
13:47
[SPEAKER_02]: So now I have anxious attachment where I'm overperforming at the job because it's tied to myself worth.
13:52
[SPEAKER_02]: This is how I receive safety.
13:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Or this is I shut down in meetings because I'm used to, you know, shutting down during conference or a confrontation.
14:01
[SPEAKER_02]: So with something that comes out in everyone because everyone started from somewhere along this scale.
14:09
[SPEAKER_02]: One of the cool things I was able to see, I was I do a leadership program as well.
14:14
[SPEAKER_02]: So I went through a 12 week process with a leadership
14:21
[SPEAKER_02]: And it was the first time I've kind of worked with males and it was like, oh, no, like, this is for everybody.
14:27
[SPEAKER_02]: So it was just, it's universal.
14:29
[SPEAKER_02]: It's definitely raw in emotional, but the more that you pull out and the more that you, you go with it and start to recognize these patterns.
14:41
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like a whole light just opens up.
14:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
14:45
[SPEAKER_00]: And how do you initiate that work does it start with the assessment similar to what you did and then you kind of dig deeper or how does that, how do you initiate that type of work?
14:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so it always starts with the assessment.
14:56
[SPEAKER_02]: That's under our awareness where we talk about what it actually is.
15:00
[SPEAKER_02]: I've discussed the theory, go into like the details.
15:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Then they take the attachment style quiz and once they figure out, okay, this is where I kind of land.
15:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Then we start to dive into, okay, what does that mean?
15:12
[SPEAKER_02]: And then how can I become safe within myself?
15:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Because a lot of times we look outward for safety, but it's like it starts internally.
15:19
[SPEAKER_02]: So one of the big things that I'm always preaching about is just like internal safety.
15:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Like how do we build that?
15:27
[SPEAKER_02]: How do we keep that even when situations arise?
15:30
[SPEAKER_02]: How do I always find my center?
15:33
[SPEAKER_02]: And then we go from there and we start, okay, let's see where those triggers lying.
15:37
[SPEAKER_02]: And now that I know, oh, I'm getting triggered because I have anxious attachment.
15:41
[SPEAKER_02]: And these are the things that trigger me, I can see it.
15:44
[SPEAKER_02]: So now I need to learn how to put a pause between that in a way that I'm not exploding on other people.
15:49
[SPEAKER_02]: So it's a process, which is why I kind of switched the cohort style because when I was doing workshops, it's like you get pieces here, you get pieces there, but it's as journey.
15:58
[SPEAKER_02]: And I wanted to make sure that I finished the journey out.
16:01
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
16:02
[SPEAKER_00]: And then do you have in terms of that journey because I'm under the understanding that or the philosophy that you're never truly like fully healed, like that's a lifelong journey, a continuous thing that you have to do.
16:15
[SPEAKER_00]: So in terms of the programming that you provide,
16:19
[SPEAKER_02]: is there a like finite amount of time or it's just kind of like a I'm way too for life or as long as you need it's a finite amount of time but that is something that I'm actively working through because I want to be able to kind of be there afterwards like if you need to have a touch point or touch but um it's so it is becoming more intensive where it's like okay I want you to leave with your plan so everyone
16:44
[SPEAKER_02]: This is my attachment.
16:45
[SPEAKER_02]: These are my triggers.
16:46
[SPEAKER_02]: These are things I'm working on.
16:47
[SPEAKER_02]: This is my guide of like my regulation tool kit that I can go through like we've been have done bags that actually represent like Paul's so when I'm feeling triggered I can reach in my bag.
17:00
[SPEAKER_02]: I can do something that kind of pauses my brain and then I can move forward because that's the biggest thing is the pauses not like like you said just being healed and
17:08
[SPEAKER_02]: You never have to deal with it again, but how do I deal with it?
17:11
[SPEAKER_02]: How do I stop myself before I spill into the same pattern?
17:16
[SPEAKER_02]: So that's been something that's been beneficial.
17:19
[SPEAKER_02]: I've seen it a lot.
17:20
[SPEAKER_02]: I've had a lot of people come back like, hey, I need some more.
17:23
[SPEAKER_02]: I need this.
17:24
[SPEAKER_02]: So it's definitely a journey and I try to make sure that I'm there without betraying myself either because sometimes like it's a lot of compassion that goes into that and just making sure that that people feel like they can move forward.
17:40
[SPEAKER_00]: And there's one of the recommendations as part of the toolkit to be able to seek therapy if you're not currently in therapy or how do you how do you work or coincide with people leverage in therapy.
17:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so I always speak highly of therapy.
17:57
[SPEAKER_02]: I do encourage people to get an attachment aware of their pissed.
18:00
[SPEAKER_02]: So there are people that specialize in attachment awareness.
18:04
[SPEAKER_02]: And therapy, like it's not one-size-fits-all, I'm often talk about the fact, because you come with people that have stories a little.
18:11
[SPEAKER_02]: I went to therapy and it didn't work.
18:13
[SPEAKER_02]: But it's like, if you go to a hair stylist and they did you wrong, are you going to stop getting your hair done?
18:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Or are you going to try somebody else?
18:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
18:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
18:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Just kind of actually going through and seeing who fits you, like who do I feel like I can relate to and be safe with.
18:27
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm always advocating for that.
18:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Some of the events that we've had, we've had therapists on site that we can refer to.
18:37
[SPEAKER_02]: So that is something that I always advocate for.
18:40
[SPEAKER_00]: And you're a journey and being able to talk to your mom about some of the traumas and things that you dealt with and your relationship with therapy something that helped you navigate that?
18:52
[SPEAKER_02]: No, unfortunately.
18:53
[SPEAKER_02]: So I did try therapy though.
18:55
[SPEAKER_02]: I did try different therapies.
18:57
[SPEAKER_02]: One of the things that is difficult when you're going to school for therapy is finding a therapy.
19:02
[SPEAKER_02]: It's because you're so analytical about little things where it's like,
19:06
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know, so that's my personal battle, but I have been to therapy multiple times, but I'm like I said a writer.
19:15
[SPEAKER_02]: So anytime I'm going through stuff like before I even discovered attachment, I went back and I started tracing roots of things.
19:23
[SPEAKER_02]: COVID made us kind of sit with our souls.
19:25
[SPEAKER_02]: And a lot of times that can be uncomfortable for people that don't do that.
19:28
[SPEAKER_02]: It was extremely uncomfortable for me because I'm sitting with my trauma and all my thoughts.
19:33
[SPEAKER_02]: So I decided to just start digging, like okay, what's coming up, like what's the root of this?
19:38
[SPEAKER_02]: What is the trigger and just writing it down?
19:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I have a notebook just filled with my observations of myself.
19:45
[SPEAKER_02]: And then once I started learning theory, I was able to piece things together.
19:51
[SPEAKER_02]: But it's definitely been a journey.
19:55
[SPEAKER_02]: me and my mother have it's been a lot.
20:00
[SPEAKER_02]: But I can probably say that that is one of my best friends now.
20:03
[SPEAKER_02]: It was a point where we were blocked on Facebook.
20:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And I talk about that openly because it's a testament of just the work that's been done.
20:12
[SPEAKER_02]: And one of the things about learning the attachment is it kind of
20:15
[SPEAKER_02]: It takes off that that layer of anger from misunderstanding.
20:19
[SPEAKER_02]: A lot of times we demonize our parents that they got it wrong.
20:22
[SPEAKER_02]: They weren't there.
20:24
[SPEAKER_02]: But when you realize they didn't have the tools, they don't know any of this stuff.
20:27
[SPEAKER_02]: They're just doing what they were learned or taught.
20:30
[SPEAKER_02]: And then also they were just surviving and trying to make sure you survived.
20:34
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like, okay, how can I see this from a different lens that removes that anger?
20:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Even if it's not reconciliation, it's removing anger from you so you can move on.
20:44
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm assuming your mom is genetics.
20:48
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll always forget what's the, what that era like late 60s, 70s and we're running.
20:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so probably Gen X.
20:55
[SPEAKER_00]: How was the, I'm assuming you're millennial?
20:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
20:59
[SPEAKER_00]: So how was the dynamics of being able to come to that conversation or initiate that conversation because like the running joke that I've seen on social media is like you go to a Gen X parent as a millennial and try to tell them like, you know what you did?
21:13
[SPEAKER_00]: When I was a kid, it was messed up and then they just started boohoo and like,
21:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, forgive me for being such the, forgive me for trying to raise you the best where I could and it's just kind of more like the flexion essentially and not really trying to Deep into the discussion because they they grew up in a different area different time where the emotional stuff that one that one always readily available or the most Popular cool thing to do so wondering how was how was that dynamic when that conversation got initiated
21:42
[SPEAKER_02]: It was rough initially because it was some of that.
21:46
[SPEAKER_02]: It was more so y'all always want to throw around that trauma word and it's just like, but it is trauma.
21:53
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like, but I learned as I grew to change my approach.
21:59
[SPEAKER_02]: It's something that I speak on all the time.
22:01
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like, once you start learning things, you want to quickly go in and like, this is what you did wrong.
22:06
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like nobody responds to it.
22:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Like if I'm being chastised, I'm not going to respond in the way that's like,
22:11
[SPEAKER_02]: I understand.
22:13
[SPEAKER_02]: So one of the things that helped was not talking to my mom about what she did wrong, but asking her questions.
22:20
[SPEAKER_02]: I started asking her questions and little stuff about her childhood, about her room growing up, and it started giving me more of the scene where I'm like, okay, I can understand how this became what it was.
22:32
[SPEAKER_02]: And one of the things that I wrote about in the book
22:36
[SPEAKER_02]: it was a key moment where I saw myself in my mom and she talks about how she used to love when her mother greets her scalp as a child and you know when people are talking to story and they kind of look off and they're like finally remembering something but then you see their face change and she's like that was one of the only times that she was
22:56
[SPEAKER_02]: physically like affectionate like when she actually touched me and it was like wow because my mom wasn't very affectionate with me growing up and that was something like I used to pretend to be sick longer because that was like the only time that she was really affectionate.
23:10
[SPEAKER_02]: But I saw myself and her in that moment and it was like oh my gosh, it's not a woman that is trying to hurt me.
23:16
[SPEAKER_02]: This is a woman that learned a pattern and learned not to need these certain things and then
23:21
[SPEAKER_02]: passed on to me that hey I don't need these things so I don't know how to give it to you and then you passed that on to and it just keeps going.
23:29
[SPEAKER_02]: So it really, it really changed my viewpoint of her, it humanized the situation.
23:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Instead of making me feel like you know she did this to me, it was more so a collective understanding and it started the conversation to where we could talk about those things and those patterns and just have more opening on this communication.
23:52
[SPEAKER_00]: So I know that your mother you have two daughters correct.
23:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, so in terms I'm curious because I think about like my Growing up my grandma my mom they would get into it about random stuff, but it was like it's funny because obviously your mother and daughter But they had certain situations that'd be like bigger like they siblings and then we're not
24:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Looking when I was being a don't and looking back on it, I'm like dang, they actually was a lot of like and I think that because of that that's why they probably like but it is because it's almost like arguing with a younger version or another version of yourself.
24:23
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a wondering in you having daughters yourself and then also the dynamics and conversations you have your mom do you feel like that.
24:30
[SPEAKER_00]: plays a factor especially like when it comes to women we get more specifically black women in their daughters do you feel like that sometimes like that you'll see a clash because it's like it's almost like to the same person talking to the same person or same personality yes so a lot of times my
24:49
[SPEAKER_02]: But it's usually to either one of two extremes where it's like, okay, I act just like my mom and that's why we clash or I'm trying to be so much not like my mom, that that's why we clash.
25:01
[SPEAKER_02]: So I definitely see that my daughters are two sides of me.
25:06
[SPEAKER_02]: My youngest is the very emotional and just empathetic side, and then my oldest is a very like and a little cool and like Like she's quick to say something with something's not right.
25:17
[SPEAKER_02]: She's for my very very very outgoing and just open an honest So it's it's definitely I've definitely seen myself in them and sometimes I just have to laugh because I'm like, oh, you actually just like I'll act in that work today
25:35
[SPEAKER_02]: So it is a reflection.
25:37
[SPEAKER_02]: There's a lot of times that I used to be really hard on myself when I was like, I know all this stuff about attachment and I'm teaching these women like, I'm going to make sure I make sure my kids are right.
25:47
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's like the biggest thing that I've learned and that has helped me and my parenting is to teach humanity over perfection.
25:55
[SPEAKER_02]: So there are times where, you know, I don't get it right or there are times where I may get frustrated and I may raise my voice and it's like being human enough to say you know what I'm sorry.
26:05
[SPEAKER_02]: I apologize or I could have handled that differently.
26:08
[SPEAKER_02]: And I feel like that has changed the dynamic in my relationship with my daughters.
26:13
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not a perfect mom, but I know that they feel safe coming to me.
26:18
[SPEAKER_02]: There's been times where, you know, I went,
26:20
[SPEAKER_02]: out of town for a conference and they've been with my mom and dad and did not come back and my daughter gives me all of her emotions throughout the week.
26:28
[SPEAKER_02]: She cries just about everything that happened at school and I'm like hey did Jane and tell you about what happened at school?
26:34
[SPEAKER_02]: You're like no she was good but it's because she felt safe enough to like who I can exhale here.
26:39
[SPEAKER_02]: So I feel like that is that is a true staple of just parenting from a human lens and from an awareness lens as a
26:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Speaking of parenting and children, I'm wondering if you could break down your definition of, because everybody talks about healing my inner child or my inner child wants this and etc.
27:01
[SPEAKER_00]: etc.
27:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Could you like break down what is your definition of a inner child quote unquote?
27:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so the inner child is just that your inner pattern is the things that you learn to do to survive your environment.
27:14
[SPEAKER_02]: So for me, I was this organized attachment which is kind of like a pushing pool.
27:19
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like, I want the love, but I don't trust it because it's not consistent.
27:23
[SPEAKER_02]: So I pull away.
27:24
[SPEAKER_02]: I saw that a lot of my relationships were just like, okay.
27:27
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm feeling like this, but now that I feel like this, I don't trust it.
27:31
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm a pull away to keep myself safe.
27:33
[SPEAKER_02]: So your inner child is just that that behavior that you learn at pattern that that keeps you quote on quote safe But it's actually working again to you sometimes, but this is just you know your guard This is the mass that you wear into the world So healing that is through awareness like I'm aware that this child is there and then asking yourself is this my inner child being activated Or is this actually really happening and that's something that I talk about a lot in the cohort is just like
28:02
[SPEAKER_02]: the difference between your attachment being activated or it's like I'm being triggered and I'm making up this story to match my trigger versus no this person actually is unsafe or this person actually is doing something that I need to speak up about instead of boundary but there's a difference and I had to learn that the difference between attachment awareness and your nervous system actually telling you data
28:23
[SPEAKER_00]: And you seem like a pretty self-aware person in terms of being able to, like you say, you're even documenting certain things from your past or childhood and being able to kind of trace back certain things that would trigger you and trauma points, things like that, but I'm sure if you've come across that, that's not a common thing for a lot of people in terms of being a self-aware, or even thinking that's something that is wrong, how can people
28:48
[SPEAKER_00]: be more, how can they become or work on becoming more self-aware to really like do that in a work to understand, okay, what might be going on here or to take those pauses and like, you know what?
28:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Just really messing with me.
29:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me figure out why.
29:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, when you come to my program, but also that awareness piece, like it just starts with observing like the lay of the land.
29:10
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I'm I'm very analytical.
29:13
[SPEAKER_02]: I might be overly analytical, but I'm very like, okay, I'm feeling like this.
29:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Let me see what is actually behind here.
29:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, okay, this happened.
29:22
[SPEAKER_02]: For instance, and I always tell the story and leadership.
29:26
[SPEAKER_02]: I had, I was new to the job and we had a training where they needed, you know, to put our pictures up and, you know, talk about who we were and all these things.
29:36
[SPEAKER_02]: So they pulled my picture up on the screen and it's a picture that, I took that was my headshot that I did not like, and I told somebody I didn't like it.
29:43
[SPEAKER_02]: I didn't tell this person that put this presentation together, I didn't like it, but I was immediately activated.
29:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, oh, they're trying to embarrass me.
29:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, why would they put this
29:54
[SPEAKER_02]: That doesn't mean that that was the intention.
29:57
[SPEAKER_02]: So instead of reacting, I removed myself from the situation for a second, which I always talk about different ways that you can pause.
30:04
[SPEAKER_02]: For me, it was just about for a second, it's a brief.
30:07
[SPEAKER_02]: To ask myself, is this person intentionally trying to hurt me?
30:10
[SPEAKER_02]: When I realized that's not the case.
30:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Do I still feel the same way?
30:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, I do.
30:15
[SPEAKER_02]: So if it's something I still feel what needs to be communicated It's like, okay, I need to communicate to this person.
30:20
[SPEAKER_02]: I kind of don't like that hashtag because you're not used that And that's it.
30:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes it's simply just that pause of actually scanning
30:30
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's the awareness piece, it's not perfection, it's not okay, I have to jump through these hoops, it's just taking the pause to really see, is there something that even really be mad about or is there something that needs to be communicated?
30:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Because most of the times, the inner child is something that needs to be communicated, I need to feel seen, I need to feel heard, I need to feel safe.
30:50
[SPEAKER_02]: So what's being communicated and how can I communicate that?
30:53
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm glad you brought that up in terms of the workplace because I've had situations in the past where I'm black guy from schoolcraft from the West Side Detroit.
31:04
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's just like, it'd be a lot of things that go on in corporate America or in those settings that people are used to or slide when I'm like, when I'm from and how I was raised, you would have seen me.
31:17
[SPEAKER_00]: It was, uh, I never, I never forget the situation at work, and then a guy he was a working on project with him used to be my Superrother manager, whatever you want to call it, but then he wasn't anymore, and then he just was dope, the tone and the way whatever he said came out seemed sounded very condescending and then so like I think maybe
31:38
[SPEAKER_00]: I got some guidance on to let us say if I don't be too quick to react, but ended up having this up and meeting with him like, look brother, like this state, that's not how we gonna how we gonna do things and then it like that got super tense, but he understood, like
31:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Bro, that's not that's not how I'm rolling.
31:56
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't plan on disrespecting you.
31:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't disrespect me So far, but I just think that made me think about how often those situations probably happen And for people that look like us, where's all I what you say who are you talking to or and even in your case It was just a picture that you didn't want to you wanted to be used and then immediately it took you to a place like y'all got me
32:15
[SPEAKER_00]: And so like how do we how do we deal and navigate with those things bit where you know you be a you could you could be a therapy You could like to be going good for you, but then like something like that happens like it's up now
32:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
32:27
[SPEAKER_02]: That's why like it was so cool to see the leadership team because there's different dynamics and everybody's version of safety is different.
32:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Everybody has a different attachment style.
32:37
[SPEAKER_02]: So I could be shutting down because I'm fearful in this situation or I don't trust this situation or whatever in the case may be but now your anxious person over here is like oh they're shutting down.
32:48
[SPEAKER_02]: I have to lean in they're leaving me and that fear of abandonment kicks in and now
32:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, so learning that in leadership, it helps with learning how to communicate because it's not just, okay, I know myself.
33:01
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like, no, I know my team.
33:02
[SPEAKER_02]: So I know who is, who is knowing what?
33:04
[SPEAKER_02]: I know the landscape and I know how we can work together more cohesively, uh, which was great to see.
33:10
[SPEAKER_02]: It was really cool to actually see it in real time, um, and to have the feedback of like, wow, like we're understanding.
33:17
[SPEAKER_02]: I may have had a two people in the same department that were like, man, we just realized that a conversation we had two years ago wasn't even what we thought it was, like, and it was that thing, like this person was anxious, and this person was avoiding, and I thought because she was avoiding the situation or didn't want to help.
33:36
[SPEAKER_02]: like she was betraying me, but really that's just her attachment style and that's how she keeps her so safe.
33:42
[SPEAKER_02]: So they were able to hash it out, excuse me.
33:44
[SPEAKER_02]: They were able to hash it out and actually see like, oh wow, this person didn't mean me ill intent.
33:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Which was dope.
33:51
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like y'all going back and healing two-year-old conversations.
33:55
[SPEAKER_02]: So this is definitely something that's necessary and something that I've been trying to push as like the standard practice.
34:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Like you can't
34:03
[SPEAKER_02]: have successful teams and teams that are leading communities and not be so fuller or not be aware of your dynamics and not be working through somebody's things because it trickles out until your work.
34:17
[SPEAKER_00]: And then as far as your work goes, it's actually expanded so you have a app that you're working on in order to further what it is that you've been doing.
34:25
[SPEAKER_00]: So could you tell us a little bit more about that as you enter into the tech space?
34:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, it's exciting, it's exciting to see it come to pass.
34:33
[SPEAKER_02]: It started as just, oh, we should probably do this.
34:35
[SPEAKER_02]: This will be cool to actually go on the Black Tech Saturdays and finding my developer and now being at the point we were about to drop it.
34:43
[SPEAKER_02]: So the app is called Hilling Out Loud because my whole thing is making emotional literacy something that is normal.
34:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Something that is not silenced, because a lot of us are carrying things in silence.
35:00
[SPEAKER_02]: But it starts with an attachment style quiz.
35:03
[SPEAKER_02]: We've changed some of like add some questions to make it more culturally relevant.
35:09
[SPEAKER_02]: And then it goes into voice note record or recording.
35:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Where you're actually, I don't know if people like to write as much as I do.
35:16
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm like okay, we can record your voice notes.
35:19
[SPEAKER_02]: You can start to see some of the things that are working throughout the week.
35:24
[SPEAKER_02]: And then you have AI integration that kind of goes off of your reflections.
35:28
[SPEAKER_02]: your different voice notes throughout the week.
35:31
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm seeing these type of trends.
35:33
[SPEAKER_02]: And from there, we have micro lessons that go into the different attachment styles.
35:37
[SPEAKER_02]: We can learn more about the attachment styles, the patterns, how to heal from them, triggers, all those type of things.
35:45
[SPEAKER_02]: There's healing receipts, which I think is so dope, because we need incentives, like we need
35:50
[SPEAKER_02]: things that show that you're doing to work.
35:52
[SPEAKER_02]: So you get a healing receipt when you do a voice note.
35:56
[SPEAKER_02]: And the goal is to have the healing receipts to actually lead to tangible incentives where it's like we're partnering with different community like you say you get 10% off a yoga or different candle spots and things like that.
36:09
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm really excited about it just because I know that people need to language and like I say oftentimes they don't get it unless you do go to therapy.
36:18
[SPEAKER_02]: So just trying to to make it more broad and make people have a better understanding of themselves.
36:25
[SPEAKER_00]: And then why go the app route.
36:27
[SPEAKER_02]: because it can multiply the message.
36:29
[SPEAKER_02]: I am only one person, and I am doing so much.
36:32
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm always just trying to do it all, and I'm like, how can I put what I'm doing in the pockets of everybody?
36:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Where you don't, if you can't come to the co-workers, I've had people who's like, oh, we need to have something here, and I'm like, whoa, I'm in Detroit, I'm not in Atlanta.
36:49
[SPEAKER_02]: So it's like, how can I spread the awareness to the masses instead of just locally?
36:56
[SPEAKER_00]: very dope.
36:57
[SPEAKER_00]: And you have mentioned you went to BlackTex our days to be able to work with a developer in order to get that how was that community been able to support with that.
37:08
[SPEAKER_02]: It's been dope, so I actually met a girl Bree who was doing, I forget her platform.
37:14
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like animation and she's the one that told me that, oh, you need to talk to once I was telling her about my ideas, like you need to talk to Dr. Marshall.
37:23
[SPEAKER_02]: So I met with Dr. Darrell Marshall and just the, like,
37:28
[SPEAKER_02]: sitting down with somebody and them actually believing in you and like really like hey like okay let's let's put this to actual paper let's actually put this out um and just it got me excited it's like wow this can actually be something for real so um i'm definitely not into like i don't know all the tech jargon he was able to kind of coach me through like i know what the MVP is now
37:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, so he really just assisted me him as team.
37:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Uh, total analysis, just like walked me through the process in a way that I can understand, um, the turnaround has been fast and amazing, and it's everything.
38:05
[SPEAKER_02]: So it was just like, wow, like this, this is not just a space, um, that you come to for a workshop.
38:12
[SPEAKER_02]: This is space where you're actually connecting with people and meeting your developer and making things tangible.
38:17
[SPEAKER_02]: which is crazy.
38:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, for sure.
38:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Shout out to the BTS community and beyond that, you have an annual event that you have going on.
38:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And then for this year to be happening next month, so could you tell us more about that activation?
38:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
38:33
[SPEAKER_02]: So, outside of my free status, I do love music for real.
38:38
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm a big music hit.
38:39
[SPEAKER_02]: So this idea kind of merges both.
38:42
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm very big on healthy forms of dopamine.
38:45
[SPEAKER_02]: So we always talk about, you know, people cope in different ways, you know, indulging, drinking, overindulge, or whatever you do to kind of escape.
38:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, I wanted to create something that is a healthy escape, where it's like, okay, this is something that is feeding me instead of depleting me.
39:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, so rhythmic reflections is an infestible.
39:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, it started last year.
39:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, where I wanted to combine like live artists that had a message behind their music.
39:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, they do a song and then we do an interview portion where they kind of tell the story behind her song and how it relates to their healing journey.
39:21
[SPEAKER_02]: And then everything else is meant to be felt, so we have yoga, we have a black carpet, which is so dope, like she opens up the show, we have a live painting that people can contribute to throughout the night.
39:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Massages, black wellness vendors, even last year we did where you come in and you have different colors, which we're doing again this year.
39:43
[SPEAKER_02]: If you feel introverted, you know, you pick the red, if you pick, you know, green is like, kind of open to conversation.
39:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Yellow, I might just be filling out the space.
39:51
[SPEAKER_02]: I want everybody to feel comfortable.
39:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Like a lot of times we go to events in this, it can be over stimulating.
39:56
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like, okay, if I know where people let, then I know how to approach you.
40:00
[SPEAKER_02]: So I just want everybody to feel seen, everybody to experience creativity as a form of healing and expression.
40:08
[SPEAKER_00]: And then what's the information for that?
40:09
[SPEAKER_00]: So, where's it going to be when is it how can people access it?
40:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, so it's going to be July 18th at St. Detroit, Play Center, and it is from 4 to 8.
40:21
[SPEAKER_02]: So, you say, how can it access it?
40:25
[SPEAKER_02]: You can go to Eventbrite, rhythmic reflections unmuted is what is called, because we need to unmute ourselves.
40:34
[SPEAKER_02]: So it could be the tickets are there, also through my Instagram, the attachment healer I've been posting about it all the time, so you can find it that way as well.
40:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Perfect.
40:45
[SPEAKER_00]: And also, I had mentioned your book earlier that you had wrote, could you tell us about that and how that has been able to also be in an extension of your work.
40:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
40:56
[SPEAKER_02]: So that actually came from the book I talked about, um, the key personal influence.
41:02
[SPEAKER_02]: So one of the things that they talk about is how your book is like your business card.
41:07
[SPEAKER_02]: A lot of times we walk around with our business cards was like the book is the invitation and so the work.
41:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, so once I heard that I'm like, okay, let me, let me start thinking about what I want to say.
41:18
[SPEAKER_02]: What is my voice in it and what is my experience and what is my framework?
41:23
[SPEAKER_02]: So, um, it's called Healing Your Hidden Child from Guarded to Ground it.
41:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, and it is literally what we walked through in the cohort just like that I'm wearing this piece.
41:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Like my first time that I became aware and kind of the backstory of where it is all started.
41:39
[SPEAKER_02]: my family dynamics and just things that lessons that I've learned over time as well as some areas for reflection.
41:46
[SPEAKER_02]: So that is, that has been a journey.
41:49
[SPEAKER_02]: I was exciting to actually finish it.
41:51
[SPEAKER_02]: I had a dope, our artist that comes and does the collective painting.
41:56
[SPEAKER_02]: It's actually the person that designed the book.
41:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Cover.
41:59
[SPEAKER_02]: So then you'll gain shout out to you.
42:01
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, and I just wanted it to feel very much so me, um, but also very no fluff like I don't like when you go to a book and you got to get to it all the way in the middle to try to find the gym So I'm like let me, how would I want to read something?
42:15
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like I want to get to the point and I want people to know the real steps So that is that's the book.
42:22
[SPEAKER_02]: It's on amazon.
42:23
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm currently working on my next book, which is self trust versus self betrayal
42:30
[SPEAKER_02]: my whole other season of life journey and the different ways that I learned that I was betraying myself out of loyalty, out of long-lasting relationships that you feel like, whoa, whoa, this is supposed to be like this.
42:44
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm not like I'm actually feeling safe in this environment.
42:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Work environments, different things are the ways that we betrayer ourselves.
42:51
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm really excited to put that one out as well.
42:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, talk to us a little bit more about that a second part of what you say in terms of being able to self be true.
43:04
[SPEAKER_00]: How can you, because when I think about that, I think about boundaries.
43:07
[SPEAKER_00]: And like you have mentioned, I must say in relationships that might not necessarily serve you any more things like that.
43:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Why should people be more intentional about creating those, those personal boundaries?
43:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Because a lot of us are just, like, we're living on default settings.
43:25
[SPEAKER_02]: We're living on old patterns and friendships, and that all friendships are supposed to last.
43:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Our relationships are supposed to last.
43:33
[SPEAKER_02]: And we ignore our nervous system.
43:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Our nervous system is like the biggest litmus test of how we're actually feeling.
43:40
[SPEAKER_02]: It's the data.
43:42
[SPEAKER_02]: If I come in here and I'm always feeling like my body is tight.
43:45
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm tense.
43:45
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm feeling like,
43:47
[SPEAKER_02]: like hot like why am I feeling like this but we ignore that like we just keep pushing like oh well it's fine and it's betraying yourself like you're betraying what your body is feeling for proximity and we do that often so I feel like it's important for us to even know what that is how to recognize it so that we don't keep ignoring it.
44:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Because that's what leads to those triggers and those explosions and everybody like what happened But you have all this stuff built in underneath where it's like I've been feeling like this for a long time But I've been ignoring it.
44:19
[SPEAKER_02]: So how do I start to pay attention at first and actually say no the first time without you know damaging yourself in the long run or other people
44:31
[SPEAKER_00]: And how do you know sometimes when it comes to situations where you may be like your body or your mind is reacting in a certain way in certain situations or circumstances, where it's like, you know, like the older generation of like, y'all just saw, y'all being soft or it actually is like something that might be trauma like,
44:59
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm triggered or whatever, like, no, you're not.
45:00
[SPEAKER_00]: You just, like, whatever, it's something else.
45:02
[SPEAKER_00]: But how do you, how do you kind of, sort through that?
45:05
[SPEAKER_02]: It takes time, it takes a lot of time, and it takes time in between, like you said, the triggers in the response, because you have to get it on a assessment of yourself, because sometimes you could just be popping off.
45:17
[SPEAKER_02]: But it's like when I put that gap in between, I'm able to kind of calm that initial reaction, those initial flare-up emotions, and I'm able to see clearly.
45:26
[SPEAKER_02]: So sometimes this simple is not sending the email right away or not having a conversation,
45:34
[SPEAKER_02]: We push conversation, or people will push you in the cycle, no, I want to take my time, so I can give a response from a level hit.
45:41
[SPEAKER_02]: So that time piece, and that pause, is one of the biggest game changers in the healing journey because that is where you find your center.
45:50
[SPEAKER_02]: And if you're not doing that, you're living in reaction.
45:54
[SPEAKER_00]: And so tell us, what do you, what's next for you?
45:56
[SPEAKER_00]: So we talked about the events that's coming up.
45:58
[SPEAKER_00]: You got to go on on, but what's next for you?
46:01
[SPEAKER_00]: What's next for you?
46:02
[SPEAKER_00]: He'll black women, what do you see in your crystal ball that you could tell us about?
46:07
[SPEAKER_02]: I see wrist one, I'm definitely working on living a balanced life and saying no to certain things and like guarding my time a little better as a creative is like we want to do all the things and it's like I'm creating creating just on the spot like.
46:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh my gosh, like this and this and you keep adding, but then you're trapping yourself in your creation.
46:32
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm learning to slow down.
46:34
[SPEAKER_02]: So I said, I've been taking more walks and just ease.
46:39
[SPEAKER_02]: And not living in that, like, there's a balance between hustle and flow, not to, like, shout out the movie.
46:45
[SPEAKER_02]: But...
46:46
[SPEAKER_02]: There is a balance in that.
46:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Like you have to learn that it's not all hustle.
46:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes it's flowing.
46:51
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't have to push so hard for things like timing, timing is right and just being consistent.
47:00
[SPEAKER_02]: So that's what I'm focused on.
47:01
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not focused on putting up the notes out.
47:03
[SPEAKER_02]: I feel like all the things that I'm doing just need consistency and they need time.
47:09
[SPEAKER_02]: So that's what I'm focused on.
47:10
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the word right there for sure.
47:13
[SPEAKER_00]: So how can everybody in touch with you?
47:15
[SPEAKER_00]: How can they tap in with you if they want to follow the journey?
47:18
[SPEAKER_00]: They want to be able to partake in some events or any services that you have going on.
47:23
[SPEAKER_00]: How can they reach you?
47:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so my Instagram is the attachment healer.
47:28
[SPEAKER_02]: So that's one way that's where I put most of all my stuff linked in as Jasmine pits.
47:34
[SPEAKER_02]: I also have the Hill Black Woman website.
47:40
[SPEAKER_02]: hbwomen.org.
47:43
[SPEAKER_02]: So that's the way that you can learn about the events in the cohort and then you come to the festival as well and I'll be making some special announcements, some special activations.
47:55
[SPEAKER_02]: So yeah, I'm just tapping.
47:58
[SPEAKER_00]: for sure.
48:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, appreciate you for stopping by the podcast today and being able to break down some of these concepts, theories, to learn more about how people are able to overcome, heal their inner child, overcome some of their traumas and do so in healthy and impactful ways.
48:15
[SPEAKER_00]: So, appreciate the work that you're doing to be able to support people who are in those spaces and understand those lanes and appreciate you for being here once again.
48:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you, and I'm gonna just say that self-trust.
48:29
[SPEAKER_02]: That's what made me rap for real, because I would normally, the old me would have been like, no, it's fine, but it's like, you know, you learn to be bringing in yourself.
48:37
[SPEAKER_02]: So, the dude to work.
48:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Dude to work, dude to work, dude to work.
48:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
48:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Everybody listen and watch it.
48:44
[SPEAKER_00]: It's been an episode of Black Friday, I guess we're gonna tap in with you all soon.
48:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Peace.