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Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just- The Perils of Arrogance and Anger 6.05.25 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  True and that is he has four types one is simple the guy is
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  very slow who talks only to a few people gets out of his chair
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  very slowly he says that very slowly that's an arrogant guy
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  heavy guy another guy is scary intimidating person also a level
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  of arrogance. Everyone can be the exact same.
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  Any one of us could be scary if you want to.
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  We could all be intimidating. That guy who thinks it's cool to
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  be intimidating is actually just about Galva we're.
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  The first guy we could be too. We could all be the same guy.
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  So teal guy and the other ones are more unique where they don't
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  really show it so clearly, but they are so arrogant that they
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  actually they know that it's smart to be humble.
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  That's good for popularity to be humble.
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  And they said he says, I don't care about anything.
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  That too can be an arrogance. And he says that that guy
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  usually show his true colors when he gets angry over
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  something small, that's when it shows out.
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  Those are the guys. And then there's the fourth guy
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  who really never shows it, who has a buried deep inside, and he
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  says the way that fourth guy functions is he says no one else
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  is worth anything to me. I'm so much greater than
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  everyone else. I don't even need to be treated
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  like anything. I'm just so special.
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  OK, talk to a magazine person. That one is not so common, but
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  the other ones are very common now.
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  And what ends up happening is they push away a shem when they
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  have this holiness. The beauty of all these four
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  people is the whole bunch of sketches.
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  But what's the 4th size motive? What's the motive?
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  Nobody knows. Right this.
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  Story. You know, I'm saying people just
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  don't have a motive. They just rather do it.
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  They just have. Nobody wants to know.
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  Why would the guy be interested? What's his physical drive?
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  So as we desire to hide his arrogance.
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  It sounds a little bit like I'm walking around.
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  I'm the king of Brooklyn. Nobody knows about it, but I'm.
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  I'll tell you the reason they do so.
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  The reason the bird does so is he wants to stick to his opinion
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  and he wants to have his sense. Let's go a little deeper.
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  Why are people are the core of everything?
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  Literally, they want to feel good about themselves.
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  The core of everything in this world is you just know this.
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  I think what are we dealing with people is people want to be
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  relevant. They want to be relevant and
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  that's it. And because of that, so some
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  people think if I carry myself intimidating otherwise would
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  otherwise would be afraid of me. That's relevance.
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  If I carry myself slowly, other people will be impressed by me.
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  There's a sense of power that's relevance.
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  If and the fourth guy, if I am safe and I consider everyone
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  nothing and live without means I'm something.
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  Therefore I always feel good about myself.
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  No one can ever take me down. It's the wrong version of having
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  confidence. Confidence, real self-confidence
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  means I feel fully confident at all times.
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  No one can really hurt me. Great, they want to raise our
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  kids that way. But this guy is misguided.
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  His lack of guidance tells him I feel awesome all the time.
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  Nobody is smarter than me. No one is better than me.
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  No one is more impressive than me.
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  And if no one could take me down, it's a very safe,
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  protected way of being. That's the more to do.
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  I'll never get insulted. You'll never get argued by he
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  he. Sounds measured.
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  He's. You don't.
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  Know the guy in the basement that's got opinions to the wazoo
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  and he thinks he knows everything?
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  You know the other guy, the guy who calls the radio station, he
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  thinks. Yeah, but everyone knows he's a.
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  Lot of people have, and all these levels of arrogance.
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  A lot of people have a little bit of this guy, a little bit of
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  that kind, a little bit of this layer.
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  No one really is, you know, fully on these degrees of
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  arrogance. Most known people cannot
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  function. They can't be part of the real
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  world, the nation world with any of these degrees the full way.
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  But they have an element of this.
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  Let's see all these different versions of the GAVA causes
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  wisest people to regress. It ruins the mind of those who
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  are wise, even the great sages, and if students are not properly
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  learning, they sure they're at risk with this kind of arrogance
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  to falling apart and falling off their wisdom.
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  Al qulam nehmar to avat Hashem called gvalev.
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  Hashem considers such a person who is arrogant to be to Eva
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  disgusting when we kulam Zarif, she and IKEA had said, and
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  without an acute we need to be very distant on this approach.
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  Veda V Avin, you need to know and understand key en agava El
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  evaron mamash. Arrogance is blindness.
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  It's literally being blind. I should end circle Adam.
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  It's just not allowing yourself to see your floors.
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  That's all it is. And to recognize the fact that
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  you're a human being, if you're able to see him, to identify the
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  truth, Hayasar, Umitra, Hek, Nikola de Rahim, Haraim and
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  Makukalin, he would have avoided such paths.
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  He would have been very distant for such a path for all.
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  If I will speak more about this eventually, but he says when he
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  talks about the Medal of Humility.
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  But for now, when it comes to the idea of cleansing your
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  character, of making him that key, you want to avoid arrogance
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  at all. Course you want to tell
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  yourself, I don't need to be a sketch.
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  I don't need to carry on myself with this fake sense of who I
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  am. I can be as confident as it
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  gets. I don't need this false
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  narrative. I don't need this false
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  perspective. I don't need this idea that
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  everyone is looking at me as if I'm something special because
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  I'm making myself special. It's a complete sketch.
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  That guy is like anyone else. His same flaws.
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  His wife, by the way, treats him the same way if she's able to.
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  His children get along and don't go anything the same way.
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  His coworkers behind his back or his employees behind his back
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  talk about him the same way. He's got no more, you know,
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  better relationships, better friendships and you know more
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  people appreciate him. He just has this little circle
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  around himself called I Am Great.
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  And in reality, he's gaining nothing from this approach.
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  He may be gaining more notoriety in the community.
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  He might be gaining a bigger name in the community that yes,
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  but nothing else when it comes to his actual self is more
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  enjoyable. He's not developing in character
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  because he has his protective bubble.
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  He is not developing more real friends because they can't say
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  anything wrong to him. They can never say anything to
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  him. Honestly, his marriage is
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  shaking because I have to always be on tonight's right.
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  Even if his wife might get along with him, it's still essentially
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  his children either are terrified from him or don't get
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  along with him. The moment they get their own
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  keys to their own accounts. Reality, right?
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  All this unravels because this person has never allowed himself
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  to have actual genuine character getting along.
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  How do you have getting along? By being a human being who is
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  humble in a sense that I'm not perfect and I do not need to be
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  treated that way When I carry myself with a knee, to be
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  pompous, to be sitting on a sort of throne, to be treated like a
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  king, to have that whole approach, I end up ruining
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  everything for myself. My relationships, my
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  development, my friendships, my own character, all that.
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  My down to earthness, my balance in life.
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  It's all out the window. We decide you need to be on a
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  perch. That's how it goes.
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  Fine. Now let's talk about anger a
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  little bit. First of all, before we go
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  forward, do we see this concept of how destructive arrogance is
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  to go with your personal relationships and the care of
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  the development scene? The guy is like this, the robot,
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  he can't become anything. Nobody wants that to break blue
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  over his eye, right? No one wants everything and he
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  can't grow, right? Can't get through, can't
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  penetrate, can't talk to him. So a lot of people like that,
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  unfortunately. So they say you're your own
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  worst anime. Yeah, there's a concept called
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  Matil Emma. One of my one of them bombs
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  lists a bad character and a bombs says very bad thing for
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  the home. It's called Matil Emma alibi.
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  It's what does it mean Matilia alibi scare to put in an
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  intimidating opponent and the all I mean in the old days when
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  the wife was you know that houses a little bit of a
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  different balance and the wife could have been scared of the
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  husband such a thing for her husband to do so to infuse that
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  fear into his home on his wife that on bombs.
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  This is terrible. I'll tell you why it's terrible.
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  Nothing in your home is real If you infuse that fear.
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  She she says she likes you. She don't really like you.
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  She you're trying to, you know, have, you know, she tries to
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  give you an opinion when it comes to how you dealing with
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  other people, she can't give an opinion.
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  All right, You don't have a real marriage.
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  You don't have really connection and strength and fortification
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  and human development. It's all phony.
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  It's all fake and marriage, which is the method that a
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  person can develop the best character to a marriage.
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  Marriage jokes aside, the best character comes through a solid
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  work on your marriage, not through a good marriage.
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  Through a good work on your marriage, we all eventually hope
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  to have a good marriage. Father's a process, the idea of
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  compromising. Think about the medium you
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  develop through marriage. So you can't have that.
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  If. You're the guy who she can't say
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  anything to you. Then you're the same guy.
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  I think about the medium we thought you develop.
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  You develop basic patients #1 all right.
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  You develop the ability to hold your tongue.
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  You develop the ability to hear other opinions.
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  Not easy to do exactly. You develop they need to change
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  your ways. This literally is, this is
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  life's. Life's school is the school of
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  characters. Marriage.
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  That's the way it is. It's a school of character not
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  to understand. Not to understand.
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  But everything develops through it right now, if you're willing
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  to buy in, if you want to jump in, if you want to listen, if
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  you have a degree of humility, great.
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  Not the Hardesty case, but the guy was open.
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  And that guy becomes a better guy and nicer guy and more
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  thoughtful person, a more understanding person, a person
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  who could change his ways, a person to be patient.
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  All the beauties of character come through buying into
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  marriage and all the flaws of untouched character, which is
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  when a person stands alone, what happens?
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  What happens to a single guy? What really happens could
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  happen. There's no patience right there
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  is going to eat you all the time.
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  Frustrated constantly. There's a a belief that
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  everything I say is right, right.
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  All those mindsets come to someone who's single very often
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  they're prone to that. So marriage, technically
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  speaking, can be the greatest developer of our character, so
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  long as well humble, so long as we're willing to listen.
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  Not how zeet, but there, but open, but two sides.
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  That's it. All right, but that's how
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  important the idea of removing Gava from our system is.
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  Just to open up the Medava of Cos for a second, how about
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  anger? How bad is anger?
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  Apparently the other thing about says it takes a man out of the
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  world. Takes you out of the world.
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  Exactly. And Hugo Ovett Abu Dazeera kilo
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  ABBA Daza means literally it's on the family and on the level
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  of ABBA Daza. Why?
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  Because anger is display of lack of Hashem's presence.
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  Arrogant is trying to push reaction's presence, anger flat
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  out. There's no Hashem when there's
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  anger. That's how bad it is all.
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  Right. Is that what the I read up with
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  the that bus? If you get angry with something,
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  that means you're not accepting Hashem's.
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  I guess the idea, that's exactly the idea.
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  If you get angry, you're not accepting, you're not accepting.
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  You don't really fully at that moment sense the existence of
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  Hashem. It sounds extreme, but the truth
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  of the matter is, anger is a goy me da.
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  Some of us have anger tendencies we can't help, but we have
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  certain blood that boils stronger.
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  It's the hardest 1 to get rid of.
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  It's the hardest 1 to get fine and and if you haven't,
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  naturally it's even harder to get out of the system.
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  However, working on it is in and of itself an incredible feat to
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  just you focus, you have to know.
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  Where to use your anger? Sometimes in certain situations
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  you have to show anger. Sure, you know.
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  But the the the frustration that a person can they're real
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  boiling aside, let's say, throwing things or yelling or
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  storming out. We're not talking all those
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  versions of anger, which may be out of control, but they stem
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  from the family of out of a control.
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  Anger in its essence is a lack of control.
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  Like what to do is saying them. Anger, they say.
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  Anger and humility are the two things that you don't have to be
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  in the mid. In the middle, humility should
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  be all the way. You should be 0.
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  It's exact same idea. Anger is the display of
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  arrogance in a certain sense, as we'll see, it comes oftentimes
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  on some degree of arrogance. Now, again, the big difference
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  is this is not only character. This is your blood.
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  Some people are Corning, some people are redheaded, some
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  people all the way. They are all these things.
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  I'm already getting. Real challenge, these are if you
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  want a redhead cool head exactly.
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  So that's a real challenge. Some people that blood boil can
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  be very helpful, sure, but you got how to use it and you got,
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  you know, like anything that's like a weapon, you got a gear,
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  it's order strength. A weapon can be used of power,
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  nuclear can be used for power or nuclear that can be used for
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  destruction. In a certain sense that treat,
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  so long as it's surrounded around good character can be
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  used for good, but mine is the character.
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  And on addition you have anger. Good luck.
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  It's very difficult to live with as it's a very good person to
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  live with and our job is to work out these things forever and we
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  can and beside this time we will.
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  And a real thing right about it.