Latest / Black Box Theory Podcast / BBT #13 Snippet | Spouse, Parents, or Kids — Who Actually Comes First?
Transcript
- Thomas: about... religion, think about what your parents want, think about what people want. I'm not gonna sit here and try to use the Bible as like a tool for this. But I've seen a lot of arguments, a lot of disagreement about the order of priority between your spouse, your parents, and your children. Which order are they priorities in your life? Or what you think? Obviously we can't tell other people how to live, but like for you, what do you? What were you? You were married, had kids, your parents. Malcolm: Yeah, man, that's tough. think conversations like this always get kind of taken out of context and just put on this magnifying glass to make situations like a do or die really extreme type of deal. like I said, think a lot of this kind of just underpinning people's responses to this is just how people were brought up and what type of values. Because there are some people... that would just never put their parents under anybody, no matter the circumstances. There are people who would put their parents at the bottom of the list without hesitation. There are people who could care less about their kids. Like I said, it's so many, like, routes and ways you can approach this. But me personally, man, I think that obviously this is like two of these are hypothetical because I'm not married and I do not have children yet. But like I said, in ⁓ relationships I'll just use that as my kind of like base point. think that for a situation like this, and like I said, knowing my parents and just the way that they raised me, like to even get to the point where I have my own spouse and children and family, I know the way that they raised me, would always, they themselves wouldn't want me to put my family at the top of my totem pole ⁓ just because like... That's kind of like the whole point of this, right? to, obviously when you, like your parents raise you up so you can go out and accomplish things and create your own family, create your own legacy, there's always going to be like ⁓ a responsibility and kind of like obligation I have to my parents for everything they've done for me and like the way that they raised me, the principles they've instilled in me and just kind of like giving me all the tools I needed to succeed. So that obligation, that's never going to go away. But I think when you're talking about creating your own family, it's different, Because it's like... I think ⁓ for me honestly, it's going to be ⁓ a one or two between like that. It's hard for me to say right now, because I don't have kids, I don't have that type of connection with something that I've really made and built. I'm trying to think of how I would be as a father. think that for me would be like, it's definitely one or two between my wife or my kids. And it's just like I'm thinking because your wife is a person that you choose. Thomas: a choice. Malcolm: or your spouse, let me not just say wife, anybody. Your partner is the person that you choose to do life with, right? That's the person that you choose to do life with, to go through the ups and downs and trials and tribulations with. That's your person. That's your ride or die, like through thick and thin. And that's the only person out of everyone on this list that loves you for you and not for a relation to you. Cause like I was telling you earlier, right? Like your parents love you because you're their child and your children love you because you're their parent, right? It goes both ways. Your spouse is the only person. that will love you for you, your partner. You guys pick each other. You guys are not bounded by blood, by family relations or by ties or anything like that. So for me, I think it'd have to be like spouse and the kids. Even though kids are bounded by blood, like, that's my legacy. So it's hard for me to put them under chooses. I'm like knowing, like I said, knowing my girl, I think that she also want that as well. Like to put like, you know, our children first to make sure that they, cause that's like, it's crazy to... Thomas: hopefully. Malcolm: I don't know, it's tough, right? But like I said, they're 1A, 1B for me, honestly. Like, spouse and kids are probably 1A, 1B for me. then I have my parents in that. I said, a lot of people kind of like stress over this. think everyone's situation is different. There are people who are unmarried, who would easily put their parents at top. There are people who are... I'm doing all this from hypothetical. I'm thinking like 10 years from now, married, kids, family, all of that. Still got my parents in my life, all that good stuff. That's my thing, hypothetically, like I said. And that's also because that's specific to me and my family situation. And I think like... Thomas: It is future. Malcolm: just the most reflective of me. it's also isn't like a, I hate when people do it as like a rank and order of importance because it's not importance. It's just like, when it comes down to who said and done, who's there, right? And so I feel like with parents, the whole point is to raise you up, that you can have your own experiences and have your own family. And then it becomes like, you know, so I don't like I said, I think everyone's gonna have a different answer to that. And I don't think there's any wrong answer. ⁓ Thomas: Yeah. Paris would do that. Malcolm: But like I said, I just think it's important to have that context and understand that everyone on that list, are two, like I between parents and children, they love you because of your blood ties to them. And then there's your partner who you have to pick. And I feel like that's the only person that's like, I feel like it's kind of hard to go against that, you know?