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53: Compassion & Compression w/ Nick Connor · Harder Than Life

• 0:00
  This episode is sponsored by National Technology Management. Visit trustntm.com for more information. I'm Kelly Siegel, and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business, and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living.
• 0:21
  Nicky C in the house. Nick Connor is a winner. And here on the harder than life podcast to provide the blueprint to success all the way live from Estonia. Growth never sleeps. Well, doesn't sleep much. Where exactly is Estonia, man? I thought you were messing with me until I heard you on a Shawty French's podcast. What are you doing there?
• 0:42
  Man, we're up here in the Baltic. And when I met my wife six years ago now at a conference and she told me she was from Estonia, I had to act like I knew where I was, but I had to Google it later on. But we're up here in the Baltics, man. We're right on the border of Russia, right below Finland.
• 0:59
  above Latvia, Lithuania. Obviously, people are more aware about what's happening up in this part of the world because of everything going on in Ukraine. But for the most part, everybody I meet is like, what in the world is going on up in Estonia? But most Americans like myself are here because we've met a beautiful Estonian woman. Estonia is known for having the most supermodels per capita of anywhere in the world. So, you know, a little bit of a flex for us up here.
• 1:25
  Oh, I'm on my way. I'm on the next flight. But I will tell you, if you guys don't follow Nick, follow him on Instagram. And you see how beautiful his wife is. It's just Nick Connor on Instagram. It'll be in the show notes. But yeah, I figured it had something to do with women. You know, we do crazy things for love. But what kind of conference were you at when you when you met her?
• 1:48
  So my first gig as a coach was as a sales coach for a company called Southwestern Consulting, oldest direct sales company in the U.S. They're really well known throughout the U.S. for sending kids out, college age kids to sell books door to door. Maybe some of your listeners have had kids knocking on their door selling them stuff. Well, that was the company I was with as a coach, though.
• 2:13
  in their sales consulting division. And I was on my way out. I was with them for four and a half years. I was on my way out to start my own coaching business to work with men. And at the very last conference, my wife was leaving the book field coming into the consulting division. And we met at that very last conference. So I'm glad I stuck around just long enough to have the best takeaway possible, man.
• 2:36
  Nice. If you are listening to this on Spotify or iTunes, you got to head over to YouTube and see how beautiful this man is. So I love the gray in the beard. Skin is perfect. So winning looks good on you. We're going to dig into that. You're a speaker, a coach, a founder of the Academy of Maximized Potential, AMP for short. What is your story? Why does your story matter, Nick?
• 3:01
  Well, number one, I think everybody's stories matter. We all have a story to tell. And the more comfortable you get telling it, I think the more...
• 3:10
  you're going to experience the things that you want in your life. You know, my story was one of at 27 years old, I'd achieved my dream of playing Division I and getting a taste of professional sports. And I experienced probably the biggest adversity in my life when I was told I could no longer play sports anymore at 27 years old. Didn't know what I was going to do with my life and decided after reading The Alchemist cover to cover one night that –
• 3:37
  I wanted somehow to make people feel the way I felt reading that book. And The Alchemist would become the gateway to personal development for me, both as someone who needed it, wanted it, sought it out for my own gain. But early on, I always read these books and these...
• 4:03
  these saw these videos even early on from the lens of how can I be the person delivering that message? And I don't know if you can relate to this, Kelly, because you're certainly a messenger and you know, you're clearly somebody who's, who's grabbed onto personal development. I don't know if you had that in you early on, but for me, I wanted to share that message that I was reading almost more than I wanted to apply it to my own life, which got me into some trouble, but personal development's been a part of my life now for the last 15 years. And
• 4:33
  it's pretty much everything that my life runs through. Consuming personal development, delivering personal development. My wife's a coach. I'm a coach. It's just, it's how we live, man. Do you have children? I do. We have a three-year-old daughter. Her name's Camila. And so new parents doing our thing, man. That's awesome. There's nothing like having a daughter. They just, they relax. They calm you down. The alchemist.
• 5:02
  That's not Siddharth, right? I read Siddharth and The Alchemist. I can't remember. Tell the listeners what the moral of the story is for The Alchemist. I can't remember. Well, Paolo Coelho is the author, and it's about a shepherd boy who's living what he thought was his dream. He has received an inheritance. What's that? Is his name Siddharth?
• 5:27
  I can't recall his name. I know that he was a shepherd. That's how I've always remembered the story. But he was living what was ultimately the dream at the time. He received an inheritance, some gold coins, he bought a flock, he was traveling, and he felt this call to adventure that there was something more out there for him and goes on.
• 5:45
  embarks on this journey, leaves behind what would be most people's dream at that time, left that behind to go on this epic adventure, along the way meets many mentors, and ultimately finds himself. But that was, man, when I read that, I was at a place where I had convinced myself that I was never going to live the life that I really wanted, which was a professional athlete, and all of the status, and all of the attention, and all the things, riches, that I believe were going to
• 6:15
  And so when I read that, it awoken that ability to dream again and to go on a new adventure for me. And that was a huge catalyst in my life, man, reading that book. From what I remember, I read it at a very opportune time. It was during the pandemic here in the United States. Basically, what I took away from it was...
• 6:37
  Just be. Life is, you can go searching for everything, but life is happening right here and right now. And pay attention to it and enjoy it. People say you only live once. I say we only die once. You live every day. And you have a choice of what you're going to do and how you're going to live.
• 6:54
  live that day. And so all too often we're too busy worried about what somebody else is doing. And, you know, Nick, you're more handsome than me. Instead of me just saying how beautiful you are and accepting and loving it, I'm gonna tear you down because it makes me feel better. And it's just sad. So I remember reading that book and it is Siddharth, that's the main character's name. And he goes through all these trials and tribulations only to end up back where he was and realize it was the journey.
• 7:20
  So it's a great book. It's hard read. I remember that. And I'm going to go back and read it. So we talk about loving. We always throw out loving yourself. It's thrown out all around these days. In fact, in the past, we used to call that, man, he is full of himself, cocky or arrogant. Would you provide your perspective on the difference of all this? Well, I think that the most important thing is.
• 7:50
  to me, the cocky arrogance thing came up a lot when I was growing up as an athlete. You know, I think anytime you're, anytime you're,
• 8:01
  you're talented in something and you work hard at it and you, and you have good people around you that are encouraging you to pursue something. You, you can come off cocky and arrogant and it can be completely innocent. And then there's a little bit of ignorance there too, right? You know, I grew up in Idaho, Boise, Idaho, went to high school at a, you know, a five, eight school, but I wasn't playing against guys in California or Florida or,
• 8:25
  And so when I got to college and I started competing against better athletes, I was humbled. Right. And so my behavior started to change. So I really think it's this whole conversation around like people that are called arrogant or cocky is crazy.
• 8:40
  it's really limited by their exposure. You know, who's calling you cocky. What I've found is there's no person that's more successful than you are. That's ever going to talk down to you or judge you. Ultimately at the end of the day, how do you feel about you? And, and, and self-love is an important thing. You know, self self-confidence, self-confidence,
• 9:00
  flows through our ability to love ourselves. And it starts with self-esteem. You know, like, how do you feel about you? And growing up, I grew up in a house full of women. So I had a lot of compassion growing up. I had a lot of coddling and a lot of care.
• 9:15
  And what that created was some laziness. And I took some things for granted, some natural ability, some natural talent. I didn't work hard, Kelly. And later on in life, I pursued big things, but I couldn't figure out why I wasn't succeeding.
• 9:33
  And when I wasn't succeeding, I started seeking compassion and that wasn't working for me as a grown man. And what I learned through that was that we need compression. Also, we need somebody to tell us the truth. And so part of self-love, self-worth, self-esteem, creating unconditional confidence instead of conditional confidence. I think of it that way. Um.
• 9:55
  Is to tell yourself the truth and look yourself in the mirror when you're not getting what you want and doing the work to evolve. And that ultimately is the greatest form of self-love. In the work I do, working with men, the men that are the most unhappy are the men that are the least self-aware.
• 10:17
  Well, Nick, let me cut in there. I believe that's good for men and women. I think everybody's that. It's denial. The denial is not a river in the Amazon. It is just one finger point away, three are pointing right back at you, man. It's the first freaking chapter of my book, Self-Awareness.
• 10:35
  And it's ain't nobody fricking doing anything to you, man. It's you, you doing it to you. So I agree. And that's why I had you on because every, we're going to get deep into this, but a lot of what you do is I just literally, I wake up and I embody it and it's, I don't even think about it. I'm just wondering, do you drink alcohol? Yeah, I dabble with it. And I'm, I'm at that, at that stage where I've given it up for multiple months at a time. I've, I've,
• 11:06
  I've done this several times with alcohol, with sex, even before I got married, where I've given it up to get a healthier relationship with it. And I'm in that place now where alcohol is losing its luster for me. I know you don't drink, and I hear what you're sharing around your experience with that. But I drink every now and again, but my relationship with alcohol is very, very different than it was even, say, a year ago. Now, I heard your father passed away from it, right? How old were you?
• 11:38
  That's recent. That was, it'll be eight years. It'll be eight years since his passing coming up in November. I'm sorry. He struggled with alcoholism. Eight years is, you know, my dad's been gone 24 years, and it still feels like yesterday. It's unfinished business, man. Yeah, I'd love to know what you mean. I had a curious, I had a very...
• 12:06
  fortunate experience with my father where prior to his passing, he came and lived with me for a year. He was, he always struggled with alcoholism and then he got into prescription pain medication and that led to a heroin. I don't want to say it was an addiction, but he got into heroin because it was just a cheaper alternative to these, to these pain pills, man. And so anyway, I moved him out to Charlotte, North Carolina to come live with me from Utah. And we spent a year together and,
• 12:33
  And so we had a lot of opportunity to resolve some things that I think most men don't have the opportunity to resolve with their fathers.
• 12:41
  And you just, if you're watching the video, you guys triggered me that one. I would kill to have a year with my father. He was a great man. He just was too smart. And things came too fast and too easy. And he got hooked on that heroin and just never looked back and wasted his life. And that's what happens. What happened to your father and dad?
• 13:06
  I give utmost respect and thank you for sharing because this people need to hear this. Cause my MO, my whole mantra of the heart of life is once, if you think you have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, if you're even, if it isn't even a discussion, you do. So, so,
• 13:23
  Once I eliminated it, my life got so much better. And I got to remind people, I wasn't some raging alcoholic. I didn't sit down and drink every single night. I didn't. It just was a correlation to all the problems I had in my life. Whenever there was a problem, alcohol was around. It wasn't the causation. It was the correlation. And when I just said, screw it, I'm done. Look at what's happened. My popularity has gone through the roof. Everybody's listening. We're about to launch a freaking fitness portal.
• 13:53
  Instagram is blowing up and it's all for charity. My business, my it business is going, I just, you're drinking poison and expecting other people to die and blaming everybody else. So that was my two second rant. But did I hear you say you grew up in a house full of women? Tell me there's some beautiful sisters that you got running around.
• 14:11
  Yeah, man. Two sisters, older and younger. It's been really cool, actually, to see my older sister, who I've never really had the closest relationship with. I've always been really close with my younger sister. But here in the last year, year and a half, she started to come around and ask some questions about personal development. And we got her on a training and nutrition program. And she's dropped close to 30 pounds. And she's waking up at 4 a.m. and hitting the gym. And, you know, single mom just... Does that work? Yep.
• 14:38
  Do you have kids? Do you have children? I have a daughter who's 14 years old.
• 14:46
  Okay, so you have a daughter and then, well, maybe you've experienced this with siblings or in general, you observe this, that the people that are closest to us are generally the last ones to come around when we're, you know, out here sharing a message. And, you know, they know us as my sisters know me as, you know, who I was in high school and, you know, shoot, even after after college for a few years. So it's cool to have her come around and start to.
• 15:09
  and start to get on the program and see results from it. But yeah, two beautiful sisters, man. Beautiful mom. My mom's down in Florida, close to you. She's in Naples. Yeah, you got to come visit me when you come. I know you'll be here. So do not, besides, I got to talk to you anyways. I was reading when I was doing show prep about the nutrition, and I want to understand that because this fitness, this health and wellness portal that we're developing, we're going to have separate people that,
• 15:36
  are affiliated with us that we're going to make specific for the, for the portal. So I need a nutritionist and I want to know more about your blueprint. Cause what we're going to get into right now, this head over to academy of max potential.com. It's, it's his, it's Nick's program and it's to provide the listeners the detail on your old school discipline, hard work and follow through. They've heard my, my sick and twisted habits and rituals, which is,
• 16:00
  What does amp and easy for me to say, what does an amp attendee going to hear from Nick Connor on his daily routine and recommendations? Well, you know, the, the,
• 16:15
  AMP is really about maximizing your individual potential. So what does that mean? A lot of people talk about that, which is why I named it the Academy of Maximized Potential because I'd hear that a lot from clients that would come into my space, men and women. You know, I feel like I'm not where I want to be. I feel like I should be at a different place at this season of my life. And so...
• 16:41
  I've taught a lot of things in the last 10 to 15 years to help people close that gap. Skills, sales skills, speaking skills. And what I realized is that.
• 16:52
  you can teach people a lot of tactics, but if they're not right with themselves, it's very difficult to get them to utilize those skills, to put themselves out there, to be able to progress professionally, personally, in general. So I've stripped everything away. And I just asked myself, what has worked for me in the past? And fitness and nutrition has been a cornerstone of my life, my entire life. And I took it for granted until about two years ago
• 17:20
  when I was on a trip with my wife, we were in Dubai and we were there for three or four weeks and had this incredible vacation. And I was embarrassed by the pool to take my shirt off. I'd gained 25 pounds. I put so much energy and attention into building and growing my business. And I was just, I was in a bad place, which I shouldn't have been. I was here in Dubai, we're celebrating beautiful wife, beautiful baby girl. It was incredible experience. And it was a wake up call for me that I'd let myself go, that foundational thing
• 17:47
  was so important to me and I had let it go. And so I started coaching my clients around fitness and nutrition as a core pillar of their daily process. You know, you want to be a better husband and father? Well, your wife's not listening to you or your husband's not listening to you. Are you listening to yourself? You know, are you getting up when you say you're going to get up? Are you going to the gym when you say you're going to go to the gym? Are you...
• 18:09
  doing what it is that you said you were going to do, keeping promises to yourself. And many of them, the answer was no. And so we got to work on those foundational things. And that started to really change people's experience externally. And so what I learned from that is the world is not as it is. The world is as we are. So we see the world through our own lens. And if our lens is foggy because we're breaking promises to ourselves, we're out of weight, we're overweight, we're
• 18:38
  We're overweight, out of shape. You know, we can't see the world for as it really is. So that's what we do at AMP, man. We help people commit to basic, fundamental, foundational alignment with who it is that they want to be. And the closer they walk in that, the more their external environment starts to change.
• 18:59
  Here, here, man. I'm a walking freaking talking 215 pound freaking mass of that. I agree with all that. I'm glad you're on. Where the hell did you put 25 pounds on that body? How tall are you?
• 19:12
  Six one. It just, I've always had bigger, like bigger legs. It just creeped up, man. It just creeped up. But, but the truth is, it was so subtle and gradual. This is, this is 20. Shoot, man. I don't know what. Is it right about the time you had your kid, right? 20. Yeah. I was leading up, leading up to, leading up to having baby girl. And, uh,
• 19:35
  And just gradually it just crept up, man. And the funny thing is I look back at the pictures when we were in Dubai, cause I had started to try to address it. And I actually thought I looked decent in Dubai until I saw some pictures. You know, I'd hired a photographer to film some content and you know, he was following us around for a few days. It was, you know, a great experience, but I saw the photos and I was like, holy cow. This is the first time I've seen myself with my shirt off in a while and I do not look good. So I had to kick that back in gear, man. And- What do you weigh now?
• 20:07
  I'm about 193. So I got down all the way to 178 when I cut down. Yeah, I got that. That's the lightest I've been since before college. And just got I mean, I was 7% body fat. And you know, I was caloric deficit for eight, nine months and, and, you know, really on top of every detail, but I've been reversing out, I want to get up to, you know, 195 198, and stay around, you know, nine to 10% body fat. But
• 20:33
  Feeling good, man. I love watching. Hey, man, what you doing? Your morning coffee? You know, getting in there, being ripped, just doing your thing on the boat. I love seeing it, man. And props to you for staying in such incredible shape. I appreciate that. And I receive that. I tell you, I get it.
• 20:50
  I get brutalized for that. From not only my, I used to get brutalized with my friends. Everybody realized, oh, he ain't stopping. So we're just going to join him. And the one thing about me, man, I can't explain why I do things. I just do them. And I just, I don't stop. And you asked earlier, end of the day, I've been given this gift of oration, of this body, of this vessel, and of this platform. And I'm going to use it for good.
• 21:17
  And, you know, our our reason for doing this is to donate one hundred fifty thousand dollars of charity this year. We're going to and we're ramping that up to a million dollars each year. And I'm not going to stop until we get there. So if somebody wants to knock me for standing in my frickin underwear, they're lucky I'm not naked because that's what's coming next.
• 21:35
  I'm not afraid. I'm real proud of my body. I work hard work works. You know, I'm there 5am every morning. No, no questions asked. Today I was running a little late. I went to my home gym and pounded out some shoulders. So the number one discipline, personal development discipline in my life, and I believe in your life that I just heard you say is physical fitness. What do you believe number two is?
• 21:59
  Well, it's my faith, man. And it's connectedness to, for me, it's God. And when I, in 2011, I was turning 30, moved to Charlotte. That was one of the first things that I pursued. And that's been a massive part of my journey.
• 22:18
  my journey ever since then, man. So that's a big part of the morning process for me is connecting the source every morning, creating that silent solitude and stillness, man, slowing things down, getting some separation. That's why I wake up early in the morning, earlier than my responsibility. So I have that space. Oh yeah, that's right. That's your big claim to fame. What is it? 3, 3, 4, 3, 58?
• 22:38
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. 3.58, man. 3.58 a.m. documenting the journey on social media. That was a great accountability piece. I'd always told myself, like most people, I'm not a morning person. And after that wake up call, man, I had to change some things. I had to get real honest with myself. And
• 22:56
  you know, needed that accountability. So I started sharing it on social media. It turned into a whole thing, man. I'd post, you know, I actually stopped doing it here recently, but I'd post 3.58 a.m. Then I'd grab my cup of coffee. I was basically documenting my morning routine every morning. And that was great to establish the habit and the routine. And I've since obviously been able to share that with other people and clients and just people that follow. I get pictures all the time, man. People sending me pictures waking up early. And it's pretty cool. What's the time change there? What time is it now?
• 23:26
  Seven hours. I'm seven hours ahead of you. It's creeping up on 4.30 p.m. here. So I love the faith. I used to say I was God curious, and then I just started talking to God, and things started falling in alignment. So there's a higher power. I believe in it, but I'm not going to force it on anybody. There's definitely, we're all energy.
• 23:48
  And there's something out there that is guiding that energy, whether it's source, whether it's universe, whether it's God, whether it's Jesus, whatever it is, there's something out there, and I'm going to acknowledge it. But since I've surrendered to more of God and things are starting to line up, so congratulations on that. What I believe...
• 24:05
  to be number two, and I was kind of, I didn't explain the question well, was what can somebody do besides surrender? It would, to me, it's always keeping the promises you make to yourself. You said it, but I wanted to reiterate that. Always keep your promises. And when I say I'm getting up to do something, consider it done. It's just like that. And I don't negotiate with myself. I don't negotiate with anybody, but let alone myself. So, well,
• 24:29
  Work works. Again, head over to academyofmaxpotential.com to learn more and definitely sign up for the no-cost 15-minute level-up call with Nick. This man is brilliant. He's achieving results. And I wouldn't have had him on the podcast if he was any less. There's so much more to you, Nick. And I forgot. I wanted to say this back.
• 24:52
  I was doing some show prep because I have three podcasts back to back to back. And I somehow end up on a picture when my daughter was born and I am and my baby's mama took a picture of me painting the bedroom. And I got it's the only time in my life I've been completely out of shape because she had the worst pregnancy ever throwing up vomiting. And it was my job to keep her healthy so my daughter could be born. So I didn't work out for like four or five months. And I was like, I don't know.
• 25:23
  I've never seen a blob like that. And I'm actually going to post it. I mean, I'm going to post that before and then after. Because the moment, I'm not kidding you, the moment my daughter was born and she was healthy, now she was four pounds, three ounces. That's how tough that her pregnancy was. The moment she was born, I signed up for the local close gym and went gangbusters. That's how my mind works. It is an on-off switch.
• 25:53
  quit drinking and got into this personal development it's always on and i get the you're too intense you're too you're not for me i don't care yeah i'm good and i'm great at the the the boundary stuff anymore i used to try to freaking uh convert everybody and it's none of my business what you think about me and i think that you you subscribe to that as well and so yeah let's get into some personal stuff about you what's the most important decision you've made in your life
• 26:23
  Well, the decision that I made to move my dad to come and live with me was a massive decision. I didn't realize how big of a decision that would end up being. I mean, I have a lot of peace in a very situation that a lot of people, it tanks a lot of people's lives to lose a parent to suicide or somebody that close to you to suicide. So that was a massive decision.
• 26:53
  to decide to accept Christ into my life. And then my wife, you know, making the decision to marry someone who lives in Estonia. I mean, those are three massive decisions that have, we talk about a 90 degree turn in life. Those three decisions, those three decisions really put me on that trajectory in a positive way. Thanks for sharing again. Did your father commit suicide? Mm-hmm. All right, I'm gonna take two seconds.
• 27:22
  I'm very passionate about suicide. And when people take their life, they think that there's no other option. And I'm just going to take two seconds and just say that there are many other options. You can fix anything but death. And if you're feeling less than and you're thinking that there's no other options, reach out to Nick or to me or to everybody because you matter.
• 27:41
  And there are options. And there are ways to fix this. And you are loved, you are madder, and you are here for a reason. So I'm really sorry to hear that, Nick. And thank you for sharing because that's going to make a difference in somebody's life that's listening to this.
• 27:59
  man, I love, I'm going to deviate for a second. I love that you got to spend a year with your dad. I would have, I would, there's so many questions I have for my father right now. I remember being a young man and my father would absolutely treat me like an adult. And I was young. I was way too young. I was an adult. And he would talk to me like I was an adult. And I do that to my daughter now. And there's so many things I would like to ask him, many things I'd like to say to him. And, you know, I was 24 when he died and I just,
• 28:29
  didn't know what I didn't know. I had this chip on my shoulder and I was going to go on and drink for another 15 or 20 years till I quit. And, you know, obviously he drank himself to death and basically committed suicide without doing it. And there's just so many questions I want to ask. What did you solve? Cause I'm going to live vicariously through you for the year. What did you solve that allowed you to be at peace with your father?
• 28:57
  Well, I think we all put, yeah, thank you for, yeah, man. We all put our fathers, men, men and women to a degree on the top of the totem pole. And typically no matter how they treat us growing up, we're the last ones that are going to take them down from the top of that totem pole. And for me, I idolize my dad. I, I,
• 29:26
  You know, I wanted him to be my hero. And I always pursued a relationship with him, even though he let me down, let us down, my sisters and I time and time again growing up. And so when he came to live with me, I had an opportunity to ask him why he did that and what was causing that. And ultimately, the peace came because I stopped viewing him as...
• 29:46
  my father and started to view him as a man, which at that time I was kind of coming into my own as a man and doing my best really to figure out how to do that. And so I was able to see some of my own journey.
• 30:03
  mirrored some of his journey at the time. And I thought to myself, wow, at 24 to have three kids, how would I have acted? You know, I was trying to play professional baseball. I was, you know, to have three kids at that age. I mean, I was out there running around with girls and thinking that was, so I started to think that way and started to give him a break, a bit of a break, instead of starting to blame him for some things later in my life when things were really starting to get difficult, which I think is the easy thing to do, use our parents as a scapegoat to why we're not
• 30:33
  So I was able to forgive him prior to him, you know, leaving and deciding to take his own life. So it was, you know, we laughed, man. We were staying in a 700 square foot apartment. I was trying to build my business. I was broke, but I had him in this apartment. We laughed. We watched movies. We watched ball games. We got into physical altercations because it got heated at times. But that was the one of the greatest years of my life looking back on it, you know.
• 31:03
  So, but you're right. I think ultimately...
• 31:07
  for people that get into that place where they feel like they don't have a choice, sometimes the thing that they're trying to reconcile is the body of work that they put together, especially if alcohol and drugs are part of that journey. And I think for my father, I will never know this, but I think it makes a lot of sense to me that when you look at your body of work and you're no longer sedated, you're no longer foggy because of the drugs and alcohol, you gotta really face the truth. And sometimes that truth is, it feels so heavy, like you don't have a chance to maybe...
• 31:36
  undo some wrongdoings and to, you know, to resolve some things in the past from your behavior. And so what I always tell people and encourage people to do is to understand that we're here to forgive. We want to forgive as, as your children, as your,
• 31:51
  as your brothers, as your sisters, we want to forgive you. We want to see you win and succeed. There's no amount of wrongdoing that we will not forgive if you will come to the table and be willing to say that you want forgiveness. And so I think forgiveness is such a powerful thing to offer people in the world because that's what so many people need and want.
• 32:13
  Again, thank you for sharing. I had no idea we're going to go on this path, but it's triggering the heck out of me. And if you're watching it, I'm tearing up a little bit because I just realized some of the things that you said are not true for me, and it's sad. My father wasn't my hero. And I'm just this many years old when I just realized that. And it just hit me hard. I look at him, and I've forgiven him, and I've got a lot of compassion. I'm going to come out of my mouth right now that's not going to sound compassionate. Yeah.
• 32:39
  I think he was a coward. And I think that he was smart enough to overcome what he did. But, again, everything happens the way it's supposed to be. That's, I'm so, my body is tingling right now. And I would tell you when I say that, my biggest disappointment in people that are close to me are when they give up. And when they don't try. And when they're acting like a coward.
• 33:07
  And when you're not trying and you're tearing people down,
• 33:10
  You're a fucking coward. You're acting like a coward. And I don't fucking subscribe to that shit. And notice I just swore twice, which I never swear. Because it's so passionate to my life. My dad could have made a difference in this world and he gave up. And I'll be damned if I'm going to give up. Especially if somebody tries to stop me. I'm an unstoppable force. And I'm going to partner with you and we're going to do some great things because I love you. And I just feel your energy all the way from Estonia. So...
• 33:40
  Thanks for bringing that out of me. I will tell you the reason why I asked you those questions, that was, it wasn't a trigger me, of course it was. Most people are fighting that battle with about their parents, you know, and, and a lot of people are in denial about it. Like, well, I grew up a great life. My parents did the best. They can, you know, they're all, they're all, we're getting screwed up somehow. You're going to be as great as you two coaches are. You're going to screw up your kid somehow. And,
• 34:03
  But hopefully you'll give her the tools she needs to be able to discern what's right and wrong. And that's kind of what I've hoped to do with my daughter. Now, I can tell you how I screwed up my daughter. The bar is really, really high.
• 34:15
  really high. So you can never tear me down because inside me, I'm the hardest I am on myself than anybody else. So I want, if you're drinking the poison again and expecting somebody else to die, look for no further than your parents. So if it's women, it's usually the father, men, it's usually the mother. Like my mother, she never gave me any love. So what do I do? I search for love and search for love and found out that, oh, I can provide it myself internally. I don't need it from anybody else.
• 34:44
  And then the last thing I didn't say was the progression of drinking. If today you're, you're a youngster and a lot of youngsters, my daughter's 14, 15. They, a lot of the kids listen to this and watch this. If you, if you have one drink today and then it becomes two tomorrow and 10 and five years and then 20 and it progresses. So if you think that you don't have a problem, the easiest way to not have the problems, there's not even partake. So, um,
• 35:12
  It progressed and killed my father. And then when it sounds like your father quit and then the emotions all came and he couldn't handle that. So there is no real way to deal with things except sitting in your shit. So again, thank you for sharing. Let's get into this light in the mood a little bit. How about we tell us about some hobbies and interests outside of personal development?
• 35:39
  Hey, man. Yeah. Hey, love ain't lies, brother. Just keeping it real with people. I love what you said there at the end of the day, man.
• 35:48
  nobody wants to be a coward. And, and, and, and I think it's important because I felt the same way about my father. In fact, that's, that's one of the conclusions I've arrived at is that any, anybody who's not willing to face their fears when they're in right body and mind fully capable to, to, to face their, their inadequacies to tell the truth and be honest with,
• 36:12
  when there is clarity around what needs to be addressed is a coward. And, and ultimately the happiness that we're going to achieve in our life is, I believe commensurate with our ability to look into those dark places of our lives and address it. That to me is the great adventure of life. It's there, there, that is purpose. You know, we talk about purpose and all those things, man, like
• 36:36
  people got on me the other day. I did a post about happiness. Like happiness isn't the goal for me. It's, you know, being purpose-filled. I, I appreciate happiness and I, and I, and I cherish those moments because they're, but they're, they are fleeting. They are fleeting moments. Like, you know, I, I would much rather be purpose-filled mission driven and on the, on a path and like,
• 36:57
  Thanking my high power for the adversities that come into my life, taking extreme amounts of responsibility for the challenges as much as the successes. And ultimately that's made me very fulfilled in my, my life at 41 years old. 41. You look beautiful. So what you just said is the, is the personal development mantra. Basically happiness for me is being in total alignment with the person I want to be and the person I am. And when I'm doing it, it's that space.
• 37:27
  for everybody that causes the driver to drink, the shame and all the bad emotions and feelings. And if you can bring that together and that's done with these habits and routines that we've talked about, working out, journaling, meditating, it sure in the hell doesn't close the gap with drinking and drugs and sex and stuff
• 37:49
  scrolling on social media. It makes you feel good for a minute, but it's, it's making that gap bigger. So that's the cheat code in life is bring that gap in. And that's what you'll learn at the Academy of max potential. Sorry. I had to throw it in there. I just love people that are doing well and trying to give back. And I think you're a good person doing it for the right reasons. And, you know, there's a lot of people in our space that are, that are pretenders, man. And, uh,
• 38:18
  I'll put my, my daily, I'll put my life up against anybody's and say, come on. We're about to get a filming crew and watch every single thing I do. It's like, I don't care, man. Watch. I'm a real deal. Holy field. This is, this is on. Yeah. I don't cheat. I don't lie. I don't steal. And I have that difficult conversation with people. I'm not afraid. I'm afraid of nothing, which is another question. What's your biggest fear? I've got a lot of fears, man. The, the, the,
• 38:48
  The thing that I'm addressing right now the most in my life is that the ultimate success at the end of my life is going to be that...
• 39:01
  at every peak or every milestone that I reach, I'm looking for that next peak, that next adventure, that next milestone. And what I've learned just having conquered a few of those peaks is that I've got a, there's a part of me that has to die. There's a persona that needs to die so new one can evolve. And that's created some fear in me.
• 39:20
  I'm in a place now where there's multiple areas of my life that are good, but they're not great. They're not where I want them to be. And I have to address that, that I'm not satisfied, that I'm not comfortable with some areas of my life. And doing that work to build, to grow, to kill some things off that have worked to get me to where I'm at, that creates a feeling of fear.
• 39:40
  I wake up a lot of days feeling fear. What I've learned is not to allow that to change how I behave. And so there's a lot of things that I fear, but that doesn't change how I show up. And that's a massive shift for me in the last year, year and a half, man. Let's talk about that. Fear is feedback.
• 40:00
  If I feel the slightest amount of fear, I'm running right at that. That's probably where you pick up that whole crazy. But I don't feel, I have that same feeling and I liken it to be anxiety, but it's not. It's actually gratitude. So if I feel I'm nervous about something or something's out of alignment,
• 40:21
  I dig it way down. It turns out most of the time now in my space where I've achieved in my level of healing and work that I've done on myself, it usually is I'm grateful. I'm grateful that I had anxiety this morning. I felt like anxiety. And it wasn't that. It was I was grateful that I get to come meet you. You.
• 40:40
  You know, we've crossed paths so many times. It's like, I got to sit down and talk to you. And as a matter of fact, I need to schedule time with you tomorrow to learn really deep dive more. I wish I could do two hours and I'm sure we could. But time is constrained today. And I want to learn more about the program because I want to loop you into what we're doing.
• 40:59
  Because I love the mantra. We're very similar people just on the other side of the globe. But I'm going to come visit you, I think. That sounds like a fun thing to do. Come on. One of the things, Nick, that I forget to do, this is my short sighted. I forget to put myself first. And I forget to do things for me.
• 41:19
  You know, and everybody, oh, working out. No, no, no, no. That's just my daily discipline. Something I want, I like to travel. I like to have new experiences. And then, you know, I push it, push it, push it. I'll do it next year. I'll do it. So I was meeting with this mastermind group, a business mastermind group. And they said, we want you to take four straight weeks off of work.
• 41:38
  And I'm like, huh? So I've taken two off, but I'm going to try to do three and maybe even four. So when I do that, I'm going to go travel and I'm going to come see you. Hopefully you're here, you get here to Florida. I'm actually in Michigan today, but hopefully you'll come see mom and I can see you. And, you know, Sean and Fresh is, I'm in Bloomfield Hills. So just outside of Detroit. My sister's in Grand Rapids. We're up in Grand Rapids.
• 42:06
  Oh, so she's, which one is she? Is she the single one? Younger sister. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 42:30
  But it's a cool part of the world. But putting yourself first, right? It's interesting to hear you say, because I would say that, because for me, working out, that silent solitude and stillness in the morning is something where I'm putting myself first. So it's interesting to hear that for you, you don't view that as putting yourself first. You know, travel is more the thing that would be more for you. That's interesting. I appreciate it. Well, several people that are close to me pointed that out. You're doing that,
• 42:59
  for harder than life for charity, for everything else. I it's, it's just self care for me. Um, and it's just taken, I take it for granted. It's that's, that's where the bar stop starts. It's you gotta be this tall to ride the ride. So that's why I irritate a lot of people's demons because my daily where I start most people, that's their ceiling. That's just where I'm starting. And I'm not trying to be arrogant or cocky. Just, just, but you gotta remember, I grew up so, um,
• 43:26
  so oppressed and so neglected that what I do today is simply survival for me. It's that little boy surviving. And now it's allowing me to thrive. So all these things I did to just bake it through life, you know, in my abusive childhood are just –
• 43:47
  standards for me now. So I, and I never noticed it till several people said, what do you do for just you? I read no, you're doing that to advance your knowledge. So you can sound intelligent on your podcast. What do you do for you? And I go to Florida and I go on my boat and that and I ride my Harley's and that's about it.
• 44:06
  Because honestly, when I'm in the gym, I'm listening to a podcast where I'm doing something to advance my mind as well as my body. So I'm always in hyper-learn-advance mode. And this mastermind I'm in is like, you need to take more time to just unwind and be you because then you're going to allow space for things to catch up to you and have enlightenment. So that's a big thing. So having said that, define success for me.
• 44:36
  How do you define happiness? Tell me what success is in the Nick Conner household. I got a message the other day from a guy who wasn't a lead, wasn't a prospect. He said he polled his audience on Instagram that he was looking for husbands and fathers that were great examples of being great husbands and fathers. And he said, your name came up. So he sent me a message. That's success. Yeah.
• 45:03
  Success used to be achieving some financial number or hitting some milestone in sports or something like that, or getting a client and even getting a client a result. Yeah.
• 45:22
  What I've learned, man, is like, even with clients, I can't tell you how many times I've gotten a client result and then and then they'll just disappear. They'll they'll they'll go away and they won't ever say anything. You know, they give me testimonials that change their life and then they're gone. It's like, well, if I'm going to measure my success based on these things, I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to struggle. So for me, man, it's it's waking up every day and being willing to face. Yeah.
• 45:44
  whatever it is that I'm feeling and be able to stay in alignment. I call it conscious congruence, stay in alignment with that man that I'm trying to build, build the man that I admire in every way and show up and be a gift to the world, being able to transcend myself and, and, and positively contribute. And that starts at home, obviously, but a lot of, a lot of guys will say like, Oh, it's all about my family. I'm not going to say that. Um,
• 46:09
  you know, that's certainly an important part of my life. But ultimately my life's mission is to close this gap between who I know I'm capable of being and being willing to do the work to get there. Conscious congruence. Wrote that down. Love that. Stealing that. Here's one for you. And I just learned this this week. I know this is why I love doing what I'm doing. Success for me is inner peace. If I'm in alignment and I'm confident,
• 46:38
  Yeah. Conscience congruence. That's literally, that is success to me. Because if I am at peace inside, good things are going to happen for everybody, man. I tell my daughter all the time, if I am the number one priority, my mind is the number one priority.
• 46:53
  Because if my mind is right and I'm above ground, she's going to be all right. My whole national technology management staff is going to be all right. And now the audience of the Heart of Life is growing. The world's going to be all right because I'm going to inspire and model. These ain't jokes, man. I'm coming. I'm coming hard. Yeah, you're here, man. I mean, I've been watching what you're doing, and I see the little shifts that you're making, and I love it. And I've been a fan. I think we originally got connected through...
• 47:20
  through Craig Siegel and, you know, watching him do his thing and the ripple effect has been inspiring. And then seeing, you know, Sean, you mentioned Sean earlier, made contact with him. So it's great to be in touch with you, man. And you're, and you're right. Like there's, it's, it's,
• 47:35
  What I'm hearing from you, because there's people listening that are like, okay, how do I put myself first? For you, it's travel. Nick's saying it's about working out, silence, solitude, and stillness. Ultimately, I think the best gift we can give ourselves is to take care of that mind, get out of our own way so we can transcend ourselves and contribute positively at home, at work. And then if you want to do the social media thing and all of that, like we're doing, you could extend it into that. But
• 48:01
  You know, you can't you cannot be something for others that you can't already be for yourself. You know, you can't give to others what you aren't able to create and provide for yourself. And that's why this idea of of taking care of you as the number one priority is so important in. In. In. In.
• 48:19
  everything is going to flow through that from my experience. So I hear a lot of things that you're doing, man. And I'm like, he's putting himself first from, from my perspective. I don't know if you have inner peace, but I'm like, man, he's doing some great stuff to take care of him. Be a vessel. I do.
• 48:35
  But once you put a goal in front of me, I am maniacal until I freaking achieve it. So everything harder than life is just to donate to charity. And until we write that check, which I will put on social media, it is go time. Don't stand on the tracks when the train's coming through and I'm the train. I love everything you just said. And I tell you, the people we surround ourselves are very important. I had Shawnee French at my house talking and his latest...
• 49:02
  Level up this, I think, came as a conversation with me. I think. I'd like to say I had something to it, and I kind of had a real tough talk with him on my Lanai in Florida. I said, this is what I want you to do. And all of a sudden, he started doing it. I'm like, man, I love that kid. And Craig Siegel connected us all. He and I talk every day, and we're brothers from another mother. So it is who you surround yourself with, and then it's how you don't numb yourself out. It's people that are giving up and they're acting as cowards.
• 49:32
  sexing and and just not facing life and i gotta tell you when you do the things that nick says and i say how good can you handle life as the as the question because my life keeps getting better and it's it's amazing so what's the one thing you want the audience to leave with about nick connor
• 49:57
  Wow. About me. You normally get a question about them. It's something they can take away. Yeah, man, because you're all the way in Estonia. They don't know who you are.
• 50:08
  Look, we're doing some great things in the world of men. I think that there's a conversation around men right now that there's a lack of good men in the world, and I don't buy it. I think that there's just a lot of guys that aren't in the right rooms with the right people. You just touched on the importance of that. And so my work right now is to create a community of high-level guys that can
• 50:33
  go out and recruit and bring into an environment, uh, a group of men that are looking to get real and be honest and not just look for compassion, but also accept compression and are willing to be held accountable and are willing to, to do the work, man, to do the hard work and face the hard truths so that they can go out into the world and do, do bigger and better things. So that's ultimately what we're up to, man. That's, that's, uh, that's the number one priority right now for me. Um,
• 51:00
  I've worked with men and women in the past, but I really feel called to work with men right now.
• 51:04
  Do me a favor and send me an email when we get off this. Set me, if you can do this, set time for us to do a Teams meeting or Zoom meeting tomorrow because I want to loop you into what I'm working on because you're beautiful and people need to listen to you. And where we're taking this, I want to bring you with it and then you're going to help us tremendously meet those goals. So how could, that's how you're going to support me. So it's all about me, but what can I do to personally support you?
• 51:35
  Well, I always love getting on a call where we can just chop it up. We're moving to Florida. My business is set up in Florida, so we're planning on being there. So you and I will definitely have a chance to meet. Where in Florida, Naples? No, we won't go there. A little slow for me. We want to be closer to Miami. There's a lot going on there in terms of events and conferences. So we're looking for Fort Lauderdale area. When is that going to be?
• 51:58
  We don't have a for sure date. You know, we got baby girl in a little pre-K program, but definitely this winter. It gets cold and dark here, brother. I can't wait to get out here in the coming months. So we'll be down there soon. It makes me excited, man. Everything happens for a reason. And I got a lot of stuff going on in Miami. And it's funny. You know, I don't know.
• 52:16
  What we didn't talk about is being vulnerable, number one. Number two is making really good choices. So I had a choice to build a house on the east coast of Florida in Fort Lauderdale or West Palm or Boca or the west coast. And I chose the west coast because it met my goals. I want to have a family. I want to be sleepy. I want to be calm. I want to be recharged.
• 52:40
  And I could very easily be in Miami and rip it up and, and, and have a bunch of women and have a bunch of parties and be boating and be in the middle of the scene. And, and that's, that's, that still makes me excited when I chose the other side. And I tell you, I'll show you some fun over there. That's not sleepy. I make, I'll be hanging out with the burn cigar right by your mom's place and party at the one o'clock comes, I turn into a cocoon and I leave. So yeah,
• 53:04
  I'm a cigar guy. So myself. I know. I saw it, man. I'm a freaking. It's my only vice. That and self-love. But having said that, please, if you can't do tomorrow, send me something for Sunday. Let's just get something on the calendar within the next week because I'm doing. I'm signing some deals that I want to bring you a part in. And if you can see if you want to be a part of it, I think you will.
• 53:24
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll email. Do I email your assistant back? Yeah, she'll take care of it. Just, we'll get it on the calendar. She knows that I want it. Just say, Kelly wants to meet with me about this, and it's time. So I have to wrap this up. Please rate and share the podcast. Also, I do my best to respond to all the comments on all social platforms. So if you want to see more of something or less of something, leave a comment.
• 53:44
  Each and every episode is sponsored by National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life. Nick, thank you. Thanks for having me, man. Thank you for listening. Please rate and subscribe to Harder Than Life, and let's take this to the next level. Get connected at the links below.