Latest / After Maghrib 🌙 / Haram Relationships & Red Flags 🚩

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Haram Relationships & Red Flags 🚩 · After Maghrib 🌙

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Bismillah ar-rahman ar-rahim salam alaikum warahmatullah,
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welcome back to the aftermarket podcast wherever you are in the
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world. Thank you for tuning in and
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today, but the sisters. We've got another exciting
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episode, but before we go any further, please smash that like
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nearly there the plus 900 now. But we need you to help us get
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down in Charlotte. Hopefully.
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And I don't have to be able to have planned this, but maybe we
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could do a giveaway. We do things that I think we
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can. Sounds exciting.
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Yeah, it's not want to come by the house tonight.
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Hey there, I'm the law. How you doing?
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All right. It's all good, bro.
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Where have you been long days? I've been juicy news.
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Well, nothing juicy have just been abroad.
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I don't know. That's a, had a nice break where
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we was in Antalya Turkey, okay, okay.
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Left. The kids at home, flew out with
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the missus, really? No, I left the kids at my
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brother's house with I'm going to say like, yeah, no, can you
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fit one on a few? Nice, holiday hamdulillah.
1:04
And now we're back to reality in the law.
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Will you safe? There's some bad news, of
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course, from Turkey. I've lost two days where you
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will save hamda lillah. Al hamd alarm and I was all the
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way in Antalya. Yeah, and there was an explosion
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in Istanbul taksim Square, I believe.
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Yeah, besides far away from them, I'm de La Creme de La
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Creme de la, but those are the more exciting.
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Yeah, you know, we were chilling, and then all of a
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sudden, everyone's phone starts buzzing it.
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Like writing, bang bang. It's like, you know, your normal
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a luncheon. So I was like looking at their
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phones and you hear sirens, what's going on.
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It says there's an earthquake braced, a cover, something like
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that. My God, and then no one Reds,
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you know, at home as the brain read, before the actual eyes.
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All we saw was earthquake take cover but in fact is that this
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is a drill some oh my God! The Bible!
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Everyone panics a little really I'm not gonna lie.
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The first, the first thing I thought about was the kids miss
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Honda was a girl The law had that happens a lot in turkey and
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turkey. They are.
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In fact, I heard they're awaiting an earthquake almost.
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So they've had like small small Tremors.
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That's what they're called of the last few years here and
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there. Yeah.
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And they say that's like a build up to something big.
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Hopefully it doesn't happen. Yeah.
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Yeah, best turkey. Some preparing yourself for such
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an event trying to get the citizens prepared.
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Sharla inshaallah. Yeah, yeah.
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Okay. So today said well, of course
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there's I think one of Of the most important topics to talk
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about and that is Haram relationships here.
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What is it? How does it work?
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Is it the relationships that we have in our mind when we think
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about what is a hard-on relationship or was it something
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more than that? And also like if someone's in a
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relationship like that, presumably, they're not married.
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Why are they in it? Are they looking for a spouse?
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Is it just a fling? Show me?
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Where do we begin with with something like this?
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Yeah, I think it's going to be an interesting conversation,
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we're going to have because at the end of the day we are
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humans. And as humans We crave a Having
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conversations with the opposite sex.
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Yeah, we are attracted to the opposite gender and we want to
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feel some sort of emotional involvement, for example with
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someone that can give us Comfort or something, such a good thing.
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But then there is the Halal and there's Adam, where is the line?
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You know, where where does the same Common Place?
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How can I keep it legit Halal without breaking any Islamic
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laws? Where's the line?
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I need, you know, what the search?
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You know what? I think you've just hit the nail
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on the head like it's easy to go in and start a podcast and say,
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Yeah. How long relationship is XY and
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z and I think before we even get to that conversation, we have to
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think we'll why does someone engage in something like that,
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in the first place? Well, forget her arm
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relationship. Even take a Halal relationship.
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Why is a Halal relationship? Something a human innately?
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Craves, you know, last month Allah says in the Quran and
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paraphrasing, but, you know, adorned each other like a cover
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of clothing, you know, we talked about marriage.
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Allah, says to us like a marriage is like a cover
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protection. What does it mean?
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Doesn't mean like just a Cool. Cover.
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You know, you're protecting your wife is none, how she's
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presenting herself and she's protecting you but also like
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emotionally metaphorically and spiritually as well.
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So when someone's speaking to someone else, there's a craving
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for something you crave that attention closer to human touch
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connection. Yeah, it's like you want it, you
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want someone to ask you how your day was, you know I mean you
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want someone to make you feel like the most important guy in
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the room or the world. Do you know what I mean?
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And as a girl you might crave a male's attention you might crave
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someone to lust after you and it's Completely natural to be
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honest. But of course, we know it's Lahm
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tells us that there are prohibitions in place.
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Yeah. Where these things are allowed
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your without Lost after someone who's the opposite gender, and
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you are allowed to talk to someone and make them feel
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important, but it has to be within the parameters which are
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Halal and those her arm parameters.
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All those Haram like outside of the boundaries of what
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constituted and all right, is where the danger zone is.
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Yeah. And I had on relationship can
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lead us and spiral us into basically a pit which you can
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have a Well, I truly believe that because once you get too
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deep into it, and you commit, too much wrong, it becomes very
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difficult. You can get out of it.
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I think it becomes dangerous. When you fall in love.
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You are the girl. Can you fall in love before you
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get married? I think you can.
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Okay, let's say it's too hard on them to fall in love, right?
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As I think how you control your desire or the way you speak with
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the opposite gender, to make sure it goes towards the right
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way. And for example, you might love
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someone you actually, maybe you don't love someone you just like
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them and you think is Love is like you're confused yourself,
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but once you are deep, you know, let's say you having a
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conversation with them, talking with them daily, it's going to
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build some connection. You don't fall in love.
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Once you fall in love. How you gonna go?
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You know, it's interesting. I think anyone who's married at
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home in sha. Allah will know and it shall
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everyone's marriage is growing and healthy and even if you've
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not married or you've even had a divorce recently, it's
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completely normal but the the ideal concept of marriage in
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Islam, is love, okay. It's a three-way love
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relationship between Husband and wife and Allah subhanaw.
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Taala and love is the boundary is that is the what you call it
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the the bridge between these three entities in a relationship
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before marriage. One might say that they are
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infatuated with someone else. I think of course we believe
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this is Muslims but marriage creates love.
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You know what I mean? Yeah.
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And before marriage you might be infatuated with someone you
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admire, you adore how they look? You think they're beautiful.
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You adore? How they talk to you?
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There are Clark how They speak how they dress you might be
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infatuated with them. But in my humble opinion, you
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cannot truly love someone until you're with them for you.
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Spent time with them? Yeah.
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And it's a relationship which has been blessed by Allah.
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I think that is a fact because, you know, nowadays A lot of
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people fall in love online. Yeah.
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So they've never actually met the person that never spent,
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they don't know, their family, they know anything.
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All they know is, for example, someone's Twitter handle or
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someone's Instagram handle. Yeah.
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Followed you initiated the conversation you're talking for
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days hours months. Yeah.
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And I are in love Then you get married.
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There's no connection at all. And you're limited to what you
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know about them because they're you'll understanding what they
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choose to put out about themselves online.
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You only see the got, you only see the girl?
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See, the are you see you see the fake as well?
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Like you know someone has posted in there 25 years of living.
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For example, they might post a 6 Instagram posts, do you know
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what I mean? Each post took 100 photos till
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they got the right take and then they've spent two days editing
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that picture and then they put out.
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Do you know what I mean? If one knows how do you capture,
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nice, how do you caption? Only God can judge me.
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It's all the stuff, all that kind of stuff, you know what I
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mean? But the point being is that what
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we know of someone online is deceptive because you can never
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know. Someone, of course, until you're
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in deep relationship. And look, we talked about how
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Tom relationship Haram relationships, not just a
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boyfriend, a girlfriend thing, okay, it's online as well.
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So you might just catch on friendships house, warships,
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much speech acts on. Like I have a lot of friends and
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I think a lot of a lot of Our Generation has fallen into this
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trap boys and girls where you are on Instagram or Twitter.
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Whatever it is and you might just follow a sister and you
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followed her for like seven or eight years even sometimes and
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you don't talk to her but you sometimes engage on Twitter you
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apply to a tweet or sometimes you reply to a story on
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Instagram with your plan but there's no, like, it's not going
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anywhere. Yeah, but what it is, is
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unnecessary, pointless interaction.
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She saw what I mean, and it makes yourself very accustomed
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and very comfortable talking to the opposite gender when you
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shouldn't be. Do you see what I mean?
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So, I'll point when then you should be in a Halal
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relationship, your then comfortable to talk to a girl
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who's not your wife. Do you see what I mean?
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And I'm targeting the brothers and of course, we can only talk
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for men's experiences but you guys need to calm down and you
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know, all of us who are who are, you know, not married and that's
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all we need to guard ourselves because a lot of a lot of the
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time we met, we may fall into a trap where we think it's okay to
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talk to someone of the opposite gender, you know, I mean,
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mmm-hmm, like remember we did a podcast few weeks ago, a few
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months ago now actually Digital cafes.
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There's two little her job. Just do her job and she's happy.
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She's like a, I think it works well with the conversation
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weapon now, because, you know, nowadays, you have brothers
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messaging, sisters, telling them.
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Hey, that's, let's get to know each other for the purpose of
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marriage. Let's go to the shisha Cafe.
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Yeah, let's smoke some shisha as get to know one another and
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inshallah. We have the intention of
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marriage that's manipulating this person and if you really
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want the sister, have the intention to marry her court
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appearance. Oscar Elders.
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Say, Hey, I want to get to know o.
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In fact, I'll see you all moment that to approach the family
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because, you know, that's like a red flag.
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If he is taking you out on a date to a shisha Cafe, from the
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very GetGo, although know there's a lot to kind of dissect
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this conversation. Okay, so if you are guy looking
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to get married, you are looking to get married for less than one
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and three reasons. Okay, I the one you've got peer
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pressure. So your friends are getting
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married one friend married at 18, 1 at 21 or 22. 1924 your
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2829, you still don't know, where do we still not married or
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Secondly, you're frustrated and you want to fulfill your needs
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and you feel like getting married will help you fulfill
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those desires or perhaps thirdly, you want to get married
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because you want to complete your Dean half, your Dean ween.
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Of course, only performance says to get married is to complete.
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Half your dean and the other half of your Dean is for your
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relationship with Allah and to develop your relationship with
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Allah. Why is that the case?
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Because we have to remember guys that getting married buying you
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know I have I have a friend Mel a blessing.
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I remember when you got married shook his hand the car and he
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said to me now. Little faith, bro.
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It doesn't work like that. Yeah.
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You know, you think about it? Like, why does it complete High
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fate is because marriage teaches, you lessons teaches you
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patience, gratitude dignity. A job, like all of these
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Concepts, which you learn about our key concepts, are taught to
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you in marriage. So then it understand, you
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understand your faith platter, and the remaining half of the
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faith, is the maybe the things you don't learn in marriage.
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She saw what I mean. So, all in all I think it's
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important for a guy. If you are talking to a girl
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have an understanding So firstly what effect it's going to have
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on the go? I think we should talk about
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that. Secondly, why you're talking to
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the goat? Are you just bored?
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Are you just like roasting? We say it like in London's
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language you're just dying to get to chat to a girl because
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you want to, you want their company whether it's physical or
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emotional or anything like that. It's important for us to
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understand that first before we then understand like what
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constitutes our had on relationship.
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So you know the point is your mission are so important.
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But I think that for someone who's more mature Okay, let's
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say I'm 16. 17 18 I don't think you're still mature enough all
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you know is just speaking to the opposite gender.
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Yeah. And you don't know what you're
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doing is hot on because you don't you don't think it's hard
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on you know psychologically when you when you want that attention
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or when you want to have that conversation with the opposite
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sex as a human being, you forget how nominal exists for you.
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How to arm is probably only getting physical with them.
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But for you is very normal to talk and nowadays, guys, know
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how to talk to girls. Yeah, and I think a lot of girls
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fall into this dangerous. Our weather brother promises
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promises them, false marriage? Yes.
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Or it's also for example, you know, let's get to know each
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other a few years. Let me settle down, let me get
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let me secure a job. You know let me get a house in
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place. Your sweet talks the cochlea the
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sister and she falls for it. Yeah.
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And then that damages on the future.
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Yeah. And not just not yet emotionally
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as well big time and also Sky say stuff like I love you.
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Why you saying? I love you to a girl you're not
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sulfate more even not engaged to at least get married engaged or
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why you saying I love you. Was 18 year old or a 25 year old
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or whatever, he's not married or you're not in a relationship
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with. It doesn't make sense.
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Like, why you saying to a girl? You mean, the world to me, the
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things like that. Do you know what I mean?
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A lot of guys will go one step further to make sure that this
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girl won't forget me. I wish husbands would say that
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to their wife during my own esteem because once you've got
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the gold sometimes you take it for granted and it's hot as a
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husband. We have to remember that there's
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a responsibility on us to consistently.
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Make your wife feel like you are the most important guy.
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You're the most Attractive guy for her.
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She's picked the right guy. 10, 15, 20, 30 years, until
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marriage. You don't have a regretting that
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decision she made when she was young and the mid decision you
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made. So, it's important as a guy.
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When you're young to realize that you're speaking to a girl
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who one day will be someone's wife, whether she's your wife or
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someone else's, how you gonna talk to another girl like that?
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If your friend married that girl and you knew in the back of your
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mind, I said something to her when I was young, well, when she
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was young, you'll feel terrible. You'll think I spoke to this guy
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said, some things I should have said to forget, even had on
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things like The sense of like meeting up and all that good
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stuff. You may have just played with
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our feelings. That is completely wrong, and
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imagine it's a cliche thing. But imagine something about your
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sister, you know, I think as a guy if you put that on your
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mind, you know. So you know, we are programmed
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as human beings by a lot Handler this blessing of real.
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Yeah, you know, the moment, for example, I think you would ever
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fall into that situation, you should say, for example, if you
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have a sister say with that, like someone speaking like that
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to my sister, well, the like someone speaking like that to
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me, - for example, and you should always have that full
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before even speak until even if you speak to the other side,
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okay. What's the point of saying, hi?
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I'm by doesn't. There's no reason for it.
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Hey, why are you initiating a conversation?
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I have no weapon. And why there's no just a
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Brothers. There are sisters who actually
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also from the other side, do this, but I think the victims
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mainly all the sisters. Yeah, to be honest, we have to
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be fair. There are sisters will do them.
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Those sisters, who will play innocent, I will talk to the
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five guys at once. Talking, just talking.
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Sounds like the restaurant Five Guys.
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Yes. Yeah.
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And, you know, and, and they will make the guy think.
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Wow. This girl, martial law is
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innocent, she's just she's very polite.
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She's but she may be casually casually replying to guys, and
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that's not right. And the same goes for guy doing
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that to a girl or multiple girls.
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It's not right and under any circumstances, I can't be.
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All right. Okay.
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Let's move on. What are red flags.
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Let's say someone at home to listening.
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They are thinking they are getting to the age where they
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are. All they are at the age where
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they want to start. Talking to someone of a marriage
15:00
or they want to look for some of our marriage.
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What are red flags that come to your mind, you know, red flags.
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Everyone has different colored Flags nowadays, people have
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rainbows. Yeah, that's I think a red flag
15:11
for, for a brother. I'm going to give a brother,
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some advice, you know, if you find a girl and you think she is
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the one, there are some Flags, I think one of them is, for
15:22
example, is she talking to all the boys?
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Hmm, is she, you know, showing more than she should be online
15:28
on? Profile, for example, things
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like that, for example, Oscar this question, do you have any
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guy friends? She has any guy, friends, Run,
15:36
100 miles away. That's the first thing you
15:38
should do honestly because nowadays, you know,
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surprisingly, because I mentioned this now there I know
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guys who are married, who our friends are girls, who are
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friends, who are girls makes no sense and lots of work.
15:53
I really don't understand. It doesn't.
15:54
It doesn't make sense. It really hurts the girl in the
15:56
relationship by the way. And she can't do Thing about
15:59
biologically psychologically, speaking you and emotionally and
16:03
emotionally. You cannot destroy her.
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You cannot be in a relationship and have friends who are girls
16:07
or the opposite gender. It doesn't make sense and if you
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in that position and you now, you know, basically it doesn't
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work and another red flag. I would say, for example, how
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shown her Dean? Yeah, I'm not going to say,
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okay, let's come Jaja already know.
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Let's see what she wants from the marriage, does she want a
16:23
wedding? Or does she want to get closer
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to Allah? There's a huge difference.
16:27
Some people want honeymoons and ceramic.
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Yeah. The only fairy tales.
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Yeah, but they don't want to live to tell the tale.
16:33
That makes sense. I like Danny.
16:35
You can you just need to see the mindset?
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Is she ready to settle down? She's someone who wants to raise
16:40
a family, for example, but that's a very good point because
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many people don't all they think about.
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As for example, this guy is going to give me this wedding
16:49
and that's it, they don't think beyond that.
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So, as soon as the wedding they happens the wedding is over the
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next day. She don't know what she's doing
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and he's like that I married the right person that's because You
16:59
know, everything was saying is opinion but I think was very
17:02
important. Something you mentioned about,
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well, that's why. I said everyone has different
17:05
flags but yeah, that's true. I mean one thing which you said
17:08
which is very important and I really like that question or
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that that concept is the concept of understanding what she wants
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to be when she's older yeah. Now in modern day, feminism
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people are taught that equality between a between a man and a
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wife means that they should have an achieve and attain the same
17:26
things at any stage in life. Islam teaches about Equity means
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equal treatment, but different responsibilities.
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Yeah. Now, however you view this topic
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because we do want to get into this, and we're two men talking
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about, you know, this this conversation but a sister
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islamically is given the blessing.
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And the Barakat, becoming a mother of raising, a family of
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building a community in her home, as a young brother.
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If you're speaking to a sister, is she going to put everything
17:55
into that? Maybe right now she doesn't have
17:57
that mentality and Inshallah in the future, she does and the
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same thing if you are a brother, are you willing to be a father
18:03
and to raise your family with all of your strength and your
18:06
might and your protection? Because that's our
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responsibility as men and as fathers.
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And those husbands we have to put our life on the line to
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protect and to raise our family or the love of Allah.
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Subhan Allah, Allah basically Muslim.
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And that's an important thing. We a lesson we have to learn
18:22
another thing. I want to say, say it is you
18:24
mentioned Dean? Yeah.
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Again a very, very very, very Post a question.
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I think that's the most important one in the red flag.
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How does one judge from an online relationship?
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Can one generally judge, I think online, because, as we said
18:38
earlier, people only show you the good side.
18:40
Yeah. So you can have a nice photo for
18:42
the nice Hadith Imam. Ali said, open, quote, close
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quote and that's it, but then you get to know the person.
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They have no relationship with your money.
18:50
Mmm. We have no relationship with
18:52
Allah. They have no relationship with
18:53
Sinai that's all. Well, they have no intention of
18:55
ever going to college or morality.
18:57
Have no intention of a concierge.
18:58
Notation go to the mosque known. No intention of even for
19:01
example, giving their kids rightful Islamic names.
19:04
Yeah, nowadays. Yeah, people want Adams and
19:07
Jacobs rather than highly unpleasant things like that?
19:10
No, that's wrong. Everyone can choose.
19:11
Don't think best you can tell from there from the very
19:14
beginning. Yeah, yeah.
19:16
I think Dean wise did why you know what cause you don't want
19:19
to get into a marriage where you're on one level.
19:22
Yes and she's on and vice versa as well.
19:24
By the way. Yes.
19:25
Same thing applies to the guy. Yeah. 100%.
19:27
That's my point is because You both want to go on that speech
19:30
rain. You know, she can be the fuel.
19:32
You could be The Driver sultry. If one of you are no, no not
19:36
that one point. Even if you start the same
19:38
level, you may grow in different spaces.
19:41
So it's important to have an understanding spiritually before
19:43
you get anywhere. It's hard because, you know,
19:44
when you're not married or engaged, you're not physically
19:48
invisibly seeing them all the time.
19:49
So for example, you don't know how they are with Salah, how
19:52
they are with their, with their parents, things like that.
19:55
But what you can tell from speaking stages, our class Mark,
19:59
how did they speak to you? How do they, how do they use
20:03
language to communicate to this? Where because swearing for me
20:08
put on a personal level is a red flag like I think swearing is a
20:11
big deal. No you're right.
20:12
That's all Allah said you know if you want to marry someone
20:15
asked about their religion and their clock.
20:17
The man I sent you. You were the only two categories
20:19
better a sense and it's very important.
20:22
It's very important that this is taken into account because a
20:25
sister or a brother who, who is very nice.
20:29
They love you. They are very polite and
20:30
everything, but online, for example, they're tweeting,
20:32
generally, and you see their tweets and they're tweeting
20:35
about how is this guy on the bus, it next mini stinks, for
20:38
example, stuff like that. It's tough to type on this, on
20:41
the level. I'm gonna do you think?
20:42
I'm joking not have made up example, but this is the kind of
20:47
style of speaking that some of the boys and girls have in our
20:52
communities, you know, that to me tells a lot about their clock
20:55
thus like okay. Find the guy's not going to read
20:56
your Tweet. You Dimensions name, okay?
20:58
Fine, no problem. But the fact that you are
21:00
comfortable with Public public, humiliation of the anonymous
21:03
person, says a lot about, you know, I mean, it's not a nice
21:08
thing to do. How do they talk about their
21:10
brothers and sisters? How do they talk about their dad
21:12
and your mom? How do they talk about their
21:14
relationship with their Center? Let's say someone doesn't like
21:17
their Community, a lot of people don't know their own
21:18
communities. They some people might start
21:20
swearing and say, no, it's dead and it's dry.
21:23
And all of that kind of language, which is not.
21:26
Okay, in my opinion because you may, you may not like, But you
21:29
may say in a different way, you may say, you know what I've been
21:32
going there. My whole life by wish that they
21:33
make a few improvements, it tells you a lot about the way
21:35
they think. And the way their mind works, it
21:37
goes a long way towards in the goes for the younger brothers as
21:39
well. It does.
21:40
And I think there's also a plays with friendships as well as much
21:44
as we're talking about relationships.
21:46
Yeah, there is this conversation about friendships, where people
21:48
say, oh only friends, I have a guy friend or have a, you know,
21:52
a friend that's a girl and I think it's normal.
21:56
Yeah, you know what you had for breakfast today?
21:58
Oh, you know what you doing over the weekend?
22:00
That should we go to the cinema? God knows like why we.
22:03
You will even have a friend from the opposite gender without some
22:05
intention that I internship. That's where there is something
22:08
behind it and you must study in. It's impossible.
22:10
Yeah as a human being to say we'll only is going to be a
22:13
chance to that for that to be zero percent attraction it does
22:17
not work. You might be five percent track
22:19
to them you know. And but you may not admit it
22:21
because it's so many school, it doesn't work, you know, I'm
22:24
sorry to say, all right, let's move on.
22:26
We have to be realignment you know we live in the west and
22:28
there is Way is impossible when I'm going to interact with the
22:31
opposite gender. Yeah, you can interrupt work
22:34
school relatives for cousins. You're surrounded by the, you
22:40
are. I mean, I mean, just to give an
22:43
example with me on a day to day basis, I speak to the same
22:46
female clients. For example, the same female
22:49
colleagues, all the same female, you know, people who work in
22:53
companies that I do business with, for example, you know.
22:55
Now I can, you know, over a period of years you You become
22:59
acquainted with them. So you know how's your the one
23:02
day they may say? Like I'll be able to I had a
23:04
client I got new client recently client is like a middle-aged
23:08
lady should all my son passed his driving test.
23:10
Okay fine. What happens is when business
23:12
you learn things about people over periods every day you pick
23:16
up things, you know about them, their family, their wife, their
23:19
pets, whatever it is. So with that information there's
23:22
a professional relationship is a different said you can use that
23:25
information to be personal with the professional.
23:28
That's not, that's up. You.
23:29
So, you know, that's a very important thing and that goes
23:32
the same for for married couples as well.
23:34
You cannot and I reserve size, you cannot have a friendly, you
23:39
can be friendly but you cannot be you can't have a friend who's
23:42
the opposite gender and treat them the same way you treat your
23:45
friends of the same gender social work.
23:47
Just don't compliment them. Yes, number one and don't flirt
23:50
with them. Don't flirt with them.
23:51
These are don't go out for friend.
23:52
He's a two ingredients for disaster.
23:55
Oh yeah, especially if you're married.
23:56
Yeah, 100%. And yeah.
23:59
I would even think don't even even if someone is flirting with
24:04
you, or they are having a conversation with, you don't get
24:07
them the opportunity or space. Yes, sir.
24:09
You know of any, if someone was to say, you know what, you
24:13
smashed it, you know, you did amazing.
24:15
I'm very proud of them. Happy say, alhamdulillah.
24:17
Thank you. Yeah.
24:18
That's it was a brother. Thank you, brother.
24:19
That's it. There's no reason to say hi.
24:22
Thank you so much. How are you?
24:23
Then you would respond in a way where it requires a response
24:27
back for. Makes sense.
24:29
If you said, thank you very much.
24:30
We'll be working very hard for this moment.
24:32
That's why I can tell you did a really good job and then it just
24:34
continues. Yeah.
24:36
So how you respond to that first?
24:38
Initial conversation? Yeah.
24:40
Is he ever gonna trigger back? A response was going to show
24:43
them. This is my line.
24:45
Thank you very much. Yeah, your respect and it shows
24:47
how respectfully well I respect to so important.
24:50
I want to ask you moving on for those at home who are looking to
24:54
get married. Yeah.
24:56
What are things? You'd ask them to look.
24:58
For in a potential spouse. So you mentioned a clock.
25:02
Well, you know, if I were to advise a brother, what to find
25:06
the no wife realistically in Islam, there's only two criteria
25:10
that need to be met the Mission De Maria us that their faith,
25:14
their team, and Their Manners, which is the o'clock.
25:17
Now, the good thing about these two is that you can always fact,
25:20
check, and verify these from family community friends.
25:25
So, these are two things that you can actually go and find
25:28
out. Your actual out too.
25:30
So it's not really, you know, hey trying to constantly, no
25:32
stirring issues up. Yeah, you think you have found
25:35
some suitable? You think the someone can be the
25:37
future mother of your children? For example?
25:39
Yeah, this is someone who's going to be part of the
25:41
foundation of your household. Go ask about them.
25:44
See how their lockers and, you know, just analogue for example,
25:47
you mentioned earlier before the podcast where there are
25:51
different Avenues when it comes to a lock.
25:53
How are they? For example, with their shyness?
25:57
That's one for example. And how are they with their
25:59
humility? For example, are they humble,
26:02
are they happy to settle for something less?
26:05
You know, these are the sort of things, but if someone is often
26:08
materialistic things, I think that's a huge red flag and stay
26:12
far away from them are correct. Because maybe by the way, might
26:16
not be the girl's fault. A lot of times, a girl might be,
26:21
might seem to be very materialistic, but that's
26:23
because of her Circle. Yeah, and I found the
26:25
surroundings peer pressure's, Instagram, you might not One,
26:29
you know, the Cinderella stories and stuff like this, but
26:31
sometimes you have parents aunties friends, know you need
26:35
that you deserve this, its bills.
26:36
Materialistic doesn't just mean money.
26:38
It also means like there are people who, especially, for
26:42
example. The not just satisfied with the
26:44
flat, you want to Villa, that's the song.
26:45
Yeah, I'm trying to. I think it's just about items, I
26:47
think. So, some state is like, a lot of
26:49
people pay too much attention to what degree does this guy have?
26:52
If, if this suit has a good degree, combine my daughter,
26:55
there's always this suitors from a good family.
26:57
Can marry my daughter. Water.
26:59
And also some of mentioned I have to have to raise this on,
27:02
mention a really good point. Oh no, the racism podcast or
27:05
they commented on one of our post saying about Satan on Save
27:08
marriages, which one day we can get in to say, it's become
27:12
leave. That conversation Goes On by the
27:14
way, but that's a separate conversation and like I said,
27:17
there's two different sides, but we're not going into that.
27:20
But the idea is that if status and reputation and things like
27:23
that is also a priority for you, then that's materialistic.
27:26
Yeah, that is something which is a worldly.
27:28
Gaynor wildly asset that someone holds that you feel is important
27:34
if they're going to marry you or something to your daughter for
27:36
example. And that's not important for us.
27:38
You know what I mean? There's things that we should
27:40
look for in a spouse, like you said, humility shiners are luck
27:45
the way she presents herself. Well, he presents himself and of
27:48
course, the way they were the way they engage with nowadays.
27:52
We're lucky because we have social media can be a positive.
27:56
So you can see, for example, most of the content they share,
27:58
Like on their stories. What sort of are they?
28:01
For example someone who owns a good moral compass.
28:03
So they are they trying to always fundraise for worthy
28:06
causes that tells you about their charitable nature.
28:08
Are there someone who shares versus only or on their story?
28:12
Are they someone who shares a Hadith?
28:14
You know what I mean? But this will tell you about
28:16
what they take interested. And I think that's a really,
28:18
really nice thing. But of course, I've gotta make
28:21
like abundantly, clear? No one's saying go out and find
28:25
the most boring and religious girl, you can to marry, ya know,
28:29
Go out. Find the most religious go.
28:31
You can who suits you a matches you and your on a level with
28:34
them. You there needs to be a spark.
28:36
So you need to be attracted to them how they look.
28:38
You need to feel like I like their sense of humor.
28:41
Or I like I like the way they think about things.
28:43
I like their goals and aspirations like that
28:46
attraction, will only grow, I think one create criteria should
28:49
be vicious subscribed after model.
28:51
Hello the no, subscribe that like button.
28:53
They're not takers thousand. Guys, let us help us get to that
29:01
Sean Lowe. And, you know, I think one more
29:03
thing happened, I think it's only fair to let those listening
29:07
or watching the podcast wherever they're watching.
29:08
This is that, for example, if you already dug yourself in
29:11
that, grave. Yeah, let's see.
29:13
You are and Haram relationship. Yeah, it's not the end of the
29:15
day, you can come out. How hard, it's know, you can
29:19
come out, you can make, you can make a hand on.
29:22
You can make a, what if, what if you want to hide our
29:24
relationship with someone? You're not serious about.
29:26
So let's say I'm talking about, that's completely different,
29:27
that's why I'm not married. Talking to a sister who's not
29:31
must know. Because why mean by this.
29:33
Let's say, for example, person X for the love of person.
29:37
Why right? Why is it go?
29:39
Okay, now they've been talking for a few weeks.
29:43
A few months. However is they're probably
29:44
going to date or to whatever is I have no idea what they are up
29:47
to that's between them. This, they think they're
29:51
suitable for each other and they want to give it a go, okay?
29:54
But because they are already in a relationship, they don't know
29:56
how to face that Paris at the say, Hey Dad, I know this guy.
30:01
Hey Mom. I know this girl that is a very
30:04
scary difficult time to tell your parent because number one
30:07
it's like by you just saying you know I found this girl your mama
30:11
they're probably thinking. This is my son's be talking to
30:14
girls. Yeah you've already crossed your
30:16
line and now you want to tell him I read.
30:18
You know this girl that's like a double double line, they've
30:20
crossed that you've really been talking Us in someone for this.
30:23
You know that's probably scary for the guys is it more for the
30:26
girl for sure? Dad, like I know, you know,
30:30
Shalom. If I ever have a daughter, she
30:33
grows up. She tells me that my Fury is
30:37
coming up big time. I don't blame you, I don't
30:39
believe what you girls. All the velocity far away from
30:42
Alice Shaw know, we all know their race but you know, two
30:45
amazing people but you know the thought is then, you know scary
30:49
for any potential parent window. Even if parents of age we're not
30:52
even parents of children who are of marriageable age and we've
30:55
got that. Yeah.
30:56
But what I'm trying to say is that if you are ready, Let's say
31:00
in that position, go tell your parents, okay, what does that
31:04
mean? Just say, you know, I know
31:05
there's well we've been talking want to make it legit.
31:08
You want to get married and as a parent, if you're a parent
31:10
listening to this and your kid comes to you, Bo don't tell
31:14
them, you're gonna end up in. Hell yeah, I think the one thing
31:17
you have to position them, have a conversation, bitchery him
31:20
out, give them your advice, your parent.
31:22
Give them your life, experience your parent, don't tell them
31:24
what to do and what not to do and then guide them as best you
31:27
can. So ways of the elevator Of
31:28
Islam. There's so many examples in the
31:31
marriage of set of alternatives are on a minimum manin.
31:33
Holy prophet Mohammed Salah Salem and say the Collegiate
31:35
like and the list goes on and on and we have to remember that.
31:39
There are also so many marriages where they were hardships,
31:41
they'll be able to hear with a salaam maybe Lord at Islam.
31:44
Let me know Elisa Lam and while it hasn't and they Salam all of
31:47
these impeccable personalities infallible, 's had difficult
31:51
marriages. So no marriage is going to be
31:53
perfect. So if your husband or so, not
31:55
your husband, if your brother or your sister, or your son, or
31:58
your daughter come, Do you think I found someone?
32:00
But they're not working at the moment.
32:01
They're an amazing person. They're on their Dean, they
32:04
volunteer. They they give charity, they
32:07
have good o'clock, they don't swear, they don't listen to
32:09
music. They play all the solar, but
32:10
they don't have a job at the moment.
32:11
Mmm, don't shut them down. Anything, that's a blessing.
32:15
There's like a hypothesis. And I'm paraphrasing.
32:17
If a man comes to with the good o'clock and a good deal.
32:19
Like you said, said do not say no to them is what the Hadith
32:24
is. If I'm not mistaken, I'm
32:25
paraphrasing. But I believe that is the
32:28
instruction. Even our suggestions instruction
32:30
from the holy prophet Muhammad. I had a friend who was once
32:32
turned down many years ago by a sister who turned them down,
32:40
because of their culture and their origin.
32:42
Both from the same Community. Both shh, most young Muslim,
32:45
both from the same part of the world.
32:47
Both same age, both actually had the same job believe or not.
32:50
That's how they met, and it didn't work out, because one was
32:55
from this Center mom's from that Center.
32:56
Oh my God, for the love of Allah spot.
32:58
All I do not turn someone down over something like that.
33:01
Mmm, you know, you've got a Halal, a potentially, a very
33:03
fruitful and beneficial relationship.
33:05
Why should that like, you know? I mean, ya know and I just want
33:09
to add and I hope I'm not going to make issues at home for
33:11
people Paris, listening this. If your daughter comes to you
33:14
and find someone that's on his Dean has good manners.
33:18
You know what I have to say? No.
33:19
Yeah. In fact, if you say no, there's
33:22
ways where she can get married without the father's approval,
33:25
if she does have a valid reason, if there's enough A father's
33:29
doesn't have a valid reason. So if his reason for example
33:33
that you know what, he can't, you know, take you take take
33:38
take your hand and have a house ready for example.
33:41
Yeah, that's not valid reason. Absolutely.
33:43
The last thing I want to say before we wrap up is if someone
33:45
is in a Haram relationship at the moment, they could be 15.
33:49
They could be 25 or older, but they're speaking to someone who
33:52
they do not have the intention to marry.
33:55
I'm speaking to a girl for the sake of it.
33:56
I like a company. She's good-looking.
33:58
I mean, I'll put her, we have fun and that's it.
34:02
How do I get out of that question is so important because
34:05
so many people going through it, the answer is to have to work on
34:09
Allah to trust in God that you will find someone who's right
34:12
for you. Whether it's now or later, if
34:14
you're not serious, stop messing around someone else's feelings
34:17
and their life damaging their reputation, damaging their
34:21
emotional, the mental, and the spiritual health and and move
34:24
on. And trust me on a level Allah
34:28
will Forgive you give you more opportunities if you feel, you
34:31
cannot live life at this stage without like speaking to a girl
34:36
for example. You know a lot of guys go
34:37
through that like day-to-day the speaking to a bunch of girls
34:41
casually or seriously, you know what I mean for a period of
34:44
years from 17 for example to like 25 the speaker, the goal
34:48
all the time. You know, by the time they get
34:49
married there's nothing left us. Talk with the wife a lot.
34:52
Yeah, I'm being honest. Yeah, I've seen a lot of people,
34:55
for example, you know, they get married, the bitch.
34:58
Later in life. So that like, 28, 29 30,
35:01
whatever it is, and does not really always at home with the
35:05
missus or they don't think the mrs.
35:07
Out York's. Then, why don't you spend time
35:09
with your wife? I had my fun.
35:12
Let's have had my fun, because the whole teenage youthful years
35:15
before marriage, they've done everything and anything
35:17
attention. Yeah, save it.
35:19
Save it for your beautiful wife saving for your beautiful
35:22
husband. And the last point I'll make you
35:24
both Unstoppable, that relationship will be
35:27
Unbreakable. You find the right person for
35:30
you, you follow the right steps of.
35:31
When I'll give it as ripe steps but maybe inshallah some ideas
35:35
but if you've got the near it will you will be successful
35:38
Allah will help you out of that hat on relationship and you help
35:42
balance you and neutralize you because really like we said, why
35:46
are you talking to someone that you don't want to be with
35:48
either? You're too excited and you need
35:50
to speak to someone or your board or you're feeling peer
35:53
pressure or something like that? Don't, don't worry about that.
35:55
That's fine. Take a step back say to the Is
35:58
it gender? Who are you speaking to look?
36:00
I'm really sorry but I can't do this anymore.
36:03
Honestly, I don't say blame but put it on religion, say that my
36:06
religion has allowed me to do so I want to get close to God.
36:09
They'll understand. If you they like you don't
36:10
understand it. Have you ever had this scenario
36:13
where you are face something similar to this?
36:16
Let's say other nodes. Go back all the way to your
36:17
school years. Yeah example, being a teenager
36:20
Etc, where you ever in a situation where, you know, the
36:24
opposite gender, once I have a friendship relationship with
36:27
you, not talk about a lesbian Current girlfriend.
36:29
But let's just be friends at school.
36:31
Hmm. How was the obstacle house?
36:34
Of course. And I think to be to be really
36:35
fair, I think every guy is gone through that, I'm sure you have
36:38
saved. I'm sure a lot of people else
36:40
have at home. It's very easy to be a guy and
36:43
to approach a girl or to be a goal to have a got a guy Pro to
36:47
whatever it is, you know what I mean?
36:50
You've just got to be mature about it.
36:51
So, I think a young age is hard, when you're 17 18, 19, your mind
36:55
is just about become adult and you're just about understanding
36:58
the issues with real world of talking about.
37:00
Imagine if you're 18. Yeah, for the first time in your
37:03
life, you can understand things on an intellectual level so you
37:06
don't feel left out of conversation anymore.
37:08
You want to feel like an adult. So you want to be part of
37:11
relationships, you want to be listening to everything that all
37:13
the grown-ups, and it's into four years.
37:15
Five years ago, when you're 18, you are 13 your kid.
37:18
You don't know me, but when you're twenty eight, five years
37:20
ago, you're still an adult. Just what I mean.
37:22
So, a young age. You're so fresh on the scene,
37:25
you're dying to speak to someone.
37:26
So if a girl is approaching you as a young Young Brother
37:30
understand that you know you just going to be harder for you
37:33
at this age than it will be when you're older, you know Allah
37:36
gives so much suburb and and mercy to the brothers who
37:40
restrain themselves and to look after themselves and who
37:43
reserved themselves hard enough. Yeah.
37:45
But self-control you reserve this also that Queen honestly
37:48
that that's got to be a mentality and the same for the
37:50
Sisters. If you reserve your modesty,
37:53
your beauty and you save that for brothers willing and and
37:57
deserving a I'll bless you and that that relationship will
38:00
remain healthy weight for a guy who's waiting for you but you
38:02
guys don't know it yet. Yeah.
38:04
That's got to be the goal, your reserve yourself or someone
38:06
else. Well that's very valid.
38:08
You don't like the way you said you can wait for the right
38:10
person because a lot of people can go through two, three, four
38:13
times. Yeah, where they're trying to
38:15
get married doesn't happen. And then of the you plan, she
38:18
plans Allah the best of planners sent and it might be for the
38:21
best. I see you might think, you know,
38:23
I love this person or really want to marry this person.
38:26
They're just not the right match for you.
38:28
Absolutely. Absolutely I think it's lastly
38:30
just to add. I think it's very important just
38:33
to just to stay pure in your own your Iman on your Dean to
38:36
remember that Allah has given us a limited time on this Earth and
38:39
every living day and passing moment we want to make sure it's
38:42
all our best opportunity. So if this is our last day on
38:45
this Dunya, in this Dunya that we will not regret the day we've
38:49
had and mahasabha, the concept of self accountability is very
38:54
important. The end of the day, we know this
38:55
Hadith about looking back on the day you've had whoo.
38:58
Have you spoken to what? You said?
39:00
Who have interacted with? We do you know what I mean?
39:02
So, if we get into a habit of doing that on a day-to-day
39:04
basis, you you will naturally filter out, you don't need
39:06
someone telling you, look for this and don't look for that,
39:09
you know, I mean, you'll naturally your Neffs will tell
39:10
you if you're doing the right thing or not.
39:13
Yeah, that's what I got to say. But smash the like button guys
39:16
and stay tuned for more. I know our producer loves always
39:20
a smash, the like button. Smash get a hammer, how do you
39:23
do it? Proper smash, it works out.
39:26
Yeah, yeah. Like punch up.
39:29
Father that's one. That's one word.
39:32
I knew from back in the day. Mmm, Yeah guys, stay tuned for
39:35
more discussions. That's not.
39:36
You think of course this is a massive topic.
39:38
There's so much to talk about. We're just talking from
39:42
experience and opinion. So forgive us, guys, if we've
39:44
said anything to offend you and listen, if you want more
39:47
discussions on marriage or relationships on, in-laws on
39:50
children and parents on anything like that.
39:53
Please comment down below. Let us know what you think
39:55
because, to be honest a we've been talking about this and we
39:58
think Marriage is a huge, huge company as is huge.
40:01
And the thing with marriage, one podcast, small enough because
40:04
there is like 100 different Avenues you can take.
40:08
And I'm sure everyone will find benefit in these conversations
40:10
because that's everyone is struggling.
40:12
I struggle, the producer struggling, everyone struggling
40:14
in life, be a marriage, be it, you know, with your spouse, with
40:17
your kids, with your in-laws, you mentioned, nose, for
40:18
example, be with your community, be it, for example, you know,
40:22
divorce is one thing being for example, and a partner who
40:27
emotion you, destroy Is there pain?
40:29
There's there's so much things marriage and everyone can relate
40:32
to and Sharla drop right in the comments.
40:35
Yeah, that's what is it. You want to talk about?
40:37
Or, for example, if you have any marriage questions to the
40:39
marriage expert, brother Hamid, you want to show.
40:43
Anyway guys, thanks for tuning in and we'll see you next week
40:46
or salaam alaikum.