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Denny horror - El ogro y el hada · Comedy Central Stand-Up

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Yeah, Comedy Central Podcast pull up and say some nights a question before you
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start like this, how many people here have come because I was acting four
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good geeks is my fucking career. It' s not me you really don
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' t feel. I see guilty faces. Don' t feel bad.
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Don' t feel bad about me. This really doesn' t offend me.
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It takes a lot of pressure away from me because I know no one
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expects much of this performance. This is like when you' re going to
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make love to someone who has a very small penis. Not that any little
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thing that makes you is already like good, for look, for in the
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end it really seemed not. No. That' s my status at Comedy
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Central. I' m a very small penis. Eye. Recently, a
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scientist came out on the newspaper to ensure attention. He claimed he had done,
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a head transplant between two monkeys. You know, I had picked up
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a monkey and put the other one' s head on it. No,
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and this gave me a lot of hope. I mean, I' d
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volunteer for that experiment. You know, I want me to put it on
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a monkey' s head because, like, the human doesn' t go
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so well with me. I mean, I' m forty years old,
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my career, you see, they' re coming down from hell, I
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mean, I don' t have my own living apartment for rent, in
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fact, from the last month, I mean, I don' t have
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a date right now until the complicated thing. I mean, as a human
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being I' m a failure, but as a monkey I' d be
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batting him. You know, I figure you' re gonna go to work
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tomorrow, and we were fucking about how the guy turned out a monkey to
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tell jokes, but he was good. What' s wrong with a fucking
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monkey. Ja was there, he got on stage and he got to talk
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and he was trying to get out. Funny, pathetic way. It was
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like watching him zapping. Well, Ja, not Ja, but good.
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There are also things that raise my morale. No, there are things that
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raise my morale. For example, the waiter under my house. He always
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calls me champion. You know, it' s like the time to spare.
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The other day I was drunk and I left without paying and he told
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me eh boy and it was like ah I lost the crown. Not me,
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I think I screwed up. I started shitting her when I picked out
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my stage name, not really my real name is Dennis. But of stage
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name I put Tennis Horror as a tribute to the movie Rockie Horror. Pixoseo
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thinking everyone knew her, you know, and no one' s ever known
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that fucking movie in Spain. Then people started calling me a horror and I
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said good look what matters. You know, it' s kind of the
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name of the queens, but, you know, and the other day,
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in a dating with more comics, a partner introduced me as attention makes a
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mistake and made me very angry. That I was very angry that it hadn
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' t occurred to me, because I think it defines me and not just
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as a comedian, but as a person. You know, I' d
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take that name forever, that' s the person who drops it like an
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aunt and tells me how I could have made a mistake as much with you
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as you could have let me down as an aunt. I' m Dani
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' s mistake. I was hoping, you know. The truth is,
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my first idols. Not on stage, they weren' t funny, they
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weren' t musicians. I really liked heavy metal not as a teenager you
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knew for sure, because it' s called' 80s Wash. No,
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well, I was a singer when the situation ended. That one always ended
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if it didn' t, I mean, it had the state infervorized towards
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that if people started ovationing, I mean, that was the shit. Not
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me, when I get a notation out, I always go like good,
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some nights then I wanted to get off the stage. You know like a
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javy metal burst that just hit it, and I always leave like a teenager
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who just left a baby in the trash, like oh. It' s
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funny, because it' s true and it' s not. If you
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search me on Google, if you search the Internet, one of the images
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you' re going to find of me is a photo of me disguised as
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a Roman soldier with Packyring if it' s a series that maybe a couple
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of years old. I' m not a Roman soldier and Pak Ring is
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a centurion, not in other words the image, not in other words the
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Pak Ring and I of Romans is not like the living nativity scene of the
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canyons, that is to say and fuck me, because it' s like
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the most humiliating moment of my life and it' s in the networks you
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know to see whoever I want not and it worries that maybe Javid on other
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planets, extraterrestrial life and that one day they begin to investigate in thousands of
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years what humanity was and one of the documents that comes to them by waves
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is a video clip of Pakering and say leader attention. We have found the
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most subnormal being in the known universe and then you will find in the photo
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in that centurion state, me as a soldier and you will say, as
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you hope there was another one with less graduation here. Nothing is complicated to
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be funny, especially if you have a beard. It' s very difficult
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to travel these days every time I' ve attacked this. You know,
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you know, you know, at stations, I got pulled over when they
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were the last ones in Paris, and they also stopped me when they were
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in London a few years ago. Do not remember according to the attacks in
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London and I knew sold of the performance in Barcelona by bus as you see
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Lopeto and had already met another comedian of this channel, called Igir Rubin,
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that surely or will sound, because it is one of the best comedians that
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is now in the channel and was waiting for him. Two cops didn'
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t come to stop me. You know how to document your comment, gentlemen,
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when they call you a gentleman, you know, you know you'
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re in trouble. No, and I' ll give it to him,
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he won' t tell me, and it' s all here. Gentleman,
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nothing waiting for a friend already a friend. Not much tension, no,
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but just more time came and Ggy Rubin and I, Robin, who
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don' t know him. He' s a great comedian, he'
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s a very handsome boy. She' s very successful with girls, but
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we don' t know you. We know he' s got a little
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bit of a pen. It' s okay It' s okay. You
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can tell me if I' m a friend of mine I' m telling
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you openly. You know, he doesn' t get mad, and if
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he gets angry, he sticks too loose. You know that one can'
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t be told, because at a more tense moment when I already thought I
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was going to be stopped appeared and g Rubin as an angel Savior. You
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know that day he was wearing some fur gloves and he was taking one off.
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So and I see the police panic look like they' re not terrorists,
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they' re faggots. And it was very nice, because I,
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fuck, is the first time in my life that one prejudice saves me from
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another. I' ve told you before I don' t have a boyfriend
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now and I want to have a girlfriend again, but it sucks. That
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doesn' t piss me off when you' ve got 40 tacos. You
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know, I can' t go out on a date anymore, or if
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you want to get there, I' ve got a hundicap that I think
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you' ve already noticed. Don' t mean I have a big nose
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and this I' ve learned creates expectations. Some girls laugh at lost men.
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I' ll make a myth out of the big- nosed men,
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a two- size, basically my drama is that my nose spreads check,
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it' s that my pear can' t pay. No, but it
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' s very complicated. It' s very complicated not to get, to
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get a girlfriend. I want to get a girlfriend, but make it forever.
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Now why don' t I want to cut again. Cutting with a
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girl is the saddest thing, which is the worst thing to cut a relationship,
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not especially when you already live with her. No, I mean,
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it' s time to break up the house. It' s the saddest
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thing I' ll do and I' ll step aside because with my pride
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it happens to me the same as with my nose, which is too big
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for my chances. I mean cut with a girl. I got super proud
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and I told him you know that take everything away from micrate with everything I
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' m going to throw away take everything the next day I' m crying
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drunk with an empty room. No. No. No, no, no.
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No. It' s just one thing happens to guys, that is,
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since when you' re in a relationship, that is, it'
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s a stable relationship. You let yourself go physically, you know, and
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the moment that that' s over, you haven' t noticed and you
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' ve become a little monster. I noticed the other day. The other
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day I was walking out of the elevator and there was this girl who was
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looking at the phone, no, and I got out of here, and
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the guy did, as you know, what I' m saying. It
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' s okay. I was out of my mind, I didn' t
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expect to see someone get scared, you know, it' s normal,
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no, but after the initial or something, it got back together and made
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a man. Warn it' s like a visa. I have to warn
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you that I' m going to the places I mean, at that point
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I' ve come to say oh grubo so that people are preparing. I
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need a girlfriend, especially because I have a problem. It' s just
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that I live in a very small building. I' m a very poor
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person who lives in a very small building. Okay, and there' s
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a five- year- old girl who' s afraid of me. And
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of course I, when I had a girlfriend in a fun situation, I
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was going down with my girlfriend. The girl was hiding, the parents were
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laughing. My girlfriend laughed at a nice situation. He doesn' t say
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I' m an otero of a building. It' s already tense.
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You know and you don' t know. It' s not that joy
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anymore. I don' t mean, I know God doesn' t want
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it, but I know it' s that girl. God doesn' t
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want it. But as something happens to him, I' m going to
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be the first suspect, I mean, obsessing, obsessing that girl is good.
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The point is, I' ve started following her. I' m
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going to school to take pictures. You know, I noticed who he'
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s with I put cameras in his house. It doesn' t obsess your
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safety and I' m afraid this can be misunderstood in some way. I
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don' t need a girlfriend, because it' s very complicated. It
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' s very complicated, so a fruitful relationship that' s not very complicated
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to maintain a relationship. I went against it the other day. The other
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day she was in a bar and the lady bar was a wonderful lady of
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about seventy years. No, and it came out on the news about these
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powers of Santiago that they accuse of killing their daughter. Not sure, older
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people, you know, affect him a lot. No, sir, she
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got very angry and she told me that I can' t understand these things
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happening, because killing your son is worth it. But the two of you
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agree is just like this, ma' am, the idea of killing your
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son here a marriage is more reasonable, make plans together. You know,
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I mean, it' s been hard It' s gonna be a relationship.
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It' s very hard to have a relationship, to keep it,
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and it' s very easy for you to fuck off. You know a
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reaction. It can be damaged by a communication problem. You know what nonsense.
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I lost a relationship years ago because we didn' t understand each other.
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You know a bad on, a miscommunication. I won' t explain.
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I mean, I' d been convincing her to try the golden rain
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for days. Okay, yeah, let' s see, it' s
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okay to put people in someone else' s room. We' ll give
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a few seconds when we all know not to see. In this case it
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was me about her, but if I fire the other way around, I
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' d also be full. With that, you know or what to say
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I' m not a fart. The point is, we' ve been
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talking about the idea for days, and one night we got home drunk.
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You know, we' re there lovingly not and I went to the bathroom
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and I sat down to paramear, because I, when I got drunk to
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my house, I felt like paraming. You know, if I' m
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in another house, I don' t care, but in my house I
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know what can happen. I sit down to pee,' cause then I
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have to scrub it. I was sitting there and he was already looking at
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me. We were so cocky. No, and I got that vicious point
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that gets us into it when you' re drunk and you get evil in
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your head. You don' t know, and right before I peed at
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her, I looked at her and I said you love her and I looked
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at her and she said yes, of course. Then, speaking to him
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I saw what had happened, she understood you love me. Hey, I
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' ve had it. It was nice, because we never told each other
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I love you, I mean, it was like the first time we recognized
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our love. You know, and I mean, of course he really did
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say yes, yes, I love you no, and I guess you were
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expecting a kiss, but hey didn' t count on Dani mistake and another
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one on something else, not that he had to be worth it for this.
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It' s a little embarrassing. I just got hit. This happens
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sometimes. There' s nothing wrong with these cases. I always carry a
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chop, you know, so this cuts me off. There' s nothing
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to say. That' s your time. I' m sorry. It
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' s unprofessional, but I have this no, no, no, no,
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don' t do that That' s how you don' t applaud
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someone who' s doing more of their job than saying that. Started Spain,
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you know it' s already, already, it' s all controlled,
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it' s got plan and hello, tenni quiet, you' re
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in a performance. If you' re reading, this is not going.
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All right, it' s okay. Take your time, but not too
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much. You see those people in front of you are the audience. They
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' re waiting for something funny to happen. They believe that, since they
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have paid an entrance, they have the right to see a perfectly finished show.
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How unwary to explain is that in life you don' t always get
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what you want doesn' t work. So, we' ve come to
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a point by reading to Dennie that we must be honest now, this isn
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' t really a chop. You wrote this gars thinking it would be funny,
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but it' s not working. Danny, nobody' s laughing much.
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There' s starting to be some tension and worst of all. Worst
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of all, you' re only halfway through the sketch. You have to
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finish reading this fucking sheet, even if nobody trusts me to be very funny
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anymore. You hear some nervous giggle like waiting for this to go back at
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some point. He' s not gonna do it. They' re already
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beginning to doubt that you have a psychological problem. Imagine that this is broadcast
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on TV and someone turns on TV. Now Danny' s gonna see a
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cateto who' s barely capable of reading. While a lot of people are
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laughing at him, they may think you' re an eye- catcher,
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we only have a dignified way to close this sketch. Do the only thing
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you know how to do in your artistic career, make an abnormal face and
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throw a cultural cry. I mean, this sucks because I didn' t
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want to finish the performance. Cool you know if it' s been a
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little anticlimatic and I don' t know how to fix it, because I
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don' t have any more sketches. You know, I just have an
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idea. That occurred to me. There' s a legend. There'
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s a legend with a comedian. It' s such a rush you can
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ask for help next to humor. It' s a character my uncle who
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helps comedians and nicknames, but you have to help me summon her. You
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can do that for my audience. We have. We have to get started.
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Okay. You have to say Come on in the mood, first very
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low and then we go up. Okay. Start with me Come on,
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come on, come on, let' s see you all alone, love.
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I came from a birthday. I see a guñero. I asked him
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thanks for the fairies. He told me that so he pulls out my pony
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and I waited for him how his head will grow this and you believe in
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this, you believe in this. It also costs rooms to see. You
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want to go out a room. Well there was this a child was born
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dead end to see is oh my ca tale worth it is funny, because
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it happens many times. Now I' m going to make a monologue for
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girls. They are worth our things, for example, not and there are
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only men. What' s wrong with them? She likes to eat her
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dick and not like shopping, but what would you do to that one?
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It never happened to you that you have those moments, not like lucidity,
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what do you see your life like from the outside, and you think about
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all the decisions that you' ve made, that have taken you this particular
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moment, in space, in time. And you see yourself if you think
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what the fuck or ome two ice cream where you love it. In my
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village, there' s a kid you were doing, you' re sick
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of it, but I' ve already put together a million plastic plugs and
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taken them so he' s entertained. Hahaha why. Because hospital clown sun.
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You know there' s already this paraya hospital. What you guys were
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doing, hospital clowns. It' s not like the craziest way to get
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public to see those people are fucking enough, you have to go It'
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s like you' re in a concentration camp and they' re bringing you
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into Banglou' s ear. No, no, better, no, but
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it' s this, this is really true. I mean, I,
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uh, once went to the comedy hospitals and there was this kid who was
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English. I didn' t know how to make it go you know without
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then I started to make faces, not make faces and I started screaming to
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laugh. I didn' t start laughing and I said I was Fabry,
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I was Fary. No. He tells you you' re a mother,
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you' re a fairy no and I said okay he started playing dumb.
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It doesn' t start jumping not like a fairy doesn' t. And
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you know if the guy laughed more and more. I didn' t think
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you know they could do I don' t know how to be a fairy
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aga. I think love, I think love, yes or no come,
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love comes. I believe love, but it confuses me. I' m
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confused that a person with us sees on the street falling in love with that
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person is so beautiful, she' s so pure. I want to dedicate
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the rest of my days to making it happy. Right. It' s
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been a month and you' re saying what lets you run into his face.
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Not that it' s like oh wa wob or, what happened here,
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there' s a month serious, in a past esport I love you,
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I want to make to Turre the your car I the bedchando of my
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dick. I want it in your face. It doesn' t make any
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sense, it won' t give me any pleasure, but I think it
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' s her place. I think that' s fair, because my chicken
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is very ugly and your face very pretty. There' s what I just
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thought. So let him throw the liquid you beat the debugger of my dick
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to touch or you don' t love me. The case that I finally
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talked to central comidias, I decided to record the sketch is told of humor
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and I told my girlfriend, well now she' s already ex- girlfriend.
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I told him I' m gonna do this. I didn' t
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tell him the kid' s story. You know the kid who told me
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you' re a fairy, you' re a fairy and she looked at
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me and told me I had you. You know, in English, Fabe
20:52
doesn' t mean anything. It also means faggot, but you know.
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In a way, I' m happy. I' m happy because I
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' ve got something with this, it' s that the next time you
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see my picture with packaging Ring will no longer be a more humiliating moment of
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my life, because I' m no longer damaging horror, I' m
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no longer Dani error, I' m no longer such a mistake. Now
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I' m forever. There' s nothing. Dolo mor is enough sepramenos,