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How Kelly Rutherford Found Strength When She Thought She'd Lost Everything · I Choose Me with Jennie Garth

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Welcome
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: back to I Choose Me. Kelly Rutherford blossomed on Melrose
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Place and Gossip Girl and keeps growing and modeling success.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: Let's jump back into our conversation. Your kids are grown now.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they're great. They're amazing.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: They've come out and turned out well.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes. They've turned out amazingly well and they're They're incredible.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: I'm blessed. I feel very, very blessed.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Oh, and then you get to have a close relationship
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: with them. It's just, you're right. Everything somehow happens for
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: a reason. Everything turns out the way it's supposed to be.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. It does. It really does. How old are
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: your kids now?
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: My kids are 29, 23, and 20.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: You started out young.
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: I did.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: I did.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: How old were you when you had your first child?
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: I was 38 and 40. Yeah.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Well, you know, how do you feel about this whole like,
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like it's been happening since the 90s,
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: but the 90s just keep continuing to like have more moments,
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: more moments, more moments, like this whole nostalgia around the 90s. And,
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: you know, you're Your position in the 90s was very strong.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: People remember you, of course, from Melrose Place. Of course,
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: of course, of course, from Gossip Girl. Did you ever think,
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: and I get asked this question all the time too,
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: did you ever think it would still be this big
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: in 2026?
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: I had no idea. No way, because you never know.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: You really don't. I'm thankful.
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: I'm so happy people loved it, you know?
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: It's such a gift. Really? Yeah.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's, it's fun to think about your character
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: and how she sort of made this. I mean, just,
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: just last night when I told my daughter Lola, who's 23, she,
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: I said, you were coming on the pod and she said,
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, tell her I want to be just
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: like her. Isn't that cool?
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: That's super cool.
• 2:24
  Speaker 4: Super cool.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: If you were to go back and play your character
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: from Gossip Girl, would you do it any differently now?
• 2:35
  Speaker 4: No.
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: No.
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: No, I wouldn't do it differently.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: Have you watched it back?
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: I haven't in a long time.
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: I mean, I had a six-month-old baby when we started,
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: and then I got pregnant.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: I had Helena in season three.
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: Uh, went back, had, you know, personal stuff going on,
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: obviously through that time working. So I saw a lot
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: of it, but I did not see all of it.
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: And I would like to go back and sit and
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: watch the whole thing. I mean, obviously I was there
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: filming it.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: So, you know, you know, and I watched a lot
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: of them. I just haven't, I probably missed some, you.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: Know, I found that when I went back to watch them,
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: cause I do a recap podcast about the whole 10
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: seasons and I found that I had never really watched
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: the show because I was too busy either making it
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: or taking care of kids or just hustling. So when
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: I sat down to watch it back, I just, as
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: the season, we're already in season eight, as it sort
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: of unfolded, I was like, wow, I have this whole
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: new appreciation for that girl that I'm watching on the screen. Like,
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: especially like what she was living through in her personal life.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: So that would be really good for you, I think,
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: like eye-opening.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: And it just gave me this new sort of appreciation
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: for how far I've come, what I've endured in life
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: and how I showed up even in those times when
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: things were off the rails personally.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: It's just fun to go back and watch it. How
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: do you balance choosing yourself while also putting your children first?
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: And I know it's much different now as they've gotten older,
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: but still even my experience, like I'm now into the
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: groove of working and traveling and doing the things on
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: my calendar that are important to me. And then one
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  Speaker 1: of them will call and need me yesterday. They'll be like,
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: I'm sick. I need you to come right now. And
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: how do you sort of balance it all?
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  Speaker 3: Well, I think you do what we all do, which
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: is you focus on what you're doing when you're doing it.
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  Speaker 3: It's really what they talk about, about being in the
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: moment and staying present because you can have all sorts
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: of plans and do whatever and that's great. But of course,
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: if your kids need you, you're there. That's just obvious.
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  Speaker 3: So that's what you do. You plan and do your
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: best to do your thing and also be there for
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  Speaker 3: your kids and the people that.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: You love and You just roll with it. You got
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: to kind of.
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  Speaker 2: You roll with it. You don't overthink it.
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  Speaker 3: I think if you overthink about this balance thing, I
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: don't know that there is balance. I don't know that
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  Speaker 3: that's what we're supposed to achieve. And I think it
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  Speaker 3: gives people stress trying to achieve it. So let's just
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: get rid of it.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: Let's live out of balance. Well, I think it is balance.
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  Speaker 3: It is balance, but different things need our attention at
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  Speaker 3: different times. But that does not mean that it's not balanced. So,
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: you know, it's our ability to focus on many different things.
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  Speaker 2: And we can.
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  Speaker 3: And, you know, or at least focus on what we're
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: doing at the time. So, you know, you can be
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: doing your self-care and your kids call. Your self-care is
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: not going anywhere. It's just, you know, so bad. Yeah,
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: you get your hair colored next week.
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  Speaker 2: Like, who cares? You know what I mean? It's not
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: like that. You know, you prioritize what's important.
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: More than trying to find balance because balance like equality
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  Speaker 3: is unachievable because we are individuals. We are individuals. You
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: can't find this. You're not going to find an equal thing.
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: Of course, we're all equal in the sense of human, basic, whatever,
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  Speaker 3: but we're not, we're not meant to be.
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  Speaker 2: We're not, that's not the goal. The goal is to
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: be you, you know, and yeah.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: And what works for someone else might not work for you,
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: might not work for the next person. We all have
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: to kind of find our own way.
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: I know.
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  Speaker 2: All these things to live up to are really challenging.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: It's stressful.
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  Speaker 1: Like all the things I'm supposed to do every day
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: to be healthy and whole and balanced. Yeah.
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: Sometimes it's just like, no, I'm just going to do today.
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  Speaker 2: I'm going to get up and do today. Yeah. You
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: can make those lists and goals and, Plans and all
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: of it. That's wonderful.
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  Speaker 3: That's part of the visualization and part of the creation. But,
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: you know, life happens. You know, the sky is changing
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  Speaker 3: all the time.
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  Speaker 2: The light's changing. The weather's changing. It doesn't try to
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: find balance. It is in balance. Nature is in.
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  Speaker 3: Perfect balance, you know, but it's not. Yeah.
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: But it's what things happen even to nature exactly what
• 7:24
  Speaker 4: do the birds do when it starts you know whatever
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  Speaker 4: pouring rain and thundering and they go with it they
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  Speaker 4: go with.
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  Speaker 3: The weather you know what I mean they figure it
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  Speaker 3: out just like we do to kind of roll with
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  Speaker 3: it a.
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  Speaker 1: Bit what do you hope that your children learned from
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  Speaker 1: you along their journey with you.
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  Speaker 3: I just want them to know that they're loved. You know,
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  Speaker 3: that's what I say to them all the time. Do
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  Speaker 3: you feel loved? And they said, yeah, mom, we feel loved.
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  Speaker 1: I said, okay.
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  Speaker 3: And you feel like I'm here and supportive. How am
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: I doing as a mom? You know, I always say,
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: how am I doing?
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  Speaker 4: I love that.
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  Speaker 2: And they're like, ah, it's like, mom, you're fine. I said, okay,
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  Speaker 2: but if there's anything, you know.
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  Speaker 4: Has it ever been like, well, there is this one thing.
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  Speaker 1: It's kind of irritating when you say whatever.
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  Speaker 2: They have. They have. My son, I remember... I kept
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: walking by. I was like running like we do, zooming
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: around the place. Are you okay? Everything okay? I said, yeah, mom,
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  Speaker 2: I'm okay. And I said, buh-bye. I come back. You okay?
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: Everything okay?
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  Speaker 3: I said, yeah, mom, why are you asking me if
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  Speaker 3: I'm okay? You always ask me if I'm okay. It
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  Speaker 3: makes me worried that I'm not okay. I said, ah, okay.
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  Speaker 2: I'm going to change that because you're right. I didn't think.
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  Speaker 3: What I'm trying to say is, do you feel loved?
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  Speaker 3: And is there anything I can do for you?
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  Speaker 2: So now.
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  Speaker 3: I say that instead, or I say, you know, is
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: there anything I can do for you? Is everyone being nice?
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  Speaker 3: You know, I just turn it into something else. So
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: they do tell me, they don't always tell us when
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  Speaker 3: we want to know. They tell us when they're feeling it.
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  Speaker 3: So we have to be open.
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  Speaker 2: Oh yeah.
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  Speaker 1: My girls have taught me so much, you know, like
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  Speaker 1: open my eyes to so many things about myself that
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: I was like, Hmm, let me, I need to look
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: into that. I need to think about that a little.
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  Speaker 2: Because they're automatic, though. They're not.
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  Speaker 3: You know, we don't realize how many things we've picked.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: Up from our own parents, from.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: Right, right.
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  Speaker 3: Or just we... It becomes normal. We don't question our
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: behavior most of the time, you know? So our kids
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  Speaker 3: are so wonderful because they show us where we need
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: to adjust and align.
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: And it's humbling, but it's good. It is good.
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  Speaker 1: It is so good. Okay, if they could... If your
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: kids could... describe you in three words, what do you
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: think they would say? What are their three words? What
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: do you hope they would say?
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: I'm just going to go out there. They described it
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  Speaker 3: as loving. They're proud of me. They said they're proud
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  Speaker 3: of me, which makes me very happy.
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  Speaker 2: And what else? What else would they say?
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  Speaker 3: I'm feeling now, and it's maybe not the exact answer
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: to the question, that they're saying, Mom, we're good. It's
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: time for you to kind of get on with things.
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: And it's okay. Like, we're good.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: It's like when we tell our kids it's okay to
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: leave home. Like, they're kind of giving me the, Mom,
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: it's okay. Like, we're good.
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: You can do whatever you want and, you know, feel
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: confident in that.
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: That we, that they know they're loved.
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: I don't know how to describe it, but that's kind
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: of what I get it.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: What do you feel?
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: Okay. Accepting that they're okay.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: Like, do you feel good about like, okay, it's my time.
• 10:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it is.
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: And it's cool. It's cool. And it's happening naturally. So it's,
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: it's beautiful.
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: It is. It is.
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: I love that. Having grown children is, uh, it's a
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: whole new thing.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: It's, you know, it's like being.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: A mom for the first time when they're little, you
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: didn't know how to take care of them, keep them alive,
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: all the things you were supposed to know and do.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: And then as you start to parent adult children, it's
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: the same thing. Like what, what are my boundaries here?
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: Do I need to be step back or should I
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: step in? It's, you know, we don't know.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: Well, I think you become friends.
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: Because I don't know, I shouldn't say anybody, but in general,
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: I'm working on, I mean, to me, the most important
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: thing too is, yeah, I'm their parent, but I'm also
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: just a woman figuring out my life too. Like, so
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: like they're growing up and becoming adults and figuring out
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: their life too.
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: So we're all really.
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: And what I realized and what we realized is that,
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: you know, we're an old operating system.
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: So, okay.
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: Right. Like kind of, I mean, even though we.
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: Keep doing the upgrades, even.
• 12:11
  Speaker 4: Though you're doing the upgrades, are we still analog?
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: Is that what's happening here?
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: You know, we're like cassette tapes and like free iPhone.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: So we, you know, we were like in film. We did,
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: we worked on film. We didn't even, we weren't even
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: working with digital. So we, I just always think, okay,
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: they're the upgrade. So I, it's almost like the roles
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: shift in a way.
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  Speaker 3: And, I was talking to a friend of mine and
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: her son who's, you know, very babied, you know, by
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: his mom, you know.
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  Speaker 2: And I said, you know, it's your turn to now
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  Speaker 2: be the man.
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: Because he's like 19, 20. I said, it's your turn
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: to open the door for your mom. And it's your
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: turn to be the, you know, the roles are kind of,
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: you know, your mom's going to get older now and
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: you're stepping into being a man and what that means
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: to you.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: And how that feels, you know what I mean? So yeah.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: It really is.
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: They come in with the new intel, so it's really
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: good for us to listen.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: It's really good to listen and learn from them.
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: I always think like, oh, they're so much smarter than
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: I ever was.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: But they come in with the upgrades.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: I need to click, click on a update tonight or
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: whatever the, you know, how it always tells you you
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: need an upgrade and you're like, not right now, not
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: right now.
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: I want everybody to know about your new perfume, Rose Premier.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: This is very exciting. Why was creating a fragrance, the
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: right next chapter for you or just a piece of
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: a part of the next chapter for you? And what
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: did you, what did you want it to represent?
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: Well, the reason I did it is a friend asked
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: me to do it.
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: She used to be the head of perfume at Estée
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: Lauder for years. We were school gala moms at the
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: Lycée Francais in New York. So she's French. And so
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: she grew up around Grasse and all these places where
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: they make all these wonderful perfumes. She worked at Guerlain
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: and all these places. And so we've just stayed friends.
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: And she started her own brand, Veronique Abaye. and asked
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: if I want you to perfume, and I said, oh,
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: what a great idea, and then we started talking about it,
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: and I said, I'd like to do something rose-based, because
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: it's very divine feminine, yes, symbol of love, and it's
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: a really high frequency, so we went to grass, we
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: picked the roses, we're up at 7 a.m., because that's
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: when the roses are awake, the roses of May, and
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: they bloom, I think, just in May, so we had
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: this whole thing, and then she sent me a bunch
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: of samples, it was just You know, it's different to
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: put your name on a perfume, right? But it's another
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: thing to actually really make it and to really do
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: it and go to the place and have the whole experience.
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: And that's what was really so wonderful about it. And
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: doing it with a friend.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: So it was great. I love that. It just sort
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: of happened organically.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: Through a relationship you already had and it just felt good.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: And I do love that you went to the fields to...
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: see the roses in their bloom. That's so powerful.
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: It's incredible.
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: Well, you're inspirational lady. I mean, you've helped so many
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: people going through difficult times in their lives just by
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: leading by example of how to handle situations. And like
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: you said, just figuring it out as you go, not
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: fighting it and having this, you know, kind of beautiful
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: grace about yourself all the while. You've definitely inspired me.
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: Oh, ditto. Thank you.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: time with me and with everybody that's listening. But before
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: I let you go, Kelly Rutherford, what was your last
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: I choose me moment?
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: Moving. That's a big one. Moving. We're in the midst
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: of moving now.
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: I'm sitting on the sofa and there's boxes all around
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: me and deciding to move, to make a move.
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: So it's really, really cool.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: Exciting.
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: Are you moving to another country?
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: No, I'm not moving. Well, part-time, but no, we're still
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: going to be based here. But yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: Well, that's a great I Choose Me moment because so
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: much new can come into your life.
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's exciting.
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: Really is. Oh my gosh.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: Well, good luck with your move.
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: Oh, thank you so much. I'm so glad we did this.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: I know, finally. I hope I see you again very soon.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: Me too.
• 16:44
  Speaker 4: Big love.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: Okay. Thanks.