Latest / Lose the Plot with Carla and Emily / Unhinged by Vera Valentine - Open Wide... The 'Romance' We Regret Reading.

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Unhinged by Vera Valentine - Open Wide... The 'Romance' We Regret Reading. · Lose the Plot with Carla and Emily

• 0:00
  Hi friends, you're listening to Lose the Part with Carla and
• 0:03
  Emily. In this episode we're reading
• 0:05
  Unhinged and Erotic Tour Romance by Vera Valentine.
• 0:11
  We are talking about the entire book, so warning, there will be
• 0:14
  spoilers. I'm Carla, and I think you're
• 0:31
  allowed to steal a kiss. Sweetheart, I kind of buried
• 0:33
  your knob in my pussy like a few hours ago.
• 0:36
  Hey, here's some I was panic attacking.
• 0:49
  I'm Emily, and if I hadn't already been made of wood, I'd
• 0:52
  be stiff as a board at the site. Welcome to our very first ever
• 0:57
  mini side. This was a special request from
• 1:00
  friend of the podcast, Ali. Thanks so much for supporting
• 1:04
  us. Please don't send us any more
• 1:07
  wrecks. If you're listening to this,
• 1:08
  thank you. You're.
• 1:11
  Kidding. I loved it.
• 1:12
  Thanks for the support. If you have a suggestion, send
• 1:16
  it to us. Also send us a review.
• 1:19
  Five stars is preferable on any platform you're using.
• 1:24
  How does one begin? Let's begin with the meditation
• 1:27
  session. Let's begin with therapy.
• 1:29
  Yeah, let's literally begin. We need.
• 1:32
  To do like. Let's begin by oiling our
• 1:34
  hinges. Why did she use human Lube?
• 1:39
  Oh, wait, what? She's supposed to What else?
• 1:42
  Would she use? Sorry, I just got confused.
• 1:48
  OK, before we dive right in this delicious plot.
• 1:52
  Let's have. A look at the trigger warnings.
• 1:53
  Now these are straight from the book itself.
• 1:56
  OK, so they're all listed at the start.
• 1:58
  And honestly, my opinion about this list of trigger warning is
• 2:02
  you may as well tell us the whole plots this.
• 2:05
  I didn't even read it. Oh bro, it's like a whole page.
• 2:08
  So you ready? I'll just smash them out real
• 2:10
  quick. Starts up with the worst one.
• 2:14
  Sorry, I only just realized doorknob in session.
• 2:18
  That's what they started with. Well, you'd hope.
• 2:21
  Well, at least then you can just quit.
• 2:23
  You can read the first one and go This is fucked.
• 2:26
  Voyeurism. Allusion to man on woman
• 2:29
  violence. Woman killed, Breaking and
• 2:31
  entering, secret underwear theft.
• 2:33
  Food, drugging, alcohol use. Harassment.
• 2:36
  Allusions to an orgy with unprotected sex.
• 2:39
  Gun violence, shooting, death. Wood putty use.
• 2:42
  Sex to a use. Condom use.
• 2:44
  Police erotic humiliation. Lubricant use, female
• 2:48
  domination, male submission. You're right, you would not need
• 2:52
  to read the indictment for that. But also why is just police on
• 2:55
  its own are? You kidding?
• 2:59
  Wood putty is clearly the worst one.
• 3:02
  But like I I do remember that, But it wasn't in the context of
• 3:06
  sex. No, she was fixing the fucking.
• 3:09
  She was fixing a. I honestly think that this was
• 3:15
  just half of it. This is just bullshit.
• 3:18
  It is bullshit. But also, why is she a resident
• 3:22
  at #69? Why isn't she OK this?
• 3:27
  OK, look, this book. It's one of those books where I
• 3:31
  have more questions than answers.
• 3:33
  Oh, this book just opened up so many questions and it's nothing.
• 3:38
  It opened doors for me. It it opened everything.
• 3:42
  It opened. My eyes.
• 3:43
  Possibilities. It opened her pussy.
• 3:49
  It reminded me maybe I do need to move the door handle down a
• 3:52
  little lower. Yeah, a little.
• 3:54
  I'm kidding. Have you seen in some Tik toks
• 3:58
  how they have some Australian households and the door number
• 4:01
  is 75% up from the floor and you're just like?
• 4:05
  See my house here like that high.
• 4:09
  I love how I just reacted as if you were being dead ass.
• 4:13
  I'm like, I'm like. What's the?
• 4:15
  Bunnings and you're like, maybe we need to unpack this on
• 4:18
  another day, bro. I'm at Bunnings every weekend
• 4:20
  anyway. It's a great place to be.
• 4:22
  What's the problem? I know.
• 4:24
  So now if you're ever at Bunnings in the door department
• 4:27
  and you have a single lady perusing.
• 4:30
  Knobs you'll know. You'll know what she's there
• 4:32
  for. And a book of unhinged.
• 4:34
  This is going to casually fall out of her handbag.
• 4:36
  You're going to be like. Same bitch.
• 4:41
  Bunnings is rethinking their return policy on knobs right
• 4:47
  now. They're having their doors.
• 4:48
  They're having a meeting. Hinges.
• 4:52
  Maybe? Our main character, her name is
• 4:56
  Tanner and all I could do is think of 10 Emojo.
• 5:00
  I imagined her the whole book, and it made it so much better.
• 5:04
  I was like I I see it. I get it.
• 5:07
  It was described that she had a computer job.
• 5:12
  Where do I go get a little computer?
• 5:15
  Job a little Just a little girl. Computer job little.
• 5:18
  Fun computer job. Little girly computer job.
• 5:20
  Where do I go get that? Fuck having a career.
• 5:23
  Oh no, just give me that computer job.
• 5:26
  But to be fair, it was all from the perspective.
• 5:28
  Of the door, so the door didn't know.
• 5:31
  Much about she's out here like hacking fucking billionaires.
• 5:35
  And I'm like that little girly computer job.
• 5:39
  I don't even. I just want to understand how he
• 5:41
  can revert his eyes to the back of the door.
• 5:45
  How does he have eyes? Is it the peephole?
• 5:47
  And that's his eyes. And he he's just his eye.
• 5:49
  Sorry, is he a cyclops? Well, now I have.
• 5:53
  He has like a sensory he. He has senses, so he has a.
• 5:58
  Yeah, because he loves the green eyes.
• 6:00
  Where is it? It's just increased in the wood.
• 6:04
  I don't get how. OK, how did his special tree
• 6:07
  would turn into this exact door in just a random shitty
• 6:11
  apartment? I mean, this is a medical door.
• 6:14
  You know, apparently that one God, Zeus.
• 6:20
  Yeah. Fucked a tree.
• 6:22
  And now we're here. Just his dad.
• 6:24
  Yeah, it was Zeus. Oh, OK.
• 6:26
  I thought it was just a normal work.
• 6:28
  No, no. Zeus cracked a tree, he said.
• 6:32
  He was talking about how attractive this little knot hole
• 6:38
  and why did his dad just how did the dad track him down?
• 6:42
  Magic. I love how Zeus is still just a
• 6:46
  deadbeat dad. Like what is going on?
• 6:49
  But he's stepped on up. He's a deadbeat door dad, but,
• 6:53
  like, should it. Zeus is the father of Hercules.
• 6:57
  Yeah, and a variety. Of other gods or whatever,
• 7:00
  right? And a door and.
• 7:02
  The most you can do for this door is.
• 7:04
  Broke off. Just feel like, Oh yeah, you've
• 7:07
  got to get this chick to fuck you cool?
• 7:09
  Yeah. Thanks.
• 7:11
  If I was a door and I had morals, I wouldn't even do
• 7:14
  anything about it. I'd be like I'm a doors.
• 7:15
  Forever true. That's a choice, yeah, and
• 7:19
  that's a choice I would happily make.
• 7:21
  I wish he still had those grungy, like, boys in there or
• 7:25
  something. The guys that didn't.
• 7:27
  Care. Do you really think he'd be
• 7:29
  turning into a real person if he had these shitty roommate dudes
• 7:33
  living in there still? He might do someone up the boot
• 7:38
  hole. As he likes to.
• 7:39
  Say the boot hole, but anyway, he's he's already infatuated
• 7:45
  with Tanner because she's been the best.
• 7:48
  What would you call her, Gentle tenant?
• 7:51
  He's not even the landlord. She has some gentle caresses of
• 7:55
  his knob. Imagine getting a knob gently
• 7:58
  caressed daily. Can't say I could imagine that.
• 8:02
  Also, you know how she had such a gentle touch?
• 8:05
  Why was she fucking sliding down the door all the time in her
• 8:09
  silk? Page if anything reading.
• 8:11
  This book. Made me question.
• 8:13
  My doors, I was like, is there anywhere that women are safe
• 8:18
  because? When you're looking at your door
• 8:19
  like do I need to get rid of the whole house?
• 8:23
  Do. We burn it down.
• 8:24
  But like, how many more toxically masculine things do we
• 8:28
  need? Why?
• 8:28
  Can't we just live? Because did you know that you
• 8:31
  know the Robovacs? Oh God, with the They've got a
• 8:34
  camera and built. A lot of them have a camera in
• 8:36
  there and they were found to be taking footage when they were
• 8:40
  just cleaning people's houses. So people are on the dunny.
• 8:42
  People are getting changed and this footage could be hacked by
• 8:45
  people. So I'm like, no, you're probably
• 8:47
  not safe. I love that.
• 8:50
  I love that for us. Thank.
• 8:53
  God, I'm too poor to. Afford life.
• 8:55
  Thank God I'm too poor to have cameras everywhere.
• 9:00
  You know what though? And made me think about my
• 9:02
  relationship with my front door. And to be honest, it's just me
• 9:06
  swearing because I accidentally devulged it every fucking time.
• 9:10
  So I'm like, I just want to get inside the fucking gas.
• 9:12
  My door hates me. Guaranteed.
• 9:14
  I slam my friend door. Yeah, so old.
• 9:16
  It's so stiff you have to slam it to close it.
• 9:21
  Maybe he likes. Maybe she loves a little dummy.
• 9:25
  Mommy, please let me some more. Stop it.
• 9:29
  Your old door is like yes, she's gently cressing her breasts on
• 9:37
  the door every 5 minutes. She's just looking through the
• 9:39
  pit pole. So like any other man, they're
• 9:43
  just breathing into it. Wrong.
• 9:45
  I'm like, OK, she's just. Being nice.
• 9:48
  She's just being normal. She's just existing.
• 9:50
  Literally just existing. I mean, if she knew it was a
• 9:52
  man, she probably wouldn't be aggressively against true
• 9:56
  people. Well, exactly.
• 10:00
  So yeah, so this comes along and explains that he banged a tree
• 10:04
  hole. And already I was like making it
• 10:09
  easier you. Know like this is not making the
• 10:13
  plot better. No it's not making sense but at
• 10:16
  this point I understood that it was paranormal because at first
• 10:19
  I was just like was he a person previously?
• 10:23
  Is this a 13 going on door situation?
• 10:26
  Oh my God, it's not the way I thought it would go. 13 going on
• 10:31
  30. But Door edition or Freaky
• 10:33
  Friday Door Edition? The Prince like frog My God, the
• 10:38
  Princess and the door, No. The Princess and the pea.
• 10:41
  The Princess and the knob knob. Like, my God, we should go
• 10:48
  there. Sliding shitting down the.
• 10:50
  Door. Yeah, slipping, sliding,
• 10:52
  shitting down the door. You know what's funny though?
• 10:56
  How's? The door.
• 10:58
  It realizes that, right? The dad comes and he says, bro,
• 11:02
  you got to bang this chick so you can turn into a guy so you
• 11:04
  can protect her. Just fucking stay in a door.
• 11:08
  You're going to protect her better than having an open eyes.
• 11:10
  Way, you fucking idiot. Well, better yet, just turn him
• 11:15
  into a person turn. Who?
• 11:18
  The dad Zeus turn the door into a person that would involve less
• 11:23
  door sex. Though that's true.
• 11:25
  That's what we're here for. Not willingly.
• 11:28
  I thought the tree was magical and it was a normal guy that
• 11:32
  fucked the magical. Tree.
• 11:34
  There's this many magical doors this out in this universe, yes.
• 11:40
  How did her door be the only solid oak door in the entire
• 11:44
  uniform? I mean, and this is a cheap unit
• 11:46
  block. There's no solid oak in that.
• 11:50
  Exactly. Destiny if I was that door.
• 11:55
  But wait, I'm not even trying to.
• 11:57
  Say I don't. Know Jesus Christ, if you're the
• 12:05
  door, how many powers does he have as the door?
• 12:08
  Because he could feel things but he can't talk to her.
• 12:11
  So I think the problem was he couldn't.
• 12:12
  Tell her that old mate Randall. Come on with the name.
• 12:16
  Like Randall, he's clearly the problem.
• 12:19
  I just want to know how the store's seen him drag some
• 12:22
  person all the way to the woods. Like where's where are you?
• 12:25
  Positioned, Sir. He can't see shit except the
• 12:29
  other side of the hallway, and he's acting like he's so Randall
• 12:33
  to the hall. He's.
• 12:34
  Acting like he doesn't stare at a brick wall all.
• 12:37
  Day the door just floats away and can look, I don't know.
• 12:42
  I don't know what is going on, it's.
• 12:44
  Like the Little Sun baby out of Teletubbies.
• 12:51
  He's like, hold on, I'll just chat all into another door real
• 12:53
  quick. I'll be right back, but the door
• 12:56
  has insight into the underworld as well.
• 12:58
  Though. But this room has insight into
• 13:02
  the underworld. It can fucking see old mate
• 13:04
  Randall. Like Zeus, it's like Uncle Hades
• 13:07
  to see how you are, knowing that she was off in the woods by
• 13:12
  Randy, so he comes to her in a dream because that's how.
• 13:15
  He can get there, yeah, yeah, he can talk to her in the dream.
• 13:19
  So just tell her in the dream that old man Randall's the
• 13:21
  problem, so that she can call the police tomorrow.
• 13:24
  Problem solved. Tell her a door.
• 13:26
  Sex involved? Yeah, tell her to move.
• 13:28
  How selfish? Of this door the most selfish.
• 13:32
  How dare he want his knob fondled right by Tenner, But
• 13:36
  he's already getting his knob fondled anyway.
• 13:40
  That's assault. Honestly, she's she's, you know,
• 13:46
  she's unwillingly being assaulted daily.
• 13:48
  She's unwillingly performing hand jobs.
• 13:51
  Daily. And then he's daily.
• 13:55
  Twice a day? Three times a day.
• 13:59
  You know she can't. Even if he's squeaking.
• 14:01
  She can't even play all the hinges without him getting off.
• 14:04
  Are you kidding? I love in my notes.
• 14:10
  I just skipped the entire point where she came on board with the
• 14:13
  idea. Because she woke up the next day
• 14:15
  in a flurry, like looking at the door sideways, like, wait, and
• 14:21
  then she's like. What's the harm in fucking the
• 14:24
  door? She's like, it could go wrong.
• 14:27
  Best case he turns into a pert. Like that's fucking.
• 14:31
  What if he's the worst door ever?
• 14:33
  What if he came? Out Look, I'm like Kosimodo,
• 14:36
  Then what? How are you supposed to?
• 14:40
  Say now I've got no door to protect myself from the fucking
• 14:44
  doorman. What is he going to do?
• 14:46
  He can barely walk. In the I can protect you as he
• 14:52
  falls over himself. But he.
• 14:54
  Can't give. Me, the E Cologne.
• 14:58
  Is it sexy if they give you the ick though?
• 15:00
  She's had a dry spell, so the only.
• 15:04
  People to be real dry, Yeah. The only people frothing around
• 15:07
  her are like, Randall. What kind of name is Driss?
• 15:11
  It's Dries. Sorry, I.
• 15:15
  Don't know if it's Dris or Dries.
• 15:16
  I'm like, well, Idris Driss. Idris Idris Alba is who the
• 15:21
  celebrity was. He could have picked any other
• 15:23
  name. He could have been a Jacob for
• 15:26
  all I know. Yeah, J name is appropriate.
• 15:28
  I just. Feel the toxic entitlement to
• 15:31
  her pussy. Like I just the more we got into
• 15:37
  it, the less I knew how I love. That she's like talking herself
• 15:42
  up to fuck the door. She's like, oh, well, we just
• 15:46
  did something fun to say I did on the random Tuesday.
• 15:48
  Night, bitch. How do you get into the fucking
• 15:53
  ankles? You have to come help you touch
• 15:55
  your fucking pussied up. Fucking upside down on the door.
• 15:58
  You just come demount me from the door, it's fine.
• 16:01
  And then she's in a fucking anonymous group for sex
• 16:05
  addiction or some shit. She's like, yeah, I just started
• 16:08
  fucking the doorknob. They're going to literally send
• 16:11
  her away to a padded room without a knob.
• 16:14
  They're like we. Have to make adjustments for
• 16:16
  this leg. You never know, the locks might
• 16:18
  get her off too. I just.
• 16:21
  I don't even. So she works up, works up, she
• 16:23
  works up. She's like, what's?
• 16:25
  The. Home.
• 16:27
  Anyway, that's how I mentioned she talks.
• 16:29
  And then she goes gets her fucking condoms and loom.
• 16:32
  I mean, at least she was. She thought enough about her
• 16:36
  pussy. Like the bacteria and her
• 16:39
  vagina. We don't get enough of that.
• 16:41
  Ever, do we? She also sanitized it.
• 16:44
  She didn't want any yeast infection.
• 16:45
  She's a smart girl. She's a smart girly.
• 16:47
  Only so far. She's like, at least if the
• 16:50
  Amber's come, I don't look like. A full idiot, she goes.
• 17:00
  At least I protected from door babies.
• 17:03
  They won't need to offer no birth control.
• 17:05
  They won't send me to the looney bin at all.
• 17:07
  No, but the best part was when he started talking to the.
• 17:11
  Door like it wasn't even confirmed yet.
• 17:14
  And she's like, look, please don't take this personal that
• 17:17
  I'm putting a condom on you. It's.
• 17:19
  A door. I'm sorry.
• 17:23
  Be lucky. Unlock yourself just to test it
• 17:26
  out so you don't end up fucking the door.
• 17:29
  There's SO. Many other ways just going down
• 17:32
  send me a sign that this isn't in vain.
• 17:37
  Especially when she was like, I'm assuming this is consent, so
• 17:40
  just don't jiggle your hinges. Well, she should have been like,
• 17:42
  jiggle your hinges if you can. She was determined she was
• 17:48
  creating her own. Yeah, she got herself a little
• 17:51
  bit drunk though, didn't she? Yeah, wine drunk.
• 17:54
  We love a good wine trunk. It's where all our poor
• 17:57
  decisions are made. I think I dissociated during the
• 18:01
  sex scene because I didn't include.
• 18:03
  It in the notes at all. Well, she used a vibrator first,
• 18:09
  and then she just turned herself around on that Ottoman and just
• 18:13
  backed it up. Honestly, we're really
• 18:15
  traumatizing ourself for the greater good here.
• 18:17
  So if anyone listens to this instead of having to read these
• 18:20
  kind of books, fucking you owe us an amount of money for
• 18:23
  therapy. Well, you are, Carla.
• 18:25
  This sticks my brain in a funny way.
• 18:26
  It itches an itch, like in a funny way.
• 18:29
  Like, no. I get it.
• 18:31
  In a mentally insane way. What do you reckon the knob
• 18:35
  looks like? Chunky.
• 18:38
  You don't mind the knob? Look at it.
• 18:41
  It's a fucking lever. Nobody's.
• 18:43
  Nobody's fucking that gone. Are we talking just circular?
• 18:47
  A round knob. Or are we talking like the old
• 18:51
  people? Little knobs?
• 18:52
  He gives little knob energy. Right, It just because he's not
• 18:59
  ugly hot. He's like hot hot.
• 19:01
  That's like little knob energy. Yeah.
• 19:03
  Or is it like the crystal door knobs Stop it.
• 19:08
  Stop it. That's a full granny knob.
• 19:09
  That's a very feminine knob. Yeah, true, I can't.
• 19:12
  I'm thinking like the Chrome round kind of modern.
• 19:16
  Maybe just your standard generic knob?
• 19:19
  Unit knob, yeah. You know how you just go to
• 19:22
  random places in your area and it's just you don't want to
• 19:27
  drive into that place because you might get robbed?
• 19:30
  That kind of knob. Honestly, I don't know where I
• 19:37
  am or where I'm going with this. That's Okay.
• 19:40
  That's Okay. Let's just say it's a standard
• 19:42
  round knob. OK, so she fucks a knob, it is
• 19:45
  what it is. And then she just hops off the
• 19:46
  knob and goes, well, I did a thing and then she runs off and
• 19:50
  has a shower. Yeah, and just like, guess it
• 19:52
  didn't work. Oh well.
• 19:54
  Oh well. You know, she was like.
• 19:57
  Happy. About that, No, no, she was just
• 19:59
  she was probably like going to do this tomorrow.
• 20:03
  A silly, goofy time. And then, and then while she's
• 20:07
  in the shower and everything, he sort of materializes into this
• 20:10
  hottie. Hot, hot, hot, hot.
• 20:12
  Potato, Yeah, man. With massive Dick.
• 20:15
  Like always. Yeah, swinging and playing Knob
• 20:18
  energy became big knob energy. Yeah, what if the neighbor came
• 20:22
  home when he was just naked, knob swinging?
• 20:24
  What if he's ass is so hairy that that's all Randall Seed?
• 20:30
  The person across from her looking through the peephole to
• 20:33
  this, she wasn't quiet. She was loud.
• 20:36
  She was. She was vibrating loudly next to
• 20:39
  the door, but it was like late every night.
• 20:43
  Time. People have lives.
• 20:45
  You never know, do they? Do they?
• 20:47
  They're only watching their shows or something.
• 20:50
  Machine guns gone off and on. I might just think, OK, so now
• 20:53
  there's an empty door, right? Yeah.
• 20:56
  Now she's unsafe, which is the problem.
• 20:59
  Which is like her being unsafe. Yeah, exactly.
• 21:01
  And now they have to fucking Uber eats a door to their house.
• 21:04
  How convenient that that's the thing.
• 21:08
  This is why she shouldn't have fucked the door in the 1st
• 21:10
  place. You're better off just going and
• 21:12
  buying a deadbolt, you idiot. Oh yeah.
• 21:14
  I drew a whole lot to. Him.
• 21:17
  She doesn't know it's actually a door.
• 21:20
  At that point, she didn't have to believe it.
• 21:22
  Do you know what would happen if I believed every dream I had?
• 21:26
  I don't know how far she went mental hospital.
• 21:30
  I don't know what level you're on when you dreamed you know
• 21:33
  what? Also, I thought the condom would
• 21:35
  kind of ruin the spell. Nah, because they're not really
• 21:40
  interacting. I thought so too, don't you
• 21:43
  think? Yeah, like when he didn't
• 21:46
  immediately change, I was like, oh, maybe it's because of the
• 21:48
  condom. Yeah, but you know, safety
• 21:50
  first, yeah. But don't need no old mate used
• 21:54
  to call him when he fucked that knob.
• 21:56
  I mean the whole, that's what I mean.
• 22:00
  Why did we need a trigger for condom and Lou?
• 22:02
  But also I totally understand. It makes sense and no sense at
• 22:07
  the same time. Like why is it a trigger?
• 22:09
  I needed a trigger for the whole book, but clearly it was sad.
• 22:12
  I just skimmed past it. Why it's so specific?
• 22:15
  I'm the problem. Trigger for condoms and Lube?
• 22:18
  Trigger for safe sex. Just in case that's.
• 22:20
  Safe sex triggering. That's what I'm confused about.
• 22:24
  It should be the opposite. Maybe I feel like it should be
• 22:27
  unconsenting. Yeah, that's what I mean.
• 22:30
  I just can't get over how he didn't know how to walk, but he
• 22:34
  didn't know how to put up a door.
• 22:37
  Yeah, in the time it took for the door to arrive, and also the
• 22:41
  delivery driver of the door, the delivery man assumed that he was
• 22:46
  the husband and he got all warm and fuzzy and I was like, oh,
• 22:49
  you've been alive for five seconds.
• 22:50
  You could not be more picky. Do you reckon he actually knew
• 22:53
  how to sign? What if he had strawed like a
• 22:56
  reap, he just literally scribbled because he didn't know
• 22:59
  how to write? It'd be so funny if he just
• 23:00
  scribbled a penis. I want to know how they're going
• 23:05
  to pull him off as a real person.
• 23:08
  I mean, wait, later the dad comes and gives him?
• 23:10
  Yeah, yeah. Conveniently gives him all the
• 23:12
  documents. I mean, how convenient that he's
• 23:14
  come from Greece. He's 32 years old.
• 23:17
  Yeah, what the hell. With money.
• 23:20
  Don't get me started. Why are we trying to make this
• 23:23
  realistic at the end? Shut up.
• 23:26
  I just want to know if there's people out there.
• 23:28
  That read this legitly, what might happen a full mass to?
• 23:32
  It yeah, is that if you did, juice is crushed.
• 23:37
  Somehow want to know and don't want to know a single thing
• 23:41
  about it, how to help you? You're like I can't.
• 23:46
  Help you and I'm like but can you tell me if you did?
• 23:50
  I don't want to know details true, so I'm into our dooms.
• 23:54
  Actually, don't because. Don't.
• 23:56
  That's a bit aggressive, invasive and I'm sorry, but him
• 24:01
  being excited, that was the biggest, most pick me thing
• 24:04
  because now his whole life is to be her bodyguard and personal
• 24:06
  assistant and I'm down for that. If that was the plot, I would
• 24:10
  almost forgive the Dorset. And how was he?
• 24:12
  So woke. You know what I.
• 24:17
  Mean How did. He sit kind.
• 24:20
  Of that solid oak coming in, understanding women easily.
• 24:25
  Because he's not joke. He just got every woman's
• 24:27
  problem immediately, he. Just gets it.
• 24:30
  He just gets it. He's out here doing all the
• 24:34
  work. Actually, he's just Ken.
• 24:37
  Don't you think he epitomizes just being?
• 24:41
  He's just being Ken enough for his girl.
• 24:44
  That's it. I love that just enough.
• 24:47
  He's just enough and he's like, I can just practically be your
• 24:50
  house bitch and cook you food and be your security guard.
• 24:55
  And why would she need anything? Else the bare minimum.
• 24:59
  But why would she need anything else?
• 25:00
  You could still technically live there.
• 25:01
  That's a slave, because that's a slave and I'm like.
• 25:06
  All right, I'm like, that's a slave.
• 25:08
  And I'm like, oops, not me wanting a slave.
• 25:15
  No, we. Want what we want?
• 25:17
  Not me. Not seeing a problem with that,
• 25:19
  but what else is he going to do? Not be a job.
• 25:24
  He can, though. With a Walker when they were in
• 25:28
  Walmart, he was totally. Telling me he's drawing his job.
• 25:32
  Them cheeks for wobbling actually put track pants on him,
• 25:36
  and every woman in the tri-state area wanted a puss.
• 25:40
  You know, apparently. OK, it was probably track pants,
• 25:44
  but the fact that he's wearing pink sandaly shoes, they were
• 25:47
  probably concerned about the fucking crack head that was
• 25:50
  shirtless at Walmart. You're telling me?
• 25:53
  That they were hot. You don't look like a crack head
• 25:56
  if you're hot, even if you're on the most crack.
• 25:58
  That's not a thing. It is a thing, although if
• 26:05
  anyone's seen that Cara Delevingne video they will
• 26:08
  disagree. She's terribly sick model, and
• 26:11
  she will. Crack down.
• 26:11
  Yeah, yeah. She's not having a good time.
• 26:17
  The fact that the good sis Tanner just accepted him into
• 26:20
  her life, she's like. Yeah, cool.
• 26:23
  She was at all for it. She was in love with the door.
• 26:25
  She just reciprocated because she was in the biggest dry
• 26:28
  spell. And I guess you're comparing him
• 26:31
  to the entire dating pool. And it's just the easier option.
• 26:35
  At. This point?
• 26:35
  He's not cheating on you. If anything, he's so concerned
• 26:40
  about the doorknobs friendly. Plus, he's not cheating on you,
• 26:44
  though he was very concerned about other knobs.
• 26:47
  Yeah, he made sure to pick a knob.
• 26:49
  That was not the same when they were picked.
• 26:53
  But how does Randall not know about what's going on?
• 26:55
  He literally did. He message or call her and say,
• 26:58
  I hear you've got a big package and I've got.
• 27:00
  Message experience with big packages or something?
• 27:03
  He messaged. I'm surprised he didn't Sprint
• 27:05
  his way over there to see what was going on.
• 27:08
  Maybe he I just assume he's like.
• 27:12
  Unfit. Fat.
• 27:13
  Sweaty off Murdering somebody else?
• 27:16
  Maybe. Yeah, Slimy.
• 27:18
  Yeah, receding. You know, the villains, the
• 27:26
  villain, get there in time. What the fuck is he doing
• 27:30
  getting a hair transplant somewhere?
• 27:33
  Trying to grow hair? What do you?
• 27:35
  Mean. He's putting all his energy.
• 27:41
  Look, this was a short book, so I'm going to forgive the fact
• 27:44
  that they just went with Randall being the bad guy, because it's
• 27:46
  just so easy. There was no twists.
• 27:48
  There was no turns. There was enough going.
• 27:49
  On Nah. He just broke in, tried to
• 27:52
  poison her. That was weird.
• 27:55
  Sorry. Do that to the juice.
• 27:58
  Not the good expense of orange juice.
• 28:00
  What did it ever do to? What if she wanted to fuck the
• 28:03
  juice? We don't know where she's at.
• 28:11
  Is it a jug or is it a bottle? So old mate, all my jizz.
• 28:17
  All my jizz Dries. I nearly called him jizz.
• 28:21
  Same difference all my Dries warned her about the juice and
• 28:26
  he also said he's been stealing your crusty, dusty panties for a
• 28:29
  while too. And then she just trusted him.
• 28:32
  Would you trust your door just because it turned into a person?
• 28:35
  What? If someone just took off the
• 28:36
  door and just stood there naked, yeah.
• 28:39
  Literally, it could be a cuckoo banana person.
• 28:44
  I don't know how we got into her dreams, but but she was just
• 28:47
  like, we're having just a goofy fun time.
• 28:49
  They were having actual sex. Yes, as people.
• 28:52
  As people. For why she's just like he's my.
• 28:56
  That's it now built in Gigolo fucking home husband.
• 29:00
  For life, that was. For life it's just great because
• 29:06
  the murderer, if he happened to walk past her whole way and
• 29:09
  notice the missing door, she would be so.
• 29:11
  Far easy option, but anyway, he installed the door.
• 29:14
  They got closed. Where would the police in all of
• 29:16
  this? Wouldn't you call the police,
• 29:18
  they? Should have done that first, but
• 29:20
  they were too busy trying to parade him around in Walmart.
• 29:23
  You should have called the police.
• 29:25
  That made it that he turned into a person.
• 29:27
  Maybe they would just assume that the police would be
• 29:30
  offended that he's shirtless he. Couldn't run.
• 29:35
  And he has the hairiest nipples, But they're acting with no
• 29:39
  urgency whatsoever to this matter of stay in a motel, at
• 29:42
  least. Yeah, she's got a computer job.
• 29:45
  She's got some income. Like, surely she can pay to stay
• 29:49
  down the road. She's got enough income to go
• 29:51
  splurge it on this doorman. Exactly.
• 29:53
  So why aren't you at least staying in a hotel?
• 29:56
  They're like, you know what? Let's just stay here while we're
• 29:58
  in danger. That's never worked.
• 30:01
  Hardly for anybody. Yeah, so none of this plot was
• 30:03
  making any sense. It's not supposed to, but at
• 30:06
  least try to solve the murder. Like, the reason why he turned
• 30:10
  into a person was to solve the fact that Tanner was going to be
• 30:14
  the next victim, right? Yeah, that was the whole
• 30:16
  purpose. So don't just drop the purpose
• 30:17
  because he's got a real life fleshy Dick.
• 30:20
  But am I asking for too much? Yes, she was digmatized.
• 30:23
  She was digmatized. She's like, anyway, enough about
• 30:25
  she. Was Dormatized?
• 30:27
  Dormatized. She was lobotomized.
• 30:31
  Probably after you hide the Lube, condoms, and whatever else
• 30:35
  you've got in the door vicinity before calling the police.
• 30:39
  They're just like, what the fuck happened here?
• 30:40
  Yeah. What?
• 30:41
  What is going on? What is it?
• 30:45
  Yeah, there was some weird like I she was domming him.
• 30:49
  Yes, and she was like. She was a dummy, Mommy.
• 30:52
  Yeah, he was a good boy. A good door.
• 30:57
  A good door boy. If you don't question it, it
• 30:59
  just flows so easily. I think fuck this is only 70
• 31:04
  something pages because like I just if this was flushed out
• 31:07
  through a full story I would have.
• 31:08
  Died I. I don't know how they got 71
• 31:12
  pages. Yeah, I don't know either.
• 31:14
  I don't know either. I want to know how she explained
• 31:17
  the fucking door sitting on Randall's with a bullet hole in
• 31:21
  it. She throw a door, trying to
• 31:23
  figure out the all of the sex scenes.
• 31:25
  What happens every full moon? He changes back into a door.
• 31:27
  Yes, So she's got to fuck the door again.
• 31:30
  Every month and she's she's happy about we're so on the same
• 31:37
  wavelength. It's just like.
• 31:39
  What if at one point, she decided to change the doorknob?
• 31:44
  What if she out in her computer job world, met a real man?
• 31:48
  She would just wait till he turns back into door, cheat on
• 31:51
  his ass, and then just never fuck his knob.
• 31:53
  Again, what is he going to do? And he has to.
• 31:55
  Just watch. She's already got a new door, so
• 31:57
  she doesn't even have to install him.
• 31:59
  She could just send him to the wood chipper.
• 32:01
  Yeah, that's my ending. Easy easy breed like.
• 32:07
  Squeezy. Yeah, but she enjoyed it.
• 32:10
  But where is the? She was like, thank God, because
• 32:13
  we would have had to go to Bunnings and get our own knob
• 32:16
  knob alone. But what happens if they do get
• 32:19
  pregnant? Is that the?
• 32:20
  Sequel. Do they turn into little doors
• 32:25
  when she goes for her ultrasound?
• 32:27
  Will it just be a door? Will it just be a knob?
• 32:31
  Little knob. Baby that then grows into a
• 32:33
  door. What if it's girl?
• 32:35
  A little latch baby. So many possibilities.
• 32:40
  We're probably giving the author ideas when she was worried about
• 32:43
  getting pregnant. She's like, oh, I'm not.
• 32:45
  I'm scared of having little trap doors, trap doors, trap doors.
• 32:49
  I miss that. That must have been when my mind
• 32:52
  was reeling, OK? The big conflict was obviously.
• 32:58
  Randal. Wait, was it his gun?
• 33:00
  Yeah, Randall tried to shoot her and then dress.
• 33:04
  Just jumped in the way like the little good door.
• 33:07
  He is turn into a door again. Yeah.
• 33:09
  The gun for some reason turned him into a door.
• 33:12
  Yeah. And then that's where the wood
• 33:14
  putty was involved. Yeah.
• 33:16
  I mean, if it's that easy to fix a bullet hole, but why did it
• 33:19
  take shooting him to become a door again when it takes sex to
• 33:22
  make him under the Commodore? Maybe.
• 33:24
  I don't know. That's kind of convenient
• 33:26
  though, because then you kind of.
• 33:27
  Just whack him with your Yeah, right.
• 33:30
  Dab him when he annoys you. So if you were out and you got
• 33:33
  hit at a pedestrian crossing, you just turned into a ball.
• 33:35
  That would be so traumatizing for the person.
• 33:40
  I'm the door now just gets wrong.
• 33:43
  And she's like, just hold up. I can't.
• 33:44
  I don't have the strength to carry him down the street.
• 33:46
  I'm just going to fuck him in the middle of the road.
• 33:50
  I just. Could you imagine her just,
• 33:52
  like, squatted randomly in the world?
• 33:54
  Like, just give me a minute and just give me.
• 33:55
  It's like that scene from Bridesmaids where she's shitting
• 33:57
  herself on the street under the yeah, fucking the door.
• 34:01
  Yep, at that point, she's probably a pro.
• 34:03
  It won't even matter. She'll just pop that sucker
• 34:05
  right in. Slip in and out.
• 34:07
  No load needed, I just don't know.
• 34:11
  One in. Who wrote?
• 34:13
  This Vera. Vera, please.
• 34:18
  Are you OK? She is.
• 34:20
  I mean, I. Get that?
• 34:21
  She's not. To be fair in her About the
• 34:24
  author, it says she lives with her husband, 8 cats and two
• 34:27
  dogs. I feel like that explains
• 34:29
  everything. That explains all I need to
• 34:32
  know. I have no more notes.
• 34:36
  That's it. That there's nothing else to
• 34:38
  say. I don't know how to digest.
• 34:41
  She got a hot man. Yeah, that's rich now.
• 34:47
  Yeah. Why?
• 34:47
  Was he rich again? Zeus just Zeus as we answer that
• 34:51
  reduce. Gave him some fat cash to go
• 34:56
  with his fat Dick. Some fat stacks.
• 35:01
  Look, we're gonna have to write it.
• 35:05
  What are we writing it out of? Oily hinges.
• 35:09
  Oily hinges. It is how many oily hinges out
• 35:13
  of five. Don't feel like it is.
• 35:17
  Don't you dare be like 4. I'm just going to lose it on
• 35:20
  you. It's like, I feel like it needs
• 35:23
  two different ratings as a book, zero as entertainment value at
• 35:29
  least a two. Yeah.
• 35:31
  So what I give it is one because I can't technically do zero,
• 35:33
  right. Yeah.
• 35:34
  Yeah. So one out of.
• 35:35
  Five, yeah. Yeah, a for individuality though
• 35:39
  Yeah, a for unique concept. A + + a + + 4.
• 35:43
  You could not pluck this out of anyone else's head.
• 35:45
  No, so. Good on you guys.
• 35:47
  Someone should pluck it out of mine.
• 35:49
  Yeah, take it away. Take it.
• 35:51
  Oh wait. Take it away.
• 35:52
  Take it away. Take it away now.
• 35:54
  Please, we need that thing from men in black every time we
• 35:58
  finish reading something traumatic.
• 36:00
  I hope you enjoyed this mini sod.
• 36:02
  Any any last words? Nope.
• 36:05
  No. Nope.
• 36:07
  OK, then. Thanks for joining us on Lose
• 36:09
  the Plot with Carla and Emily. Don't forget to rate us five
• 36:12
  stars. And subscribe if you enjoyed
• 36:14
  slide into our DMS on TikTok. Or Instagram Lose the Plot
• 36:17
  Podcast.