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115: Overcoming Challenges & Building Community w/ Nikki Jacobs · Harder Than Life

• 0:07
  I'm Kelly Siegel, and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business, and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living.
• 0:22
  Today on the Haunted Life Podcast, we're joined by a truly remarkable, remarkable individual, Nikki Fane Jacobs. Nikki is a natural connector, bridging relationships and building communities in every area of her life. As a broker in the cannabis industry, she brings people together from farmers to buyers with a genuine focus on fostering relationships and supporting growth. With a degree in theater and a film from Columbia, California.
• 0:49
  Nikki's heart beats for creative expression. She's an actress, singer, dancer, an all-around artist. Inspired by the stage of life, as Shakespeare says, all the world's a stage. Beyond her work and her creativity, Nikki values family, friends, and the simple yet profound joy of life, healthy living, good love, healing energy, and staying active. She's someone whose positive energy shines through, and we're excited to share her story and her insights today on Harder Than Life. Welcome, my friend.
• 1:18
  Thank you so much, Kelly. Sorry for the long intro, but I just wanted the world to know who you are. So I want to start off with a very simple and easy question. It's like, why'd you want to be on the Heart and Life podcast with me today?
• 1:31
  Well, I really was touched by your book. And I think that the episodes that I've listened to so far have been really amazing. And I wanted to share any wonderful wisdom or, you know, any anything that would would lend itself to the philosophy of harder than life.
• 1:55
  So you're a connector in both your work and life. What does it mean to you to be a quote unquote connector and how does it impact your relationships? Great question. So a connector, um, by definition is connecting people to other people or people to things or experiences. And I think naturally it's, um,
• 2:22
  I've always been someone who likes to connect people and connect opportunities. It's just a natural place and space for me. And I think...
• 2:39
  You know, there's a lot of people that I know. And if someone comes to me and says, hey, do you have, do you know someone who's this or that? And I go, yes, I know the perfect person. And so I love, I love matchmaking. It's like the go-giver. And it's about like value relationships over any money. And, you know, I don't ever, ever, ever feel when I'm around you that you want anything.
• 3:08
  It's a great feeling. That's why I love being in your energy. It's why, you know, most people don't know who you are. And I'm like, come on, I got part of the podcast. We'll share your love with the, with the world. That's really cool. I love that. That's very, that's amazing. And I think it's no coincidence that since you're a broker in the cannabis industry,
• 3:25
  You're a connector because it opens. Cannabis is known to open the heart and the mind, but you bridge the gap between farmers and buyers. How did you get involved? You, this most amazing person, how'd you get involved in this field and what drives your passion for it? Cause you would not know that you're in the, the weed business. Yeah.
• 3:44
  It's so funny. I was talking to my uncle about this. It's just so unusual that I'm in this space and that I'm thriving in this space and that I'm no longer in fitness and I'm in the best shape of my life. It's Murphy's Law. So basically...
• 4:02
  I, right after COVID, I had the studio SLT, which you came to that one time. And I, my mom passed away, my dad passed away, and then I shifted gears and
• 4:18
  And I said to my uncle, who's my mom's brother, really a strong force in my world. And I was like, I don't know what I should do. And I started looking on Indeed. And this one company, High Life Farms, was looking for ambassadors. And ironically, High Life Farms was owned by someone that my uncle knew.
• 4:42
  And I said, what do you, what do you know about this guy? I said, Oh, Tom, I used to exercise with him over at Peter Nielsen's. He's a great guy. This is a legit company. This, this company, I give thumbs up, go for it. So I get into this company and I start learning the business and, um,
• 4:58
  I implemented some of the experience I had with Lululemon because they hired me to kind of help write the ambassador program for their ambassadors. It was at a time five years ago when cannabis companies were like, we are forming a community with these people to go into the retail stores to really...
• 5:22
  Excel our marketing. So we have a face to a name. So I helped write this program. And then I was like, there's a lot of money to be made in the space. And so I was like, I want to go and do sales. So, um,
• 5:40
  The owner gave me his blessing and was like, if you need if you need any help, I can help you. So I applied for jobs and I got a job at a company that's an ancillary business for cannabis. So ancillary business for cannabis would be like packaging. Um,
• 5:57
  paraphernalia, that type of a thing. They were launching their first line of marijuana. So it would make sense. So they hired me. They launched something called a 510 thread, which is a vape cart. And I went in there and I started sales and I signed a contract. It was very minimal. It was like, once you hit X, Y, and Z, your commission can be 0.99, not even 1%,
• 6:26
  And it was very natural for me to do it. It was very natural. I was no longer using the product, so I never smoked. I just loved the business aspect of it. And I definitely excelled. And then I decided that I needed to take the opportunity to excel for myself. So I went almost on my own where I crossed with your buddy, Jesse Jarvis.
• 6:56
  I called Callie. I was like, I called Callie. I'm like, did you? He's feeling under the weather. He's like, tell her I said I love her and I miss her. And if I can feel better, I'll come. So he had a little, he was coming out of both ends. I was like, what'd you eat? And he's like, I don't know. But if I feel better, I'll come because he wanted to see it. Okay. Yeah. I was like, Cal, is there going to be a surprise visit? Jesse. Yeah. He's
• 7:26
  And when I started selling for Deluxe was kind of like the, he was the main guy to help us along with our sales. And that was before I went on my own. And being on my own has been extremely fun, advantageous. And that's the long story of how I got into it. What drives the passion for it? Like, why?
• 7:48
  Hold on, guys. If you're listening to this on Apple or iTunes, head over to YouTube and look at this beautiful lady. She does not look like she's a drug dealer. I'm just kidding. I love calling weed drug dealers. She used to sell so much weed back in the day. And back then it was a drug dealer. So now that it's legal, I just love making fun of it. So if you look at her, she's gorgeous and brilliant and intelligent. And I'm going to follow up with that. Where does the passion to sell drugs
• 8:17
  What? Listen, I don't smoke weed, but I advocate for it. I'd rather people smoke weed than drink or do drugs. But I'd rather people just sit in their shit and feel their feelings because on the other side of that is growth. But if they're going to do one thing, I wrote a paper literally in high school about that.
• 8:38
  dare about drug awareness, reduction education. And I was a big cannabis guy. So this is great. So how did you, this beautiful intelligence, get a passion for this? Great question. So when I was younger, I smoked a ton of weed like yourself. I didn't write a paper on it, but I loved smoking weed. I loved the dopamine. Just so we're clear, I sold it. I didn't really smoke it.
• 9:06
  Okay. I smoked it. I'd never sold it. Did you go to Michigan State? Is that why? No. I went to Columbia. That's right. But I was. Your brother went to Michigan State. I partied with him. Yes. I went to Michigan State. Oh, yeah. For sure. And that was just a major part of who I was and what I did. And I loved it.
• 9:26
  And, um, ever since I have been involved on the selling end, I haven't used it at all. And does it hurt the sales? Like, no, I, I think it helps the sales. So we were talking about Jesse. Jesse got out of the business for that because he quit and he's like, I just feel weird being in telling people and selling this when I don't use it myself.
• 9:48
  Okay. So that's fascinating. I have found that the most successful businessmen in the business do not use the product, but they're in front of it. And I'm not kidding. And it's really cool. As a matter of fact, on Friday, I was at a grow called Green Cultivators in Warren. It's a hydro grow, which is water. They grow in water. And the gentleman, the main grower, I was like,
• 10:16
  you don't use it all. He's like, Nikki, I do not use it at all. And I'm like, I know I don't either. It's really cool. So the passion, Kelly, to answer your question comes from, I love being a female in this industry. I love utilizing the opportunities that I have made in the past, the relationships and continuing them. And, and also the,
• 10:39
  It's really in this space, trust is a huge thing. And relationships are built on that trust. And my experience and my reputation is that
• 10:56
  I'm honest and I never double dip and I never gouge. And I just, you know, listen, nothing's for free, right? So you'd think, well, why do you need a broker? You could just, you know, I'll tell you a funny story. When I first started, I was,
• 11:12
  I would send COA, which is certificate of analysis to show proof that it's federally in the system and that it's tested. And I wouldn't crop it. So I would send it to the buyer and the buyer would go, Nikki, I know who the farmer is. Like, I can cut you out. Crop it. You need to start cropping it. I'm like, I'm not scared. If you don't see my value, I'm not scared.
• 11:38
  call the farmer. I'm not, I'm not concerned here. Okay. Which is a really very risky and, and scary thing to do. And, and I have since not become tainted, but I have since cropped in certain regards. Um, I had one experience that went like this, a gentleman, uh,
• 12:01
  utilized my services, and then he went straight to the farmer. And rightfully so, all good. He didn't think I was of value, no problem. I get a call from him like,
• 12:15
  I don't know. I hadn't talked to him in a while. And he said, listen, Nikki, this person that I'm dealing with, I can't even communicate with them. They tried to cash my check twice or something, you know, something happened. Please handle it. Get involved. So no problem. If I am a value, happy to get involved. If I'm not, I don't want to, you know.
• 12:37
  Twist your arm. So what you just said were standards and boundaries, which I love. And I got to tell you, people are so worried about, oh, will somebody like me? Will they cut me out with it? That's if you listen to Gary Vee, he says, give away all your stuff, give away, give everything away. And the right people will still want to work with you because they see the value. You just unlocked two super secrets that are old bullshit fallacies.
• 13:01
  if somebody doesn't want to work with you, let them go. And they'll come back when they realize the value. And then you decide if you actually want to do work with them or not. And then the other thing is just give away your secrets. Yeah. And we do it all the time.
• 13:16
  with, um, in our it company, I wrote in my heart of my book, exactly how we started the company. Go, go copy it, do it better than us. I tell everybody what to do, not to hire us. And it, what do you, what do you know? I'm going to switch gears for two seconds. So those are two gems. Um, you slipped into that last one that mom and dad passed away. Um,
• 13:36
  and that you had your SLT studio, which was Pilates, which I did it once. It was the hardest thing. I was pouring down sweat. You guys know me. I am in tremendous shape. She owned the studio, and I did this Pilates, and I was like, holy cow. And I never want to do that again. But...
• 13:59
  Did mom and dad pass away from COVID? During COVID and no, not from COVID. So it went, COVID started, it was March 19, right? And we closed this- No, March, oh yeah, March 19th of 2020. Yeah. Yeah.
• 14:16
  And after, once everything shut down, my mom passed away, sorry, I hit that, in April. And then my dad passed away in June. And I closed the studio mid-June. Boom, boom, boom. Terrible. So Harder Than Life talks about overcoming resilience. Talk about that. The listeners, you're very happy-go-lucky, but people, we're in a tough time right now. You know, so much divisiveness, so much business going out. And...
• 14:46
  Talk about that and what you did to cope, not only cope, but thrive after it. Well, after, right? So I definitely went dark for a long time. And just the experience of losing parents and then losing –
• 15:08
  What I associated my identity with, which was fitness because I was in that industry for so long, and then having to shift gears and move into the space of cannabis and then finding a new fun and joy. And now I love just being a client in fitness.
• 15:26
  I love being a client and a guest in someone else's class. It's wonderful. But before that wonderfulness came, there was a lot of darkness, a ton of darkness, a lot of crying, a lot of therapy. When my mom started...
• 15:48
  renal failure dialysis, I reached out to a grief therapist right when she started. I knew that she was going to be passing. So I had to reach out to a grief therapist. The grief therapist that I chose was a movement therapist. Yeah.
• 16:10
  I did not speak from probably the four months leading up to my mom's passing to, I don't know, two years after she passed. I never conversed with this woman. She just put me in posture. She was like a yoga movement therapist. I was unable to really speak about anything. I would just sob and be in mood.
• 16:37
  be in postures and sob and sob cried my eyes out tried to figure it out um it had like eight chocolate chip cookies and ice cream like i was going to the chair because my mom you're still smoking weed at this time no no weed this was all just you don't drink or do you drink no no i mean i just felt your feelings like i said no i didn't feel my feelings i ate them
• 17:05
  It was really bad. I got to a place and I was still like, I was grappling between like, I'm in the fitness industry, but I'm about to leave and I'm grieving because my mommy's gone and I always ate sweets with my mom. This is a beautiful yet poignant story about my mom and my last New Year's Eve with her.
• 17:26
  My last New Year's Eve with my mom, we went to Bill's on Woodward. We ate dinner and next door is a place called Yummy Cupcakes. And we got a dozen cupcakes and she's like, let's go back to my house and we're going to order tickets to New York and buy tons of Broadway play tickets. And I'm like, okay. So we went back and we ate cupcakes, you know, we cut them up and like ate all the, just everything about them. Just like, however, which way.
• 17:55
  And, um, and we, uh, we bought tickets, all these Broadway tickets. What was your favorite show? Well, I'm going to, I'm going to, we'll get into Broadway in a second. No, no. But that's a great question. No, I got a next question too. Yeah. So she didn't make it to those shows, but the coolest thing is I have this huge doobel
• 18:19
  on Broadway and I go back to New York every year and I see shows and Jeff and I just went this past, um, this past month and we saw two shows. So it's like my mom has given us the gift to keep going to these shows every year. So it's, it's wild, isn't it? So yeah.
• 18:41
  Guys, I forgot to say we're live in person in my home studio. Nikki lives right down the street from me. So we've been here a couple of times doing some other things, projects with her. So she's told me some beautiful stories about her mother. We're going to get into those. But if you hear anything in the background, we've got some photographers. We're having all kinds of fun here on this Thursday afternoon in Michigan. It's a rare, weird time where it's warm out and it's November. Yeah.
• 19:09
  Speaking of that, you're going full circle and you're auditioning for a role on Broadway. How's that going? It's an off-Broadway show. It's an off-Broadway show. Yeah. But it's in New York, though. It's in New York. And it's interesting. So I had a table read and...
• 19:29
  It's a cool process, but it's not like a process I've ever done before. So we had the table read. There were a couple producers, and it's kind of in that transition point with that.
• 19:46
  I'm at this point in my life where I am submitting and auditioning for everything. So I'm a part of what's called Actors Access and Backstage. I also have Michigan representation. So as Kelly stated in the beginning, I love to sing, dance, and act.
• 20:02
  And I submit my actor reel, my photos, and whatever else the audition is calling for. And then if I get a call back, then I film it. But the funniest thing about this whole thing, you're going to crack up.
• 20:19
  Jeff, I'll go, Jeff, I have to film. Can you film it for me? He'll go, yeah, come to my office. So I'll go to his office. I'll do it. And every, every audition I have, Jeff and I stopped the camera. We look at each other and we go, that was amazing. Jeff's like, you're going to get that. And I'm like, and I don't hear a word. I don't hear anything from any, any director anywhere. Yeah.
• 20:43
  So it's like, I mean, it's kind of funny because I'm having a great time and I know it's a lot of averages, Kelly. So I'm throwing a ton of shit at the wall and whatever, something will stick. Ultimately, something will. And then I'm getting back together with my band a little bit. I had a rehearsal last week. The one bass player is in jail.
• 21:08
  Which was kind of wild, guys. You want to know? My first instinct, I'm like, was it drugs? You want to know what they told me? The bass player set up some very weird camera. Yes. Where? In like some locker room or something. That's disgusting. I know. So you never know. You just never know about people, people. You never know. So...
• 21:35
  I want to point out the fact that you may be a great drug dealing sales lady of weed, that tongue in cheek hit him. But when you started talking about auditioning, your eyes lit up, your smile got bigger. So you have to make me a promise that you chase after that with reckless abandonment because I can tell that's what's in your heart and your soul. So please do that. And then you're speaking of this.
• 22:00
  Amazing man, Jeff, which is your husband. Why don't you share the story of how you guys met? Because it is beautiful. We're kind of bouncing everywhere because she's just such a good spirit that has absolutely lived life, all facets of life, made mistakes, dealt with heartache.
• 22:18
  And here she is today on this Thursday, smiling and happy in the best shape of her life and the best mindset of her life. And that's how she got on the show, because she's beautiful inside and out. Brilliant. And guys, she's going to be an actress on Broadway. But talk about how you met your husband, Jeff.
• 22:38
  So Jeff, um, Jeff and I met at Kung Fu and Kung Fu. What haven't you done? God, I mean, I think. Sells drugs, does hair and babysits. Cops don't know when to break down the door. That's a Friday reference if you haven't seen the movie. Oh my God. So Jeff and I met at Kung Fu and, um,
• 23:03
  It was funny because I was engaged at the time. Oops. Typical Michigan, guys. But he was very steadfast in being like, this is my girl. I know this is my girl and so on and so forth. So I went off. I got married. Not to Jeff, by the way. Not to Jeff. She got married to her fiance. Yeah. And, you know, the Kung Fu...
• 23:32
  similar to a lot of the principles that you talk about, Kelly, discipline, consistency, um, those healthy habits really, uh, are, are helpful in every area. So when I was, um, married in Montana, not in a good way, I reached out to my sensei and my sensei is the
• 24:01
  I said, I need some help. And when I came home, I started working one-on-one with him just to kind of harness my prana, get everything strong. And he said, Jeff Jacobs is going to come to your Pilates class tonight because I went right back into teaching. And I was like, no way, sensei.
• 24:23
  No way, sensei. Yeah. I'm like, not a chance. Not with this guy. No way. And Jeff showed up and it was, I really, I fought it, but Jeff was very steadfast and certain and his certainty was very appealing to me.
• 24:46
  And that steady, the steady certainty really provided me with some safety that I needed. And so I did move forward. There's like a hair right there. Grab it up. So I-
• 25:05
  We've been married for 16 years together, 20. Wow. 20 years later. So notice she made a mistake, didn't beat herself up over it. Their first red flag was he took you to Montana. You're a nice little Jewish girl from West Bloomfield and you end up in Montana. I'm sure that your mom said, darling, what are you doing?
• 25:27
  What was Montana, by the way? Here's the thing. Montana is fantastic. And I like in me, part of me is a cowgirl and like a nudist.
• 25:40
  Do you know what I mean? And we're just picking this up at Kung Fu dancer, singer, drug dealer, nudist. It's a free spirit. I love it. Yeah. I mean, you want to be able to, you want to be able to dip in, or at least I think you want to be able to be in touch with things that are connected to how you feel free. And so I think that there is a freeness in, um, animals and in, um, um,
• 26:10
  in, in like, you know, being free and one with nature, I'd say. But yeah, Montana wasn't bad. I learned a lot of lessons out there. It's like one of the seven wonders of the world to think that you're out there, you know, not, not in a good place made me realize that it doesn't matter where you are.
• 26:33
  It doesn't matter where you are. Montana was, it's only the only one of the very few states that I haven't visited yet. I will get there, but I want to go back and circle back so people understand. Yeah. Joe Rogan talked about jujitsu and Kung Fu and he commented specifically on how Mark Zuckerberg has been taking it. And he's, and he commented, he says, if he stays with it, he may end up becoming a little more disciplined, a little bit more, I would say to the center of the,
• 27:01
  life because i don't i don't think anybody would deny he's a little bit more to the left leaning than anything else but he believes that if he stays with that country the discipline will make him so bring him back to to the center so it is you know joe rogan's huge on it and if he he says we should do it i think it's uh good stuff so i wanted to just double that down and
• 27:22
  And I want to add to that. It's a cool, I think one of the coolest parts, Kelly, is that it's an Eastern philosophy. So the Eastern, the Asian philosophy of great respect and of receiving and of outputting. Discipline.
• 27:41
  Correct. And not only that, but like taking orders. So you bow in, you bow, you look in the eyes, you speak to the elder in respect. Yes, sensei. It's a obedience in a way. You know what you're saying? Not obedience. I'll give you a better word. Surrendering.
• 28:03
  And that's what we're all trying to do. I just did a podcast earlier where we talked about giving yourself grace. It's giving yourself grace. It's allowing instead of being. And it's just putting the emphasis on something else other than yourself. Yeah. That's what you're great at.
• 28:22
  Thank you. Thank you. And you're, I didn't mean to cut you off, but I just love that. I love the surrender thing. I just, something keeps talking to me, telling me, chill, Kelly, just chill. And you're kind of doing that and it's, and doors are opening for you all over the place. Actually, let's go back to that. Yeah. So you are a multi-talented artist, acting, singing, dancing. If you could choose one of those art forms that best expresses who you are, what would it be and why? Oh, that's a great question.
• 28:53
  So dancing is a physical expression that we all do. Now, some would say, I can't dance. Oh, sure you can. You can hear something, whatever tone you hear it in, you can move your body. Okay.
• 29:08
  And body movement is healing. Moving this guy is healing, right? So expressing ourselves in maybe a non-traditional sense of free-form movement, dancing is gorgeous for that. Singing, I've never sung anything original. I've only sung covers, and I love singing. It's an emoting vocally movement.
• 29:35
  That allows, I can't even explain it. Singing is, everyone's a singer. So people will say, oh no, I'm not. You sing in the shower. You are in your car, windows down, jamming. You're singing exactly to the song that you love to sing to, right? You can go word for word, beat for beat, breath for breath, and you're
• 29:59
  And it's just you. And it's just you in that song. And there is a feeling that you get driving and singing that is an amazing catharsis. Well, everybody has a song that they would play if they were being introduced. And that's what, if you could think of that song, it'll make you feel good. So instantaneously, it'll take you back to feeling good. So have your walkout song. That's a little life hack. But my, so a little thing that I do with my 15-year-old daughter is I sing. And a lot of times I forget the words. So I just make up words. Totally.
• 30:29
  guys laughing at it and it brings us closer and she just laughs because I just don't care right and nor should I it's we have to play yeah and enjoy and if it's I mess up a word or make up a new word and I like I actually do it on purpose sometimes just to get a laugh out of her and I'll change it into words like about her and we just have a blast that's the sweetest that is the sweetest thing she's you're you're connecting with your daughter through song
• 30:57
  I connect with my daughter through everything. She just, you know, it's a blessing and a curse that I'm her father. You know, I have high expectations.
• 31:04
  I was driving her to school this morning and I just said, hey, you know, I just want you to know I can't love you anymore, but I sure in the heck can't love you any less. And it's not contingent on anything that you do. And she's like, I know, Dad. And I was like, I just want to repeat it. Just feel like I need to say it. I just keep saying it over and over and over. So she knows I don't want her to have to seek validation anywhere else but inside her.
• 31:29
  And I feel like that's where you're at right now. You're just at such inner peace. Is that what you're feeling right now? I think that there's a great inner peace, but I talk to myself all the time. And my mom taught me that. My mom said, you're going to be your greatest love affair. Mm-hmm.
• 31:54
  You are smart lady. Yeah. She said, you are the most important when you have a fight with someone. It is not about the fight or the other person go inside. Why are you, what is going on with you? Take assume complete responsibility. So the peacefulness that I have and that I feel is,
• 32:18
  comes from, I would say, the work and the love I have done for myself. And just like you're telling your daughter, you are priming her so that she will say that to herself. So I'll journal and...
• 32:36
  In my journal, I'll write, I love you, Nikki. I do that every morning. I high five myself in the mirror and I say, I love you. You're awesome. Totally. Talk a little bit about that more about what you say to yourself so the listeners can hear. I want to make sure that people understand, talk to yourself, but don't listen to yourself. And what I mean by that is if you're listening to those thoughts that are magical lies, the ones that say you can't do this, you can't do that. You're not enough. You're not lovable. Yeah.
• 33:05
  That's those are the magical eyes. Those are all bullshit. And so by talking to yourself and say you are lovable, you are amazing, you can accomplish anything. So that how do you do it in practical in your real life? So I will like I will tell myself, like, if I'm if I'm starting to feel something that's like a little big, like a big feeling, I'll be like, you're OK, Nikki. Where do you feel the big feeling at?
• 33:31
  So in my body, if I feel if I'm sometimes this is this is a very interesting thing. Sometimes when I'm exercising.
• 33:39
  Ooh, you're supposed to feel nothing but good. Do you feel good? I feel good, but sometimes I feel a little frightened, like maybe this is a little too much, or if I get a little overworked. My natural place, my most comfortable place is a calm place. So if I get a little up there, it's sometimes a little frightening. Was your childhood completely calm?
• 34:09
  No, but my mom, my mom was always calm and she always, she, she always maintained a very calm place. So for me, so I'll just talk to myself and I'll be like, you're okay, you're good. You got this. You're fine. And if, and if you're not fine, you are capable of handling whatever comes your way. And you're batting a thousand. Yeah.
• 34:34
  And here's the thing. If something isn't fine, you are resourceful. So you're good. You know, just that type of thing. I think that like, you're awesome, you're beautiful, you're strong, you're great. That absolutely, there's a place for it. But I think the my talking to myself comes at a time of...
• 34:54
  You are resourceful. That's a good one. I'm going to steal that. Please. Well, you are resourceful. Yeah. You've got. I've gotten here. I mean, I'm here with house money. So there's, I don't experience fear ever, ever. I, I was a little anxious. I just had the fortune to meet one of my idols, Ed Milad and John Maxwell. And I was feeling something as I was driving over there. And I was like, whoa, am I nervous? Yeah.
• 35:23
  And the second I walked in that room, a switch flipped and I was back to my normal self. So later on, I went back and unpacked that. So nervous, anxiousness and excitement for me is very similar. So I was never excited as a kid because I had nothing to look forward. I was always anxious. I think I used all my anxiety up. So they feel very similar to me. So after I unpacked, I just realized I was just excited.
• 35:50
  But it was, my heart was elevated and I was like, woo-woo. Yeah. But man, like I walk in the door and it's back to normal. Back to being who I was. Yeah. And I worked the room and enjoyed the night. But yeah, feel your feelings in your body. That's why I asked you where you feel it. And you're like, am I in the gym? And that's why if you're ever in a therapist, they'll say, where in your body do you feel it? I feel it in my stomach. Just name it so you can be aware of it. That was a little confusing to me because...
• 36:20
  I just don't get intimidated and I'm not afraid. Wow. Yeah. That's it. I think I used up all my fear. And I know I made it through many, many near-death experiences, not only as a child from my parents, but in stupid situations that had put myself hanging out trying to fit in with undesirables. So I've had guns to my head. I've been run over. I've been stabbed. I've been beat up. I'm here for a reason. So I know that.
• 36:48
  that I'm going to be okay. And if I'm not, then I know there's something else for me in the, in the afterlife. So there's some little habits that I do. You have this amazing healing energy about you and we've talked about it a couple of times, but how do you incorporate this into your daily life and relationships? Go a little deeper into that.
• 37:08
  Sure. So every morning I have a really deliberate morning. Morning routine. Yeah. Yeah. I start off. I have a meditation music that I listen to and I'll send you the link. It's gorgeous. It's like it's I think you've heard it at my house before. It's like an Indian flute.
• 37:28
  It's really peaceful. It's beautiful. I drink 30 ounces of like tepid water with lemon and then I have one coffee and I journal and I hang out with my dog and I talk to my, you know, my dog, I have this older dog and I, I love my morning time with him.
• 37:47
  Cause he takes a little longer to get up and I talk in funny voices to him and it's just fulfilling and take them on a little stroll and, and just kind of feel, you know, get into my body slowly. Oftentimes I'm like fielding work calls in the morning cause that's when some orders are going out or coming in. And that is a great place for me to harness healing energy. Hmm.
• 38:12
  Um, and, and are you alone? Yes, I am totally alone. I said this the last time on the last quote, it's, uh, heard this quote. I don't know where it was from, but it said, if, if God wanted to hide the secret to happiness, he'd hide it in solitude, silence, and stillness. And all three of those, you, you kind of hit, even though you have your dog, but it's still, um, I keep thinking.
• 38:36
  Letting people know that it's okay to be silent, be still, and be alone. And you do it every morning. That's how your winning routine starts. I do the same thing, but I do mine as a priming exercise. And first thing in the morning, then I go at the gym. So I go calm and then violence. And then after the gym, then you just open it up into your world of work. And your creativity. I tend to journal at that point for a little bit because I want to figure out
• 39:06
  While I'm working out, I'm usually listening to a podcast and it activates some feelings. So I'll make notes on my phone and then I'll come and get them, unpack them out of myself. Or the journaling for me is a couple of different things. It's to see if there's any correlations to feelings. But more than anything, it's just to get the thoughts. It's like going to a therapist. It's just getting the thoughts out of my head and getting them out of me and my body.
• 39:31
  Once I do that, I put it down there. And every once in a while, I believe God talks to me and gives me some answers right then and there. And I'm like, ooh, ooh. I didn't like that, but it was what I needed to hear. So this last couple of weeks, I've been so off my routine. And you know what's funny?
• 39:49
  I feel good. You know, I'm not going to not go back to my routine. I mean, starting Monday, I'll be right back on it, but I haven't been, I've been to the gym once this week because my schedule just has not let me. And I know I could squeeze it in, but that fitting part of my unpacking things is the being harder than life meant I have to show up and I gotta be all the time. And I'm like, no, I know.
• 40:14
  The flexibility of letting things happen and surrendering, like you said, I think is so much of it. And then knowing what you need, right? Like I need to do my walk at some point because my walk, I'm either memorizing a script that I have a submission for or taking a call for work, but I'm taking care of my body and I'm in nature. Right.
• 40:41
  And being in nature is so important. And so I do this little loop right here. I do Long Lake to Franklin, Franklin to Lone Pine, Lone Pine to Echo, Echo back to Long Lake. And it's just like a perfect. Don't say when you do it because she's so beautiful that we don't want any stalkers. I saw you on it that one day when I was picking up my daughter. That was cute. I'm like, who is that hottie? And then you walk up. I go, oh, it's like my sister.
• 41:07
  I was checking out my sister. Yes, Jeff, if you listened to this, I was checking her out, but you already know that. Um, no, it's, you know, it's one of those things I was going to say, there's two things listening to my body. I've learned through this and it's kind of the opposite.
• 41:25
  I need to eat and sleep. And I know that sounds goofy, but if I don't eat three times, really five times a day, because I eat two snacks, I need three full meals and I need seven hours of sleep. I've figured that out.
• 41:39
  Any deviation from either, I'm off. And so that's what's been happening. I was traveling. I wasn't sleeping well. Bed was hard. Pillows were soft. There was no gym. And there was no gym anywhere close to where I was. And I was so busy, I just was skipping lunch.
• 41:59
  Yeah. And just my whole, everything is off. So my foundation, they say, put your mask on before you help anybody else. There's no good. My mask is I need to sleep seven hours. I need to eat three to five times a day. And I really need to get work out. And if any of those three things don't happen,
• 42:14
  I'm just off. And so my body's just going, Hey, we're just going to give you a minute, give you a week of, of respite. I don't know. When's the last time I've worked out once in a week. I'm going to go tomorrow. So we'll be two times and then I'll hit Saturday and Sunday. So four out of seven days, but still I'm a seven day a week guy.
• 42:32
  Right. But for this week, I've given myself the grace. That's good, Kelly. That's really, I think that's harder than life. Because getting on. It is. It's just making the change. So most people that think I'm crazy for doing it,
• 42:46
  I think I'm more crazy for not doing it because I just become so used to it. I love this quote, and I don't know why I put it in here, but it's never talked about much. It's the Shakespeare quote, all the world's a stage. I said it in the intro, and I know it resonates with you, but how does this perspective influence your view on life's challenges and joys?
• 43:09
  That's a great question. So my mom always quoted Shakespeare in that all the world's a stage. It's an opportunity to try again. It's an opportunity to make mistakes. It's an opportunity to
• 43:27
  Uh, failure is not, or failure is feedback, but failure is only failure if you give up. So you just got to keep going, take the knowledge that you had, pivot, keep going. Totally. And, and so much of that is, um, you know, I think that, I think that all the world, a stage really means that like,
• 43:52
  This is our opportunity to get it right. And this life is our opportunity to get it right. And we will continue to make mistakes and learn. And if we knew everything, we would throw the towel in.
• 44:07
  I always say too, the memento mori, we're all going to die, but yet we're so worried about how we look and what we're doing. And if you've interviewed or heard or read any articles about people when they're on their deathbed and they say this, they never regret what they did. They regret what they didn't do. So get out there. There's where my interpretation of all the world's a stage. You have an opportunity to do something, do it. Who cares if you fall on your face? Yeah.
• 44:30
  Like I said, name drop again. I met with John Maxwell this weekend. 77-year-old man. Walked into a room filled with people and shook everybody's hand, found out their name, and called them and recited something back to them. Had more energy than everybody in the room and made sure of it. Stayed later, stayed longer, kept referring to his wife, but he uses every single minute of every single day to...
• 44:56
  that's another level of all the worlds of stage. So, Hey, to each his own. Wow. That's incredible. Do you want anything else to that? All the worlds of stage? Um, I don't think so. I, you know, I,
• 45:08
  It has to do with performing or not performing, right? So showing who you want to show up as, your authentic self. But that authentic self, there's a private side. There's a personal side. There is a public side. There's many different sides to all of us.
• 45:33
  um see i don't know i disagree with you on that one um i think people really living in their in their alignment and their oneness they are the same people everywhere you go you you know me behind the camera you know me as personal you never get a different person i am the same all the time i have nothing because it's peaceful that i have nothing in the world to hide
• 45:54
  Absolutely. And I'm not necessarily saying hiding, but I'm saying like when you talked about your walkout song or something that you want to talk about versus something you don't want to talk about. I love it. I love talking about things I don't want to talk about. Vulnerability, it brings us closer. It builds a trust that you talked about at the very beginning. It's interesting. I yesterday was called out on something. And when you're called out on something, it's actually a call in.
• 46:24
  and the call in was really enlightening for me i've heard it called call up god calling you up yeah if someone calls you out it's a call into yourself yeah really cool isn't that neat yeah what was what was the thing i'll share this was real well sure yeah i'll share it so um
• 46:49
  I was speaking with someone and they were sharing something that was, that meant something to them. But I didn't really, I guess I didn't really have realized that it had that much gravity. Okay. And, or I was, I was not that present when they were sharing this. And this was that sharing a meal. Okay.
• 47:10
  And the waiter came over and because everything was so heated with politics, he came over and he was like, I can't believe this one table. They are still going on and on about, you know, the campaign and whatever. And so right away, I like turned away. It was just like in the talking to the waiter and.
• 47:27
  I was, I felt so, um, I felt like kind of like I wanted to bond with the waiter. So I pull out my phone, I started showing him memes, whatever. And then I pulled, he walked away and I went back to my friend and my friend was like, I will never open up to you again. Oh, wait, hold on. And I was just like, don't stonewall me. I'm sorry. That was my reaction. But hold on. I accepted it. And I go, I'm so sorry. And they're like, I, I was opening up to you about something and you completely disrespected me. And I was like.
• 47:56
  I apologize. I'm not perfect. I'm very sorry. I feel very badly about this. But the interesting was this. I went home and I thought about it. And I was like, Nikki, that was so disrespectful. Why did you do that? Why did you do that? And then I'm like, I don't know exactly why. And I sat with it and I thought about it.
• 48:19
  And I think subconsciously what this person was telling me was a feeling that came up for me that I did not want to –
• 48:30
  acknowledge because they were sharing something that was, that was kind of like triggering. Right. The world will show you where you're not free. Yeah. And, and that's just, so whatever that is, I invite you to journal on that and unpack it deeper because it's going to keep wearing a sugary hat. So people don't realize whatever, if you, what you resist will persist. So that is God source, higher power, whatever you want to call it.
• 48:57
  is telling you, Hey, Nikki, look into this. Kelly this morning. I sat with it. I sat with it. I sobbed with it in my shower. I sobbed with it. I'm like, feel it, feel it. I am. I am often. Yeah. I am often a accepted, acknowledge it and move on.
• 49:15
  Which is not the best way to be because I have to sit in it more. I have to sit in it more and really sit in it. And for some reason, I like to just like wrap it up, put it in a bow. I'm good on the victory lap, that whole thing. Yeah. So I sat in it and I took it really, really in. Why would I do that? Why wouldn't I just, you know? Yeah. Interesting. It's hard to believe we've been talking for 50 minutes, but I've got a couple more questions. Please. One is deep. I've often thought...
• 49:45
  what it's like to meet me. I'd like to meet my energy. Um,
• 49:50
  I've really gotten comfortable. You know, I, I make people feel better. Like, Oh, I got a big energy. I'm weird. I'm different. I've kind of, I've really accepted that I'm not, I'm just me and I'm happy. Yeah. And I want to fricking give it all to everybody I'm with. So I want to meet me as you're someone who values both creative expression and human connection. So what is the message you hope to leave those who meet you and connect with you? Ah, um,
• 50:18
  that a peaceful, easy feeling that they feel that they feel good and complete and enough in my presence. Well, I will tell you that I always feel loved and heard, which was weird, but maybe it's because I listened to you all the time. I don't know. I have to start challenging a little more and see if you've dismissed me. And then I'll say, Hey, Nikki, go, go journal on that.
• 50:46
  But I love being in your presence. That's why you're here. I mean, you know, there's no benefit to me other than being able to freaking hang out with someone who's just awesome energy. I'm sure the audience is going to love this. This is different than what we've done in the past. We've really got deep with other people. You and I are just having a friendly conversation. So we're going to lighten it up for the last couple of questions.
• 51:07
  If you could create a musical about your life, what would the opening number be called? And would it be more of a jazz hands or heartfelt ballad?
• 51:18
  Oh my God. This is such a good question. Okay. Well, I wanted to like, and it still might happen, but I would love to like write a musical or a play, not necessarily about my life, but called Chicky about my mom. You told me that. Yeah. Something like that. But would my- Her story is remarkable and you should write a book about that.
• 51:42
  I really want to, but I haven't gotten exactly there, but I thank you. And I will, I will. When the time is right. It will happen. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so jazz hands. Yeah. Jazz hands are, I like a little act, a ballad. I like a ballad when the time is right. Yeah.
• 52:01
  But I think that I would open with a wild number with jazz hands. And I think the musical would just be a cool life lesson. I love –
• 52:14
  you know, as Americans, I mean, the, the underdog story is all of our favorites, you know, just the triumph, just triumphant stories and overcoming, I think is, is, is, is more than enough. And I think that that's, that would be the basis of the musical. If that, if they end up with both, I know it, by the way, I went all this far and I didn't tell you guys, if you want to hear more about this beautiful woman, go to at Nikki Fane on Instagram. It's N I K K I.
• 52:43
  F-A-Y-N-E. It's at Nikki Fane on Instagram. Yeah, you fellas, don't be sliding in her DMs. I've seen her husband. He loves the crap out of her and she's not up for that stuff, especially you Michigan people who don't seem to care.
• 53:00
  What's with those swingers? I don't think it is swingers. I just think that they just don't love themselves. Like you said, the trigger that you haven't used, you point one finger away, there's three pointing back at you. Why do people do that? Cause they're on, they haven't figured out what they need. They can't provide that. They don't think that they can provide what they need themselves.
• 53:16
  But they can. So they just keep going out and trying to get it from time and time again. Clearly me, I was the best at it. So I know. Me and Jesse were the best at it. Oh my God, you guys. We were terrible. But we healed it. Now we get peace by being alone. I love it. I call him all too often. He was like, man, I'm just... Literally, I asked him Sunday to come over and watch the Lions game. He goes, I'm cleaning my house. I said, did you really just answer that? I go, wow. He goes... Evolution. He was so funny. We were dying laughing. So I said, you know, realize that I think it was 11 years ago we were...
• 53:46
  We spent last weekend in Chicago together and it was just a debacle. I mean, we should have been put in jail. I had to like, I had to like take over his life for the weekend. I'm looking over at him in a club. He's got a shirt off, sweating like crazy, handful of drugs. I'm like, give me all your empty, all your pockets right on it. I had to come up to get all this drugs from. Saboteurs. You guys were saboteurs. We just fed off each other. We had to one up each other and.
• 54:12
  Here we are 11 years later, completely sober, completely safe and lame and happy. Yeah. Lame and happy. Winning is boring. Yeah. And I love it. I would never trade anything for my piece that I have now. So you and your work of connecting people in the cannabis space, what's the funniest or most surprising reaction you've gotten when you tell people what you do? Um...
• 54:39
  Usually people, because of its legal and kind of recognition that it is a pretty good business, people are oftentimes like, I would love to be involved or how did you get into that? But a funny, I don't know, like some people, my aunt was texting me the other day and she's like,
• 55:07
  what is the percentage of THC in the products that you move? I'm reading the wall street journal and in Florida, they're up to 60%. I'm like, auntie, we are like 19 to 31 is what I move. And it's just, you know, it's interesting. What I find interesting about camps. I just, just thought about this just now was Florida just shot down. Legalizing cannabis for rec use down there. Is that a democratic thing? Because I noticed New York, California, Michigan,
• 55:35
  all were early adopters of recreational cannabis. So what that means, guys, if anybody doesn't understand, I think every state is for medicinal. So you can get a card that says you have a condition which having cannabis will alleviate that.
• 55:54
  which it's people will argue it's like taking Tylenol or drinking a beer, but it's not as negative as that. But when you said that, is it a Democrat versus a Republican thing? Cause it got shot down. I thought for sure it was going to pass in Florida. I think to be honest with you, that is a strategic moneymaker.
• 56:12
  The medical? Mm-hmm. I think having it become recreational, there's something there for tax dollars or something. I'm not sure. I love the smell of cannabis. And the last time I was in New York, I used to. And then I went through Times Square, and it's legal there. And everybody was smoking so much of it out in the open.
• 56:39
  And I'm like, is this really what we meant it to be? And it's and you see so many and I just it disappoints me. I want to see everybody happy. And if you're high all the time, you're not happy. I was high all the time and I thought I was happy, but I utilized the plant and I like I think I overdid it. You know, what were you what were you why were you smoking so much?
• 57:03
  What was going on? Were you still grieving for mom and dad? No, no. This was mom and dad were alive when I was in my heyday. That's what everybody did, though. Yeah, yeah. I think that was just my – I was like a dopamine seeker, and I think instead of really going inward, I just kept it on the peripheral, and I was younger, and it was just like a way for me to just –
• 57:31
  It was just my, it was my place of comfort. And the only reason I ever drank or did drugs was just to fit in. Yeah. God's honest truth. Really? Just to fit in. I did it so often solo, so it was not to fit in. It was just, it was just the way I enjoyed my own company at the time.
• 57:52
  I bet you come up with some great stuff. Some great ideas. All right. We have a last question and then I'll ask. Well, I'll give it over to you if you have any final thoughts. But if you could. Oh, this is a good one. If you could only bring three items to a deserted island, what would they be and how would they show off your connector superpowers? Oh, my God. Okay. You'd probably bring three people. Well, if I could only bring three items. To a deserted island.
• 58:17
  Oh my gosh. Oh my God. That's so good. I wrote this like two weeks ago and I forgot I put this in. Okay. Connector superpowers. So my connector superpower come in the way of, of relationships, right? So it's just who you are. It's I, I, we call it a connector. It's a gift from God, by the way. It's what you do with it that makes your life happy and you give it away and keep giving it away. Yeah. So how would you give it away? How would you keep being yourself on a deserted island?
• 58:46
  I'd have to have people with me. Yeah. Exactly what you said. So who would you bring? Oh, gosh. I don't know. That was fun. That's not even fair to do. I just was having fun with it. I want to see what your reaction would be. I love it. I want to ask you one final question. Is there anything that I haven't asked you or we haven't talked about that you feel compelled to share with the Heart of the Life listeners?
• 59:15
  this one I won't let you say no to. So you got to give, what's, what's your mantra? What's, you know, I think I like to see everybody get along. Yeah. I think, I think my mantra is do the best you can do with where you are that day. And by the best you can do, I really actually mean the best that you can do. And, um,
• 59:44
  And my mantra for myself is I use, along with just free writing, I use a journal prompt. Have you ever heard of that? No. It's called a five-minute journal. I'm actually going to get it for you, Callie. I think I have a six. Someone just, John Gordon just gave me a success journal, and I think it does the same. A prompt. Okay, so it says. I think I don't have to look at it. I give it to my daughters.
• 1:00:04
  Okay. It says, what are you grateful for? Three things. It says, what, what do you hope for today? Three things. It says, uh, what, um, what do you hope for? What are you grateful for? And, um,
• 1:00:21
  I think that that those, and so like that, um, where was I going with it? Help me get back there. It was, uh, what do you want to leave? What are you leaving us with? What's your mantra? Okay. Yeah. So I think that that prompt is, um, that's my mantra also like prompting myself to always start with that. So three things that you are grateful for three things that you hope for. And, and I think that sets you, you know, pretty good or just one, one is, I love it. Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:00:51
  Well, my friend, I want to leave you with these parting thoughts. I want you to know that you're here for a reason. You're doing great things. I love seeing your smiley face any place, any time. And when I get around you, I feel better. And I'm also always feeling pretty damn good. So getting around you, making me feel better, and I'm very protective of who gets around my energy these days.
• 1:01:13
  And I just can't get enough of you. I think the world of you, I think the world of your husband, I think the world of your home and your being. And I want you to get on more people. And I don't mean that perverted. I mean your energy to get on more people. I love you. And thanks for playing with me today. I love you. Thank you so much.
• 1:01:36
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.