Transcript

Choose YOU · RUN YOUR MOUTH

0:57
SPEAKER_00: What up, doing?
0:58
SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to Run Your My Podcast with your girl Key, where we make room for honest conversations about life, growth, relationships, and becoming the people we want to be.
1:08
SPEAKER_00: And you can hear here first in the audio trap house in less than an hour.
1:12
SPEAKER_00: So let's get to it.
1:14
SPEAKER_00: Today I'm speaking to the woman who keeps putting herself at the bottom of her own list.
1:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, this one for y'all, ladies.
1:22
SPEAKER_00: And I tell you, we all have been there and we all have done it, even me.
1:27
SPEAKER_00: That's why I want to speak on it because it's important that we remind ourselves of the things that we sacrifice and the things that we go through for everyone else, and start to now recognize how to put us first.
1:43
SPEAKER_00: I'm talking to the woman who makes sure everybody else is comfortable before she acts.
1:48
SPEAKER_00: You following me now?
1:50
SPEAKER_00: Again, how long have you been waiting?
1:56
SPEAKER_00: So today's conversation is called Choose You.
1:59
SPEAKER_00: Choose your joy, choose your peace, choose your happy, your own happiness.
2:04
SPEAKER_00: You choose your happiness.
2:06
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna emphasize that.
2:07
SPEAKER_00: You choose your happiness.
2:09
SPEAKER_00: Other people can't give it to you.
2:11
SPEAKER_00: You gotta choose it, girl.
2:13
SPEAKER_00: Choose a career that allows you to grow, not what everybody else is doing.
2:18
SPEAKER_00: It may not be trending, hell, it may be baking cookies.
2:21
SPEAKER_00: If that's where you grow at, and that's where you flourish at and that's where you're happy at, bake your cookies, girl.
2:28
SPEAKER_00: Go ahead.
2:30
SPEAKER_00: You remember the post-it ladies?
2:32
SPEAKER_00: I talk about them often, but that's neither here nor there.
2:35
SPEAKER_00: But uh yeah, choose your career that allows you to grow.
2:40
SPEAKER_00: And I emphasize that word you, and I'm gonna do it so many times in this segment.
2:44
SPEAKER_00: Choose relationships where you can be yourself.
2:48
SPEAKER_00: The worst thing and the most uncomfortable thing in any relationship, whether it's a friendship, a lover's relationship, a work relationship, where you gotta conform yourself to other people.
2:59
SPEAKER_00: Choose relationships where you can be yourself.
3:02
SPEAKER_00: Choose a day-to-day life that has room for your needs as well as other people.
3:08
SPEAKER_00: Make sure your day-to-day includes you.
3:11
SPEAKER_00: Choose you.
3:12
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to wait for somebody else to decide that your life deserves attention.
3:17
SPEAKER_00: We have gotten so engulfed in social media and determining, oh, if we don't get enough likes, oh, if we don't get enough follows, or if we don't get enough shares, or if we don't go viral, it's not important.
3:28
SPEAKER_00: It's very much so important.
3:29
SPEAKER_00: What would you do if we never had social media?
3:32
SPEAKER_00: Would you still be you?
3:34
SPEAKER_00: Would you still choose you?
3:35
SPEAKER_00: Would you still wake up and be happy with you?
3:38
SPEAKER_00: Would you still do the things that you do for you?
3:40
SPEAKER_00: If you never had nobody watching, nobody validating, nobody saying yay or nay, criticizing, whether it be constructive or whether it be malicious.
3:54
SPEAKER_00: If you never had anybody else to look at you, and now choosing yourself doesn't mean you never consider anyone else.
4:01
SPEAKER_00: Doesn't mean that we don't all want self-assurance and self and and others to accept us and what we're doing in our lives.
4:10
SPEAKER_00: You should center your every being around it.
4:12
SPEAKER_00: If you don't go viral, so what?
4:14
SPEAKER_00: You see a shared story.
4:15
SPEAKER_00: If you don't have 50,000 likes, so what?
4:19
SPEAKER_00: One person saw it.
4:20
SPEAKER_00: It helps somebody.
4:22
SPEAKER_00: If you don't ever, ever, ever make a million dollars for a product you're selling or whatever you're doing, whatever service you're providing, you probably made a dollar.
4:34
SPEAKER_00: Pretty sure you did.
4:36
SPEAKER_00: And does it make you happy?
4:38
SPEAKER_00: Doesn't there are many people who die broke, but we're happy?
4:43
SPEAKER_00: We center everything and we we tend to uh associate success all the time with money.
4:52
SPEAKER_00: We tend to associate happiness with other people, we tend to associate our self-assurance with validation from others.
5:01
SPEAKER_00: But what do you see when you see you?
5:03
SPEAKER_00: What do you choose when you choose you?
5:06
SPEAKER_00: What do in do you have to call somebody in and pick out your clothes in the morning?
5:09
SPEAKER_00: You choose them.
5:10
SPEAKER_00: Do you have to call somebody to pick out your breakfast?
5:13
SPEAKER_00: You choose them.
5:14
SPEAKER_00: When you're an adult, we have families and we have commitments that matter.
5:19
SPEAKER_00: So yes.
5:26
SPEAKER_00: That's insane every hour and making everybody's emergency your emergency.
5:31
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to drop everything that you're doing all the time for everybody.
5:35
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you just choose you and say, hey, I'm turning off this phone.
5:39
SPEAKER_00: I'm getting off social media.
5:41
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to write that book.
5:43
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to bake that cake.
5:45
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to start that business.
5:47
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to create that path for me.
5:51
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to start generating my wealth the way I want to.
5:56
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to turn the TV off.
5:59
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to sit in silence.
6:01
SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to ask myself, how was your day today?
6:05
SPEAKER_00: Those are the type of questions and the type of things that we have to be ready to address within.
6:13
SPEAKER_00: Because we should be included in that conversation of choosing you.
6:20
SPEAKER_00: And you can be grateful for what you have while admitting that something needs improvement or may need change.
6:28
SPEAKER_00: You know, people tend to say, be a steward, be a good steward, be a good steward.
6:32
SPEAKER_00: When you're not a good steward, it will show eventually.
6:35
SPEAKER_00: I mean, you can't expect life to just drop in your hands or in your lap and you do no work.
6:42
SPEAKER_00: That's unrealistic.
6:44
SPEAKER_00: But be grateful for what you have while admitting that you may need to change some things.
6:51
SPEAKER_00: Failure is success disguised in mistakes.
6:56
SPEAKER_00: People who say they just got it out the mud and never did anything wrong are liars and they're fools.
7:02
SPEAKER_00: They're delusional.
7:03
SPEAKER_00: Because you're going to make mistakes, you're going to fail, you're going to have to start over and over and over sometimes until you find your niche and you find what works for you, and you begin to choose you.
7:16
SPEAKER_00: Not what everybody else wants you to do.
7:18
SPEAKER_00: I can't count on my hands how many times people have told me in the workplace, friends, family, lovers, enemies, whatever, chop, chop, chop.
7:27
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you should do this.
7:28
SPEAKER_00: You should, oh girl, you're real smart.
7:30
SPEAKER_00: You should be doing this.
7:31
SPEAKER_00: Did you ask me what I want to do?
7:34
SPEAKER_00: If I sat down and told people what I really wanted to do 15, 20 years ago and not followed the paths that other people thought I should be following, I probably would already be a millionaire.
7:46
SPEAKER_00: And even if I wasn't a millionaire, I probably wouldn't have taken some of the bumps and bruises that I should be doing because they're outside looking in.
7:53
SPEAKER_00: They're in shambles.
7:54
SPEAKER_00: They're probably doing whatever they want to do, and that's probably why they haven't met the success in their life that they they probably think they should have, or that they're looking at you and living vicariously through you because they chose them.
8:06
SPEAKER_00: So choose you.
8:07
SPEAKER_00: So whatever you're whoever is putting into your head, or whoever you're listening to, or whoever you're following, take a deep breath.
8:25
SPEAKER_00: That should show what are these people doing?
8:27
SPEAKER_00: Nobody's telling me what to do.
8:29
SPEAKER_00: What have they chosen in their lives?
8:33
SPEAKER_00: Give yourself some attention.
8:36
SPEAKER_00: So then you can freely give it to everybody else.
8:40
SPEAKER_00: Because when we pay attention to ourselves, we don't really have time and room to worry about everybody else's life.
8:45
SPEAKER_00: And that's what social media has done for a lot of people.
8:48
SPEAKER_00: It's made them pay attention to everybody's lives.
8:51
SPEAKER_00: They've forgotten about their own.
8:53
SPEAKER_00: People spend countless hours comparing themselves to other people and doing a whole lot of stuff, scrolling and viewing.
9:01
SPEAKER_00: They forget about what makes them happy.
9:04
SPEAKER_00: They forget about their dreams and their visions and their responsibilities as a human.
9:08
SPEAKER_00: Some people don't even clean their goddamn house.
9:10
SPEAKER_00: You won't even fold your clothes.
9:12
SPEAKER_00: You won't even wash your ass before you're ready to scroll and ready to make a TikTok and ready to do this and ready to share this and ready to go on here and figure out how to make rice.
9:22
SPEAKER_00: As if you wasn't already told that.
9:23
SPEAKER_00: And I use that scenario a lot because I see a lot of people share so many TikTok recipes that's just glorified past education.
9:35
SPEAKER_00: You already been there, done that, know that.
9:44
SPEAKER_00: Didn't choose you.
9:46
SPEAKER_00: But what do I need to be doing today?
9:48
SPEAKER_00: What do I need to be doing for my business, for my future, for my home, for my children, for my husband, for my for my wife, for my lover, for my friend, for my career, for my education, for my growth.
10:00
SPEAKER_00: What do I need to be doing for me?
10:03
SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself that.
10:05
SPEAKER_00: Choose you.
10:06
SPEAKER_00: Stop waiting to be chosen.
10:08
SPEAKER_00: Stop waiting to be that next thing.
10:10
SPEAKER_00: You know, put it out there.
10:11
SPEAKER_00: And if it goes, it goes.
10:13
SPEAKER_00: But stop consuming your whole day and your whole life and your whole time with thinking that you gotta be this next big thing.
10:20
SPEAKER_00: Maybe your big thing was just ironing your clothes for the week.
10:24
SPEAKER_00: Maybe your big thing was planning your day appropriately when you wake up in the morning.
10:31
SPEAKER_00: Maybe your big thing was implementing five minutes of prayer into your busy schedule.
10:36
SPEAKER_00: Maybe your big thing was turning off that 15,000 series uh episode that you've been watching and you've been binging and go outside.
10:48
SPEAKER_00: Maybe your big thing is go here by yourself.
10:52
SPEAKER_00: And that man that you've been waiting on and you've been praying for may just pull up.
10:58
SPEAKER_00: Maybe your big thing is just getting out the house.
11:01
SPEAKER_00: Maybe your big thing is going to wash your car.
11:04
SPEAKER_00: Maybe your big thing is cleaning off your shoes before you sew them in your clothes.
11:10
SPEAKER_00: And who knows?
11:11
SPEAKER_00: But your big thing ain't always gotta be everybody's big thing.
11:15
SPEAKER_00: What works for you?
11:17
SPEAKER_00: Let's start with you.
11:21
SPEAKER_00: Start your day with something that can be difficult to admit.
11:27
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we aren't waiting for an opportunity.
11:30
SPEAKER_00: We're waiting for approval.
11:33
SPEAKER_00: Excuse me, we're not waiting for opportunity.
11:37
SPEAKER_00: We're waiting for approval.
11:39
SPEAKER_00: We know what we need to do.
11:41
SPEAKER_00: We know what we want to do.
11:42
SPEAKER_00: We know how we need to do it and who we need to connect to to do it.
11:46
SPEAKER_00: But we're waiting for somebody else to tell us all the time.
11:48
SPEAKER_00: Just do it.
11:49
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah, girl, you got it.
11:51
SPEAKER_00: You got this.
11:52
SPEAKER_00: You go have that surgery that you know you've been wanting forever, but you knew you wanted it anyway.
11:59
SPEAKER_00: So why did you need anybody else to tell you what works for you?
12:02
SPEAKER_00: Because everybody don't always know all of your business.
12:05
SPEAKER_00: Oh, girl, yeah.
12:06
SPEAKER_00: When I went and got my breast reduction in 2017, I want to say it was, um, I didn't tell anybody.
12:14
SPEAKER_00: Because for one, I wore$100 bras, and a lot of people really knew how big my breasts were to me.
12:22
SPEAKER_00: They were heavy.
12:23
SPEAKER_00: Um, I carried big bags.
12:26
SPEAKER_00: My neck started to hurt, my back was hurting.
12:28
SPEAKER_00: I was like, what's wrong?
12:29
SPEAKER_00: At that time, I wasn't even at the weight I'm at now.
12:32
SPEAKER_00: I was at a good weight, and I just was like, something ain't right.
12:37
SPEAKER_00: Then I started getting indents in my shoulder, I got a cyst in my and my neck, and I went to um I went to a specialist, and they removed the the fat tissue out of my neck, and um it came back in my back, and then it came back again.
12:52
SPEAKER_00: So then I was like, something's going on.
12:54
SPEAKER_00: This is this is crazy.
12:55
SPEAKER_00: And they were like, your breasts are has a lot of density, they're very heavy, they're perky, but they're heavy.
13:02
SPEAKER_00: So that was the thing they didn't say.
13:04
SPEAKER_00: So it wasn't noticeable how heavy they were to the human eye, but just just me touching them and me lifting them.
13:12
SPEAKER_00: I was like, these things feel like basketballs.
13:15
SPEAKER_00: So I made decision.
13:17
SPEAKER_00: It wasn't nothing to do with wanting to body like nobody or wanting to be a perfect body.
13:22
SPEAKER_00: I was devastated with the scar tissue.
13:25
SPEAKER_00: Um, took me a minute to get used to knowing that my breast had been cut open from end to end and and fat had been taken out, but I felt so much better.
13:35
SPEAKER_00: I didn't wait for permission.
13:37
SPEAKER_00: I did it.
13:38
SPEAKER_00: I felt so much better knowing I did something that I chose for me.
13:43
SPEAKER_00: Not and I I have long expressed my um views on BBLs and body modifications and things that are unnecessary, cosmetic surgeries, but hey, I mean, you know, even I can say that I may have been wrong.
14:00
SPEAKER_00: Um, I do think it's obsessive, and I think that many women don't need it looking from the the physical eye, looking from the outside in, you look at people and you're like, oh, they're pretty, or or she's beautiful, she has a nice body.
14:14
SPEAKER_00: They may not think that.
14:16
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we don't need the modifications that we need, definitely if it's not a health issue.
14:21
SPEAKER_00: If my health was never um um compromised and I I wasn't feeling bad, I never because I have beautiful breasts, so I never would have done that, but I I actually knew that it was something that was um compromising my health, so therefore I had to do it.
14:38
SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, cosmetically, nah, not ever gonna happen.
14:43
SPEAKER_00: Um I battle with things.
14:45
SPEAKER_00: You look in the mirror and you see things, and you're not always happy with everything you see because that's just human nature.
14:50
SPEAKER_00: We always want to fix something, we always want to change something outside.
14:54
SPEAKER_00: But what are we changing inside?
14:56
SPEAKER_00: Are we choosing what we girl?
14:58
SPEAKER_00: Go choose you.
14:59
SPEAKER_00: And I don't believe in all the body fillers, and I don't believe in the people who need to add all this butt and add all this cosmetic surgery, snatch your stomach, go work out.
15:10
SPEAKER_00: If you don't want to work out, eat right.
15:12
SPEAKER_00: If you don't want to eat right, drink water or whatever you need to do.
15:15
SPEAKER_00: But that that's not always the answer because you got to keep doing it for one thing.
15:19
SPEAKER_00: You're gonna have to keep doing it.
15:20
SPEAKER_00: If you're not willing to change your lifestyle, you're gonna have to keep doing it.
15:23
SPEAKER_00: Now, if you need to have um VSG surgery or you need to have bypass, um the sleeve, because you just absolutely need that boost.
15:32
SPEAKER_00: I am all for that.
15:34
SPEAKER_00: I recommend every person who's dealing with obesity to please consult with your gastroenterologist and find out what works for you because some people just cannot for hormonal reasons, um, genetics, and different fat stores like a goddamn memory foam.
15:54
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it will sit in pockets and areas and you will work yourself out to death and it won't ever go away.
16:00
SPEAKER_00: And when it gets unhealthy to an unhealthy weight, I hate to hear people just just look at big people and instantly think they're unhealthy.
16:08
SPEAKER_00: That's not true.
16:09
SPEAKER_00: Some some big people are very healthy, they work out, they walk, and they just genetically and hormonally they have issues that's combating them from losing weight, and they need that extra boost.
16:20
SPEAKER_00: But I absolutely don't understand and still can't wrap my head around it why any woman would need to feel like she needs to have fillers.
16:26
SPEAKER_00: You got what you got.
16:28
SPEAKER_00: And why would you want to add because you're gonna get old?
16:31
SPEAKER_00: You hopefully, praise God, you get all your scores, you're gonna age, and that stuff is gonna.
16:37
SPEAKER_00: I have had patients who had body modifications in their younger days, and the complications are unreal when they're older.
16:47
SPEAKER_00: Because this didn't just start, it just got popular when we got social media.
16:51
SPEAKER_00: People have been doing this and they've been having issues, it's been failures.
16:55
SPEAKER_00: Um, women, choose you.
17:00
SPEAKER_00: I can't count on my hands how many women I see with bad bodies and they think, well, ain't nobody opening the door for you, ain't nobody pumping your gas, ain't nobody coming for you.
17:12
SPEAKER_00: Because you look just like everybody else.
17:15
SPEAKER_00: Choose you.
17:17
SPEAKER_00: What can I bring to the table that looks like me?
17:20
SPEAKER_00: Your authentic, your beautiful self.
17:22
SPEAKER_00: That's all you need.
17:26
SPEAKER_00: We already know what we want to do in life.
17:28
SPEAKER_00: We've thought about it, we've researched it, we've prayed about it, written it down.
17:33
SPEAKER_00: You know, they say, write it down, it's gonna happen.
17:35
SPEAKER_00: How many of us have done that?
17:37
SPEAKER_00: I'm a journaler.
17:38
SPEAKER_00: I've been keeping journals since I was seven, eight years old.
17:42
SPEAKER_00: We write it down.
17:44
SPEAKER_00: We know what we want to do, but we're waiting for a partner, a friend, a parent, or somebody at work to say, yes, that makes sense.
17:52
SPEAKER_00: You should do it, girl.
17:53
SPEAKER_00: You should go for it.
17:54
SPEAKER_00: You'll be waiting forever.
17:56
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's like you won't ever get that apology, you won't ever get that person to boost you on because they may be envious, they may be jealous, and they may be miserable, and they may have that dream and they have that vision and have nobody telling them.
18:10
SPEAKER_00: So, what they learn how to do is not ever give anybody else that encouragement.
18:14
SPEAKER_00: So don't wait for nobody.
18:16
SPEAKER_00: If you keep waiting, you may never ever see that day when you have absolutely sat down and said to yourself, I chose me, and it worked.
18:25
SPEAKER_00: When I when I chose me at five years old, I ain't never stopped choosing me.
18:31
SPEAKER_00: And to some it may look like boastfulness, some it may look like arrogance, some it may look like conceit, but I promise you, it's just always been about me.
18:39
SPEAKER_00: Big key been choosing Big Key since I've been a child, and I'm not gonna stop.
18:43
SPEAKER_00: Because even when I fail, I know that I did what I wanted to do.
18:47
SPEAKER_00: Even when I'm wrong, I take accountability that I did what I wanted to do.
18:54
SPEAKER_00: Even when I know that this may not be the thing for me, but if I had a desire to do it, I chose me.
19:02
SPEAKER_00: I didn't wait.
19:03
SPEAKER_00: I tried to start um, I don't like cooking, y'all.
19:08
SPEAKER_00: So I can cook, but I don't like cooking.
19:11
SPEAKER_00: That's not one of my top-notch things that I like to put on my bucket list to do every day.
19:15
SPEAKER_00: I had children, I had a husband, I had relationships, I had to feed these people.
19:19
SPEAKER_00: So, um, and I had to eat, but I've always been a very particular eater for a long time.
19:25
SPEAKER_00: I was vegan and then I was vegetarian, then pescatarian.
19:28
SPEAKER_00: So it's never been really hard for me to feel myself, but then you got other people with other desires and other tastes, and I'm like, I hate cooking.
19:38
SPEAKER_00: So I said one time I was gonna start selling plates, and I was going, y'all, that ain't last.
19:43
SPEAKER_00: I had this these two dishes that people just drop dead for my lasagna and my meatloaf.
19:50
SPEAKER_00: Oh, three, and my pot roasts.
19:53
SPEAKER_00: So I was like, oh yeah, I'm gonna do this, I'm I'm gonna sell these plates.
19:57
SPEAKER_00: Three, four weeks into it.
19:59
SPEAKER_00: I could not do it.
20:01
SPEAKER_00: It was not for me.
20:02
SPEAKER_00: I didn't need nobody to tell me, and I had people boosting me up, oh yeah, oh, this is fine, this and that plates moving out my apartment, all that good stuff.
20:12
SPEAKER_00: But I knew that wasn't for me.
20:14
SPEAKER_00: But I still chose me, and I chose something that I was good at for the moment, and I gave it a shot.
20:21
SPEAKER_00: So you have to give yourself a try.
20:23
SPEAKER_00: Support feels good, encouragement matters, and there is nothing wrong with wanting people to love you and believe in you.
20:30
SPEAKER_00: That's what keeps us going when we have support and we have love and we have people who encourage us, but our whole being can't be surrounded around what somebody else thinks about what we're doing, where we're going, and how we choose to live our lives.
20:46
SPEAKER_00: Because when that happens, we start disagreeing with ourselves.
20:51
SPEAKER_00: But what happens when their agreement becomes a requirement?
20:55
SPEAKER_00: When they start telling you more about what you should be doing, and you start believing that and you start acting on like it's a required part of your day.
21:03
SPEAKER_00: You have not chose you, you have chosen them.
21:06
SPEAKER_00: What happens when you keep postponing your life because someone else doesn't see what you see?
21:12
SPEAKER_00: Oh no, girl, you shouldn't do that.
21:13
SPEAKER_00: No, girl, I wouldn't do that if I was you.
21:15
SPEAKER_00: No, girl, don't uh uh don't don't quit that job, girl.
21:19
SPEAKER_00: Don't start your own business, girl.
21:20
SPEAKER_00: Uh-uh, you got bills, you got mouth fee, uh-uh, girl, don't you move, don't you dare go off by yourself and take that risk.
21:29
SPEAKER_00: What?
21:30
SPEAKER_00: What happens when you start hearing this from other people?
21:35
SPEAKER_00: Because they just simply didn't see what you see.
21:38
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you do want to go back to school at your big old age.
21:42
SPEAKER_00: But somebody keeps asking, why would you bother at your age?
21:46
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you want to start a business at your big old age, but a friend allows every time you bring it up.
21:52
SPEAKER_00: Everybody else is doing that.
21:54
SPEAKER_00: How you gonna how you gonna make it work?
21:57
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you want a quiet, but your family treats rest as something you have to earn by exhausting yourself first.
22:05
SPEAKER_00: They want you to keep answering the phone, they want you to keep showing up for them, they want you to keep coming to every event of theirs and every every situation, every dinner, uh, every episode in their life gotta be more important than you just wanting to have some quiet time.
22:23
SPEAKER_00: Eventually you stop asking, what do I need?
22:28
SPEAKER_00: You start asking, what would keep everybody from being upset with me?
22:32
SPEAKER_00: That question can shape your whole life if you let it.
22:37
SPEAKER_00: Think about one thing you have that makes you feel good, that you do that makes you feel good about you.
22:46
SPEAKER_00: And think about that one thing that you've been putting off something that would bring you growth, relief, excitement, or Little more freedom.
22:57
SPEAKER_00: Whose response are you waiting for?
23:01
SPEAKER_00: And does that person actually need to make this decision for you or with you?
23:06
SPEAKER_00: Or have you handed them authority over something that belongs to you?
23:10
SPEAKER_00: It's a big difference.
23:12
SPEAKER_00: If a decision affects shared finances, child care, or commitment you made together, have that conversation.
23:20
SPEAKER_00: You don't want to be selfish.
23:22
SPEAKER_00: You don't want to act like you're the only person involved in your situation when you have a family, you have a spouse or a partner to consult with, and you have other priorities.
23:32
SPEAKER_00: So have that conversation.
23:34
SPEAKER_00: But make a responsible plan.
23:37
SPEAKER_00: But someone disliking your goal does not automatically mean your goal is wrong.
23:42
SPEAKER_00: Someone not supporting your goal does not mean your goal won't flourish.
23:46
SPEAKER_00: Someone not validating you does not mean you're not valid.
23:52
SPEAKER_00: Choose you.
23:54
SPEAKER_00: Someone feeling uncomfortable with your confidence does not mean you need to become smaller.
23:59
SPEAKER_00: Stop making yourself little.
24:00
SPEAKER_00: Stop dumbing yourself down.
24:02
SPEAKER_00: I my father used to say it all the time.
24:05
SPEAKER_00: When people talk to you and the conversation starts going above their thought process, and they say, You think you know everything, you look them square in the eye and say, You don't know enough to be talking to me.
24:16
SPEAKER_00: Go talk to somebody else.
24:18
SPEAKER_00: Because people love to give you unprecedented insults when they can't keep up with the conversation.
24:25
SPEAKER_00: When they can't keep up with your growth and your vision, they want you to dumb it down, make it smaller so that they can understand.
24:31
SPEAKER_00: It ain't meant for them to understand.
24:33
SPEAKER_00: It's meant for you.
24:35
SPEAKER_00: That's your choice, that's your vision, that's your path, that's your future.
24:40
SPEAKER_00: It's meant for you.
24:41
SPEAKER_00: Stop talking to them.
24:42
SPEAKER_00: Stop sharing with them.
24:44
SPEAKER_00: Just say, okay, have a good day and keep it moving.
24:48
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes people need time to adjust to a version of you who speaks clearly about what she wants.
24:54
SPEAKER_00: Girl, they can't handle you when you ain't passive.
24:57
SPEAKER_00: They can't handle you.
24:58
SPEAKER_00: They're gonna call you mean, they're gonna call you aggressive, they're gonna call you everything in the world, but you just stand 10 toes down and say, Hey, I just chose me today, girl.
25:06
SPEAKER_00: I chose me.
25:07
SPEAKER_00: I chose what I want to say, what I want to do, how I want to walk, how I want to feel, how I want to dress, how who I want to date, what I want to live in, what I want to live like, what I want to drive, what I want to do with my hair, what I want to do with my nails.
25:20
SPEAKER_00: I chose me.
25:22
SPEAKER_00: And if you can't handle that, talk to somebody else.
25:26
SPEAKER_00: And just let them have that time.
25:29
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to spend it standing still.
25:31
SPEAKER_00: And let's talk about waiting for somebody to choose you in a relationship, waiting for clarity, waiting for effort, waiting for somebody to finally recognize everything you bring to that goddamn table.
25:43
SPEAKER_00: Girl, sit at that table by yourself and let them look in from the outside and say, Damn, she really is that T-bone.
25:52
SPEAKER_00: She really is sitting there, dawg, dawg, pretty back straight.
25:58
SPEAKER_00: She is what she said she was.
26:01
SPEAKER_00: You deserve to ask honest questions about where you stand.
26:04
SPEAKER_00: You also deserve to make decisions based on the answers you receive and the behavior you continue to see.
26:10
SPEAKER_00: Your life can't run forever on the possibility that somebody might become ready.
26:15
SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, what can I choose today?
26:17
SPEAKER_00: With the information I have today, that is where your power starts coming back.
26:25
SPEAKER_00: Choose your peace without explaining yourself into exhaustion.
26:30
SPEAKER_00: So many people are posting every time.
26:32
SPEAKER_00: Oh, what's understood don't need to be explained, but you spend countless hours explaining it.
26:38
SPEAKER_00: You spend countless posts explaining it.
26:41
SPEAKER_00: You spend countless minutes explaining it.
26:45
SPEAKER_00: You're exhausted.
26:47
SPEAKER_00: Stop explaining it.
26:50
SPEAKER_00: Now let's talk about peace.
26:52
SPEAKER_00: Peace isn't always a perfectly quiet room or a vacation somewhere beautiful.
26:58
SPEAKER_00: With somebody serving you, drinks coming, bottomless mimosas, all you can eat.
27:06
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes peace is putting your phone down instead of answering a message that you know will turn into an argument.
27:12
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes peace is saying, I'm available tomorrow, and letting that sentence be enough.
27:18
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes peace is leaving a conversation when people stop listening and start insulting, just cut them off and walk away.
27:26
SPEAKER_00: It may be hurtful, you may have years, you may have memories, but sometimes that peace is just saying, I'm gonna stop listening while you're insulting, and I'm gonna just stop talking and I'm gonna walk away.
27:43
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes peace is making a plan so you don't have to keep living inside the same avoidable stress.
27:49
SPEAKER_00: Plan your day, plan your hour, plan your future.
27:53
SPEAKER_00: God does not laugh at us when we make plans, and that's been a cliche that's been going on forever.
27:58
SPEAKER_00: God does not laugh at us when we make plans.
28:00
SPEAKER_00: God applauds us, He sees us and He knows that we're trying.
28:06
SPEAKER_00: We're trying to find the purpose in which He has already ordained for us.
28:10
SPEAKER_00: We're trying to walk in that light.
28:12
SPEAKER_00: We're trying to figure it out.
28:13
SPEAKER_00: We wrote it down, we prayed about it.
28:16
SPEAKER_00: We woke up, we cried, we figured, we didn't figure it out, but God said, I'm gonna help you.
28:22
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna help you figure it out.
28:24
SPEAKER_00: And it's okay to not always have that answer.
28:29
SPEAKER_00: So make that plan so you don't have to keep living inside that stressful box of chaos where everything is all everywhere.
28:38
SPEAKER_00: Order is my best friend.
28:40
SPEAKER_00: Order has always been my best friend.
28:42
SPEAKER_00: I ironed my clothes the night before for years.
28:46
SPEAKER_00: I laid out my children's clothes for the whole week for years.
28:50
SPEAKER_00: Order was my plan because the chaos in my life and in my head, they didn't always agree.
28:57
SPEAKER_00: And they couldn't always come to a common ground.
29:01
SPEAKER_00: And then you add chaos in the world on top of that, and all the people that you're trying to please, and you gotta do this and do that, and your job, and this, and that, and the third, you fall apart.
29:12
SPEAKER_00: You will fall apart, and there will be no peace when there is chaos.
29:20
SPEAKER_00: Many women struggle with the moment after they set a boundary.
29:27
SPEAKER_00: You say no, and then the guilt arrives.
29:31
SPEAKER_00: You start wondering whether you sounded mean, you think about sending another message, you begin explaining your schedule, your feelings, your childhood, your intentions, everything.
29:40
SPEAKER_00: Oh Lord, let me let me share how toxic life has been before you know it.
29:46
SPEAKER_00: Your boundary has become a negotiation you never intended to open in the first place.
29:51
SPEAKER_00: Let me remind you of something.
29:53
SPEAKER_00: You can be clear and kind without convincing everybody that your needs are valid.
29:57
SPEAKER_00: Try saying, I can't take that on this week.
30:00
SPEAKER_00: I want to help you, but this is what I can realistically offer.
30:05
SPEAKER_00: I don't have it.
30:07
SPEAKER_00: Or better yet, you don't even have to say you don't have it.
30:10
SPEAKER_00: Just say not today.
30:12
SPEAKER_00: I'm willing to talk when you can speak respectfully to those who love to throw insults and slick shots.
30:19
SPEAKER_00: Hang up, say goodnight, talk to me when you have respect for me.
30:25
SPEAKER_00: Respect for my opinion, my beliefs, my morals, and what comes out of your mouth aligns with what's going in my ears.
30:32
SPEAKER_00: If not, I'm gonna block you and keep it moving.
30:36
SPEAKER_00: It's okay to say I need time to think before I answer.
30:41
SPEAKER_00: You ain't gotta go, you ain't gotta get back right quick.
30:43
SPEAKER_00: You ain't gotta always be quick on your feet.
30:45
SPEAKER_00: I used to think I always had to be quick on my feet, and I always had to answer to have an answer for everybody's problems right then because I figured they wouldn't be calling me or consulting with me if they didn't think I had to answer.
30:57
SPEAKER_00: But I had to learn to say, hey, give me a minute.
31:00
SPEAKER_00: Let me think about this.
31:01
SPEAKER_00: Because when I didn't, their problem became my problem, their burdens became my burdens, their heartache became my heartache, and I started confusing their life with my life.
31:11
SPEAKER_00: Like, I want to let this motherfucker did this to me, and then I'm questioning myself, like, oh yeah, would I?
31:17
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
31:18
SPEAKER_00: So give yourself a minute.
31:20
SPEAKER_00: So I need time to think.
31:22
SPEAKER_00: Then I'll get back with you.
31:26
SPEAKER_00: Those are all complete useful sentences.
31:32
SPEAKER_00: Boundaries require follow-through.
31:34
SPEAKER_00: If you say you're not answering work messages after a certain hour, what will you do when a routine message arrives?
31:40
SPEAKER_00: Don't answer.
31:42
SPEAKER_00: If you say you won't stay in a conversation where you're being insulted, how will you end that conversation?
31:47
SPEAKER_00: End it.
31:48
SPEAKER_00: A boundary becomes clearer when your actions match your words.
31:52
SPEAKER_00: Say what you mean, mean what you say, do what you do.
31:55
SPEAKER_00: Don't care.
31:56
SPEAKER_00: Don't care.
31:57
SPEAKER_00: Don't give all that care to people who don't respect all that care to people who don't have boundaries and don't respect boundaries.
32:03
SPEAKER_00: Don't give all that care to other people.
32:06
SPEAKER_00: Now, someone may feel disappointed.
32:09
SPEAKER_00: That doesn't automatically mean you've harmed them just because you didn't set your goals with their goals, and what you wanted for you didn't align with what they wanted for you.
32:21
SPEAKER_00: People can have feelings about your decision, and you can still keep your decision.
32:26
SPEAKER_00: You don't need to become cold, you don't need to start a fight, you don't need to make a public announcement that everybody is being cut off.
32:33
SPEAKER_00: You can simply become more consistent.
32:36
SPEAKER_00: Walk away with consistency.
32:39
SPEAKER_00: Choose you.
32:41
SPEAKER_00: You can also listen when somebody raises a fair concern.
32:44
SPEAKER_00: Choosing yourself leaves room for accountability.
32:48
SPEAKER_00: And that's a big word.
32:49
SPEAKER_00: That's a big word, ladies.
32:51
SPEAKER_00: We don't like to take accountability sometimes.
32:54
SPEAKER_00: And that's that's just us.
32:55
SPEAKER_00: We have a we have a lot on our plate, we do a lot, and sometimes we get caught up in self-pity and we don't take accountability.
33:06
SPEAKER_00: But that's also a part of choosing you.
33:08
SPEAKER_00: If you broke a promise acknowledging, if your delivery was hurtful, repair it.
33:13
SPEAKER_00: But repairing your delivery doesn't require abandoning your need because they need to understand that you matter and you are a part of that conversation and you are part of that peace, and you are a part of choosing you as well.
33:26
SPEAKER_00: They don't get to just hurt you and expect you to take all the accountability.
33:30
SPEAKER_00: You can say, I could have communicated that better.
33:35
SPEAKER_00: And I still need this time for myself.
33:38
SPEAKER_00: And while our relationship may not be done forever right now, I need this time for myself.
33:43
SPEAKER_00: And if it withers and if it goes away and stays away forever, then I want women to be.
33:50
SPEAKER_00: But if not, you're taking that time for yourself to calm things down.
33:55
SPEAKER_00: That is a grown woman's conversation.
33:58
SPEAKER_00: Think about the places where you feel drained every single week.
34:02
SPEAKER_00: What keeps happening?
34:04
SPEAKER_00: What are you agreeing to?
34:06
SPEAKER_00: What limit could make a difference in your day-to-day and in your weekly decision-making process to keep you from feeling so drained and so tired and so wore out.
34:19
SPEAKER_00: Your peace deserves more than a wish.
34:22
SPEAKER_00: Give it a practical plan.
34:28
SPEAKER_00: Ladies, plan your life.
34:31
SPEAKER_00: Plan it up to a hundred if you want to.
34:33
SPEAKER_00: Hell, ain't nobody counting your scores and know your scores but God.
34:38
SPEAKER_00: Plan it.
34:39
SPEAKER_00: Choose yourself and your career.
34:43
SPEAKER_00: A lot of women know how to work very hard.
34:47
SPEAKER_00: We know how to balance, we know how to take care of the house, take care of the kids, go out, work a job.
34:51
SPEAKER_00: We know how to show up, solve problems, cover the gaps, stay late and make things happen.
34:56
SPEAKER_00: Get up early and make things happen.
34:58
SPEAKER_00: But sometimes we become so focused on being useful that we stop asking whether the work is helping us build the life we want.
35:06
SPEAKER_00: Are we just doing busy work?
35:09
SPEAKER_00: Or are we building the life that we want?
35:11
SPEAKER_00: Create the life you want to live.
35:12
SPEAKER_00: You can be excellent at your job and still need a change.
35:16
SPEAKER_00: You can appreciate an opportunity and still want better pay.
35:19
SPEAKER_00: You can care about the people you serve and still need a schedule that allows you to rest.
35:24
SPEAKER_00: You gotta work yourself the doggone death.
35:27
SPEAKER_00: I mean, people tend to think that.
35:28
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I work hard, I worked so hard, I did so much, and um and what?
35:38
SPEAKER_00: You now you're tired.
35:39
SPEAKER_00: Just tired for no reason.
35:40
SPEAKER_00: You did all that, and you just tired.
35:44
SPEAKER_00: Take a minute.
35:45
SPEAKER_00: Let's pause a minute and ask ourselves: are we creating the life that we want to live?
35:55
SPEAKER_00: We deserve it, right?
35:58
SPEAKER_00: Our careers deserve us to show up and for them to show up for us.
36:07
SPEAKER_00: Choosing yourself might begin with choosing yourself.
36:14
SPEAKER_00: Y'all thought I was gonna say something magnificent, didn't you?
36:16
SPEAKER_00: No, it's simple.
36:19
SPEAKER_00: And I said I was only gonna be here 20 minutes.
36:22
SPEAKER_00: I went over because this is a very, very passionate topic for me.
36:30
SPEAKER_00: And it should be for you as well.
36:32
SPEAKER_00: Because we do tend to lose ourselves when we become mothers, when we become girlfriends, when we become wives, when we're out in the work field trying to climb that ladder, knowing that it's not always fair for us.
36:45
SPEAKER_00: We've had we've had some disadvantages in in the workforce, and it's visible.
36:51
SPEAKER_00: And we forget sometimes that we gotta include ourselves in this conversation.
36:58
SPEAKER_00: We get too committed to being understood by others that we stop expecting anything from ourselves and understanding ourselves, and that's so unfair.
37:16
SPEAKER_00: Make your life clear and visible to you.
37:21
SPEAKER_00: Choosing yourself means you stop ignoring the evidence that you know is causing chaos just because you love the possibility of maybe this person might be there, maybe the support might come, maybe I might get their promotion, maybe this might happen.
37:43
SPEAKER_00: No, make it happen.
37:46
SPEAKER_00: Make it happen for yourself.
37:48
SPEAKER_00: Push through those doors, change the narrative, and choose you.
38:02
SPEAKER_00: Tell yourself I'm allowed to make mistakes and also make thoughtful choices for my future.
38:12
SPEAKER_00: I can love others and care for myself.
38:15
SPEAKER_00: My needs matter.
38:19
SPEAKER_00: And today I choose me.
38:23
SPEAKER_00: This Yugirki, and you've been listening to Run Your My Podcast.
38:27
SPEAKER_00: Share this episode with a woman who needs a little encouragement to stop putting herself last.
38:32
SPEAKER_00: And when you finish listening, take that one step you called in your spirit, and you name for yourself and made it yours.
38:44
SPEAKER_00: You personalize that one call that's all thought.
38:51
SPEAKER_00: And you take a minute and finish it.
38:54
SPEAKER_00: Choose your joy, choose your peace, choose your happiness, choose you.
39:02
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for tuning in to Running My Podcast.
39:04
SPEAKER_00: Until next time, this girl again.