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Why do narcissists tend to make things worse · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on beautiful people?
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  Welcome to another episode of the narcissist Code.
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  I'm your favorite selfaware narcissist Mr. Lee Hammock
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  better known as mental illness across all social media
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  platforms. This is the first time to see my
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  face or hearing my voice. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and use my platform on social media to raise the
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  word for NPD, get more people into therapy and also validate
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  the victims, survivors and the thrivers of said disorder, said
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  toxic people said toxic traits. Today's episode y'all is going
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  to be about why do narcissists? Always seem to make things
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  worse. Why did everything gets worse
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  before it gets better? Before we hop into today's
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  episode, y'all I got to shout out this self love brand.
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  This is the I'm resilient shirt. I love me, it's the logo.
• 0:43
  I'm resilient. The link is in the description
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  of every single video and podcast that I do.
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  Thank y'all so much for the support.
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  Okay y'all here we go. Why do narcissists?
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  Always seem to make things worse, Like compound, like
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  compounding things, compounding issues, always making issues
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  worse before they get better. Like nothing ever gets resolved.
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  I've spoken about this before, y'all, but so many narcissists
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  like shame is a great provocation for narcissists like
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  shame is. It provokes narcissistic people
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  to do a lot of horrible stuff. And the crazy thing about it is.
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  Instead of just dealing with the shame, holding ourselves
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  accountable and knocking it out and handle handling things right
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  here in the moment, a lot of narcissists will instead
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  compound what they have done and do more things to avoid the
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  shame. They do worse things to avoid
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  the shame. Like if I go out here and steal
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  some money instead of just like if I steal some money on my
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  wife's purse instead of just like admitting to it.
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  I just, you know, I yell and scream at her and I yell at her
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  and start a huge argument. Now you know, you see what I'm
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  saying? I just compounded instead of
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  just like damn, I'm my fault. I'm sorry I did that.
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  But it's still bad. This is not.
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  I'm still a man on my my wife's purse.
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  Anything like that. My wife's.
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  We should stay at home mom. So we're not doing that.
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  But this is just an example. And now people just like Lee.
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  You steal the money. Just admitted no y'all we it's
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  just Wilder. We we have shared accounts.
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  I would still be out of purse this sillyness but yeah.
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  Let's just say this is an example like I steal something
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  from her instead of just like damn I did steal this.
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  She catches me instead of saying I did steal this.
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  I'm so ashamed that I saw yelling and screaming at her and
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  making her feel guilty. I used Darvo on her, which is
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  yesterday's video and what not. So I just added to my mistake.
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  So now not only have I got caught stealing money, now I
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  have the shame of yelling and screaming and arguing over
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  something I know I did. Now I know I did it.
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  But now I've been arguing, yelling and screaming about it.
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  So you what can I do about it? Now you see what I'm saying?
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  A lot of narcissists, the people do this right here.
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  Y'all we compound instead of dealing with it, we compound it.
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  Instead of knocking it out, we compound it.
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  Instead of fighting through it, we compound it.
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  You know what I mean? It happens so much in touch with
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  relationship spaces. Y'all It's just like it is crazy
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  as hell How it works out like this.
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  We compound the shame. We do more, we do worse thing.
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  We always make things worse before they get better and
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  sometimes they don't get better. No, they don't give a the
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  narcissistic person like we are. Our egos are so big and we are
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  so afraid of shame that we just won't apologize.
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  And so now what you So you see what just happened right there.
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  This is how things get worse right here.
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  You see that in the example that I gave, I stole all my wife's
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  purse, right? She found out she she she she
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  found out. She confronted me about it.
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  I yelled and screamed and denied at her.
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  Said horrible, evil things to her that cannot.
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  I said things to her that probably could not be taken
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  back, right? Evil, horrible things that you
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  can never forget. That was said.
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  And now I don't apologize. So you see, I just compounded
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  shame now, just adding. Now.
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  Things are getting worse now because I'm not talking about it
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  anymore. So those three things that
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  happened and they're just adding to it because I haven't
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  apologized. It's just getting worse.
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  Narcissistic people always seem to make things worse because I
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  want to avoid shame. I want you to take
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  accountability, for I stole money from you because you
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  should have just gave it to me. How did you know I didn't need
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  you? Should have known that I needed
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  some money. If you really love me, you'd
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  have just gave it to me. What made me steal it from you?
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  You know what I'm saying. But it's just a vague issue.
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  Y'all. It's another another issue.
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  They'll cheat on you, blame you, hit you, and then leave you for
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  somebody else. They just compound things.
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  Well, I I hit you. Now get locked up.
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  You some man. Alex Murdoff.
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  Compounded his shame of unlike he come back, he was still Alex
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  Murdoff had a like Alex Murdoff. Y'all look at Alex Murdoff from
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  South Carolina, the lawyer that unaligned his wife and son.
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  He's in jail now for unaligned his wife and son.
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  But you see what he did. Y'all he had a drug issue.
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  Instead of going to actually get help and working himself from
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  wow Saw online, he started stealing money to support his
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  drug issue. You see what I'm saying?
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  So now he's got the shame of the drug issue, Now he's got, he's
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  compounded that, made things worse because now he's stealing
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  money from clients and his business partners and his family
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  and things like that. But he got caught.
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  He got caught stealing money. So instead of just dealing with
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  that, guess what he did? He unalied his wife and son to
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  try to divert attention from that, and now he's in jail for
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  the rest of his life. You see, and now he's getting
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  sued out of his brain. The money is gone, the drug
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  addiction. But you see how he just made
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  things worse. Chris Watts made things worse.
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  He kept progressively making things worse.
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  The narcissistic person that you're dealing with is going to
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  progressively make things worse. It happens all the time.
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  Just adding things to it, not making things worse.
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  Right now, because I'm not handling the situation I should
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  be handling. I'm not dealing with the stuff
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  that I should be dealing with because I'm afraid to deal with
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  the shame because my ego is so damn inflated and so big.
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  I'm afraid to deal with it right now.
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  It happens so much. Y'all.
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  It's one of those scenarios. In these situations, it happens
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  so much. Narcissistic people have to
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  understand that you're only going to make things worse on
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  yourself, make things harder on yourself.
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  When you keep doing things like this over and over and over
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  again, you know what I mean. You keep doing the same thing
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  over and over and over again instead of just knocking it out
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  and handling it right now, when it's small and it can be
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  handled, you make things worse to the point where no, it no, no
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  lurker can be handled. You see what I'm saying?
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  Narcissistic person. Argues with you, forgets
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  something, argues with you now, they now they give you the
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  silent treatment. You know what I'm saying now?
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  And they don't want to talk to you anymore because now it's too
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  late. Now, in the mind of a
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  narcissist, sometimes when they've compounded the shame so
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  much, like now it's too late to go back.
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  They feel like, well, it's too late for me to go back now.
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  I haven't talked to you. I haven't talked to you in the
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  two weeks now. I'm embarrassed.
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  Now I'm definitely not going to talk to you now because now I'm.
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  I'm super ashamed of myself. So I'm definitely not going to
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  talk to you right now. Nope, I'm not talking to you at
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  all. You know, they keep not wanting
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  to talk to you at all. And then guess what?
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  They keep compounding the shame till it gets worse.
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  And now boom, gotcha. You should say it just adds up.
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  It just adds up. That's why so many times when
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  you're dealing with a narcissistic person, you have to
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  be the one who goes and talks to them to break the silent you.
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  Have to be the one that goes and apologizes to them for making
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  them yell and scream and hit you.
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  You have to be the one to do something to to start restarting
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  the relationship or to get them out of this shame funk, this
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  shame spiral. That's what they're doing, is
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  the shame is just making them spiral around like little toxic,
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  little toxic gas tornadoes. They're just spiral.
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  They're just spinning, you know what I'm saying?
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  Just spinning around, destroying, destroying their own
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  lives. Because they can't control it
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  and they don't want to actually deal with the shame and things
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  like that. Y'all.
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  It is a horrible, horrible experience having the mindset if
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  a narcissistic, toxic person, it just one of those things.
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  Y'all it. It just is like I've compounded
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  so much. I see right now.
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  I feel like the difference between me and a lot of
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  narcissistic people. I'm not saying I'm better than
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  other narcissists, y'all, but I feel like the biggest difference
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  in the in my in my mindset, in the way a lot of narcissists
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  minds work is that I I've stopped compounding the shame as
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  much. You know what I mean?
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  I've stopped compounding it as much.
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  I was just like I I I stop it right now.
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  Like if I do something bad, I apologize or handle it right
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  then and there in the moment as opposed to doing worse things to
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  cover it up, to deal with it. You know what I mean?
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  Worse things, making things worse.
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  Narcissist people always make things worse because they
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  avoiding shame, they avoiding accountability.
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  They're avoiding the what we think is going to be rejection,
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  trying to avoid. Another thing we're trying to
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  avoid is making us is to not feel like a bad person.
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  You know what I mean? That's what they're trying to
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  not to feel like believe they are bad people.
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  I'm just telling you the mindset of narcissist.
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  We don't want to feel like bad people.
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  We might be doing some bad stuff, but we don't want to feel
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  like bad people. So we try to avoid dealing with
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  the accountability that would make us feel like a bad person.
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  You see, I'm going with this, you know, we try to avoid the
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  accountability or the mindset or the actions that will make us
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  feel like a bad person overall. And it happens so, so much
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  y'all. It's just one of those things
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  that happened. You know, it just keeps
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  happening. It just keeps happening over and
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  over and over again until it just breaks through.
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  It just break. You got to break free of it, you
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  know? But Lee, how can we make them do
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  that? You got you.
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  You can rarely if ever make a narcissist do something, but you
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  have to have some type of leverage.
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  The only way you can make a narcissist move on something
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  that they want to do in their lives is to have some type of
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  leverage on them. You have to.
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  If you don't have no leverage, no, no movement.
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  No leverage, no action, no leverage, none of this.
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  You know what I mean? You have to have some type of
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  leverage to make them move. You just have to.
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  If you don't have leverage, yeah, if you don't have any type
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  of leverage or anything to make them move, they're not going to
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  move. There was a lot of times you
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  have to be the one that goes and talk to them.
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  The only leverage you have is your person, your body, your
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  being, your, your availability, the access to you.
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  You see what I'm saying? Access to you is the only
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  leverage that you have sometimes when you're dealing with in our
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  statistic person. And a lot of times, y'all being
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  realistic. That's just not enough.
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  Y'all. I'm not saying that you're a
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  worthless person. I'm not saying it at all.
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  But to a narcissistic person, it's me.
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  First I want to avoid the shame. So me first, me, me, me, me, me,
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  me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Like the little Rd. the
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  Roadrunner. Y'all.
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  Anyways, y'all if y'all know when you're watching this video,
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  it is 715 July 15th. Luke Combs tonight in Charlotte,
• 10:21
  NC. It's a 2023.
• 10:22
  Yeah so I don't know when you're watching this.
• 10:24
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• 10:29
  Love shop. Thank you so much y'all but the
• 10:30
  hoodness is out. Peace.
• 10:33
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 10:35
  Y'all thank you for watching all way through.
• 10:36
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• 10:39
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  Y'all thank you so much and turn this is out peace.