Latest / High Five Hot Mess Podcast / You Don’t Do Life Alone: The Power of Your Crisis Circle
Transcript
- High Five Hot Mess Podcast: Whenever I look at my life and I think, okay, the things that I have are pretty great, but I will tell you, I didn't get any of them along because I am panicking that I'm going to fail statistics, not get my masters or get murdered by a craigslist tutor. I don't know. Okay. I say this all the time to anybody who will listen, that it's not what you know, it's who you know. Right? And I am a person. that often ask others for help. So Lisa and I, 50-50, yang and yang, Lisa Smith is not someone who likes to ask people for help. Whereas I am immediately, as as I get a question, if I can't answer, it's tough in my head. I'm going to my AI co-pilot. I'm going to Google. I'm picking up the phone. And I don't think there's a right way or a wrong way. I think both ways are fine. But one of the things that you have to kind of understand is that when you embark on a solo podcast, or you did not think you were going to be doing a solo podcast, there's a million different questions that are going to come up and a million different pathways and different directions that you can go. And honestly, I didn't know what to do. So I wasn't sure if we should just pause altogether and just put the podcast on hold, but we'd had all this great momentum. And we had just gotten all these episodes in the can and scheduled and ready to go. I just, wasn't sure what to do. So I did what any person my age probably does is I called up my circle of influence, my lady gang and Doug also included in that. And I kind of put it to them. It's like, Hey, you know, we have life changes, things happening at a moment's notice. And I don't really know what to do. What do you guys think we should do? And everybody unanimously. unanimously across the board said you should continue doing the podcast until Lisa gets back. Like you don't want to start something, get people excited, and then it's just like blank space until someone else shows up, right? So I agreed with that and it really kind of made me look at my circle of friends and who could help me, who would help me. So the first thing I did was I called one of my very best friends, H, I'll call her that. ⁓ She is my crisis friend. So you know how you have certain friends that you call for certain reasons, right? So my crisis friend is my person that no matter what I call and tell them, I know that they're gonna get back to me on, and they're gonna listen and they're not gonna judge, and they're gonna give me great advice. H is 1000 % my crisis friend. And so I called her and I'm driving and I'm literally crying because I'm an idiot. Because it just, know, when you have all of this passion and emotion in something that is not work, for me, that's a really important thing. So I don't have many things outside of work that I do. So when I put myself into something outside of work, it was really important that it be successful. Like I have a lot of emotional capital in this. And so of course I was like, boo hoo hoo, you know, what am I going to do? And I couldn't get into our socials. was after that all night session where I'm fighting with. meta, trying to figure out why it won't give me access to Facebook, it won't give me access to our Instagram. And I basically was like, well, then I just can't get access to anything. So I'm sorry, I don't know what to do. I can't get access to anything. I'm just going to have, we're going to have to wait. It's just going to have to stop. And she kind of was like, well, why don't we try this? And why don't we try that? And she is really great. She is my clutch person in a crisis. And then I called my technical friend who does, you know, all sorts of technical things. Like I'm pretty sure they're a hacker. And I was like, what do I do? And they were like, okay, here's how you get around this. Here's how you get around that. Here, share your screen. Show me what you're doing. And, you know, just like a hundred percent showed up for me in ways that I've never had anybody that I've had to ask for that kind of help. And they just really were like, okay, so you are not going to get into meta. It's just not going to happen. So you have to figure out what your next steps are. Do you know anybody that knows social media? And so I had figured out all of our platforms except for YouTube. I couldn't figure out YouTube. I couldn't get in. So I called my sweet baby nephew who is not a baby. He's a grown ass man. ⁓ and he's actually hilarious and one of my very favorite people. And I called him and said, can you meet me at 7 a.m. on a Sunday and have a technical meeting? Cause he does our intros on the podcast that you guys have already seen and he's great at it. And he is like, of course. So that was nice. And then I was kind of talking to him about what do I do about YouTube? You know, I don't know anything about this. I don't know anything about these podcast platforms. I mean, a hundred percent you guys, I got lucky on Spotify and Riverside FM, amazing, connected me directly to Apple. So this is freaking rad. But YouTube, I was kind of in the hole on that. I couldn't get in, I couldn't figure it out. And he was like, I'm going to figure this out for you. Don't worry about it. And so literally he just took that rock from me and just carrying it off to go take care of it for me. ⁓ so I mean, wow, I just cannot get over how much these people showed up to help me. ⁓ and then I got all sorts of great advice from people like, Hey, you know, you don't want to do this by yourself. Try to schedule guests. And I was like, yeah, but Lisa wanted to do guests. Like I don't want to do this without her. They're like, this is not forever. This is just short-term to keep things, keep the boat rowing until she gets back. But you know, it's going to be easier on you if you have guests. So then of course I'm sending out like, Hey AI, can you, and again, if you guys don't know, I use Microsoft Co-Pilot. I have, it's a British voice and it's a lady and I call her Kate and I talk to her all the time. And so I had Kate like write up a text message for me to send out to friends to say, Hey, I need, I need, I need help. Lisa's out. you know, it's just something she has to take care of. Can you guys help me? You know, I was going to put everything on hold, but the universe is telling me to keep going. So I don't want to do this without her, but I definitely don't want to do this alone. So I need a co-host. You guys and I had three people respond within an hour that they would definitely show up. They'd show up whenever I needed them. They just wanted to know what to talk about and what I wanted them to say. And I was like, I don't really... just want have a conversation. That's kind of the whole thing about our podcast was authenticity and not trying to script it too much and not trying to make it weird or canned. We wanted it just to be as real as possible so that you guys were experiencing these things with us. And so I have co-hosts now that have showed up that are going to fill the gap until Lisa gets back. which I know she's going to be so jealous. A couple of these co-hosts are real superstars and I'm really humbled that they're going to show up for us and do that. So just in general, you guys, I want to tell you a story. That's what I normally do during the bonus episodes. I want to tell you a story about how my friend H and Doug quite literally saved my life. I went back to school very late in life. and I was getting my master's at this point. And I had one class left literally for the semester to get at the end of my master's and it was business statistics. So you need to know, I, when I was little, I had a really hard time with math, but my older brother is a genius. He's super, super smart. And as we moved through elementary school, we were only a year apart. So I would come in behind him, literally the same elementary school, same teachers, same classes. And I just could not get math. I literally could not do it. And so by the time I got into the fifth grade, I could not count to a hundred. That's how bad it was for me. And when my parents were like, well, how was she passing? If she can't count to a hundred, all the teachers that had been my teachers over the years said they thought I was just being lazy. because my brother's so smart, how could I be so dumb? This is a true story. It sounds terrible, you know, this is 70s education, right? And so I had to get tutors. So I had tutors for four years every single night all summer long to get me caught back up. And that was the only reason that they would not fail me. And so I struggled with math my whole life because I had such a rocky start. But I was pretty good. Like I got through college, I had to go in person to all of my math courses when I went through college, but my master's was all online and I had one class left. I start and I've had all A's online on all of my online courses. Like when I commit to doing it, I do it, right? Like done. And I had no help from anybody. I was working full-time, going to school full-time, had a 4.0, high five to me, like killing it. and was this close to getting my master's. So I was feeling very proud of myself and kind of like, you know, aren't I fantastic? So the universe came in and kicked me in the ass like it always does. And it was like, you think you're pretty great. Well, guess what? We've got a treat for you. So this class was online. The professor did not like engaging with students. And so basically, if you asked a question and they gave you an answer, the answer was read the book. or the answer was watch the video. It wasn't like, hey, what are you not understanding about the video or what are you not understanding about the book? So basically I was on my own. You guys, the first test, I failed it. I failed it. I didn't just do poorly, I failed it. And for me, like literally I started to cry as soon as I got my score. And so I yelled for my husband, I'm like, Doug, you've got to help me. Like I can't, I don't. know what I'm doing in this class and I got an F. And he was like, I didn't sign up for business statistics. I have a full time job, Lisa. Like I can't, I can't sit with you and do this all the time. Like you got to have to figure out like somebody else who can help you and get a tutor or something like, which I get, I understand. But when you are in crisis and the one person you have that is your go-to person is like, I can't help you. It just makes it went from being panic to like sheer horror. that I was not gonna get my masters unless I found some tutor somewhere. I mean, I'm in my late 40s. Where am I gonna go find a math tutor? Like, I don't know, Hottie's List? I'm gonna get murdered as I'm looking for a statistics tutor. So I call my crisis friend H and I was like, H. And I will never forget this. I'm sitting in front of my fireplace on the little stoop, the step in front of it, and I'm covered in hives. from stress because I am panicking that I am going to fail statistics, not get my masters or get murdered by a craigslist tutor. I don't know. I was at a dead end and I had not really found myself in a situation like that before. I mean, there was really nothing I couldn't get my way out of or have someone who could help me if I needed it. So this was the first time that I really I didn't know what I was going to do so I called her. As I often call eight, crying. Like, I I can't figure this out, this stupid class and the professor just keeps telling me I need to read the book. I don't fucking get the book. And literally like hives head to toe. And she's like, okay, calm down. I'm like, yes. She's like, I'm gonna help you. Now you need to know H is one of the smartest people I've ever met next to Doug. Honestly, the two of them together when they were like working together, I got kind of jealous because I'm like, whoa, she's a super smarty. And I've always seen intelligence as sort of pornographic. So I love smart people. And I was like, ⁓ but nothing to worry about. They were so much alike. One was just male and one was female. That was it. They're both like super, super smart, really good looking, really personable, easy to talk to. Like I love them both madly. And so H says to me, she's like, I will come to your house and I will teach you business statistics. I'm like, that's it. Like you live an hour away. Like how are you, how can you commit to this kind of time? She's like, I'm going to do this for you because I know how close you are and you have all A's and you put in the effort. I'm going to teach you statistics. And you guys, when I tell you, she legit drove an hour and a half because she lived farther than I thought. every Saturday, showed up at 9 a.m. spent the whole day until the sun went down. We had dinner and she drove all the way home. She did this for three months to teach me business statistics. So like you guys, if you don't have an H in your life, you need to find one because everybody needs that crisis friend. Now I am, I'm the bat in my friendships, right? So when you need someone to like, tell you no holds barred what needs to get done. Like they send a bat into the discussion. That's me or the lighter if you're going to burn it all down. yeah, not helpful in every situation. Not in our Swiss army knife like my friend H is. you guys to this day, like, and I have to tell you, like Doug got into teaching me too, because they would start playing off each other because she would like. Doug would come and say, well, she's not getting it because you're explaining it like this and we should explain it like that. And then they would get into a little debate discussion. I would get up, go have a coffee, come back, and then they would figure it out and we would all move forward. And it became like this little team activity that we did every single, every single Saturday. And whenever I look at my life and I think, okay, like the things that I have are pretty great, but I will tell you, I didn't get any of them alone. Like as much as I would love to take credit. I absolutely cannot. Everything I have, everything of value that I have in my life, someone somewhere helped me. So whether we go all the way back and it was to that fifth grade teacher that just did not continue to pass me, that did the very hard thing of raising the red flag, say, hey, this girl can't count to a hundred and she's in the fifth grade. Like we, if this is an all hands on deck situation, when she could have very easily said, pass. She could have and she didn't and that was hard for her or, you know, throughout my life that the things that I've wanted or gotten and had to get a lot of emotional or personal capital involved. Someone was there for that to help me orchestrate that so that I could move it forward. So in my personal and my professional life, you guys, you don't accomplish anything alone. And this is just my heartfelt thank you and gratitude to all of my people. If I didn't mention you by initial, it is not that I do not love you madly or that you were not as helpful as everyone else. ⁓ It's just that, you know, I'm still a little overwhelmed by all the stuff that you guys have done for me and I just cannot tell you how much I appreciate it. And if you're listening to this or watching this, you know, you do not be afraid to ask for help when you need it and do not be afraid to stop and help someone when they need it because you guys are stuff. It pays forward tenfold what you give, you get, and what you get, you get, right? So a special thank you to all of you. Lisa and I are so, grateful to all the hosts that agreed to showed up. are overwhelmed with gratitude and we are so, so appreciative. So thank you so much, you guys. All right, guys, have a great week. Bye.