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Feeling of “Not Good Enough” · The Missing Secret Podcast

• 0:00
  Kelly Hatfield: Welcome to The Missing Secret Podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield,
• 0:04
  John Mitchell: Hey, and I'm John Mitchell, just like I was last week.
• 0:08
  Kelly Hatfield: We're back.
• 0:09
  John Mitchell: We're back. So I got a great topic for us today, the feeling of not good enough or not enough. And I'll tell you how this came up. This is, I find this pretty interesting. So I have a good friend of mine, Jason Dorsey, who is true expert on on generations. In fact, he was on 60 minutes a few years ago talking about generation. So he's, he's that level of of expert that 60 minutes would have him on. And so he comes and he speaks to my class of 36 students, which is ironic. You know, we have 36 listeners, and we have, I have 30 so about 36 but anyway, so he comes and he he speaks to my class, and he just crushes it. They love him. He covers, you know, how to create success when you're, you know, 20 years old and just a lot of, you know, cool things. And so they love him. They give him a standing ovation when he leaves. And so he and I go out and have lunch together, and he says to me, he says, you know, it's interesting. After I gave my speech, a number of your students came up and and wanted to talk about that feeling of not enough, not good enough. And you know, as I heard that I'm like, well, first of all, very interesting. Secondly, though, it's obvious why you would feel that way. If you're wired for survival and 75% of your thoughts are fear based, of course, you would have the feeling that you're not enough, you're not good enough. How could you not have that feel? But I'm curious, what is your take on this, because, you know, you or I do not have the feeling of not enough, and it's been a long time since we have but a lot of people do, and so I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.
• 2:16
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, it's interesting. I have a couple of thoughts, and the very first thing, when you just brought this up, I thought about when I was doing the absolute advantage podcast, and was interviewing leaders, you know, and had over 200 some interviews. It was so interesting, how frequently the topic of, you know, imposter syndrome, which is a version of not feeling, came up in those conversations. And these were people who had had a lot of success, you know, but had that imposter syndrome, or that little voice in their head, you know, telling them that, you know. So I find it fascinating, and to your point where, you know, it's just again, proof that even these people who've had a tremendous amount of success, still, because we're wired that way, would have that little voice, you know, whispering to them. And I'll tell you too. And I think this is a version of not feeling good enough. I can relate to that because, you know, I think, and I don't know, I haven't thought about this deeply at all. So, you know, I'm thinking out loud right now, is, could be dangerous. Well, I think to some degree that being a woman, you know that you are measured up against from a very early age. You know the the images that you're seeing in magazines. And I know even more so now for for women, now that I'm, you know, in my 50s, I don't feel that way, but I remember, it wasn't that long ago, you know, I would say 10 or 15 years ago that I would have those feelings come up and everything that we're related to, not necessarily me as a human being, but you know, the the external things, the things that don't necessarily matter quite as much. But I think that women, as women, we often will do that to ourselves. There's this game of comparison that comes up, I think, of, you know, as you're aging, you know, the interesting things that take place with that kind of mindset and everything. So I actually can relate to that. I wouldn't say that in terms of business or in my relationships or anything along those lines, but I absolutely have, at different stages of my life, felt that a version of that, and I don't know whether I'm not good enough, but a version not good enough where I've doubted myself, right?
• 4:33
  John Mitchell: Well, you know that's interesting, that you know people you had on your podcast that were clearly successful would have that imposter syndrome. And, you know, to me, I don't know, it just is so simple, it hurts that, of course, you have that if you're wired for survival, and every human being is, and you know, the research says that 75% of your thoughts are fear based, and you're reactive rather than ProAct. Connected on your agenda. You know, of course, you're going to have that feeling of not enough. How could you not have that feeling of not enough? And what stuns me is why more people can't connect the dots? You know, if you're wired for survival and it causes you to be fear based and reactive. You just got to override being wired for survival. What don't you get here and then, well, then the question is, well, how do you do that? Simple? You create the succinct articulation of your life and feedback to yourself every day where you're feeding here's exactly the person I want to be, here's exactly what I want to accomplish, and here's how I'm going to achieve my goals. You know, when you're feeding that in detail to yourself, all that wiring for survival and being fear based goes right out the window, just completely goes out the window. And you know, I'm amazed at how so many people can't get this very simple thought. What's your take on that? Why can't they get it?
• 6:09
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, I you know John. I know we've talked about this in a version before, but I'll tell you, it really resonated with me right out of the gate, but I didn't I'd never heard it before. I'd never heard the concept of the science behind it and be wired. You had hard that you were wired for survival. I heard I'd wire for survival, but this goes back to what we've talked about before. I've heard wired for survival. But did I think deeply about that? And really, was I really under clear about what that meant and how that impacted the way I moved through life, or anything. No, I don't think I was. I'd heard that phrase before, but I never understood the extent to how it was running my life.
• 6:50
  John Mitchell: Ah, that's iterence. Think about that. Yes, you know it goes back to you this shallow thinking, cold, yes, man, that you hear things that are profound, but because you're so flicked through with things that you don't really distinguish the profound from the glider, exactly. So that's a very interesting thought. Yeah, what else were you gonna say about it?
• 7:17
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah? No, I just think that. You know, that would be my, you know, my take on that is that we just don't think about any of this. You know enough to really understand it. But once you do, it is so simple, and you can see why reprogramming that subconscious, what happens, right? Because we've talked about this in every episode where, you know, then your actions are aligned with that. You know the future version of yourself. You know your goals, your aspirations. You know that best version of yourself. And as you take each and every action, you gain more and more confidence. You know, with that confidence, it starts to drown out that little voice you know that's in your head that might be saying you're not good enough, or whatever, you know, fill in the blank, I'm not whatever, whatever that negative thing is, it begins to drown that out because you're reprogramming that subconscious, and you're getting more and more confident with every action. It just picks up momentum and it continues to build one on the next, right?
• 8:16
  John Mitchell: You know, I'd say the other thing that it surprises because it's so simple, is that your morning routine actually determines the quality of your life and your success in life, and your enjoyment of life. Because, you know, of course, everybody has a morning routine, but very few people, I'm, you know, I'm talking, you know, maybe 2% do anything to impact their mindset, and candidly, when I look at what the 2% are doing, oftentimes it's better than nothing, but it's so false, so short to what it could be. But I don't see that most people grasp this idea of how powerful your morning routine is and how if you're serious about having the exception for life, you got to embrace having a morning routine that affects your mindset. I mean, it's just that simple. And again, I you know, everybody I talk to, I'm like, Well, tell me about your morning routine. And oftentimes like, wow, you're missing it. Yeah.
• 9:20
  Kelly Hatfield: And I think there's an important distinction for everybody to make, because you said that there's a morning routine that impacts your mindset, yes. Well, here's the thing, the majority of people are doing something every morning that affects their mindset, but not in a positive way, yeah, on their phone very you know you know what I mean. And so it's positively impact your mindset and focus your mind for the day. Get that reticular activating system working for you, because it's got a ton of clarity around how you're going to move through your day. You know, it's a game changer. But yeah, people are doing something every day. They're flipping on the news. Which is a no bueno. You know what I mean, as far as, like, right? Or setting your day up for success. And, you know, right out of the gate, first thing in the morning, they're hopping on their phones, they're scrolling, they're already beginning, you know, this cycle, you know, that feeds the subcon, or the way we're wired for survival, right? The negativity, the you're feeding the beast when you get onto your phone and you scroll and you watch the news first thing in the morning, and that is what the majority of people are doing.
• 10:29
  John Mitchell: You know, that's a great point. You know, it really supercharges being wired for survival, doesn't it? Oh, absolutely.
• 10:35
  Kelly Hatfield: It plays to our basis, our basic instincts that we have, and that's why they do it. It's designed that way. So it's like, take control back of your morning and be the the navigator, instead of, you know, be the leader of yourself instead of, you know, kind of the follower, right,
• 10:56
  John Mitchell: Right? You know, it's interesting. So I have now taught 12 classes of my class. You know that again, this is the first time that I have really had the full semester to teach all of think it be it. And so everything to this point has been laying the foundation. You know it's like, as an example, early on, like second or third class, I had to do their eulogy using chat GPT. Very interesting. You know, out out of that comes the perception of from a 20 year old standpoint, of, how do I want to be remembered? What are my top three values? Helpful? Because they probably hadn't thought about that before. Yep. Then, you know, we walk them through and creating a personal mission statement, how powerful that is, like Michael base, like you and me. Yep, then, you know, I've taught them, you know, the Daily, Weekly to Do system and being highly organized, and how to be a conduit of learning and and what that means, and exactly how to do that using podcasts and making a strategic relative to what you want to accomplish. And tomorrow I'm teaching them how to deep think two times a week. And so to this point, it's all been laying the foundation for really teaching them think it be it the core. Think it be it. And that starts on Thursday. And so as I am about to do it, I'm thinking, how do you roll into this with someone that you know was not familiar with it? They've heard me thrown on and on about how significant it was to learn that 95% of my daily thoughts and actions were unconscious. So they have, you know, I've been planning the seeds throughout the semester, and I was telling them, I said, you know, you gotta typically hear something seven times for it resonate. So I've been, you know, hitting those seven times on a number of topics, including being wired for survival. And so now, though we're right there. We're right there. And so help me brainstorm this on teaching it, and I think it will help our audience as well. And you know, the way I'm going to teach it, first of all, is to make them feel the pain of not feeling enough, not, quote, unquote, being good enough. You know, Jason opened that, that womb, and now I'm going to make them feel it a little more and make them understand where it comes from. And I would think that once they understand where it comes from, they're like, Oh, I mean, you think that's going to be the effect?
• 13:38
  Kelly Hatfield: I don't know. I'll have to, like, process this, because I'm just thinking of where they're at in life, too, their age, you know, and kind of, again, where they're at in life. Yeah, I'm not sure why I'm but I think,
• 13:52
  John Mitchell: But that point that you may that I think, is a great point that you've heard that they're wired for survival, but they never thought deeply about it. And when you can connect the dots of their damn sure connected to feeling like not enough, and if they can now connect something they're very familiar with, with something they've heard, you know, I could document it in science that 75% of your thoughts are fear based, you can certainly, you know, put the two together and say, Oh, I see why this is, I see why being wired for survival is so harmful to me. And, you know, so I that's sort of the ideas is, you know, people don't, don't react until they feel pain. And so that's my first thought is, make them feel their pain.
• 14:42
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, I think that that's important. And I think to helping them and the people who are listening right now, who are trying to wrap their head around this, I would give them ideas and examples of what not feeling good enough looks like. And how that shows up in your life, because I have no idea, though, yeah, well, and I think that's something you could throw out to the boat, yeah. So, yeah, when they, when they maybe it's because I think it presents in different ways. You know, it could present when, you know, you walk into a room and don't feel like you belong there, you know, or you go and sit off by yourself and don't purposely don't interact with people because you're quite sure what to say, right? We, you know, the fear of not being picked for something, or of not meaning, or of I'm, you know, I think that there are lots of things that come up comparing themselves to their peers and saying, Man, I'm not as far along as they are. You know, it's those kinds of things. And so I think getting them to, like, brainstorm, because I don't even know if they get, you know, I would be interested to hear Jason's feedback on when they mentioned that. What does that mean to them, and how does that show up in their life? When they say they're not, they don't feel good enough or like they're enough. How does that present in their life, and what does that hold them back from doing? You know? How do they think that impacts their life? You know? And so I would go a little bit more deeply, because I'm not sure at that age. And I honestly, when you're talking to somebody who whether it's 2040 that's something again, because we don't think deeply enough. It's something we say and that we, you know, maybe like a 30,000 foot understand what it means. But I think it's one of those things it's like when you're trying to determine your why, and you keep going layer by layer by layer, right? It's the same kind of thing. I think with this that there has to you've got to get to an understanding of what that means to them, because otherwise, I don't think it's painful, and like, I don't think the pain is there, you know what I mean. So you got to find where that pain is and have them understand and relate to how that shows up in their life and how that impacts them.
• 17:00
  John Mitchell: So explain that to our audience. That concept that I've heard you do before, which is great about going deeper and deeper on your why? Can you explain that?
• 17:10
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, this is actually something that I learned from Dean Graziosi and, you know. So basically, so let's just say, you know, there's a goal you have, you know. So I want you to be thinking about something that's a goal you're aiming for right now. So the first when I ask you why you want that, the first time, it's going to be kind of at the surface, and it's going to be likely an answer that's pretty generic that, you know, maybe you think that I want to hear, you know, something along those lines, it's going to be the canned kind of answer as to why. And then once that answer, once you know, you come up with that answer, then you say, Well, why is that important to me? Or you keep going and the each layer, it's eight times, and when you get to the eighth, when you get to the eighth, why? By the sixth y or whatever, you start to kind of maybe feel it physiologically of your body, where you get a lump in your throat, chest, maybe a little bit tight, because you're really getting to the emotion of it when you keep going deeper and deeper and understanding what that why is so like you're you know when you get down to it, you know the reason why you want to make this money, or whatever, is because you know of the feeling that you got growing up and living in a trailer, you know what I mean, or and feeling less you know, like you know. So once you get to that, oftentimes, when you can get super deep on what your My why is, and be really emotionally connected to that, that is the difference between, well, you know how we talk about all the time between success being merely a preference, or you know whether you're committed or whether you're just interested, it's the why, and getting deep and strong on your why allows you to be really committed. It means that when an obstacle comes up, you're going to keep pushing forward and pushing through, because you're so deeply connected to your why?
• 19:03
  John Mitchell: So, yeah, well, you know, this whole methodology is really about growing to understand yourself and at a very deep level. And I see that most people are, you know, they're is they're living their life like on a treadmill. They're not thinking about their life. They have so much going on that, that all they can do is to hope to stay on the treadmill. And so they're sure not, you know, purposely getting off the treadmill every once while to think about their life and to adjust how fast the treadmill is going, or maybe, you know, directions on their life. But, but, you know, I think that the joy to me today, of this methodology is it makes me love myself and appreciate myself at a very deep level. And you know, yes, I made mistakes and I've done things that were stupid, but, but so what I mean that's just the human experience. Kids, yeah, and you learn from them, and you progress. And this is true of everybody. When you look in the mirror, what's in your life is 100% you create. You created the good and you created the bad. Just own it. So you know, if you don't like what you see in the mirror, go fix it. You know, don't beat yourself up because, you know, but like the method that we're giving you, the 12 minute, the dining board of routine, this is how you fix it. It's simple as that. And I see that, you know, sweaty. I think the way I react to it oftentimes is, you know, sometimes I'm mad that people don't get it, but, you know, it's like a it's like a preacher speaking to atheists, they're not going to get it. But then when you're talking to the 2% that get it, man, they get it completely. And they get it like, just like when I met you, take following you and taking you, you cut it like that. Yeah, instant one. And that's, that's what I I see. I just, you know, I'm concerned about mankind, and I want our world to be right. And I see how I didn't like the 98% are. And it doesn't have to be that way, but by God, it is that one,
• 21:23
  Kelly Hatfield: Right? And to your point, it doesn't have to be that way. There is a solution, and it's so simple. It really is. I mean, we, you know, we talked about the work to get to the point where you've got your visualizations where, like all that clarity work and thinking deeply, right, is a challenge, because we have programmed ourselves to not think deeply, you know. So there is some process that you're going through that is a little bit painful in all the right ways that helps you, you know, but the methodology itself is so simple, once you've got that clarity locked in, and are, you know, practicing this,
• 22:00
  John Mitchell: It's interesting. And over the years, I have met people who, you know, maybe met me two years years ago. An example is, is the girl that's editing my book. You know, I met her 10 years ago in Dallas, or more or less 10 years ago, and we talked about this stuff, about how you have to have a morning routine that impacts your mindset, and the logical best morning routine would be to feed the succinct articulation of your life. You know, that's the central concept of the top book the world on success. So, you know, a lot of credibility behind that. So, you know, and she, she bought into it, but she didn't come to me and say, John, let me see that template of yours, she created her own template. And I've heard of a number of people doing this, and two things for Indy, when I think about that, first of all, good for you to have that, that wherewithal to go do it. But you know, my template now was 20 years in development, and it's so fine tuned and refined, and that's the cool thing of now putting it in time to an AI algorithm. You know, it's super easy because, you know, the challenge is not intellectually, getting the idea of feeding the safe articulation of your life to yourself that's fairly easily understood conceptually. But the challenge is when, once they go, Okay, well, I do this, then they're like, Well, what does he mean? You know, clarity about myself, about my marriage, about my health, about my my career, and what moves the needle and my strategy for success. You know, there's a lot of stuff there that they're like, where do I go with all this? Well, that's the beauty of where we're at today with this methodology. You know, you answer 50 questions, press a button, boom, it's created for you. And now the easy part starts. You just feed it yourself 12 minutes a day. And what happens is, over time, you know, you refine it and tweak it. And even if what you create it first isn't perfect, your subconscious mind and conscious mind will, you know, refine it so that you know once you see that you're reading it every day for a week or two, and there's no more refinements. And you're, you're, at that point, pretty close to having it where you want it. Yep.
• 24:28
  Kelly Hatfield: So it's so awesome. It's just it is life changing. I love getting that. I get to talk to you every week about it and share it with our 36 people and hopefully more.
• 24:37
  John Mitchell: All right, when you know we're gonna make the 36 36 million,
• 24:41
  Kelly Hatfield: There we go. I love it,
• 24:43
  John Mitchell: But bet you know, I'm gonna wait until I actually finished the book. It's not completely finished, and it's gonna be released January 14, and then I'm gonna start really getting on big podcasts. And that's a, I mean, it's this thing now that. At or, you know, all I got to do is go on podcasts and have a million plus blisters and do enough of those that a lot of people buy the book and we started moving so, you know, the the formula is pretty easy. Yep, absolutely. Okay. Well, until next time, we will see you.