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David Navarro - No soy yo eres tu · Comedy Central Stand-Up

• 0:02
  Comedy Central podcast ja new nights. How are you? You stretch me out?
• 0:23
  You' re stretching me, aren' t you? Aren' t
• 0:26
  you all right? Aren' t you all right? To lie that I
• 0:30
  catch you, to fuck you that people lie to you all day nining me,
• 0:38
  people walk man already. What I did couples is that you' re
• 0:41
  not you I' m not me now you' re you I was fucking
• 0:48
  chola, mother, bitch I' m an article, ya, uh,
• 0:58
  people' s article. Meanwhile, how long it takes, how long it
• 1:00
  ' s gonna take for her to step thirty minutes. Tons, I'
• 1:02
  ve got a head on my head. Thirty minutes and why it' s
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  given forty- five are dumb the shit, uh, I took forty-
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  five chairs, took forty- fifty Yeah, the secret isn' t in
• 1:11
  the dough. There' s another 15 minutes. It' s not going
• 1:15
  to be tied up or it' s not going to take 30 minutes for
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  pizza or the offer is valid, because it' s over last month and
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  the two for one are Wednesdays and they pick up the place and with only
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  one hand, but with the other one put sing your mother or sabla or
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  not quenal mia is not entertaining that I catch you pouting with a friend the
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  square of the city council of your city and it doesn' t arrive and
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  doesn' t call the mobile phone. Hey, Antonio, what time did
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  we meet nine pussy, nine twenty. Where you' re already, you
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  ' re coming, you' re coming, where you' re going,
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  uh, where you' re going next door. I' m sure tell
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  me what to see You' re looking at the miserable sign up there.
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  Yeah, I can' t be there for three years. You know that
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  Nietá does not veniente the veniente pisero friends, Veniente my girlfriend. Why,
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  when we' re getting ready at home to go out, why, when
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  we ask ourselves if you' re ready already, you say yes, that
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  ' s it, that you' re not there anymore, yes or let
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  ' s come back. Wait till you' re not jerking off, if
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  you just told me it was done. It' s like that last action
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  doesn' t count. I' m gonna get, like, cry,
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  shit half an hour that' s not gonna tell. Hey, eat the
• 3:07
  last action and, well, I' m gonna get to watch football.
• 3:14
  Check out the Getafe football. Shoot the virgin to die and we leave a
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  chance there a shot out of the first part the shit. I put you
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  like this, everything goes to the first part and the whole first part.
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  I' m lying for a minute and she' s coming Not that I
• 3:34
  ' m here Wait till you get a minute for the rest. Now that
• 3:36
  you put out the fire, shut up, shut up, and go to
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  love pot, don' t tell him not to lie to me. We
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  all lie all that, I mean, every day I' m glad when
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  you' re not happy with that about what' s going on in the
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  street and all day. Oh, I' m glad. I' m
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  glad you noticed the black one in the office. It' s turned me
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  on, I' m glad you' re not glad you' re not
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  so happy you didn' t touch me I' m glad you didn'
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  t. One Spaniard never rejoices that he plays the other lauter and the scream.
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  For all poor people, except for me. If one Spaniard is happy
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  when the other one' s doing wrong, how are you doing? It
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  ' s twisting me into a tubillo. He' s left me He doesn
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  ' t see my job. Oh, I' m glad to hear that.
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  There with a couple of huavos. Not there, there, he shits
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  you, there he tells you to get your yaw eyes. By the way,
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  if you rub the photoshop twice by the tits, you' re retouching,
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  not photoshop to go the same. That has to be explained. They
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  don' t lie, they burden us and watch us from above. The
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  state keeps an eye on each other every day. That' s why there
• 5:18
  are inspectors of healing wealth to people of the hour because they don' t
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  think you' re going to do it well and they' re right,
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  because otherwise, this would be a gurigay that I don' t look back
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  on. I' m not talking about an English tourist faggot approaching the coasts.
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  No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
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  no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
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  no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
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  This was a dickhead. The state doesn' t trust me. Okay,
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  I take it, but why do I have to trust him? Why don
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  ' t I get it. I swear to God, look. I was
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  just going to take the Madrid metro. I live Madrid, I was going
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  to take the subway and just as the races went down from Paris to the
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  subway, I realized that I had forgotten the East Metro voucher that there are
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  ten trips, that you get more profitable that you buy one by one and
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  I say well, I will buy another one that we are going to do
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  Come, nothing happens. I arrive at the box office and tell the taquiller
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  a ten- travel bonus. Please, that was the only sentence in the
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  conversation, because in fact it is and did not speak very well there in
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  Madrid. It costs twelve and twenty. I gave him fifty euros and two
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  with twenty loose for what, so that he would return the change here tied
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  up that he would not escape I know what I do with twenty nor looked
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  at him. He made a huge scorn of the box. Now he took
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  the diet fifty euros and started like this. Let' s see mm Let
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  ' s see this. Okay, don' t trust me. Check loa
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  is your job. Okay, don' t trust me. He doesn'
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  t know if he' s a jain boy He' s a barbender'
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  s sobino. I don' t know, you don' t know I
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  understand. Let' s see. The problem is, he' s gone
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  through the deadline. We all know there' s no time limit, but
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  there' s a time limit already when you start touching a little to the
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  best. That and I looked at the ticket and then I got blown up
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  what I was doing. Just like thinking about seeing if he' s gonna
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  be the thief we' re looking for in the neighborhood. In the end
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  he decided that the ticket was true. I don' t know I don
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  ' t understand that. I don' t know if it was the waterboats.
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  I got it. Diptedez decided it was true. So you saw my
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  travel day bonus. He put it here and my return my forty euros in
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  two twenty notes. He put it here and I say well, it'
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  s mine. Let' s see this sales ticket. Why I can do
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  that, why, of course I should. Well, well, well,
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  well, well. He laughed the guy' s face was and told him
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  what to fuck up. We should do it. Everybody do it. Please
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  put it into practice. Uncle had a bad time and I was glad he
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  had a bad time, because I' m so fucking sick of having a
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  hard time. I often go around, drive around for a performance in Spain,
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  and I swear to you, and I saw myself thinking about me.
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  Sometimes you seem point you don' t have to suffer needlessly and it'
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  s true this is over. Hey, that' s from suffering and need
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  to fuck up. From now on, when he looks at him with a
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  bisque, he looks at him with an eye and a fucking not that I
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  look at him and he looks at an eye and my eye I say pussy,
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  I know you, but pussy, I say love, I look at
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  him an eye, I say shit peselo will be the other thing and I
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  look at the other I say fucking goodbye that he' s gonna realize that
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  I' m there with a belly shot that fucks what the problem is I
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  hear you look at an eye and it' s done and if you don
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  ' t go by swearing tengolo here that you suffer that you do not?
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  What' s not? What' s not? What' s not?
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  What' s not? You' re done, aren' t you?
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  What' s not? And I' m not giving him two kisses.
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  Even gay that I don' t know him at all, it' s
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  that he sweats my dick. I know him that racist, but what a
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  bunch, that bunch, that asks not even gay or friendly. There'
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  s always Christmas, you have to give it a lot of satin my uncle
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  come on man, come on that, come on that come on that'
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  s because I' m family, because it was. But you and who
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  ' s your chair in Madrid, my village cousin. Oh, I'
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  m gonna guide you because you' ve been wanting to fuck with me for
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  the weekend. It' s just that I haven' t seen in Madrid,
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  nor have I, Philippine, to fuck it up Ah, I have
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  a responsibility to my aunt. There you see how his daughter is, which
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  I haven' t asked for at any time. You go alone to see
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  the meadow, you see the bear and the madroño and if they rape you
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  to see you, I create the town, the boves you put is that
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  I' m sick of you I don' t know. I' ll
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  do it you didn' t say it like that and I' ve told
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  you usually how it' s going to be. You' ve come pretty
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  ho You' ve got a good look today You' ve retouched yourself before
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  you came. He' s come to what he' s come with a
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  pomba. I' m happy very well, and the cuckoo you know is
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  really happy, really. I' m not lying, by the way,
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  about Epistorius, that it has neither feet nor head. You don' t
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  know that one, listen carefully, but you don' t know that it
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  ' s Pistorium who it is. But I say she, she doesn'
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  t know. There' s nothing wrong with asking the Pistorio, the athlete
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  who has no feet, who runs with prosthetics and who has been prosecuted for
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  allegedly killing his wife and has been sealed as reckless homicide. It' s
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  a plot that killed her for that she has neither a foot nor a head
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  for killing her good. There goes oviar zero. If you don' t
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  know something, you wonder no. There' s not such a house here.
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  They lie to us here, they burden us, they don' t
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  watch and they don' t manipulate you every day. That' s what
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  ' s most upsetting me to be manipulated by information manipulation. But pussy,
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  freedom of information is very important in our country, it is very important.
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  But if you have your opinion, don' t let yourself be manipulated.
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  From what a newspaper says or a talker, you have your opinion. Whatever
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  it is, I don' t care, but don' t let this
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  be manipulated There' s a lot of young people who don' t know.
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  But for years, in the eighties and nineties, they used to do
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  the same survey as they do now. Or that they do, and at
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  that time, as the main problem for citizens. He always went out to
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  ETA and that was a lie. It never was. It was a serious
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  problem, yes, but it wasn' t the first or the second.
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  Before that, you were worried about having the job, having access to health,
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  your vacations, your extraordinarys, hooking up with Marta, touching Marta'
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  s zets and fucking Marta. I don' t know what position this one
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  was in, but I can guarantee it was behind Marta. What' s
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  more, if you couldn' t fuck Marta. Your main concern was that
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  someone else didn' t fuck Marta. Well, this, thanks to the
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  crisis, doesn' t happen anymore. Now he knows the truth, because
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  if we were not in crisis, what would be the main problem for the
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  citizens the independence of Catalonia, when neither will I be but thanks to the
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  crisis, that is the truth, something good, Jones, he had to
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  have in the crisis, because to this face. It' s not a
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  thing to take away my dream of independence, either. I' m telling
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  you the truth is, if I tell you, I' m honest,
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  I' m a little up to my balls. The truth. Or you
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  think my girlfriend' s coming and she tells me David, I think they
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  ' re gonna make me one you' re the company. I say you
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  keep quiet I' m watching Catalonia, Cójones, we give the beer.
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  Come on, no, no, no, no, and I' m
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  against independence. I can say, of course, I will. Not for,
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  against why, because I just wouldn' t like it that simple.
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  Uh, no, there' s more, no, there' s more,
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  there' s more, but I, I don' t like forcing
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  people to be where they don' t want to be. I don'
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  t think that would be good and everything would be worse and they wouldn'
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  t put the gun in someone' s head. But me, but I
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  ' m against it. I am against it already, David, is that
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  many people ayá in Catalonia, who hates Spain and hates You look, as
• 15:00
  he said of the Gilipollas forest, there are everywhere, but there are in
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  Catalonia, in Madrid and in Jain but hate is the problem in which you
• 15:09
  do not have to fall. I know it' s not easy. It
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  ' s not easy because they manipulate you every day on one side and on
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  the other to hate you. But you can handle it and we will be
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  proud of You you can do it, because those who hate Spain look a
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  lot like my colleague José Ignacio Jogignacio is very Spanish, eh my school Jolin
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  is born to ne que diputa mother, but it doesn' t look much
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  like the other, but what defends to hatred if it seems enough. He
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  gets home and he was always with the PSP there playing around moving the TV
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  dio josé, what are you doing here watching the shit they' ll shit
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  all that was always the fucking flag of shit, yo, josé, easy
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  fuck what' s wrong with you sticking the flag in. I mean good,
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  like the Asturians who start with the flag everywhere, it' s okay,
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  not to be a fucking squeaky whore. I don' t think there
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  ' s any more nasty hydra, but at least you' ve seen yourself.
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  You' ve seen the boat' s second gear. Yes, if
• 16:10
  I' ve seen her, yes, no, like the one in Valencia
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  that has been ringing her for more years, she even has it. Yeah,
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  it looks like shit to me, to get a petted by the pole,
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  but at least you don' t have it. I don' t
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  know what independence is, like the Catalans. Well, in the pay under
• 16:25
  Tenmé there are people who love her, but such is shit. But,
• 16:26
  José, José, this step isn' t going to be alone, man,
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  I' m not going to be alone, because I' m going
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  to Fosa Marta, too, who knows better. But Joseph, oh listen
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  to me today you don' t have to say here. Now comes Marta,
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  Jose, because it' s my obvious. Jose, she' s
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  not your girlfriend, but she will be. You didn' t spy on
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  him again with the binoculars. He put her on top of it. That
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  ' s what I do I' m Catholic and Spanish I' m very
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  proud of you. I' m not, because I' m with two
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  balls, but like them, the Catalans aren' t from their land,
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  they haven' t been Spanish. Ah, well, I know I didn
• 17:11
  ' t know what you' d get like, man It was a question
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  of the vineyards in your cellar, whose family they belong to. They thought
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  they were from the Spanish state. Those aren' t my parents' and
• 17:27
  they' re already mine. So your thing, it' s yours,
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  but the Catalans are state- owned That' s okay I knew it,
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  I know Keep living with your parents. You' ve already begged your independent
• 17:40
  as well as what he said. You know that other fucking beach you know
• 17:44
  of course, bro was bron I don' t swear to you, but
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  it wasn' t time for a joke. It was a joke, José
• 17:52
  Po, you' re fucking with me, man, because I don'
• 17:53
  t care here. I' m just going to ask you a question about
• 17:56
  the Huilla which you prefer that Catalonia never be independent or fuck marta. I
• 18:06
  don' t like that question to see. I believe, I sincerely believe,
• 18:11
  that Jo Gignacio also cares more about marta. I think and I'
• 18:15
  m not a comedian. I know it' s very much in Spain,
• 18:22
  very well known. I don' t help Jomi or any good source.
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  I' d like to, but I' m telling you one less thing
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  that I' m no less bad because if I were tomorrow, the headline
• 18:36
  of the reason would be David Navarro in favor of Catalonia' s dependence.
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  When I didn' t say that information manipulation. That' s what I
• 18:44
  mean, you give your opinion whatever it is, but you don' t
• 18:47
  let yourself be manipulated. In fact, he wouldn' t keep the paper
• 18:49
  there. The next day, the Vinda mud A fa voice of ETA,
• 18:52
  from what I say, I think you also say Navarro is of eta fuck,
• 18:56
  watch Vina varro attentive with a coast for everything. Makes virgin awning leave,
• 19:00
  motherfucking daughter. I would, there would, you' d done it
• 19:03
  for what. Because manipulating is very easy, as it has two fingers in
• 19:07
  front of it and that holder of reason, would generate a hatred against me,
• 19:12
  against my person, of people that I hit above, look at morfor
• 19:17
  of dependence, it will strike to manipulate. It' s very easy,
• 19:22
  very easy. In fact, if we were to make a summary, if
• 19:26
  I were to come here in my information and make a summary of what I
• 19:33
  saw here tonight, then I could say perfectly good night. We greet her
• 19:41
  from the Astoria Club of the Condal City, where we have attended exclusively the
• 19:45
  last monologue of David Navarro, before some fifteen people of public, according to
• 19:49
  the delegation of the Government, five according to us, showing his unconditional support
• 19:55
  to the independence of Catalonia, the ginese artist has uttered racist insults a disc
• 20:00
  that has refused to give him two kisses and has enlisted all the Madriders to
• 20:06
  whom violin to his cousin that of the people in the field, in the
• 20:17
  personal sphere. His most alleged people define him as a person who burdened his
• 20:21
  girlfriend as much as possible to make up as quickly as possible in the face
• 20:25
  of death threats, since he is related to the terrorist bada ETA and certain
• 20:30
  rumors point to who at any time you to attack with a molotov car you
• 20:33
  become still extra virgin of jaén jaén, so I would send you with eye,
• 20:38
  Miss Marta, the Astoria Club of Barcelona for comedy Central. Good night
• 20:45
  and a nid to your tom te