Latest / TWRS-Leadership Straight, No Chaser / Why People Pleasing Is Exhausting You
Transcript
- Scott Brandt: So it's interesting when we look at people that try to be a people pleaser and try to please everyone. And then we end up seeing these people end up failing huge because ⁓ true to themselves. So ⁓ you're thinking about this, who do you know of that is similar to that or even yourself as an individual, are finding yourself on trying to make everybody happy, trying to take everybody? Device and stick that in there and say yeah, we're gonna do this this and this and then at the end of the day you miss out on Being your true authentic self. Welcome back to together. We are stronger leadership straight No chasers and it's just a question to really ask yourself because there are a lot of people out there that try to please everyone they end up pleasing nobody The unique thing that I've seen through studies is it's actually a form of manipulation with people that are people pleasers and I've highlighted that to people and they're like there's no way and I was like if you really think about it, they're trying to manipulate the situation because they want everybody to be happy and so it is a form of manipulation even if you don't believe it and If you're a people pleaser that may piss you off and so you've got to do a deep dive and say What do I need to stop doing? So George, I don't know. I think you've talked about it a little bit through earlier situations, trying to make everybody happy. And when you look at it for yourself, what did that do to you earlier? And now where you're at with the things that you've gone through this point in your life, I know that has switched for you. But when you look back earlier for yourself, what did that do to you trying to please everybody? Big G: It didn't get anywhere. It was very frustrating. because basically you're trying to please, let's just talk when I was younger, try to please everything, try and please everyone around me. And really you just lose yourself in trying to make everyone happy. And that to me is a waste of talent, waste of time. And I wrote this down because no matter what kind, ⁓ kind you are giving, talented, ⁓ someone who still misunderstood you. criticize you and disagree. Now try to please everyone. What's the number one thing? It drains the shit out of you. And you just can't really, you just start losing energy and you start losing yourself, who you really are. And it really drives, man, as I step out and look what I have done in the past months ago, Scott Brandt: Mm-hmm. Big G: I'm done with it because no matter what you do, you're never going to please anybody. You're, you know, talk too loud, your personality is too much, you know, this, this and that. And you get back and you look at you, you reflect on yourself because this is happened to me you I would have been myself. was, you know, straight up fun, caring, helping everyone out. And you learn you just kind of like. What happened? You you just look back and reflect. And it really drains you apart because you start, for me, you start questioning yourself. You question about your personality, you question about how you want to walk in a room. Am I too loud? Scott Brandt: Mm. Big G: this and I really had to say you know F that I'm gonna be me and a lot of times the best time because you find out who likes you and who doesn't big freaking deal and you move on you know there's a hundred people in a room and you can't please 20 % 20 people ⁓ their own problem you know and it's not that you walk in and you want to own the room and you want to do all this it's truly you want to Scott Brandt: Mm. Mm-hmm. Big G: share, you want to get to know people, you want to hear their stories and really kind of work together as a team and see how we can help each other grow, you know, in our business, grow as a as an entrepreneur and to meet really, really good people. And when you try to please everyone, it goes out the door. mean, you walk in your car, you actually walk up to your car, get in it and you ask yourself what the hell just happened. And that happens. Scott Brandt: Hmm. Big G: times and that you know God wish I can go back and change that but I have learned that you cannot you can't got to have peace you know peace for people really ⁓ chooses your and I'd rather just have peace ⁓ Scott Brandt: Yeah. Yeah, so it's a very interesting thing because I've shared this assessment, the working genius assessment, ⁓ a very ⁓ insight. There are six working geniuses, and it's a personality plus a productivity assessment. And for I think it's Galvanizer is one of the working geniuses. And it's where like you try to bring everybody together. And it's a very interesting thing because I used to be really big on like cheering people on, seeing them move forward, seeing them win. But I was talking to Danielle a couple of days ago and I told her, was like, I'm in my bloodness right now where I'm going to call you out and you're not going to like it. And I'm at a point now where if you don't figure out a way to light a fire under your own ass. I'm not here to drag you. And so that is a very interesting thing because you see a lot of leaders, you see a lot of business owners that have, you'll see people that are like, I need my motivation. I mean my daily motivation. And then it wears off 10 minutes later and they're where they're at again. And so it is having that conversation and then highlighting that as like, this is crazy because I, not, I've never thought myself to do that. And so it's a very interesting aspect on that one. then growing up, this was about like 15 years ago, I was hanging out with my dad. We were in the backyard doing some cleanup and I asked him, was like, would you feel bad if I was better off than what you were? And it's a interesting thing because as kids, don't want to like make our parents feel bad. And so we have this ⁓ sometimes for a lot of people where they're like, I don't want to be better than my parents because is that going to make them feel bad? But then it goes into that whole people pleasing situation, missing out on being your true self and to fit in for. everybody it's it's very interesting thing when you reflect on that and you start seeing that take place you're like, ⁓ my goodness, and so it is a trouble but when I highlighted the aspect that they've highlighted people that are people pleasers kind of being manipulative people have you ever thought of that before or when I brought that up was that kind of a surprising fact to kind of hear presented? Big G: You know, when you brought that up, it definitely surprised me because here I am listening to you thinking, And really, I don't know how to put it, but you become an individual when you say it, when you're trying to please everyone, you're like wearing different hats, right? And we talk about business about being a chameleon in a sense, how you can deal with people individually, right? Scott Brandt: Mm-hmm. Big G: But when you're dealing with a group around you and everyone has different personalities and everything else. When you brought that up and it's like, wow, that kind of makes sense because you're putting this hat on, you're putting this hat on, you're putting this hat on, and you're really trying to please and really it makes sense what you're saying. And it kind of shocked me. It's not nothing to upset me. It's like, wow, I think of that way. And as a leader, you're just required to have clarity. And one thing I don't understand, you've got to stand firm. Scott Brandt: Hmm. Big G: with your clarity and do not give other people permission to ruin who you are. And when you're at a networking event and you're running around saying hi to everyone, there's a hundred people room, you know me Scott, I'm all about meeting everybody. But I'm the same individual. I don't care who you are. I'm the same one. And I have learned that if you don't like me, you don't like me. I didn't wear a Nate tag to any of these events. Scott Brandt: Mm. Big G: Last time you saw a CEO, a COO and a CFO wear a name tag, hi, I'm the CFO of so and so. You never did. You gotta get people to hear your story, who you are and what it's all about. yeah, the you just said it, I was just thinking like, wow, I think of it that way. But I also think about you wearing multiple hats when you are trying to please everybody. Scott Brandt: Yeah, well, I think that's a little bit of the student mode though too, is doing the research really finding ways to help you stick out, be different ⁓ find an aspect where you're not trying to please everyone, but you can mesh ⁓ others. And so. Big G: you Yeah. Scott Brandt: doing network marketing before we had the color pieces. So you have reds, greens, blues, yellows, but that's human psychology. And so that's one of those that when you talk to people, they're like, if I was to go to school, it would be for psychology because you're dealing with humans on a daily basis. And so you want to understand the science. Big G: Yes. Scott Brandt: behind that, how the human interacts, the brain takes things in. so that ⁓ an area that as a leader, ⁓ a business owner, if you've never delved into the world of psychology, I highly suggest that as being one of your reading criteria as your books and really in there to set yourself apart. Because when you know how you can properly interact with people, ask the proper questions, understand what's not going to spook people because of your personality, what you're asking. You put yourself in a different spot than most normal individuals. I think that's also, I listening, it was Jim Quick. He had talked about that ⁓ leaders readers. And so helps individuals really to speed up the reading process for them. His students, he'll work with them and they'll get to where they're reading a book a week they're remembering the information because of what he does with some of the exercises. But he's like, if you ⁓ the power of a book, that the 30 years of somebody putting it into a book, condensing it, what does that do to you as a leader? If you that information, it's condensed and you have the proper information and you actually can dig. and extract and put yourself in a different position. But when you look at a lot of people don't read, once they leave high school, that's like the last time they touch a book. And then they wonder why they're stuck. It's because they're not finding ways to grow. They're not finding ways to separate themselves from everybody else and not be part of the echo chamber. so it is ⁓ very interesting aspect when you look at all that. And it's one that I highly suggest getting into the practice of reading. You'll hear a lot of people talk about 15, 20, 30 minutes in the morning before you start your day, just to put yourself in a better position. But I think that's also where if you're trying to please everybody, it's probably part of that too, where you might feel stuck and you don't know what to do. And so by student mode. helping yourself level up, you give yourself those tools and resources to not get stuck in that area that you don't want to be stuck in, but you're finding yourself because you haven't done anything to help yourself grow. Big G: mean, that's a, mean, what you're saying is, you know, learning about psychology and you know, it's crazy is Danielle, my youngest daughter, that's what she studies and getting a double master in. she always tries to use that stuff on the family to test everyone out. And it's crazy. But ⁓ what she does is incredible. I really don't want to, say what company she works for but she helps a lot of children out you know special needs to displacement and everything else and it's it's for being her age dealing with you know people parents courts ⁓ all this stuff and dealing with that and really just handling like a know like a baller It's incredible to understand what you have to do. And a lot of times people don't realize how powerful what you just said can really help you out in the business. Because if you really don't know how to react around people and not be, you know, you're trying to be be fake in a sense. I'm to be bigger than life. And we all kind of done that. But you really kind of got to get grounded. And once you get grounded and you stand still, and you take it in because when you're trying to please everybody know it's not going to happen. know live for purpose instead of pleasing make sure you an impact on people and a lot of times people miss that opportunity. Scott Brandt: yeah, if you're finding value within this video, hit the like button. If you're looking for more of these types of videos as our library grows, don't forget to hit the subscribe button. Right now, when you look ⁓ yourself as the listener, are you ⁓ people pleaser? And really wanna be ⁓ honest yourself. ⁓ And if you ⁓ are, yourself, look and say because of being a people pleaser and trying to make everybody happy, what is that doing to you as an individual? are you where you wanna be ⁓ are you somewhere that you're sick and tired of because you're stuck trying to please everyone? So just something to consider. But it is of those things that when we look ⁓ at lot of the leadership realm, the interesting Big G: Yes. Scott Brandt: is Jim had talked about if you fight for your limits, you're going to get to keep them. And so it's one of those things that how many people do you see that wanna fight you and argue with you when you highlight something? So there was actually, was talking to an individual they're here in the business community and... They, I had highlighted, I was like, if you look at who you are as an individual, you're invisible within the community on a bigger scale. And he started giving reasons for why he was the way he was. But then it's the fact that he also has highlighted that he wants to grow. And so it's like, okay, you're either going to keep the excuses. wonder why you're stuck ⁓ say no, if I truly want to grow, I've got to let go of these excuses and fighting for something new to start creating those different habits. So it is a, ⁓ it's very interesting thing when you have these conversations with people and they tell you one thing, but if you're just sitting there being present, just listening and really truly to people, ⁓ you'll see that lot of people 90, 90 % and I don't think I don't know if it's 90 % so don't quote me that it's 90 % of people but it is quite a bit of individuals really that will say one thing but then their actions and their beliefs are completely opposite. Big G: And that's the thing is people don't really understand. We're not all perfect, right? We're always learning and growing. We make mistakes. But the one thing you don't want to do is lose yourself in a sense of trying to please everybody. Because again, I'll bring this up. You walk out to your car, you get home, whatever. People ask you, how was it? And you're like, I don't know. I mean, I guess it was. Scott Brandt: Hmm. Big G: you're you're in the moment and the one thing I'm gonna say this you know Scott I wrote this down you remember it's not a goal to be liked by everyone It's to be loved by the right ones and it's to honor the calling that placed inside you. And ⁓ today, I challenge people, myself, you and our listeners, stop trying to please everybody. Start walking in with the purpose because when you do, ⁓ attract the right people, the right opportunities and the right peace into your life. And I say that is that I take a look what I created in the past what I did in the past you know what I had no peace it's just I just didn't have any peace and it's as people talk and everything else I tell people stay in your lane you know just you focus on you don't worry about anyone else focus on you and But you you have to honor yourself and honor the Lord because if you have beliefs like we do you know we want to do the right thing we want to you know share with people what we're doing how we can get better even as individuals and you got to stop please I mean no matter what I did and I'll tell you a short story right when I grew up I have four brothers Scott Brandt: Hmm. Big G: I can cut the yard, I can clean the house, clean the garage, sweep the gutters out on the street, make dinner, do all that, and they'll always find something wrong. That's the fault I always found something wrong. And it wasn't a talk, that's what I'm gonna say. So I'm trying to please. Scott Brandt: Hmm. Big G: to have peace, I traded more of them. I acted the opposite. And you when you're out there trying to please everyone, you get beaten down. You just get to a point, you get frustrated. as leaders and as entrepreneurs, that's not where we need to be. We need to be uplifting, impacting people's Scott Brandt: Hmm. Yeah. Big G: Learning, learning, love, always being the student, taking actions, have clarity. It's it's crazy. Scott Brandt: Yeah, no, think like you had highlighted, you'd have the peace like you were saying. And I think that's because you're not being true to yourself. And the fact that you're trying to wear multiple masks just appease everybody. And by that aspect of not showing up as your true self, you're not able to... have that trust in yourself, you're not able to be authentic because you're worried about what others are thinking. And so it's a double-edged sword and it's a very dangerous game that a lot of people don't realize that they're doing more harm to themselves than good. then the other thing that you have to ask is this is why you have a lot of relationship capital because people can sense ⁓ when being fake. ⁓ funny how you have the saying of fake it till you make it. And then it's like everything out there gets bastardized. And it's like, we go so far ⁓ that don't really think ⁓ those things. And so the whole fake it till you make it pisses me off because I'm like, people can sense. when you're not true and you're not authentic because you're giving off some funky energy. And when you hear that people will be like, well, that's woo woo and all that. And it's like, no, like scientific that you're giving off energy that people can feel. ⁓ And a interesting thing how people want to push back, they want to fight and they'll be like, no, no. And it's like. If you really were wanting to grow and change, you would have an open mind and really say, this really true? Or is this something that is a belief that doesn't belong to me? It's somebody else's. I put myself in a tough spot because I'm holding on to beliefs that don't benefit me. But I have them because I don't want to make ⁓ ⁓ from the 1800 sad because it was a belief that she had that got passed down the family tree. And if I give those up, I'm getting kicked out of the family tree and I'm scared because we're social creatures. And so if you get kicked out of the tribe, you're done. And like I said, we're social creatures, we're meant to do life together. But it's also that protection mechanism of being back as a caveman. and not getting kicked out of the tribe and not getting squished by a wooly mammoth. And so it's a weird, interesting, Nick smash hodgepodge of different things that you're like, oh my goodness, like, this is really doing no good for anybody. Big G: thing I learned working the you'll ask people point blank about things, right? And whether they do, do I eat. Come up with something and I don't get in trouble because you know, you know what's gonna happen on the other end and it's so crazy when you ask me Hey, did you get that? ⁓ yeah, and you know, they didn't get it done because you you you already know and it's because people are out there pleasing guys Scott Brandt: Hmm. Big G: you know, the best thing I would tell everyone is from learning, just be straight up and honest. Regardless, there's lies, lies catch up. When you're honest about stuff, no matter how bad it is, no matter what people think about it, it's the truth. And that's, I see that all the time, you know, working in a retail environment, and having that and people all, hey, did you get Oh, yeah, and running to get it done because they have a lot of consequences. know and they'd rather please this you know give from their you know their supervisor or assistant manager you want to please them and it's I don't know why people this can't just be upfront honest take the hit and move on because there's a learning lesson behind it. It's because when you sit there and you tell Scott Brandt: Hmm. Mmm. Big G: owner, you know, even as a supervisor, and you just keep, I got this, I got that. Yeah, I got it done. I got done. It's not done. There's no accountability on yourself. And all you're trying to do is please and you find out you walked out, you know, out of your job. Guys, just, you know, ⁓ or losing clients. Let's you know, let's talk about that. Scott Brandt: Hmm. ⁓ Mm. Big G: You know, if you're losing clients, you got to have a reflective yourself. You got to look in the mirror because when it comes down to the client, you know, you know, is your your bread and butter. Yes, it's the way you pay bills as an entrepreneur, as a business owner. And you know, I know what can we get this done before Thanksgiving? You know, you just kind of have to say, honestly, I don't think so. Because they rather hear now than week before and they see the project not done or even getting close to done. It's just be upfront. Tell like it is. Stop trying to please make everyone happy because at the end of the day, will snap you right in your butt. Scott Brandt: Hmm. Yeah. Big G: And it happens in life. It happens to be at home, business, partners, friends, the whole works. And it can be a nightmare. Scott Brandt: Yeah. So the biggest thing is really you've got to work to stop being a people pleaser if that's who you are. flip side to that though is there is a lot that you may have to go and extract and actually pull back layers because this could be something that has been built up from your childhood. And ⁓ the only way you potentially were shown love was by pleasing your parents. And so may be tougher to do than what you're thinking. And so ⁓ you're like, ⁓ to stop being a people pleaser, but there's a lot of layers that you haven't worked through, then you want to work through those because you're ultimately holding yourself back. ⁓ so if stuck and you're like, I don't know what to do. you need to find a coach. But then that's the other side though too is that may be ⁓ than ⁓ a coach can handle. And so that may be where you need to find a therapist. And so it is a very ⁓ piece when you're in that realm that you need to understand really ⁓ sectors that is that something that a coach can be there to help you out. is it really, really deep that mentally your mental health needs to be checked and worked through with a therapist. So there's facets here that you want to consider. ⁓ And that's where you can't be guided to do one thing. You really need to look at it ⁓ and out what is going to be the proper path to take. And so that this is just another piece of the vice where You don't hear a lot of people say, hey, it may not be a situation to work with a coach. You need to go see a therapist. A lot of people will go that way. And so these are those conversations, the perspectives, the that we want to share and really help people to see the bigger picture and not box themselves into a little area. And by boxed in, not. truly helping yourself to move forward and get to that next level. And so I, like I said, when we've highlighted, it's just doing something different from what you see anywhere else. And so for us, it's really grown the community, helping people surely do what they need to go the path that they should go, not should, but would want to go, that's going to best serve them. So it's. Always appreciative that we're grateful for the community that's growing the individuals that are coming along, loving what we're doing. But like we say, if you're a true leader and ⁓ call yourself a leader, share this with others that need to hear this information, because at the end of the day, the knowledge that you have is really what's going to help somebody else level up, cut down their learning curve. And so that's where the sharing comes into play. But that's also like George, you had highlighted your clients that if you're taking on the wrong clients, that's issue of clarity. And so I would suggest going back to the clarity episode, listening to that because you're you're lacking in clarity. And if you lack in clarity, you're going to probably take everybody on. but then you're gonna have clients that don't fit you and aren't an ideal client because you lack clarity. So I would suggest going back to that episode, which is the first full length episode the podcast and really dive into that if that's something that you're struggling with. So was something that came up when you had talked about the whole client piece. And then when I look at it, it's just, I feel like it's that clarity aspect that a lot of people struggle with. Big G: Well, lot of people's. struggle, and there's a few of them, that struggle is to say, you know, it's not going to be done. If it can be done, awesome. But I don't think it's going be done because whatever the situation is. And a lot of times as GCs, we don't follow through on that because we want to please our clients, make them happy. But the disappointment is going to come up. I'd tell them now than tell them three weeks from now or a month from now that no, not going to be done. And then we prep for that time. It's easier to prep than be proactive. that and it's you know it's just yeah you get clients who are real picky you have clients are really easy going but I think you just play them all the same because then you're not trying again wearing different hats you know you're not trying to please this person you just want this just be honest with them and I think that's you know clarity clarity piece that people need to focus on it's just straight up Scott Brandt: Mm. Yeah. True very very true. So yeah, like we've like we said earlier if you're looking for more of these types of videos hit that subscribe button if you're watching on YouTube There's a subscribe button. I don't know if I'm pointing the right way. It's down the the corner It's a little box that you can barely see and so hit that if you're looking to subscribe But like if you're looking for these types of more of these videos Don't forget to the subscribe button hit the bell icon. So that way when new episodes drop you're notified of Big G: Yes, yes, yes. Scott Brandt: the new content out there. Other than that, we appreciate you ⁓ opening up your journey to allow us to walk with you. ⁓ just excited to grow ⁓ see the community grow and really become a very strong unit that is out there creating impact and affecting the lives of others. So we'll catch you on the next episode. Big G: See you later.