Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #681 Back to Basics

Transcript

#681 Back to Basics · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for.
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  Speaker 2: The time poor parent who just wants answers.
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  Speaker 3: Now it's The Happy Family's podcast summer series with doctor
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  Speaker 3: Justin Coulson and Kylie, my wife, mum to our six kids.
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  Speaker 3: Kylie another short podcast today focusing on back to basics.
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  Speaker 1: That's what we're.
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  Speaker 3: Trying to do all this week, just focus on the
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  Speaker 3: basic stuff. And today's question is when have things been
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: their best? See a lot of people say I want
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  Speaker 3: my family to be happier, I want to do this right.
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  Speaker 3: I want to get that right, and there's this struggle
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  Speaker 3: in terms of knowing, well, how am I supposed to
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  Speaker 3: do it? Where am I supposed to go? How am
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  Speaker 3: I supposed to get this right? Today's conversation really is
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  Speaker 3: if you want to get it right, think about when
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  Speaker 3: you've got it right before, what's been happening, When has
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  Speaker 3: it been best? And then what can you do.
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  Speaker 1: To recreate that? So can I ask you when have
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  Speaker 1: things been best for you?
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  Speaker 2: The first nine months of last year I think, hands
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  Speaker 2: down with some of the best months of my life,
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  Speaker 2: and it came down to just being so intentional about
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  Speaker 2: how I chose to spend my time but a few
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  Speaker 2: I think really important blocks that made those months so
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  Speaker 2: positive and enlivening for me was stretching. It's such a
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  Speaker 2: simple thing, but ten minutes of stretching and just it's
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  Speaker 2: a mindful activity, right. You've got to be in the moment.
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  Speaker 2: You've got to be so aware of how your body feels,
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  Speaker 2: where it needs more stretching, where it needs more attention,
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  Speaker 2: and you're focused on your breath. And so it's just that,
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  Speaker 2: you know, drawing in that beautiful fresh air into your
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  Speaker 2: body and restoring all of the muscles after.
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  Speaker 1: A you know, a night's sleep.
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  Speaker 3: So I hear you say stretching, and I instantly go,
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  Speaker 3: oh gee, And I'm supposed to do that, but I'm
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  Speaker 3: an active person and I have too many things to do.
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  Speaker 3: I don't have time top and stretch, and.
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  Speaker 2: That's how I've spent most of my life. But like
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  Speaker 2: I said, nine months last year focused on those practices
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  Speaker 2: made such a difference. I felt more relaxed than I've
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  Speaker 2: felt in a lifetime, and more attentive to my needs
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  Speaker 2: and our children's needs.
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  Speaker 3: So that's fascinating when we hear about parents who are
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  Speaker 3: trying to manage fatigue, who are exhausted, who are overwhelmed,
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  Speaker 3: who and a lot of parents will say, I don't
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  Speaker 3: have time to be mindful, I don't have time to meditate.
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  Speaker 3: I'm not interested and it doesn't work for me. I'm
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  Speaker 3: just thinking. I mean, I've never seen any research on this.
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  Speaker 3: I don't know that it's actually been researched. But the
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  Speaker 3: way you've described your stretching practice is very much in
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  Speaker 3: line with what other research would say around the whole
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  Speaker 3: mindful this thing.
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  Speaker 1: It's about slowing things down.
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  Speaker 3: It's about being intentional, it's about being focused, it's about breathing,
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  Speaker 3: it's about all that.
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  Speaker 1: Stuff that makes a difference.
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  Speaker 3: You've almost inspired me to want to start stretching, Like seriously,
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  Speaker 3: that sounds really really smart, and like you t ask.
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  Speaker 2: Me how I went the last three months last.
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: Year, But for ten minutes, that's really all it takes.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not a long practice. It's just giving your
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  Speaker 2: body the opportunity to move in really gentle ways before
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  Speaker 2: you ask it and demand of it. The things that
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  Speaker 2: we do each day.
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  Speaker 1: Ask me when things have been best?
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  Speaker 2: When have things been best for you?
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  Speaker 3: Honey, I'm actually going to say really quite recently, so
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  Speaker 3: for the last fifteen years, I've been pretty selfish.
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  Speaker 1: With my time.
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  Speaker 3: Early in the mornings, I've gotten up every morning somewhere
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  Speaker 3: between four thirty and five o'clock and gone for a
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  Speaker 3: bike ride. Sometimes it's been earlier four o'clock, sometimes a
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  Speaker 3: bit later, maybe five thirty. But essentially, bike riding has
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  Speaker 3: been my life for the last fifteen years in terms
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  Speaker 3: of recreation, and obviously it has been every single day,
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  Speaker 3: but it's been most days most of the time. I've
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  Speaker 3: put my bike on the shelf in the last couple
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  Speaker 3: of months and started to really focus on having mornings
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  Speaker 3: with you, mornings with the kids being present, going for runs,
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  Speaker 3: going for serfs, being around for breakfast and doing all
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  Speaker 3: that sort of thing. And it's really for me, is
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  Speaker 3: the parenting expert who's supposed to have been giving everyone
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  Speaker 3: all these guidance on how to make their family happy.
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  Speaker 3: It's really hard for me to say this, but I
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  Speaker 3: think that I've missed out on a lot over the
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  Speaker 3: last fifteen years because I've prioritized. I've prioritized exercise, cycling,
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  Speaker 3: being with my buddies, and my health. Now, this is
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  Speaker 3: a bit of a tricky one because we've still got
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  Speaker 3: to look after our health.
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  Speaker 2: And we're dealing with the balancing act right now, trying
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  Speaker 2: to work out how to make this all work. Because
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  Speaker 2: while you have spent so much time taking care of
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  Speaker 2: yourself physically for so many years, that has been such
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  Speaker 2: an imperative part of you been able to do the
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  Speaker 2: things that you've been able to accomplish.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Like, I really think that it's contributed
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  Speaker 3: to my overwell being and productivity and capability and capacity.
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  Speaker 2: But now that the kids are older and have greater
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  Speaker 2: capacity to get up earlier and participate in the activities
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  Speaker 2: that you are encouraging them to participate in, what I'm
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  Speaker 2: loving is actually seeing their love of those things increase.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's been really awesome, whether it's going for bike
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  Speaker 3: ride or going for a run and seeing them run
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  Speaker 3: further than they've ever run, or watching watching one of
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  Speaker 3: the kids the other day she caught waves on her
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  Speaker 3: own and stood up on her own and went across
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  Speaker 3: the wave on her own, I mean, and the stoke
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  Speaker 3: that was in her eyes.
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  Speaker 1: So this is kind of a bit of a wake
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  Speaker 1: up call for me.
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  Speaker 3: I've always said kids spell love time, and we've made
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  Speaker 3: sure that they've had lots of time It's not like
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  Speaker 3: the kids have been tremendously deprived because I've been exercising,
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  Speaker 3: But just this reshuffle of priorities at the moment has it.
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  Speaker 1: Feels really good. It feels really good.
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  Speaker 2: Well, when you look at any given day and recognize
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  Speaker 2: that there is so many moving parts in our lives,
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  Speaker 2: with so many different schedules that we've got to work,
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  Speaker 2: those early hours in the morning are pretty much the
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  Speaker 2: only time where you can guarantee that we're all in
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  Speaker 2: the same space, whether we're awake or not. And so
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  Speaker 2: being able to maximize the time with them and in
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  Speaker 2: that way and prioritize it in the way you have
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  Speaker 2: has meant that it actually happens firstly, and everyone can
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  Speaker 2: be involved. And I just like I said, I'm loving it.
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  Speaker 2: I'm loving the renewed energy that I'm feeling in the
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  Speaker 2: house as a result of the kids feeling more and
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  Speaker 2: more connected.
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  Speaker 1: Well, I'm going to start stretching. You've inspired me.
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  Speaker 3: Hopefully this podcast has inspired some thinking around when things
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  Speaker 3: have been best, how can you go back to basics?
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  Speaker 3: How can you recreate what you once had if it
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  Speaker 3: used to be better? And if you can't recreate it
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  Speaker 3: because circumstances have changed as they do, what can you
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  Speaker 3: do that would most closely resemble or replicate that.
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  Speaker 2: I think it goes back to that conversation we had
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  Speaker 2: the other day about the tightrope. You know, there are
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  Speaker 2: so many moving parts, and just when you think you've
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  Speaker 2: got it right, something changes, and so you might not
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  Speaker 2: be going back to the same thing to recreate the
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  Speaker 2: feelings that you had. So it's reassessing the situation and
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  Speaker 2: finding what is the thing that you need right now?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, one of the I know we need to wrap
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  Speaker 3: this up, but just to extend on that a little bit.
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  Speaker 3: One of the main reasons that I'm completely shifting what
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  Speaker 3: I'm doing in the mornings is because we've had kids
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  Speaker 3: that have had driver's licenses who have been able to
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  Speaker 3: assist with transport and movement with extracurricular activities in the mornings.
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  Speaker 1: That has disappeared.
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  Speaker 3: The kids with the driver's licenses are now in other
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  Speaker 3: active parts of their lives. Therefore the driving around falls
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  Speaker 3: back on you and I, which means that I can't
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  Speaker 3: do what I would normally have done. So it's created
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  Speaker 3: a need for a full reordering of priorities and a
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  Speaker 3: restructuring of schedules, and.
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  Speaker 1: I'm okay with that.
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  Speaker 3: I think that we're I think we were dialing it
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  Speaker 3: in pretty nicely. I guess flexibility is maybe at the
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  Speaker 3: heart of everything that we're talking about here. We hope
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  Speaker 3: that there's been some inspiration, some useful ideas in this podcast.
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  Speaker 3: Back tomorrow with one of our best of a conversation
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  Speaker 3: with Amanda Keller that is guaranteed.
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  Speaker 1: To bring tears to your eyes. As the Happy
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  Speaker 3: Families Podcast summer series