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Happy Hour #148: Who is this for? · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sandy and Smantha. Welcome stuff.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: I've never told you production if I hurt radio, and
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: welcome to another edition of a Happy Hour. As always
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: with these segments, whatever you're doing, do so responsibly. Are
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: you sipping on anything, Samantha.
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: I am not, because a peek behind the curtain. This
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: is round two of our recording today, and I just
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: kind of ran up here because I was like, oh, yeah,
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: we gotta go, and I forgot all the drinks.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: We are in a bit of a scramble because we
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: are going to New York for a work slash fun trip,
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: and so that always means working to get ahead, and
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: then the holidays are happening, and so that adds to it.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: So a lot.
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: We're doing a lot right now, and this episode will
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: probably be a bit shorter. I'm sipping on some red wine.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: As I mentioned, it can be really strange because if
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: you're listening to these episodes when they come out, we
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: record in chunks. So you probably heard me say I
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: got the vaccine like a week ago. This is actually
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: just yesterday for me. But I feel a lot better today.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: But I was having it, I was going through it yesterday.
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: It was a day delay. I feel like the flu
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: shot does that. It's like twelve to twenty four hours
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: later that I'm.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: Like, yeah, it was pretty bad. I was so nauseated.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: But I feel a lot better now.
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: Okay, good. That would be so sad, I would be
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: I would hate for we should be nauseous. Let trip
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: for New York when most of the planning part is
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: just food.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I already struggle with nausea. Oh, but I
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: did plan it. I planned it.
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: Like it's like it usually only takes me two days
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: together the vaccines. Yeah, So I feel much better this episode.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: I just wanted to talk about some things that I
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: experienced going home for Thanksgiving. Not real it's it's all fine.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: How are your holidays? I was thanxying for you.
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: You know, people keep asking, and because I'm in like
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: trip planning mode number two, I've kind of bypassed that
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: and I'm like, what are you talking about?
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: What? Oh?
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it was great. My partner's family gets together at
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: his mother's house in Charleston, and I really like Charleston.
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: I think it's a really cute city. A lot of history,
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: both good and bad, obviously, but being there with them,
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: they are so wonderful. They do everything they can in
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: their power to make me feel welcome. They always do
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: lots of food, lots of food, and you know, down
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: with all the foods, and they love my dog, and
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: my dog loves lounging around and trying to get all
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: of the treats from them. So yeah, it was really nice,
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: good to see them. It's always nice. God of my
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: my family, my actual family really listens to any of this.
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: I'm in trouble, like I'm I'm gonna be in trouble,
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: but in actually like just being with a group of
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: people who are on the for the most point the
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: most part, like on the same level as I am
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: when it comes to political things, and like being stressed
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: out about all the all the political things and understanding
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: where I'm coming from instead of being in opposition and
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: have like we still kind of tiptoed around. We talked
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: about it, but at least we could like commiserate and
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: then be like, Okay, that's enough, because we can't think
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: about this type of moment like that's why we stop
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: talking about it, not because we're about to get into
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: each other's like hateless because we disagree with each other.
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: So it was that's a nice little break from me.
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: So very lovely, very very cozy times always feel welcome.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: How about you.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: It was good if you listen to this show, you know,
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: and I think we are not alone at all in this.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: But we were very anxious about going home. I was
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: very anxious about driving my old car. Did fine.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: I made it. I made it home, but because of a.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: Lot of work things, I came later than I normally
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: would and I left earlier than I normally would, and.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: There was some a couple of things, there was some drama.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: So I I feel like I've become the Christmas trope
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: of the city woman who only comes home yeah, a
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: certain amount of time, and she's so stressed and she's
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: putting work first and all this. I got a lot
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: of comments about, like, you finally made it out of
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: the city, which I'm not offended by.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: It was just coma right because three people ended up
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: showing up that I didn't. I wasn't expecting. Oh No.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: One is a friend of my mom's and she's always like,
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: you made it out, you did it. One was a
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: friend of my brother's fiance whom I've never met, and
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: he was he was really nice. And we had a
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: We hit it off, which is lucky because that would
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: have been bad. And then my little brother showed up,
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: and that's kind of a big deal because he and
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: my older brother haven't spoken in about a year, I think,
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: but we didn't know. I didn't know he was coming,
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: so the tension was high. But it all worked out.
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: It was all fine. But I guess one of the
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: things I wanted to talk about with this is I
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: had this moment I left early, and it kind of
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: caused a little bit of upset in terms of like,
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: is this because of me? Are you leaving early because
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: of me? And it wasn't that. And my family, like
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: any family, we've got a lot of history and drama
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: and arguments and all of this to back up you know,
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: these feelings in some ways. But I really was just like,
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: I gotta go to New York next week and I
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: gotta get all this work done. And I just had
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: this moment several times when I was home where I was.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: Like, who is this for?
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: Like if and I'm gonna sound like such an adult,
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: but there's just some moments where I was like, you
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: don't have to I feel like you're making yourself talk
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: to me because you feel guilt or something like you
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: don't have to do this, and that makes me feel
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: bad because maybe they want to fix something that they
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: think is broken.
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: Or like.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: Because I do that too.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: And I caught myself thinking about that with my mom
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: because a lot of times I feel a lot of
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: pressure to like make my mom happy and put up
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: the decorations and do all this stuff. And sometimes I'm like,
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: maybe she doesn't even maybe who is this for? Is
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: this for me or is it for her? And there
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: were just so many moments this weekend where I caught
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: myself thinking that, and then I felt guilty because you know,
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: the holidays, the message you get is it's all about
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: the togetherness, like sometimes more buy e oh yeah, buy
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: things and be together with your family. But I just like,
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: I think I've been torn on this for a minute,
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: and We've been talking about it in a couple of
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: my recent happy hours where I'm trying to find the
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: line between boundaries and me just being shut off because
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: I don't want to deal with something that because I'm
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: not great at conflicts. I'm not great at like emotional conversations,
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: And where's the line between me being like a selfish
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: I don't want to deal with you, versus a healthy boundary.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: Of I don't want to deal with right, you know
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: what I mean.
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's hard when it comes to family too, because
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: when it comes to elections and then religion in general
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: and just growing up, it's when you start diverting from
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: their belief system or something that they taught you all
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: your life, and then you start questioning things, and the
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: reaction to how you're questioning things, your own reaction to
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: that reaction, like all of those things that happen, it's
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: really fuzzy. And then also knowing, yes, this is still
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: my family and not for everyone, because I definitely definitely
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: know that there are families who are so toxic an
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: abuse and all that come into play, and that the
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: best choice is to cut them off and be with
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: your chosen family, and that is healthy and that is
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: exactly what you should do for yourself. But when we're
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: talking about the middle line, where when it comes to
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: my health and my issues and if I needed anything,
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: my family is going to be there one hundred and
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: twenty thousand percent. If I needed to borrow money, they
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: would be calling me, you know, I woulduld call them
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: and even if they're in a stretch that could try
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: to help me somehow, like all of the different things.
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: If I were to be homeless, I could live with them.
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: They're not going to kick me out, even if they
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: disagree with everything I did. And I still hold to
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: the fact that even in it as anti LGBTQ as
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: they are, if I were to come out at any point,
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: they would still never do to me what some of
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: the families have done. And it's just atrocious, which is
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: again the part where I'm like, you don't do what
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: you're voting for, You don't do what you're you know
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: what you say you're voting for, but why would you
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: do this. It's such a weird level of hypocrisy that
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: I don't understand. We've talked about this, but all of
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: that to say is I could never cut my family
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: off because of that. But trying to maintain what is
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: a healthy boundary versus me just doesn't want to deal
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: with you, yeah, or dealing with this type of drama
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: or dealing with this Like I've had my partner come
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: back to me like you need to talk to them,
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: you need to do these things because like not because
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: he feels like I'm being mean, but because I think
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: partially I would feel guilty and that would either away
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: with me just as much as spending too much time
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: with them. So yeah, like when it comes to family,
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: even with the best intent, like I said, I think,
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: like all of us, even if you have the same
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: belief system, doesn't mean that you're not going to disagree
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: on something. And it could be as trivial as a
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: not liking pumpkin, you know, like you know, you never know,
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: but like it's such a hard like point to look at,
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: being like, Okay, this is the boundary that I'm setting
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: and it's healthy versus Again, man, I just don't want
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: to deal with you. I just I can't handle you,
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: and I don't know what else to do but to
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: ignore you. But then also partially like knowing that I
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: could come to you, you know, like, and you feel
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: guilty in that too. There's just so many levels to that.
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: It really is like when it comes to family, unless
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: it's that toxic level that we just you know, I
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: preface at the beginning, because not all people are the same.
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: We know, those and them cutting you out because of things,
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: you know, like they're there are those like it just
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: when you're in that middle gray line, it feels.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: Uncertain.
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: I don't think anybody can define even yourself, even people
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: out side of that, even therapists could define those lines
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: for you.
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's exactly what I'm struggling with, is the
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: that like middle of I suppose, I feel really terribly
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: sometimes because I I'd also be in trouble if my
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: family listen to this.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: I feel like.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: I'm not When I go home, I'm most excited to
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: talk to my mom and my brothers, and I like
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: we've had.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: Fights.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: We have had fights, but we've made it like a
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: lot of strides. I didn't talk to my older brother
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: for years, and now we talk, but it's mostly about
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: like shows we've seen on streaming or something, and that's
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: fine with me. But I also don't watch a lot
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: of stuff on streaming, and he is so into politics,
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: and like I said, we are on the same side,
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: and yet and yet we just fight about it. So
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: it feels like I'm kind of controlling the well, we
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: can't talk about politics, so it's we're gonna talk about this,
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: and I feel kind of strange about that.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: And then like, I mean, I think it's fair given
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: what's happened in the.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: Past, but so he kind of like we were talking
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: about it and he kind of did bring up politics,
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: but nothing that was nothing.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: It was more just this is the world we live in.
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: And then the next day when I was leaving, I
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: think that's why it was because of me, It wasn't.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: I literally like, up to the last minute, I was
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: debating on if I should stay the extra day or not.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: I just feel I worry that it's like I'm controlling
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: the what you get to talk about and how long
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: we talk, and like all of these things. It may
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: I have some friends that I feel like this too.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: I was talking about Star Wars and like, I don't
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: want you at my Star Wars day. Like there's just
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: certain things where I'm like, I just don't know if
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: I'm being like, I don't know.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: I love it. I don't want you.
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: Sorry you're on my Star Wars day.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: You know what.
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: I think that in itself, like something that you are doing,
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: if you are creating an event, or you have the
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: right to say who can and can't come, that's not
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: over the limit thing.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: That's a boundary thing I think is healthy.
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: You do you you make yourself happy, although it does
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: feel awkward when you were like either know everybody or
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: no one sometimes and you're like, I can't do this
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: because I.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: Know you personally.
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: We've had these conversations like that statement about your brother.
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: Was that like an accusation when he's like, are you
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: leaving because of me? Or was it like I'm sorry
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: if you're leaving because of me?
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: It felt kind of like he said he was like,
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: I didn't chase you off, did I?
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: Okay?
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: Well, it sounds like he's thinking someone has says something
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: to him. I don't know if it's I don't know
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: if it's the mother, like someone your mother who's been
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: like A because it's not just it wasn't just you
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: then like they knew very clearly A, you are crossing
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: the line. So for that matter, I'm not that I'm
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: telling you to do whatever. I feel like he's that's
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: just him learning his how to how to respect your boundaries.
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: So that might be a healthier move than you think that.
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: I think you're thinking you could be thinking too much
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: onto your like you're wrongdoing because this is what we do. Yeah,
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: but more so unlike thinking of it as like he's
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: learning to which sounds like a good place.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, question mark.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I've always been like the keeper in the family.
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: I always steel like apologetic one, and it feels strange
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: to be not in that. Yeah, and so it makes
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: me feel like, oh no, now he feels bad that
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: he can't talk about politics around me, and like, oh,
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: you know what I mean.
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: No, I definitely from the way you're sounding, just in
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: my perspective, from the way you're sounding as like, it
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: sounds like he's learning and that's great, and that his
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: learning is gonna after. He's one of these people too
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: that needs to actually work it out verbally out loud
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: because he may not.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: Read the cues really well.
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: So he's like, wait, this is because of me, because
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry, like type of conversation which is really healthy.
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: So maybe he's learning some healthy communication skills and boundary
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: skills and it just happens to be you who helps
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: him see those boundaries, which feels kind of at first
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: because then you're like, oh, no, I'm made a rucus,
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: But in actuality, it has nothing to do with you.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true. I guess the other part of it
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: is I've always I've felt this way a long time
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: and I think now I look back, it's like in
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: relationships's because I was say sexual. Sometimes I feel like
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: I control a lot, like the power, and so I
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: feel like he's making a lot of strides to fix things,
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: and I'm.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: Kind of like I'm good and that okay.
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: That makes me feel bad too, like because he is trying,
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: he really is, and I think I'm just so I
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: just haven't let go of so much of the stuff
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: and that is something I have.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: To work on.
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: But again, this is one of those conversations that we
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: have with people who want to apologize or want to apologize,
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: but the person you're apologizing to makes the choice, and
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: whatever that choice they make, it's okay. And a part
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: of the apology is accepting it that way, accepting the
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: it's not okay or they still need more time. And
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: that's an important lesson too, Like we keep talking about it.
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: I've seen it, like when it comes to racial remarks
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: and on a bigger platform on social media, and we
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: see a white person doing something racist and then all
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: the white people be like, you're fine, you don't need
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: to apologize. We accept this apology, and everybody's like, who
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: the are we unless you are from that targeted group
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: of people, you can't accept this for them, Like it's
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: both of those things, and those people who have been
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: targeted can choose to say, we do not accept this,
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: we don't believe you, like or you need to work
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: harder and that should be okay, Like it's just both
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: of those conversations are such a big part in this
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: whole thing.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: Like you're coming to make amends.
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: You're coming to realize, oh, I made the wrong choice
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: or I said the wrong thing, like coming in the end,
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: like you can't make someone like forgive you and that's
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: on you, Like that's just and you're gonna.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: Have to accept that.
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it doesn't make it easier, but.
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and this is like becoming a much bigger because
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: now that I'm thinking about, there's also like issue of
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: at the moment, he doesn't have a lot of like
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: interaction socially, and so maybe when I come home it's
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: more important. I'm so sorry if you're listening, this is
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: sounding horrible. Maybe it's just like to me, I'm tired
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: from the socializing, all right, but maybe to him it's different.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: And also I think everybody in my family, but I
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: feel like he's had a long history of having to
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: fit in when he was struggling with some neurodivergence, and
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: so it's like he has to he feels like he
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: has to act a certain way, and a part of
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: that I think has been and is often but it
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: has been like sold to us as you got if
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: somebody is you got to go socialize, you gotta go
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: do it. But there's so many times where again I
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: feel like such a soul or I was just like
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: I don't if you don't want to be here, you
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: don't have to talk to me.
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: It's okay, right, what is this for?
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: Who is this for?
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: Oh?
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: When it comes to holidays, holiday gatherings, there's a lot
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: of like unknowns, even with your family, even where it
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: could be the most comfortable, but then you bring in
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: like new people, new partners, new babies because step babies
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: like and it becomes a little like, oh, you have
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: to restructure, we have to redo this.
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it is true, like I'm not saying something
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: nobody knows and it is awkward, and like the city
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: girl coming back to the town and everybody's like like
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: there's just all of these kind of strange, awkward moments
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: when you go home or see people you don't have.
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: The hallmark special is that you're going to run into
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: an old classmate. I'll classmate. I was like seeing the
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: bise actual version here a classmate that you never knew
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: was out and then all these things happened in the
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: drama and then you moved there and have that little shop.
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: Coffee Christist Tree Firm and yeah, coffee shop.
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: That's the thing that like a lot of LGBTQ plus
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: things happened, you get a cast shoppee shop or a bookstore.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: That's true. So far, that has not been my hallmark.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: I've also gotten where like I don't change out of
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: my pajamas when I go home.
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: I'm I'm so if I meet some classmates, they're gonna
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: have to be cool with me being in my pajamas.
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: At all the Star Wars themed and that's how to meet.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: Cute happens, that's how we connect. Yes exactly, Yes.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: Well, uh, let me know listeners if you have feelings
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: like this, because I'm still working through them. I've said before,
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: I this sounds terrible too, but I used to have
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: what I call the list of neglects, and it was
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: my list of like you need to check in on
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: this person, and I had to ask, I had to
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: ask myself, who is that for? Like, are you are
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: you doing that because you feel guilty? Are you doing
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: it because you genuinely like want to hang out with them?
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: Think they want to hang out with you?
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: The list of neglect was deleted, so I think that
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: hurt my feelings the same line.
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: No, well, it was usually like a rotation. You wouldn't
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: have been on it, but I like you were, like,
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: you know, you got your circles of friends. It just
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: like that outside got periphery where I'd be like, yeah,
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: just so I didn't forget fair.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: That's fair.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I gotta do some some soul searching. Anyway, listeners,
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: if you have any thoughts, our suggestions, or advice, please
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: let me know. You can email this stuff in your
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: mom stuff at i heeartmedia dot com. You can find
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: us on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast. Were on Instagram
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: and TikTok at stuff I never told you. We have
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: a YouTube page, we have a tea public store, and
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: we have a book you can get wherever you get
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: your books. Thanks, It's always to our super producer Christina
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: or xated producer Maya and our contributor Joey.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: Thank you and thanks to you for listening.
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: Stuff Will Never chold Youse production My Heart Radio for
• 23:10
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• 23:13
  Speaker 2: to your favorite shows.