Latest / Harder Than Life / Burnout Hits Different When You're the Strongest One

Transcript

Burnout Hits Different When You're the Strongest One · Harder Than Life

• 0:01
  Now at Lowe's, faster quotes start at the Lowe's Pro Desk. Got a material list handwritten on a sticky note or saved us a photo? Perfect. Bring it to us and get a quote in minutes. And if you don't see what you need on the shelf, we'll help you get it. You can access thousands of products beyond what's available in-store or on lowes.com right from the Lowe's Pro Desk. Build quotes faster and source the materials you need to keep your jobs moving. Just like that at Lowe's.
• 0:30
  people don't burn out because they're weak. They burn out because they carry everything alone silently for too long. Burnout is not a capacity problem. It's a permission problem. It looks like you're crushing it because you got all these balls up in the air. There's not a point where you collapse. You just slowly erode. Vacations don't cure burnout. Systems do. Strength
• 0:58
  without support, has an expiration date. Strong people don't burn out because they're weak. They burn out because they forget they're human. So slow down, ask for help, put structure around your strength, and that's how strong people stay standing.
• 1:20
  Welcome back to these Thursday solo episodes. You and me and my trusty old three by five cards today just popped into me. This is my fifth podcast of the day, but it just one just came to me.
• 1:35
  It's strong people don't burn out because they're weak. They burn out because they carry everything alone, silently for too long. Burnout is not a capacity problem, it's a permission problem. This subject came to me basically from the last three shows that I just did. So I wanted to riff on this. People who burn out aren't lazy ones. They're the strong ones, the reliable ones, the capable ones.
• 2:05
  The ones everybody lean on. The ones who never ask for help. The ones who say, I've got it. Strong people don't complain. They don't collapse publicly. They don't even ask for relief. They just slowly lose joy, clarity, and patience. Burnout doesn't show up as a weakness.
• 2:30
  It shows up as irritability, disconnection, short fuses, and the quiet thought. Why does everything feel so heavy? I've lived this. I didn't burn out because I couldn't handle more. I burned out because I never stopped handling everything. Side note, keep in mind, even the strongest people, if you're facing burnout, can make some bad choices.
• 2:56
  This is why you must intercept burnout, catch it before it becomes burnout. This is where infidelity starts, drinking, drugs, poor diet. Anything that doesn't work for you can come down this path. So there's a myth of strength. Strength became my identity and identities resist rest.
• 3:27
  So people think strength is a survival. And it is. They think, if I'm just strong, I'll be okay. And I thought that for years. I was the one that everybody counted on. And I'll be the one, when the going gets tough, I'll still be standing. What we do is we tell everybody, get on our back, I got you. Because nobody had us when we were a child. So if you ask for permission...
• 3:57
  It feels like a failure. You feel like it's weak. And if you've been listening to this podcast, if this is the first podcast you've listened to, go back and listen to the last three because you'll see that strength is not limitless. Just because you can carry it doesn't mean you should ask for help, ask for permission, ask.
• 4:21
  Make certain that if you think for a second that you are coming close to burnout and it will come with massive amounts of stress, look for the warning signs. No sleep or interrupted sleep. Irritability, not wanting to eat or wanting to eat garbage, specifically sugar. When I'm really stressed or close to burnout, I just wanna eat piles and piles of sugar.
• 4:48
  Yes, that's vulnerable. You don't get a six pack like I do by eating piles and piles of sugar, but that's a dead giveaway for me. And then keep in mind, ladies, if you're listening to this, which a lot of you do, if your man looks at you and he says, I'm burnt out or I'm close, listen to him. I have been with people.
• 5:11
  partners that said, yeah, right, you're Kelly Siegel. You're unlimited. You're an alien. You can do it all. No, we can't. And fellas, I don't care who you are. We all have our limits. We all have our breaking point. This is when the panic attacks happen.
• 5:31
  This is when bad things happen. When you're tired and you continue to drive and you continue to drive, and that's usually when an accident happens. Same goes with burnout, stress. We all have our limits. Most of us, by the way, don't see the burnout coming. Burnout sneaks in through competence. It looks like you're crushing it because you got all these balls up in the air.
• 6:00
  And you're not, there's not a point where you collapse. You just slowly erode. And it goes with, for me, guys are gonna laugh about this. I just get snippy. Really quick, short fuse. And the dumbest little thing will set me off. So your patient goes first. Patients go first. Your ability to listen and really not only listen, but comprehend and understand.
• 6:29
  disappears. If you hear me ask, my daughter points it all the time. If I have to ask a question multiple times, like, I'm sorry, I'm not following you. And I say that with a little bit of irritability, you bet your butt I'm getting close to burnout. And for me,
• 6:46
  Burnout can be in daytight compartments. I can be burnout one day and then I'll make sure and get a really good night's sleep and I'll be ready to go the next day. So another sign to look out for is relationships can feel transactional. It's like you'll feel like somebody wants something from you all the time. So it's not true guys, it's just not. You just want to avoid this burnout, but this is why I have this show. I'm gonna talk about it.
• 7:12
  And I'm going to tell you some things that we can do to obviously find it, catch it before it gets a problem. And then the biggest thing that you'll see is joy becomes optional, but it really, joy becomes almost non-existent. Even things like music, even things like certain songs I won't like, that's how I know I'm close to burnout because...
• 7:40
  The things that brought me joy, the things that brought me peace, I just, I didn't like it. And nothing, I don't want to take in anything and I just some kind of get real quiet, which is the second card I'm holding up. Burnout is quiet. It doesn't scream. It whispers until you stop hearing yourself. And really, until you can't hear anything.
• 8:08
  and this is a problem. So pay attention. The real cause of burnout is emotional hoarding. Strong people don't process, they store. I'm probably gonna screw up some of my notes for later on, but I wanna tell you guys this. So strong people don't process, they store. Here's a cheat code. The second something comes,
• 8:36
  Literally just name it. Oh, there's the P&L numbers again. There's my wife asking me to do something again. But stop it right there. Don't keep spiraling and spinning on it. So truly process it. Truly come back and ask for help. Delegate. Say no.
• 9:01
  But do not hold it all in and keep going. That's how you'll guarantee burnout. And strong boundaries, guys. Strong boundaries. Because what we tend to do is we hold everyone else's emotion. So...
• 9:18
  My girlfriend and I, we're in different time zones. We're in a long distance relationship. So she calls and dumps on me at the end of her day, which is really completely, the end of her workday is the end of my day completely. I'm about to go to bed. And we realized this because I was getting grumpier and grumpier and grumpier and I was getting burned out because we're buying companies, we're integrating companies, we're expanding into AI, we're pushing the podcast. I'm spread very, very, very thin.
• 9:47
  So I have my teammates coming to me, my family members, clients. And there's times where if I didn't do my workouts, my journaling and all that, I am absolutely spent. So I have no time for that. But I had to make sure that my core needs were being met, which is sleep, eat, exercise. And once I do those, if those get out of whack, I make sure to raise my hand because burnout's coming right after.
• 10:18
  I have danced.
• 10:20
  really, really close to what I believe. I've never had a panic attack, but I've been very close because I felt the shortness of breath and been overwhelmed. So holding everyone's emotions, and sometimes you just say, I just have to choose me. I've talked about this, put your mask on before you help anybody else because you're no good to anybody dead. And just saying it completely nice without any raising of your voice. You gotta have an outlet. You can't hold all this internal pressure in.
• 10:50
  with my daughter, my girlfriend, and my COO, when I do this, I see improvement with all of them. And
• 11:01
  Now at Lowe's, faster quotes start at the Lowe's Pro Desk. Got a material list handwritten on a sticky note or saved us a photo? Perfect. Bring it to us and get a quote in minutes. And if you don't see what you need on the shelf, we'll help you get it. You can access thousands of products beyond what's available in-store or on lowes.com right from the Lowe's Pro Desk. Build quotes faster and source the materials you need to keep your jobs moving. Just like that at Lowe's.
• 11:32
  This is why you have to do that. Because the next card, unprocessed strength turns toxic. This is where so much of something actually becomes bad for you. I danced a very fine line with this last year with the 555 workouts. I wanted to push myself hard and I did. I still had more, but not much more in me.
• 11:59
  So remember, what you don't release, your body eventually does collect. Stay with me because I'm going to teach you exactly how to let this stuff go, how to dissipate it, how to process it, so to speak. And a newsflash, guys. Rest alone does not fix this. Vacations.
• 12:27
  Don't cure burnout. Systems do. And the systems are both personal and professional. But the whole work-life balance thing is a myth. It is like a mindfulness. It's the six inches between your ears. It's your brain that dictates everything in this world, whether it be your romance, your...
• 12:54
  your business success, your fitness success, your mental mastery, everything starts right here. And that's why you'll see me holding up a mirror. I bought a bunch of mirrors and I'm gonna start showing them for everybody because literally you are the problem, but you're also the answer.
• 13:11
  And it's a great puzzle. Life is a great puzzle. Remember, we're not in a dress rehearsal here, guys. We're living our real life. You're not going to start living your life when you become happy, when you figure everything out, because I got a newsflash for you. New levels. You're going to encounter new devils, and you're going to have to become somebody new and have the strength and figure it out.
• 13:33
  The people that are stuck in the same thing, they're not listening to this podcast, number one, so all of you guys are not stuck, but the people that are, we see them everywhere, are the people doing nothing. They're doing the same thing over and over and over and expecting a different result. I know that's none of you. That's, they're on life's merry-go-round and they're just puking. Us, the Heart of a Life Nation,
• 13:54
  We're on that life's roller coaster. Yep, ups and downs. And remember, when you're on those downs, just stay and hang in there because an up is coming right after it. Remember, I did this a thousand times, so I wanna give you what we need to do. Systems and processes and delegation, boundaries.
• 14:18
  are everything you need to get out of this. Because if you don't, burnout will return because nothing's changed. Nothing changes, nothing's changed. So a lot of times I go on vacation and I'd still work, or I'd still think about work, or I'd still be emailing, or I'd still be making notes. That is not rest. I literally have to disconnect from everything
• 14:46
  and be recharged. So stillness, silence, and solitude. Literally your answer to everything. Stillness, silence, solitude. And it's hard to be on vacation and be in solitude, especially if you're in a relationship, you have a family.
• 15:02
  but you can go on a walk in nature by yourself and literally say to your significant other, I need a minute. I do it with books, I do it with podcasts, I do it with the gym. And I do it so early in the morning that they don't wanna join me. So figure out ways, but the systems will set you free. My good friend, Craig Ballantyne, he goes by the most disciplined man in the world. Man, if you haven't followed him, the perfect week formula,
• 15:31
  Guys, I followed it. These things that I do, I did before I met these people. And it's like, oh, I wasn't crazy. I just come up with this idea. So I believe I have another card that rest is not recovery. If you rest but don't change how you live, burnout will be waiting right there for you. I've said it many, many times.
• 15:58
  Life is gonna give you a lesson. It's gonna keep sending you a lesson until you learn it. Learning how to recover and rest is a superpower. It has taken me forever to do this. And part of that is regulating your nervous system, my friends, and understanding what your body needs.
• 16:21
  So to shift from tough to regulated, here we go. The next level of strength is regulation. Slowing down to go fast. You'll hear everybody say it. It sounds weird. How do I slow down to speed up? Easy. Say no to the things that aren't moving you forward. It's the 10X is easier than 2X. What it means is do the things that move the needle
• 16:50
  and charge you and stop doing the things that suck the life out of you. All too often we keep doing this and the funny thing about it, the things that suck the life out of you give us the least amount of return on investment. Say no more. Say no many more times than you say yes. It is saying yes to yourself, it is saying yes to your mental well-being, it is saying yes to your family, it is saying yes to your longevity.
• 17:19
  Guys, we're not meant to run on constant stress under constant burnout, under constant workload. You ever been on an airplane for 20 hours and wonder how the heck that thing runs 20 hours? I don't know how it does it, and then it'll land, and it'll turn around and run for 20 more hours right back.
• 17:36
  We're not a machine, folks. We're human. And we're living our lives. Remember that. This is a human experience and it's all going to come to an end. Nobody on their deathbed says, I wish I'd worked more. I wish I'd had more stress. Don't forget, if you listened to the last Thursday episode, ask for help. And this doesn't mean you'll...
• 18:01
  Not doing it. Just say, I could use, what would it take for you to give me a little support here? If it's with your wife or your boyfriend, you ask, what would it take for you to help me in this situation? Or what would you do in this situation? Ask. Guys, it is a strength.
• 18:22
  So regulated, I'm holding up another card that a regulated nervous system, being regulated. This is equanimity. Remember what I talked about earlier? Work-life balance is a myth. It's regulated equanimity is much better than any kind of toughness or any strength. Unregulated strength, unregulated anything will lead you to burnout. Regulated strength.
• 18:52
  Builds legacy, and guess what legacy builds? Fulfillment, love, and hopefully a lot of money, man. So be regulated. This comes with, if you haven't read my Happier Than Life book, I give you the systems that I use still to this day. Book's a year old and still fits.
• 19:15
  So burnout prevention, how strong people prevent burnout. Burnout prevention is proactive, not reactive. Imagine that. I need you to say no far more than you say yes. You really do have to build emotional outlets. And this isn't getting with your friends and...
• 19:38
  negative dumping on them. Trading war stories about, oh, you think your life sucks this much? This is getting with people that hear you, see you, and can call you out when it's you, because more often than not, it is us.
• 19:58
  So I have friends that are tough as nails and they literally call me out and I love it. And don't think that's a bad friend. It isn't what you want to hear. It's what you need to hear. So.
• 20:12
  Say no more, then you say yes. Find some really good emotional outlets. Guys, an emotional outlet also can be therapy. I am trying brain spotting and parts work right now. We're doing some massive reparenting and inner child work. And I get a lot of craziness in that, but I'm exhausted after those,
• 20:42
  I don't wanna say episodes, but those sessions. And I know to take time, I schedule nothing after it. So that goes back to the structure. So after those sessions, I have nothing after, I stay still. And which is the next thing I want you to do is schedule that stillness. I start my day with stillness, I end my day with stillness. Lots and lots of gratitude when I'm in that stillness. Remember, it should be stillness, silence.
• 21:09
  A solitude could be a little difficult, but stillness and silence, I literally use that time to meditate or talk to God, higher power source, whatever you want to call it. So again, say no more than you say yes, build and find some emotional outlets, even if it's a therapist, schedule stillness.
• 21:28
  and ask before you need help. This is getting proactive. Say, I have a lot on my plate this week. I have a full schedule. Ask your partner to do pick up from school or maybe do the laundry or some chores around the house or go to your teammates at work and say, I have this deadline and I'm struggling.
• 21:54
  Can you give me a little assistance here? I'll give it back to you. And here's another thing, guys. Use AI. You guys can go to AI and say, I've hit a wall here. It will help you. Now, don't let it do your work. It's only to buy back your time when you're stuck. If you want more tips on AI, just email me, Kelly, at heartofthelife.com. Big one.
• 22:17
  Rest is not earned. It's deserved. It's much needed. So some other examples of all of the above is listening before fixing. I will create more drama in my life if I just start to fix. Fellas, this is for you.
• 22:41
  Women, a lot of times, just need to vent. And it is hard because I'm exhausted and spent. And inevitably, my daughter and my girlfriend want to talk to me at the end of the day. So I do. And then there's certain days where I say, I have nothing left. Can we pick this up first thing in the morning? And then I do. I say, let's go. And then, do you need me to do anything about this? So, yeah.
• 23:10
  If you haven't picked up one thing, I'm holding up the most important thing. Strength needs structure. Fail to plan, plan to fail. You don't need to be less strong. You need to be less alone and less without a plan. If you go to my calendar right now,
• 23:35
  you will see structure galore. Every single day, I do pretty much for the same thing at the same time and I'm winning for it. And then I go in and in my same calendar, I put the things to eliminate burnout in first, which are true unplugged moments. Gym time,
• 24:00
  Vacations with the family, vacations out of the country preferably. If you can't do that, just make sure that you're not, that you're unplugged. So put the most important things, the recharge moments, recharge, not rest, recharge moments, excuse me, in your calendar. Because burnout isn't failure, it is feedback. It's your system telling you,
• 24:30
  that strength without support has an expiration date. You don't have to collapse to change. Don't hit rock bottom. You don't have to hit a wall. You don't have to go to be sick. You don't have to do any of those. You can regulate these things before you break. Strong people don't burn out because they're weak. They burn out because they forget they're human. So slow down.
• 24:57
  Ask for help, put structure around your strength, and that's how strong people stay standing. Side note, last thing I'm gonna say about all of this is I struggle with this mightily. I named it harder than life, which means I gotta be tough. But being harder than life is literally leaning into the things that are difficult, that makes your life easy.
• 25:27
  So for me, being harder than life is scheduling this downtime. It is asking for help. It is, that's the true strength. Following my systems and my structure and my people and allowing them to make us rise together again.
• 25:46
  United we stand, divided we fall, together we rise. That's being harder than life. It'll lead you to be happier than life. And if you don't do these things, life becomes hard on you. Thanks for listening. Please share this with people that you know are completely strong, which is almost everybody that listens to this show. Love yourself, people. You'll thank me later. See you next week.
• 26:14
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.