Latest / The Healthy Church Staff Podcast / Your Kid Is on Staff

Transcript

Your Kid Is on Staff · The Healthy Church Staff Podcast

• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Your worship intern is also the senior pastor's son.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: And he sits in the Tuesday meeting.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: He also lives in your house.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: The staff meeting just got a third rail and nobody named it.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: And if this sounds familiar, you're in the right place.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: We're talking about it on the Healthy Church Staff Podcast today.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this isn't a nepotism episode.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: We're going to talk about nepotism and hiring family members, but that's not the main purpose for today's webinar episode or podcast webisode.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: This is about the power that you pretend isn't even there.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: You hired him.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: This is what you tell yourself.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: You hired him because he can do the job.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe he can.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's not the issue.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: The issue is everybody else in the room now has two jobs.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Do the work and manage the last name.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: They will not say that out loud.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: They will not say the intern is coasting when the intern coasts.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: And you know why they won't?
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because the intern is your kid.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Or the elder's kid.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Or the person who sits at your table on Sunday night.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: You did not add a staff member.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: You added a person that nobody can really evaluate in public or privately.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: And the kid is trapped in it too.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: He's not allowed to have a normal bad week.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: A miss becomes a story, a hard conversation becomes a family event.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: If you praise him, the room hears the favoritism, and they put it in their back pocket and they don't forget it.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: If you correct him, the room hears a fight that they should not even be in.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: So you do neither.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: And you say he's growing and you move on.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's not protection.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's not protection at all.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Staff cannot tell the truth.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: The kid cannot fail where other staff can fail.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone is managing a last name.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't think it matters, but let me tell you, it matters.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Then the hallway does the real super.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: The org chart says he reports to the worship pastor.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: The hallway says that he reports to you.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because after the meeting he writes home with you.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because the elder's kid still hears still hears the board talk at the dinner table.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: And because a complaint about him is a complaint about your house.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: So people go quiet.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: They know when to pick and choose their fights, and they're not going to pick that one.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: They send the honest text to someone who is not you.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: You're going to be the last person to hear anything because of the last name and because of the relationship.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: You think the team is fine with it?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you, they're probably not really fine with it, but they're polite about it.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Polite is not healthy.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Polite is how staff stay employed next to your child or next to that elder's child.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: Now, listen, I know you you hired him because they love the church.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: It made a lot of sense.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: You're not out, you did not sit out to silence your team.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: You thought a clear title would cancel the last name, and that's decent.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's reasonable.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: It also is how a hallway becomes the real boss.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Kindness that leaves the reporting line unnamed is not fairness.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's a third rail you keep stepping over because everyone else learns not to speak.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: So stop hoping that the chart will do the talking.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Say it in the room.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Who evaluates who they will not report to?
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: Write it down and tell the team if they report to the worship pastor, you do not override the worship pastor in the hallway.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: You do not just mention a note after dinner.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: You do not ask the team how your kid is doing, like you're asking like they're your dad.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: You ask like a senior leader who's already named the boundary.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: If you cannot keep that line, they should not be on the payroll.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: That is not cruelty.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: That is the cost of keeping the room honest.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're not willing to name it, believe me, your team already has.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Your team needs a boss who they need a real supervisor, someone who can fail them without ruining Thanksgiving, someone who writes the review, someone who decides the hour, somebody that can be the boss.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: You need to stay out of that stack.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: You do not sit in on their one-on-ones.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: You trust the person you put over them.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: And if that person cannot tell you no about your kid, you pick the wrong supervisor.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Or you picked a job that your kid cannot hold while you are still in the building.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: Last name is not the sin.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: The unnamed power is.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: I hope this makes sense to you today.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: This is something that I think we're trying to fill whole, we're trying to do the right thing, but we don't understand sometimes some of the ramifications or how it is read by the other people on the team.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Family on the paywall is not automatically a problem.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's not.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Some people would say it is.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think so.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: I think it can work.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: But an unnamed reporting line absolutely is a problem.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: And if staff cannot tell you about your kid, you did not hire staff, you hired a third rail.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: So this week, do something uncomfortable.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Name the reporting line out loud.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Who evaluates them if you've got somebody on staff that has family relationships?
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Who do they not report to?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Write it down.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Tell the team this week.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: This is a tough one.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: This is a tough one, but I know that you actually want a staff that you can tell the truth.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what we try to bring some truth here on the podcast.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: If you've got some comments on this today, or you just want to bounce an idea off of me, maybe about hiring family members, or maybe you've got a family member and it's just not working out.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: You're not sure how to deal with it.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Reach out to me, podcast at chemistry staffing.com.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to hear from you.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: All right, that's it for today.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hope you have a great day.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: We'll see you right back here tomorrow on the Healthy Church Staff Podcast every day.