Latest / Very Fine Friends / Bonus IMPROV - I Have a Petition From All of Them

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Bonus IMPROV - I Have a Petition From All of Them · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  hey oh hi did you hear the news the good news it's great news i haven't today is the day of
• 0:21
  bonus improv of
• 0:23
  very fine friends.
• 0:27
  Wow, that is good news.
• 0:29
  Yeah.
• 0:30
  Some might say that's excellent news.
• 0:32
  The only thing to make this news any better
• 0:33
  would be a suggestion from Joe.
• 0:36
  Think we could get one?
• 0:37
  God, why press our luck?
• 0:39
  Let's go up to the tower and ask.
• 0:43
  Hello?
• 0:44
  Who is it?
• 0:45
  It's us.
• 0:46
  Down here.
• 0:48
  Down below.
• 0:49
  Oh, it's you.
• 0:50
  Okay, yeah, come in.
• 0:51
  you're hoping to get a suggestion.
• 0:54
  What do you say first?
• 0:59
  Now.
• 0:59
  I almost said the exact same thing.
• 1:01
  Hello.
• 1:02
  Oh, hi.
• 1:03
  Hi.
• 1:04
  Hi.
• 1:04
  I haven't seen you guys in like forever.
• 1:06
  Well, you've been living up here like a hermit.
• 1:07
  I know.
• 1:08
  I know.
• 1:09
  It's just so good for my skin, the air up here.
• 1:11
  You got such a great interest rate.
• 1:12
  It's not like you're going to move.
• 1:13
  I know.
• 1:14
  Oh, my God.
• 1:15
  Okay.
• 1:16
  What?
• 1:16
  So you want a suggestion?
• 1:17
  Yeah.
• 1:17
  You wouldn't mind.
• 1:18
  You wouldn't mind.
• 1:19
  Okay.
• 1:19
  All right.
• 1:19
  but this one better last you okay i don't get suggestions as frequently up here supply chain
• 1:25
  that makes sense that makes sense all right we'll we'll make it work okay i'll make you a custom
• 1:29
  painting you'll love it uh your suggestion is undesirable
• 1:35
  too close to home i was gonna say
• 1:44
  uh i felt undesirable yeah well that's crazy uh it's a shitty feeling especially because you
• 1:56
  kind of just i guess most of the time it's like in your head um and you're assuming that other
• 2:03
  people are looking at you and thinking of you in any kind of a way related to them i think most of
• 2:07
  the time people are just not thinking about you at all but yeah you have to like be like
• 2:13
  like thinking yourself like oh that guy's really good looking i bet he looks at me and thinks i
• 2:19
  reject her as opposed to just like i hope she doesn't cross the street and make eye contact
• 2:26
  and talk to me kind of there was definitely a period in my life where i just would have considered
• 2:31
  like me talking to somebody else would i would assume that they were like what are you talking
• 2:37
  to me for get out of here gross person yeah i have the exact same thoughts which is crazy
• 2:44
  it's crazy for both of us it's that doesn't make sense well the world's cruel cruel place i know
• 2:52
  but what is it about our brains that we do this to ourselves well i afraid you being a dumb bitch Yep No I mean not you You being a dumb bitch Yeah
• 3:04
  I'm being a wise,
• 3:06
  self-protective bitch.
• 3:07
  And you're being a jerk.
• 3:10
  Ain't a jerk.
• 3:12
  No.
• 3:13
  Yeah.
• 3:13
  No.
• 3:15
  I think...
• 3:17
  People hurt people.
• 3:19
  I don't let them hurt me.
• 3:21
  So by that logic,
• 3:23
  the hot people are hurt.
• 3:28
  It's not infallible.
• 3:31
  I'm learning in real time that what I said may not be true.
• 3:37
  There it is.
• 3:42
  Hot people.
• 3:43
  Don't get me started on hot people.
• 3:45
  Hot people, hot people.
• 3:49
  I love that.
• 3:51
  I'm going to put that on something.
• 3:53
  that's a song.
• 3:56
  That's a weird situation.
• 3:59
  Cause it's almost like you don't live in the same reality as someone who like
• 4:06
  has been hot a long time.
• 4:08
  Yeah.
• 4:08
  You know,
• 4:09
  it's like,
• 4:09
  it's almost like you're living in parallel universes.
• 4:12
  Yeah.
• 4:13
  Yeah.
• 4:13
  They don't live in the same world.
• 4:16
  It's weird.
• 4:17
  Yeah.
• 4:17
  But they have no idea.
• 4:19
  Yeah.
• 4:19
  They're in a bubble.
• 4:20
  That's the crazy part.
• 4:21
  Yeah.
• 4:21
  Like,
• 4:21
  I know you're in a different world.
• 4:23
  yeah you think this is all the same world you think this is everyone's experience idiot
• 4:28
  you hot idiot idiot
• 4:34
  oh well enjoy it what you can hot people everything dies yeah gravity is real
• 4:48
  oh yeah not like i'm gonna push them off a building
• 4:50
  you're going to your own world now
• 4:57
  yeah like physical like time you said it like sarcastic oh no no no i meant time plus gravity
• 5:09
  equals things drooping yeah yeah yeah i'll be there for you when you realize how hard it is for
• 5:14
  some people.
• 5:17
  But I'm adjusted at this point.
• 5:20
  Yeah.
• 5:21
  You're going to go through some weird adjustment periods.
• 5:25
  Yeah.
• 5:27
  And now, improv.
• 5:36
  Miss, your results have come in.
• 5:39
  Oh, no.
• 5:40
  Please sit down.
• 5:40
  Oh, yeah.
• 5:42
  Is there anyone you'd like me to call in here to be with you?
• 5:43
  No, just tell me.
• 5:45
  Just tell me.
• 5:46
  I can handle it.
• 5:48
  All right.
• 5:50
  The results came back and you tested positive for it Ugly duckling syndrome What Yes Oh my God I knew it I knew And there no known cure God I knew it I knew I was ugly
• 6:03
  I knew it.
• 6:05
  That's not what ugly duckling syndrome is.
• 6:07
  Oh God, it's worse?
• 6:08
  Yes.
• 6:09
  Oh no.
• 6:10
  Yes.
• 6:11
  You see, I had your parents fax me your childhood pictures.
• 6:16
  You spent so long being ugly.
• 6:19
  Yeah, I know.
• 6:20
  By the time you got hot, which is now,
• 6:22
  You still see yourself as ugly.
• 6:24
  Well, yeah, it's right there in the name, ugly.
• 6:28
  What I'm saying is you're not that thing,
• 6:30
  but you're still identifying with that thing,
• 6:33
  and it's causing a disturbance among people who are ugly.
• 6:35
  They don't like it.
• 6:37
  But I'm just like them.
• 6:39
  See, that's the problem.
• 6:41
  You used to be like them.
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  Now you're pissing them off.
• 6:45
  I don't want to be pissing off my fellow Uggos.
• 6:49
  You can't claim them.
• 6:51
  You're in a different group.
• 6:52
  No, you're hot.
• 6:53
  No, they're my people.
• 6:54
  No, they're not your people anymore.
• 6:55
  I have a petition from all of them.
• 6:57
  What?
• 6:57
  Every uggo?
• 6:58
  Yes.
• 6:59
  They said, please get her out of here.
• 7:00
  You didn't say, I, if they're on there, I'm going to sign it too.
• 7:03
  No, you can't.
• 7:04
  No.
• 7:05
  I'm signing it.
• 7:05
  I'm snapping your pencil.
• 7:08
  Here's the worst news.
• 7:10
  What?
• 7:11
  You unfortunately are in a very unfortunate third group.
• 7:16
  Hot people with a brain.
• 7:18
  It's lonely.
• 7:22
  Wait, who else is in this group?
• 7:27
  HIPAA, I can't say.
• 7:30
  So I just have to go find my community?
• 7:32
  Yes, but you have to be very careful because if you speak to ugly people as though you're ugly, they'll get upset.
• 7:38
  If you talk to smart people about bright ideas, they get confused.
• 7:42
  This world exists in a homeostatic balancing act.
• 7:46
  It's very elegant.
• 7:47
  I guess you said there's no cure for this?
• 7:52
  No cure. You just have to find your way.
• 7:54
  Oh, no. All right.
• 7:55
  Well, I guess I better go out into the world then.
• 7:59
  Yeah, you've heard that expression, it's a no-brainer?
• 8:01
  Yeah.
• 8:01
  This one's a brainer.
• 8:04
  Well, good luck.
• 8:06
  Thanks.
• 8:06
  See you in three months for your next appointment.
• 8:16
  Uh-huh.
• 8:17
  Oh, hey.
• 8:18
  Hey. Oh.
• 8:19
  Hi.
• 8:20
  You seem a little down
• 8:22
  What's wrong?
• 8:23
  It's just hard being ugly
• 8:25
  God, I get it
• 8:26
  What?
• 8:29
  Look at my hair today
• 8:30
  What do you mean?
• 8:32
  No, I mean, I get it
• 8:33
  I am on your side
• 8:36
  I'm being antagonized by a heartache
• 8:38
  No, no
• 8:40
  I'm taking these pills
• 8:42
  I'm falling down dead
• 8:44
  No, no
• 8:45
  Oh no
• 8:47
  My ugly husband
• 8:49
  I taking what left of the bears No please No I just one of you Ugly mama Ugly papa No Little baby no No I got my own bears
• 9:04
  Oh, no.
• 9:06
  You better go.
• 9:07
  You better go.
• 9:08
  Okay.
• 9:09
  I'm going to go take refuge in this library.
• 9:11
  Hurry, quick.
• 9:11
  Oh.
• 9:16
  I play that when I walk in.
• 9:18
  oh oh you're in a library too quick can you help me um sure what's the matter i've been i'm trying
• 9:25
  to you i'm sure you know the dewey decimal system um do we yeah who's he uh no he sounds hot no no
• 9:33
  it's a way to catalog books i'm looking for catalog yeah yeah i've got that no no no no here
• 9:41
  It's the latest issue of Vogue-oo.
• 9:45
  Oh, it's pronounced Vogue.
• 9:47
  What?
• 9:48
  It's pronounced Vogue, not Vogue-oo.
• 9:50
  Oh, we're in America.
• 9:52
  No, I know.
• 9:53
  I know we are, but that's how it's pronounced in America, too.
• 9:57
  I don't understand.
• 9:58
  No.
• 9:59
  No, it's...
• 10:01
  Here, can you help me?
• 10:03
  You were in a library.
• 10:04
  I'm assuming that you also have a brain like me.
• 10:06
  It's pronounced Vogue?
• 10:08
  Yeah, it's pronounced Vogue.
• 10:09
  No.
• 10:11
  I'm taking these hot pills.
• 10:13
  No, no, no, no.
• 10:14
  I'm calling down dead and hot.
• 10:16
  No, no, no, not another one.
• 10:18
  No.
• 10:19
  Hot Veronica, my girlfriend?
• 10:22
  Oh, sir.
• 10:23
  No.
• 10:25
  I'm taking these hot pills.
• 10:27
  No, no, please.
• 10:28
  No more pills.
• 10:29
  Oh, God.
• 10:30
  God, I got to get out of here.
• 10:31
  Hot mom?
• 10:31
  Hot dad?
• 10:33
  Oh, no.
• 10:34
  No, not you too.
• 10:35
  I'm taking my own hot child pill.
• 10:38
  No.
• 10:39
  No.
• 10:40
  Shh.
• 10:41
  Oh, librarian.
• 10:44
  Librarian.
• 10:45
  Come in here.
• 10:46
  Oh, can you help me, please?
• 10:48
  Yes, I can help you.
• 10:50
  You must not recognize me.
• 10:52
  Let me take this one pin that's holding my hair up and I'll throw it about.
• 10:56
  Oh my God, you're so hot.
• 10:59
  Hottie with a brain.
• 11:00
  Like knows like.
• 11:02
  You're one of me.
• 11:03
  I'm one of you.
• 11:04
  What are you doing out here?
• 11:05
  You're going to just rip the whole world.
• 11:08
  I'm sorry.
• 11:08
  I just, I have this like newfound disease.
• 11:11
  I don't know what to do with it.
• 11:12
  You just have to hide it.
• 11:15
  Okay.
• 11:17
  Is there others like us?
• 11:18
  There's many others.
• 11:20
  But we have to communicate privately.
• 11:23
  Or this whole thing collapses.
• 11:24
  I know it's tough, but you just gotta do it.
• 11:27
  Okay.
• 11:28
  Whatever you say.
• 11:29
  Can you mentor me in this world?
• 11:32
  Yes.
• 11:33
  Thank you.
• 11:33
  I'm willing to do that.
• 11:34
  After you pay your overdue library fines of $342.11.
• 11:39
  $342.11.
• 11:42
  I'm taking these pills.
• 11:45
  See you.