Latest / Barnyard Language / Growing Oatmeal, Burning Snow, and Spicy Sex w/ Faith Buhs of Stressed Out Mamas

Transcript

Growing Oatmeal, Burning Snow, and Spicy Sex w/ Faith Buhs of Stressed Out Mamas · Barnyard Language

• 0:47
  Arlene: So today we are talking to Faith Bush who's joining us
• 0:49
  from Saskatchewan and Faith.
• 0:51
  We start each of our interviews with the same question.
• 0:53
  So this is our way or your way to introduce yourself to our listeners.
• 0:57
  And we always ask, what are you growing?
• 0:59
  So that covers crops, livestock, kids, businesses, and
• 1:02
  whatever else you wanna cover.
• 1:03
  So what are you growing?
• 1:05
  Faith: So it's funny you bring that up because when I was talking to my
• 1:07
  hobby, I said, oh, we're a crop farm.
• 1:10
  He's like, that's no, we're a grain farm.
• 1:14
  We, we don't say crop farm in the agriculture business.
• 1:17
  And I was like, oh, I'm trying, I'm trying here.
• 1:21
  Yeah, you're getting there.
• 1:23
  So, um, you do grow crops, right?
• 1:25
  That's what I thought.
• 1:26
  Like you grow crops.
• 1:28
  So is it not just
• 1:28
  Arlene: a crop farm?
• 1:29
  Like
• 1:30
  Faith: farm?
• 1:31
  So grain farmers and then I have five kiddos.
• 1:35
  That are a blended family.
• 1:36
  And then I also have my own company, stressed out mamas.
• 1:41
  Arlene: So what ages are the, uh, that group of kids that you're talking
• 1:45
  Faith: about?
• 1:46
  So I've got 13, nine.
• 1:48
  Nine and four year old twins.
• 1:51
  And you're probably wondering why I said nine and nine.
• 1:54
  So we are a blended family.
• 1:56
  I have my two bonus boys that are 13 and nine, and then I have my daughter
• 2:00
  that my husband actually adopted.
• 2:02
  Um, she's nine as well.
• 2:04
  And they let everyone know they're not the bush twins, they're six months apart.
• 2:12
  Arlene: Very clear.
• 2:13
  Faith: Yeah.
• 2:14
  And then ironically enough, we ended up, when we decided to
• 2:16
  have an US kid, uh, with twins,
• 2:20
  Arlene: Yeah.
• 2:20
  So you got lots of, uh, double ages.
• 2:23
  Yes.
• 2:24
  Faith: I think we're the only blended family that can say that
• 2:26
  we only have three grads to go to, or three hockey teens to attend.
• 2:30
  It is perfect.
• 2:33
  Arlene: Yeah, that's true with, yeah.
• 2:35
  You're a big family, but you've, uh, doubled up some places there,
• 2:38
  so there's some efficiencies.
• 2:40
  Yeah.
• 2:40
  So what kinds of, uh, grains are you
• 2:42
  Faith: growing?
• 2:44
  This'll be fun.
• 2:45
  Okay.
• 2:45
  We grow canola.
• 2:48
  Barley, wheat and oats.
• 2:54
  And the reason I think it'll be fun is because my husband and I were
• 2:58
  just recently having the conversation with seeding up and coming about a
• 3:02
  new crop rotation, and I thought I was gonna hit it right on the mark.
• 3:06
  I was like, we should plant oatmeal.
• 3:10
  Mm-hmm.
• 3:11
  And he was just like, what do you think of that oatmeal honey?
• 3:15
  I was like, yeah, like, don't you just like pick it off the like
• 3:19
  stem or the like the stock and you just like, and he's like, oh
• 3:23
  honey, oh, I just love you so much.
• 3:32
  Arlene: So I think that leads well into Katie's next question.
• 3:36
  Caite: I feel like in all fairness here, we would say that you're
• 3:39
  a row crop farmer, so I feel like you were pretty close.
• 3:42
  Also, please tell 'em that you want to plant corn checks
• 3:46
  and see how that goes over.
• 3:48
  Or honey puffs or something.
• 3:50
  Who plant Cheerios next year, babe.
• 3:52
  You're right.
• 3:54
  Smart ass.
• 3:55
  Um, so.
• 3:58
  I don't wanna say clearly you're not from a farm background,
• 4:01
  um, cuz that would be rude.
• 4:03
  But how, how has your adjustment been to this life?
• 4:08
  It
• 4:09
  Faith: has been like a slap in the face.
• 4:12
  I now understand that when you come from this city going out to
• 4:16
  the farm, you don't plant oatmeal.
• 4:18
  Like it comes from oats and.
• 4:21
  Is then processed to oatmeal.
• 4:24
  But like I thought we learned about farms.
• 4:27
  Like Saskatchewan is a prairie province.
• 4:30
  Farming is like one of the staples.
• 4:32
  And I was like, I know nothing like snap.
• 4:36
  So I have learned along the way.
• 4:41
  Um, and my husband, I should also preference, he is a jokester.
• 4:44
  His whole family are jokesters.
• 4:47
  So very early on in the relationship, he made me believe that in
• 4:52
  Saskatchewan we could burn snow and.
• 4:59
  I love you guys' reaction.
• 5:00
  You're just like, what?
• 5:03
  So I
• 5:04
  Caite: thought, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
• 5:06
  Like burn it as fuel, or like burn it to get it off the fields or all of the above.
• 5:15
  So, I like your husband.
• 5:17
  I'm, I'm just gonna say it like not to throw you under the
• 5:20
  bus here, but he is one of us.
• 5:23
  You are clearly one of us, but he is also clearly one of us cuz that sounds
• 5:28
  like something my husband would too.
• 5:31
  Right.
• 5:31
  Faith: So he said, um, how the story went was in Saskatchewan, we don't burn
• 5:36
  snow because it affects cat libidos and we just have so mice to mice around
• 5:41
  that we would not want that to happen.
• 5:44
  So we need to have lots of cats so we don't have a lot of mice, but in Manitoba
• 5:51
  and like further out that way, they burned snow all the time and he was showing
• 5:56
  me videos and I took it upon myself.
• 6:00
  To blast Facebook and be like, I can't believe you.
• 6:03
  Saskatchewan.
• 6:04
  Farmers don't burn snow.
• 6:05
  What is wrong with you guys?
• 6:06
  Who cares about cats libido?
• 6:08
  We can take care of the mice problem a different way.
• 6:12
  And then my father-in-law called me and he just asked me very politely,
• 6:19
  but very firmly to remove the post.
• 6:23
  Now I should also preference, he has, uh, taken on the RM Reeve here, so
• 6:30
  he's in contact with a lot of farmers.
• 6:33
  And I guess when I posted it, it was not many seconds later that they all had
• 6:38
  called him going, is she really that city?
• 6:41
  Like we knew she was c but she's that city.
• 6:46
  And he was just like, I don't understand honey.
• 6:49
  Like they don't teach you this stuff in, in the city.
• 6:51
  And I was like, Well, I think it was how my husband just preference it.
• 6:55
  Like he was very convincing.
• 6:58
  Like I wouldn't know any difference.
• 7:00
  I thought it was a thing.
• 7:03
  So the farming culture has been quite a shock.
• 7:06
  People definitely like to take me for a ride sometimes because I'm just
• 7:10
  so like, oh yeah, that makes sense.
• 7:12
  And then they start to laugh after.
• 7:13
  I'm like, oh, you were joking.
• 7:15
  Caite: In your defense, they're the ones who raised him to be that full of shit.
• 7:20
  So I really feel like this comes back on them.
• 7:22
  This is not on you.
• 7:25
  On the other hand, I feel like we need to make him some sort of trophy
• 7:29
  because seriously, the cat's libidos, like that's, that's some like next
• 7:36
  level shit talking right there.
• 7:38
  Like that is, that's impressive.
• 7:42
  That's not just like, Normal level shit talking.
• 7:46
  And in all fairness, I realized this morning I was trying to tell my kids
• 7:50
  about, uh, platypus and I realized that I tell them so much bullshit, and they're
• 7:56
  four and six, that they don't believe that a platypus is a real thing because
• 8:01
  this is what happens when you raise your kids with this level of bullshit.
• 8:04
  They don't believe anything now.
• 8:06
  Arlene: Right.
• 8:07
  Well, and there's so many creatures that aren't real, right?
• 8:09
  Like we tell them about unicorns and we put them on t-shirts and.
• 8:14
  Beds, breads and put them in TV shows, and that's not a real thing.
• 8:17
  So why would a Platy pus be real?
• 8:19
  Like it doesn't make any sense.
• 8:20
  Like it lays eggs, but it has fur, but it's sweat.
• 8:24
  Like it's all the things that shouldn't.
• 8:27
  Shouldn't be a thing and they're never gonna see
• 8:29
  Caite: one.
• 8:30
  Right.
• 8:30
  Well, I think the, the other issue was that the girl child thought
• 8:33
  I was talking about an octopus and she was like, no, mommy.
• 8:37
  They live in deep water.
• 8:39
  Like Right.
• 8:40
  Arlene: Eight legs, come on.
• 8:42
  This
• 8:42
  Caite: kid believes in unicorns, believes that they are real.
• 8:45
  Does not believe in plant pie.
• 8:47
  Yes.
• 8:48
  Oh, that's
• 8:48
  Faith: awesome.
• 8:48
  Anyway.
• 8:51
  Anyway.
• 8:52
  But you just gotta have funt in life.
• 8:54
  I think if you take it too serious, then like you just get
• 8:57
  this like grouchiness to you.
• 8:59
  So I am grateful that we can joke and stuff.
• 9:02
  And my father-in-law, like this snow burning thing, it was six years ago and
• 9:07
  still random strangers come up to me.
• 9:10
  Oh, you're the snow farming, snow burning wife.
• 9:15
  Caite: Yeah, if they're gonna know you for something better, it
• 9:18
  should be something funny, right?
• 9:19
  Cause they could be like, you're the one who smells really bad, or
• 9:24
  you know, you're the one with the really bad attitude or something.
• 9:26
  Like, I'd rather be known for something funny, right?
• 9:31
  Like it's.
• 9:34
  I found out a couple months ago that I am known at our local
• 9:37
  vet's office as the duck lady.
• 9:41
  And like of all the things I thought I'd be known for, that wasn't it?
• 9:44
  But I'm like, you know what?
• 9:46
  I'm okay with that.
• 9:48
  Like, yeah, that's not the worst.
• 9:49
  No, I'd rather be known as the duck lady than, oh, that fucking bitch.
• 9:53
  You know?
• 9:53
  Like it could be a lot worse.
• 9:55
  Arlene: So now have you ever brought ducks into the vet clinic?
• 10:00
  Or it's just that you actually have duck.
• 10:01
  I did not confirm more than
• 10:02
  Caite: I, that I have actually brought a duck with an eye infection into
• 10:06
  our very serious, large animal vet.
• 10:09
  And that
• 10:10
  Arlene: is fine.
• 10:11
  Presented.
• 10:12
  Don't want your duck to suffer.
• 10:13
  Caite: Exactly.
• 10:13
  No.
• 10:14
  And now I
• 10:14
  Arlene: know how to treat it.
• 10:15
  It's probably cheaper than a farm call, right?
• 10:17
  Like if they weren't already coming to the farm.
• 10:18
  You don't wanna call them out for just a duck if there
• 10:21
  wasn't anything else happening.
• 10:22
  Caite: No, totally.
• 10:23
  But I think this was 11 years ago and they still call me the duck lady, so yeah.
• 10:29
  Whatever anyway.
• 10:31
  But yeah,
• 10:31
  Arlene: still, still not the worst thing you could be.
• 10:34
  No.
• 10:34
  So you mentioned that, um, one of the things you're growing is a business.
• 10:38
  So can you tell us about, um, what it's called, because I love
• 10:42
  your name and why you started it.
• 10:44
  What was your inspiration?
• 10:46
  Faith: So, um, when I moved out to the farm, I realized that supporting local
• 10:50
  Canadian businesses just wasn't common.
• 10:53
  Amazon Prime, they get great shipping, fast shipping.
• 10:58
  That's how people did it out here and in the city.
• 11:00
  There are so many knickknack shops of Canadian local made
• 11:04
  products that you could just go in.
• 11:06
  So I was really frustrated with that.
• 11:09
  So I decided after the twins, um, daycare just wasn't affordable for us anymore.
• 11:14
  I was like, Nope, I'm gonna work to pay daycare.
• 11:18
  I'm just gonna stay home.
• 11:19
  But I've always had that hustle mentality and my husband was like,
• 11:23
  well, start your own business.
• 11:24
  I.
• 11:26
  It's just that simple structure, our business.
• 11:29
  So we sat Yeah.
• 11:31
  Arlene: Out, out on the farm.
• 11:32
  No problem.
• 11:32
  Yeah.
• 11:33
  Faith: You know,
• 11:34
  Caite: and I was like, you could have done custom snow burning.
• 11:38
  You should tell, tell your father-in-law that that's your new business idea
• 11:43
  and see how far you can wind him up.
• 11:45
  He deserves it.
• 11:46
  Faith: Oh my gosh.
• 11:47
  And I should like get a tractor and like, Put some stuff like, I don't
• 11:52
  know, blow dryers on it or something.
• 11:54
  Well, they,
• 11:56
  Caite: they make flame heaters, like waiters are a serious thing.
• 11:59
  So just, just mock up a business card.
• 12:03
  Let me know if you need help.
• 12:04
  Like I am all in on this concept.
• 12:07
  Oh my god, cat reproductive.
• 12:10
  Katie's your first franchisee and custom snow burning.
• 12:13
  Absolutely.
• 12:15
  Oh,
• 12:15
  Faith: that's gonna be perfect.
• 12:16
  Oh, and it'll just get him going again.
• 12:19
  He's always like, faith, shut up.
• 12:21
  Shut the fuck up.
• 12:22
  Don't say it in public anymore.
• 12:23
  I'm like, but I just can.
• 12:24
  It's just so perfect.
• 12:27
  Arlene: Everybody remembers it, right?
• 12:28
  So,
• 12:29
  Faith: um,
• 12:30
  Caite: so yeah, so I think Faith is my new bestie.
• 12:32
  I'm just gonna put it out there.
• 12:36
  Faith: I've been replaced.
• 12:39
  Oh, well how about we just do a trio thing?
• 12:41
  I'm down here.
• 12:42
  Okay.
• 12:42
  That that works.
• 12:43
  Yeah.
• 12:45
  So we were sitting around the kitchen table at.
• 12:47
  Arlene: Um, so you were just, I think it was right about the time you were saying,
• 12:51
  you were sitting around the, the table talking about what kind of business.
• 12:54
  Yeah,
• 12:55
  Faith: so I was sitting around the kitchen table with the kids and we were trying
• 12:57
  to come up with a business name and my 13 year old at the time would've been 11.
• 13:04
  And he goes, you're stressed all the time, mom.
• 13:10
  Mm-hmm.
• 13:11
  Mm-hmm.
• 13:11
  And he's like, stressed out, mom.
• 13:13
  Every mom is stressed.
• 13:14
  Really?
• 13:14
  If you think about it, y'all are batshit crazy.
• 13:19
  And my husband was sitting there going in one, two, you're gonna get your head
• 13:24
  chewed off, we're gonna hear swearing.
• 13:27
  And he was just like, everyone was just like, oh, shit.
• 13:30
  He said it.
• 13:32
  And I was like, you.
• 13:33
  It's a great name
• 13:35
  Arlene: and every and And you're not
• 13:37
  Faith: wrong.
• 13:38
  Yeah, right.
• 13:39
  Everyone, we are stressed.
• 13:41
  Right?
• 13:42
  And I think it connects with so many people.
• 13:44
  And I've talked to lots of branding and a lots of marketing people and
• 13:48
  they're like, A lot of businesses don't lead with negativity, but you do.
• 13:54
  And I said, because it's true.
• 13:57
  We kind of, yeah, don't wanna talk about negative things, but they're
• 14:01
  there and you can't see positive if you don't have a negative.
• 14:06
  So stressed out, mamas became mama name.
• 14:12
  And then from there, I used to be a pamper box.
• 14:16
  So every month you would get a Pamper item.
• 14:18
  You'd get six items to Pam, yourself with, because I was on this crusade
• 14:22
  of being we're I'm gonna change the world, this is gonna be perfect.
• 14:26
  And everyone was like, it is perfect, but not for long term.
• 14:31
  I, I feel guilty.
• 14:32
  And I'm like, what?
• 14:33
  No, no.
• 14:34
  I'm gonna shove this down your throat.
• 14:36
  You're gonna enjoy it.
• 14:37
  You have no fucking choice, and this is what we're doing.
• 14:41
  And people are like, no, this is not
• 14:43
  Arlene: what we're doing.
• 14:46
  Faith: So my business took a huge pivot.
• 14:50
  Now it is an essential motherhood kit.
• 14:53
  It comes with cooking, cleaning, home decor, and then
• 14:58
  just a tiny bit of pampering.
• 15:00
  So you still get to have that aspect in your life because the reality is, we
• 15:06
  wanna say that we can pamper ourselves.
• 15:07
  We wanna be able to spoil ourselves, but we just feel guilty.
• 15:11
  And that was never the intent of my business.
• 15:13
  It was to make motherhood easy and to make sure.
• 15:16
  Uh, shopping Canadian business is easy.
• 15:18
  It was never for guilt.
• 15:20
  So that's where my business has taken me.
• 15:22
  Um, I've been in business now for two years.
• 15:24
  I just celebrated my anniversary January 4th, and it has just been
• 15:29
  so beautiful, but crazy enough.
• 15:33
  My number one subscriber is Ontario Customers.
• 15:38
  Caite: Very cool.
• 15:39
  Faith: Where I'm based in Saskatchewan, and the pandemic
• 15:43
  took me to a couple online shows that Ontario just keeps loving me.
• 15:47
  And Saskatchewan is still like, we know you, a snow burning person.
• 15:51
  I don't know if we can trust with a business yet.
• 15:56
  Arlene: I like that you were willing to be flexible though, right?
• 15:59
  Like not just like, this is, this is the way I see it, see it and this is
• 16:03
  the way it's gonna be, but actually listening to your clients and to your
• 16:06
  customers and, and realizing that they wanted something a little bit
• 16:10
  different from what you are offering.
• 16:12
  So that's a really, really good to know that you can, you can adjust, right?
• 16:17
  Because sometimes people just get stuck in on, yeah, like you said,
• 16:21
  this is the way, this is the way I see it, so this is the way it's gonna be.
• 16:24
  But yeah, if, I mean, I know that if I got pampering items, you know,
• 16:29
  that many every month, they would probably start to stockpile after a
• 16:33
  while and you'd think like, well, I'm not getting through them, so maybe
• 16:36
  I'll cancel because, you know, like, I've got lots to last me for a while.
• 16:39
  Right.
• 16:39
  So that's good that there's a bit of variety
• 16:41
  Caite: too, I have to say too, as someone who's never been real good
• 16:46
  at relaxing, And certainly is not now with, you know, a full-time
• 16:50
  job and two little kids in a farm.
• 16:53
  That to me, the most pampering, rewarding, relaxing thing at this point
• 16:58
  in my life is to be able to cross off all the little shit on my to-do list.
• 17:02
  All those little projects that just pile up and it's just all that little shit.
• 17:11
  You know, when you like buy new shoelaces for somebody, but then they just sit there
• 17:15
  on the counter for six months because you're never gonna like put it on your
• 17:19
  to-do list, to change out shoelaces.
• 17:22
  And so to me, the idea of having a, a box that comes with like a nicer candle than
• 17:29
  I might normally buy for myself or like fancier cleaning products or whatever,
• 17:34
  is much more the kind of self-care that I want and can like, Get into because
• 17:45
  to me, getting a pampering box that then goes wasted, A feels like, why the fuck
• 17:50
  don't I ever have any time for myself?
• 17:52
  And also, why am I wasting this money on this stuff that I'll never use?
• 17:55
  And also now I just feel worse about the fact that I never take any time for
• 17:59
  myself and that I don't enjoy it when I do because I'm thinking about all the shoe
• 18:03
  laces and all that little shit that I do.
• 18:06
  You
• 18:06
  Arlene: have shoe laces currently on your
• 18:08
  Caite: counter, Katie?
• 18:09
  No, but I did put in soles in two pairs of my husband's shoes
• 18:12
  this morning because they've been sitting on on the counter for weeks.
• 18:15
  Yeah, a little thing got done.
• 18:17
  Right.
• 18:18
  Just gonna do it.
• 18:19
  Do it.
• 18:20
  So faith also, Arlene and I were talking about how you
• 18:24
  should have a farm mom based.
• 18:26
  Line, but then we realized that it would probably just be like
• 18:30
  earplugs, oxyclean and whiskey.
• 18:32
  Um, which I think is a totally valid box.
• 18:36
  Personally, you could throw some like, you know, uh, livestock paint
• 18:41
  markers in there or something too.
• 18:43
  Oh my God, yes, yes.
• 18:45
  Some, uh, heavyweight oil, something like that.
• 18:48
  But how do you pick the items that go into your boxes?
• 18:52
  Faith: Yeah, so originally it used to be me vetting all of these Canadian
• 18:56
  companies and spending hours, and now because of half such a big
• 18:59
  name, I have companies coming to me.
• 19:02
  So I make sure there's always a cleaner and there's always a cooking
• 19:06
  product because I know for myself, like it's a, it's a farm thing.
• 19:12
  I know it is the oil and the grease and the crap that my husband
• 19:16
  comes home with on his clothes.
• 19:17
  I'm like, Can we throw it out?
• 19:19
  Like, I don't even wanna wash this.
• 19:20
  I'm, and he's like, no.
• 19:23
  I'm like, oh, fine.
• 19:25
  I'll wash the stupid thing.
• 19:26
  Or like the dirt that's in my house.
• 19:29
  I'm like, my family comes from the city.
• 19:31
  They're like, faith, I don't understand.
• 19:32
  Like the, the dirt.
• 19:35
  It's, it's different dirt.
• 19:36
  And I was like, it's it's farm dirt.
• 19:38
  Arlene: Like it's just there.
• 19:39
  It doesn't go away.
• 19:43
  Caite: So that's the thing too, when people are like, oh, I live in the city.
• 19:46
  Oh my, I, I need to dust.
• 19:47
  And I'm like, this is not dust in my house.
• 19:49
  This is straight up, like this is topsoil, this is not dust.
• 19:55
  Plus we live on a gravel road, like it is dust, but it's also
• 19:58
  straight topsoil and cow shit.
• 20:00
  Like, oh right, let's just embrace it.
• 20:03
  You know,
• 20:04
  Faith: just embrace it.
• 20:05
  So like, that was my thing.
• 20:06
  I was like, I always wanna have a cleaning product that's going to
• 20:08
  be used and going to be heavy duty.
• 20:12
  I'm, I always want a cooking product because I'm always cooking and with
• 20:16
  us having harvest and seeding like we cook meals, I'm so gracious.
• 20:21
  My mother-in-law does not wanna release the reigns on that.
• 20:24
  She wants to die on that hill.
• 20:26
  And I'm going,
• 20:28
  Arlene: Good for you.
• 20:29
  I'm okay with that.
• 20:32
  Faith: So, but even cooking meals at home, like it's such a boring task.
• 20:37
  And I, before I started having children, I went to culinary school.
• 20:41
  I wanted to be a chef.
• 20:42
  I was super, and now I'm like, I fucking hate cooking.
• 20:45
  I don't know what to cook.
• 20:46
  Oh fuck, I gotta cook another meal today.
• 20:49
  Arlene: Oh, could someone, why did they eat so often?
• 20:51
  Right?
• 20:52
  All day, every day.
• 20:54
  And
• 20:54
  Caite: then it faith, this is proof that we really are like meant to be.
• 20:57
  Because I also went to culinary school and spent the first like 20 years
• 21:02
  of my working life in restaurants.
• 21:04
  Yeah.
• 21:04
  And so now when I bitch about cooking, my husband's like, but you love cooking.
• 21:08
  And I'm like, you collect tractors.
• 21:10
  You love tractors.
• 21:11
  But this is like, if every day you went out and changed the oil three fucking
• 21:15
  times and everybody bitched about how they don't like how you changed the
• 21:18
  oil, but you never got to drive it.
• 21:21
  You never got to take it out of the shed.
• 21:23
  You just changed the fucking oil.
• 21:26
  You're not.
• 21:27
  This is not what I love about cooking.
• 21:30
  Making chicken nuggets 50 fucking times a day.
• 21:34
  Microwaving corn dogs is not why I went to school.
• 21:37
  Okay.
• 21:39
  Exactly.
• 21:41
  I like, I don't want cook, I don't want to eat the stuff that I would
• 21:45
  like to cook because at this point I'm so tired that I'm not gonna like
• 21:50
  cook a four course meal and then, you know, sit down and then clean up.
• 21:55
  Right.
• 21:56
  Couldn't I have a fucking corn dog?
• 21:58
  Arlene: Exactly.
• 21:58
  Yeah.
• 21:59
  Cuz when you were cook, when you were cooking, you had a dishwasher too, right?
• 22:02
  So you could make a, all the mess you wanted and somebody got
• 22:05
  Caite: was someone else's job to clean it up.
• 22:07
  Arlene: Somebody.
• 22:08
  Right?
• 22:08
  Yeah.
• 22:10
  That's a whole different task.
• 22:12
  Faith: And like I find like trying to cook new food that I'm gonna be
• 22:17
  interested in, that the kids like, it's like bang in my head on a wall.
• 22:21
  I'm like, I don't want chicken nuggets.
• 22:23
  Can we just try something different?
• 22:26
  And they're like, well, no, I want chicken nuggets.
• 22:28
  I'm like, fuck you.
• 22:29
  Then have your chicken nuggets and I'm gonna make my chicken nugget look pretty.
• 22:34
  Then, I don't know,
• 22:36
  Caite: just garnish the shit out of those chicken nuggets.
• 22:39
  Faith, just garnish the shit out of it.
• 22:41
  There you go.
• 22:42
  It's got a drizzle and tossed in something.
• 22:44
  It gets a little, little, uh, radish roses right there next
• 22:47
  to your, next to your nuggets.
• 22:50
  Plopped right there on top of the ranch.
• 22:52
  Faith: Right.
• 22:54
  That was the staple of my box now, and that's how I picked them, knowing
• 22:58
  that this product is going to be used.
• 23:01
  And what would be even better is if I introduced you to a, a cooking
• 23:05
  product or a cleaning product and you went, I love this so much, I'm
• 23:09
  now gonna buy from them directly.
• 23:12
  Because now I've connected two people that probably would've never found
• 23:15
  each other because a lot of Canadian businesses don't go on Amazon,
• 23:19
  um, until they're big, big, big.
• 23:22
  But how do you get big?
• 23:23
  When people don't know about you, it's an like such a weird concept to me that
• 23:27
  a lot of people don't know about people.
• 23:30
  And even for myself, the businesses I've come across, I'm like, how,
• 23:34
  how long have you been in business?
• 23:35
  Oh, I've been in business for like 10, 15 years.
• 23:37
  I'm like,
• 23:38
  Arlene: oh, that,
• 23:39
  Faith: that's cool.
• 23:40
  You know your shit.
• 23:43
  Arlene: Yeah.
• 23:45
  Yeah.
• 23:45
  And those little businesses that are maybe in like their local stores
• 23:48
  or a handful of grocery stores, you know, kind of like those small
• 23:52
  regional economies, but are, you know, maybe have online shops, but Yeah.
• 23:55
  How do they then branch out and find new customers right outside of their area?
• 24:02
  Caite: Yeah.
• 24:03
  I hate to say too, like I use Amazon because I can get everything at one place.
• 24:08
  Like I would much rather support local places.
• 24:10
  But if I have to like order from one place and then order from another
• 24:14
  place and then keep track of all those packages, it just, and pay shipping
• 24:18
  Arlene: on everything.
• 24:19
  Caite: Yes.
• 24:20
  Right.
• 24:21
  Just.
• 24:22
  I don't wanna deal with it.
• 24:24
  Faith: So my eventual idea is to have a warehouse of cooking and cleaning products
• 24:30
  that you can try out in the subscription.
• 24:32
  And if you love it, we can just create it again for you.
• 24:35
  That would be the ideal world, because Exactly.
• 24:38
  I don't wanna go to six different places.
• 24:40
  I don't have time.
• 24:42
  I really don't.
• 24:43
  I wish I could say I did, but I got a husband who's a farmer that
• 24:46
  I've gotta run meals to or check on him or I'm stuck, come get me.
• 24:50
  And then I've got kids going, well, I got sports in school,
• 24:53
  are you gonna come get me?
• 24:54
  Like, no, I don't have time for this shit.
• 24:58
  I just don't.
• 24:59
  And then all of my city friends are always like, well, faith, you
• 25:03
  know your house is looking so blah.
• 25:06
  Don't you have any like decor pieces that you set out every holiday?
• 25:09
  Or don't you like, has there something new in your house?
• 25:12
  I'm like, I'll go to the fucking barn and grab some old wheels or
• 25:17
  something, I'll throw 'em in the house.
• 25:18
  Do you want that?
• 25:18
  Like, I don't have time to go shopping for home, for house decor.
• 25:22
  You guys, who does?
• 25:23
  Who's got that time?
• 25:25
  But people are like, well why not?
• 25:28
  I don't understand.
• 25:28
  You're stay home mom now.
• 25:30
  And I'm like, no, nope.
• 25:32
  No, it's way different.
• 25:33
  It's so different.
• 25:35
  Um, so that's where the home decor piece had tied in was I was so
• 25:39
  sick of people saying, well, you know, just look at Pinterest.
• 25:42
  You can go to the dollar store and get stuff.
• 25:44
  I'm like, I have time to create dollar store decor, you guys.
• 25:48
  I really don't care.
• 25:51
  I'm thinking about how I'm going to survive and cook the
• 25:54
  chicken fucking nuggets tonight.
• 25:56
  That's my plan.
• 25:59
  Caite: I love.
• 25:59
  You may have seen on Yeah, and it's, oh, sorry, Arlene, on our Instagram I posted,
• 26:04
  you know, we see all this farmhouse decor.
• 26:07
  Thank you Chip and Joanna of just white.
• 26:11
  Minimalist shit.
• 26:13
  And I posted a picture of our entryway with the literal like
• 26:16
  mountain of coats that is as tall as I am, and I am almost six feet tall.
• 26:21
  That's just like an avalanche.
• 26:24
  And I'm like, you know, no, farmhouse Magazine has come
• 26:27
  to feature my house recently.
• 26:29
  And then when people are like, this is my seasonal decor that I put out
• 26:32
  for two weeks before Halloween, and then I put it away and I'm like,
• 26:36
  God bless you for having the energy.
• 26:38
  But how, like I know people with small children and jobs who do this and
• 26:45
  like, I legitimately don't understand how, you know, like more, more power.
• 26:52
  I have,
• 26:52
  Arlene: I have cobwebs, but yeah, they're, they're seasonal.
• 26:57
  Like actual spiders.
• 27:00
  That's good.
• 27:00
  Halloween
• 27:01
  Caite: decor for me, it's a little nature preserve right in the house, Arlene.
• 27:04
  Yeah, for sure.
• 27:07
  Arlene: So that you already mentioned one of your future goals for the business.
• 27:10
  Um, do you have any other things that you're working towards or things that
• 27:14
  you have in the back of your mind that you're, uh, would like to see
• 27:18
  Faith: in the future?
• 27:19
  Um, I think just getting my name out there.
• 27:21
  So I have been kind of for two years that hidden secret, that hidden gem
• 27:25
  because I was like, well, I'm a farmer's wife and I've found, um, coming from
• 27:30
  the city, I'm very like, I'm gonna do me, you do, you, you got the farm,
• 27:35
  good on you, but I'm gonna do my thing.
• 27:37
  And people are like, no, you're a farm wife.
• 27:41
  Like where do you get that mentality from?
• 27:45
  You gotta fit into this farm wife box.
• 27:47
  And I'm like, yeah, sure, I'll try.
• 27:51
  And my husband's like, no.
• 27:52
  If I wanted that, I would've married somebody out here.
• 27:56
  I found you.
• 27:57
  I love you.
• 27:58
  And I'm like, thank you so much.
• 28:00
  Thank you.
• 28:01
  But my next year.
• 28:04
  Getting people to know who I am and knowing that I'm out here.
• 28:07
  And you don't have to be some high princess to have the decor in my box.
• 28:14
  You don't have to be somebody that's like, oh, I'm gonna get a subscription.
• 28:17
  It's just gonna be filled with shit.
• 28:19
  I can't stand subscription boxes that have shit in them where it piles up,
• 28:24
  like you guys were saying, it piles up.
• 28:25
  Then you feel guilty that it's piled up because you're not
• 28:28
  spending time on yourself.
• 28:29
  No, I want this stuff to be used in a month.
• 28:31
  And if you, it takes you longer to use, it means that you
• 28:33
  don't like it, get rid of it.
• 28:35
  If you pass it along to the next person, if you like it,
• 28:39
  you're gonna use it real quick.
• 28:41
  Um, so that's where my goals are.
• 28:44
  Just getting people to know I'm here.
• 28:46
  Um, sadly I'm only gonna be focusing on Canada.
• 28:49
  So the u my us ladies, I have a lot of them like, Hey, what about us?
• 28:53
  And I'm going, Oh, it's so logistical issues right now.
• 28:57
  I'm not even gonna be touching that for many years to come.
• 29:00
  So I'm gonna focus here on Canada and really get people to know that I'm here
• 29:04
  and I'm here to support the motherhood journey, not make it more stressful.
• 29:08
  Um,
• 29:11
  Caite: so off topic, how did you and your husband meet?
• 29:15
  Faith: Well, I'm gonna be honest because honesty is the best policy.
• 29:20
  We lied to everyone in our life.
• 29:21
  We said that we met at an auction house, which is kind of true.
• 29:26
  Um, after my, I had my daughter, uh, her sperm donor, I had split, and I use the
• 29:33
  word sperm donor because he truly is, um, a piece of work, very toxic and abusive.
• 29:40
  Um, so I was like, I'm not dating anyone.
• 29:42
  And my mother is, again, another toxic person in my life.
• 29:46
  So she's jumped from small town to small town.
• 29:48
  So I've always kind of had that small town feel to me, and I've kept in contact
• 29:51
  with a lot of my friends and they went.
• 29:52
  We're gonna put you on a website called Farmers.
• 29:55
  Only you heard of it.
• 30:00
  Arlene: Katie met her husband on
• 30:01
  Caite: Farmers only
• 30:06
  when on my first date.
• 30:07
  But guys are twin.
• 30:07
  The literally the day after he told his parents he was never getting married.
• 30:12
  He was never having kids.
• 30:14
  Nothing.
• 30:14
  We went on six dates and seven days.
• 30:16
  We were engaged three months later.
• 30:19
  Yeah.
• 30:20
  Right.
• 30:21
  Obviously.
• 30:22
  Faith: So my friends had put me on there and they had paid for a
• 30:27
  month and they said, if you wanna keep after a month, it's on you.
• 30:30
  And I was like, fuck that.
• 30:32
  I'm not paying to fucking meet a guy.
• 30:34
  Like the fuck.
• 30:36
  So two days before my.
• 30:40
  Account was going to expire.
• 30:42
  And I had only met US farmers.
• 30:44
  It was very few and far between Canadian ones.
• 30:46
  And if they were, they were in Alberta.
• 30:48
  And I was like, Ugh, I don't know if I can move from my family.
• 30:52
  I'm so close to them.
• 30:53
  So I had met Devin and in two days, like I really was like,
• 30:58
  uh, I don't even wanna date.
• 30:59
  I really have no interest in this.
• 31:02
  Well, two days I said, hi, my, my name is Faith.
• 31:05
  And he's like, where do you work?
• 31:06
  I work at an auction house.
• 31:08
  And then it expired and I don't know why he thought this is the one.
• 31:15
  And he stalked the shit out of me to find out the auction
• 31:18
  Arlene: house I was at, and then
• 31:22
  Faith: proceeded to come to the auction house and was like, oh, you know who I am.
• 31:27
  Arlene: Do I know who you're,
• 31:30
  Caite: should I,
• 31:30
  Arlene: should I know who
• 31:31
  Faith: you're?
• 31:32
  And then like after that, he was so persistent and like, so smitten by me
• 31:37
  and I was like, Yeah, you're so cute.
• 31:41
  But I'm a city girl, can you move your farm closer?
• 31:44
  Like, what?
• 31:46
  And he's like, yeah, does that work?
• 31:49
  And ironically enough, he was just coming out of a marriage.
• 31:53
  Um, he has had a very toxic marriage.
• 31:57
  They, they were, you know, high school dating, oh, we live in a small
• 32:02
  town, you'll never find anybody.
• 32:03
  Let's just make it work.
• 32:06
  And yeah, he had just come outta that marriage and we had met it.
• 32:10
  They, she had been moved out for a couple of weeks.
• 32:13
  They had split a year before.
• 32:16
  But, um, when it comes to fathers and parenting, it becomes very, Toxic.
• 32:24
  Sadly a lot of mothers will take the children away or you're on a farm while
• 32:27
  I'm going to the city kind of thing.
• 32:30
  So they had split before.
• 32:32
  He wanted to keep them home for harvest.
• 32:33
  And then after harvest, so this was November when we had met and I didn't
• 32:38
  understand when we had met what everyone around us was like, wow, she is a harlett.
• 32:44
  She's the one that split this marriage up.
• 32:46
  She's this.
• 32:46
  And I'm like, whatcha talking about?
• 32:50
  And it's because they were just such a private farm there.
• 32:53
  They don't talk about anything.
• 32:56
  So we just, he's like, do you mind if we lie how we match?
• 32:59
  And I was like, I'm okay with that.
• 33:00
  Cause I think people might think we're really fucked up if we go, Hey, I met on
• 33:04
  farmers only, but I know nothing about farms and I'm so naive that you can like
• 33:09
  bullshit your way on anything with a farm.
• 33:11
  And he's like, yeah, let's just like keep it on the down low.
• 33:15
  So we've never told anyone that we met on Farmers only, but like I will,
• 33:20
  I I gave them a raving review saying I met my husband and I would highly
• 33:25
  recommend the site to anyone that wants to get into the farming community
• 33:31
  Caite: early.
• 33:31
  We should get them to sponsor us.
• 33:33
  Cause I think, didn't we have another guest who met
• 33:35
  their spouse on Farmers only?
• 33:36
  Arlene: Yeah.
• 33:37
  Uh, Andy, um, Cajun, um, yeah, see Yes.
• 33:41
  He and his wife Martin
• 33:42
  Caite: met on there too.
• 33:42
  We should notes us though and see how many farmers we matched with in
• 33:45
  common faith and see it's uh, there's a
• 33:49
  Arlene: real, real Yes.
• 33:49
  There was some crossover in the years
• 33:50
  Caite: you were on there.
• 33:51
  Yeah, yeah.
• 33:55
  Faith: Yeah.
• 33:56
  So that's how we met.
• 33:56
  We met at Farmers only.
• 33:58
  And I just think it's so funny because.
• 34:01
  I, I'm clearly, I have no farming background.
• 34:03
  I just thought it would be a great way to raise kids.
• 34:06
  It was more simplistic life than having the bitty busy
• 34:09
  hustle and bustle of the city.
• 34:11
  That was the only reason I was like, maybe a farmer would be good for me.
• 34:16
  Caite: So one of the reasons that we started the podcast was the
• 34:21
  isolation after becoming parents.
• 34:24
  And I'm wondering what your transition to motherhood was like and especially, you
• 34:29
  know, going from having one kid, right?
• 34:34
  Two kids when you had
• 34:36
  Faith: Yeah, I had one, I had one, he had two.
• 34:39
  So it was motherhood transition from one to three, but it was also the transition
• 34:46
  of going from a, an severely abusive relationship to a normal relationship.
• 34:53
  So my first bit of motherhood was just so weird.
• 34:57
  I didn't know how to do it.
• 34:59
  I was also, um, I'm a lot younger than my husband.
• 35:03
  I'm seven years younger, so everyone was like, oh, she's
• 35:06
  such a baby, she's such a child.
• 35:09
  And I was like, what the fuck is wrong with you people?
• 35:11
  If I can have a child, I'm not a child.
• 35:15
  Like I'm mature enough to make the decision to move two
• 35:18
  hours away from my family.
• 35:20
  Um, but it's been interesting because when I was a mother with my first,
• 35:26
  um, I was surrounded by family.
• 35:28
  It was so unique in the city where you had mom and baby groups.
• 35:33
  You had, uh, pregnancy groups, you had this group, you had that group.
• 35:37
  When you move rural, there is nothing.
• 35:40
  You are stuck at a house with a baby trying to figure it out.
• 35:46
  And in Canada, here, It's because my husband is such a large farmer.
• 35:53
  We counted the one day he's, he's taken over 20 farms.
• 35:58
  So all those farm yards that used to be around that people would get
• 36:01
  together, there's not that anymore.
• 36:04
  There's one.
• 36:05
  So it is so different coming into this situation of the transition
• 36:12
  of city life to farm life.
• 36:15
  And I understand the struggles and I understand why people are like, this
• 36:19
  is fucked up, but how do you fix it?
• 36:22
  It's, it's an interesting dynamic.
• 36:25
  And then when we had our twins, um, I was supposed to be in the
• 36:30
  hospital due to the type they are.
• 36:33
  So they share one sack, one placenta.
• 36:35
  So basically the most high twins we could have gotten, we got, and
• 36:41
  it was the realization of driving two hours for an appointment.
• 36:45
  It was like, oh my gosh, this is stupid.
• 36:48
  And then all of a sudden them going, you can't be on the farm anymore.
• 36:51
  You have to be in the city going, why?
• 36:54
  Because it's gonna take us an hour to get you to a hospital.
• 36:58
  And I was like, why?
• 37:00
  Like,
• 37:01
  Arlene: can't you just figure this out quicker?
• 37:03
  Faith: Like, I'm not moving to the city.
• 37:05
  So when I transitioned to having the twins at home, I didn't have a lot of family
• 37:11
  support because they're two hours away.
• 37:13
  I didn't have a lot of the systems in place because it's two hours away.
• 37:17
  And when you try to start something I.
• 37:21
  There might only be one other pregnant person or one other person with
• 37:25
  a little one on mat leave because there's not a lot of us out here.
• 37:30
  So that isolation is just so different out here than in the city.
• 37:37
  Caite: I found too that once my kids started school, you know, like same
• 37:41
  with going into town to go to any sort of baby or child groups, but the
• 37:46
  friends I made lived, you know, 20 miles on the other side of town and with
• 37:51
  little ones in a place that has winter and there's no spontaneous way to do
• 37:59
  anything, you know, you have to plan a month ahead and then just pray that
• 38:02
  nobody gets sick or it doesn't storm, or you know, and God forbid if your kids
• 38:07
  don't like, aren't besties, then you're like forcing them to play together.
• 38:12
  Mm-hmm.
• 38:13
  And it's been such a great transition now that they're in school and I've like.
• 38:18
  Met other parents who live, you know, like in town.
• 38:24
  And we're already in town because we have to get the kids from school, you know?
• 38:28
  And so we can just be like, Hey, you wanna have pizza?
• 38:31
  You know, why don't we come over?
• 38:33
  You can come over to our house and we can let our kids destroy the house
• 38:36
  and we can eat pizza and ignore them.
• 38:38
  You know, which is generally my parenting strategy, you know?
• 38:41
  But it's, it's such, I had not realized how lonely I was to just have friends
• 38:49
  that I could just hang out with instead of having to like plan this whole
• 38:54
  fucking elaborate thing to see another adult human for an hour, you know?
• 38:59
  Right.
• 39:00
  It's just, Oh,
• 39:02
  Arlene: and when and when the kids are little, you're also managing, you
• 39:04
  know, and they're gonna fall asleep.
• 39:06
  And if you're driving half an hour to go to someone's house, like are they gonna
• 39:09
  fall asleep on the way there, or two minutes before you pull in the driveway?
• 39:13
  And then yeah.
• 39:14
  If they spend the whole time screaming, it's not very relaxing or fun for anybody.
• 39:19
  Right.
• 39:20
  And yeah, all that, all that coordination is, uh, challenging.
• 39:23
  And I imagine with twins it's even
• 39:25
  Faith: worse.
• 39:25
  Yeah, it is.
• 39:26
  It's different being like having singles and then going to the twins.
• 39:31
  It was like, so when my daughter, she's a girl, when I found out I was having
• 39:37
  twins, I was like, please be girls.
• 39:38
  Please be girls.
• 39:39
  What the hell am I gonna do with a penis?
• 39:41
  How am I gonna clean it?
• 39:42
  What am I gonna do with it?
• 39:43
  I'm
• 39:44
  Arlene: freaking out.
• 39:45
  I don't want
• 39:45
  Faith: boys.
• 39:46
  And my husband was like, I don't want girls.
• 39:48
  I don't know what to do with girls.
• 39:50
  And ours are identical.
• 39:52
  So we were either two girls or two boys.
• 39:56
  And, uh, the one thing I do appreciate with my husband is he's so supportive
• 40:00
  with the twins because, and I'm just so, such of a, I'm not giving up type.
• 40:07
  I'm gonna make my life hell before I give up.
• 40:10
  So I was carrying two little babies to the hockey rink with two kids behind
• 40:17
  me with their hockey equipment, going to the dressing room to get everyone
• 40:19
  done up because at that time, um, The farm just needed his attention more.
• 40:25
  And I was like, I don't care.
• 40:26
  I'm going out.
• 40:27
  I don't care.
• 40:27
  So I can see where, but also in the same breath, I've held myself back.
• 40:33
  I never went to the swimming pool.
• 40:34
  I was like, how the fuck am I going to swim with two babies?
• 40:38
  This does not sound enjoyable at all.
• 40:41
  Or when it came to chores, we do have chickens.
• 40:45
  I don't really consider them livestock because the amount of
• 40:48
  eggs they produce, we eat in a day.
• 40:51
  So like there's no selling there.
• 40:55
  We've had people, oh, do you sell eggs?
• 40:56
  No, no, we eat our eggs.
• 40:59
  Um, and then we've also had like butchering chickens or our turkeys
• 41:03
  that we butchered, but like trying to get them to come with
• 41:06
  me to the barn to feed and water.
• 41:09
  I was like, oh my gosh, this is painful.
• 41:12
  So he would come up with little systems.
• 41:15
  He would get them their own little special pale and half the eggs
• 41:18
  would break on the way home, but.
• 41:20
  At least they were doing something and he's like, at least you're out.
• 41:23
  And I'm like, yeah.
• 41:25
  Or um, his, his picture on his Facebook is all seven of us in a f combine.
• 41:32
  It's tight.
• 41:34
  It is nice and tight
• 41:35
  Arlene: as tight can
• 41:36
  Faith: be, but we do it.
• 41:39
  And it's interesting that most men are like, you're fucked, Devin.
• 41:45
  Why?
• 41:46
  Why do you have everyone in there?
• 41:47
  How do you get anything done?
• 41:48
  And I'm like, but we did this when we first started dating.
• 41:51
  Can't we continue?
• 41:53
  And it's so beautiful that we still do, but the kids now are getting
• 41:56
  to the age, like the 13 year old.
• 41:58
  He's the size of me.
• 41:59
  He's a big boy.
• 42:01
  So it's like having three adults and four children.
• 42:04
  So now, because we have workers, they usually try and take a couple from us
• 42:11
  Arlene: and the kids are like, yes, I'll go with you.
• 42:14
  I don't care.
• 42:16
  But so beautiful to see how we, I can breathe.
• 42:20
  Caite: Yeah.
• 42:23
  We have a hired guy who's like our four year old's bestie.
• 42:27
  Like our son is so obsessed and it's amazing because he, yeah.
• 42:33
  Like we take him out and it's just a hellscape, you know, he goes
• 42:37
  to solace and like, he's actually helpful when Solis is here.
• 42:42
  Fine.
• 42:42
  Try not to take it personally.
• 42:44
  Right.
• 42:45
  Faith: And that's, that's the key word.
• 42:46
  You try not to take it personal.
• 42:49
  It's hard.
• 42:49
  It's like what the, they were sat with you and they did it scream the whole time.
• 42:54
  They scream with us.
• 42:56
  What?
• 42:58
  Arlene: Yeah.
• 43:00
  So you've talked about being a blended family.
• 43:02
  How has that transition gone for the, on the kid level and you know, like how, you
• 43:09
  know, like two from different families who are now in the same family and the same
• 43:14
  age, and then the transition to having new baby siblings, all that kind of stuff.
• 43:18
  So how has the, how has the kid dynamic gone in your
• 43:21
  Faith: house?
• 43:22
  It's been interesting.
• 43:23
  I come from a blended family, so my mom and dad split before I was even born.
• 43:29
  So I've always kind of had that stepparent in my life.
• 43:32
  Um, and then with my grandparents, they also, so my mother was adopted,
• 43:38
  which this is a crazy story.
• 43:39
  So she's adopted, she has adopted parents and biological parents.
• 43:44
  Well, the adopted parents decided to split.
• 43:47
  So I have three sets of grandparents on one side, but
• 43:51
  they all blend so beautifully.
• 43:54
  Like they're always at every birthday, they're always at every function.
• 43:58
  I would be like grandma and all three of my grandmas would look
• 44:00
  at me and I'm like, uh, grandma one, grandma two, grandma three.
• 44:07
  So that's how I pictured it coming into this situation.
• 44:11
  And it's a very high conflict situation.
• 44:14
  So I have really taken the, the opportunity to allow
• 44:18
  the boys to come to me.
• 44:20
  It wasn't, I'm your mom, you need to love me.
• 44:23
  It was, I'm just a friend and I've been where you are with high conflict parents.
• 44:28
  I've been where you are, where it's shitty, let's just hang out.
• 44:32
  And that bond that grew was just so beautiful.
• 44:35
  And with my daughter, um, Devin met her when she was two.
• 44:40
  She has no recollection of her sperm donor, so she just assumed.
• 44:46
  We were religious, so we said, oh, God gave you a mommy and
• 44:50
  just waited to give you a daddy.
• 44:52
  Well, that kind of came to a head in grade, well, last year, so they
• 44:56
  were eight and the word adoption came out and it was just like, ooh.
• 45:03
  And it was, they were using it in a negative word term.
• 45:07
  So she was like, well, is adoption bad?
• 45:09
  And I was, we're like, Nope, it's not bad at all, but let's try and unpack this.
• 45:13
  So she refuses to say adoption.
• 45:17
  Um, that's her dad.
• 45:18
  This is her family.
• 45:20
  Now, the boys, because of the toxic disease of the parents,
• 45:24
  they have had resilience to her.
• 45:27
  They don't know how to treat her.
• 45:29
  And the teachers have really said when they're with dad, that sister,
• 45:35
  when they're with mom, it's not.
• 45:37
  So the kids have even learned how to, to pivot.
• 45:41
  So seamlessly that it just looks normal now.
• 45:45
  And when parents look at a blended family and say, oh, you know, I want it to be
• 45:49
  better, or, oh, the kids are suffering.
• 45:52
  Oh, this, they're very adaptive.
• 45:56
  And our family has been so adaptive to so many different things
• 46:00
  where I've gone, I hate this.
• 46:03
  I don't like how we're toxic or I don't like how this is happening,
• 46:06
  but I can't change anyone.
• 46:08
  And it's hard when you're in a blended family to be like,
• 46:11
  I'm gonna change everything.
• 46:13
  Um, so that's been interesting.
• 46:16
  And then when it came to our twins, I was put on bed rest super early, and my kids
• 46:22
  were just like, mom, you do it all like.
• 46:26
  Come on, come, let's go play outside.
• 46:27
  And I'm like, I can't.
• 46:29
  I'll sit and watch you.
• 46:31
  And then the twins were in the nicu.
• 46:33
  So I was gone for six weeks where it was just dad.
• 46:38
  And again, the kids really struggled because I was always the boy support.
• 46:44
  I was always that constant parent.
• 46:46
  I was always there.
• 46:47
  And then having that taken away, they were through a loop again.
• 46:51
  So now the twins are four, and we're finally getting back
• 46:55
  to that same less parenting.
• 46:56
  But I think in any blended family, you're gonna have highs
• 47:00
  and you're gonna have lows.
• 47:01
  And it's okay.
• 47:03
  And I think people don't say that enough that it's okay.
• 47:10
  It's either one or the other.
• 47:11
  I think it's gonna be good or it's gonna be bad.
• 47:13
  You can't have
• 47:14
  Caite: both.
• 47:16
  I think so much of blended families is parents getting over their fear that
• 47:21
  somebody else is gonna take their place.
• 47:24
  Um, you know, as a, as a child of a single parent family, I, I'm a
• 47:29
  huge believer in the more people who love your kids the better.
• 47:34
  And I, I'm sure I would feel differently if there was another woman coming
• 47:38
  in to raise my kids, but, oh yeah.
• 47:42
  I think ideally the more people who love and support your family, the better.
• 47:47
  And whether that person is biological family or, you know, even maybe especially
• 47:54
  folks who aren't part of that family dynamic, you know that the more adults who
• 48:02
  are looking out for your kids, the better.
• 48:04
  That's, you know, there are never gonna be too many people
• 48:07
  loving your kid, and that's.
• 48:11
  Yeah, that's what that is.
• 48:13
  And you know anyone who's threatened by that needs to go to therapy
• 48:17
  and work out their own shit.
• 48:19
  That's about you and not about those kids.
• 48:23
  Yes.
• 48:24
  Faith: And I used to take it so personal with my boys.
• 48:26
  Well, they won't call me mom, but they call her stepdad dad.
• 48:31
  Well, I learned it was because it was forced.
• 48:35
  Now the boys, which I'll get teary-eyed, I'm a big believer
• 48:41
  in counseling and therapy.
• 48:43
  I forced his ex-wife and me and my husband and her husband to sit in a
• 48:47
  room together for a whole year and a half of painstaking counseling.
• 48:52
  That got us nowhere.
• 48:53
  But everyone was like, why are we doing this?
• 48:55
  And I was like, because it'll make us better.
• 48:57
  It did not.
• 48:59
  But we tried.
• 49:00
  But my sons referred to me in counseling as mom.
• 49:04
  They won't say it to my face.
• 49:05
  Heaven forbid it leaves that room.
• 49:08
  But they see it and.
• 49:11
  I, I understand why you would feel threatened, why somebody else is now,
• 49:16
  because my husband says it all the time.
• 49:18
  It pisses me off that they call their stepdad dad, like it should be stepdad.
• 49:23
  And I said, how hard is it to say stepdad?
• 49:27
  He's like, well, what do you mean?
• 49:28
  I was like, it's two syllables.
• 49:29
  Stepdad, dad.
• 49:33
  I'm yelling.
• 49:33
  I'm saying one.
• 49:35
  He's like, oh, I get it right.
• 49:40
  Caite: I think too, even if the therapy doesn't immediately feel like it helps
• 49:45
  your kids see that you are trying and that helps, that is worth it.
• 49:51
  Whether it fixes anything or not, because they're seeing how
• 49:57
  we treat each other and how to.
• 50:00
  Deal with people they might not like and how to do what's best for the
• 50:04
  family, even if they don't want to.
• 50:06
  And even if that person is a pain in their ass.
• 50:09
  And you know, the, there is a level of respect we give people, even if they
• 50:15
  don't deserve it, because they are humans.
• 50:18
  And especially if we share children that we act like fucking grownups.
• 50:23
  Yeah.
• 50:24
  Cause I will admit that people who use their children as leverage
• 50:35
  think we should probably set 'em on fire.
• 50:37
  I don't, I don't feel like that's too strong.
• 50:39
  Uh, you know, I'm just gonna go ahead and say it.
• 50:43
  Yeah.
• 50:44
  I, you know, whatever your fucking problems are with each other, fine.
• 50:48
  Like, go to town on hating each other.
• 50:50
  I don't care.
• 50:51
  Leave your kids out of it.
• 50:54
  Yeah.
• 50:54
  That's, and
• 50:56
  Faith: I think you have two.
• 50:59
  Social media parents, I always find you have the social media parents that
• 51:03
  are perfect co-parents, and we sit together at hockey games and we do
• 51:06
  this and we, we do everything together.
• 51:08
  And then you have the other ones that are like, this is horrific.
• 51:11
  And my kids are traumatized.
• 51:13
  It's okay to be in the middle.
• 51:15
  I can say hi to my husband's ex-wife.
• 51:19
  I can say, hi, how are you?
• 51:21
  And continue on my way.
• 51:22
  Do we sit and talk?
• 51:23
  No.
• 51:24
  Do my twins go up to her?
• 51:26
  Yep.
• 51:27
  My daughter went up to her because she's in their life whether I like it or not.
• 51:33
  And the only issue I ever had was where she blurred the lines
• 51:40
  a little of my boundaries.
• 51:42
  But that's gonna happen because we're two different people.
• 51:47
  And the children saw that I held firm on my boundaries and now they
• 51:51
  set boundaries, which I appreciate.
• 51:53
  Sometimes I'm like, the fuck kind of boundaries is that?
• 51:57
  And then I have to out and go, oh, wait, I set boundary with you.
• 52:00
  Okay, hi.
• 52:00
  You can have your stupid
• 52:01
  Caite: boundary.
• 52:02
  But like, it's, it's really fucking hard when your kids start setting boundaries
• 52:06
  with you because I'm like, let's teach our kids about consent and bo autonomy.
• 52:11
  And I'm like, I didn't fucking mean me.
• 52:15
  If I wanna hug you and you don't wanna hug, I still get to hug you.
• 52:18
  And they're like, no, fuck you.
• 52:21
  Like I made you, now I have to go respect your boundaries because I'm
• 52:27
  the one who told you to have 'em.
• 52:28
  And now, you know, it doesn't really set a good boundary to be like, well
• 52:31
  have boundaries except if the other person really wants you to do whatever.
• 52:34
  And then, right.
• 52:35
  And then you should just let them do whatever.
• 52:38
  That's kind of the point.
• 52:41
  Faith: And like, my bonus voice, I'm very affectionate and I'm
• 52:44
  very affectionate to my daughters.
• 52:46
  And they were like, why aren't you affectionate to me?
• 52:50
  And I was like, oh, I, I can definitely hug and kiss you.
• 52:54
  Well, no, I don't want you to.
• 52:55
  I just am asking, and I looked at my daughter's like, do you like how
• 52:58
  I hug and kiss you and smother you?
• 52:59
  She's like, not really.
• 53:01
  I was like, oh, why did we open this worm?
• 53:04
  Arlene: Shut up.
• 53:05
  You're doing
• 53:11
  Faith: everybody.
• 53:13
  Arlene: Don't men.
• 53:14
  Okay.
• 53:15
  Just don't mention it.
• 53:17
  Faith: So I think when it comes to blended families, just acknowledging
• 53:20
  there's highs and lows and it's okay to be in the middle.
• 53:22
  And when it comes to farming, being the second wife is hard,
• 53:31
  and it's okay to say it's hard.
• 53:35
  And navigating that has been very interesting, and I'm excited
• 53:40
  to see where my life takes me.
• 53:42
  But I'm also very much of a, you wanna die on that hill, you
• 53:46
  die on it because guess what?
• 53:48
  In 40 years, you're gonna be dead anyways.
• 53:50
  So the I'll have to cook a meal.
• 53:53
  Sorry.
• 53:56
  Arlene: That's how I
• 53:56
  Caite: always look at it.
• 53:58
  I'm sure too.
• 53:59
  I, uh, I clearly did not read this question in a way that Arlene meant
• 54:04
  it to be read, because it says, you know, how do you and your partner
• 54:07
  manage the adult relationships?
• 54:08
  And I was like, well, I mean, they have twins, Arlene, so I'm
• 54:11
  guessing they manage 'em just fine.
• 54:14
  Get a little, it's not what I meant, Katie.
• 54:16
  It's a little personal here.
• 54:18
  Um, but I'm sure too, it's gotta be a real challenge to, to marry.
• 54:25
  I mean, because the fucked up part about marrying into a farm when
• 54:30
  you're coming from outside is that you marry into a whole community.
• 54:35
  And when you're the second wife of somebody who married their high school
• 54:40
  sweetheart, and presumably you all still live in this little tiny place.
• 54:45
  Yep.
• 54:46
  How fucked up is that?
• 54:50
  Arlene: Cause you hear her voice.
• 54:55
  Faith: Um, yeah.
• 54:58
  Arlene: And that you're marrying into a business, which I'm sure we don't have
• 55:01
  to remind you either, but, you know, the, the whole farm aspect, I'm sure
• 55:05
  is a whole different dynamic that, you know, adds levels of, of complication
• 55:10
  Faith: to it as well.
• 55:11
  And I thought of farmers as like, this is gonna sound so city, but
• 55:15
  we all know that I'm, I'm that city girl, like on the tv, right?
• 55:19
  Like, you're a little farm, you're chugging away in your tractor.
• 55:24
  And now I'm like, oh yeah, you chug away on your tractor, but you also
• 55:27
  have a multibillion dollar piece of equipment and like all of these things
• 55:33
  and holy, you're not just a farm, eh?
• 55:36
  And he's like, oh yeah, I'm still a farmer.
• 55:37
  I'm like, you have employees honey, you're incorporated.
• 55:42
  You are a farm, but you're, you're a fa you're a big farm.
• 55:46
  And he's like, ah.
• 55:46
  You know, so when I came into the picture, um, I was met with
• 55:52
  a prenup and I was like, the fuck kind of bitch you think I am?
• 55:59
  And we were not gonna get engaged until that prenup was signed.
• 56:04
  And he, so we were together for five years before we got married.
• 56:08
  And it wasn't because of the prenup, it was because he was
• 56:11
  terrified about what would happen.
• 56:13
  Cuz he knew his parents had said, if you're gonna get engaged
• 56:15
  again, you need to have a prenup.
• 56:17
  And he was like, Faith's gonna kill me.
• 56:19
  She'd not gonna be happy with this, but like, I don't even
• 56:22
  wanna approach this subject.
• 56:24
  And I looked at him, I said, yeah, I'll sign it.
• 56:27
  And he went, what?
• 56:29
  He's like, are you fucking with me?
• 56:31
  You're fucking with me, right?
• 56:32
  Like, this is too easy.
• 56:35
  And I was like, yeah, I don't care.
• 56:38
  If we leave, I just ask that I get the clothes on my back
• 56:41
  and a vehicle to drive please.
• 56:44
  And that's it.
• 56:46
  And he was like, okay.
• 56:48
  And when it came to farming and blending a family, I asked my
• 56:54
  husband this question the other day.
• 56:55
  And you know what, it's funny you say that cuz he was like, are they mean sexually?
• 56:59
  Like do they wanna know how we keep it alive during
• 57:02
  Caite: harvest?
• 57:02
  I'm glad that wasn't just me cuz I was like, Arlene Christ.
• 57:06
  Like I, I know we get personal on this show, but I feel like that
• 57:10
  might be too far even for us.
• 57:13
  Even for me, Arlene is much more radio than I'm, I was
• 57:17
  Arlene: definitely talk.
• 57:19
  About the grownups who are like the parents of all the children.
• 57:24
  I'm glad it wasn't just not the interpersonal relation,
• 57:27
  marriage relationships,
• 57:30
  Faith: the miracles.
• 57:31
  He definitely, he told me to lie because we don't do this.
• 57:34
  He's like, well tell everyone that, um, you know, those vibrators that you can
• 57:39
  control from your phone so that when you're in the tractor, you guys can
• 57:41
  still, I was like, honey, I don't think that's the question they're asking.
• 57:46
  I think they're asking of like, how do we deal with our emotional problems?
• 57:49
  He's like, no, that's exactly where this question is going.
• 57:52
  You gotta tell everyone, this is how great our sex life is, so everyone just follows.
• 57:57
  And I was like,
• 57:58
  Caite: like it's real wild, but in a normal, that's a whole other subscription
• 58:01
  Arlene: box.
• 58:01
  I was like, wow, honey.
• 58:03
  Faith: Like, damn, I, I don't think that's where we're going, so I'm
• 58:07
  gonna have to tell about that.
• 58:08
  Is that in the Valentine's Day
• 58:09
  Arlene: subscription box?
• 58:11
  Faith: Right.
• 58:13
  Caite: It's a stress relief box right there, Arlene.
• 58:16
  Right.
• 58:19
  Faith: Um, and ironically enough, our twins were conceived in me.
• 58:26
  So like everyone swears up and down in a tractor and I'm like, no, actually
• 58:31
  it probably was a rain day you guys.
• 58:33
  And they're like, what do you mean?
• 58:35
  I'm like, there are rain days.
• 58:38
  And I'm, I, I'm not that person in a tractor yet.
• 58:41
  He's, he's, I don't know if this is a farmer thing, but he's like, we, we need
• 58:45
  to, in a, before I die, it has to happen.
• 58:48
  I'm like, why?
• 58:50
  Like why?
• 58:53
  Caite: Well, I mean, if there's room for seven of you in that
• 58:55
  combine, there's room for that.
• 58:56
  I mean, I'm just, I'm gonna go ahead and say it.
• 58:59
  It's clearly spacious.
• 59:01
  Faith: And he said, well, why do you think there's autopilot now?
• 59:05
  And I was like, really?
• 59:05
  That's why, like, and he's like, oh, honey.
• 59:09
  And I was like, oh, I thought all you farmers were like, this is why we create
• 59:12
  Arlene: autopilot in our combines and
• 59:14
  Caite: doctors.
• 59:16
  This is why you gotta move just on that.
• 59:18
  You gotta move to places where you have, uh, rows that are, you know, a
• 59:22
  couple miles long so you can really, yeah, you got short rows, you got.
• 59:28
  Oh my God, this is even for us.
• 59:31
  This is,
• 59:35
  Arlene: but all right, so we're gonna go back to the twin talk.
• 59:37
  Moving.
• 59:38
  Yeah.
• 59:38
  Cause
• 59:39
  Faith: when comes adults, I don't think we deal with it a very well.
• 59:43
  We deal with it with humor.
• 59:44
  We deal with it knowing that this is the person that I'm gonna spend the rest of
• 59:48
  my life with, whether I like him today or I don't like him tomorrow, this is it.
• 59:54
  And for us, knowing that this is it, we just have to work on our shit.
• 1:00:02
  There's lots of times where he's like, I'm just gonna sweep it under the rug.
• 1:00:05
  And I'm like, sure, but just remember six months from now I'm pulling
• 1:00:08
  that fucker up and we're gonna look.
• 1:00:10
  And he's like, no.
• 1:00:13
  Or being your husband's, um, shield, like I am so an overbearing woman to him.
• 1:00:22
  And when it comes to, we're in the process of farm succession planning
• 1:00:27
  and with his ex-wife in court, I was always like, I gotta be your shield.
• 1:00:32
  I'm gonna defend you.
• 1:00:33
  I'm gonna be overpowering.
• 1:00:34
  And then he's like, are you listening to what I'm saying?
• 1:00:37
  I'm like, oh yeah, you have a voice.
• 1:00:40
  Oh yeah, I forgot about your, oh,
• 1:00:42
  Arlene: did you ask for me to do that?
• 1:00:46
  Caite: Like, oh, are you still here?
• 1:00:48
  Faith: Right.
• 1:00:49
  Oh no, I'm just defending you whether you like it or not.
• 1:00:54
  Caite: Right.
• 1:00:57
  Faith: So that would be my advice.
• 1:00:58
  When it comes to parenting, it's just knowing that you're
• 1:01:00
  gonna be there forever.
• 1:01:02
  And even if you're not, things happen and that's okay.
• 1:01:05
  But don't think about the end.
• 1:01:07
  Think about the middle.
• 1:01:10
  Caite: So Faith, I'm gonna add a question in here because I've, I feel
• 1:01:14
  like we know each other well enough now.
• 1:01:16
  Yeah, go ahead.
• 1:01:17
  And something that I've really struggled with is that if you're a
• 1:01:23
  person who prefers to look on the lighter side of things and to have fun,
• 1:01:29
  um, people don't take you seriously.
• 1:01:33
  Oh yeah.
• 1:01:34
  And I think especially in rural living, if you joke about things, if you dye your
• 1:01:41
  hair, funny colors, if you're wearing sea foam, green glasses, not that we're
• 1:01:47
  talking about anyone in particular, um, you know, if you are silly mm-hmm.
• 1:01:55
  People, there's such an assumption that you don't.
• 1:02:01
  Understand serious topics that you are not capable of being serious, that you
• 1:02:06
  can't possibly understand money or hard things or business or being an adult
• 1:02:15
  because you cannot wear I ironic t-shirts and be an adult at the same time.
• 1:02:20
  It's not possible.
• 1:02:23
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:02:23
  Um, I'm wondering what your experience has been like with this, because I know
• 1:02:29
  for myself, kind of the more I've embraced it, the easier it's been to just be like,
• 1:02:33
  people wanna under underestimate me.
• 1:02:35
  Fine.
• 1:02:36
  But it is such a fine line of like when to throw down with the fact that
• 1:02:41
  I am a fucking grownup, but also like I deal with a lot of hard shit and
• 1:02:49
  I prefer to deal with it by making fun of it, because otherwise it would
• 1:02:53
  just be really goddamn depressing.
• 1:02:56
  Um, So I'm wondering, I get the sense that you are perhaps same Zs
• 1:03:02
  office as in so many other ways.
• 1:03:05
  Arlene: Um,
• 1:03:06
  Faith: I think we're just like two of the same people just
• 1:03:08
  living not in the same town.
• 1:03:13
  Caite: Yeah.
• 1:03:14
  Um, it's probably just as well that we live so far apart because I have
• 1:03:17
  feeling that if we lived in the same town, it would probably implode.
• 1:03:21
  Like we would need bail money so fast.
• 1:03:27
  Faith: Um, yeah.
• 1:03:28
  So like for myself being a business owner now, um, I've
• 1:03:32
  had to change my own identity.
• 1:03:34
  Um, I was always a mom of five, always a mom of five.
• 1:03:38
  Well, you're a stay-at-home mom, you're a farmer's wife.
• 1:03:40
  And now I go, I own my own company.
• 1:03:44
  Oh.
• 1:03:45
  Is it like one of those MLMs?
• 1:03:46
  No, I own my own company.
• 1:03:48
  I come up with my own shit and I recently actually pitched my
• 1:03:53
  company to a panel of people.
• 1:03:56
  Got two mentors out of it, uh, more than two, like a handful.
• 1:04:02
  And, um, they looked at me and said, and I was like, you take me serious.
• 1:04:09
  And they were like, is this part of your pitch?
• 1:04:12
  Are you like, I was like, yeah, cuz I'm always the mom that can change the diaper.
• 1:04:19
  The mom that can tell you about feeding the mom that can this.
• 1:04:22
  And they're like, I see you as a business woman.
• 1:04:25
  So even in my own dynamic of family, a lot of my family still
• 1:04:30
  don't take my business serious.
• 1:04:33
  And I've just learned to say, you know what, watch what'll happen.
• 1:04:37
  My business has now been able to grow to the size that my twins are in daycare.
• 1:04:42
  That was never the plan.
• 1:04:44
  I, they were gonna be home with me until they were in grade one.
• 1:04:48
  Now I'm like, no, I can do this.
• 1:04:51
  Or when it comes to sexuality, I'm quite open and out in the rural community,
• 1:04:56
  they're like, we don't talk about that.
• 1:05:00
  And I'm like, why?
• 1:05:02
  Well, like why are we shy about it?
• 1:05:04
  It's a like, that's how kids are made.
• 1:05:07
  That's how people stay connected.
• 1:05:10
  And I am so grateful for my husband because there are so many times
• 1:05:15
  where he is blushing red or he is going, you know what, honey?
• 1:05:19
  Be you, I'm happy of you.
• 1:05:22
  I've got to talk to land owners of his land, renters.
• 1:05:26
  So he rents land from a lot of people that, some people, some women aren't
• 1:05:31
  even able to talk to them and they're like, faith, how do you talk to them?
• 1:05:36
  I'm like, I dunno.
• 1:05:37
  Cause it, the respect is given and taken and they're normal people and people
• 1:05:45
  are always like, I just don't get it.
• 1:05:48
  And it's, I struggled.
• 1:05:49
  There's many days where I'm like, maybe I should just be the farmer's wife.
• 1:05:53
  There would be less rumors, there'd be less talk, there would be less.
• 1:05:57
  And my husband looks and says, I don't think I'd be happy.
• 1:06:00
  And my kids, they always tell me, you know, mom, I can always tell when
• 1:06:04
  you're in the room, when you're in the school because you're snort of a laugh.
• 1:06:09
  You're loud and they enjoy it.
• 1:06:13
  So on the hard days, I let them be hard and I sit in the shower and I cry.
• 1:06:21
  But when I'm done, I put on my C foam glasses and I go, this is who I am.
• 1:06:27
  You're gonna take it or you're gonna leave it.
• 1:06:29
  And I wish I would've learned this lesson in high school.
• 1:06:35
  Why did I have to wait till I got closer to my thirties?
• 1:06:38
  Like that's bullshit.
• 1:06:42
  Caite: I.
• 1:06:43
  That imposter syndrome and that having enough self-confidence to just tell
• 1:06:48
  people to fuck around and find out.
• 1:06:50
  I, you know, I'm on, I do a lot of community activity stuff and
• 1:06:56
  I am on our local daycare board and we had an older male member
• 1:07:02
  mansplaining the concept of salary to all of us, you know, little ladies.
• 1:07:10
  And I finally sent an email that started with respectfully and went downhill pretty
• 1:07:15
  sharply for, because I am 41 years old.
• 1:07:21
  I'm a grown ass adult.
• 1:07:23
  I work for Microsoft.
• 1:07:24
  I understand the concept of salary.
• 1:07:27
  Thank you.
• 1:07:29
  And you know, if you assume that I'm flighty and stupid because my
• 1:07:34
  hair is a funny color that's on you.
• 1:07:38
  Yeah.
• 1:07:38
  That has nothing to do with me.
• 1:07:41
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:07:42
  And that's.
• 1:07:44
  Being able to model that for my kids and for other adults because
• 1:07:48
  it gives other people permission to talk about hard things and to be
• 1:07:52
  who they are when somebody else has already just gone ahead and done it.
• 1:07:57
  Because I know, like we dealt with fertility problems and so many people
• 1:08:01
  are like, we had these problems too, but we just, we didn't talk about them.
• 1:08:05
  And I'm like, I did not cause these problems.
• 1:08:08
  This is not anything that I need to be ashamed of.
• 1:08:12
  I did not do anything wrong.
• 1:08:14
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:08:15
  You know, like I finally told the doctor one time, I was like, it's not like I
• 1:08:20
  was like doing coke off the back of a toilet in Vegas and it made me infertile,
• 1:08:25
  like, my body just doesn't work.
• 1:08:29
  Right.
• 1:08:29
  Like, what the fuck am I supposed to be ashamed about?
• 1:08:32
  And then, you know, like I ended up with gestational diabetes and
• 1:08:36
  I had people saying, well, you're so brave for admitting to it.
• 1:08:39
  And I'm like, To the fact that my body's too efficient.
• 1:08:44
  Like
• 1:08:47
  what the fuck I've done?
• 1:08:48
  Shit, I should actually be ashamed of, I am only, I only have enough shame
• 1:08:53
  for the things I've actually done.
• 1:08:55
  Like, I'm not gonna bother being ashamed of all this shit.
• 1:08:57
  That's, yeah.
• 1:08:58
  Let, let's not
• 1:08:59
  Arlene: start adding shame to our bodies when they're just doing their thing.
• 1:09:03
  Right.
• 1:09:04
  And there's, there's a test that we all take to see if we have that right.
• 1:09:08
  Like, so that means it's pretty, pretty common.
• 1:09:12
  If, if they're testing every pregnant person, I would be Catholic, like to find
• 1:09:16
  out if they have gestational diabetes.
• 1:09:17
  That means lots of us have it.
• 1:09:19
  Caite: Yeah.
• 1:09:19
  You know, we have generations of shame.
• 1:09:22
  I don't need to be ashamed of shit.
• 1:09:23
  I didn't actually do.
• 1:09:28
  Yeah.
• 1:09:28
  Let,
• 1:09:28
  Arlene: let's make, let's not take on more anyway.
• 1:09:32
  Yes.
• 1:09:32
  Add this to
• 1:09:32
  Caite: the shame
• 1:09:33
  Faith: pile and I also.
• 1:09:37
  Arlene: Shame.
• 1:09:37
  Imagine it's like the laundry mountain.
• 1:09:40
  Yes.
• 1:09:40
  But, and
• 1:09:42
  Caite: faith idea.
• 1:09:43
  You should make a like shame box.
• 1:09:46
  That should include a shame Bingo card.
• 1:09:49
  That would just be like, shit, you should probably be ashamed of.
• 1:09:52
  Yes.
• 1:09:52
  And just give us new ideas for new shit to be worried about or
• 1:09:58
  Arlene: cross out all the things that you don't need to be ashamed of.
• 1:10:01
  Then we'll just, yeah.
• 1:10:02
  Full
• 1:10:02
  Faith: board.
• 1:10:03
  Um, I also found owning that I'm a business owner.
• 1:10:05
  Yeah.
• 1:10:06
  Women don't like to lead with that.
• 1:10:09
  I'm a mom, I'm wife and a business owner.
• 1:10:13
  Well, it would've been six months ago.
• 1:10:17
  I'm a business owner and my business allows me to have
• 1:10:21
  my children home with me.
• 1:10:22
  Halftime.
• 1:10:23
  And people are like, what do you mean?
• 1:10:24
  It allows you, because I, I have a job that I've created and it's stab stability
• 1:10:30
  enough that I get to do what I want.
• 1:10:34
  And then it's, oh, it must be an aan.
• 1:10:36
  No, it's not.
• 1:10:37
  I came up with the ideas.
• 1:10:39
  I do all my own things.
• 1:10:41
  It is me a hundred percent.
• 1:10:42
  And I love when a sales guy comes out to pitch some idea to the farm
• 1:10:47
  and he goes, oh, you wife is here.
• 1:10:50
  How's cooking and cleaning?
• 1:10:52
  And I'm like, great.
• 1:10:53
  I create a whole business around it.
• 1:10:54
  Would you like to hear?
• 1:10:56
  And then they just kind of choke on their words.
• 1:11:00
  Caite: I feel like the one upside of the pandemic for me is that because
• 1:11:05
  it's unusual to work remotely out here, that it's become enough, more
• 1:11:11
  common that people don't assume that I work for some total scam anymore.
• 1:11:16
  Cause I still get people who are like, so you do sales calls?
• 1:11:22
  Like, no.
• 1:11:25
  Like, no.
• 1:11:28
  It's a, it's a real, it's a real thing, but.
• 1:11:30
  Yeah, it's
• 1:11:31
  Arlene: a, it's an actual joke.
• 1:11:33
  I'm not selling Microsoft
• 1:11:34
  Caite: computers.
• 1:11:35
  Yeah, no, I, I'm not customer service.
• 1:11:39
  Right.
• 1:11:40
  I mean, God bless the fact that there are people who can do customer
• 1:11:43
  service and not like end anyone.
• 1:11:47
  But I am very incredibly lucky to not be in a customer facing role.
• 1:11:53
  Let's put it that way.
• 1:11:54
  Uhuh, it would be
• 1:11:56
  Arlene: much harder to record a podcast for one thing.
• 1:11:58
  Oh God, yes.
• 1:12:02
  So we are gonna loop back to some, a couple more parenting questions before
• 1:12:06
  we get into our cussing and discussing.
• 1:12:07
  Not that we haven't done enough cussing and discussing already.
• 1:12:10
  Um, but what is your favorite thing about raising kids on the farm?
• 1:12:17
  Faith: Having their freedom?
• 1:12:19
  I don't have to worry.
• 1:12:23
  I just kind of giggled in my head.
• 1:12:24
  Sorry.
• 1:12:25
  I don't have to worry about someone coming and picking up my kids.
• 1:12:28
  I don't have to worry about.
• 1:12:30
  Strangers.
• 1:12:32
  Yes, they learn stranger danger, but I can let them go and play in
• 1:12:35
  my yard and I can do the dishes.
• 1:12:38
  And I enjoy that so much.
• 1:12:40
  And the reason I giggled in my head was because one of our farm renters had come
• 1:12:45
  to the house and my daughter was four and jumped in her his truck and they just
• 1:12:50
  Arlene: took off.
• 1:12:52
  Faith: And he called me, he's like, oh my God, I'm alone with your daughter.
• 1:12:55
  I apologize.
• 1:12:56
  And I was like, I trust you.
• 1:12:59
  But I was like, she just got in with you?
• 1:13:01
  And he's like, yeah, she was.
• 1:13:03
  I told her I was going over to the burn pill pile and she just was like, can I go?
• 1:13:09
  But just that freedom that they can just run and be silly and stupid and
• 1:13:13
  I don't have to manage micromanage them, is just a beautiful feeling.
• 1:13:18
  Arlene: Mm-hmm.
• 1:13:20
  What's your biggest parenting challenge when it comes to farm life?
• 1:13:23
  Specifically around having kids on the farm?
• 1:13:27
  Because I mean, we all know there's lots of benefits, but I mean, we, we know
• 1:13:30
  too that it's, it's a hard life too.
• 1:13:33
  Faith: Support, um, that support is crazy and not having as close-knit
• 1:13:41
  support systems, um, is, is challenging.
• 1:13:46
  Like now that we have three kids and ho three different hockey teams to
• 1:13:49
  run after, there's one that always kind of gets left to the sideline
• 1:13:52
  because we're only two of us.
• 1:13:55
  And, um, knowing that you wanna do it all and when you have five kiddos, there's one
• 1:14:03
  of you and sometimes the farm comes first.
• 1:14:08
  That was, that was definitely like a smack in the face.
• 1:14:11
  I was like, pardon me?
• 1:14:13
  You mean that your child is puking sick and you still have to go and seed?
• 1:14:17
  No, you can take the fucking time off cuz your child is puking sick.
• 1:14:21
  And it wasn't that case.
• 1:14:22
  It was, no, I need to do this right now.
• 1:14:25
  I can't come.
• 1:14:28
  Um, so those farming aspects, I, they were just kinda like, oh, well I never
• 1:14:34
  thought of those, I never thought those would even like, cross my path.
• 1:14:38
  And they have,
• 1:14:43
  Arlene: yeah.
• 1:14:43
  That, that farm coming.
• 1:14:44
  First thing is, it's a hard one, especially when you've got little kids and
• 1:14:49
  you feel, you know, already overwhelmed.
• 1:14:53
  And then the person who's supposed to be your partner is
• 1:14:55
  like, well, good luck with that.
• 1:14:58
  I've gotta go,
• 1:14:59
  Faith: I've gotta go.
• 1:15:00
  And my grandmother, uh, with, so my adopted grandparents when they
• 1:15:06
  were together, they were on a farm.
• 1:15:08
  So I'm gracious that I can call her and be like, oh, I fucking hate this.
• 1:15:12
  And she's like, just remember I live with an alcoholic farmer,
• 1:15:18
  so you have a sober one.
• 1:15:20
  Be happy.
• 1:15:22
  And I'm like, the fuck grandma, let me bitch.
• 1:15:24
  And she's like, I'll, but you need to keep
• 1:15:26
  Arlene: perspective
• 1:15:31
  Caite: I will say faith that we're more than 60 episodes in, and I
• 1:15:37
  don't think we've had a single person not say that the farm coming
• 1:15:43
  first wasn't a hard thing for them.
• 1:15:45
  Even all the folks who've had on, who grew up on farms, that this is
• 1:15:49
  what they've done their whole life.
• 1:15:50
  Every single one of them has said that this farm coming
• 1:15:55
  first is a fucking challenge.
• 1:15:58
  Which has been helpful to me because yeah, that's like the great unspoken
• 1:16:05
  guilt yet is, you know, How can you, how can you be angry about this?
• 1:16:11
  Right.
• 1:16:12
  And I think so much of it too is that people are like, well, the farm
• 1:16:15
  provides, like, I don't know what kinda money you people are making
• 1:16:18
  from the farm, but No, it doesn't.
• 1:16:22
  I know the Canadian farm economy's a little better than the American farm
• 1:16:25
  economy maybe, but there's a reason we both work full-time off farm and it's
• 1:16:32
  not because the farm pays so well.
• 1:16:35
  Yeah.
• 1:16:35
  You know, it's not that we just have nothing better to do.
• 1:16:38
  Um.
• 1:16:38
  Right.
• 1:16:40
  Faith: And anyway, I think, and I, I also like the guilt, my husband,
• 1:16:46
  because I am such a mental health person, I dig deep with him when
• 1:16:50
  he's like, okay, I'm done digging.
• 1:16:52
  Fuck up, fuck up.
• 1:16:54
  But knowing that he has shame, that he wants to be a farmer,
• 1:17:01
  this is what he was raised for.
• 1:17:02
  He's the first born son.
• 1:17:04
  This was bred into him.
• 1:17:06
  He feels shame when he has to say the farm comes first.
• 1:17:12
  I'm sorry.
• 1:17:13
  Like when the twins were first born, there was many times where
• 1:17:16
  he said the farm comes first.
• 1:17:19
  And I was devastated.
• 1:17:22
  I was like, I just need you now.
• 1:17:24
  And he's like, do you need me or do you want me?
• 1:17:28
  And I was like, I hate that fucking question.
• 1:17:30
  He knows now, like four years in, he doesn't even ask me it.
• 1:17:34
  I'll be like, I, he'll stop.
• 1:17:37
  And he'll be like, so do you.
• 1:17:38
  And I'm like, I'll fucking throat punch you.
• 1:17:40
  Don't say it, don't say it.
• 1:17:42
  Because there's lots of times where we want our farmer
• 1:17:45
  home but we don't need him.
• 1:17:48
  And just knowing that if it were to come and this is just with mine, if it were to
• 1:17:54
  come to life or death, he would be there.
• 1:17:57
  It would not be a question.
• 1:17:59
  But if I can mentally struggle through it on his off days,
• 1:18:03
  he will pick up the slack.
• 1:18:05
  And I'm gracious for that.
• 1:18:07
  But knowing the farm comes first was very difficult.
• 1:18:11
  Very difficult.
• 1:18:12
  And I don't think there's a way to get over it.
• 1:18:15
  Like I don't think there's like some magic maybe.
• 1:18:18
  Maybe we can create that.
• 1:18:19
  You guys a magic pill that just makes you okay with it.
• 1:18:28
  Caite: I'd love to know what it is.
• 1:18:29
  Because even for those of us, I think where we were actively farming, you
• 1:18:35
  know, before we met our husbands, with our husbands, whatever, that
• 1:18:41
  it's still the minute you add kids, it's just, you know, kids
• 1:18:48
  Faith: throws a whole wrench in the plan.
• 1:18:49
  They just throw wrenches, ev left, right, and center and you've gotta
• 1:18:52
  catch those wrenches or they're smacking you in the face, leaving big welts.
• 1:18:59
  Caite: Seriously.
• 1:19:00
  Having kids is like that scene in dodge ball.
• 1:19:02
  You know where the.
• 1:19:04
  The old coach dude is just chucking wrenches at people.
• 1:19:06
  That is a lot what it's like right there.
• 1:19:09
  Yeah.
• 1:19:09
  A hundred percent.
• 1:19:10
  A hundred percent.
• 1:19:12
  Yeah.
• 1:19:12
  So I mean,
• 1:19:14
  Faith: watch that movie.
• 1:19:14
  Cause don't understand why I keep, I'll be like, I'll throw a fucking
• 1:19:18
  wrench at you and you better dodge it.
• 1:19:19
  And they're like, what is wrong with you?
• 1:19:22
  I'm like, okay, we're watching
• 1:19:23
  Caite: the movie.
• 1:19:24
  I feel a little bad about how often I quote Super Troopers at my kids knowing
• 1:19:29
  how long it's gonna be before I will feel okay about letting them watch it.
• 1:19:34
  Cause even I am not gonna let a four year old watch that movie.
• 1:19:38
  Yeah.
• 1:19:39
  I mean, he totally wouldn't get any of the inappropriate content.
• 1:19:43
  No.
• 1:19:45
  Anyway, so we ask all of our guests, if you were going to dominate a category
• 1:19:49
  at county fair, what would it be?
• 1:19:51
  And categories can be real or made up.
• 1:19:55
  Okay.
• 1:19:55
  Faith: I I, I have to say, I think I would dominate it a hundred percent how
• 1:19:59
  to have a spicy sex life in the farm.
• 1:20:03
  Caite: I'm just,
• 1:20:06
  Arlene: but not
• 1:20:06
  in
• 1:20:06
  Caite: the tractor, obviously.
• 1:20:08
  I'm just picturing what the,
• 1:20:13
  I'm just picturing, you know, you take your family to state
• 1:20:15
  fairers like butter cow jams and jellies, flowers, faith, sex talk.
• 1:20:22
  There's maybe a curtain or something.
• 1:20:24
  Yeah.
• 1:20:26
  Over 18,
• 1:20:27
  Arlene: only over 18.
• 1:20:28
  Faith: A big dark curtain that says, talk about maintain your farmer.
• 1:20:33
  Oh my gosh.
• 1:20:35
  It'll be
• 1:20:35
  Caite: in the, like, faith is behind this curtain.
• 1:20:38
  Would it be in like the, the sales building, you know, where they have
• 1:20:41
  like the weird gadgets and shit and there's like the cookware and Yeah.
• 1:20:45
  Right.
• 1:20:45
  Are like,
• 1:20:47
  Arlene: yeah.
• 1:20:47
  She could have a, a double booth, like, you know, like the subscription box in the
• 1:20:51
  front and then Yeah, the bottle content
• 1:20:53
  Caite: in the back.
• 1:20:56
  Arlene: Cause like that is a whole new answer.
• 1:21:00
  Faith: For us.
• 1:21:00
  Yes.
• 1:21:00
  You guys are just like, oh, I wasn't expecting that that,
• 1:21:04
  but that's definitely my booth.
• 1:21:05
  I would dominate that.
• 1:21:10
  We'll make you special ribbon.
• 1:21:12
  Arlene: Thank you.
• 1:21:17
  So we will go ahead and move into our cussing and discussing segment.
• 1:21:20
  As listeners.
• 1:21:21
  You can leave your cussing and discussing entries for us and
• 1:21:24
  we will play them on the show.
• 1:21:26
  So go to the show notes to find our SpeakPipe or our email address where you
• 1:21:30
  can either leave a voice memo or send us an email and we would read it out for you.
• 1:21:34
  Katie, what are you cussing and discussing this week?
• 1:21:38
  Caite: My own guilt about shit.
• 1:21:40
  I am so sick of the guilt I bring on myself that like, if I'm gonna feel
• 1:21:45
  guilty about shit, I should at least give other people the pleasure of
• 1:21:49
  getting to think that I'm terrible about something before I feel bad about it.
• 1:21:54
  Because there's so many things that I'm like, Oh, I'm being
• 1:21:57
  so selfish for doing this.
• 1:21:59
  Everyone's gonna think that I'm so selfish or so self-centered.
• 1:22:02
  I'm like, if they think that they've never said it, I don't have any evidence
• 1:22:07
  that they actually even think that.
• 1:22:09
  And if they do think that that's on them, if it's something that I would never judge
• 1:22:14
  somebody else for doing, why do I think I am so special that I should be able to not
• 1:22:23
  ever get sick or take a vacation or have a hobby like I don't know, doing a podcast.
• 1:22:29
  That's just because I am a human and I can fucking do what I want because I'm
• 1:22:35
  a grown ass adult and realizing because here's of therapy, that perfectionism
• 1:22:44
  is a really self-centered thing about, you know, I am special enough
• 1:22:50
  that I should be able to be perfect.
• 1:22:52
  Not you guys because.
• 1:22:55
  You're not that we're actually mortals.
• 1:22:57
  Yes, I am special.
• 1:23:01
  Damn it.
• 1:23:02
  I should never need anything for myself because I am too good for that.
• 1:23:12
  Yeah, we're all done.
• 1:23:13
  That's what I'm cussing and discussing today.
• 1:23:16
  Fuck that lies.
• 1:23:16
  Got it.
• 1:23:17
  If somebody wants to judge me, they can go right ahead.
• 1:23:20
  I don't need to do it myself.
• 1:23:22
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:23:23
  Yeah,
• 1:23:23
  Arlene: because you're, yeah.
• 1:23:24
  Like you said, you are the one who's actually judging yourself and most
• 1:23:28
  likely one, nobody else is do it.
• 1:23:29
  Caite: Right, Arlene.
• 1:23:32
  Nobody else is gonna judge me harshly enough.
• 1:23:34
  Damn it.
• 1:23:35
  Arlene: Yeah.
• 1:23:36
  Yeah.
• 1:23:36
  They're going to, they're gonna let you
• 1:23:37
  Caite: off on, uh, some of your Yeah.
• 1:23:38
  What if they just let me get away with it?
• 1:23:42
  Yeah.
• 1:23:43
  Faith, what do you have to discuss and discuss today?
• 1:23:46
  Faith: Oh, I think mine would be empowerment.
• 1:23:50
  I hate that I don't empower myself enough.
• 1:23:52
  And like you said, like everyone lets me get away with shit.
• 1:23:57
  And I'm like, no, fucking kick me in the ass.
• 1:23:59
  Gimme some like not just you can do it.
• 1:24:02
  No faith, you fucking suck ass.
• 1:24:04
  Get your shit together, empower yourself and put yourself out there.
• 1:24:09
  Um, because it's ironic how much women, I find moms in particular,
• 1:24:15
  we don't empower ourselves.
• 1:24:16
  We'll empower every mom out there, but when it comes to ourselves, we're
• 1:24:21
  like, oh, sorry, you're tapped out now.
• 1:24:24
  Like socks just go cry in the corner.
• 1:24:26
  Okay.
• 1:24:28
  Figure it out.
• 1:24:28
  Bye.
• 1:24:30
  And I wish I could just be more empowering of myself.
• 1:24:36
  Caite: I do wonder what it would be like if we we're nodding again.
• 1:24:39
  Yeah.
• 1:24:39
  Yeah.
• 1:24:40
  If we talk to ourselves, the way that we talk to our friends and our children, but
• 1:24:45
  our daughters especially because is if I.
• 1:24:52
  Handled my own self-doubt the way I handled my six year old
• 1:24:57
  daughters life would be different cuz she's fucking beast mode 24 7.
• 1:25:06
  And you know it, yeah.
• 1:25:13
  If we talk to ourselves, the way we talk to the people we love
• 1:25:17
  things would be a lot different.
• 1:25:18
  Right.
• 1:25:19
  And why the fuck do we not love ourselves as much as we love other people?
• 1:25:24
  Right.
• 1:25:26
  Okay.
• 1:25:26
  Well, uh, if you need more therapy, you're gonna have to get it another time.
• 1:25:35
  Arlene, what do you have?
• 1:25:36
  Discuss, and discuss today?
• 1:25:38
  I was, I
• 1:25:38
  Arlene: was thinking the guilt too.
• 1:25:41
  I mean like it's just like that circular, we're all going around it again.
• 1:25:46
  But I mean, yeah, the things that I think I should feel guilty for and yet if I
• 1:25:51
  really break them down, it's like, why?
• 1:25:54
  Why do you think that that's a thing you need to do?
• 1:25:56
  Or why do you think that's important and is it really important?
• 1:25:59
  Or has this just been a story that you've been telling yourself like that this
• 1:26:03
  is something you should feel bad for?
• 1:26:05
  Is it really, do you care?
• 1:26:07
  Is it a value for you?
• 1:26:09
  You know, like really looking at what, what I'm telling myself I think I should
• 1:26:16
  be guilty about, and whether or not those things are actually things that I,
• 1:26:20
  I care about and need to put value on.
• 1:26:22
  So yeah, guilt.
• 1:26:24
  Guilt,
• 1:26:24
  Caite: guilt.
• 1:26:25
  I'm gonna say arlena.
• 1:26:26
  I think it's the fucking patriarchy.
• 1:26:29
  Cause if we took all the time and energy that we spend feeling bad about shit.
• 1:26:35
  And applied it towards a growth mindset of improvement and change and
• 1:26:44
  enjoyment of our lives and whatever the fuck else we could be doing.
• 1:26:48
  If we weren't spending all of our time and energy feeling bad about things that
• 1:26:51
  aren't actually our fault, um, the world could be a much better place and a lot
• 1:26:59
  more enjoyable, so, Hmm, absolutely.
• 1:27:03
  Back to smashing the patriarch.
• 1:27:05
  All right.
• 1:27:07
  Yes,
• 1:27:07
  Arlene: that'll be our task for tomorrow.
• 1:27:09
  Yes.
• 1:27:10
  Perfect.
• 1:27:10
  So thank you so much Faith for joining us today.
• 1:27:14
  It was so great meeting you and um, I'm sure you and Katie will be meeting
• 1:27:17
  up somewhere halfway between Iowa and uh, Saskatchewan someday soon.
• 1:27:21
  Um, but if people wanna connect with you online, if they're Canadian and want to
• 1:27:25
  order from you, where should they go?
• 1:27:28
  Faith: Uh, stressed out Mamas on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook
• 1:27:32
  or stressed out mamas.ca.
• 1:27:36
  Caite: And is that Mama's with Twos?
• 1:27:38
  Thank you so much.
• 1:27:38
  Oh and two, mss.
• 1:27:40
  Faith: You know, I can ask that question a lot and I'm just
• 1:27:43
  gonna preference, I'm blonde, so think what a blonde would think.
• 1:27:48
  And it is stressed out how start M A M A.
• 1:27:55
  Because I am too blonde to think of how I would spell it.
• 1:27:57
  The other way
• 1:28:01
  Caite: works.
• 1:28:01
  I'm not even blonde.
• 1:28:02
  And that's the way I'd spell it too.
• 1:28:03
  Cause it just seems excessive to spell it the other way.
• 1:28:07
  Right.
• 1:28:08
  Arlene: I'd forget
• 1:28:09
  Faith: it all the time.
• 1:28:10
  So stressed out.
• 1:28:11
  M a m a.
• 1:28:13
  Nice, simple and sweet.
• 1:28:16
  Arlene: Perfect.
• 1:28:16
  We'll include that in the show notes
• 1:28:17
  Faith: too.
• 1:28:20
  Well, it was great to meet you guys as well.
• 1:28:21
  Thank you so much for having me on.
• 1:28:22
  I enjoy it and I can't wait for everyone to hear about it.
• 1:28:25
  So much for coming
• 1:28:26
  Caite: on Faith.
• 1:28:28
  Thank you.
• 1:28:29
  All right.
• 1:28:29
  I'm gonna,