Latest / R.E.A.L. Talk for REAL L.Y.F.E. / This Time, Do It For You — Becoming on Purpose

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This Time, Do It For You — Becoming on Purpose · R.E.A.L. Talk for REAL L.Y.F.E.

• 0:00
  Welcome to Real Talk for Real Life, where we are realizing everyone is always
• 0:07
  learning and living your full experience.
• 0:12
  I'm your host, Coach C, and this is Season 6, Episode 3.
• 0:17
  This time, do it for you.
• 0:21
  Now, this season, our theme is Becoming on Purpose.
• 0:26
  And have you ever reached that place where you realize, I have done everything
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  for everybody, and now I'm tired.
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  Not just sleepy tired, I'm talking about that deep kind of tired that comes
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  from spending years pouring pieces of yourself into everybody else's cup.
• 0:53
  Yeah, me too. And that's why, this time, do it for you.
• 1:00
  Yeah, it's really that simple. This go-round, you're doing it for you.
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  Who have you been doing it for? Think about your life.
• 1:12
  Some of us started out doing it for our parents. We wanted to make them proud.
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  We wanted to prove that their sacrifices weren't wasted.
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  We wanted to become what they believed we could become.
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  Then somewhere along the way, we started doing it for the partner,
• 1:33
  the spouse, the children, the family, the job, the bills, the responsibilities, the expectations.
• 1:45
  And listen, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being motivated by the people you love.
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  There is something beautiful about saying, I want better because I want my children to have better.
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  There's something honorable about sacrifice.
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  There's something powerful about showing up for the people you love.
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  But where are you in all of that?
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  Because you can spend so much time building a life for everybody else that one
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  day you look around and realize,
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  everybody has a piece of the life you built except you.
• 2:28
  Listen, your life cannot keep lingering, and I think that's the word for it, lingering.
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  Our dreams linger, our desires linger, our ideas linger, our health lingers, our businesses linger,
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  our healing lingers, our happiness lingers.
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  We keep saying, after the kids get older, after things calm down,
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  after I help them get situated,
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  after this relationship gets better, after work slows down, after everybody else is okay.
• 3:10
  But baby, when do you get to be okay?
• 3:15
  Because somehow later keeps moving and eventually we become strangers in a life
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  that technically belongs to us.
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  That's how people wake up at 40, 50, 60, 70 years old and ask, what happened to me?
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  Not because they didn't live, they lived, they worked,
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  they loved, they served they sacrificed they provided they survived but somewhere
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  in all that living for everybody else
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  they stopped living with themselves in mind,
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  this time make it personal.
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  Because it is personal. That goal you've been putting off, do it for you.
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  That degree, do it for you. Getting your health together, do it for you.
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  Starting over, do it for you.
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  Leaving something that has been draining the life out of you, do it for you.
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  Starting the business, taking the trip, writing the book, going back to school,
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  learning something new,
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  creating peace in your home, getting serious about your finances,
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  getting reacquainted with the person in the mirror, do it for you.
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  And here's the part that I really want us to understand.
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  Doing something for yourself doesn't mean you stopped loving everybody else.
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  It means you finally included yourself in the people worth loving.
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  Come on, somebody. You don't need an audience for this one.
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  And maybe this time nobody understands.
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  Maybe nobody claps.
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  Maybe nobody supports it.
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  Maybe the people who benefited from the old version of you don't particularly
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  enjoy meeting the new one.
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  That's okay, because this isn't a performance. This isn't your audition.
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  This isn't your opportunity to prove something to somebody who underestimated you.
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  We're not even doing this for revenge. No, ma'am. No, sir.
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  We're doing it because our lives deserve our participation.
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  That's the shift.
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  I'm not becoming so somebody regrets losing me.
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  I'm not becoming so somebody finally respects me.
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  I'm not becoming so somebody wishes they treated me differently.
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  I'm becoming because there is still more of me that I haven't met yet. And I want to meet her.
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  Becoming on purpose. That's what becoming on purpose means.
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  I'm not accidentally stumbling into the next version of myself.
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  I'm participating in her creation.
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  I'm making choices with her in mind. I'm setting boundaries with her in mind.
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  I'm taking care of this body with her in mind.
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  I'm protecting my peace with her in mind.
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  I'm making decisions today that the future version of me will be grateful I had the courage to make.
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  Because maybe you've spent enough years being everybody's everything.
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  Maybe you've been the fixer, the provider, the strong one, the dependable one,
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  the one everybody calls, the one everybody needs, the one who figures it out.
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  But while you're busy being everything to everybody, please don't become nothing
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  to yourself this go around.
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  So if life has given you another opportunity another beginning another idea another chance
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  another chapter another morning another breath,
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  don't waste it trying to convince everybody else that you're worthy of it,
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  This time, do it for you.
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  This go-round, do it for you. Not selfishly, intentionally.
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  Not because nobody else matters, but because you matter too.
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  You've spent enough time asking, who needs me?
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  Maybe it's time to ask, what do I need from me?
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  And whatever answer comes up, listen to it,
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  because becoming on purpose requires
• 8:41
  you to stop treating yourself like an afterthought in your own life.
• 8:49
  Here's your fearless homework. It's the For Me Audit. This week's fearless homework is personal.
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  I want you to take a piece of paper and divide it into three sections.
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  Number one, what I've been doing for everybody else.
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  Write down where most of your energy has been going.
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  Who gets your time? Who gets your attention? Who gets your resources? Who gets the best of you?
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  Don't judge your answers. Just tell yourself the truth.
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  Number two, what I've left lingering.
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  Now write down three things you continuously postponed for yourself.
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  A dream, a goal, your health, your healing, your finances, your education,
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  your creativity, your rest.
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  Whatever keeps whispering, don't forget about me. Write it down.
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  And three, this time I'm doing blank for me.
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  Choose one thing, not ten, one, and complete this sentence.
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  This time, I'm blank for me.
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  Then underneath it write, the first fearless step I will take is blank.
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  And take that step this week, not next month,
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  not when everybody understands, Not when the circumstances become perfect this
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  week Because fearless homework isn't about writing pretty answers,
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  It's about putting some movement behind the message.
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  Listen, you've shown up for a whole lot of people.
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  You've carried, you've loved, you've sacrificed, you've provided,
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  you've encouraged, you've helped other people become, and I'm proud of you for that.
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  But this next chapter, put your name on it.
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  This time you're not disappearing inside somebody else's knees.
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  This time, you're not leaving your dreams lingering while you build everybody else's.
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  This time, you're not waiting until everybody else is okay before you give yourself permission to live.
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  This time, make it personal because it is. This time, do it for you.
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  And as always, live fearless, keep learning, keep living.
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  This is Real Talk for Real Life, where we're realizing everyone is always learning,
• 11:45
  and you're living your full experience.
• 11:49
  Make sure you're following me on Instagram and Facebook at Real Talk for Real
• 11:54
  Life, that's L-Y-F-E, for more inspiration, merchandise, and motivation between episodes.
• 12:03
  This is Coach C. I'll see you in the next one.