Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E 267: Breaking Generational Patterns of Guilt and Anger in Motherhood Guest: Misun Oh

Transcript

E 267: Breaking Generational Patterns of Guilt and Anger in Motherhood Guest: Misun Oh · Adult Child of Dysfunction

0:45
Yeah.
0:47
Well,
0:47
hello
0:47
everybody,
0:48
and
0:48
welcome
0:48
back
0:48
to
0:48
another
0:49
episode
0:49
of
0:49
Adult
0:50
Child
0:50
of
0:50
Dysfunction.
0:51
Today
0:51
we
0:52
have
0:52
with
0:52
us
0:52
Misun.
0:53
Oh.
0:53
She
0:54
is
0:54
a
0:54
spiritual
0:54
life
0:55
coach
0:55
who
0:56
works
0:56
with
0:56
moms
0:56
who've
0:57
done
0:57
all
0:57
the
0:57
work,
0:58
yet
0:58
still
0:58
feel
0:59
stuck
0:59
in
1:00
yelling
1:00
and
1:00
guilt.
1:01
Her
1:01
soul
1:02
print
1:02
approach
1:03
focuses
1:03
on
1:04
identity
1:04
level
1:05
healing,
1:05
helping
1:06
mom
1:06
remember
1:07
who
1:07
they
1:07
are
1:08
and
1:08
create
1:08
calmer,
1:09
more
1:09
connected
1:10
homes.
1:11
Welcome.
1:11
How
1:11
are
1:12
you
1:12
today?
1:14
Thank
1:14
you
1:14
so
1:14
much
1:14
for
1:15
having
1:15
me.
1:15
I'm
1:15
so
1:16
great.
1:16
Thank
1:16
you
1:16
for
1:17
asking.
1:17
How
1:17
are
1:17
you?
1:18
Oh,
1:18
I'm
1:19
doing
1:19
great.
1:20
So
1:20
everybody
1:21
comes
1:21
on
1:22
this
1:22
podcast
1:22
for
1:23
a
1:23
reason,
1:23
whether
1:23
it's
1:24
a
1:24
guest
1:24
or
1:24
a
1:25
listener.
1:26
What
1:26
brought
1:26
you
1:27
to
1:27
a
1:27
podcast
1:28
called
1:29
titled
1:29
Adult
1:30
Child
1:30
of
1:30
Dysfunction?
1:32
Oh,
1:32
that's
1:33
exactly
1:33
like
1:33
what
1:34
I
1:34
went
1:34
through
1:34
a
1:35
year
1:35
ago.
1:35
Like
1:37
I
1:37
did,
1:38
I
1:38
was
1:39
attending
1:39
hea,
1:40
meeting
1:40
other
1:41
child,
1:41
you
1:42
know,
1:43
and
1:44
it
1:44
brought
1:44
up
1:45
so
1:45
much
1:45
in
1:46
me.
1:46
I
1:46
mean,
1:47
I
1:47
started
1:48
my
1:48
spiritual
1:48
journey
1:49
2009,
1:50
and
1:50
since
1:51
then
1:51
I'm
1:52
really
1:52
like
1:53
intensely
1:54
working
1:54
on
1:54
myself,
1:55
healing
1:55
myself.
1:57
But
1:57
the
1:58
other
1:58
child
1:58
work
1:59
brought
2:00
whole
2:00
different
2:00
level
2:01
of
2:01
layers.
2:02
So.
2:03
Yeah,
2:03
I
2:04
want
2:04
to
2:04
share
2:05
about
2:05
my
2:05
story.
2:07
Okay.
2:07
So
2:07
you,
2:08
you
2:08
said,
2:09
I
2:09
know
2:09
somewhere,
2:10
whether
2:10
I
2:10
read
2:10
it
2:10
in
2:10
the
2:11
application
2:11
or
2:12
we
2:12
were
2:12
just
2:12
chatting
2:12
about
2:13
it.
2:13
You
2:13
mentioned
2:14
that
2:14
when
2:14
you
2:14
became
2:15
a
2:15
parent
2:16
is
2:16
when
2:16
you
2:16
were
2:16
really
2:18
aware
2:19
of
2:19
the
2:19
different
2:20
patterns
2:20
and
2:21
kind
2:21
of
2:21
how
2:21
they
2:21
followed
2:22
you.
2:23
Can
2:23
you
2:23
talk
2:23
a
2:23
little
2:24
bit
2:24
about
2:24
that?
2:26
Yeah.
2:26
That's
2:27
really
2:28
funny.
2:29
When
2:29
I
2:29
became
2:30
a
2:30
mom,
2:30
I
2:30
was
2:31
already
2:31
over
2:31
10
2:32
years
2:32
of
2:32
my
2:33
spiritual
2:33
practice,
2:34
so
2:34
I
2:35
thought,
2:35
I'm
2:35
ready.
2:36
I
2:36
thought
2:36
I'm
2:37
gonna
2:37
be
2:37
different
2:38
than
2:38
how
2:39
I
2:39
grew
2:39
up.
2:41
But,
2:42
you
2:43
know,
2:43
I
2:43
discovered
2:44
myself
2:45
yelling,
2:45
angry,
2:46
shutting
2:46
myself
2:47
down,
2:48
and
2:48
just
2:48
walk
2:48
away.
2:49
So
2:50
many
2:50
things.
2:51
But
2:51
still
2:52
I
2:52
was
2:52
thinking,
2:53
that's
2:53
pretty
2:53
normal
2:54
as
2:54
a
2:54
human
2:54
being.
2:55
And
2:56
I
2:57
went
2:57
through,
2:58
you
2:58
know,
2:58
divorce.
2:58
And
2:59
then
2:59
after
2:59
that,
2:59
I
2:59
was
3:00
in
3:00
another
3:00
relationship
3:01
very
3:01
shortly.
3:03
And
3:03
actually
3:04
that
3:04
person
3:04
introduced
3:05
the
3:06
ACA
3:06
meeting
3:07
to
3:07
me.
3:08
And
3:08
that
3:09
person
3:09
was
3:09
working
3:10
on
3:10
ACA
3:11
for
3:11
years.
3:13
And
3:13
then
3:14
actually
3:14
he
3:15
pointed
3:15
out
3:17
how
3:17
I'm
3:18
disconnected
3:19
with
3:19
my
3:20
son
3:20
when
3:20
I'm
3:20
getting
3:21
upset.
3:23
I
3:23
didn't
3:24
know
3:24
that.
3:25
I
3:25
mean,
3:25
I
3:25
knew
3:26
I
3:26
was
3:26
angry.
3:27
I
3:27
was
3:29
not
3:29
supposed
3:30
to
3:30
be
3:30
that
3:31
way,
3:32
but
3:32
I
3:32
don't.
3:32
I
3:33
didn't
3:33
see
3:33
that
3:34
as
3:34
a
3:34
huge
3:34
problem
3:35
or
3:35
any.
3:36
Anything
3:36
like
3:36
I
3:37
thought
3:37
that
3:37
was
3:37
just
3:38
normal.
3:39
But
3:39
that
3:40
my
3:41
now
3:41
my
3:42
ex
3:42
boyfriend,
3:43
what
3:43
he
3:43
pointed
3:43
out,
3:44
really
3:46
hit
3:46
me
3:47
so
3:47
hard.
3:47
I
3:48
mean,
3:48
it
3:48
hurt.
3:48
It
3:49
hurt
3:49
a
3:49
lot.
3:50
And
3:51
I
3:51
couldn't
3:51
believe
3:52
what
3:52
he's
3:52
saying
3:53
because
3:53
that's
3:53
exactly
3:54
how
3:55
I
3:55
grew
3:55
up.
3:56
You
3:56
know,
3:56
the
3:57
how
3:57
I
3:57
felt
3:58
while
3:58
I'm
3:58
growing
3:59
up.
3:59
So
4:01
I
4:01
really,
4:02
really
4:02
wanted
4:02
to
4:03
hear
4:03
that
4:03
part.
4:04
And
4:05
that's
4:05
how
4:06
I
4:06
attend
4:07
the
4:07
work
4:08
on
4:08
the
4:08
12
4:09
step
4:09
ACA.
4:11
And
4:11
it
4:11
brought
4:12
up
4:12
a
4:12
lot.
4:12
And
4:13
it
4:13
brought
4:13
a
4:13
lot
4:13
of
4:14
healing
4:14
too.
4:15
Yeah.
4:16
Well,
4:16
good.
4:16
And
4:17
the
4:17
ACA
4:18
program
4:18
for
4:18
those
4:18
people
4:19
that
4:19
are
4:19
out
4:19
there
4:19
that
4:20
are
4:20
listening
4:20
but
4:20
don't
4:21
know
4:21
what
4:21
that
4:21
is,
4:22
it
4:22
starts.
4:22
Started
4:23
as
4:23
adult
4:23
child
4:24
of
4:24
alcoholics.
4:26
And
4:26
so
4:27
it
4:27
was
4:27
primarily
4:28
for
4:28
children
4:28
that
4:28
grew
4:29
up
4:29
in
4:29
addictive
4:30
and
4:30
alcohol,
4:30
you
4:31
know,
4:31
around
4:31
addiction
4:32
and
4:32
alcoholism.
4:33
And
4:33
then
4:33
they
4:34
kind
4:34
of
4:34
branched
4:34
out
4:35
and
4:35
they
4:35
changed
4:35
the
4:36
name
4:36
of
4:36
it.
4:36
And
4:36
if
4:37
you've
4:37
listened
4:37
to
4:37
any
4:37
of
4:38
my
4:38
episodes
4:38
before,
4:39
you
4:39
know
4:39
that
4:39
I
4:40
totally
4:40
believe
4:42
is
4:42
that
4:43
dysfunction
4:43
is
4:43
dysfunction.
4:44
So
4:45
now
4:45
ACA
4:46
actually
4:46
is
4:46
the
4:46
bigger
4:47
umbrella
4:47
term
4:48
for
4:48
adult
4:48
children
4:49
of
4:49
alcoholics
4:49
and
4:50
dysfunctional
4:50
families.
4:53
Yes.
4:53
Like,
4:53
I
4:54
don't
4:54
know
4:54
if
4:54
you
4:54
had
4:55
alcoholism
4:55
in
4:56
the
4:56
family.
4:56
I
4:56
don't
4:56
know
4:57
what
4:57
kind
4:57
of
4:57
dysfunction
4:58
you
4:58
had.
4:58
But
4:59
at
4:59
the
4:59
end
4:59
of
4:59
the
5:00
day,
5:01
all
5:01
of
5:02
that
5:02
that
5:02
you
5:02
went
5:02
through
5:03
changed
5:03
the
5:03
way
5:04
that
5:04
you
5:04
react
5:04
with
5:05
other
5:05
people.
5:06
So
5:06
your
5:06
children
5:07
in
5:07
particular.
5:09
And
5:09
it
5:09
is
5:09
good
5:10
that
5:10
sometimes
5:11
that
5:12
it's
5:12
that
5:12
mom
5:13
wake
5:13
up
5:13
call
5:13
that
5:14
we
5:14
need
5:14
to
5:15
go.
5:15
Oh
5:15
my
5:15
gosh.
5:16
I
5:16
am
5:16
completely
5:17
my
5:17
parents.
5:18
Even
5:18
though
5:18
I
5:18
swear
5:19
war
5:19
I
5:19
would
5:20
never
5:20
be.
5:21
Yeah.
5:22
Can
5:22
you
5:22
talk
5:22
a
5:23
little
5:23
bit
5:23
about.
5:23
I
5:23
don't
5:24
know
5:24
how
5:24
deep
5:24
you
5:25
want
5:25
to
5:25
go
5:25
in.
5:25
I
5:25
know
5:25
we
5:26
keep
5:26
it
5:26
kind
5:26
of
5:26
raw
5:27
unreal
5:27
here.
5:27
But
5:28
it's
5:28
your.
5:29
How
5:29
much
5:29
you
5:29
talk
5:29
about
5:30
is
5:30
up
5:30
to
5:30
you.
5:32
What
5:32
was
5:32
your
5:32
childhood?
5:33
What
5:33
was
5:33
your
5:34
childhood
5:34
like?
5:34
Like,
5:35
what
5:35
was
5:35
the
5:36
dysfunction?
5:37
I
5:37
love
5:37
it.
5:38
I
5:38
love
5:38
this
5:38
kind
5:39
of
5:39
conversation.
5:41
And
5:42
yeah,
5:42
and
5:43
exactly
5:43
what
5:44
you
5:44
said.
5:44
You
5:45
know,
5:45
I
5:45
just
5:46
swore
5:47
I'll
5:47
never
5:47
be
5:48
that
5:48
way.
5:48
You
5:48
know,
5:49
that's
5:49
exactly
5:49
how
5:50
I
5:52
messaging
5:52
to
5:53
my
5:53
clients.
5:54
Like
5:54
people
5:55
who
5:55
swore
5:56
I
5:56
would
5:56
never
5:57
be
5:57
my
5:57
like
5:57
my
5:57
parents.
5:58
But
5:58
I
5:59
notice
6:00
I'm
6:00
exactly
6:01
like
6:01
them.
6:03
Yeah,
6:04
that's
6:04
exactly
6:05
wake
6:05
up
6:06
call.
6:06
Well,
6:06
my
6:06
childhood,
6:07
my
6:08
family.
6:09
I
6:10
was
6:10
born
6:11
in
6:11
Berry
6:12
countryside
6:12
in
6:13
South
6:13
Korea.
6:15
It
6:16
was
6:16
a
6:16
really
6:16
small
6:17
town,
6:17
like
6:18
seven,
6:18
eight
6:18
houses
6:19
that
6:19
was
6:20
all
6:20
in
6:20
town.
6:21
And
6:22
everyone
6:22
was
6:23
farming,
6:24
nothing
6:25
else.
6:27
And
6:28
we
6:29
until
6:29
my
6:29
grandpa
6:31
passed
6:32
away.
6:32
I
6:33
had
6:34
quite
6:34
good
6:35
memory.
6:35
It
6:36
was
6:36
like
6:37
my
6:37
grandpa
6:37
passed
6:38
away
6:38
when
6:38
I
6:38
was
6:39
five
6:39
years
6:39
old.
6:40
So
6:40
not
6:41
having
6:41
a
6:41
lot
6:41
of
6:42
memory
6:42
before
6:42
then.
6:43
But
6:44
somehow
6:44
I
6:44
have
6:45
like
6:45
a
6:45
good
6:46
image
6:47
and
6:47
good
6:47
feeling
6:48
when
6:48
I
6:48
think
6:49
about
6:49
that
6:49
time.
6:50
But
6:50
after
6:50
my
6:51
grandpa
6:51
passed
6:52
away,
6:52
everything
6:53
falling
6:53
apart.
6:56
So
6:57
I
6:57
would
6:57
say
6:57
my
6:58
grandpa
6:58
was
6:58
the
6:59
person
6:59
who
6:59
was
7:00
holding
7:00
everyone
7:01
together.
7:01
Everything
7:02
together.
7:03
And
7:03
as
7:04
he
7:04
goes,
7:08
yeah,
7:08
my
7:08
dad
7:09
has
7:09
problem
7:09
with
7:10
alcohol
7:10
and
7:11
everything.
7:12
Abusive.
7:13
He
7:13
was
7:13
abusive
7:14
alcoholic,
7:16
a
7:16
lot
7:16
of
7:16
woman,
7:17
you
7:17
know,
7:18
so
7:19
my
7:20
mom.
7:21
I
7:22
remember
7:22
I
7:22
have
7:23
one
7:23
memory
7:24
that
7:24
my
7:25
dad
7:25
was
7:25
beating
7:26
my
7:26
mom
7:27
in
7:27
Front
7:27
of
7:28
our
7:28
house,
7:28
basically
7:28
on
7:29
the
7:29
street,
7:31
you
7:31
know,
7:32
it
7:32
was
7:32
a
7:32
very
7:32
small
7:32
town,
7:33
probably
7:33
everyone
7:34
could
7:34
hear,
7:37
but
7:37
no
7:37
one
7:37
came.
7:38
Actually
7:39
I
7:39
think
7:39
that
7:40
was
7:40
pretty
7:40
much
7:41
normal,
7:41
I
7:41
would
7:42
say,
7:42
even
7:42
though
7:42
I
7:42
have
7:43
only
7:43
one
7:43
memory.
7:45
And
7:45
then
7:45
my
7:46
mom
7:46
left
7:46
the
7:46
house
7:47
after
7:47
that.
7:49
So
7:49
that
7:49
was
7:49
when
7:50
I
7:50
was
7:50
6.
7:51
And
7:51
then
7:51
my
7:52
dad
7:53
in
7:53
and
7:53
out,
7:53
he
7:54
wasn't
7:54
present
7:54
as
7:55
an
7:55
adult
7:55
in
7:56
our
7:56
house
7:56
either.
7:58
So
7:58
I
7:58
had
7:58
five
7:59
siblings,
8:00
they're
8:00
all
8:01
older
8:01
than
8:01
me
8:02
and
8:02
I
8:02
was
8:02
six.
8:03
My
8:03
oldest
8:04
brother
8:04
was
8:05
17
8:06
at
8:06
the
8:06
time.
8:07
And.
8:08
But
8:09
you
8:09
know,
8:10
no
8:11
one
8:11
was
8:11
really
8:12
like
8:13
able
8:14
to
8:14
carry
8:15
everything
8:16
just
8:17
as
8:17
we
8:17
were
8:17
all
8:18
kids.
8:18
Right.
8:19
So.
8:19
Right,
8:20
no
8:21
one,
8:21
especially
8:22
my
8:22
brothers,
8:23
they
8:24
were
8:24
not
8:24
able
8:25
to
8:25
do
8:25
that
8:25
at
8:26
all.
8:26
So
8:26
my
8:28
sister,
8:28
she
8:28
was
8:29
only
8:29
seven
8:29
years
8:30
older
8:30
than
8:30
me.
8:31
So
8:31
she
8:31
was
8:31
13
8:32
at
8:32
the
8:32
time.
8:33
She
8:34
was
8:34
the
8:34
one
8:36
who's
8:36
keeping
8:37
the
8:37
house.
8:39
So
8:39
she
8:40
like
8:40
go
8:40
to
8:41
the
8:41
neighbors
8:41
to
8:42
helping
8:42
and
8:43
getting
8:43
food,
8:44
you
8:44
know,
8:44
things
8:44
like
8:44
that.
8:46
And
8:47
that's,
8:47
that's
8:47
what
8:48
I
8:49
carried
8:50
for
8:50
my
8:51
whole
8:51
life
8:52
like
8:52
that.
8:53
Abandonment
8:54
issues.
8:57
I
8:57
didn't
8:57
know
8:57
of
8:57
course
8:58
until
8:58
I
8:58
started
8:59
my
8:59
spiritual
8:59
journey,
9:00
I
9:01
didn't
9:01
know
9:01
anything.
9:01
I
9:02
just
9:02
lived
9:02
as
9:02
my
9:02
life
9:03
a
9:03
complete
9:03
victim.
9:04
Like
9:05
it's
9:05
my
9:05
parents
9:05
fault,
9:06
it's
9:06
my
9:06
mom's
9:07
fault,
9:07
you
9:07
know,
9:08
everything.
9:08
Like
9:09
if
9:09
they
9:09
didn't
9:10
do
9:10
that,
9:10
I
9:10
wouldn't
9:11
live
9:11
this
9:11
way.
9:12
Especially
9:13
in
9:13
relationship.
9:15
Of
9:15
course
9:16
that's
9:16
hardest
9:17
part.
9:17
It's
9:17
always
9:18
trigger
9:19
my
9:19
fear
9:19
of
9:19
abandonment
9:20
because
9:21
that's
9:21
what
9:21
I
9:21
need
9:21
to
9:22
heal.
9:22
I
9:22
attract
9:22
that
9:22
kinds
9:23
of
9:23
guys.
9:24
So
9:25
it
9:25
always
9:25
happens
9:26
same
9:26
way.
9:27
Like
9:28
whenever
9:29
breakup
9:30
happens,
9:31
that's
9:31
just
9:32
end
9:32
of
9:32
the
9:32
world
9:32
to
9:33
me.
9:34
Whether
9:34
that's
9:35
a
9:35
great
9:35
guy
9:36
or
9:36
such
9:36
a
9:37
really
9:38
asshole.
9:41
It
9:42
doesn't
9:42
matter.
9:42
He
9:42
still
9:42
left
9:43
you
9:43
whether
9:43
he
9:43
was
9:43
an
9:44
asshole
9:44
or
9:44
not,
9:44
right?
9:45
Yeah,
9:47
it
9:47
doesn't
9:47
matter.
9:48
It's
9:48
just.
9:48
I
9:48
cannot
9:49
bear
9:49
that
9:50
I'm
9:51
being
9:51
left
9:51
out.
9:53
Yeah.
9:53
So
9:54
if
9:54
I
9:55
break
9:55
up
9:55
with
9:55
someone,
9:56
that's
9:56
okay.
9:57
But
9:57
if
9:57
someone
9:58
break
9:58
up
9:58
with
9:58
me,
9:59
I
9:59
couldn't
9:59
bear
9:59
that
10:00
pain.
10:01
And
10:01
I
10:02
didn't
10:02
know
10:02
what
10:02
it
10:03
is
10:03
at
10:03
the
10:03
time,
10:04
but
10:04
that
10:04
was
10:05
the
10:05
seated,
10:06
you
10:06
know.
10:07
And
10:07
when
10:07
I
10:08
was
10:08
six,
10:09
so
10:10
that's
10:11
what
10:11
I
10:11
carried.
10:11
And
10:12
then
10:12
in
10:13
my
10:13
late
10:13
20s,
10:16
I
10:16
came
10:17
out
10:17
of
10:17
a
10:18
really
10:18
painful
10:18
breakup.
10:20
That
10:20
guy,
10:20
I
10:20
would
10:20
say
10:21
worst
10:21
guy
10:22
I've
10:22
ever
10:22
met.
10:23
And
10:24
still
10:25
I
10:25
couldn't
10:25
let
10:25
him
10:26
go.
10:26
Still
10:27
I
10:27
couldn't
10:27
accept
10:28
that
10:28
he
10:28
left
10:29
me.
10:29
Even
10:29
though
10:30
he
10:30
found
10:30
another
10:31
girl
10:31
and
10:32
you
10:32
know,
10:32
such
10:33
a
10:33
falling
10:33
in
10:33
love
10:34
with
10:34
her
10:35
but
10:35
totally
10:36
different
10:36
way
10:36
he
10:37
interact
10:37
with
10:37
her.
10:39
And
10:39
I
10:39
still
10:40
couldn't
10:40
let
10:40
him
10:40
go.
10:41
I
10:41
still
10:41
couldn't
10:42
accept
10:42
that
10:43
it's
10:44
done
10:45
So
10:45
I
10:45
couldn't
10:46
bear
10:46
the
10:46
pain.
10:47
I
10:47
tried
10:47
to
10:48
kill
10:48
myself.
10:48
At
10:49
the
10:49
time,
10:50
that
10:50
was
10:50
the
10:50
only
10:51
way
10:51
I
10:51
could
10:51
get
10:52
out
10:52
of
10:52
that
10:52
pain.
10:53
I
10:53
thought
10:53
at
10:53
the
10:54
time.
10:54
Thankfully
10:55
it
10:55
didn't
10:55
work
10:56
out.
10:56
But
10:57
that
10:57
was
10:57
the
10:58
waking
10:59
up
11:00
call.
11:00
You
11:01
know,
11:02
there
11:03
was
11:03
like
11:03
a
11:03
little
11:03
voice
11:04
inside
11:04
of
11:04
me,
11:05
there
11:05
must
11:05
be
11:05
different
11:06
way
11:06
to
11:06
live
11:07
this
11:07
life.
11:08
And
11:08
then
11:09
that
11:09
was
11:09
the
11:09
start
11:10
of
11:10
my
11:10
journey.
11:11
Um.
11:12
Yeah.
11:12
Exploding.
11:14
Yeah.
11:14
Well,
11:15
sometimes,
11:15
I
11:15
mean,
11:16
you
11:16
don't
11:16
want
11:17
people
11:17
to
11:17
ever
11:17
have
11:18
to
11:18
hit
11:18
that
11:18
rock
11:19
bottom
11:19
of
11:20
suicide,
11:21
you
11:21
know,
11:21
trying
11:22
or
11:22
attempting
11:23
or
11:23
even
11:23
thinking
11:23
about
11:24
it.
11:24
But
11:25
sometimes
11:25
it
11:25
takes
11:26
something
11:26
to
11:26
scare
11:26
you.
11:28
You
11:28
know,
11:28
I
11:29
mean,
11:29
that's.
11:30
It
11:30
scares
11:30
you
11:30
into.
11:31
Oh
11:31
my
11:31
gosh,
11:31
if
11:32
I
11:32
do
11:32
this.
11:32
You
11:32
know,
11:33
you
11:33
were
11:33
obviously
11:34
acutely
11:34
aware
11:35
that
11:35
things
11:35
were
11:36
going
11:36
on
11:36
and
11:36
things
11:37
weren't
11:37
right
11:37
and
11:37
you
11:38
knew
11:38
you
11:38
were
11:38
attracting
11:39
the
11:39
wrong
11:39
people.
11:40
But
11:40
you're
11:40
right.
11:42
It's.
11:42
We
11:43
actually
11:43
just
11:44
a
11:44
couple
11:44
episodes
11:45
ago.
11:45
I'll
11:45
have
11:45
to
11:45
get
11:45
you
11:46
the
11:46
episode
11:46
number.
11:46
You'll
11:47
have
11:47
to
11:47
listen
11:47
to
11:47
it.
11:48
Because
11:48
it's
11:48
all
11:48
about
11:48
attachment
11:49
theories
11:50
and
11:50
narcissistic
11:51
like
11:52
abuse
11:52
and
11:53
how
11:53
we.
11:53
Our
11:54
minds
11:54
are
11:54
so
11:55
wired
11:55
to
11:55
familiar
11:56
that
11:56
we
11:57
keep
11:57
going
11:57
back
11:58
to
11:58
those
11:58
wrong
11:59
people
12:00
and
12:01
knowing.
12:02
Knowing
12:03
perfectly
12:03
well
12:04
that
12:04
they're
12:04
probably
12:04
not
12:04
good
12:05
for
12:05
us.
12:06
And
12:06
then
12:07
when
12:07
it's
12:08
gone,
12:08
like
12:08
you
12:09
said
12:09
you
12:09
have
12:09
that
12:09
attachment
12:10
is
12:10
so
12:10
strong.
12:11
It's
12:11
almost
12:11
like
12:11
a
12:12
trauma
12:12
bond,
12:13
you
12:13
know,
12:13
because
12:13
they've
12:14
got
12:14
you
12:14
so
12:14
hooked
12:15
in
12:15
and
12:15
you're
12:15
so
12:16
looking
12:16
for
12:17
love
12:17
in
12:17
all
12:17
the
12:17
wrong
12:18
places
12:18
kind
12:18
of
12:18
thing
12:19
that
12:19
you
12:19
just.
12:20
You
12:20
feel
12:20
like
12:20
you're
12:21
gonna
12:21
die.
12:21
I
12:21
mean
12:22
it
12:22
literally,
12:23
it
12:24
feels
12:24
like
12:25
that.
12:25
So
12:26
I'm
12:26
glad
12:26
you
12:27
survived
12:28
or
12:28
we
12:28
wouldn't
12:28
be
12:28
here
12:29
today
12:29
talking.
12:31
But
12:31
what
12:32
started
12:32
making
12:32
the
12:33
biggest
12:33
changes
12:34
for
12:34
you?
12:34
Like
12:35
talk
12:35
about
12:35
your
12:35
process
12:36
of,
12:36
okay,
12:36
you've
12:37
hit
12:37
this
12:37
wall.
12:37
You're
12:38
like,
12:39
enough.
12:39
There's
12:39
got
12:39
to
12:39
be
12:40
a
12:40
better
12:40
way.
12:41
What
12:41
was
12:41
your
12:41
process
12:42
like?
12:43
Okay.
12:43
And
12:44
only
12:44
always
12:45
stage
12:45
of
12:45
my
12:46
healing
12:46
journey.
12:47
The
12:47
first
12:47
thing
12:48
I
12:48
learned
12:49
from
12:49
my
12:49
journey
12:50
was
12:51
taking
12:51
responsibility
12:52
of
12:52
my
12:52
life.
12:53
That
12:54
was
12:54
a
12:54
huge.
12:54
Because
12:55
I
12:55
really
12:55
believed
12:56
myself
12:57
as
12:57
a
12:57
victim
12:59
over
12:59
my
13:00
parents.
13:00
But
13:01
I
13:01
learned
13:02
that
13:05
I
13:05
used
13:05
to
13:05
go
13:05
to
13:05
the
13:05
church
13:06
in
13:06
my
13:06
teenage
13:06
years.
13:07
But
13:07
it's.
13:08
It
13:08
was
13:08
not
13:09
spiritual
13:09
way.
13:10
It
13:10
was
13:10
only.
13:11
It
13:11
was
13:11
also
13:11
escape
13:12
season
13:12
from
13:13
my
13:13
home.
13:15
So
13:15
it
13:15
was
13:16
more
13:16
like
13:16
really
13:17
just
13:17
a
13:17
religion,
13:18
you
13:18
know?
13:19
Right.
13:19
I
13:19
didn't
13:20
learn
13:20
that
13:20
much
13:21
at
13:22
that
13:22
time.
13:23
So
13:24
in
13:24
my
13:24
20s,
13:25
I
13:26
stopped
13:26
going
13:27
to
13:27
church
13:27
because
13:27
what
13:28
I
13:28
learned
13:28
from
13:29
the
13:29
church
13:29
in
13:29
my
13:29
teenage
13:30
years
13:30
was
13:31
like,
13:31
what
13:32
shouldn't
13:32
I
13:32
do?
13:32
What
13:33
should
13:33
I
13:33
do?
13:33
Like,
13:34
if
13:34
I
13:34
do
13:35
something
13:35
wrong,
13:35
I'm
13:36
Going
13:36
to
13:36
go
13:36
to
13:36
the
13:36
hell,
13:36
like
13:37
that's
13:37
what
13:37
I
13:37
love.
13:39
So.
13:41
So
13:41
when
13:41
I
13:41
entered
13:42
university,
13:44
I
13:44
started
13:45
drinking
13:45
alcohol
13:46
and
13:46
I
13:46
felt
13:47
so
13:47
much
13:48
guilt
13:48
I
13:48
couldn't
13:49
go
13:49
back
13:49
to
13:49
the
13:49
church.
13:51
So
13:51
I
13:52
stopped
13:52
going
13:53
to
13:53
church.
13:53
And
13:53
then
13:54
I
13:54
had
13:54
to
13:54
just
13:54
by
13:55
myself.
13:55
So
13:55
I,
13:56
I
13:56
started
13:56
to
13:56
deny
13:57
God
13:57
completely.
13:58
I
13:58
became
13:59
atheist.
14:02
Oh,
14:02
wow,
14:02
okay.
14:03
20S
14:04
until
14:04
I
14:05
find
14:05
the
14:05
God
14:05
again.
14:06
And
14:07
so
14:07
when
14:08
I
14:08
started
14:08
that
14:09
journey,
14:09
when
14:09
I
14:10
started
14:10
to
14:11
really
14:11
accepting
14:12
little
14:12
by
14:13
little,
14:14
okay,
14:14
this
14:15
is
14:15
my
14:15
responsibility.
14:16
No
14:16
one
14:16
caused
14:17
this
14:17
pain
14:17
in
14:18
me.
14:18
I
14:18
chose
14:19
this.
14:19
And
14:20
then
14:20
I
14:20
started
14:21
reading
14:21
all
14:21
kinds
14:21
of
14:22
books
14:22
and
14:24
I
14:24
read
14:25
about
14:25
like
14:25
a
14:26
soul,
14:26
the
14:26
source
14:27
journey,
14:27
like,
14:29
and
14:29
it
14:29
just
14:29
hit
14:30
me
14:30
so
14:30
hard.
14:30
I
14:31
totally
14:32
believed
14:33
that
14:33
my
14:34
soul
14:35
agreed
14:36
to
14:36
this
14:37
life
14:38
and
14:38
came
14:39
with
14:40
the
14:40
consent
14:42
when
14:43
I'm
14:43
going
14:43
to
14:43
experience
14:44
it
14:44
in
14:44
this
14:45
life
14:45
to
14:46
learn
14:46
my
14:46
lesson.
14:47
So
14:48
I
14:48
came
14:48
with
14:49
my
14:49
own
14:49
curriculum,
14:50
with
14:50
my
14:51
own
14:51
people,
14:53
especially
14:54
my
14:54
parents,
14:54
you
14:55
know,
14:56
and
14:57
even
14:57
now,
14:57
when
14:58
I
14:58
look
14:58
back,
14:59
one
14:59
of
14:59
my
14:59
biggest
15:00
lessons
15:00
I
15:00
need
15:01
to
15:01
learn
15:01
and
15:01
transcend
15:02
in
15:02
this
15:02
lifetime
15:03
was
15:04
overcoming
15:05
that
15:05
fear
15:06
of
15:06
abandonment.
15:07
So
15:08
I
15:08
had
15:08
to
15:09
have
15:10
parents
15:10
who
15:11
can
15:11
abandon
15:11
me
15:12
in
15:12
early
15:12
ages
15:14
so
15:14
I
15:14
can
15:15
really
15:16
transcend
15:16
that
15:18
trauma
15:18
wound.
15:20
So
15:20
that's
15:21
one
15:21
thing
15:21
I
15:21
learned
15:22
in
15:22
the
15:22
very
15:22
early
15:23
stage.
15:24
And
15:24
then
15:25
since
15:25
I
15:25
started
15:26
taking
15:27
responsibility
15:27
for
15:28
my
15:28
life,
15:30
the
15:31
really
15:31
amazing
15:32
things
15:32
happen.
15:32
Like,
15:33
I
15:34
used
15:34
to
15:34
have
15:34
a
15:34
very
15:35
small,
15:35
like
15:36
illness,
15:36
some
15:37
more
15:37
sickness
15:38
here
15:38
and
15:38
there,
15:38
like
15:39
headache,
15:40
cold,
15:42
my
15:42
period
15:42
pain,
15:43
you
15:43
know,
15:44
stomach
15:44
ache.
15:45
Whenever
15:45
I
15:46
stress
15:46
just
15:46
a
15:47
little
15:47
bit
15:48
that
15:48
happens.
15:50
But
15:51
I
15:51
was
15:51
pretty
15:52
healthy
15:52
when
15:53
I
15:53
was
15:53
young.
15:54
I
15:54
grew
15:55
up
15:55
in
15:55
the
15:55
very
15:55
countryside,
15:56
you
15:56
know,
15:57
it
15:57
just
15:57
grew
15:58
up
15:58
with
15:58
nature
15:59
that
15:59
was
15:59
very
15:59
healthy.
16:00
I
16:00
think
16:02
that
16:02
made
16:03
my
16:03
immune
16:04
system
16:04
very
16:04
healthy.
16:05
So
16:06
I
16:06
didn't
16:06
get
16:07
sick
16:07
very
16:07
much.
16:08
But
16:08
in
16:09
my
16:09
teenage
16:09
years,
16:09
I
16:10
developed
16:11
having
16:11
sickness
16:14
as
16:14
a
16:14
tool
16:15
to
16:15
get
16:15
attention
16:16
from
16:16
other
16:16
people.
16:18
So
16:18
I
16:18
believe
16:19
that.
16:19
So
16:19
I
16:19
used
16:20
to
16:20
have
16:20
that
16:20
small
16:21
sickness
16:21
very
16:22
often.
16:23
But
16:24
when
16:24
I
16:24
started
16:24
to
16:25
accepting
16:26
my
16:26
responsibility
16:27
for
16:27
my
16:27
life,
16:28
all
16:28
of
16:28
my
16:29
little
16:29
sicknesses
16:29
was
16:30
gone
16:30
completely.
16:31
It
16:31
was
16:32
over
16:32
10
16:32
years.
16:32
I
16:33
never
16:33
got
16:34
cold
16:35
anything
16:35
like
16:36
headache?
16:36
No,
16:37
not
16:37
at
16:37
all.
16:38
Well,
16:38
because,
16:39
yeah,
16:39
you
16:39
knew
16:40
that
16:40
you
16:40
were
16:40
making
16:40
that
16:41
up.
16:41
So
16:41
yeah,
16:42
you
16:42
knew
16:43
that
16:43
you
16:43
were
16:43
like,
16:44
okay,
16:44
if
16:44
I'm
16:44
taking,
16:45
if
16:45
I'm
16:45
taking
16:45
responsibility
16:46
for
16:46
what
16:47
I'm
16:47
doing,
16:47
I'm
16:48
sitting
16:48
here
16:48
making
16:48
up
16:49
stuff
16:49
to
16:50
literally
16:50
make
16:51
people
16:51
like
16:52
me
16:52
or
16:52
make
16:53
people
16:53
pay
16:53
attention
16:54
to
16:54
me.
16:54
Yeah,
16:54
that's.
16:55
Who
16:55
was
16:55
it?
16:55
I
16:56
think
16:56
it
16:56
was
16:56
Ben
16:56
Franklin
16:57
that
16:57
said,
16:57
with
16:57
awareness
16:58
comes
16:58
great
16:59
responsibility.
17:00
So
17:00
it's
17:00
like
17:01
you,
17:01
you
17:01
don't
17:01
know
17:02
and,
17:02
and,
17:03
and
17:03
everything
17:03
you
17:04
did.
17:04
I
17:04
mean,
17:04
I'm
17:05
sure
17:05
you
17:05
look
17:05
now,
17:05
I
17:06
mean
17:06
you
17:06
said
17:06
so
17:07
many
17:07
words
17:07
to
17:07
me
17:08
in
17:08
just
17:08
the
17:08
last
17:09
couple
17:09
sentences
17:10
that
17:10
just
17:11
screamed
17:11
guilt
17:12
and
17:12
shame.
17:13
And
17:13
it's
17:14
like,
17:14
you
17:14
have
17:14
to
17:15
let.
17:15
That's
17:16
the
17:16
big
17:16
thing.
17:17
I
17:17
love
17:17
that
17:17
you
17:17
said,
17:18
too.
17:18
Was
17:18
it
17:18
the
17:19
Soul's
17:19
Journey?
17:19
Was
17:19
the
17:20
book
17:20
you
17:20
read?
17:20
Was
17:20
that
17:21
the
17:21
title
17:21
of
17:21
the
17:21
book?
17:22
Yeah,
17:23
because
17:23
I.
17:23
I
17:23
love
17:24
hearing
17:24
about
17:24
that.
17:24
I
17:24
had
17:25
another
17:25
episode
17:25
here,
17:25
too,
17:26
where
17:26
we.
17:26
The
17:27
lady
17:27
taught.
17:27
I
17:27
think
17:27
it
17:27
was
17:27
a
17:28
lady
17:28
talked
17:28
all
17:29
about
17:29
the
17:29
soul's
17:29
journey,
17:30
and
17:30
she
17:30
did
17:30
say
17:31
that.
17:31
She
17:31
did
17:32
say,
17:32
you
17:32
are
17:32
put
17:33
on
17:33
this
17:33
earth
17:34
to
17:34
learn
17:35
certain
17:35
things
17:35
and
17:35
do
17:36
certain
17:36
things,
17:36
and
17:37
you
17:37
are
17:37
going
17:37
to
17:37
keep
17:38
continuing
17:38
to
17:39
come
17:39
back
17:41
life
17:41
after
17:41
life
17:42
after
17:42
life
17:43
until
17:43
you
17:43
learn
17:44
what
17:44
you're
17:44
supposed
17:44
to
17:45
be
17:45
learning.
17:46
So
17:46
it's
17:46
almost
17:46
like
17:47
I
17:47
feel
17:47
like
17:47
everybody
17:47
should
17:48
read
17:48
that
17:48
book
17:48
because
17:48
it's
17:49
like,
17:49
wow,
17:50
I
17:50
don't
17:50
want
17:50
to
17:50
do
17:50
this
17:51
again
17:51
and
17:51
again
17:52
and
17:52
again.
17:52
Right?
17:54
Exactly.
17:55
Yeah.
17:55
It's
17:55
like,
17:55
let
17:56
me
17:56
just
17:56
learn
17:56
now,
17:57
you
17:57
know?
17:57
But
17:58
we
17:58
don't.
17:58
We
17:58
don't
17:59
know
17:59
what
17:59
we
17:59
don't
17:59
know
18:00
until
18:00
someone
18:00
gets
18:01
on
18:01
a
18:01
podcast
18:01
and
18:02
someone
18:02
else
18:02
hears
18:02
this
18:03
and
18:03
then
18:03
they
18:03
pick
18:03
up
18:03
the
18:04
book
18:04
and
18:04
they
18:04
go,
18:04
wow,
18:05
Cha
18:05
ching.
18:06
You
18:06
know,
18:06
it's
18:06
like
18:07
this.
18:07
Your
18:07
light,
18:08
your
18:08
life.
18:08
Is
18:09
this
18:10
a
18:10
plethora
18:11
of
18:11
just,
18:11
aha.
18:12
Moments
18:12
where
18:13
you're
18:13
like,
18:13
okay,
18:13
I
18:14
can
18:14
learn
18:14
from
18:14
this
18:15
and
18:16
move
18:16
on
18:16
and
18:16
not
18:16
have
18:16
to
18:17
do
18:17
this
18:17
again.
18:18
And
18:18
when
18:18
I
18:18
say
18:19
again,
18:19
I
18:19
mean
18:19
life
18:20
after
18:20
life,
18:21
right?
18:22
Not
18:22
just
18:22
moment
18:23
after
18:23
moment
18:24
after
18:24
moment.
18:24
We're
18:25
talking,
18:25
you
18:26
know,
18:26
52
18:27
lives
18:27
from
18:27
now.
18:28
I'm
18:28
still
18:28
gonna
18:28
be
18:29
going,
18:29
dang
18:29
it.
18:30
Like,
18:30
why
18:30
didn't
18:30
I
18:31
learn
18:31
that
18:31
one?
18:32
You
18:32
know,
18:32
it's
18:33
almost
18:33
like
18:33
you
18:33
get
18:33
this
18:33
feeling
18:34
of
18:34
deja
18:34
vu
18:35
and
18:35
you're
18:35
like,
18:35
wow,
18:35
I.
18:36
I
18:36
feel
18:36
like.
18:37
But
18:37
I
18:37
know
18:37
this
18:37
never
18:38
happened.
18:38
Well,
18:38
it
18:39
probably
18:39
did.
18:40
So,
18:41
you
18:42
know,
18:43
so
18:43
you
18:43
did.
18:44
So
18:44
you
18:44
read
18:44
the
18:44
book,
18:45
you
18:45
started
18:45
taking
18:46
responsibility.
18:48
You
18:48
really
18:49
worked
18:49
on
18:49
that
18:49
fear
18:50
of
18:50
abandonment,
18:50
which
18:50
is
18:51
a
18:51
really,
18:51
really.
18:52
For
18:52
the
18:52
people
18:52
out
18:53
there
18:53
listening,
18:54
that's
18:54
a
18:54
tough
18:54
one,
18:55
because
18:57
when
18:57
you
18:58
feel
18:58
that
18:59
everybody
18:59
in
18:59
your
18:59
life
19:00
or
19:00
is
19:01
going
19:01
to
19:01
abandon
19:01
you,
19:02
even
19:02
when
19:02
you
19:02
get
19:03
in
19:03
the
19:03
good
19:03
relationships,
19:05
you
19:05
can't
19:06
get
19:06
close
19:06
enough.
19:06
Like,
19:07
you're
19:08
just.
19:08
You're
19:08
at
19:08
arm's
19:09
length
19:09
because
19:09
you,
19:10
you
19:10
know,
19:10
in
19:10
your
19:11
mind,
19:12
eventually
19:12
he's
19:13
leaving.
19:13
So
19:13
I
19:13
can't
19:14
get
19:14
close.
19:14
I
19:14
can't
19:15
open
19:15
up
19:15
my
19:15
heart.
19:15
I
19:16
can't
19:16
feel
19:16
that
19:16
joy.
19:17
I
19:17
can't,
19:18
like,
19:18
have
19:19
that
19:19
true
19:19
connection.
19:22
Because
19:22
you're
19:22
afraid
19:22
it's
19:23
going
19:23
to
19:23
be
19:23
over.
19:24
Yeah,
19:27
it's.
19:27
I
19:27
mean,
19:28
it's
19:28
not
19:28
healed
19:29
at
19:29
the
19:29
time.
19:31
That's
19:32
another
19:32
story
19:33
Coming
19:33
back
19:33
recent
19:34
like
19:34
a
19:35
few
19:35
years
19:35
back
19:36
story
19:37
like
19:38
you
19:38
know,
19:39
after.
19:39
So
19:40
since
19:40
then
19:40
I
19:41
started
19:41
reading
19:41
all
19:42
kinds
19:42
of
19:43
spiritual
19:43
book.
19:45
I
19:45
bought
19:45
book
19:46
after
19:46
book
19:46
after
19:46
book,
19:47
just
19:47
reading,
19:48
reading,
19:48
reading.
19:48
And
19:48
then
19:49
I
19:49
met
19:50
a
19:50
book
19:51
of
19:52
David
19:53
Hawkins,
19:54
I
19:54
don't
19:54
know
19:54
if
19:54
you
19:54
heard
19:55
of
19:55
him.
19:56
And
19:56
he
19:56
became
19:57
my
19:57
spiritual
19:58
teacher.
19:59
I
19:59
just
20:00
stick
20:00
with
20:01
his
20:01
teaching
20:02
and
20:02
that's
20:03
how
20:03
I
20:03
came
20:04
busy
20:05
to
20:05
Sedona
20:06
first
20:06
time
20:07
to
20:07
attend
20:07
one
20:08
of
20:08
his
20:08
lecture.
20:09
And
20:10
also
20:10
I
20:11
met
20:11
my
20:11
ex
20:11
husband
20:12
through
20:12
that
20:13
event.
20:15
So
20:15
you
20:16
know,
20:16
it
20:17
was
20:17
like
20:19
much
20:19
more
20:20
intense
20:20
work.
20:21
Since
20:21
I
20:22
discovered
20:22
his
20:22
work,
20:23
it's
20:24
basically
20:25
what
20:25
he's
20:25
teaching
20:25
is
20:26
really
20:27
surrendering
20:28
this
20:28
more
20:29
self
20:29
completely
20:30
to
20:30
God
20:31
and
20:31
accepting
20:32
who
20:32
I
20:32
really
20:33
am,
20:33
you
20:33
know?
20:34
Right.
20:34
Surrender,
20:35
practicing.
20:36
That's
20:36
what
20:36
I
20:36
was
20:36
doing.
20:37
And
20:37
my
20:38
life
20:38
started
20:38
to
20:38
change
20:39
a
20:39
lot.
20:40
Like
20:41
I
20:41
was
20:41
a
20:41
teacher
20:42
and
20:42
education
20:43
consultant
20:43
in
20:43
South
20:44
Korea
20:44
on
20:45
almost
20:45
20
20:45
years.
20:46
And
20:46
then,
20:47
you
20:47
know,
20:47
I've
20:48
never
20:49
traveled
20:49
overseas
20:50
until
20:50
I
20:51
come
20:51
to
20:51
Sedona.
20:52
But
20:52
after
20:53
that
20:53
I
20:53
went
20:53
to
20:54
Spain
20:54
to
20:54
walk
20:54
Camino.
20:55
And
20:56
then
20:57
after
20:57
that
20:57
I
20:57
went
20:58
to
20:58
Sri
20:58
Lanka
20:59
to
20:59
you
20:59
know,
21:00
work
21:00
as
21:00
volunteer
21:01
for
21:01
two
21:01
years
21:01
there.
21:02
And
21:02
then
21:03
I
21:03
yeah
21:04
came
21:04
back
21:04
to
21:04
Korea,
21:05
I
21:05
worked
21:05
there
21:06
a
21:06
little
21:06
bit
21:06
more
21:07
as
21:07
education
21:07
consultant.
21:08
And
21:09
then
21:11
I
21:11
met
21:11
my
21:11
ex
21:12
husband
21:12
to
21:13
move
21:13
to
21:13
Sedona.
21:15
So
21:15
my
21:15
life
21:15
is
21:16
just
21:17
changed
21:17
direction
21:18
completely.
21:20
And
21:20
then
21:21
here
21:21
I
21:22
became,
21:22
I
21:23
mean
21:23
I
21:23
couldn't
21:23
speak
21:23
English
21:24
when
21:24
I
21:24
moved
21:24
here,
21:25
so
21:25
that
21:26
was
21:26
a
21:26
really
21:26
challenging
21:27
time.
21:27
But
21:28
became
21:29
a
21:29
mom
21:29
was
21:30
a
21:30
much
21:30
more
21:30
challenge.
21:31
The
21:31
biggest
21:31
challenge
21:32
in
21:32
my
21:32
life
21:32
actually.
21:33
Like
21:34
I
21:34
felt
21:35
like
21:35
I'm
21:36
all
21:36
alone
21:36
here.
21:36
No
21:37
support,
21:37
like
21:38
no
21:38
family
21:38
member
21:39
of
21:39
course
21:39
here.
21:40
And
21:41
my
21:41
English
21:42
was
21:42
not
21:42
good
21:43
enough.
21:44
I
21:44
cannot
21:44
communicate
21:45
how
21:45
I
21:45
feel
21:46
with
21:46
it,
21:46
you
21:47
know,
21:47
friend.
21:47
I
21:47
had
21:48
good
21:48
friends
21:48
here,
21:48
community.
21:49
But
21:50
still
21:50
I
21:50
felt
21:51
so
21:51
alone.
21:51
I
21:52
didn't
21:52
feel
21:52
like
21:53
supported
21:53
by
21:54
my
21:54
husband,
21:54
ex
21:55
husband.
21:56
So
21:57
it
21:57
the
21:57
first
21:58
year
21:58
when
21:59
my
21:59
son
21:59
was
22:00
born,
22:00
I
22:00
think
22:01
I
22:01
cried
22:01
every
22:02
day,
22:03
literally
22:04
every
22:04
day.
22:05
And
22:05
fighting
22:06
with
22:06
my
22:06
ex
22:06
husband
22:07
like
22:08
so
22:08
often
22:11
and
22:13
when
22:13
I
22:13
look
22:13
back,
22:14
like
22:14
I'm
22:14
really
22:14
sorry
22:15
for
22:15
my
22:15
son
22:16
like
22:16
you
22:16
know,
22:16
as
22:17
newborn
22:17
baby,
22:18
just
22:18
he's
22:19
hearing
22:20
that
22:20
we,
22:21
we
22:21
are
22:21
fighting,
22:22
arguing
22:22
all
22:22
the
22:23
time.
22:24
And
22:26
yeah,
22:27
so
22:27
many
22:27
things
22:27
happen.
22:28
And
22:28
my
22:28
ex
22:28
husband,
22:29
yeah
22:30
I
22:30
have
22:30
that
22:30
anger.
22:31
So
22:31
much
22:32
anger
22:32
came
22:33
toward,
22:33
came
22:34
out
22:34
towards
22:34
my
22:34
ex
22:35
husband.
22:35
But
22:36
later
22:36
what
22:37
I
22:37
realized
22:37
was
22:38
it
22:38
wasn't
22:38
really
22:39
anger,
22:39
it
22:39
was
22:40
a
22:40
fear
22:40
of
22:40
abandonment
22:42
because
22:42
my
22:42
ex
22:43
husband
22:43
used
22:44
to
22:44
ask
22:44
me
22:45
to
22:45
get
22:45
divorced
22:46
a
22:46
lot
22:47
from
22:47
beginning.
22:48
Okay,
22:49
yeah.
22:50
So
22:50
he
22:50
kind
22:50
of
22:50
kept
22:51
you
22:51
dangling
22:51
on
22:51
a
22:51
string
22:52
like
22:52
you
22:53
either
22:53
perform
22:53
and
22:53
be
22:54
the
22:54
good
22:54
wife
22:54
or
22:54
I'm
22:55
leaving
22:56
knowing
22:56
your
22:56
weakness
22:57
because
22:57
it
22:57
doesn't
22:58
matter.
22:58
People
22:58
know.
22:59
He
23:00
knew
23:00
that
23:00
was
23:00
something
23:01
that
23:01
scared
23:01
you.
23:02
Yeah,
23:03
yeah.
23:04
And
23:04
he
23:04
used
23:04
that.
23:05
But
23:05
the
23:05
good
23:05
news
23:06
is,
23:06
how
23:06
old's
23:06
your
23:06
son
23:07
now?
23:07
He's
23:08
almost
23:09
six.
23:10
I
23:10
was
23:10
gonna
23:11
say.
23:11
The
23:11
good
23:11
news
23:11
is
23:12
you
23:12
can
23:12
undo
23:12
all
23:13
that.
23:13
I
23:13
mean,
23:14
you
23:14
did
23:14
make
23:14
a
23:14
good
23:15
point
23:15
though.
23:15
And
23:15
I
23:15
am
23:15
going
23:16
to
23:16
bring
23:16
this
23:16
up
23:16
for
23:16
the
23:17
audience.
23:19
Children
23:19
absorb
23:20
everything.
23:20
And
23:20
they
23:20
don't
23:21
just
23:21
absorb
23:21
it
23:21
in
23:22
their
23:22
ears
23:22
and
23:22
their
23:22
mind,
23:23
they
23:23
absorb
23:23
it
23:24
in
23:24
their
23:24
bodies.
23:25
So
23:25
even
23:25
when
23:26
they're
23:26
little
23:26
kids,
23:27
there's
23:27
absolutely
23:28
nothing
23:28
wrong
23:28
with
23:29
doing
23:29
yoga
23:29
with
23:30
a
23:30
six
23:30
year
23:30
old
23:30
and
23:31
letting
23:31
him
23:32
tell
23:32
you
23:33
how
23:33
he's
23:33
feeling
23:33
and,
23:34
and
23:34
get
23:34
that
23:34
stuff
23:35
out
23:35
of
23:35
his
23:35
body
23:36
now
23:36
before
23:37
he's
23:38
26
23:38
and
23:39
he's
23:39
in
23:39
therapy
23:39
and
23:40
he's
23:40
saying,
23:40
well,
23:40
my
23:40
mom
23:40
and
23:41
dad
23:41
used
23:41
to
23:41
fight
23:41
a
23:41
lot.
23:42
Exactly,
23:43
exactly.
23:44
Yeah.
23:44
You
23:45
know,
23:45
that's
23:46
a,
23:46
that's
23:46
the
23:46
biggest
23:47
benefit
23:48
from
23:49
my
23:49
work,
23:49
my
23:50
own
23:50
work.
23:51
I
23:51
see
23:52
like,
23:53
you
23:53
know,
23:53
after
23:53
break,
23:54
after
23:54
divorce,
23:55
after
23:55
another
23:55
breakup.
23:56
That
23:57
breakup
23:57
really,
23:58
really
23:58
led
23:58
me
23:59
to
23:59
another,
24:00
another
24:00
rock
24:01
bottom.
24:02
Because
24:03
that
24:03
guy
24:04
came
24:04
into
24:04
my
24:05
life
24:05
when
24:05
I'm
24:05
really
24:06
struggling
24:07
by
24:07
the
24:07
divorce,
24:09
struggling
24:10
emotionally,
24:11
financially,
24:12
you
24:12
know,
24:12
everything.
24:13
And
24:13
he
24:13
came
24:14
in
24:14
with
24:15
so
24:16
many
24:16
like,
24:18
like
24:19
really
24:19
pink
24:20
color
24:21
promises.
24:21
Like,
24:22
you
24:23
don't
24:23
have
24:23
to
24:23
worry
24:24
about
24:24
it.
24:24
I'm
24:25
going
24:25
to
24:25
support
24:25
you,
24:26
I'm
24:26
going
24:26
to
24:26
help
24:27
you
24:27
to
24:27
build
24:27
your
24:27
business
24:28
and
24:29
I'm
24:29
gonna
24:29
support
24:30
your
24:30
son.
24:30
And
24:31
we
24:31
are.
24:32
It
24:32
was
24:32
so
24:33
like,
24:34
I
24:34
mean
24:35
I
24:36
definitely
24:36
saw
24:37
the
24:37
red
24:37
flag,
24:38
but
24:38
I
24:38
ignored
24:39
it.
24:40
You
24:40
know,
24:40
we
24:40
both
24:40
were
24:41
other
24:41
child,
24:42
we
24:42
both
24:43
had
24:43
so
24:44
much
24:44
childhood
24:45
trauma
24:46
and
24:46
we
24:46
knew
24:47
each
24:47
other,
24:48
but
24:49
still
24:49
we
24:49
thought
24:50
we
24:50
can
24:51
work
24:51
on
24:51
it
24:51
together.
24:53
But
24:53
he
24:54
walked
24:54
away
24:54
in
24:55
a
24:55
pretty
24:56
quick,
24:56
like
24:57
in
24:57
a
24:57
few
24:57
months
24:57
he
24:58
walked
24:58
away
24:59
and
25:00
I
25:00
went,
25:00
I
25:01
hit
25:01
another
25:01
rock
25:02
bottom.
25:02
I
25:02
was
25:03
really,
25:03
really
25:03
in
25:03
dark
25:04
place.
25:04
I
25:04
don't
25:05
know
25:05
what
25:05
to
25:05
do.
25:08
So
25:08
I.
25:09
One
25:09
night
25:10
I
25:10
woke
25:10
up,
25:10
middle
25:11
of
25:11
the
25:11
night,
25:12
just
25:13
crying.
25:13
Couldn't
25:14
sleep.
25:15
I
25:15
was
25:16
crying,
25:16
crying,
25:16
crying
25:17
hours.
25:18
And
25:18
then
25:18
finally
25:19
I
25:19
just
25:19
kneel
25:20
down.
25:21
Not
25:21
by
25:21
my
25:22
will,
25:22
it's
25:23
just
25:23
my
25:23
body,
25:24
you
25:24
know,
25:24
just
25:24
collapsed
25:25
onto
25:25
the
25:25
ground.
25:27
And
25:28
what
25:28
I
25:28
said,
25:30
even
25:31
I
25:31
cannot
25:31
ask
25:32
help
25:32
me.
25:33
I
25:33
don't
25:33
know,
25:34
you
25:34
know,
25:34
I
25:34
don't
25:35
know
25:35
even
25:35
if
25:35
you
25:35
can
25:36
help
25:36
me.
25:37
I
25:37
don't
25:37
feel
25:38
any
25:38
hope.
25:39
There
25:39
is
25:39
no
25:40
hope.
25:40
I
25:40
feel
25:41
completely
25:41
dark.
25:44
So
25:44
I
25:44
told
25:45
God
25:46
that
25:46
I
25:47
believe
25:47
and
25:49
okay,
25:49
I
25:49
don't
25:50
know
25:50
why
25:50
I'm
25:50
experiencing
25:51
this.
25:51
I
25:52
don't
25:52
know
25:52
why
25:52
I
25:52
have
25:52
to
25:52
go
25:53
through
25:53
this
25:53
pain.
25:54
Probably
25:55
I
25:55
did
25:56
something
25:57
similar
25:58
to
25:58
others
25:58
in
25:59
the
25:59
other
25:59
lifetimes.
26:00
But
26:00
whatever
26:01
the
26:01
reason
26:01
is,
26:02
if
26:02
I
26:03
have
26:03
to
26:03
live
26:04
with
26:04
this
26:05
pain,
26:06
rest
26:06
of
26:06
this
26:06
life,
26:08
I
26:08
will
26:08
accept
26:08
it.
26:11
So
26:11
you
26:11
just
26:11
surrendered.
26:12
You
26:13
just
26:13
surrendered.
26:14
That
26:14
was
26:15
a
26:15
complete
26:15
surrender.
26:16
And
26:17
that's
26:17
what
26:18
brought
26:18
me
26:19
to
26:19
complete
26:20
opposite
26:20
side.
26:22
Wow.
26:23
As
26:23
soon
26:23
as
26:24
I
26:24
say
26:25
that,
26:25
I
26:25
say
26:26
it
26:26
out
26:26
loud
26:27
by
26:27
myself,
26:28
just
26:28
in
26:28
the
26:28
room,
26:28
you
26:29
know,
26:29
okay,
26:31
let
26:31
me
26:32
just
26:32
live
26:32
with
26:32
this
26:33
pain.
26:33
I
26:33
will
26:34
accept
26:34
it
26:35
and
26:35
I
26:36
still
26:36
trust
26:36
you.
26:38
And
26:38
then
26:39
all
26:39
of
26:39
a
26:39
sudden
26:41
it's
26:41
very
26:42
similar
26:42
what
26:42
people
26:43
like
26:43
a
26:43
near
26:43
death
26:44
experience,
26:45
you
26:45
know
26:46
that
26:46
description.
26:48
So
26:48
I
26:48
felt
26:48
like
26:49
I
26:49
lifted
26:49
up
26:50
into
26:50
the
26:50
light
26:51
from
26:51
that
26:51
darkness
26:53
and
26:54
I
26:54
felt
26:54
presence
26:55
of
26:55
Jesus,
26:56
which
26:57
I
26:57
felt
26:57
like
26:57
unconditional
26:58
love.
26:59
And
26:59
then
27:01
you
27:01
know,
27:01
it's
27:01
like
27:01
in
27:02
a
27:02
voice
27:02
like
27:05
you
27:05
are
27:05
never
27:06
alone.
27:08
I
27:08
was
27:08
with
27:08
you
27:09
whole
27:09
time,
27:11
I
27:11
was
27:11
holding
27:12
you
27:12
whole
27:12
time.
27:13
And
27:14
then
27:14
what
27:14
I
27:14
saw
27:15
was
27:15
really
27:16
like
27:16
that
27:17
unconditional
27:18
love
27:18
that
27:18
I'm
27:19
experiencing.
27:20
That's
27:20
not
27:21
something
27:21
out
27:22
there,
27:23
it's
27:24
in
27:24
me.
27:25
And
27:27
I'm
27:27
part
27:28
of
27:28
that
27:28
unconditional
27:29
love.
27:30
I'm
27:30
part
27:30
of
27:30
that
27:31
light.
27:32
And
27:32
I
27:32
was
27:32
just
27:33
so
27:33
much
27:34
in
27:35
pain
27:35
because
27:36
I
27:36
was
27:37
looking
27:37
for
27:37
that
27:38
love
27:39
from
27:39
outside,
27:40
from
27:40
wrong
27:40
places,
27:41
from
27:42
wrong
27:42
people.
27:44
No
27:44
one
27:44
can
27:44
give
27:45
this
27:45
to
27:45
me.
27:46
And
27:47
I
27:48
was
27:48
completely
27:49
buried
27:49
that
27:51
by
27:52
the
27:52
fear
27:52
of
27:53
abandonment,
27:54
right?
27:55
Fear
27:55
of
27:55
rejection,
27:56
fear
27:56
of
27:56
being
27:57
alone.
27:58
So
27:58
I
27:58
didn't
27:59
see,
28:00
I
28:00
didn't
28:00
feel
28:01
that
28:01
love
28:01
in
28:02
me.
28:02
But
28:02
that
28:02
moment
28:03
I
28:03
completely
28:04
could
28:04
see
28:05
that
28:05
it's
28:06
within
28:06
me,
28:06
nothing
28:07
to
28:07
do
28:07
with
28:07
others.
28:08
And
28:08
then
28:09
I
28:09
was
28:09
just
28:09
so
28:10
happy
28:10
to
28:11
even
28:11
like
28:11
I
28:11
could
28:12
see
28:12
my
28:12
exes
28:13
in
28:13
my
28:14
imagination
28:14
like
28:15
thank
28:16
you.
28:16
Thank
28:16
you
28:17
for
28:17
giving
28:17
me
28:17
this
28:17
opportunity.
28:18
Thank
28:18
you
28:19
for
28:19
giving
28:19
me
28:20
this
28:20
time,
28:21
painful
28:22
time
28:22
so
28:22
I
28:22
can
28:23
experience
28:23
this
28:24
finally.
28:25
I
28:25
can
28:25
find
28:26
this
28:26
truth
28:27
that
28:27
I
28:27
was
28:27
knowing
28:28
only
28:28
as
28:29
intellectual
28:30
information.
28:31
Now
28:31
I
28:32
know
28:33
that
28:33
experientially,
28:34
I
28:35
know
28:35
what
28:35
that
28:35
means.
28:36
I
28:36
cannot
28:36
find
28:37
the
28:37
love
28:37
from
28:37
others.
28:38
I
28:39
found
28:39
it
28:39
in
28:40
me.
28:41
I
28:41
love
28:41
it.
28:41
I
28:42
absolutely
28:42
love
28:42
it.
28:43
It's
28:43
so
28:43
powerful
28:44
because
28:44
it's
28:45
so
28:45
true.
28:46
I
28:46
mean
28:46
we're
28:46
all
28:47
looking
28:47
and
28:47
especially
28:48
when
28:48
you
28:48
aren't
28:49
treated
28:49
well
28:49
when
28:50
you're
28:50
young,
28:50
you
28:50
spend
28:51
your
28:51
whole
28:51
life
28:52
searching
28:53
for
28:53
someone
28:53
to
28:54
fill
28:54
those
28:54
voids.
28:55
And
28:55
you're
28:55
the
28:56
only
28:56
one
28:56
that
28:56
can
28:56
do
28:56
it.
28:57
You're
28:57
the
28:58
only
28:58
one
28:58
that
28:58
can
28:58
wake
28:58
up
28:58
in
28:59
the
28:59
morning
28:59
and
28:59
say,
28:59
thank
29:00
you
29:00
God
29:00
for
29:00
giving
29:00
me
29:01
another
29:01
day.
29:01
What
29:02
am
29:02
I
29:02
going
29:02
to
29:02
do
29:02
today
29:02
to
29:03
make
29:03
my
29:03
day
29:03
a
29:03
little
29:03
brighter?
29:04
What
29:04
am
29:04
I
29:05
going
29:05
to
29:05
do
29:05
today?
29:05
What
29:05
am
29:06
I
29:06
going
29:06
to
29:06
do?
29:07
Not
29:08
what
29:08
are
29:08
you
29:08
going
29:08
to
29:08
do
29:09
for
29:09
me,
29:09
everybody
29:10
and
29:10
world.
29:11
But
29:12
I
29:12
absolutely
29:13
love
29:13
it.
29:14
And
29:15
so
29:15
then
29:16
it
29:16
just
29:16
kind
29:16
of
29:17
things
29:17
once,
29:17
you
29:18
know,
29:19
there's
29:19
so
29:19
many
29:20
little
29:20
and
29:21
that's
29:21
not
29:21
a
29:21
little
29:21
mind
29:22
shift.
29:24
Don't,
29:24
don't.
29:24
It's
29:25
not
29:25
little.
29:25
But
29:26
I'm
29:26
saying
29:26
there's
29:26
so
29:26
many
29:27
little
29:27
ones
29:27
like
29:28
that
29:28
that
29:28
all
29:28
of
29:28
a
29:29
sudden
29:29
it's
29:29
like
29:29
I
29:29
said,
29:29
it's
29:30
like
29:30
that
29:30
epiphany.
29:31
Like,
29:31
oh,
29:31
my
29:32
God,
29:32
like,
29:33
what
29:33
have
29:33
I
29:33
been
29:34
doing?
29:34
You
29:34
know
29:34
what
29:35
I
29:35
mean?
29:35
And
29:35
it's.
29:36
That
29:36
is
29:37
beautiful.
29:40
That's
29:40
what
29:40
I'm
29:41
seeing.
29:41
Like,
29:42
I.
29:43
I
29:43
really,
29:44
you
29:44
know,
29:44
I
29:44
used
29:45
to
29:45
say,
29:45
like
29:46
a
29:46
declaration
29:47
that
29:47
I
29:47
am
29:47
statement.
29:48
For
29:49
years,
29:50
my
29:50
personal
29:51
line
29:51
was,
29:51
I
29:52
am
29:52
a
29:52
holy
29:52
child
29:53
of
29:53
God.
29:53
I
29:53
am
29:54
complete
29:54
and
29:54
whole.
29:55
But
29:55
that's
29:56
exactly
29:56
what
29:57
I
29:57
experienced
29:57
at
29:58
the
29:58
moment.
29:59
And
30:00
when
30:00
I
30:00
look
30:01
back,
30:01
actually,
30:02
you
30:02
know,
30:02
everything
30:03
makes
30:03
sense
30:04
now
30:04
because
30:05
like
30:05
three
30:05
years
30:05
ago,
30:07
one
30:07
day
30:07
when
30:07
I
30:08
yelled
30:08
at
30:08
my
30:08
son
30:09
in
30:09
the
30:09
car
30:09
because
30:10
he
30:10
was
30:10
crying,
30:11
I
30:12
looked
30:12
in
30:12
his
30:13
eyes
30:13
and.
30:14
And
30:14
I
30:14
saw
30:14
my
30:15
little
30:15
girl
30:15
in
30:16
there
30:17
that
30:18
afraid
30:18
of
30:18
losing
30:19
mommy,
30:20
that
30:20
afraid
30:21
of
30:21
being
30:21
abandoned.
30:22
And
30:23
I
30:23
know
30:23
that
30:24
pain
30:24
so
30:24
well.
30:24
So
30:25
I
30:25
didn't
30:25
really
30:25
want
30:26
my
30:26
son
30:26
grow
30:26
up
30:27
with
30:27
that
30:27
pain.
30:28
So
30:28
I
30:28
made
30:29
it
30:29
really.
30:29
Inner
30:30
commitment,
30:31
like,
30:31
I
30:31
don't
30:32
know
30:32
what
30:32
I
30:32
can
30:32
do.
30:33
I
30:33
think
30:33
I
30:33
do
30:34
everything
30:34
I
30:34
can.
30:35
So
30:35
I
30:35
don't
30:36
know
30:36
I
30:36
can
30:36
do
30:36
more
30:37
here.
30:37
But
30:37
I
30:37
am
30:38
really
30:38
committed
30:38
to
30:38
be
30:39
a
30:39
different
30:39
moment.
30:40
I'm
30:40
not
30:40
going
30:40
to
30:41
be
30:41
the
30:41
mom
30:42
that
30:42
I
30:42
grew
30:42
up
30:43
with.
30:44
So
30:44
that
30:45
commitment
30:46
brought
30:46
me
30:47
so
30:47
many
30:48
events,
30:49
which
30:49
can
30:49
break
30:50
me,
30:50
crank
30:51
me
30:51
open
30:53
so
30:53
I
30:53
can
30:53
really
30:54
see
30:54
who
30:55
I
30:55
really
30:55
am.
30:56
So
30:57
all
30:57
the
30:57
events,
30:58
what
30:58
I
30:58
experienced
30:59
after
30:59
that,
30:59
which
31:00
was
31:00
a
31:00
painful
31:01
surface
31:01
level,
31:02
but
31:03
every
31:03
event
31:05
le
31:05
me
31:07
discover
31:07
layer
31:08
after
31:09
layer
31:09
after
31:09
layer.
31:10
And
31:11
I
31:11
finally
31:12
see
31:12
me
31:13
as,
31:14
yeah,
31:14
I
31:15
am
31:15
a
31:15
child
31:16
of
31:16
God.
31:17
So
31:17
that.
31:18
That
31:18
identity
31:19
shift
31:20
that
31:21
brought
31:21
us
31:21
so
31:21
much
31:22
different,
31:23
so
31:24
much
31:24
changes
31:25
my
31:25
relationship
31:26
with
31:26
my
31:26
son.
31:27
And
31:27
like
31:27
you
31:28
said,
31:28
you
31:29
know,
31:29
I
31:29
know
31:29
he's
31:30
probably
31:30
holding
31:30
a
31:31
lot
31:31
in
31:31
his
31:31
body
31:32
because
31:32
we
31:32
had
31:32
so
31:33
many
31:33
conflicts,
31:34
so
31:34
many
31:34
times.
31:35
Conflict.
31:37
But
31:37
now
31:38
we
31:38
have
31:38
a
31:38
bedtime
31:39
ritual
31:40
like
31:41
we
31:41
lit
31:42
the
31:42
cat
31:42
light
31:42
the
31:42
candle,
31:43
and
31:43
we're
31:43
talking
31:44
about
31:44
our
31:44
feelings,
31:45
what
31:46
we
31:46
experience
31:47
during
31:47
this
31:47
day.
31:48
Yeah,
31:49
I
31:49
mean,
31:49
he's
31:49
young.
31:50
He's
31:50
young.
31:50
There
31:51
is
31:51
so
31:51
much
31:51
time
31:51
he's
31:52
not
31:52
going
31:52
to
31:52
remember.
31:52
You
31:53
know,
31:53
he's.
31:53
You're
31:54
going
31:54
to
31:54
bring
31:54
that
31:54
subconscious
31:55
anything
31:55
that's
31:55
already
31:56
stuck
31:56
in
31:56
his
31:56
little
31:57
body,
31:57
and
31:57
you're
31:57
going
31:57
to
31:57
bring
31:57
it
31:58
out.
31:58
He's
31:58
only
31:58
six
31:58
years
31:59
old.
31:59
You're
32:00
going
32:00
to
32:00
bring
32:00
it
32:00
out
32:00
of
32:00
him
32:01
and
32:01
you're
32:01
going
32:01
to.
32:02
He's
32:02
going
32:02
to
32:02
be
32:02
fine.
32:03
I
32:03
mean,
32:03
100%.
32:04
I
32:04
was
32:04
just
32:05
more
32:05
kind
32:05
of
32:05
telling
32:05
the
32:06
people
32:06
that
32:06
were
32:06
out
32:06
there
32:06
listening
32:07
because
32:07
a
32:07
Lot
32:07
of
32:07
people,
32:07
like,
32:08
oh,
32:08
you
32:08
know,
32:08
because
32:09
I
32:09
don't
32:09
want
32:09
this
32:09
podcast
32:10
ever
32:10
to
32:11
make
32:11
people
32:12
feel
32:12
shame
32:13
for
32:13
them
32:13
to
32:13
get
32:14
off
32:14
the
32:14
podcast
32:14
and
32:14
be
32:15
like,
32:15
oh,
32:15
I
32:15
yell
32:15
at
32:16
my
32:16
kid
32:16
all
32:16
the
32:16
time,
32:16
or
32:16
oh,
32:17
I
32:17
say
32:17
this
32:17
all
32:17
the
32:18
time.
32:19
You
32:19
can
32:19
undo
32:20
anything.
32:20
And
32:20
every,
32:21
as
32:21
a
32:21
parent,
32:22
every
32:22
time,
32:23
tiny
32:23
moment
32:24
that
32:24
you
32:24
spend
32:25
getting
32:25
better,
32:25
your
32:26
kids
32:26
see
32:26
that,
32:27
they
32:27
feel
32:27
that
32:27
energy
32:28
and
32:29
they're
32:29
taking
32:29
that
32:29
all
32:30
in.
32:30
And
32:31
the
32:32
best
32:32
thing
32:32
you
32:32
can
32:32
do
32:32
is
32:32
just
32:33
continue
32:33
to
32:33
walk
32:34
forward.
32:34
You
32:34
know,
32:34
you,
32:35
you
32:35
can't
32:36
like,
32:37
stop
32:37
focusing
32:38
on
32:38
the
32:38
past
32:38
and
32:38
just
32:39
continue
32:39
to
32:39
walk
32:40
forward
32:40
and
32:40
be
32:40
like
32:41
you
32:41
said,
32:41
be
32:41
the
32:41
best
32:41
person
32:42
you
32:42
can
32:42
be.
32:43
It
32:43
is,
32:43
it
32:44
is
32:44
amazing
32:44
though,
32:45
when
32:45
people
32:45
have
32:45
that
32:46
total
32:47
life
32:48
changing
32:48
situation
32:49
because,
32:49
like,
32:50
you
32:50
made
32:50
again,
32:50
you
32:50
made
32:51
a
32:51
couple
32:51
comments
32:51
like
32:52
you
32:52
could
32:52
turn
32:52
around
32:53
now
32:53
at
32:53
your
32:53
ex
32:54
husband
32:54
who
32:54
you
32:54
had
32:55
so,
32:55
so
32:55
much
32:56
animosity
32:56
and
32:56
so
32:57
much
32:57
hatred
32:57
to,
32:58
and
32:58
you're
32:58
thanking
32:59
them
32:59
for
32:59
the
33:00
opportunity
33:00
to
33:00
like,
33:01
give
33:01
me
33:01
this
33:01
experience
33:02
so
33:02
I
33:02
can
33:02
learn
33:02
from
33:02
it,
33:03
so
33:03
I
33:03
can
33:03
grow
33:04
like
33:04
that.
33:05
That's
33:05
a
33:06
totally
33:06
different
33:06
you.
33:07
Yeah,
33:08
that's
33:08
true.
33:09
You
33:10
know,
33:10
that's.
33:10
And
33:11
that's
33:11
really
33:11
what
33:11
it
33:12
takes
33:12
you
33:13
when
33:13
you're
33:13
in
33:13
that
33:14
victim
33:14
mode,
33:15
you
33:16
don't
33:16
have
33:16
the
33:16
capacity
33:17
to
33:17
have
33:18
compassion
33:18
and
33:18
empathy
33:19
for
33:20
anybody
33:20
else.
33:21
But
33:21
once
33:21
you
33:21
can
33:22
even
33:22
like.
33:22
I
33:22
remember
33:23
the
33:23
moment
33:23
that
33:23
I
33:24
could
33:24
see
33:24
my
33:25
mother
33:25
as
33:26
a
33:26
young
33:26
child,
33:27
abused
33:28
and
33:28
abandoned,
33:29
and
33:30
then
33:30
all
33:30
of
33:30
a
33:30
sudden
33:30
I
33:30
was
33:30
like,
33:31
well,
33:31
she
33:31
didn't
33:31
know
33:31
any
33:32
better.
33:33
But
33:33
when
33:33
I
33:33
was
33:34
angry,
33:34
I
33:34
couldn't
33:35
see
33:35
that.
33:36
Right?
33:37
And
33:37
when
33:37
you
33:37
can't
33:38
see
33:38
that,
33:38
you
33:39
hold
33:39
on
33:39
to
33:39
all
33:39
that
33:40
and
33:40
that's
33:40
where
33:40
the
33:41
damage
33:41
is
33:41
done,
33:42
the
33:42
physiological
33:43
damage.
33:43
Like
33:44
you
33:44
said,
33:44
you
33:44
know,
33:44
you
33:45
let
33:45
go
33:45
of
33:45
that
33:45
and
33:45
you
33:46
stop
33:46
getting
33:46
sick
33:46
all
33:47
the
33:47
time.
33:47
I
33:47
mean,
33:48
I
33:48
was
33:48
18,
33:48
I
33:48
had
33:49
bleeding
33:49
ulcers.
33:50
I
33:50
mean,
33:50
vomiting
33:51
blood
33:51
just
33:52
from
33:52
stress.
33:54
And
33:54
it
33:54
wasn't
33:55
until
33:56
I
33:57
could
33:57
just
33:57
be
33:57
like,
33:58
she
33:58
didn't
33:58
know
33:59
any
33:59
better.
33:59
Why
33:59
am
33:59
I
34:00
holding
34:00
on
34:00
to
34:00
this
34:01
anger?
34:01
Like,
34:01
why
34:02
don't
34:02
I
34:02
just
34:02
focus
34:02
on
34:03
moving
34:03
forward
34:03
and
34:04
becoming
34:04
a
34:04
better
34:05
me
34:05
instead
34:06
of
34:06
holding
34:06
on
34:06
to
34:07
that
34:07
hatred
34:07
and
34:07
that
34:08
anger?
34:09
So,
34:09
yeah,
34:10
it's,
34:10
it's
34:10
an
34:11
amazing
34:11
experience.
34:12
It's
34:12
great.
34:13
So,
34:15
so
34:15
tell
34:15
people.
34:15
Tell
34:16
me
34:16
what
34:16
you
34:16
do
34:16
now.
34:17
Like,
34:17
how
34:17
do
34:17
you
34:17
work
34:18
with
34:18
people?
34:18
Where
34:19
do
34:19
you.
34:19
Where
34:19
can
34:19
they
34:20
find
34:20
you?
34:22
Yeah.
34:23
Now,
34:23
so
34:24
after
34:24
that
34:24
experience,
34:25
I
34:25
really,
34:27
it
34:28
came
34:28
to
34:29
me
34:30
so,
34:30
so
34:30
strong.
34:31
Like,
34:31
I
34:31
really
34:32
want
34:32
to
34:32
help
34:32
mom
34:33
because
34:33
I
34:33
want
34:34
all
34:34
the
34:34
kids
34:35
grow
34:35
up
34:36
with
34:36
feeling
34:36
of
34:37
safety
34:38
and
34:38
being
34:39
loved
34:40
and
34:41
that
34:41
I
34:41
didn't
34:42
have
34:42
as
34:42
a
34:42
child.
34:42
I
34:43
longed
34:44
for,
34:44
like,
34:45
so
34:45
deeply.
34:47
So
34:48
Now
34:48
I
34:48
see
34:48
my
34:49
son
34:49
that
34:50
like,
34:50
between
34:51
him
34:51
and
34:52
me,
34:52
the
34:53
connection
34:53
is
34:53
totally
34:54
different
34:54
than
34:54
we
34:55
had
34:55
before.
34:56
So
34:57
it's
34:57
not
34:57
like
34:57
I'm
34:57
perfect.
34:58
I'm
34:58
still
34:58
angry,
34:59
you
34:59
know,
35:01
but
35:01
it's
35:01
a
35:02
communication.
35:03
I
35:04
can
35:04
communicate
35:04
about
35:05
my
35:05
feelings
35:05
instead
35:06
of
35:06
just
35:06
exploding.
35:08
So
35:10
I
35:10
wanted
35:11
to
35:11
help
35:11
mom.
35:11
So
35:12
now
35:12
I'm
35:12
really
35:13
focusing
35:13
on
35:13
helping
35:14
mom
35:14
especially
35:15
who
35:15
have
35:15
done
35:16
a
35:16
lot
35:16
of
35:16
inner
35:17
work
35:17
but
35:18
still
35:19
end
35:19
up
35:19
yelling
35:20
and
35:20
feeling
35:21
guilt.
35:22
And
35:23
you
35:23
know,
35:24
my
35:24
friends,
35:25
mom
35:25
friends
35:26
around
35:26
me
35:26
or
35:27
I'm
35:28
hearing
35:28
online
35:29
a
35:29
lot,
35:29
like,
35:31
I
35:31
don't
35:31
think
35:32
that's
35:32
wrong.
35:32
Like
35:32
we
35:32
are
35:33
saying
35:33
that's
35:33
okay.
35:33
We
35:34
are
35:34
just
35:34
human.
35:35
Right.
35:35
You
35:36
know,
35:36
that's
35:36
not
35:37
wrong.
35:38
But
35:38
what
35:38
I
35:39
want
35:39
to
35:39
say
35:39
is
35:39
we
35:40
are
35:40
not
35:40
just
35:40
a
35:40
human,
35:41
we
35:41
are
35:41
mom.
35:42
We
35:43
are
35:43
lazy,
35:43
tiny
35:44
human
35:44
being
35:45
into
35:45
someone
35:46
like,
35:46
who
35:47
can
35:47
really
35:48
lead
35:48
the
35:49
world
35:49
in
35:49
the
35:50
future,
35:50
you
35:50
know,
35:51
so
35:51
we
35:52
can
35:52
be
35:52
better
35:53
and
35:53
there's
35:53
a
35:54
way
35:54
we
35:54
can
35:55
be
35:55
better
35:55
version
35:55
of
35:56
ourselves.
35:57
And
35:57
I
35:58
can
35:58
help
35:58
with
35:59
that.
35:59
And
36:01
also
36:01
I'm
36:01
offering
36:02
complimentary
36:03
session.
36:04
So
36:04
if
36:04
you
36:04
go
36:05
Visit
36:05
my
36:05
website,
36:06
sedonacoat.com
36:08
There
36:09
is
36:10
the,
36:11
you
36:12
can
36:12
schedule
36:13
the
36:13
complimentary
36:14
session
36:14
from
36:15
there.
36:16
Okay.
36:16
And
36:16
I
36:17
will
36:17
put
36:17
that
36:17
in
36:17
the
36:17
show
36:17
notes
36:18
so
36:18
people,
36:18
you
36:18
can
36:18
just
36:19
jump
36:19
down
36:19
there
36:19
and
36:19
grab
36:20
that
36:20
in
36:21
the
36:21
show
36:21
notes
36:21
because
36:22
it
36:22
never
36:22
hurts
36:23
just
36:23
to
36:23
talk
36:23
to
36:23
someone
36:24
if
36:24
you're
36:24
feeling
36:24
a
36:25
little
36:25
lost,
36:25
if
36:25
you're
36:25
feeling
36:26
a
36:26
little,
36:27
a
36:27
little
36:27
rough,
36:28
if
36:28
you're
36:28
feeling
36:29
like,
36:29
you
36:29
know,
36:29
if
36:30
you're
36:30
feeling
36:30
any
36:30
of
36:30
that
36:30
guilt
36:31
and
36:31
shame.
36:31
And
36:31
I,
36:32
I
36:32
know
36:32
it.
36:32
I
36:33
think
36:33
back
36:33
to
36:33
the
36:33
times
36:34
I
36:34
said
36:34
things
36:34
to
36:34
my
36:35
kids
36:35
and
36:35
I'm
36:35
like,
36:35
ah,
36:36
why
36:36
did
36:36
I
36:36
say
36:37
that?
36:37
And
36:37
then
36:37
you
36:37
spend
36:38
the
36:38
whole
36:38
rest
36:38
of
36:38
the
36:38
day
36:39
beating
36:39
yourself
36:39
up.
36:40
And
36:40
then
36:41
most
36:41
likely
36:42
what
36:42
you
36:42
do
36:43
is
36:43
you
36:43
do
36:43
the
36:43
exact
36:44
opposite
36:44
of
36:44
what
36:45
you
36:45
should
36:45
do.
36:45
And
36:46
to
36:46
make
36:46
up
36:46
for
36:46
it,
36:47
you
36:47
over
36:47
give
36:48
and
36:48
you
36:48
over
36:48
spoil
36:49
and
36:49
you
36:49
have
36:50
no
36:50
boundaries.
36:51
And
36:51
you
36:51
do
36:51
all
36:52
that
36:52
because
36:53
you
36:53
want
36:53
to
36:53
be
36:53
that
36:54
perfect
36:54
mom
36:54
and
36:54
have
36:55
your
36:55
kids
36:55
love
36:55
you.
36:55
And
36:56
it's
36:56
not
36:56
about
36:56
that.
36:56
It's
36:57
about
36:57
raising
36:57
healthy,
36:58
happy,
36:58
well
36:59
adjusted,
37:00
emotionally
37:00
intelligent
37:01
children.
37:03
And
37:03
that's
37:03
what
37:04
the
37:04
goal
37:04
is.
37:05
So.
37:05
Yes.
37:06
Yeah.
37:07
So
37:07
reach
37:07
out.
37:08
And
37:08
I
37:08
mean,
37:08
I
37:09
can,
37:09
my
37:09
friend.
37:11
People
37:12
will
37:12
say
37:12
to
37:12
me,
37:12
oh,
37:12
my
37:13
kid
37:13
told
37:13
me
37:13
they
37:13
hated
37:14
me.
37:14
I'm
37:14
like,
37:14
well,
37:14
they
37:15
haven't
37:15
told
37:15
you
37:15
that
37:15
at
37:16
least
37:16
once.
37:16
You
37:16
haven't,
37:16
you're
37:17
not,
37:17
you're
37:17
not
37:17
setting
37:18
any
37:18
boundaries
37:18
then.
37:19
Because
37:19
kids
37:19
have
37:19
to
37:20
express
37:20
themselves.
37:21
They
37:21
have
37:21
to
37:21
get
37:21
mad,
37:22
they
37:22
have
37:22
to
37:22
get
37:22
angry.
37:23
But
37:23
if
37:23
you've
37:24
never
37:24
gotten
37:25
them
37:25
to
37:25
the
37:25
point
37:25
where
37:25
they're
37:26
mad,
37:26
at
37:26
you.
37:28
Their
37:28
problem.
37:30
There's
37:30
probably
37:30
not
37:30
a
37:31
lot
37:31
of
37:31
structure
37:31
in
37:32
your
37:32
house.
37:33
That's
37:34
so
37:34
true.
37:34
Yeah.
37:36
And
37:36
I
37:36
mean,
37:37
my
37:37
kids
37:37
now
37:37
are
37:37
21,
37:38
28,
37:39
and
37:39
30.
37:39
And
37:40
I
37:40
have
37:40
a
37:40
great
37:40
relationship
37:41
with
37:41
all
37:41
of
37:41
them.
37:42
Did
37:42
I
37:42
make
37:42
mistakes?
37:43
Absolutely.
37:43
Did
37:44
I
37:44
ever
37:44
try
37:44
to
37:44
say
37:45
I
37:45
was
37:45
perfect?
37:45
Absolutely
37:46
not.
37:47
But
37:48
I
37:48
let
37:48
them
37:48
know
37:48
they
37:48
were
37:48
loved
37:49
and,
37:50
you
37:50
know,
37:51
and
37:51
I.
37:51
And
37:52
they
37:52
watched
37:52
me
37:52
do
37:52
the
37:52
work.
37:53
So
37:54
it's
37:54
a
37:55
good
37:55
place
37:55
to
37:55
be.
37:56
So
37:56
it
37:56
will.
37:56
You
37:57
said
37:57
it
37:57
was
37:57
SedonaCoaching.com
37:59
SedonaCoach.com
38:01
SedonaCoach.com
38:02
and
38:02
again,
38:03
I
38:03
will
38:03
put
38:03
that
38:03
in
38:03
the
38:03
show
38:04
notes
38:04
so
38:04
people
38:04
can
38:04
go
38:04
in
38:05
there
38:05
and
38:05
grab
38:05
your
38:06
link
38:06
and
38:07
go
38:07
visit
38:07
you
38:07
and
38:08
find
38:08
out
38:08
more
38:08
about
38:08
you.
38:09
In
38:09
the
38:09
meantime,
38:10
thank
38:10
you
38:10
for
38:11
coming.
38:11
I
38:11
so
38:12
appreciate
38:12
you.
38:13
Love
38:13
your
38:13
story.
38:14
That
38:14
was
38:14
very
38:14
heartwarming.
38:16
And
38:17
for
38:17
the
38:17
people
38:17
out
38:17
there
38:18
listening,
38:18
it
38:18
just
38:18
goes
38:19
to
38:19
show
38:19
that
38:19
there
38:20
is
38:20
hope.
38:20
I
38:21
mean,
38:21
you
38:22
just
38:22
went
38:22
through
38:22
three
38:23
rock
38:23
bottoms
38:23
with
38:24
us,
38:24
which
38:24
means
38:25
you
38:25
went
38:25
through
38:25
so
38:25
many
38:26
more
38:26
rock
38:26
bottoms
38:27
that
38:27
you
38:27
didn't
38:27
talk
38:27
about.
38:28
And
38:28
you're
38:28
here
38:29
smiling
38:29
and
38:29
standing.
38:30
I
38:30
get
38:31
it,
38:31
I
38:31
get
38:31
it.
38:32
We
38:32
don't
38:33
have
38:33
all
38:33
day,
38:33
right?
38:35
Yes.
38:36
But
38:37
can
38:37
you
38:37
give
38:37
the
38:38
audience
38:38
one
38:39
last
38:40
message
38:40
from
38:41
you?
38:41
Big
38:41
picture,
38:42
something
38:43
to
38:43
make
38:43
their
38:43
day
38:43
a
38:43
little
38:44
brighter.
38:44
What
38:44
would
38:45
it
38:45
be?
38:46
Yeah,
38:47
one
38:47
thing
38:48
I'm
38:48
doing
38:48
for
38:49
myself.
38:49
Like
38:50
when
38:50
I'm
38:50
feeling
38:51
something
38:52
uncomfortable,
38:54
I
38:54
imagine
38:55
like
38:56
my
38:56
body.
38:56
I
38:56
just
38:57
close
38:57
my
38:57
eyes,
38:58
pause,
38:59
and
39:00
imagine
39:02
the.
39:02
All
39:03
the
39:03
every
39:04
single
39:04
cells
39:05
in
39:05
my
39:05
body
39:06
are
39:06
listening
39:07
to
39:07
me
39:07
right
39:07
now
39:08
and
39:08
I'm
39:09
telling
39:11
we
39:11
are
39:11
safe.
39:14
Love
39:14
it.
39:15
Yeah,
39:15
love
39:15
it.
39:16
So
39:16
try
39:17
that.
39:17
When
39:17
you
39:17
use
39:18
your
39:18
voice,
39:19
literally,
39:20
when
39:20
you
39:20
talk
39:21
to
39:21
yourself,
39:21
even
39:22
every
39:22
single
39:23
cell,
39:24
trillions
39:25
of
39:25
cells
39:25
in
39:25
your
39:25
body
39:26
react
39:27
physiologically.
39:29
So
39:29
tell
39:29
you,
39:30
I
39:30
take
39:30
people
39:31
every
39:31
day.
39:31
That's
39:32
such
39:32
a
39:32
good,
39:32
such
39:33
a
39:33
good
39:33
tip
39:33
because
39:34
I
39:34
tell
39:34
people
39:34
every
39:35
day,
39:35
put
39:35
your
39:35
hand,
39:35
one
39:35
hand
39:36
on
39:36
your
39:36
heart,
39:36
one
39:36
hand
39:37
on
39:37
your
39:37
belly,
39:37
breathe
39:38
in
39:38
and
39:38
just
39:38
say,
39:38
I
39:39
am
39:39
safe.
39:39
I
39:39
am
39:39
loved.
39:40
I
39:40
am
39:40
more
39:41
than
39:41
enough.
39:43
Yeah.
39:44
So
39:44
thank
39:45
you
39:45
so
39:45
much
39:45
for
39:46
coming
39:46
on.
39:47
Thank
39:47
you
39:47
so
39:47
much
39:48
having
39:48
me.
39:48
And
39:49
I
39:49
really
39:49
enjoyed
39:50
our
39:51
conversation.
39:51
And
39:51
you're
39:52
a
39:52
great
39:52
host.
39:53
Oh,
39:54
thank
39:54
you.
39:54
Thank
39:54
you.
39:55
And
39:55
for
39:55
everybody
39:56
else
39:56
out
39:56
there
39:56
listening,
39:57
you
39:57
heard
39:57
it
39:57
from
39:57
the
39:57
mouth
39:58
of
39:58
babes.
39:58
I
39:58
mean,
39:59
what
39:59
a
39:59
heartwarming
40:00
story
40:00
of
40:01
hope.
40:01
And
40:02
let's,
40:02
like
40:02
I
40:02
said,
40:03
re
40:03
rock
40:04
bottoms.
40:04
And
40:04
look
40:05
at
40:05
that
40:05
smile
40:05
if
40:06
you're
40:06
not
40:06
looking
40:06
at
40:06
it
40:07
because
40:07
you're
40:07
listening
40:07
on
40:07
audio.
40:08
She
40:08
is
40:09
beaming
40:09
ear
40:10
to
40:10
ear
40:10
with
40:11
hope
40:11
and
40:11
joy
40:12
and
40:12
love
40:12
and
40:12
light.
40:13
So
40:13
you
40:13
can
40:14
too.
40:14
We'll
40:14
see
40:15
you
40:15
next
40:15
week.