Latest / Good Morning From The Chicken Coop! / Season 2 - Episode 31 - Expectations

Transcript

Season 2 - Episode 31 - Expectations · Good Morning From The Chicken Coop!

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  Welcome to the good morning from the chicken coop, podcast with
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  Kim Johnson, your creative strategist and master mindset.
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  Coach filled with inspiration, distinctions, perspectives and
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  possibilities. We help you to cultivate a
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  mindset that leads you to create the best version of yourself.
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  You could ever imagine join Kim. Every morning from one of her.
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  Favorite happy places her chicken coop, along with all her
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  chickens. Hey everybody.
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  Good morning from the chicken coop.
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  So let's talk about expectations boy.
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  Oh boy, is that a sore subject for so many people.
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  Our expectations get in the way often often often because we
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  don't share them with other people.
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  We have thoughts about how things should be done, and if
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  you're like me and you're a certainty girl, they sure are
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  abundant, I have lots of thoughts about how things should
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  be done, and I have to learn You put them in check because I
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  cannot put my expectations on everybody else.
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  And this shows up, let me just be very clear about this.
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  This shows up everywhere in lives in my life.
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  Especially like, I know, I have to work on it all the time
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  because my expectations can be off the rails.
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  You know, even I find myself having them throughout with my,
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  in my personal world, I'm not talking about my professional
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  work. Because with my clients, I have
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  an understanding that like, you know, I don't put expectations
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  on them like this. But with my personal world, oh
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  boy, I have expectations and I will allow them to get out of
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  hand sometimes and I have to bring them back into check and I
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  have to make sure that other people understand what my
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  expectations are so that they in fact know where I'm going to put
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  it on them or where I'm not going to put it on them.
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  It's really critically important to our happiness and our
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  well-being to First and what effects expectations have on
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  those around us? One, it's not fair, when people
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  don't know what you expect, you know, it's just, it's just not
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  fair. I've had stories over the years
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  clients who have said to me, you know, I lost relationships.
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  I've lost jobs, I've had all kinds of, you know, things come
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  about in my life because of missed expectations.
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  My husband always loves to tell me that the road to
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  disappointment. It is paved with missed
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  expectations and it is such a true statement because when we
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  have them and we just don't see them being met disappointment
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  and Susan. Then before you know it all of a
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  sudden we have a personal crisis about the whole thing and we and
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  we just get completely out of hand and it's one it's not fair
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  to those around us and it's just not fair in general when we put
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  those out to people and we try really hard to force outcomes on
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  them that they didn't even know. We're Can place in our head.
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  I don't know about you guys, but I will tell you that there are
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  times when I find myself, especially the people that are
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  closest to, we have expectations on them.
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  We think that they should show up a certain way and we secretly
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  wait for those things to happen and then we get disappointed
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  when they don't happen and then when you bring it up there like
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  I didn't even know you wanted that or I didn't even know that
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  was a thing. Why didn't you tell me?
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  And we say because we wanted you to just know women are notorious
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  for doing this to men. And I can get away with saying
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  that because I'm a woman and I am absolutely 1000% guilty of
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  doing that to my husband, where I will think that, you know, he
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  should know these things. And his head is not in that
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  place because he's in complete man mode and he's not paying
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  attention to any of that. Yet, I am paying attention to
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  every minor detail that is being missed.
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  And then what happens, I build up resentment from it.
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  And then I take that resentment and all of a sudden, becomes a
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  bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger.
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  And more complicated thing. So, what we have to look at this
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  point in our, in our, in our lives.
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  With all of this is to make a decision about the fact that we
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  will not allow ourselves to create expectations that are
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  outside of ourselves. So it's, I work daily to put my
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  expectations on me. I expect myself to do certain
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  things, I put that on me, I don't work on putting
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  expectations on others, and if I do Do I very clearly voice it to
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  them because the way to get control over this is to first
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  put your expectations on yourself.
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  If you can put them on yourself and you can get clear on them on
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  you then you have it you have much more control, much more
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  certainty, which is wonderful because I love certainty.
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  So I can rely on me doesn't mean I don't ask people for help
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  doesn't mean that I don't have things that I put out there.
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  It just means that I'm very clear with it.
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  I'm not harboring things, I'm not Hiding things.
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  I'm not keeping them internal and just waiting to see what
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  happens because that is not a great situation and believe me.
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  I've gone down that road in my personal world and it's never
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  ever fun. So I'm going to challenge you
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  guys to look at your expectations especially since
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  it's the beginning of the year and you have all kinds of things
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  that are on your goal list, or what, your intentions, whatever
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  you want to call them. But look at the expectations
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  that you're putting on other people and see if they are.
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  Are benefiting you or if you need to eliminate them and put
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  the expectations back on yourself right now and see, I
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  mean, half the time when I have people do this, they come back
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  and they say, well I'm not living up to my own
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  expectations. So why should anybody else live
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  up to them? And that's true.
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  If I can't live up to the expectations I have on myself to
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  keep my word not lie to myself and do what I say I'm going to
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  do. How the hell can I expect
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  anybody else to do it? So we start there.
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  Look at the expectations. All right, my friends.
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  I hope you. Have a very blessed day and I
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  will see you tomorrow. Bye.