Latest / I Do, Part 2 / Got A Case Of The “Ick”?  It May Be YOU, Not THEM!

Transcript

Got A Case Of The “Ick”?  It May Be YOU, Not THEM! · I Do, Part 2

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Hey there, folks.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: It is Saturday, September 5th, and look at your partner.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: Look at a picture of your partner.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: If they're not with you.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Is there anything about the person you're in a relationship.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: With that just gives you the ick? Well, you're not alone.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: It's a real thing.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: And we'll all find out together right now if there's
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: anything in the world you can do about it. And
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ,
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: one of our special episodes in which Robes does not
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: want me to do any research whatsoever. about the topic.
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: This one in particular has to do, Rove. Do I
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: have it right? There is a thing called the ick.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: It's real. You might have it. And can we do
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: anything about it?
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God. I think everyone listening has had an
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: experience of getting the ick from someone they're dating, someone
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: they may even be married to.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Is that the official term of it?
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: The ick? The ick. Yes, it's been around for a while.
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: I actually have some of the origins. We can get
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: into all of that. But the big headline here is
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: the ick might not be about them anymore. It might
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: be saying something about you.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Can you define the ick? Are we talking about just
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: being turned off by the person you're in a relationship with?
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: Well, I have the ick. I have a couple different
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: definitions that have been offered to us by, I guess, professionals.
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: The ick can be described as the sudden loss of
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: attraction towards a partner or a moment of romantic repulsion
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: that feels disproportionate and difficult to explain. Like, you know
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: you shouldn't be that turned off by something that's happening,
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: and yet you are. And it makes you want to
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: run for the hills.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: Okay. I know nothing about this, so I'm going to
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: ask as we go along. Are we talking about, like,
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: a moment in which, like, there's a habit or routine
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: or something that person does that turns you off?
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: I have plenty of examples.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: Would you like me to get into some of the
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: examples first? So these are oftentimes minor behaviors, minor quirks,
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: but they take over your brain and you can't forget them, right? So,
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: and by the way, the ick, hashtag the ick, racked
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: up nearly a quarter million posts online. in 2025 and counting,
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: like this is something that people are sharing and actually
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: comparing notes with and finding a community like, okay, I'm
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: not alone, but it's really interesting because what the therapists
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: and the folks who study behaviors in human beings say,
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: don't worry. It doesn't mean you're superficial. I think sometimes
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: I've definitely felt like that, like, wow, Amy, like, come on, just,
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: move past this. It's not that big of a deal.
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: It means you're human and maybe it means you're a
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: little scared. And we'll get into this because they describe
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: having the ick as actually a natural defense mechanism. And
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: it doesn't always mean that you're incompatible with that person
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: or that you're even necessarily turned off by that person.
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: It could actually be a fear of vulnerability, a fear
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: of intimacy.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: Okay, go ahead. I'm going to keep listening. I'm going
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: to keep listening. I've got tons of questions.
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: Let me give you some examples.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: Okay, my favorite one actually came out of a headline
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: this week. Isla Fisher, actress who was once married to
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: Sacha Baron Cohen. She is now dating post-divorce. And she
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: shared this in a podcast. I'm going to say a
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: word I wouldn't normally say, but she said it.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: Oh, God.
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: So I think it's okay.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: But she talked about a dating ick that she just
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: had with a guy who she thought could go somewhere.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: She said, I really like somebody. And his dog ran away.
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: He chased his dog. But instead of chasing upright, he
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: ran low with his hands outstretched like a cartoon. By
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: the time he caught the dog, he lost the pussy.
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: That's what she said.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: She was turned off by the way he ran.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: Yes. After his dog. Like he got so upset that
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: his dog ran off. The way he ran after his dog,
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: she was just like, nope. not dating him anymore. Okay.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: So is there anything wrong with that? Because we all
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: have things, do we not? Are these not just, I
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: don't know, we call them deal breakers, but that's behavioral, right?
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: That somebody smokes or somebody does something. But Robes, there
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: are certain people you're just not compatible with because I
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: can't be with somebody that does that.
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: Okay. And yes, and that is.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: It's not a character flaw against that person.
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: But you do end up feeling superficial. And I just
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: think if everyone's being honest, they've had this experience. And
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: we'll get into what the relationship experts say. They're saying
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: don't run for the hills. Examine why you feel this
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: very strong feeling of repulsion. Some other examples. Noisy eating.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: Noisy eating is, okay, that's just an annoyance, isn't it?
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: Doesn't everybody get turned off by noisy eating? Does anyone
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: listening like a noisy eater?
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: No, but we're talking about the fact that your reaction
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: would be like, oh my God, I can never go
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: on another date with this person again.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: Yes, that should be. We're on date two and you're... Yes, exactly.
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: I'm telling you though, sometimes you don't realize it when
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: you're in the throes of love and then you get
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: deeper into a relationship and you think, wow, that is
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: so annoying. And I can tell you, oof, I am
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: a huge culprit of this, of just feeling that way.
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: Some other examples, someone who poses oddly in photos, like
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: it's just like, ugh, like an odd poser, clapping when
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: the plane lands. Someone described sudden karate moves after dinner,
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: like some weird quirk that somebody does. Discovered that their
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: date bought fake books to decorate their home. Like little
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: things that shouldn't rise to the level of we're going
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: to break up now suddenly become an overwhelming feeling of...
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: that you want to run. Someone else said playing nonstop
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: Jimmy Buffett. It's things that you think you should be
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: able to just ignore or move past, but suddenly they
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: become like these huge icks that you can't unhear, unsee,
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: or unremember. Okay.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: I have thoughts, man.
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: Go ahead.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: I have so many thoughts.
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: I knew you would like this.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: I want to hear this out because so many of
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: the things you are listing are genuine....
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: I think for a great majority of people, and women
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: if you're being honest with yourselves, if you saw your guy,
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: your man, that you're dating, you know what, take a
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: run down the street. and his arms are to the
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: side like one of the kids from Weapons, you would go,
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: what the actual hell?
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: And that's just, whoa, that's a weird thing. It's just, no.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: Go ahead with the list. There were so many things
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: you listed, babe.
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: Well, I have some personal ones, too, that I could
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: add that are along the same vein. Noisy eating.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: Everybody hates noisy eating.
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: Noisy swallowing.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: We all hate that. That's not just an ick.
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: But you should be able to look past that if
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: it's someone who you say you love.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: Okay, yes, and you do, and we do. You're a
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: very loud eater, baby.
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: I know I am.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: You are.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: I know. The swallowing I'll give you because you always
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: try to blame.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: You have a narrow esophagus. I do.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: But, sweetheart, you are a very loud, like, it's noticeable.
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: Have you thought about breaking up with me over it?
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: I've had moments.
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: Depends on how big the meal was.
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: Okay. Also, like, I can tell you, like, in the past, like,
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: the way someone sits. Someone who plays nonstop air guitar
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: on a steering wheel. Someone who listens to one artist
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: over and over and over again. I understand that. Clapping
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: when the plane lands made me laugh because.
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: Because you look at somebody, what are you doing, weirdo?
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: That's what your response would be. Yes, Robes, that's weird.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: We just landed in Birmingham. What are you doing?
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: I totally get it. Sudden karate moves after dinner. That
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: made me laugh too. Just like weird, quirky behaviors. Like
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: what are you doing that is such a turn off? Ew.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: No, these are just, I don't want to call them icks. Robes,
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: it's odd behavior that make, you know what it is?
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: You look at, when people do that, there was like
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: all sexual energy goes away.
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: Like, I can't be turned on by somebody who does that.
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: Like, when I started vomiting after the marathon and you said, damn,
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: you're sexy.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: Like, I get that, but you were joking.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: No, but you were having a moment. That wasn't a
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: part of your character, who you were. Don't get me wrong.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: You're up chucking at the A train. I don't want
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: to have sex with you then, but she's having a moment.
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: It's different from behavior. Rose, there are things that people
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: do that just make them happy. just completely asexual to you.
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: Yes, the way they sneeze. There are lots of things
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: that can just really get under your skin, and actually,
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: people run for the hills. They avoid relationships when they see...
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: But think about it. If someone is otherwise a wonderful
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: human being, and they have a couple things that are...
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: If you see those and you think, oh, hell no, bye,
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: that is what we're talking about, where you actually will
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: leave a relationship or walk away from somebody who otherwise
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: would have been a very... It represents something. Dateable, wonderful person.
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: Babe, it represents something. You can have this wonderful guy
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: who has bad habits around the house. He won't help clean.
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: He won't pick up his dirty clothes. He won't do this.
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: But he runs in a way you like. He protects
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: you in the way he likes. He works hard in
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: a way you like. He does all these things that
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: still fit. He just has these annoyances. Robes, you are
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: getting at the heart of what makes someone attractive.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: This is a matter of if this person does this,
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: there is nothing.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: In their physical.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: You can't make up for the attractiveness that's lost when
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: somebody does something goofy.
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: So I will... And I shared this with you before
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: we got on. I actually had a conversation years, years
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: ago with a therapist because I was experiencing the ick.
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: And I actually felt ashamed by it because I thought, wow,
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: am I superficial? Is this just Like, I want to leave.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: I want to run.
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: There were a couple of things that were just, I
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: felt like so turned off. And I was told that
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: it was me afraid of intimacy. I was told it
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: was my fear of intimacy. And that is exactly what
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: several articles have specified about the ick. Saying, now, there
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: are some questions you can ask yourself. Because there is,
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: some actually are.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: Warning signs that you should not be in a relationship
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: with someone. But other times they say it doesn't mean
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: that you're turned off or incompatible, that it actually could
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: be a form of self-protection. And it could be a
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: tool that you have employed without realizing it to distance
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: yourself from intimacy when it begins to deepen.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: You believe that?
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: I believed it at the time. Now I look back
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: and think I should have listened to my Spidey sense.
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: You think Isla Fisher is scared of intimacy because the dude.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: Runs in a way that turns her off.
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah. She's scared of intimacy? This is what some therapists
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: are saying.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: Some, okay.
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: They say it often happens when the fantasy of who
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: or what someone could be falls apart. Like you're holding
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: them up to this standard. And then the moment they
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: do something you don't like, you're like, and we're done.
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: And they're just warning people not to have a knee-jerk
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: reaction when you get the ick.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: Do you have any other examples? Don't list them now. Okay.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: Because I'm curious.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: And I was going to ask you, do you have,
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: if you think back, without getting specific, obviously, to your
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: life and your dating history, were there things that you
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: were like, deal breaker, I just got the ick. I'm running.
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: I'm not asking for a second date or a third date. Yeah.
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: What were they? Do you remember some of the actual behaviors?
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: You know what?
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: And one had to do with running.
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: Okay, please do tell. This is funny because people can relate.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: It's funny because someone in the very public way ran
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: towards me when we were reconnecting. I hadn't seen this
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: person in a while. And to be publicly running towards me,
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: I was like, this is embarrassing. And I didn't like it.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: And I didn't want to be with that person anymore. Like,
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: oh yeah, I made the right call. This is, I
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: swear to God, I can remember that.
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: He was like slightly from obsession, like way too excited
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: to see me.
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: I've had someone start dancing in like a restaurant. That table,
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: it's not my lane. It's not what I do. It's just, it,
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: you're turned off because you can never get on the
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: same page with that behavior.
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: Yes, goofiness.
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: And it's fine for that person. I just, we are
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: so opposed in how we are comfortable behaving in public
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: that we are not going to be okay.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: And that's fine.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: Rose, there's some stuff you've taken me to, I've complained
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: about this before, um, If I was dating somebody that
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: was doing this, it'd be a prop. How you will
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: sometimes get in somebody's face He's singing a song. Oh, yes.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: That thing.
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: I love doing that.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: Drives me crazy.
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: I know it does. I try not to do it
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: to you.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: It's such an ick.
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: But I do like doing it.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: It's such an ick.
• 13:29
  Speaker 3: To my girlfriends. Oh, my God. We talked about this
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: yesterday because this was on the list, burping in public.
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: And look, some people think it's funny. Some people think
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: it's okay. Someone did it while we were eating yesterday.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: All outside, yeah.
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: I mean, just walked right by us and let out
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: and just ripped a belch. And they're like, some people
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: think it's funny and cute and hilarious, and other people,
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: it's a total ick.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: We're not compatible.
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: Absolutely not. If you do that. But guess where the origins,
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: they believe that the origins from just actually using the term,
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: obviously people have felt repulsion from the beginning of time,
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: but to give it the label, the ick, it came from,
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: and I know it's something you did not watch, but
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: I did, the 1990s series, Ally McBeal. They started using
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: getting the ick. And I did not realize that that
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: was the first time that phrase was uttered. And it
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: has really obviously we're still, what, 30 years later. And
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: now it's kind of taken on a new life and
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: people refer to it. If you just listen to Gen Zers,
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: they use it all the time.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: Oh, really?
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Start listening on television, maybe even Love Island, getting
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: the ick. People talk about the ick all the time.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: Wait, you've heard this on Love Island?
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. I've heard it constantly. So now it's funny
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: to think that the origins were from 1990s sitcom Ally McBeal.
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: What gives you the ick? Oh, I have so many.
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: I can actually go back and remember plenty of my icks.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: Before you get to that, is the ick, do you
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: have the same ick? Does it carry over through every
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: relationship or is the ick specific to certain people?
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: For me, it was, I mean, you can have certain
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: things that annoy you, but for me, some of these
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: icks are very personal and specific.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: So what I'm saying, if you get If I'm annoyed
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: by somebody clapping when we land, I'm going to be
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: annoyed when she does it or the next person I'm
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: dating does it or the next person I'm dating does it.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: That's what I'm asking.
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't know that. I don't know
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: the answer to that because I wonder if you know
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: someone's personality and it fits with their personality. Somehow you
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: give them a pass because it works. It's authentic. And
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: it's something about that person that you like, their silliness.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: So it might be different. Like Isla Fisher.
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: Isla Fisher, she had more time with this guy because, oh,
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: that's my goofy boy running.
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: She might have thought that.
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: But what happens is when you're in a relationship with
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: somebody and you start noticing everything they do is grossing
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: you out, then you've got a problem. And I've definitely
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: been in that experience before. And you start to feel
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: bad that somehow you're judging someone negatively. at too high
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: of a standard, but I also think you have to
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: listen to how you're feeling. And I do think I've
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: made a mistake oftentimes in my life, in my love life,
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: by not, by not trusting my own gut where I,
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: there's a reason why I'm turned off and it doesn't
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: mean I'm a bad person, but that is actually just
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: not something I want to be around.
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: Well, it's too, it sounds like almost too high of
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: a standard or too much, um, I don't know. You're
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: holding yourself to too high of a standard in that
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: you are saying... What was it you said to your therapist?
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: That you're possibly being what?
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: Because... Superficial. Teddy, superficial.
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: Superficial.
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: Because I think that's wrong. You got to listen to that.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: It's okay.
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: It's not superficial. This is something... These are personality differences.
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: These are character differences. We are not compatible if you
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: do that and I do this.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: And that's okay.
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: I don't like watching someone... Dance badly. Some people might
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: think it's cute. I think it's unattractive. I think when
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: someone has a really annoying sneeze or makes noises that
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: are just embarrassing in public, yes.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: I don't like that. You hate laughs.
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: I cannot stand. This is the truth. If someone has
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: a terrible laugh, I don't even think I can be
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: friends with them.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: You know what?
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: Because I love to laugh. You know things like that
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: get under my skin.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: I was thinking about another. You know what?
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: Makeup.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: Makeup. and heels can give me the ick.
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: And what I mean is there are some folks who
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: can't walk out the house without putting on full face.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: And if you can't just be relaxed, I always say,
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: if you can't put on jeans and a t-shirt, belly
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: up to a bar and watch a football game, then
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: we're probably not going to be okay. But the idea,
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: that's a good way to put it and put it
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: in reverse. If you can't do this, that's an ick. Yes.
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: So look, they, they, they suggest that, that you ask
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: yourself these questions when you realize you're getting the ick.
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: Is this something important that I've noticed? Like, is this
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: an important thing that they're doing or not doing? Is
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: it an excuse to avoid emotional closeness? Is it an
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: excuse to avoid awkwardness? And what about the behavior bothers you?
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: Does it say something deeper about that person? And if
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: it does, then that should indicate to you that maybe
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: there's a reason why you're feeling this and that relationship isn't.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: Right for you. I'm so sorry. Um, Can you say
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: that list again?
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: Well, you need to ask yourself, is this something important?
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: Like what they're doing. And is it an important thing
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: that would affect your life like in a big way? No.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: Most of them are no.
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: You belching loudly or clapping when the pilot lands, it's
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: not the end of the world.
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: Exactly. So they're just saying take that into the context
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: of what it is.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: But still, I don't want to be with you, but
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: go ahead.
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: Is it an excuse to avoid emotional closeness? No.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: No, no.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: Emotional closeness because you're clapping like a moron when we landed.
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: Is it an excuse to avoid awkwardness?
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: Excuse to avoid?
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: Like you just don't want to be in an awkward moment,
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: so you'd just rather not be with that person. Are
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: you just kind of dismissing it because it's awkward and
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: you don't like to be in an awkward situation?
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: I don't want to be embarrassed in public repeatedly every
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: time we land, every time we go out to dance.
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: Yes. And I think this is a big one. What
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: about the behavior bothers you? Just to investigate it. Does
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: it signal a deeper issue with that person? And if
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: the answer is yes, then that is something you should consider.
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: I think that's fair. Now, when we come back, we're
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: going to tell you how you should handle the situation.
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: If you are in a relationship with someone and they
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: are giving you ick, what should you do? Hey there, everybody,
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: and welcome back to Amy and TJ. We're talking about
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: the ick. We've all felt it. We've probably all given
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: someone ick. it without realizing it. But the question here
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: is what you should do if you find yourself in
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: a relationship with someone who is suddenly giving you the ick.
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: Maybe you didn't notice it before, and now you're like,
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: what do I do? So the experts say if the
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: rest of the relationship is healthy and fulfilling, if by
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: and large you are happy with this person, but damn it,
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: every time they sneeze, it's so annoying and loud, you
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: literally can't have sex with them for 24 hours. They
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: say you should wait until And give the ick time
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: to pass. And then they suggest. you should discuss your
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: concern directly with your partner, not with everyone else, which
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: is what they say most people do. You call your girlfriend,
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: you call your friend, like, oh my God, every time
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: he does this, I want to just die or crawl
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: under a rock.
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: There's some women listening to this podcast who are going
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: to immediately call their girlfriend.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: I mean, I've done it. When I read that, I
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: was like, oh shit, I did do that. I would
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: absolutely be like, oh my God, every time he does this, ugh.
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: So they say the proper way to deal with this,
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: you do and you should tell your partner, when you
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: do this, this really annoys me. Can you try and
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: not do this? And that's an okay and fair thing
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: to do. You should address it with your partner. You
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: should tell them it's annoying.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's fair. That's difficult, but okay.
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: Oh, my gosh, there was another example.
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: Hey, can you stop belching in public?
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: Yes, when you do that, it is. You know what
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: you could say? That is not sexy. And I think
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: that'll stop somebody in their tracks.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: And when we get to Chicago, can you keep your
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: hands down? And you don't have to applaud, okay?
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: Someone else gave an example. I just saw this one.
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: Here's an example of, say a guy. I say a
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: guy because this seems like something a guy would do.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: Wait for it. Here we go.
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: Decides to pull out his guitar and serenade you.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: It's probably a guy.
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: And you get the ick.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: They say it's okay to say this to them. That
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: was so sweet, but it makes me embarrassed to have
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: someone sing to me. Like, just try not to, like,
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: totally humiliate them, but let them know that's just not
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: something I want to hear. And you know what? I
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: can remember sometime when someone sent me a cheesy-ass, terribly
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: written poem. I was like, I'm done. Like, I cannot
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: be with someone who writes this. And I didn't have
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: the guts to say that, but I was like, and
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: we're done.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: Like, nope. But there is another woman out there somewhere
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: who might think that's very sweet.
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: But also, couldn't we be in a point right now?
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: I write you a bad poem and you might not
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: react the same.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't react the same. Isn't it a matter of
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: where you are in that relationship? Absolutely.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: And that should tell you about your relationship. If you
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: get turned off by something that another man might, you
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: might love.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. I get that.
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: What is your, what would be your ick thing? Like,
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: what would I feel icky about with you? What do
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: you think it is?
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: Oh, probably just my eating, I think, because I know
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: that I'm a little, I am loud, and my swallowing,
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: I know that I, and I try really hard to
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: not be loud, but, oh, that's not your ick for me?
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: Well, it's not. Once you chew the food and The
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: swallowing is not the problem. It's everything that proceeds.
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: All right. I'll do better on that. No, but seriously.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: Eat, girl. I'm still here.
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to think. I'm trying to think what my
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: ick is about you.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: What do you think an ick would be somebody would
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: have for?
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: For me?
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: Who would say, yeah, she's ick. Every time Roblox does,
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: it was an ick for me. Turn me off when
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: she did this, this, this, this.
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: Play Candy Crush. Like, I don't know. Play Candy Crush?
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: It might seem immature. Like, why is someone of your
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: age on your phone playing a game? Damn. I'm trying
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: to think.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: Do you get the ick from me?
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: I'm watching Archer and Family Guy as I'm shaving.
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: This is such a good thing. I'm trying to think
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: of a habit you have that gives me the ick.
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: The only one that I pointed out to you, and
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: I did tell you, and you stopped. You're kind of
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: amazing at how you just stop. But I told you
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: when you crack your knuckles or you crack your arm
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: that that gave me the ick. I was like, ugh.
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: It's like fingernails on a chalkboard for me. And you said, done.
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: And you stopped doing it.
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: What do they call that? What kind of obsessive behavior?
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: I have a weird thing. You can tell me to
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: stop doing something. I will stop doing it.
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: It's weird. I've never seen anyone be so, like, it's
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: kind of frightening.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: What is that?
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: I will turn that off right now and I will
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: never do it again. And I was like, what? Who
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: can do that and say that?
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: Somebody that loves you, baby.
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: I guess. But yeah, and I don't, other than that,
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: I cannot.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: Think of an ick. Okay, sorry.
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: Anyway, they did want to say, before we go, I
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: want to, I think this is important, that there are
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: deal breaker icks that you should be aware of. Road rage,
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: rude to strangers, that could be an indication of deeper issues,
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: deeper mental health issues that you might want to take
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: notice of and you might want to consider.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: But not clapping when the pilot lands.
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: No.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: That's not an indicator of bizarre. That's toxic positivity, I guess.
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: If you don't feel comfortable enough or you don't care
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: enough to address whatever is bothering you, that's a sign
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: to let the relationship go. Oh, yeah. And I think
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: that's so true because I told you that it annoyed
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: me and you told me that it annoyed you. And
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: that means we're comfortable. Like we want, I want to
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: be attracted to you.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: I am.
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: And so it's, if you don't care or you don't
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: feel comfortable, you should probably just move on. And then
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: they say, just make sure you're making a decision to
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: end things from a place of clarity and not fear. Just,
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: they just, just ask yourself, is there something about this
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: person that I'm afraid of? That if we got too close,
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: I might be too exposed, too vulnerable, and it would
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: be too scary. I thought it was such an interesting
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: thing to think about the ick being a defense mechanism
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: versus a warning sign. And that was just something that
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: I had a therapist tell me many, many years ago,
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: and I don't know that it served me well.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: Hmm.
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: So I just think it's one of those things where
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: if you notice it, just get curious about it and
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: find out where and why it's happening.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: Did you, forgive me if I missed it, did you
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: make clear you can get over panic?
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: Yes. And they said the number one thing to do
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: is to actually tell your partner. Have a conversation. Every
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: time you clap when the plane lands, my skin crawls.
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: Can you please not do that anymore?
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: Depending on where your relationship is, that person is going
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: to take that well or not.
• 26:30
  Speaker 3: And that will tell you just how healthy your relationship
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: is or is not. All right. And with that, everyone,
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: we always appreciate you listening to us. I'm Amy Robach
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: alongside TJ Holmes. We'll talk to you soon.