Latest / Andini Effendi / Rezeki Suami Bersumber Dari Istri ft. Kania Annisa Anggiani with Andini Effendi ep.108

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Rezeki Suami Bersumber Dari Istri ft. Kania Annisa Anggiani with Andini Effendi ep.108 · Andini Effendi

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Speaker 1: A child should not earn your love. You should give
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them love.
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Speaker 2: It is their birthright.
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Speaker 1: Two men, we are the leaders. We are the backbone
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of a nation. Posting fashion, posting beauty. It's okay if
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you have a massive following. It doesn't make you special,
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it makes you responsible. If you don't nurture your wife,
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you don't nourish your wife, you don't take care of her,
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it's gonna backfire on the husband. For me, women are
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not just baby makers. When you become a parent, you
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get a second chance of living life better because you
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get to you get to do it again, but in
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a better way because you remember when you were a
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child what you didn't like or what you do, what
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you loved, and then you you have to avoid what
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you didn't like to your to your own kids. So
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that's a second chance.
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Speaker 2: Welcome to I'm answered with F and D. This episode
1:02
is very special, not because it's nepotism, but also the
1:07
man the money in Tibet, super glue. Then you got.
1:14
She's an author of a best selling book. Can I
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talk to you with massive best seller? Please welcome Khania Anissa,
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and thank you so much.
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Speaker 1: For coming, Thank you for having me, Thank you.
1:29
Speaker 2: For finally talking with me the uncensored Yeah. Also Khania's line,
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the very author, the access bar professional and facilitator and
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facilitator accessss Brito is basically energy work okay the oka
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sama kaya reiki to can transfer energy, just to release energy.
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How would you explain it to people? Musk yeah, access
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it too. It's still having a positive or negative energy.
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Energy is just energy? How is it negative and positive?
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It is just people's perception negative now, I think. But
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emotion is just emotion. Kind of emotion into can energy
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motion katars moll mmba, but some more m os to welcome.
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All emotions are are normal.
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Speaker 1: Caw did you sing associa m m m negative emotion
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is just emotion. It's just energy and and that's what
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we try to neutralize called verska clean a tokta manle
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young gitta Really is energy negative works for you? Right?
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And you have so many limitations. We have so many
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limitations since we were little. Those are limitations put on
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us and unconsciously we adapt to it and we believe
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that that's our reality. Dedicates tampa.
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Speaker 2: You need.
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Speaker 1: And a conscience, then that works for them because we
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cannot we cannot do we cannot help someone. But we
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can only help someone if they want help. Yeah, they
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did that consciousness. I need to I need to release
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whatever that doesn't work for me anymore. And that's what
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we help you.
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Speaker 2: Well. Being conscious of your mental health. I just basically
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conscious of yourself just happened.
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Speaker 1: I think I've always been conscious, Tappy. I went through
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postpartum depression. Uh when I gave birth to my firstborn,
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to Ulula Vulderable. It was a very tough dark uh
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face in my life because of myself. When I can
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do it by myself, and you know, I think I'm
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capable to be, you know, handing handling this baby by
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myself with my husband. Six months after I gave birth,
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my husband went back to work. He went back to
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his normal life. Then, Riata, I felt so unfair kind
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of every single day he get to go back to work,
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to his normal life, doing what he loved doing, and
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I was stuck at home with a baby. Not that
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that it's the baby's fault, right, Tapi. I felt like,
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oh my god, this is gonna be my life. I resigned
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when I am I was six months six months pregnant
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because a quite a complication. They did the doctors recommended
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me buttress, I JA, and then I wanted to like
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take I love my job. I was working in a
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broad in in broadcasting, it was tapi my husband return
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to work appan I JA, you know, like, why would
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you like take a break a certain you can always
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come back to work any time you want. Kind of
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that was our deal when we got married. If you
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want someone young, obedient, you know, young young man, go
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find someone else.
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Speaker 2: It's not me. So that's just one of many.
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Speaker 1: Shut up, I can go on it with this, with
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this list. So he said, he said, you tobacco, pickure
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you diday, you know, I take Maybe it's just like
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a year, you know, no problem, I can take a
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break restresana. I think I felt that it was unfair
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that why why should be me and taking care of
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the baby. Why not him?
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Speaker 2: I stay home?
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Speaker 1: You know why can Yeah? Anyway, the setup was like that,
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and then I went through postpartum depression, and then I
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went through counseling therapy, and then it too had a
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shift of consciousness. But I remember my therapist to be long,
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the only person that can get you out of this
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is you. And my mom also told me the same thing.
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My mom was also it's also attacked.
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Speaker 2: Yes, she's also a therapist.
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Speaker 1: Did I try to hold back as much as I can?
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Tapi every time I talked to her, like how how
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how did you face motherhood? In early motherhood? Back then,
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I'm so stressed out, I'm so tired. You need to
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find an outlet. You need to find an outlet whatever
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that is, whether it's reading a book, whether it's meditation,
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whether it's writing, journaling whatever. Then it was in line.
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My counselor was in Australia. It was so hard to
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find resources to Indonesia back then, twenty eleven, twenty twelve,
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nobody was talking about mental health. Nobody was uh normalizing,
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going counseling, going to psychologistic and I had to find
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books that you agree in ports It wasn't that much.
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It's not as accessible as today, did you. I had
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to find resources and and I have to admit that
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I am very privileged that I could, you know, get
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these resources. So I took it all in a quick
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courses that and that's also andlink because it was an
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outlet of therapy for me.
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Speaker 2: That's your blog. That my blog.
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Speaker 1: And then I started selling pillows you and then I
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started selling kayak Kaya, cushion covers, uh napkins, table table mats,
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everything I made from home. So my my mother in
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law gave me a vintage a Panamagna jay and then
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I used that as a toy to like make whatever
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whatever that I can find scraps around the house and
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then make you know, like things that I that I used.
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It was not intentionally to sell people, because I started
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like and then on to hire one could design, like
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how did it start? It started from there because us.
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If it wasn't because of Chicken Darling, I think I
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wouldn't build that consciousness within me knowing that we as
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a human being need an outlet, we need a platform,
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and we cannot expect other people to give it to us.
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We need to give it to ourself. And and if
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I didn't give that to myself, maybe I wouldn't be
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here sitting with you talking about this. And then the
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consciousness just raised every time I really reinvent myself. Did
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Chicken Darling was an auto to reinvent myself? And ever
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since then I believe that yeah, manketahus do it for us,
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and our children needs to see that. They need to
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see that motherhood should not be the only goal of
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every woman. I mean, it's just part of life. It's
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not the end goal. It's not the final destination because
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one day you get for those who have kids, they
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will be empty nesters. I mean for me, that's the goal. Yeah,
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I wouldn't want to have like adult children living with me.
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Speaker 2: That's the goal.
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Speaker 1: But one one day, if they leave the house and
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we become empty nesters, I'm still me. Yeah, I don't
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lose my self identity. And I think that's what happened
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to most mothers Denonesia. They lost their identity because they
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put the kids as the center of their life for forever.
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So when the kids leave house, their their home. Maga
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didn't read. I mean it's a faceline. I mean I
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haven't be what I'm doing right now with whatever that
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you know, with whether it's a book, whether it's a project,
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whether it's a business. It's just a way of keeping
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me me, you know, keeping me Cania, you know.
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Speaker 2: And I love it.
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Speaker 1: It's just and my kids adore it like they they
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they see it as a what's possible.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I'm not good. You guys are.
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Speaker 1: Especially right. No, Actually, I don't like I don't like,
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and I never changed my last name, last name. I
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always said I will never change my last name because
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my last name is my dad's given last name. And
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I will always be his daughter, Tapi. You are my husband,
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so we're partners because because the last name, I don't
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want that. I don't want the tradition because my mom. Yeah,
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so I'm not doing that. So I keep myself as
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Khan and that's it. Yeah, I don't have to carry
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your last name. Yeah, but it doesn't mean I'm not
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proud yet to be his wife. I'm very proud to
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be his wife.
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Speaker 2: But I am me. Yeah. Yeah, And then we see
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this phenomenon, you get how they react in society, yes, right, yes,
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And I know you're very vocal about this type of issues.
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Young regarding women has to have a voice, especially women
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in power because of the husband. Yes, there's a post
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posting Agar is three, historya.
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Speaker 1: B Silfi is three and Mantan President Republic Indonesia ibui
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woman three. Then history is three?
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Speaker 2: The ang horma where are you? Which I think is
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so I agreeabi istres is.
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Speaker 1: Here is exosoris and I believe that they are actually
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but what's keeping them? What's holding them back. They should
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ask themselves that what is it that are they scared?
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Kailan privilege judge Kara. When I married Ruben, Before I
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married Ruben, I still want to work here long.
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Speaker 2: Now.
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Speaker 1: Do not expect me to be obedient. If I see
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something that is not aligned with my value, I will
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challenge you those also in India. Are you ready with that?
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Because I will challenge you. Whatever decision, whatever regulation, whatever
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thinking young young that you take at home, I will
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challenge you. Cotualia, you come together with a partner. You
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come from two very different backgrounds, different upbringing, different you know,
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different different environment, different education, you can't even probably different religion.
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So you basically bring in different values and then you
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combine it together. Yeah you can't, Nah that want to
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combine it together? Okay, you need to find a middle ground.
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There will be differences, but you need to find a
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middle ground a kind of I don't want to carry.
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That's why so many people divorce. If I'm not willing
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to find a middle ground and he's not willing to
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find a middle ground. Now, when when he I have
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ideas at how when he like? This is the symplem?
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Speaker 2: So I didn't let.
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Speaker 1: Nahan challenge you in that perspective and manas Blum India
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Ganga can submit to present id to value to you know, Nila,
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you know, but if you're ready for me to challenge you,
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I mean, I won't challenge you all the time, but
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there will be challenges and I'm also willing to accept
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challenges from you. And then he said, yeah, okay, So
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I think if we are brave enough to challenge our
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partners in a positive way. Check we check up on
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on each other. My husband one works in policy, you know.
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He deals with regulations, right, and most of the regulations
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to easier dealing with different countries, right, different governments and
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governments are very complicated, right, and h we talk about
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work with each other. I talk about my work, he
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talks about his work, although bigger picture, the challenges a
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you know, just pick each other's.
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Speaker 2: Brain, you know. And then I don't have you know,
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do you really need to do that?
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Speaker 1: Atao, can you like rethink it if it's wise enough?
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I can you think about the long term? Can you
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think about the implications things like that? So I don't
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know whether most wives do this at home or not.
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I don't know, Tappy, my mom does it my grandmother
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does it to their partners and I believe.
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Speaker 2: I believe. Yeah, and my carrier cool then.
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Speaker 1: Bike in a way we can buy by sa ha
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karena is is trinya young for car then young, So
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I mean giangmaan and jiang sampdiaan can good govern good
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governance the LM company, it was, Yeah, karna is trina young.
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Have this conversation at home and that's what I'm trying
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to do with with with my with my partner. You. Yeah,
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of course tapican mac is three from what it was called.
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I think call harsh to man. We are the leaders
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of the world. We are the backbone of a nation,
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the backbone of a nation.
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Speaker 2: That creep.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, your critical thinking filter. Can I believe women are
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we are? We are warriors. We are the warriors and
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the armors of the family. I'm very passionate when I'm
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talking about this. Can I feel like women need to
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step up a little bit in terms of the India
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the relationship between husband and wife.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, especially.
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Speaker 1: Ma, I don one hundreds percent believe that what I
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what I believe from all the informal education that I've
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taken the past few years. Wang, not one hundred percent
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because of the husband. They are a big chunk of
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that coming from the wife's energy. Hmm. So if the
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wife is happy, nurtured, nourish, that's attracting the abundance, that's
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attracting the abandance for the husband, we are the blessing
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for them is young, taken care of that well nourish,
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got well nurtured, got happy, clearing scle in our circa.
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Speaker 2: I don't know.
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Speaker 1: I'm I'm pretty sure if you, if I ask you,
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you would now you would pay attention to your cliand
19:57
then mindset is the prove it is thriving and thriving
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you want to thrive in life, right, And if you
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don't nurture your wife, you don't nourish your wife, you
20:30
don't take care of her, it's gonna it's gonna backfire
20:34
on you. It's gonna backfire on the husband either the
20:40
either conduct whatever that is it. So that's why I'm
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saying that the feminine and the masculine energy is very synchronized,
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and if it's not synchronized, something will be imbalanced. Something
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will will will fall, will fall im balance.
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Speaker 2: You know, wow, I never thought of it that way.
21:02
It's so interesting. Benetic concept the happy wife, happy life.
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Speaker 1: Is correct literally literally literally do it the happy Yeah,
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And I mean for me, women are not just baby makers. Yeah, girls,
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we are stronger than you think. We are more powerful
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than you think that you feel Pan sumburdupan.
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Speaker 2: Then in man.
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Speaker 1: To man Sam, there's that's why. That's why this is
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a good mother earth kanapa, because we nurture the mother
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Earth nurtures you. They give you everything you need, but
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I return. You have to give back. You have to
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take care of the earth. So we are mother Earth.
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If you nurture me, I will give you ten times
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abundance if you take care of me, or your life
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will be full of blessings. And that is a promise.
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And that's what I always remind husbands. I remind my
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husband you like whatever that you receive, now, it's not
22:26
solely because of you, It's because of me. Because I'm
22:30
taken care of you take care of me. So you
22:33
have to be careful with your words, with your attitude,
22:37
with your behavior. Col hati calo sacad Hati. It's not
22:53
gonna be long that your life will go down the
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fucking hell.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah me. Uh, do you believe in equality and marriage?
23:06
I believe in equity. Okay, tell me.
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Speaker 1: I believe we have our own portion, then I could
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you want to expect the amncohan in bank and I
23:15
think I'm gonna go crazy. You get he's doing fifty
23:17
to fifty with me. So I believe in equity, Jerdy,
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I will amplify your talent. You amplify my talent. Like,
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for example, Ruben is really good with like around the house,
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fixing whatever, being the man, you know, fixing the doing
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the plumbing, fixing the chairs, you know, okay, doing the
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doing the hard handy man work. He's a good cook
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and he cooks. And that's also what read one of
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my shut up when I when I find a husband,
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he has to know how to cook because I just
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want to eat. I'm gonna open my mouth and eat
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and feed me good food. And I got it, and
23:54
I got it, Jeddy, and amplifying our talent, Dady. I
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will at him do what he's really good at in
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a way, and we love it that way. There are
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things that I'm really good at. There are things that
24:10
he's better that than than me. Yeah, So Tapi, I
24:20
will let him do what he's good at and use
24:28
all my brain cells when I'm with him, I mean,
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I don't need to lead all the time. I will
24:34
lead him, let him lead, and he will let me lead.
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Like when he's not at home, I'm the leader. And
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when he's not at home, and he's rarely at home,
24:42
he comes home up a weekends. Again, when he's at home,
24:46
I let him take the charge, so we know when
24:49
to take the pilot and pilot pilot and and so
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far it's working.
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Speaker 2: I'm only my mom presidence.
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Speaker 1: My father it tok, works for the government. He works
25:09
for women. So basically his life was work. You his
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life was work. It was very rare that he was
25:20
with us.
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Speaker 2: Doing during that time.
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Speaker 1: It was very rare for him, you know, reading a
25:25
story for us. It was rare for him to take
25:27
me to lessons. Everything was done by my mom.
25:32
Speaker 2: In a way.
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Speaker 1: My mom influenced. My mom is a very powerful force
25:36
in my life, TAPPI. The absence of my father during
25:42
my growing in years was filled by my grandfather, who was.
25:46
Speaker 2: A very patriarch. Ye he's a.
25:49
Speaker 1: Very strong, very strong male, and I think he is
25:55
the number one powerful male figure in my life after that.
26:00
Speaker 2: But my dad, I don't know.
26:03
Speaker 1: So I'm now mud the relationshipesia. My dad would like
26:15
take me to dinner, would take me to take to
26:18
to meet his colleagues, meet his business partners, you know
26:22
people and that people networking. That it was not solely
26:30
father daughter moment, but it was more like, oh, after this,
26:34
I will have to find a job, so I might
26:35
as well network from now on. You know, my grandfather
26:41
was a very powerful force in my life because he
26:44
whatever you see me today, like people see bang a, yeah,
26:56
I do what I do like I do me you
26:59
do you h. I got it from his energy. So
27:03
he is a very male, He's very strong. He was
27:09
a good leader. He used to work for the government,
27:11
but he was a very rebel person, so he was
27:14
rebelling against the government. And I think a lot of
27:19
my political views, a lot of my my passion for
27:23
social justice came from him and from my grandmother. Because
27:26
my grandmother was a judge. So I saw this powerful relationship.
27:32
Speaker 2: Just k.
27:35
Speaker 1: My grandmother was a was one of the first female judge.
27:39
And then my father, my grandfather was a very successful banker.
27:45
He was one of the founding fathers of Benge. I
27:49
don't want to say it.
27:50
Speaker 2: So I saw them.
27:53
Speaker 1: I grew up watching their relationship. I'm not saying that
27:57
their marriage is perfect. It's far from perfect. But but
28:00
my grandmother was the moral compass of my grandfather. Yeah,
28:10
it Tookjuran integrity that they will never want to be
28:15
doing shady business or doing money under the table, or
28:19
doing nepotism. They will never ever they would like they
28:22
would rather die defending justice that we make. The dignity
28:28
is extremely high. And when I was in high school,
28:32
I witnessed so many incidents coming to their house. Then
28:38
I could man, la was she was dealing with, uh,
28:43
you know, dangerous cases?
28:44
Speaker 2: Young?
28:44
Speaker 1: Dealing with the government. Yeah, young, I saw it with
28:51
my own eyes. There was police. It was like a
28:53
norm German eru. And it's still happening until now right. Yeah,
29:00
And so because of that, sang passionate talking about social justice,
29:08
talking about politics. While I can't say that I'm an activist,
29:12
like like real activists. Yeah, there are many people You'm
29:16
deserving to be an activist, But I'm active. I'm an
29:18
activist in my own right. I try to use my
29:21
platform with whatever that I can, using my voice because
29:24
I that's my commitment. If I have a platform, I'm
29:27
going to use it for a greater good. Yeah, I'm
29:29
going to use it to voice something. That posting CHANTI
29:34
I mean, it's not posting fashion, posting beauty.
29:38
Speaker 2: It's okay.
29:39
Speaker 1: If you have a massive following, it doesn't make you special.
29:43
It makes you responsible. And I feel so responsible with
29:47
my platform, whatever that I put out, whatever that I carry,
29:51
I am responsible for that.
29:57
Speaker 2: Put out there.
29:57
Speaker 1: Ya I didn't. But again, yeah, then democracy outspoken, you
30:14
know it was it was more him powerful sang authoritar
30:26
so sok sang at uh, that big guy parent authoritarian. Okay,
30:35
sang authoritarian tappiungay did. I have a special relationship with him,
30:50
and I'm very privileged with that because when I speak,
30:53
he actually listens. And I don't know how I earned
30:57
that kind of respect from him. I don't know that
31:00
I did earn that kind of respect from him. So
31:02
when we're when we're just the two of us, we
31:04
can actually communicate my aunts and my uncles to be
31:10
what do you can I He wouldn't like scream at
31:16
me the way he scream at their kids, at his kids.
31:18
He would just like cassol. He would not he would
31:21
disagree with me. He wouldn't like shut me down immediately,
31:25
you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, So I think
31:28
I owe a lot of my power from him and
31:30
from my grandmother, because if it wasn't because of them,
31:33
I wouldn't be who I am today, and I wouldn't
31:36
be writing a book. I wouldn't be speaking here, I
31:39
wouldn't be talking to you. I wouldn't be having a platform,
31:43
you know, with people actually listening to my yapping, not.
31:52
Speaker 2: Man Young Balloom subscribe channel in Jeddy, please the subscribe
31:59
culture content Camo and Mamo, the dynamic of the relationship.
32:07
Learn a lot from that, then you implemented in your
32:10
own marriage.
32:11
Speaker 1: I learned a lot that I don't have. Havn't America.
32:17
Then I think without consciousness, I cannot I cannot do that.
32:22
I cannot break the cycle that America young Uh Okay,
32:31
their partnership, especially on this support support. It's that I
32:43
respect that I do some Japan.
32:51
Speaker 2: Support Okay. Put to then for.
33:01
Speaker 1: The transformacy transform traveling.
33:09
Speaker 2: She's a seeker.
33:10
Speaker 1: So when other moms sibu arisan sibu attending social events,
33:15
seeing busy, being ladies who lunch, my mom was busy traveling,
33:22
educating herself in retreats in ashrams, in in college, in
33:26
in universities see book Absorbing Knowledge and Wisdom. So she
33:34
can simply parent at home better and at and at
33:38
the same time, did you got an educator? So I
33:40
think the idea educating people among that you know, and
33:46
that's I think that's the basis of why she's very
33:48
passionate about knowledge ATAPI. But the implement thing with implematau
34:03
willing to like go along with it and suppressed it
34:09
at all make her feel small. All you are married
34:21
to someone, your level of into intellect, intellectuality, your level
34:26
of consciousness and your level of intellectuality is not the same.
34:31
Speaker 2: Now, my father.
34:32
Speaker 1: Tried level of intellectuality. He doesn't read to get as
34:37
much as my mom, but.
34:41
Speaker 2: Respect it too.
34:43
Speaker 1: Then I think, Ambil, we have to support each other growth. Okay, yeah,
34:51
we have to support each other's pace.
34:53
Speaker 2: You get Cana.
34:54
Speaker 1: Everyone has a different pace then my father. It's always
34:58
positive Karna, yes, say yeah thriving then yeah, it is
35:17
by product young Then unfortunately, that's not the mindset that
35:31
I want to pass on to myself and to my children,
35:34
because for me, a job should empower you, it should
35:41
fulfill you, and it should be your catalyst. Of change,
35:45
and it should be beyond your profession. Yeah, it's a
35:49
skill and beyond your identity. You you should not be
35:53
you should not you should not define yourself based on
35:58
your job because the job is just a job. It
36:02
comes and goes from So for me, I have no
36:06
problem if one day, let's say miss Anako, let's say
36:11
Galan my my son. One day he started his career,
36:16
let's say as a filmmaker, and then one day he
36:19
decided to shift as an author, and then decided to
36:22
shift as a lawyer. Whatever, kana. Yeah, the skills, Ama,
36:27
he's good with people. He has high intellectual Again, when
36:34
you have the skill, whatever job that you have, you
36:37
will thrive because you're not defined by your profession.
36:42
Speaker 2: What I saw from my.
36:44
Speaker 1: Mom and dad, the difference is my father was raised
36:47
to work for money. They islam it banker mhm. But
37:05
is he passionate about banking? Not really it is he
37:09
passionate about finance? Did he educate us about money? No?
37:18
But he was good at what he what he what
37:19
he does. He's good as a banker. But after he's
37:24
pens you in and then what YEA? So now my mom,
37:28
whatever she evolved into, she will thrive because the profession
37:33
doesn't define who she is. She's a writer, she's an educator,
37:38
she's a speaker.
37:40
Speaker 2: Again, she's an artist, she's she's just a soul.
37:46
Speaker 1: Young young young know who she is. And that's the
37:50
kind of example that I want to pass on to
37:52
my children that do not define by a profession. A
37:56
profession can have an expiry date, but you don't have
38:01
an expiry date. Your energy that doesn't have an expiry date.
38:05
As long as you live, whether you're sick, whether you're
38:08
sixty or sixty, you can be whoever you want. You
38:10
can always reinvent yourself. Yeah, and doesn't have an expiration exactly.
38:16
And that's what I saw from my grandmother, law ladies associate.
38:27
She she she builds a law firm all women and
38:31
only focusing on Mombela. Then the firm, the firm that's
38:41
gonna run by my aunt. So my aunt is the predecessor.
38:45
She's the youngest of the sibling. She's the youngest of
38:49
the l A l l A Law Ladies associate and.
38:53
Speaker 2: The clients are all women.
38:55
Speaker 1: And she does a lot of she did a lot
38:56
of probos even for women younger privilege. So she took
39:00
a lot of money from the privileged people and subsidize
39:03
for the women young, not in power. So her client
39:06
was like ministers, lawyers, toga, women in power, women in
39:10
you know, women in government.
39:12
Speaker 2: Oh wow, I should talk to her. Yeah, okay, your
39:18
mom also a guest the guitar at the Uncensoredani is
39:23
certified a conscious marriage counselor.
39:27
Speaker 1: Right, but she also likes to be did you prefer
39:30
to be called educator?
39:31
Speaker 2: Educator? Yeah? So, and then ruben the therapy itself. But
39:37
there is a group. Maybe you did one on one to.
39:39
Speaker 1: I did one on one.
39:40
Speaker 2: We did a group. It took on something young as
39:43
a bit foreign, the Indonesia. It still is foreign. Low
39:46
on your spouse, yes to therapy. Right, how did you
39:51
convince your husband?
39:53
Speaker 1: Well, I said, if you love me, you come.
39:56
Speaker 2: You have no choice. It's as simple as that.
40:00
Speaker 1: That is again it's from the wife. If you love me,
40:03
you come, no negotiation. If you if you think this
40:08
marriage is important, then you come. If you think that
40:12
this marriage is secondary, then then it explains. But if
40:17
you think like I think that this marriage should always
40:20
comes first, comes first before the children, comes first, before
40:24
our work comes first before our parents. Then you come
40:28
because this is the long term investment for our relationship.
40:33
And Ta and Ury woman. Every every counseling session, every
40:36
workshop that we attended, he loved it. Really, it's what
40:45
I say, it's the best investment for our marriage.
40:49
Speaker 2: Yes, because I'm not married, so I don't know. Therapy.
40:56
Speaker 1: We did a lot of so the it's a very comprehensive,
41:00
uh activity. It's not just like ng at the yoga
41:07
for couples, at a meditation for couples at my mom's
41:16
signature chapter and the signature program Namaanya Finding your hidden agenda,
41:23
it's in her book. She she she mentioned it many times.
41:27
It's discovering your partner's hidden agenda and your hidden agenda.
41:31
So that hidden agenda, I'm sure she talked about it
41:33
in the The hidden agenda is the the basic d
41:39
n A why we are with each other while we're together,
41:43
attracted to someone and then we decided to marry them. Yeah,
41:48
misally I decided to marry Uben. It decided to marry me.
41:52
It is not a coincidence we are met by the universe.
41:56
There is there's a higher purpose why we are united.
42:00
Tapi Masal consciousness it Yeah, consciouns tappy workshop. Oh this
42:14
is why I married this guy, This is why I
42:16
chose him.
42:18
Speaker 2: Can you share?
42:19
Speaker 1: Okay, there's so many reasons. Uh how how plant plans
42:26
as time goes by? Okay, it doesn't happen overnight.
42:28
Speaker 2: But s.
42:37
Speaker 1: I was raised in the shelter, very sheltered, like yeah,
42:41
relatively harmonis. I was raised with discipline. I raised with
42:47
with boundaries, disciplined. And he was raised by the were wolves. Yeah,
43:04
I mean like not literally not literally that he was
43:08
literally it was basically raised by the were wolves where
43:12
the parents have so many children, and he is the youngest,
43:16
and he was sent to the States so when he
43:18
was very young, so he had no option but to
43:22
raise himself. So he Yeah, he's basically a lone wolf.
43:27
N So he lost a lot of direction, gun on
43:32
on on on, yeah, on things. I mean, I of course,
43:36
the one thing that I adore about my husband is
43:39
he was willing to like put a pedestal on himself.
43:44
Speaker 2: But of course.
43:49
Speaker 1: Tendron support so young young sing you know, sting well
44:00
coming like you know how American families are very warm
44:03
right there. Yeah, American families are loud they're warm, and
44:07
they talk. They talk to each other that they sometimes
44:10
even call each other's names instead.
44:11
Speaker 2: Of mom or dad.
44:12
Speaker 1: And they're very They're very open and very liberal. So
44:16
I think he adapted to that lifestyle a lot. And
44:24
tapi uh you then hubung and now I think this
44:40
is why I'm here for him. It's because he didn't
44:43
have the relationship that I had with my mom. With
44:46
his mother, and then being in my family, it filled
44:52
that gap because Finallyan saw sota what it feels to
44:58
be loved by a mother, yeah, or what it feels
45:01
to have a wife who is motherly. There was no
45:09
affection between him and her mother and his mother that
45:12
I'm very affectionate with my son and my daughter. I'm
45:15
very affectionate, and I'm not ashamed of being affectionate in
45:18
public because I'm just like I am, just a very
45:22
physical and my mom and my dad. Oh, it's okay
45:29
to be affectionate with your spouse, with your kids. I
45:33
didn't know that. You know, you can, you can do that,
45:35
you can shift then how how he did? We We
45:50
change each other but very suddenly, and we can only
45:54
see the difference. I didn't even I'm young, my niece
46:13
and man's his mom. You're very lucky you can talk
46:16
like this with your mom and your mom listens to you.
46:19
And then when you make a mistake that she doesn't
46:21
scold you like You're very lucky. When you make a
46:23
mistake like she just automatically forgive you. You know, and
46:27
and houses is the safest place to be, and things
46:30
like that. Is is life changing for me kinda. That's
46:35
exactly why I'm here for you, because you know, this
46:38
is like a second chance for him and also for me.
46:41
Speaker 2: To do life better. Show mister Rogers Neighborhood, and I.
46:45
Speaker 1: Grew up watching him when I was in the States,
46:48
and what if the quotes saying when you become a parent,
46:54
you get a second chance of living life better because
46:58
you get to you get to do it again, but
47:00
in a better way because you remember when you were
47:03
a child what you didn't like or what you what
47:05
you loved, and then you you have to avoid what
47:09
you didn't like to your to your own kids. So
47:12
that's a second chance. Wow, that's why you write this book.
47:16
And I talked to you, and that quote is there
47:19
is the opening of the page.
47:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, my goodness. So it's basically of course this is
47:24
about your experience and can I talk to you right?
47:33
You need just beyond these stories with your kids. Is
47:36
because you're upbringing and then experience.
47:40
Speaker 1: That bought you and the books that I read, in the.
47:43
Speaker 2: Books that you read, and then the things that you
47:45
need to unlearned, you get moved.
47:55
Speaker 1: Authoritarian. I don't want to be authoritarian. I want to
47:57
be authoritative that discipline democracy. I don't want to be
48:05
the one talking, the only one talking on the dining table.
48:08
I want everyone to have have their own you know,
48:11
have their own stories and sessions to share, you know,
48:14
And I don't want to continue the patterns that passed
48:17
on from Ruben's parents do the young alagin. But all
48:21
the positive things get to carry in our own ship.
48:24
It's not like person. So the good ones we keep
48:27
and then we preserve and and the things that that valuable.
48:32
But can that make it irrelevant?
48:35
Speaker 2: I know your kids call you as son, you're the
48:39
best mom ever? Yeah? What is like? AAA can define
48:45
yourself as a mom? What kind of a mom and
48:48
a woman you are? Right now?
48:50
Speaker 1: I think I'm kind mm hmmm. I think kindness is
48:53
my anchor as as a parent, I among many values yeah,
48:59
among many value you, siang Acopek gang Agu. I think
49:03
kindness is my anchor in parenting. Kindness is my anchor
49:07
in wif ing. Kindness is my anchor in working, in creating.
49:12
I think kindness is my strongest reason why I do this,
49:17
you know. And number two is in honesty. Like I
49:21
truly believe that if you honest with yourself, you are
49:25
true to yourself, and that is your superpower because nobody
49:28
can take that away from you. And because people can
49:31
have different opinions about you, right, people can have different
49:33
perspective and people's perception of you, you gotta be said different.
49:37
If you truly say stay true to yourself, it doesn't
49:39
matter because you know yourself more than anyone else. And
49:43
so for me, kindness and honesty is is the kind
49:47
of mother that I am. And that's why my book
49:49
is brutally honest. My book is brutally honest, my platform
49:54
is brutally honest, and I'm I'm proud to say that
49:58
I am brutely honest, and I'm brutally honest with my friends.
50:02
If I don't like something, I will tell them to
50:04
their face. I will never talk about my friends behind
50:07
their back. I will either stay quiet or I will
50:11
say it to you, but I will never gossip about
50:14
you to other people. So it's a promise that I
50:18
put on myself that gossip will stop with me. If
50:21
someone talk to me about someone else, then okay, I
50:25
just like, you know, like, but I don't know really,
50:33
I don't really know that person, and I will say
50:36
that I'm sorry that I don't know enough to respond.
50:39
I don't know enough to say anything about that person.
50:42
But I will take the information. But it doesn't mean
50:44
I'm approving of it.
50:45
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, how do you prepare yourself in ha ha yeah,
50:50
uncomfortable topics with your kids? LGBTQ, yes, a gamma, yes me.
50:57
How do you prepare yourself? When they ask? Wild the
51:01
same time? I mean, I'm not always prepared.
51:03
Speaker 1: Sometimes sometimes you know, hold that thought. You know, we'll
51:12
come back to it, like can I can I continue
51:15
this conversation tonight when we're both relaxed tap Overall, whether
51:20
I'm prepared or not, I have no choice because I'm
51:22
a parent. I have to be prepared for whatever comes.
51:26
It can good or bad. And a poem that says
51:32
that I'm always there, I'm always loving you, No matter
51:36
whether you fail or you succeed, whether you thrive or not.
51:41
For me, a child should never earn a parent's love.
51:45
That is a birthright. Like I feel Sadai Kaladi mak.
52:03
A child should not earn your love. You are you
52:07
should give them love. It is their birthright. It hebamadia.
52:29
The men fell deeply in love with them, and for me,
52:35
I think that kind of love is also is the
52:39
factor of them thriving in life because they have no
52:43
reason to like seek validation from other people kinda they
52:47
feel enough, and that feeling of enough color, then they
53:00
will feel enough leaving the house and they will find
53:04
their own purpose in life. It's because of who they are,
53:08
not because of seeking validation, not because of oh, they
53:11
need to fulfill someone else's expectation or the social expectation.
53:15
It's because they are true to themselves, because they are enough.
53:18
They are loved enough, and that's my promise. And again
53:22
the root is kindness. Yeah, the root is kindness.
53:26
Speaker 2: Colocomo system rewards and punishment.
53:30
Speaker 1: I don't do rewards. I don't do punishments, so they
53:32
don't get like a potanam any timeout. I have consequences,
53:36
but I don't do timeouts.
53:40
Speaker 2: I don't know.
53:41
Speaker 1: This is an unpopular opinion. But I learned from one
53:44
of the experts, but I forgot the name I should
53:46
credit her, so I will try to find it.
53:49
Speaker 2: I learned that the best.
53:50
Speaker 1: Consequences for a child when they misbehave, when they do
53:56
something unkind at when they you know, just little things,
54:01
is to return it with the opposite. So missai chanto
54:07
uh young ramaiya. So she's a bit bitter, she's a
54:12
bit Her tone can be condescending.
54:15
Speaker 2: Yes, I was like that too.
54:17
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sure you were too. Our tone is
54:20
a little bit condescending. And then she can be very
54:23
she can be very uh very dominant. Again, so she
54:33
can be unkind. But I know she doesn't mean it,
54:35
but she can be unkind sometimes when she's like being emotional.
54:39
I don't do punishment. I don't do but I also
54:42
don't like give her a reward for that kind of behavior.
54:45
Speaker 2: But I will say that you.
54:46
Speaker 1: Know the consequences of you being like that's your brother, right,
54:50
So the consequences is she will have to do something
54:53
kind for him as opposed to her behavior. So when
55:00
she was being unkind, I don't like that. So when
55:05
you give something to someone, you have to make sure
55:08
that that thing is well received in their hands. Yeah,
55:15
it's very disrespectful.
55:17
Speaker 2: So one time I saw her.
55:19
Speaker 1: Did that you pen? I was angry. I said, you
55:29
were not that far. You could actually come to him,
55:33
you know, and give it to him. So the the
55:35
consequences is think of anything that you can do to
55:40
repair that, because that's not who you are.
55:43
Speaker 2: You are kind.
55:44
Speaker 1: Can you can you repair that with kindness? So that's
55:48
what I do at home, which I always do. I
55:56
make a lot of mistakes, Tappy. I tried to acknowledge it,
56:00
take accountability, and that I repair it. And the way
56:03
I repair it is, yeah, I do what what what
56:05
I can do being kind to them. It's and I
56:11
will say that was not okay. I raise my voice
56:14
for something that is not that important. I lost my temper, okay,
56:18
So do something kind to them, whether I've I've cooked
56:22
them nice meal, whether I I simply give them an embrace,
56:25
I hug them, whether you know, just cuddle and tell
56:28
them that they're special. And I'm sorry that I was
56:30
like that.
56:31
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't.
56:32
Speaker 1: I don't do rewards and punishment because I don't believe
56:36
being kind it's to have a reward, And I don't
56:39
believe a misconduct needs to have a punishment just through
56:44
this is something in young What they need is love
57:00
and guidance. They need to be shown what love is.
57:04
They do brutal, you know, brutal acts or actions is
57:11
because they had no example at home. They see that
57:15
from someone else. They mimic that from someone else, whether
57:19
it's from a movie, whether from whether they're from their
57:21
own parents. They're abusive, so they adapt that abusive behavior.
57:25
And is it fair to punish them for that abusive
57:28
behavior when they learned it from someone else, they learn
57:32
it from their parents. I don't think it's fair. I
57:35
think what we need is yehanska du kasimerica, something that
57:42
can sustain prede Benkum. It doesn't, it doesn't benefit the society.
57:52
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true. Knowing what you know now moved from
57:57
the teachings that you have experienced, and do you know
58:02
your why in this world?
58:04
Speaker 1: Of course, I'm here as a vessel of love, and
58:08
I'm here to carry a message to myself and to
58:11
the people around me what's possible and that kindness should
58:16
always be a way of life. And then I don't
58:20
believe that I'm here as a coincidence. I mean, because
58:23
there is no such thing as a coincidence. I think
58:25
we are all we are all born with a very
58:27
unique purpose. And I believe this is a very interesting
58:32
conversation I had last night with my mom that young
58:39
solar and I don't believe in the concept of heaven
58:44
and hell. I believe that we can create heaven on earth.
58:49
If if I can create heaven on earth, and I
58:51
will go to heaven, I will die going to heaven
58:54
because I'm already in heaven. And that's my promise to myself,
58:58
to my family, to my children, that I will create
59:00
heaven for you at home, and so that we don't
59:04
have to die to go to heaven. We are already
59:05
in heaven. And so that's a message that I think
59:09
I carry you within myself and whatever that I'm doing.
59:13
Speaker 2: That Kan, I'm so happy. I'm so grateful to be
59:15
able to talk to you. Thank you, and people, please
59:19
buy the book, charge the online. Please buy the book.
59:23
It's a book parent thing, but also about being a human.
59:26
Speaker 1: Yes, it's about growth.
59:28
Speaker 2: It's about growth. Thank you so much. Guying with me Indonesia.
59:44
Et BIB is a maling say that ye please join
1:00:10
upa subscribe channel, coldorn contact mm hmmmmmmm hmm