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April 15 – Stepping Out of Resentment · The Daily Ripples Podcast

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  Welcome back to the Daily Ripples podcast.
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  Today is April the 15th.
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  Our Daily Ripple for today is titled Stepping Out of Resentment.
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  And we did warn you that we were going to be talking about step four adjacent things quite
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  a bit this month.
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  And resentment, our big book tells us, is the number one offender.
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  So it makes sense that we would be sitting with that for more than just a single day or a single episode.
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  And speaking of sitting with, I'm also sitting with, again, Larry, my fellow pastor in the United Methodist Church,
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  who's been here with us the past two days, and will be here today and tomorrow as well.
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  But we'll jump right in with our daily devotional, our daily ripple for today,
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  Stepping Out of Resentment, the Stone.
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  Resentment binds the heart.
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  When anger is nursed and protected, it slowly darkens the inner life and blocks the peace God intends.
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  Ripple 1 is practical.
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  Today I will acknowledge anger without letting it rule me.
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  Instead of feeding resentment, I will examine it honestly and release what I can.
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  I'm not required to ignore my feelings, but I am responsible for what I do with them.
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  Ripple 2 is spiritual.
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  As I bring my anger before the Father, the Holy Spirit begins the work of loosening its grip.
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  Following Christ's example of mercy, I learn that forgiveness is not weakness, but freedom.
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  Over time, the light of God's presence replaces the shadow's resentments once created.
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  And as always, we will save our prayer for the end.
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  And in today's, you know, ripple as it talks about this, you know, talking about resentment,
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  But we kind of foreshadowed it a little bit yesterday by bringing in the concept of forgiveness, which is more overt or more present with today's daily ripple.
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  But, you know, as it says in the spiritual ripple, that following Christ's example of mercy, I will learn that forgiveness is not weakness, but freedom.
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  And I think about, Larry, as I read this again, anytime the topic of anger comes up or I'm preaching or coaching, especially Christians about anger, invariably somebody always brings up the table-flipping episode.
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  Have you had that experience as well in your life of providing pastoral care?
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  How do you address that when people bring it up?
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  Yeah, and that's the story of Jesus going into the temple and turning over the tables of the money changers and those who were selling.
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  There's a song that I've been listening to recently, and it talks about that.
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  It talks about that story in particular, and that was really righteous anger.
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  That was where government and religion colluded, were colluding to hold people down and to push people back.
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  And sometimes anger is a legitimate response.
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  For me, anger is usually a secondary emotion.
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  It usually springs from something else that I'm feeling, and that expresses itself in anger.
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  The question is not, are we going to get angry?
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  The question is, what are we going to do when we get angry, right?
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  Yeah, absolutely.
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  And for me, you know, and for those in recovery, you know, we always talk about that even self-righteous anger is, you know, tempting and it can be overpowering, especially for people that have, you know, kind of those addictive brains, because we can get addicted to our anger.
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  You know, as it talks about, you know, we're feeding it and we can hold on to it and we can form that anger as a barrier, you know, around us that kind of keeps us protected and keeps everybody else out.
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  And we can tell ourselves many times that our anger is on behalf of someone else, but most of the time it's because it's a response to fear.
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  You know, you mentioned that, you know, anger a lot of times is secondary.
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  And for me, the anger comes about, you know, from fear, either the fear of, you know, I'm
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  going to not get what I want out of a given situation is many times what it boils down to.
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  But, you know, in terms of those resentments that we hold on to, the resentments and the
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  anger and letting it go, I mean, the way that I have to let it go is I have to open up that
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  jail cell.
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  You know, I have to release whoever I've been, you know, holding captive and forgive them.
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  And it's hard work.
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  And I remember, or I think back to, you know, the Gospel of Matthew, you know, in 18 and 21,
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  it says, Peter came to Jesus and asked, Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or
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  sister who sins against me?
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  Up to seven times?
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  And Jesus answered, I tell you, not seven times, but 77 times.
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  And of course, that's the new international version.
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  And, but it's not about though, and that's the thing that sometimes people can get stuck on a literal reading, you know, of the Bible.
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  Oh, I have to do it 77 times.
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  Or in some texts it says 70 times 7, which is a whole lot more than 77.
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  It's not about the number.
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  It's about, and you kind of hit on it yesterday a bit when you talked about, we have to work on these things every day.
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  You know, there are days when the resentments are in the background and there's days when it's in the foreground.
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  It's overcoming our mind.
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  And so we have to work on this on a daily basis.
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  So that's where my mind initially went with this.
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  What thoughts do you have on resentments and anger and how to let go of them?
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  Well, one way that I'm able to move through anger and process my anger is with curiosity.
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  First, I want to know what's going on with me that this makes me angry, that this person's words or this person's actions or this international event, whatever it is.
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  You know, it could be as small as the person at McDonald's not giving me a straw when I get my drink on a bad day.
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  That could turn to anger, right?
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  And so I have to start with curiosity about myself first, and then curiosity about what might be going on with the other person.
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  You know, what is it?
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  Are they really directing something harmful at me, or are they just going through a bad day and having a difficult time as well?
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  and recognize that, like you said, usually my anger comes from fear.
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  So for me, one of my greatest fears is the fear that I'm not being heard,
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  that people aren't listening to me and paying attention to what I have to say,
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  and that's an odd fear to have as a pastor, right, because I talk all the time.
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  And then I'm an introvert.
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  When people do pay attention to me, I get nervous and afraid in that situation as well.
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  You just can't win either way on that.
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  I'm a mess.
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  Oh, we all are.
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  We all are messes saved by God's grace.
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  Amen to that.
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  But it's curiosity.
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  Being curious about where is that feeling coming from?
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  Recognizing that anger is a secondary emotion.
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  Where is it coming from?
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  And oftentimes it has really nothing to do with the situation and the circumstance at hand.
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  And I was thinking about Peter in the garden with Jesus when Jesus is arrested.
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  The story of Peter taking out his sword and cutting the ear off one of the servants or one of the soldiers there, depending on who's telling the story.
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  And Peter acted out in anger, but his anger obviously came from the fear that he had, a fear for what was going to happen to Jesus, what was going to happen to him, what was going to happen.
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  in general. And Jesus entered into that fear and into that anger. And the healing that took place
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  there, I believe, was not just the healing of the person whose ear was cut off when Jesus put their
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  ear back on, but it was a healing understanding for Peter and for all of us who've heard that story
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  since then. Yeah, like you said, when someone offers grace, and you said this just the other day,
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  When someone offers grace, they receive grace.
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  The person who was healed, the soldier or the servant who was healed received grace.
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  And then we all receive grace in knowing the lesson from that, which is that, you know, love serves and heals no matter what.
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  You know, no matter what the reactions of those around us are, our job is to lean into that sacrificial love and healing.
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  But as you were talking, you talked about, you know, the curiosity that you use to combat those things.
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  And that reminded me of step 10, you know, in the AA program.
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  And in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous on page 84, and Corey, if you're listening today,
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  I know you'll be so proud because I'm doing your job of mentioning big book page numbers,
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  and I'm going to read a little bit out of there.
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  But toward the middle of page 84, it says that, you know, in terms of that reflection,
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  curiosity, it says, this thought brings us to step 10, which suggests that we continue to take
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  personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously
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  commence this way of living as we cleaned up the past. So it's about commencing this way of living,
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  of looking at those things, of being curious about, as you mentioned, being curious about where does
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  my anger and resentment come from? You know, what is the source of that? And in a step 10 inventory,
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  That's exactly what we're looking at. What in me was offended? Was it my pride? Was it my sense of self-worth? Was it my financial or emotional security that was put at risk that made me bitter, resentful, or angry? And then looking at, you know, what's my part in that?
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  And I think of it with a simple example of, as we all know, even though, Larry, you and I are brothers in Christ and we're called to love with an agape love that is a love of service with hands and feet on it, right?
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  But that doesn't mean that we're going to like every person that we encounter.
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  And I see you chuckling there because we both know it's true.
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  And what I find is when I inventory, like, why do I not like person X, Y, or Z, it almost
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  always comes back to because I see something in them that reminds me of my own negative traits
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  or my own traits that get out of hand.
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  But I'm called to set that aside and love and serve them anyway, you know, no matter
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  what.
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  And doing that step 10 inventory or having, as you said, that curiosity about it gives
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  me the ability to see those things that otherwise I would just blow on past and still be stuck
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  in that place of resentment and anger and fear, as it were.
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  Yeah, and that's one of the curious questions that I ask myself in those situations is,
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  what is it about them that I don't like about myself?
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  Exactly.
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  Right?
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  Yep.
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  What is it about them that I don't like about myself?
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  Because almost always, I have a dear friend, they've been a mentor to me through the whole discernment process of becoming United Methodist pastor,
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  and then through the long process of finally being ordained as an elder.
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  But there was one point in our relationship, and this person's a United Methodist pastor, and we're best friends now,
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  where they said to me, you know, I love you, Larry, but I don't like you very much.
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  And I had to say, you know, what is it about me?
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  What is it?
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  What's going on?
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  And what's this source of, you know, what's the irritation that's standing between us?
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  And what's my part?
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  What's my part in all of that?
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  Yeah, I've had to do that several times myself, you know.
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  And for me, it is, I have had to, especially from a pastor perspective and pastoral care,
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  is if there's a person that I personally, in my own head, in my own humanity,
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  want to avoid or not speak to because they rubbed me the wrong way, whatever the case may be,
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  I force myself to lean into that and specifically call them anyway, to check in with them anyway,
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  to go above and beyond, to still be of service.
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  And when I do those things, I usually find that I'm blessed because of it, because that
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  eliminates that barrier that I had to begin with by leaning in and being of service to
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  that person.
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  Well, let's go ahead and close out today's episode with our prayer.
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  Father, free me from the bondage of resentment.
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  Through your Spirit, help me face my anger honestly and guide me in the forgiving way of
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  your Son.
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  Amen.
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  Amen.
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  man.