Latest / Pastor Plek's Podcast / Why God? with Kenneth Monroe

Transcript

Why God? with Kenneth Monroe · Pastor Plek's Podcast

• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: And welcome back to Pastor Plex Podcast.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, Pastor Plex, and joining me today is none other than Kenneth Monroe.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_01: He's been coming to Wells Brands Community Church for how many since February.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: Since February.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's awesome.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: How'd you find out about our church?
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: Well, my wife found it uh on the internet.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: She was just researching for churches and she came across it.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember the church because I will always come by every day on my way to Catherine and Fleisch Park where I would kind of be out there walking and jogging.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's how we found it through that way.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: That's awesome.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: So where did you move from?
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: And then how did we start there?
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: And then I want to get into your story of like you have been through some unbelievable tragedy.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: So before we we get to that, tell me how you got to Austin.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we got to Austin um last year.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um my wife had asked uh who I call my adopted mother from Nigeria, yeah, um Esther, um, about um because she, my mother had received the word maybe back in 2019, 2020.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: And um for us to relocate to to Texas.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: From from um Columbus, Georgia, Phoenix City, Alabama area.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: And me personally, I was against it.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm like, well, I was stationed here at Fort Hood when I was in the military, but I had no desire to come back to Texas.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: But my wife, you know, anytime she felt like she got a word from the Lord, she just wanted to just jump on it.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: She just jumped on it.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I guess five years had passed, and then 2024, she, without me even knowing it, she had been searching for a job and found one.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: And when she told me, I guess what, I got a job in Austin, Texas, I'm like, and that's how that's when I knew that, okay, she was serious about this and she wanted to just kind of make that move and just be obedient to God.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: And like, well, what's in Texas?
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, why are we, why do we need to go to Texas?
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: But just being submitted, I decided you know, to go ahead and take that step and relocate.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: So All right, let's get back to the story.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: How did you first become first off, where'd you grow up and then how'd you become a believer in Jesus?
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: I I grew up in um Hollywood, Florida.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um I was born, um, lived in a small little town called Daniel Beach, uh, Florida, down there.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: And um my dad was an elder in the church, and my mom was a missionary in the church.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I grew up uh as I was coming up under the Pentecostal faith, you know, um, from a young age.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: And um, but the thing is, Pastor Chris, is even as I was growing up in a Pentecostal church, um I felt like I knew I knew about God, but I didn't really know God.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, really?
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because it was back then, it was kind of like, okay, you you go to church and you do all these religious things, but no one really ever talked to me about what it meant to have a personal relationship.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um they just assumed everybody had one.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it was just assumed that everybody had one and that wasn't the case.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it uh if you don't ask specifics, then people just they learn Christianese and then they talk.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: And so I don't know if that's necessarily like uh you know, predominantly in that particular faith, but in general, or yeah, stream, but generally if you don't have a direct question saying, like, hey, here is what uh the Lord is speaking, or or like here's how I have a personal relationship with Jesus, and this is where it started.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: Here's how the Lord revealed himself to me, that kind of thing.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's really difficult.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so when did that happen for you?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um because my temperament was I was so reserved and quiet, I wouldn't ask questions, but it really didn't happen until maybe 2010.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I knew the church lingo, I went to church, but I still didn't know who Jesus was.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and um growing up in a Pentecostal um household, and even as I was um I was thinking about, man, what am I gonna say, you know, and what kind of questions is are you gonna ask me, um, I shared with my mother, I told her something today that I didn't share with my biological mother while she lived.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, wow.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I felt like I needed to share that and and open up to her and let her in because she is a mother to me.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the one things I wanted to say is when I was around nine or ten years old, um, I was uh sexually molested as a as a nine teen year old by a family member.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: A family member.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, family member.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I was threatened that if I ever told, um, they would threaten my mother.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: So up until my mother died, I kept it to myself.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: How hard was that?
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it was hard because my temperament, I was always quiet and reserved.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: So no one knew what was going on because I kept everything bottled up inside.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: I kept everything I would be thinking, but uh and I wanted to share, but I just didn't.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: So at nine and a half, ten years old, yes, was it a one-time or repeated times?
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: It was a one-time thing, and I managed to make sure that I wasn't in any situations where it could happen again.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so um, yeah.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: Gosh.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so how did that affect you growing up spiritually?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe emotionally as well, but um to wonder if like if God really cared and loved me, why did this happen?
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, so then did you ever tell your your first wife when did you get first get married?
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um I my first marriage was uh to my first wife in March of 1996.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: And this was uh three years after my mother had passed.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: My mother died in um March of 1993, and I was 20 years old at the time.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: And even when my mother died, there was I had family members around me, but I felt like no one ever asked how was how was I doing or how was my brother doing.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: It was just like, just you're 20 years old, just push through it, continue living your life.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: But yet, I was I was hurting because I just lost my mother.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Uh but um I met my wife, my first wife, uh 1996.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: In 95 I met her, and then we were married in 1996.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: And at the time, she had a three-year-old and a five-year-old, five-year-old daughter, and a three-year-old son.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: So in 1996.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, and then you guys, how long were you married?
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: If you got you have we were married for 14 years, yeah.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Up until she died in June of 2010.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: So you've just you lose your mom at 20, then you lose your wife at how old were you?
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: I was actually before I lost my wife, I lost my dad in between that.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Oh gosh.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: Man.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so a lot of a lot of death and a sort of struggle.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, how did your mom die?
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: She died of pneumonia.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: Pneumonia?
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, and then how'd your father pass?
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: He died.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: I was actually stationed here at Fort Hood in 2001, is when he died.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: He died May 7, 2001.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: And my um, my son that I had with my first wife, Isaiah, he had he was born in um March.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: So he was actually just two months old.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so I had a painful decision to make because um he was in the hospital, and my first wife was in the hospital when I got the call that my dad had died.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: And so I made the painful decision to not go.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because I I felt like I didn't have anyone to help me with, you know, my wife being in the hospital, my son is in a two-month-old is in the hospital, and then we have the the younger kids.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: So I decided not to go to the funeral.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: And is that something, do you regret that, or do you think that was a good decision, or do you just kind of live in a confused state?
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, did live with the regret.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I thought it was the right decision because I was a a new father and a husband, and I needed to be there for my family, immediate family.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so you you have you are you guys a are you going to church at this point?
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: Are you a Christian?
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: We we were going to church, and I and I felt like I still wasn't truly surrendered to God, to the Lord.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: You know, but I but I was going, you know, and uh, but I always felt like I needed to surrender, you know, but I wasn't I wasn't surrendered.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: How so you were in the military?
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: Tell tell me about what it was like to be a Christian in the military.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: That it was hard.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because being um Especially married.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, being around other soldiers, uh listening to a lot of the profanity and some of the other stuff that is going on, you know, they're partying, drinking, and that was not something um I cared about.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um so it was a difficult, but I felt like once I did make a decision for Christ, that I had to represent Christ and live out a life, you know, by saying, okay, I can't do this, I can't do that, you know.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: So Yeah.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: So so tell me about like any was there any uncomfortable situations just being in a military?
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um believe or not, I was I I was I joined the Marine Corps.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: I started off in the Marine Corps from in 1996 to 2000, and I got out of the Marine Corps, and two weeks later I was in the Army.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Two weeks.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Hold on.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: So you what was your original intent when you got out?
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: I I didn't want to get out, but I was unsure about what I wanted to do.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: And my wife now, Andrea, she was like, You're always, you can't stay still.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: You always and it and it and it showed because uh I would just bounce around.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: But two weeks later, I um I got out of the Marine Corps and was in the Army, and then I was being shipped off to Fort Hood, Texas, you know, and I was there from 2000 to 2003.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I decided to get out.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I got out, and maybe a year later I joined the Air Force Reserves.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: And and I and I stayed in the Air Force Reserve from 2003 to up until 2006.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: Before I decided to come back into the Army in 2006.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, wow.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: And then how long did you stay in the Army?
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: From 2006 to 2014.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: So did you deploy?
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: 2000.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: When I went back in in 2006, they reclassed me.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I was in a 19th engineer battalion.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so um I was reclassed to uh 21 Whiskey at the time, which is under construction and masonry.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: And so um I arrived to Fort Knox, Kentucky, but the brigade, the battalion, they were already deployed to um Iraq.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so we were in um Takrit.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so I joined them in January of 2007.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: In Takrite.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: In Takrit.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: And so I got there, got acclimated with the unit.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, we would have these daily uh briefs, you know, they were kind of let everybody know who's going on the mission, who's not.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I finally got a call and like, hey, you're going on a mission.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, I'm on roll with your unit.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um and so in January of 2007, uh January 28th, to be a in to be a Zach, um, we had a mission where we were um doing a guard tower and we were building Hesko baskets.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I was Hesko, those are the big barriers.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: Big barriers, yes.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: And me and a couple of soldiers were standing on top of a Hesiko basket, and my platoon sergeant and company commander, they were kind of dispersing the crowd on this Sunday morning of two, you know, of January 28th.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: And as they were dispersing the crowd, you know, a shot rang out.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: No one at the moment didn't know what it was, but it took maybe a split second.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: When I looked down, I felt a burning sensation and realized I had been hit in the right leg.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Oh gosh.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: And it was just like a gaping hole in your leg.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: In my leg.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: Did you fall to the ground?
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: I fell to the ground after I came to the realization what happened.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it was just one shot.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I was Metavaced out, and and I remember when I got back to my sleeping area, I I began to ask God and say, why me?
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_04: Mm-hmm.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it was it was almost as if like God was like, why not you?
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: You know, what that happened to somebody else, so why not you?
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: And so I carried that and lived with that, you know, and was just grateful that it could have been worse.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_04: Oh yeah.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: It could have been a whole lot worse.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so I was out um and didn't go back on a mission, maybe for about three months.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: And my next mission I went back on was in.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: Well, but when you got shot, they met evacuac you out, they heal up your leg.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: They're not like, hey, here's some RR.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: They're like, all right, right back out to Creek.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: Other soldiers were like, Why don't you go home?
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: They were like, fake the phone, just just get out.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: Just get out.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: But I I didn't want to do that.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to continue.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because there's a real sense of camaraderie with those.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: You don't want to leave those guys.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: And my RR didn't come until after the Nets incident happened, which was in June of that same year.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, June 4th.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like six months later.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: It was a big thing.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: Six months later.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: We were heading back from a mission back to our fab, and it was around 2100 uh at night.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: And my vehicle, which I was in, I was a TC.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's a truck commander.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: Truck commander.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um came across a uh IED.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: And it impacted my vehicle, but it it didn't impact it enough where it completely disabled the vehicle.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: So it blew up.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: It blew.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: But we were able to somehow continue on.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: So like it just damaged the vehicle and you kept going?
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: And we kept going.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe about 30 minutes later.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: You ran out of gas?
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: No, my vehicle got hit again.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, again.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: With the RPG.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: Oh man.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like, where did it impact?
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: The rear of the vehicle.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: So gosh.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: I was just fortunate and thankful.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I much damage did your vehicle sustain?
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: It sustained a fair amount.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: Were you able to keep driving?
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: But we were able to still continue driving and get back to the fob.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: That's what was nice about being in a tank for me, is I get hit multiple times.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: Now, once it totally blew up my tank, but most of the time when RPGs and bombs went off, we were like, I think we got hit, you know?
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: And you weren't really sure.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: But when you got hit, you definitely knew it.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: And so it was after that, um, my platoon sergeant was like, okay, you're not going back out.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: You're going home for RR.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so I went home for 15 days for R.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: And while I was home, my first wife had to um, she had a lump.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like uh cancer.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so they had to do a procedure.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: So they extended me for another 15 days to kind of see her through that process before I uh I returned back to my units.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: Uh we came back from deployment um November of 2007.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: So how many children did you have at this time during this deployment?
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um I had my youngest son, Isaiah, uh-huh, and the two older ones, Deedra and Tyrone.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: So it was three total.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so then um she has the surgery.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: They remove her breasts.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_01: She had to have it removed.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like a full mastectomy.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, that's hardcore.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, and then what happened?
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_01: And then I mean that that's that's a huge emotional thing in and of itself.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: Uh okay.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_01: So you're dealing with that, trying to console your wife through that.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: How what was she like during during that time?
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: To me.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: Uh her faith was strong.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: You know, compared to mine, you know.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um and so I just felt like, okay, she's she's gonna be okay.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so I just left it at that.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then I, you know, I went back to what my to join my units until we came back um in 2007.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then um from there, um my unit left Fort Knox um and relocated to Fort Bending, Georgia in 2009-2010.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so, actually in 2008, um, so I joined the 60th Engineer Battalion, um, I mean company, and I was with the 11th Engineer Battalion at Fort Bennett, Georgia.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: So in 2009 of April, they were scheduled, we were scheduled for another deployment to Afghanistan.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh wow.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: And so um I was all prepared to go.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then found out um the cancer had come back.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I I informed my commander and first sergeant, and they was like, okay, we'll we'll let you stay back here uh for three months to help your wife.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: So that three months turned into where I never did join my units.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: So beginning in 2009, I felt like that was one of the toughest and years that I had to go through because my wife was in and out of the hospital.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: There would be times when doing chemo and stuff.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: That she would get discharged from the hospital, and 20 minutes later, I'm right back in the hospital after having got a discharge.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: We have to turn around and take care of it.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_01: She'd leave the hospital and all of a sudden something would be done.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: Just and so I was just like, I didn't know who to talk to.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: So I used running as an outlet.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: I never was like big on running.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: I just did what I needed to do to maybe pass a PT test or whatever, but it became like almost a lifeline for me.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, really?
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so you you're you're in and out of the hospital, you're running, your units deployed, you're trying to figure out, you're getting reports from the doctor day in, day out.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_01: Things look good, then they look bad.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: They were they were looking good up until in maybe I'd say May of 2010.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, my unit had just gotten back from deployment after a year in April 2010.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember going to the to the doctor with her, and on a particular day, they called me out and said, We need to talk to you.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, your your wife cancer has spread it, and she may have a month to live.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_01: What how did so when they call you in, they say your wife has a month to live, and you're sitting there, you've got three children.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_01: How old were they at that time?
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: In 2010, Isaiah, my youngest, was nine.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, my daughter, Deedra, she was 2020.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: And my son, Tyrone, was 18.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so a lot of emotion there.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of stuff.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_01: Were they um was Deedra, she wasn't living at the home at this point, but she was nearby?
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, they were living in the home.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_01: All everyone, all three of them in the house with you while this cancer stuff is going on.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_01: Were they all kind of like taking part in helping out?
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um as much as they could, yes.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um okay, so you get that word, like what's it feel like for you as a dad and as a husband?
• 21:09
  unknown: Oh.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I was I was believing that, okay, uh God's gonna heal her.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: You know, God's gonna heal her, and we'll be okay.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, our family will be whole, and we'll we'll we'll beat this and we'll continue on.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I will ask God, like, just heal her, just heal her, just just physically, just just heal her, take away the cancer.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: She didn't make it a month.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: She made she made it two weeks.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: Two weeks.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so you get this devastating news.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, and she died June 11th of 2010.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: And and while I'm processing that and now trying to figure out how to arrange a funeral, and thank God I was going to a church that I reached out to that helped me plan and get everything organized.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: Was this Cascade Hills?
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: No, not at the time.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, which one was this?
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: I was going to Kinda Metropolitan Worship Center.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, cool.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: At the time.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I thank God they they planned everything.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: They arranged everything where I didn't have to do much, but I got a casket and pick out.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: And during during that, so we had the funeral um June 21st of 2010.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: And me not knowing, I had family members um in Florida, uh Tallahassee, Florida, who were reluctant to call me because they knew I had just buried my wife and to tell me.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because my mother had a twin sister.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: They were identical.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: And every time I looked at her, it was like looking at my mom.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_00: But they decided to call me anyway and say, Kenneth, we know that you're grieving and you're going through, but we felt you needed to know your Aunt Margaret died in her sleep.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: Oh gosh.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_01: Wait.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: Oh wow, that's wild.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: This wasn't even a month.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: I hadn't even had a month to grieve my wife.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: But I um me and my youngest son, Isaiah, I took him and we decided to go down to uh Miami, Florida for the wake and for the funeral of my Aunt Margaret.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so you're you're kind of reeling from that.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: You're kind of now you're a single dad.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um 22-year-olds out of the house, or 20-year-old out the teachers out of the house.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: She she decided to leave the house once her mom died.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: She just could not bear losing her mom.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: And that that was so painful that, believe it or not, when my wife, when she died, um, she wasn't in hospice.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: She was at home.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: I decided not to put her in hospice.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: So they they took me through the process of knowing how to uh administer the morphine and change the tanks.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: And when she died, that was the first time I had physically seen someone taken out in a body bag.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: And when my I remember when my daughter came downstairs that that early morning, she was looking for her mom.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: She said, Where's mom?
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: And she's thinking, My mom has gotten up, she's she's heal, she's well, and I'm like, Your mom is gone.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know, she she's deceased, you know.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_01: How did that hit her?
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: She was devastated.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_01: She She was expecting a healing.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: She was expecting a healing because she even went outside looking for her mom.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: And she was devastated.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: You know, yeah.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_01: And then, and what about uh Tyrone?
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_01: What was his he was more he was hurt?
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um but he kept it to himself.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, Isaiah was just distraught.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: Distraught, you know.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so how did you I mean you've got all this different emotion.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_01: Uh Deidre moves out, Tyrone stay around or Yeah, he stayed around, yes.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_01: And you're still dealing with all this, and then then what happens?
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: But even not when she died, um, the the nets that weekend is when I gave my life to Christ.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_01: So you were kind of like you knew about God, but you didn't know God.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_01: And so what how so how what was the you were just like you're so broken and you're just like, I need Jesus?
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_01: What what was that?
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it was like because I knew death was a reality because I had seen it so much.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: So much that what if this was me?
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: You know, where would I spend eternity?
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I didn't know this sounds crazy, but you just gotten shot, been hit by an ID, an RPG round smash in the back of your uh truck.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: Now just now is what it it actually was during Iraq, but I kind of just like it just pushed it away.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_00: I pushed it away.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_01: Because I guess you know, it's honestly what you compartmentalize a lot because if you start thinking about death when you're in Iraq, you'll be a terrified person, you can't go outside the wire.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_01: So this hits you, you finally have a moment to think to yourself.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_01: You're do you do you go to church?
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_01: Do you have is this happening at your room, or what what happens?
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um I I go to church.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um and um I give my life to the Lord and they baptize me.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, nice.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: In 2010.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um beautiful.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_01: So you you're living for Jesus.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_01: Did do you have a sense of hope?
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: I do.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_01: And then are you able to minister to to Deidra and Tyrone and as best as I could?
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it was hard at times because to try to relate to them as a father, because I didn't get it as a father, as a son from a father.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: How well how so?
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: What do you mean?
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because my wife now, she I remember her asking me, she said, Did did your dad ever tell you that he loved you?
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: And for a moment I had to think really hard.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, not once did I ever hear him say it.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_00: But I I would tell her, I believe, I felt he loved me through his actions, right?
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: But he never verbalized it.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_01: What do you think it is about that generation that couldn't say I love you?
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not I'm not particularly sure.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_01: That's interesting because I think that's a common thread across that generation.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: Saying I love you would be like almost too vulnerable or something.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so you're you come to Christ, you're you're doing the best you can as now uh a single dad.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: Then uh you give your life to Christ, you're you're living for Jesus.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_01: What happens?
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_00: So in 2010, after I've done all that, and like I mentioned, um, running was it became like a passion for me.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: You and Forrest Gump.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_01: You're just going for it.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so November of 2010 rolled around, and we were, we had this annual turkey bowl where it was officers versus NCOs.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so on a Thursday, I remember some of the NCOs asking me, hey, Sar Mama, would you mind?
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, come practice with us, let's throw the football.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, no, I'm I'm I want to go running.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I just want to go running.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: But I decided to go not run and join them to practice.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_00: And in doing so, um, I remember catching a pass and I stepped into a pothole and I and I injured my left knee.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: But I didn't know the extent until that following Monday when I went to the sick call.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_00: I remember one of the soldiers, when I was standing outside looking at me, he looked down at my knee because my knee had double in size.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, You tore your ACL.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, gosh, no.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, no, but it was confirmed.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_00: I tore my ACL, my meniscas, and and so I I was a little distraught.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_00: I was hurt because the one thing I wasn't even supposed to be out there.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't supposed to be out there.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: And the one thing I felt like that had been taken from me now.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_01: Man.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_01: Just the hits just keep on coming.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_01: So you have this.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_01: Now, is that when you got out of the no I wound up having a surgery uh in May of 2011.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_00: Was that at Keller?
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: It was no, it was at uh Fort Benning, Georgia.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but I think it's Keller Army Hospital right there.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_01: Uh uh.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um Martin Army Community Hospital.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_01: Martin Army, maybe that's what it was.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_01: Well, never mind.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_01: I I had MCL surgery there.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because I uh tore my MCL at Fort Benning.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, go on.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, I I have the surgery.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: I I go through the recovery process and then um So 2012 rolls around.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember going back for a checkup on my knee, and my doctor's like, you need to have another procedure on your knee.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_00: We found like some scar tissue.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_00: So they did a surgery.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_00: So they did the surgery in February, uh, February 3rd of 2012.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_00: And um I went on comalescent leave.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember while home on convalescent leave.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_00: I remember it was February 11th.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: And this was a Saturday night.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember watching the TV, and I was, and it was just breaking news about Whitney Houston.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_00: It was just all over the news.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, okay.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then Sunday rolls around of February 12th of 2012.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm downstairs watching the news still, and I get a phone call.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, it's like between seven and eight o'clock at night.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, it's a call from my commander in first iron.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like, Simon Monroe, um, we know you're on Convalescent Lee, but um, we need you to come to the company.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, come to the company.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I'm on, I'm on leave, first time.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I got I went, I got him a car and I was driving, and and the whole time there, I just get knots in my stomach.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like something's wrong.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so when I arrived to the unit, there's absolutely no one there.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_00: No cars there but the commander and first sergeant.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_01: Oh gosh.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_00: And so I uh I go upstairs, and they was like, Somewhere, can you have a seat?
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_00: Uh which is somebody's on the phone, on the line.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_00: We just need to uh, and so I was in the seat in the other office, but the door wasn't completely closed, that I was able to hear what they were saying.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_00: And as they were talking, I immediately knew that the conversation between them and the doctor, that I'm gonna identify somebody.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so they put me on the phone with the doctor, and he was like, Um, sorry, Mr.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_00: Mark, we need you to identify this person.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and when they mentioned a particular tattoo and where it was, it was my daughter.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_01: And um what was that emotionally like you're just your experience, you hear that?
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_01: Does like do you flash back to your wife?
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_01: Do you flash back to your mom?
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, what where where do you go in that that moment?
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: Almost I I felt it, but I almost became numb.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_00: I think I was more concerned for my youngest son, Isaiah.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because he was just thinking, oh no, he can't handle another loss.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_00: He he doesn't, he hadn't had the experience of having any grandparents.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: He lost his mom.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_00: And now I have to tell him he's lost his sister.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_00: But I waited a couple days before I told him.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: Oh gosh.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_00: He came from school, and I remember sitting him down at the kitchen table.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_00: And when I told him, he didn't scream or holler, but he just the tears just flooded from his face.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_01: And how old was he at that time?
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_00: He was 11.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_00: Gosh.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_00: He was 11.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like a year and a half after his mom has passed.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_01: Here he is at 11 years old, his sister's dead.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that's that's where when I saw that, my anger and resentment towards God came.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_00: Where I decided I want nothing to do with God.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_01: So tell me about like how did you so you you said you you said that in your heart and your head.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_01: And is that when you stopped going to church?
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_01: Is that or what happened?
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_00: I would just at times just lay in the bed.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_00: Even after I've maybe washed clothes, the clothes was just laying the bed beside me, and I would just lay there.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_00: Just, you know, I would just I would get the strength, you know, to make sure my son was taken care of and that they were okay.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_00: But I was just exhausted.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_01: So you're no longer going to church, Isaiah's obviously not going to church, you're just you're kind of fried.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_01: You you it's pushed you too far, you're kind of done.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so then kind of like how do you just cope with life at that point?
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_01: What was your coping mechanism?
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_00: Believe it or not, it was because I wasn't running like I was, it was maybe food.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_00: I started overeating.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, food became for me a cold.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_00: And as I was going through that, just when I thought it wasn't gonna it could get any worse, July of 2012 rolled around, and I remember I had a f a soldier's mom who was helping me and was living with us, helping me with my son and my grandson.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_00: She was living in the extra room that I had because I was living in base housing.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_00: And my uh older son, Tyrone, called and he said, Can you come pick me up and take me to work?
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I just told her, I was like, Miss Diana, I'm gonna go take my son, Tyrone to work.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'll be back.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I went and picked him up and I dropped him off of work.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_00: And as soon as he got out of the car, I get a phone call, and Miss Diana's on the phone screaming and yelling, and she's outdoors with her grandson and my son, and she's like, Your house is on fire.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I thought, I'm like, what?
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: She said, Your house is on fire.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_00: There's police, there's fire trucks.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I rush back on post.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_00: I get there and it's engulfed.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's just your house is on fire.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_01: Daniel, how it started?
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_00: I had reported it uh months ago to maintenance.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like some, I like something's wrong with my stove.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_00: Every time I turn it off, it won't turn off.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_00: The burner's still on.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_00: It would go on and off.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_00: So they would do an investigation and determine there was a faulty something that was faulty in that.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_00: They say it was like just waiting for the right.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, This is where you sort of start to feel like Job.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like you're like, how can this get any worse?
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I just lost my house.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_01: All the I mean, all your stuff, I'm sure, got completely incinerated.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of it, but you know, whatever I could salvage, but I did.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so all right, you you you your house burns down.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_01: Uh are you angry at God or are you the numb towards God?
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_01: What's your a little of both?
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_00: A little of both.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um but you know, they managed to um find me another housing for me and my son.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I and I pleaded with them.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, please, um, I don't want another four-bedroom.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, this is what you rate.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, it's just me and my son, Isaiah.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_00: Now, can we just a one-bedroom, a two-bedroom?
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_00: They like, they gave me another four-bedroom when it was just me and my son.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_00: So when they moved us into it, I put absolutely nothing in there but the bare essentials for him and myself.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_00: And the other rooms were pretty much empty.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_00: You know, up until um I decided 2014 to just to get out.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_01: So you're it's 2014, you get out of the military, and then tragedy happens again.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_00: Well, not instantly.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's when I met my wife now, Andrea.
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_01: Andrea.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_00: I met her.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_00: That's not tragic.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's it's a win.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_00: I had no plans of of remarrying or getting married.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_00: I just like How did she sneak in there?
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_00: I met her.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't intending on I was on Christian Mingle.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_00: But Christian Mingo, I was using as um, because there were people on there who were helping me to cope and deal.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what I was using, but that's how I met her.
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_00: And that's how we connected.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_00: And we were married um four months later.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_01: So what happened to like the you don't love Jesus now, or you're angry at Jesus, and now you're getting married to a.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, Andrea is not like sort of into Jesus.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_01: She's all in.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, she's all in.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_01: So, so how did that what happened?
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_01: Were you like, was she evangelating you or what?
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_00: She was just, she listened to me.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_00: She allowed me to just talk, vent, whatever.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_00: And um, she said she felt and knew that God was telling her, that's gonna be your husband right there.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, no way.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_00: Uh four months later, we were married in February of 2015.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so so you get married.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_01: Happily ever after.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and and um Isaiah's how old at this point?
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_00: He is uh 14.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, he's 14.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_00: Is he doing well with her?
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_00: I was I was concerned.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_00: He was going well in school, but I was still concerned about how he was doing mentally.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_00: And didn't know how things were gonna turn out for him.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_00: But I continue to to be uh as best as a father I could to him.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_00: I I could have done better by communicating with him and because I I didn't really, I wasn't asking him how he was doing.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_00: So how my dad was doing, I was kind of doing to my son.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and just thought he was okay when, you know, he probably wasn't okay, you know.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so, but he was still doing well in school, and I was grateful for that.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I I think I believe for him, when he started to really kind of turn away from God is in 2016.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, Tyrone, we had saw him in um Thanksgiving of 2016.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_00: November 24th, 2016.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_00: He wasn't far.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_00: He was maybe, maybe 20 minutes.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_01: So you'd see him like at least once a month or so.
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_00: We would see him.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um so we saw him.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_00: He came over for that Thanksgiving.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_00: We were glad to see him and everything.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um that following Tuesday, uh, November 29th, uh, there's a knock at my door like two o'clock in the morning.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_00: Just a loud thing.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, who's knocking on my door?
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_00: I I opened it, but I was like, I heard this knock before.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I go to the door, I open it, and there's a police, like, uh like, uh, Mr.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_00: Monroe, Miss Monroe, sorry to inform you.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um your son, Tyrone, was killed.
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um I remember seeing Isaiah down the hallway standing in front of his door.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_00: And he went and he punched a hole into the he just hit it so hard.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know if he had and he screamed, you know, he just that's too much.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_01: And so he's processing, he's screaming, and how did how so you get this at 2 a.m.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_01: call?
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_01: How did how did Tyrone die?
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_00: He was um single car accident.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_00: Just a car accident.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um when I went, well, me and my wife went and saw the vehicle, no one could have survived that.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_00: It was just mangled.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_01: It was just brutal.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_01: And so you're just sitting there going, there's no reason, in a sense, no, no rhyme to that.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's just so weird.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I mean, that's a wife, a daughter, a son.
• 42:33
  SPEAKER_01: You're reeling in in pain, like, and that that's when I say is like, I'm done with God.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, he he just experienced his mom die, his sister die, and his brother die.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_01: And you're trying to kind of hold it all together.
• 42:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how what what what do you do?
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_00: I had to I had to make a decision that I could continue to be in despair.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't minimizing the pain.
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_00: But I had to come to the realization and like it's only this is gonna end one of two ways for me.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm either gonna get up from this and continue moving forward, even with the pain.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_00: Or I'm gonna just stay in this place of unforgiveness, bitterness, shame, guilt, rejection, everything, and just allow the circumstances to just swallow me up and just because there was some fighting going on between me and my wife, we newly married.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_01: All the normal things of young married people, especially, you know, instant marriage in four months, it's now all of a sudden the reality of life is hitting, and it just it's as if, you know, from 2009 to 2016, death after death after death, and you're sort of reeling from all that, trying to kind of get your feet under you spiritually, and just things keep happening.
• 44:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I I came across a scripture, Matthew 11, 28.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_00: When I when I read it, when Jesus says, Come to me, and I kind of looked at that, I'm like, this is the Son of God who's who's asking me.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_00: He's saying, Come to me.
• 44:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know, with your ladies, heavy burdens, just come to me.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_00: And so I decided that that's what I would do.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_00: And my wife noticed, she said, You love to write, you like to write, you just write, write, write, write.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_00: But I had stopped writing.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I began to just instead of writing inwardly, I started writing outwardly.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_00: Where I didn't have to, it didn't have to be pretty how how I began to process and and talk to the Lord.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_00: He just wanted me to just lay it out.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_00: If I was angry, upset, bitter.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_00: And then and as I would kept doing that, I felt relief because I I was able to get it out, how how I was feeling, whether it was shame, guilt, rejection.
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I've I carried a lot of guilt, you know, like what could I have done?
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah.
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_01: So you're you're carrying all of that, you're you're kind of processing with the Lord.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_01: Uh your communication skills with your son is a little on the weaker side, so he kind of probably is unraveling, and you're like, you're wanting to love him and show him like what's going on in your head, like how with that.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_00: Uh my regret is not reaching out to because I had a community, yeah, but I kept everything so bottled up.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_00: If I had just reached out to uh to the church and my church home, my church family, that it could have been a lot smoother.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_00: And they would have been able to help me process and relate and know how to communicate better better to my son.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because it wasn't communicated to me.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know how to communicate it to my son.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_00: You know, uh, and tell him that despite everything that was going on, I was proud of him and I loved him.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um that came later.
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 46:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 46:34
  SPEAKER_01: Talk talk to me about how like you're you're you're feeling all that.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how do you not just like just kind of like I go to that like failure zone of like, I I know I need to communicate, I'm not doing it.
• 46:46
  SPEAKER_01: And you kind of get in that spiral in your head.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_01: How did was Andrew able to sort of pull you out?
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_01: How did you lift your head towards Jesus and say, like, I know I'm broken and I can't.
• 46:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, my wife was uh she was a big encouragement.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_00: She um she was like, You you're you'll you'll help others and you'll do for others, but you won't allow others to help you.
• 47:12
  SPEAKER_01: That's powerful.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so talk to me about so like I think recently you've had a like a cool shift with Isaiah where is he in the military now?
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_00: He is in the military, he's um in the Air Force for six years.
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_00: And when he decided, I didn't pressure him.
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was a decision that he made, and that in itself was almost like a healing for me because I didn't know how he was gonna turn out, but he's turned out to be an amazing son.
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_00: Uh he loves the Air Force.
• 47:44
  SPEAKER_00: Uh he's a staff sergeant, going on seven years, and I'm so proud of him.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_00: I remember my mother from Nigeria calling me, and she said, How's your communication with your son?
• 47:53
  SPEAKER_00: Communicate with him, be be gentle.
• 47:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, just open the lines of communication.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_00: So we're we're in that process and we've communicated so much better now.
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I affirm him and I tell him that I'm proud of him.
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_00: I tell him that I love him.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_00: He heals, he hears it from me.
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_00: That I love him.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I'm proud that he's my son.
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that God has blessed me with him, you know, as a son, you know.
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_00: So um, and it was through my wife also seeing her determination and her faith uh in the Lord that I needed to be all in for Christ, despite everything.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_00: And anytime I felt like, woe is me, yeah, or what I've gone through, I get reminded of somebody else has gone through something worse than I have.
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_00: And then I also I ran it back in.
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_00: I try to rein my thoughts back in.
• 48:54
  SPEAKER_00: When I look, I think even you said it uh from the message on Sunday.
• 49:00
  SPEAKER_00: Look to Jesus.
• 49:02
  SPEAKER_00: Look at what when I begin to feel uh what I went through or what somebody else's went through, or the pain that they went through.
• 49:10
  SPEAKER_00: Well, look at what the Father gave up for me.
• 49:13
  SPEAKER_00: He gave up his son so that I could live.
• 49:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 49:17
  SPEAKER_00: Despite the pain, despite all the turmoil and everything that has happened.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's how I'm able to keep focused when I look to what Jesus went through for me.
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 49:31
  SPEAKER_01: That's wild.
• 49:32
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's when as I was talking to you, I was like, man, I don't know if any, you know, from our men's group, I was like, how many guys know the story about you?
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_01: Because there are guys that are struggling and they've got they've gone through loss, but nowhere near as much as as you have.
• 49:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's the encouragement that like that there is life on the other side of pain.
• 49:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, because in in the middle of your pain, you sort of can feel like this is all there is, and I'll never get over this, and there'll there'll never be joy again.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_01: And how can anyone like like it's just sad?
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_01: Everything's sad, it'll never be good, it's just always bad.
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_01: And for you, you've really overcome that in in such a really sweet way.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_01: And now your life is all about uh serving others.
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I just like you have such a service aspect.
• 50:21
  SPEAKER_01: I think just your ability to listen and then share your story is kind of what I'm hoping that people will gravitate toward you and be like, hey, Kenneth, let me take you to lunch.
• 50:29
  SPEAKER_01: I want you to tell me your story.
• 50:30
  SPEAKER_01: How here's what I'm dealing with, and then you can kind of wrestle with that with them.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, and it's also for me being in a community of believers has become a lifeline for me.
• 50:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 50:45
  SPEAKER_00: Uh with the men's group here at Wells Branch.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 50:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because my wife sometimes we'll sit and talk, I'm like, since we've gotten here, she said, look at what you've become involved in in ways that I haven't.
• 50:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_00: When you think God isn't working, he is working.
• 51:01
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and he's worked in so many ways since we've arrived there in Texas.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_00: And all he's he's he's ever asked me to do is just take one day at a time and trust him with each day.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_00: Don't worry about tomorrow.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_00: Focus on today, take it one step, one minute at a time, and continue moving forward, you know, and just being with, because if I were isolate myself, my wife said, Stop isolating yourself.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because when I was isolating myself, uh, guilt would sit in.
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_00: My thoughts would be kind of all over the place.
• 51:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm starting thinking about this and thinking about that.
• 51:39
  SPEAKER_00: And some of the guys, even in the men's group, would say, Hey, we haven't seen you.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_00: And you did.
• 51:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I need to get back up and go.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because if I isolate myself, that gives the enemy a foothold.
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 51:52
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and my thoughts can go all over the place, and I need to be around other brothers and men of God.
• 51:59
  SPEAKER_00: Not perfect at all, but still, they still love the Lord.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_00: So good.
• 52:06
  SPEAKER_00: Despite, despite the pain, despite, because we all, uh I heard a pastor once say is we all are an at something.
• 52:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 52:15
  SPEAKER_00: That we all go through something.
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_00: We've all been through something.
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, but continue to trust in God, even in the pain, even in the weaknesses, you know.
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 52:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm encouraged by the fact that there are there is a body of believers and churches that that love the Lord despite, because I'm like, everybody has something that they're dealing with.
• 52:42
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody's got something.
• 52:42
  SPEAKER_00: But you can you can continue having that joy despite the pain.
• 52:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's what I try to do is just like remind myself of the promises of God, the faithfulness of God, because he's been faithful to me, even when I've been unfaithful, even when I didn't want anything to do with him.
• 53:03
  SPEAKER_00: He just beckons me.
• 53:04
  SPEAKER_00: He said, just come to me and talk with me.
• 53:08
  SPEAKER_00: I already know what you're feeling, I already know what you're thinking.
• 53:11
  SPEAKER_00: Just tell me.
• 53:12
  SPEAKER_00: And when I'm able to do that, I feel so much better.
• 53:14
  SPEAKER_01: Tell me what your prayer life looks like.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_00: What does that look like for you to give the Lord?
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_00: It can be so much better.
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why the men's group challenges me.
• 53:23
  SPEAKER_00: I get convicted that each day that I have, I need to give it to God first.
• 53:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because I wasn't doing that.
• 53:33
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, but when I have done it, I can just like I can feel the peace of God.
• 53:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 53:39
  SPEAKER_01: That surpasses all understanding.
• 53:40
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 53:41
  SPEAKER_00: Guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.
• 53:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I've told my wife, and I've told others that well, you can't experience, and I can't experience the peace of God and the presence of God if I'm not spending any time with God.
• 53:53
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 53:54
  SPEAKER_00: I have to get to knowing of God is not the same as knowing him.
• 53:57
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_00: And the only way I'm gonna get to know him is by spending time with him.
• 54:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like with my wife.
• 54:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 54:03
  SPEAKER_00: And how we came together, I didn't just automatically know her.
• 54:07
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 54:07
  SPEAKER_00: We had to spend time together to get to know each other.
• 54:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what God wants.
• 54:11
  SPEAKER_00: He says, come to me and talk to me and let me spend time within you, spend time with me.
• 54:16
  SPEAKER_00: He said, Don't talk.
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_00: Don't talk with me.
• 54:18
  SPEAKER_00: Talk.
• 54:19
  SPEAKER_00: Don't talk at me.
• 54:20
  SPEAKER_00: He says, talk with me.
• 54:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 54:21
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 54:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 54:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so uh even this morning I was encouraged, it's like, and I felt like a shift for me because I was able to share with my mother some things that I had bottled up.
• 54:33
  SPEAKER_00: And now I feel that I'm ready to, despite I don't know what tomorrow's gonna bring, but the word of God says, with God, all things are possible.
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_00: And not to just say it, Chris, but believe because the word of God is active, it is alive.
• 54:51
  SPEAKER_00: And if I truly believe that I'm gonna hold on to the word of God, I'm gonna hold on to the promises of God.
• 54:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, God, this is what you have said, and this is what you said you would do.
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_00: You said you would never leave me.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_00: You would never forsake me.
• 55:04
  SPEAKER_00: Even if people do, God said he would never leave me nor forsake me.
• 55:09
  SPEAKER_00: So that those promises.
• 55:11
  SPEAKER_00: You can lean into those.
• 55:12
  SPEAKER_00: I can lean into those.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_00: They strengthen me, they encourage me.
• 55:15
  SPEAKER_00: The body of believers, the church, the church family encourages me to just continue going on, Chris.
• 55:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 55:22
  SPEAKER_01: So this the Nigerian mom, is she from Nigerian descent and lives in the US or actually lives in Nigeria?
• 55:28
  SPEAKER_00: She's from Nigeria.
• 55:30
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 55:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I just reached out to her this morning.
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_00: And she reached out to me last week as a mother because I was feeling bad because I wasn't out there.
• 55:39
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't able to run because my knee is hurting.
• 55:41
  SPEAKER_00: And she noticed something on a picture, video that my wife sent her.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_00: And in a loving way, she says, My son, have you stopped exercising?
• 55:51
  SPEAKER_00: She said, you're putting on weight.
• 55:53
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 55:54
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it's not healthy.
• 55:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because we have a tendency, I have a tendency, we want to give God the praise and glorify him in so many ways.
• 56:03
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm sure I'm supposed to also glorify him with how I take care of my body.
• 56:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 56:07
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what my mother was telling me.
• 56:10
  SPEAKER_00: You need to take better care of your physical health.
• 56:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's beautiful.
• 56:14
  SPEAKER_00: And what you're putting into your body because you're supposed to let God be the Lord over everything concerning you.
• 56:22
  SPEAKER_01: That's so good, Kenneth.
• 56:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 56:24
  SPEAKER_01: I think we can all, especially on the food aspect, lean into that one a little bit.
• 56:28
  SPEAKER_01: That's really good.
• 56:29
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 56:30
  SPEAKER_01: So after all this, you can say that God is good.
• 56:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 56:35
  SPEAKER_00: I listened to one of your podcasts.
• 56:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think it was early today, and the title was God is good.
• 56:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I listened to it, and I'm like, we have a tendency to say God is good, and all the time God is good.
• 56:50
  SPEAKER_00: I say, and I was asking myself, well, do you do you really believe God is good?
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I say, yes, God is good.
• 56:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 56:57
  SPEAKER_00: And all the time He is, you know?
• 57:00
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 57:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like if you someone's probably right now, they're going through something.
• 57:06
  SPEAKER_01: They're they're um they're single, they want to be married, that it doesn't look like it's gonna happen.
• 57:11
  SPEAKER_01: They're they're they have they want a child that's not happening.
• 57:16
  SPEAKER_01: They're they're sitting on the precipice of death in some in some form or some sickness.
• 57:21
  SPEAKER_01: What wisdom, after all you've been through, would you want to pass on to someone that's just right in that midst of the struggle, no matter what kind of struggle it is?
• 57:34
  unknown: Thank you.
• 57:36
  SPEAKER_00: I would say, especially when it comes to this this perception of that people can have about God, or why would a got a loving God allow this?
• 57:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 57:46
  SPEAKER_00: Or why would a loving God allow that?
• 57:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I always point back to what what he did for me, and that and when even when people will say, Well, well, I don't believe in your God, and I would like, have you even given him a chance?
• 58:06
  SPEAKER_00: Just because you don't believe in something doesn't mean it's not true.
• 58:09
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 58:10
  SPEAKER_00: Have you given God just an opportunity?
• 58:13
  SPEAKER_00: I would say, just no matter where you're at in life or what you're dealing with, if you would just come to God and just with whatever hang-ups, hiccups, whatever it is, struggles that you're facing or dealing with, just give him a try.
• 58:37
  SPEAKER_00: And it may not instantaneously things change, but if we just trust him and give him an opportunity, he'll he'll transform you.
• 58:52
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, and that's the and that's the thing I want to get out of everything that I've gone through, the intimacy and being transformed to to just be almost like a a walking Jesus on the earth to let people know that in the word of God, Jeremiah says, I'm the God of all flesh.
• 59:15
  SPEAKER_00: Is there anything too hard for me?
• 59:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Absolutely nothing is too hard for you, God.
• 59:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I would tell people, God can do anything and everything but fail.
• 59:25
  SPEAKER_00: I can fail you, people will fail you, but God can never fail you.
• 59:29
  SPEAKER_00: Just give them a chance, give them a try.
• 59:32
  SPEAKER_01: All right, would you mind praying just for listeners out there, just specifically for those who are dealing with death and the sadness uh that comes with that?
• 59:41
  SPEAKER_01: Would you pray for that?
• 59:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, right now, whoever may be listening uh to this, um I I'm just I'm just a voice.
• 59:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I will say no matter what you're going through, no matter what you experience.
• 1:00:00
  SPEAKER_00: Experiencing the pain, the hurt, the tragedy, the grief.
• 1:00:05
  SPEAKER_00: That God loves you.
• 1:00:08
  SPEAKER_00: He loves you more than you could know than I could know.
• 1:00:14
  SPEAKER_00: His love is never ending.
• 1:00:18
  SPEAKER_00: He's ready to meet you right where you are.
• 1:00:22
  SPEAKER_00: And that you don't have to change anything about what you feel or what you have done or what you are going through.
• 1:00:29
  SPEAKER_00: God loves you.
• 1:00:31
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing that you can do, I can do, we can do, that can change his love.
• 1:00:42
  SPEAKER_00: And he loves you so, so much.
• 1:00:46
  SPEAKER_00: Come to him, give him a try.
• 1:00:48
  SPEAKER_00: Give him an opportunity to love on you.
• 1:00:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because he's able to meet you right where you're at.
• 1:00:56
  SPEAKER_00: I pray that whatever you're going through, whatever you're feeling, to just give God a try.
• 1:01:03
  SPEAKER_00: You know, because he loves you so much and he wants to have a relationship with you.
• 1:01:08
  SPEAKER_00: And he'll be right there with you.
• 1:01:09
  SPEAKER_00: He won't leave you, he won't forsake you.
• 1:01:12
  SPEAKER_00: He promised it.
• 1:01:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I believe what the word of God has promised, that what he has promised, he is faithful to do because he's God.
• 1:01:21
  SPEAKER_00: He's bigger, he's better than anything we deal with or go through.
• 1:01:26
  SPEAKER_00: And his love for you is never ending.
• 1:01:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I pray all this in Jesus' name.
• 1:01:31
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 1:01:32
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, thanks so much for watching.
• 1:01:34
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, if you got any questions, you can text at 737 231 0605.
• 1:01:38
  SPEAKER_01: We'd love to hear from you.
• 1:01:39
  SPEAKER_01: We can be bringing Kenneth back and hear more about what that's like.
• 1:01:43
  SPEAKER_01: But from our house to yours, have an awesome week.
• 1:01:46
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.