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the more you help a narcissist the more they take advantage of you · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on beautiful people Welcome to another
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  episode of the Narcissist Code. I'm your favorite selfaware
• 0:07
  narcissist, Mr. Lee Hammock better known as mental illness
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  across all social media platforms.
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  This your first time to see my face or hear hear my lovely
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  voice. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist underneath my platform on social media to
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  raise awareness for NPD, get more people in the therapy and
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  also validate the victims, survivors and thrivers of said
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  disorder, said Talk to people. Said talk to dress.
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  Today's episode is going to be entitled.
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  The more you help a narcissist, the more you that the more that
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  narcissistic person feels like you enable their behaviors, the
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  more they feel like you are okay with their behaviors and
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  whatnot. Y'all.
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  And this is not cutting me calling you an enabler of kind
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  of victim shame. This is me saying and the mind
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  of a narcissist. The more you help me, the more
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  you are okay with how I treat you and things like that.
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  So before we dig deep into today's episode, y'all take a
• 0:53
  look at the new shirt from the Self Love brand Impact Over
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  Intent. This is like blue.
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  This is a light blue version of it.
• 1:00
  I'm having my my mic right here, but it says intent.
• 1:04
  You can see it right now. Impact over intent, available
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  from the Self Love brand. Link is in the description of
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  every video and podcast that I do.
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  But let me reattach to this mic. Let me reattach.
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  But yeah, so let's hop into it. Y'all.
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  The more you help a narcissist or the more you are there for a
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  narcissist, the more you stay with them after they've done
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  something horrible to you, the more they think that you were
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  okay with the behavior. Y'all.
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  It's just like we know. A lot of of us know that
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  narcissistic people have, you know, a lot of us have black and
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  white thinking. It's just this simplistic
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  mindset. Sometimes it's not super simple,
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  but it's a very simplistic mindset of a narcissistic person
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  that like, why are you with me If you think I'm treating you
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  badly, why do you keep helping me?
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  You you see what I'm saying? I know you as an empathetic
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  person. You might be a kind empathetic
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  person. You might consider yourself an
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  empath, but overall at the end you sorry, y'all, excuse me.
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  But overall at the end, you want to help the narcissistic person.
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  You might see a broken person who might you think might have
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  had a bad childhood. You're like, oh, they had a bad
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  childhood. So I want to be there, so I want
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  to help them and things like that, which is which is a good
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  thing. But y'all, narcissistic people,
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  toxic people, Narcissist will weaponize your empathy against
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  you. The more you help me, the more I
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  will use that against you. You see what I'm saying?
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  It's like the more energy you put into this nuclear, this
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  cracked nuclear reactor that's going to explode, like nuclear
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  fission is going to happen, I'm going to go nuclear and erupt
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  and explode or whatever, you know, I'm going to melt down
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  eventually. And you're giving me energy.
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  Like you're supposed to take the energy away.
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  You give me energy to to to continue to melt down, so to
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  speak. You're lighting.
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  You're igniting the fuse to help me explode my life.
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  You know what I mean? I'm just saying as it like if
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  you keep constantly forgiving me because you think I need help,
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  you are enabling my behaviors. In my mind, you're just like
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  okay. I cheated on you, right?
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  You took me back because I told you I needed help and you wanted
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  to help me, but you don't know how that Let's rewind this real
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  quick. I feel a rat bubble coming up.
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  How are you supposed to help somebody out when you like?
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  I just thought they needed help. Like how you how you help in
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  your mind when you want to help someone.
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  What are you thinking? Like what are you like Seriously
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  I need you like this is again y'all y'all know.
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  I'm not trying to victim shame victim like I feel like you have
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  to look internally right here so do it.
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  I always tell people when I'm doing one on ones over zoom.
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  I tell people you have to do an internal scan Scan internally to
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  see how you feel. So scan.
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  I need to do scan internally right now and think about it.
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  Will you want to help a narcissist?
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  How are you supposed to help? What are you supposed to be
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  doing to help other than being there for them and allowing them
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  to treat you horribly? What are you doing to help?
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  Like in your mind when you say I want I need to help them.
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  I feel like they needed help. What is your what is your end
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  goal? Like how are you supposed to
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  help them? Like seriously write it down.
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  How am I supposed to help this person by other than forgive?
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  Constantly forgiving them? Am I supposed to push them to
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  therapy? Am I supposed to push them to go
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  seek counseling, go to Alcoholics Anonymous?
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  Am I supposed to push them and deal with it for years and years
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  and years and see no positive aspects of it?
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  What are you supposed to be doing to helping you out?
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  Think about it. If you're not a psychologist or
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  therapist or counselor yourself and you've not, I don't think
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  it's ethically okay to. I don't know.
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  Is it ethically okay to treat your significant other as a
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  patient? You see what I'm saying?
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  I don't think you have the tools to help a narcissist the toxic
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  purse. I don't think you do.
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  And I know people. I don't want to abandon them.
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  Yeah, you're not abandoning people when you choose yourself.
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  Don't feel like sometimes you outgrow people.
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  Like if you are a big beautiful oak tree, a tree that's been
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  around for, I don't know how old you are, you might be 2530,
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  forty, 5067 years old if you are beautiful oak tree.
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  Throughout life, if you look at the trees in your front yard or
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  in the woods, they lose branches all the time.
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  But when they lose a branch, do they stop growing?
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  When your tree. When a tree loses a branch, does
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  it stop growing? No, the tree doesn't stop
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  growing. The branches fall off all the
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  time. And that tree keeps growing.
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  Beautiful in a new branch, sometimes grows to replace it.
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  You know what I mean? That narcissistic toxic person
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  in your life is a branch. They're a branch on your
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  beautiful oak tree. Or if you don't like oak, choose
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  a different type of tree. Lee.
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  Iceland oak trees. Well, choose a different tree.
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  Ficus, bamboo tree. Whatever you want to be.
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  Bamboo. Stop whatever you want to be.
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  Choose that right to choose that dynamic.
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  Choose what you feel like the tree you have, but like you lose
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  a branch, you keep growing. That narcissistic person is a
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  branch. You don't need to help them.
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  You. When have you ever seen a tree
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  lose a branch and start growing to bend over to pick the branch
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  up? When have you seen a plant do
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  that? When have you seen a beautiful
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  flower do that? We have you seen a flower do
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  that? You don't have to be a tree.
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  You can be a flower. Like when have you seen a rose
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  Bush of somebody comes and picks the Rose off or the Rose falls
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  off? We have you seen the Rose
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  bushes? Like a hey friendly rose bushes.
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  I'm going to lean over and pick this rose up so they can
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  reattach. No trees don't need to reattach
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  branches to keep growing. You see what I'm saying?
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  Sometimes the sometimes the branch is infected and dies and
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  it's going to take the tree with it.
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  That's what the narcissistic person is.
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  You want to help them. Ask yourself what are you
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  supposed to be doing to help? I need when if they ask if they
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  come to you and say say hey, I need help, I need some help.
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  What are you supposed to do to help?
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  Ask them. Like how am I supposed to help
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  you? You still you keep talking about
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  I need help. What are you supposed to do?
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  How could I help you? Don't leave me.
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  You can just stay here with me and help me here.
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  No. The hell you.
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  Now we're cussing back. No, you cannot stay with them to
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  help them heal. They're using you as a as a
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  proxy. Then now they they know if they
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  does something horrible to you. They know you don't trust them,
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  and in turn they don't trust you.
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  They, from this point forward, they're looking for somebody to
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  replace you. Especially if they cheated on
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  you or nothing. They're horrible to you.
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  You know what I mean? How are you supposed to help
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  them, right? I know.
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  Look, how are you supposed to help?
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  Y'all ask yourself. Because do internal scan.
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  How am I supposed to help you? What am I supposed to do to help
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  you? You keep telling me I need help.
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  Don't leave me. I need some help.
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  I just need help with myself. What are you supposed to do?
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  Y'all because they have to seek help on their own.
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  They have to want to fix them. They have to want to work on
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  themselves. You can't do that.
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  I need a therapist, man. I need a therapist.
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  Go get one. What the hell you want?
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  You want to find a therapist? You want to find a grown ass
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  person or therapist? No, they have.
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  They Oh my goodness, precious. Y'all.
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  I'm just so irritated. You can't help them.
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  You can't. They have to want to help
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  themselves with The more you help, the more you try to help
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  by staying with them, the more they feel like you're not going
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  to leave them, the more they feel like they can get away with
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  and the worse they feel like they can treat you and
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  everything be OK. That's how the mindset of a
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  narcissistic person works. They want to take advantage of
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  you. They want you to stay with them
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  through the BS, through the thick and thin.
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  You have to have the good. You have to have the best
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  relationships suffer. The best couples suffer.
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  No, the best couples don't suffer.
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  Suffering means one person is putting the other person through
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  some BS. The other person stays with it
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  because they feel like they're helping.
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  You're not helping. You're not helping.
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  You're not helping. Y'all, You can't help them.
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  They have to want to help themselves.
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  I have to help myself. My wife can't help me.
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  You know what she did to help me?
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  She packed her stuff up and she bounced.
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  Well, she did. To help, she removed herself
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  from the equation. She took the she had a tree.
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  I was a branch. I fell off.
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  I fell off her tree. Right.
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  Believe. How did you Did she bend over to
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  pick you back up? No, y'all she didn't bend over
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  to pick you back up. I was a branch on.
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  I was a branch on her tree. But I fell and start growing my
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  own roots and start planting my own seeds.
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  I grew myself. She didn't help me.
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  She didn't water me. She didn't flower me.
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  She didn't feed me nutrients from the same soil.
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  I did that. I go to therapy to work on
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  myself. She didn't find me a therapist.
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  She didn't do none of that. Y'all.
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  So how are you supposed to help? I I got to find them.
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  Look, if they're not even putting any any effort in to
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  help themselves, they just expect you to do it.
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  They are using you and wasting your damn time.
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  Open your eyes. Now this is the I open the video
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  right here. Open your goddamn eyes right now
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  and look how you supposed to help them.
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  When they said I just need some help, Lee, I just.
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  I thought I could fix them. I could.
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  I thought I could fix. How the hell are you supposed to
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  fix somebody else? Y'all what tools do you have to
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  pick somebody else? Oh, I got love.
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  I got love ain't enough. Come on.
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  Y'all. I know I feel like I'm
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  chastising y'all but I want y'all I'm really really y'all.
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  I really want to help somebody to be so many people.
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  I want to help people by pushing them to go to therapy.
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  I want to help people who are dealing with toxic gas people.
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  I want to put help them by giving you the tools to the
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  tools necessary and the information necessary for you to
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  make a decision and leave. I can't make you leave you
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  something I'm doing. I'm doing it right now for you.
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  I'm giving you the tools and the information provided, enough
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  information for you to make a decision on your own whether or
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  not you want to leave or stay. You see what I'm saying?
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  That's what I do. I'm doing that.
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  I'm doing it on a Mac Pro level. I'm just like, hey, look, here's
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  the tools here, here's the tools, here's the knowledge you
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  need. Here's the information, here's
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  some you may you can make your own decision right now, but you
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  have to make it on your own. I can't force you to leave.
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  I can't force you to stay. You see what I'm saying?
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  That's what I'm doing. I do that and I take I step
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  away. It's your journey.
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  You have to choose how to live. You get one life to live if you
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  want to live it. Serving somebody else and
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  wasting your time being angry yourself, regretting your life
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  because you only get one life. You want to regret your life for
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  this toxic person. For what?
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  For y'all love ain't enough. Religion ain't enough.
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  God didn't put you here to suffer.
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  God put his only begotten son. He.
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  It's in the Bible. Y'all He put his only begotten
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  son to suffer for for our sins. His Son suffer for sins.
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  If you believe in God or Jesus, his son suffer. 5 says not you.
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  You don't have to suffer for your toxic ass partner's sins.
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  You don't have to. You can't help them.
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  Y'all like y'all looking at Jesus.
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  God didn't even help Jesus, but he was on the cross.
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  You see what I'm saying? Come on.
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  Y'all, Please, please feel this. I'm from the heart in this
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  video. I'm irritating.
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  I'm mad. Y'all come on now.
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  Please, please, please please. You can't help them.
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  They have to want to help themselves.
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  They have to find a therapist on their own.
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  You can't find a therapist for them.
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  That means they're not. They're not even putting the if
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  they don't even put in the effort in to find a therapist.
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  They don't want help. They don't want help.
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  They want an enabler. They want an extra leg to stand.
• 11:40
  Now being with y'all, I don't rambled on too long.
• 11:42
  Y'all don't like to keep these videos around. 1112 thirty
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  minutes Impact over intent I want to have a great impact on
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  the world. My intent is to leave.
• 11:52
  My intent has helped a lot of people and I hope my impact is
• 11:54
  reflecting that. Y'all available in a self love
• 11:56
  shop like and subscribe for more mental illness is out piece.
• 12:01
  What is going on beautiful people.
• 12:02
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video, watching
• 12:05
  it all way through. Y'all If you haven't already, go
• 12:08
  ahead, go ahead and hit that subscribe button.
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• 12:12
  whatnot and so we can help reach more people.
• 12:15
  Like I said in the beginning, the Self Love brand is
• 12:17
  available. I have a self love journal
• 12:19
  that's available on Amazon as well to help you rebuild that
• 12:22
  self love Lee Hammock. I love me on Amazon and whatnot.
• 12:26
  Also do one on ones over zoom and such as well.
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  Y'all like and subscribe for award.
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  But then this is out feast.