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Is It Possible For a Narcissist To Learn Empathy? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  Can a narcissist learn empathy? I know that's what y'all
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  wondering y'all? Y'all keep dropping into my
• 0:06
  comment section. Lee, can you please answer this
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  one question for me? It's never just one question
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  though. Is this a bunch of them as we
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  talk about today? Y'all?
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  Of course. If you're new here, Lee Hammock,
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  diagnosed narcissist. Welcome to the another episode
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  of the Narcissist Code. Let's get it.
• 0:36
  So boom, welcome back folks, welcome back, welcome back.
• 0:38
  If you listen, if you're listening to this on Spotify,
• 0:40
  please go ahead and hit that subscribe button.
• 0:43
  I got a lot more interesting content coming for y'all
• 0:44
  directly to Spotify and the audio type of stuff as well.
• 0:48
  YouTube, y'all better hit the subscribe button, dude, thank
• 0:50
  you. But yeah, empathy, empathy,
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  empathy. What is empathy?
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  Can a narcissist learn it as y'all, Most of y'all know that
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  most narcissists, like a lot of narcissists have a lack of
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  empathy, right? A lot of narcissists have a just
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  a distinct lack of empathy. They just we just don't have it
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  right. And if you look Google empathy,
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  it's the ability to sense other people's emotions coupled with
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  the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking
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  or feeling. That's a mouthful right there.
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  But it's also what narcissists lack, the ability to sense other
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  people's emotions or understand them for that point of from that
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  point of view. Right there, right?
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  It's how to say this for me, and I learned this in Australia.
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  I can't think of the doctor's name.
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  When I was in Australia, in Sydney, Australia a couple years
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  ago filming for SBS Insight, there's a doctor on the show
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  that talked about the two different forms of empathy,
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  cognitive empathy and effective emotional empathy.
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  Cognitive, effective, emotional. You see what I'm saying?
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  So if emotional empathy is probably what most people think
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  about, when you think of empathy, the ability to feel
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  other people's feelings, effective empathy, the ability
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  to sense what other people are feeling.
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  You something feel in the sense it, you understand it, you get
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  into it. That's why a lot of times when
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  you possess a lot of empathy, you consider yourself a what an
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  empath you were kind, caring, compassionate.
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  You consider yourself a what an empath, right?
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  Narcissist, don't we? I just even me right now, I've
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  always, I've always had more empathy that I think than
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  average narcissist. And my therapist would agree
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  with that, right? That's not me.
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  Just trying to say, y'all know I'm better than the other
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  narcissist, right? Y'all do know that, right?
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  I'm better than other narcissist.
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  I've always had more empathy that right.
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  That's not what I'm saying. That's literally not what I'm
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  saying. What I what I'm saying is that a
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  lot of narcissists really do lack the ability to get deep.
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  And I said I could. I've always had more empathy.
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  I just really have cared about people.
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  I've wanted to help people way before I got diagnosed with
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  narcissistic personality disorder.
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  You go to my personal Facebook page, you'll see just that that
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  I'm literally out there on a page is trying to inspire
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  people, helping people, doing all types of stuff like that.
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  I've always had empathy because I care.
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  I've always cared about a lot of people.
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  Right now I care more about the people that are close to me.
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  I feel more empathy for them than just regular runners.
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  Me a person, right? So I don't think most
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  narcissists have it. And I I don't think and just
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  also just from looking online and doing some research, that's
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  not something you can pick up later, later on in life, right?
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  Unless you, unless you can rewire your brain, Empathy,
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  emotional empathy is something that you learn in childhood.
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  And you know, a lot of narcissists, not all and a lot
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  of narcissists have traumatic childhoods.
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  There's things that we go through in our childhood that
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  affects us and shapes us and turns us into who we are.
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  It turns us into who we are. It makes us, it makes us become
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  who we are. Like we go into self-defense
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  mode from very, we were very young.
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  So we have to focus on on our own emotions and how we feel and
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  how to protect ourselves other than what other people are going
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  through. You see what I'm saying?
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  That's why we don't have much emotional empathy because we
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  have to worry about ourselves. We're traumatized.
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  Something that's happened to us. We were not taught that we had a
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  horrible household that we grew up in.
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  There was no empathy was given. There's an abusive household
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  that we live in. My mom's beat my dad's ass.
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  My dad is cheating, my mom beat my mom ass.
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  Like there's no love here. There's no empathy here.
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  So I had to learn how to defend myself and to survive.
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  So a lot of narcissists are not going to have that in their from
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  their childhood into the adulthood.
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  And like I said, it's not something that you can just pick
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  up later on. Like, you know what, I got more
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  empathy now. It's not how it happens.
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  Now the let's go to the, the cognitive empathy.
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  Like I've cognitive empathy for me in the way described by this
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  therapist in in Sydney, Australia.
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  Cognitive empathy is the ability to see.
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  You can see what other people are feeling.
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  You can understand their feelings.
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  You know, I might not feel it, but I can understand how you got
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  here. I can understand why you would
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  feel this way. I get it.
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  I'm not deeply connected to it like I'm if you start crying in
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  front of me, although I know that you are crying, I know why
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  you are crying. I'm not going to cry with you.
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  I don't feel that. I see it, I understand that, I
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  get it, but I'm not going to cry with you because it doesn't
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  affect me directly. You see what I'm saying?
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  That's why I think most narcissists can learn.
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  Notice the notice the emphasis on the can.
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  You can learn, not will can possibly very little.
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  You have to put the work in y'all in order to be it.
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  Get any type of empathy, cognitive empathy, whatever
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  right? You have to be willing to be
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  vulnerable. How can you be have more empathy
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  when you're not vulnerable at all?
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  You have 0 vulnerability none. How the hell you got what how we
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  expecting to have empathy when you get you you, you're not
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  vulnerable at all. You have to open up in order to
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  feel, in order to sense, you have to be able to open up on a
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  deeper level. So if you're not willing to open
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  up, how the hell are you going to feel anything?
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  How I would love to know, help me understand how you're
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  supposed to feel more empathy if you're not willing to open up.
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  Think about that right there. If you're not willing to open up
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  how you supposed to feel anymore?
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  You have to be able to be vulnerable.
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  That narcissist toxic person, whoever it is in your life has
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  to be able to be vulnerable because if they cannot be
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  vulnerable, then they cannot open up.
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  They cannot learn any empathy. How how how I could be real.
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  I could absolutely be wrong. I'm I'm willing to be wrong.
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  Prove me wrong. Prove me wrong.
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  You know what I mean? How and this is not me trying to
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  down. This is not me trying to
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  downplay any narcissistic person out there.
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  I actually sidebar. Come over here, narcissist.
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  Come on over here. Narcissist.
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  You're a narcissist watching this.
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  Somebody called you a narcissist.
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  You're watching this. Come on over here.
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  Come on, have a seat. Not in my lap.
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  This is a single person chair. Sit on the arm of the chair
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  right here. OK, now that you're here, what's
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  going how you expect to be better?
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  If you're not willing to feel, if this person that you're with
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  right now is loving you, caring for you, has forgiven some
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  unforgivable stuff, how are you? Like you said, if they if they
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  are forgiving unforgivable things, then what the hell are
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  you doing here? You know what I mean?
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  What are we doing here? What's the goal here?
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  What's what's the what's the how are we supposed to get here in
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  this space? What are we doing?
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  How do we get here? That's literally, that's
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  literally the point right there. How do we get to this space?
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  How do we get to this point? How you have to be willing to
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  build, you have to be willing to feel.
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  You have to be willing to get to this point right here, but you
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  have to be willing to open up if you're going to be.
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  If you're going to close up your heart, then you're going to be
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  alone. This person is going to leave
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  you and they absolutely should because you have a closed heart.
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  They what the hell? Why would they waste more time
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  with you if you're not willing to open up?
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  Why would they waste any another second of time on you?
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  Why would they waste their youth or their golden years on your
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  shut down ass who's doing nothing for them?
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  Only I pay for stuff. Who gives a fuck if you paying
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  for something? What about their heart?
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  What about their feelings? You see what I'm saying?
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  I pay for everything, OK? You can pay for that.
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  You are you the only who can pay for everything, huh?
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  Open up. You got to be real.
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  You got to take accountability. You can't keep shutting down
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  vulnerability. You In order to be vulnerable,
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  you have to be accountable. You did wrong.
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  Take the take blaming them out of the out of the equation.
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  You have done wrong and it's not their fault.
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  Say it. OK, get open up.
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  Thanks for being here. That me that me up.
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  That me up. OK, cool.
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  But serious Al, for me, I've always had a level of emotional
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  empathy, but through therapy and being able to be vulnerable and
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  hold myself accountable, I've been able to open myself up to
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  having more empathy. You see what I'm saying?
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  Having more of it, possessing more empathy, having it,
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  possessing it. I love it.
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  I love it, right? This is what I have going on.
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  This is who I am. This is the space that I've
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  fallen into. I love helping people, y'all.
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  I love it. I get a high from helping
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  people. I don't know a lot of people
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  don't understand that, but I absolutely do.
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  I get a high from helping people.
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  I love it. But Lee, you get supply for
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  helping people. Yeah, I love watching people who
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  I who I've helped, who I've coached over the years get
• 9:58
  married. Like, damn, you got married.
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  Wow, Deb, you left that touched relationship.
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  You happy now? Oh, not even if you get married.
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  If you're traveling by yourself, if you having a healthy time by
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  yourself, if you enjoying life by yourself, right.
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  This is what goes on the space you have to understand you space
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  you have to learn this baby steps in the right direction in
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  order to get to where you want to go.
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  I promise you man, like I want to help you.
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  Unless I do one on ones with narcissist as well.
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  Like if you're a narcissist, I do coaching calls with
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  narcissist too. I talk to him, I tell you my
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  story. I tell you how I got to this
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  point. I tell you what works for me,
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  what doesn't work for me. You know what I'm saying?
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  But that's why I've got to this point, man.
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  Can a narcissist learn empathy? Cognitive empathy is an opening.
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  But sometimes you might, sometimes they might be too far
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  gone. They might be too far up the
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  spectrum to get any, any type of help, to seek any type of help
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  because they're too, like, I'm not trying to say they're too
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  broken, but some shit has happened in their lives that has
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  made them who they are. Something has happened in their
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  life to make them who they are, y'all.
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  And I'm just, I'm not saying it to make excuses for their
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  behaviors, but sometimes they have to be the ones to deal
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  with. Not sometimes all the time.
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  They had to be the one to deal with it.
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  How you were raised is not your fault.
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  How you are as an adult now, hey, we have some questions to
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  answer right? We get through different points.
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  Hey, we got we got some things you got to work on right?
• 11:17
  Anyways, y'all, I appreciate y'all so damn much.
• 11:20
  If you want to follow, if you're on YouTube watching this, if you
• 11:22
  want to follow my longer podcast, make sure to go to the
• 11:25
  mental illness podcast on YouTube.
• 11:29
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• 11:31
  the mental hill. This podcast, the longer
• 11:33
  episodes are going to be here too.
• 11:34
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• 11:35
  Just make sure you hit the subscribe button wherever you're
• 11:37
  watching this. Leave a comment on Spotify.
• 11:40
  I'm watching all the comments everywhere.
• 11:41
  Y'all hit the subscribe button. Mental illness.net for my
• 11:44
  coaching, my calls and everything, my support groups,
• 11:46
  all things y'all and I'm out. Peace.