Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #611 I'll Do Better Tomorrow

Transcript

#611 I'll Do Better Tomorrow · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: once answers.
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: Now, when it's holidays and you book a holiday, make
• 0:13
  Speaker 3: sure that you're available for the holiday. Don't book, don't
• 0:16
  Speaker 3: pay the money, and don't send your family away while
• 0:18
  Speaker 3: you go somewhere else and do work.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: And now here's the stars of our show, My mum
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: and dad.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: Hello, this is Justin. I'm here with Kylie.
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: We are so excited that it's Friday and that we
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: get to tell you all about what life is like
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: in the Courson Home with our old do Better Tomorrow episode.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Just before we do. I'm very very excited.
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: Well actually I'm kind of a bit sad, but two
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: big things are happening today and tomorrow. I'm shooting off
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: on an aeroplane shortly heading to Sydney for the Positive
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: Education and Schools Association Conference. It's being held in one
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: of the really wonderful, wonderful schools on the north shore
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: of Sydney, and I'm going to be a speaker there,
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: so I'm really looking forward to talking about how educators
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: can bring more wellbeing strategies into the classroom so that
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: our kids can thrive and then tomorrow the Resilient Kids Conference.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be in Melbourne for that.
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: If you haven't looked it up, if you if you're
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: in Melbourne and you can make it, this is going
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: to be an absolute hum digger, Kylie Humdinger.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: How long's it been since somebody talked about being Humdinger.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: It's going to be a.
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: Humdinger of a conference. I'm just just saying it's going
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: to be fantastic. And then I get home on Saturday
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: night so I can be with my family again, that's
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: the nature of what we do.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: So if I'm for your birthday, oh, I can't believe
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: you brought that up.
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: Okay, so I'm having my birthday this weekend as well.
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: We have our birthdays three days apart.
• 1:33
  Speaker 4: But the reason that I'm sharing all of that is
• 1:34
  Speaker 4: because if you work for a school, or if your
• 1:36
  Speaker 4: kids go to a school where you think it'd be
• 1:38
  Speaker 4: awesome to have me show up and do some work
• 1:40
  Speaker 4: with teachers, with parents, even with the students, you can
• 1:43
  Speaker 4: get in touch with this info at Happy Families dot
• 1:46
  Speaker 4: com dot au and let us know about it.
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: Because I love to visit people and give talks and
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: inspiration and help families to be happier and help teachers
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: to make their classrooms hum and all that kind of thing.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: All right, every Friday, Kyler, let's get to do it.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: Every Friday. We call it. I'll do better tomorrow.
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: This is where we probably give you too close a look.
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: We overshare and give you way too much information about
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: what's happening in our family as we try to be
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: intentional parents and give you some inspo for how you
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: can be more intentional as well. A couple of things
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: we need to talk about. We've got a debrief on
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: the holidays because I completely blew it. Fortunately the kids
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: loved it anyway, but I completely blew it.
• 2:21
  Speaker 5: And then we might mention day one of term four.
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: Okay, let's do it. I'm going to start with the confession.
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: And I feel really bad saying that. Because I'm the
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: parenting expert, I not supposed to get it all right,
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: but these were possibly the holidays where I was less
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: available to my family than ever before in history, and
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: I feel really bad about it. Here's the thing, right,
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: So every state has holidays that don't quite marry up.
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: There's a bit of overlap with the holidays, but they
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: don't marry up exactly. So when Queensland went on school holidays,
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: Adelaide did not.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, South Australia still had people at school.
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: And as it happens, my team booked me almost every
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: single day in Adelaide to give a talk at a
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: school or at a conference or whatever it might be,
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: which meant that the holiday that you and I booked
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: without me checking my diary because it was school holidays
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: ended up being a holiday that you went on without me,
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: and I caught up with you for the last day
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: and a half. I don't even know where to go
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: with this except to say, any parent who is within
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: the sound of my podcast, when it's holidays and you
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: book a holiday, make sure that you're available for the holiday.
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: Don't book, don't pay the money, and don't send your
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: family away while.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: You go somewhere else and do work great.
• 3:32
  Speaker 5: Take home honey, make sure you listen to it.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: It was so bad.
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: So we've started planning our holidays twelve months in events
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: as of these holidays because I completely.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: Got it wrong.
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: Even if we're not going away, we're just going to
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: make sure the team knows this is dedicated time for
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: my family.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: Oh boy.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: So anyway, outside of that three days that we went
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: away a lot of stuff. These holidays were actually supposed
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: to be a non event. We had nothing planned. You
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: were going to be away for the first week and
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: we're going to be writing a book the second week.
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: So can I also say I'm not going to commit
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: to twenty more books?
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: What you heard me? I'm not going to Jay?
• 4:08
  Speaker 5: How can you just repeat that? What did he say?
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: I'm not going to commit to twenty more books. I
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: can't believe you're replaying this. I can't believe that you're
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: doing that to me.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: Boy, I have that.
• 4:19
  Speaker 5: In actually on tape. Now it's recorded.
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: Let's just bear in mind. I've got two more books
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: to write after this, but I'm not going to commit twenty.
• 4:27
  Speaker 5: More till when.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm just I'm not going to commit till when.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Let's just leave it there.
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: But I couldn't concentrate and be with the kid. I
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: didn't work much, but having that massive overdue project hanging
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: over my head like a storm cloud really did make
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: it hard for me to be a good, involved, present parent.
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: And so I just my I'd do better tomorrow is
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: that I've got to get my priorities in order. So
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: that we can have good holidays as a family and
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: we can have high quality time together.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: That's that's me. Okay, let's talk about you.
• 4:58
  Speaker 5: Let's talk about me.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: Let's talk about what you learned. What's your old do about
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: it tomorrow? Because I'm feeling really bad.
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: Well, look, like I said, our holidays, there wasn't there
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: wasn't much happening in our holidays whatsoever. Our April babies
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: missed out on birthdays this year because we were in
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: between how yeah, we were moving here, and so I
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: had promised them that once we were settled. I would
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: put on a birthday party for them. Well, we ended
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: up pretty much having a half year party.
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: Which is so awesome. I'm so glad that you did it.
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: Who cares if their birthday was back in April, Like,
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: just celebrate their birthday. It's great and it.
• 5:28
  Speaker 5: Was really nice.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: And again, because we've moved into a new community, I
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: actually think that it worked out beautifully because back in April,
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: they didn't really have any connections. But they've had three
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: terms at school, they've done a few extracurricular activities, They've
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: started to get to know people within their own community,
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: and so when their friends came over that you could
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: tell they were actually friends.
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: It's a great take home message for anyone who's going
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: through a move, or who's gone through a move recently,
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: had the party six months down the track when they've
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: got friends, when they know people, rather than try to
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: do it on day one, if that's when the party
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: fallsed you, I think that's a great take home message.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: And so the other fun thing about the parties was
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: a few weeks prior to the holidays, Women's Weekly has
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: just brought out their fortieth anniversary cake book. Do you
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: remember that cake book that we as kids? I would
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: look through that book and plan the next seven.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: Years that day gate. I spent a lot of afternoons
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: salivating into that book.
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: That's pretty gross. I can't believe I said that, you
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: know what I mean? Those cakes always looked so attractive
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: to kids.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: And what was so funny was when I brought it
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: home our eighteen year old, she was like, I remember
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: this book and she flicked through it and she said,
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: you made me this cake and this cake, and did
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: you make this cake for Chanel? And she went through
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: and reminded me of all of these cakes that I
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: had made.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: That amazing memories, memories from cakes.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: It was very, very cute. So that was a really
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: nice addition to the holidays. It gave me a day
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: to actually prep with the girl whose party it was for,
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: and then obviously they had their day with their friends.
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: But then the other thing that we did, which I
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: actually we've done it a handful of times, but this
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: time felt different, and it felt really really good to
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: do it. We invited our neighbors in our street. We've
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: got probably what twenty four houses in our street. We're
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: in a little cold sat We invited them to breakfast,
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: just to say thank you for making us feel so welcome.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm so glad you mentioned this.
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: So, I mean, we always talk about the importance of community,
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: the importance of building your village. And we cracked open
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: the barbecue and cooked bacon.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: And eggs for the neighborhood, basically cooked some muffins and
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: banana bread. And it was number one, so well attended
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: and really really well received.
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: It's amazing when you get forty or fifty neighbors standing
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: in your backyard.
• 7:37
  Speaker 5: You couldn't hear the music that we'd put on. Could.
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: They all started talking. I was like, well, it's a
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: good thing the whole neighborhoods here, because the amount of
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: racket that they're making, they wake up the neighborhood. It
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: was great, but sense of community, sense of village, and
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: I just thought, wouldn't it be amazing if more neighborhoods
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: did that sort of thing where we invite all of
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: your neighbors over and just open up your house and say, hey, guys,
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: let's have breakfast. What astounded me as well is how
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: well known our eight year old is. Yeah, across the
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: entire neighborhood. Everybody knows this kid. They've seen her riding
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: up and down the street, and almost every single one
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: of them said, can you just get to wear a
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: helmet when she's riding?
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: Can you? Like? Every day? Essentially every single day? But
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: an absolute delight, so much, so much fun.
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: Kylie before we wrap this up, because there's take our
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: messages all over this.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: First of all, get your holidays right.
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: Secondly, put on a party even if your kids aren't
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: having a birthday. And third, bring the nahbood together because
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: when you create that village, it feels like you belong.
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: It feels so good well.
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: And you don't know who in your street needs to
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: feel like they belong either. Yeah, it's as much about
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: you as it is about them. You know, we've got
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: a street full of you know, elderly people, retirees, we've
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: got some singles staying on their own, and for them
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: to be included was it was just it was so
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: nice to kind of watch it all happened, and it
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: really took very little effort on our part. We opened
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: up our backyard.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: And cooked some bacon and bacon and eggs.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but just you know, the reality is we could
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: have opened up our backyard, but unless everyone showed up,
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: it would.
• 9:06
  Speaker 5: Have been a non event.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think we've got the best street in our suburbs.
• 9:09
  Speaker 5: I think we do too.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: So there's one more thing.
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: That I want to bring up, and I know we
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: need to wrap up the I'll do better Tomorrow episode.
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: But something happened at the end of the holidays, in fact,
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: day one of school that involved both of us and
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: one of our kids who's involved in school refusal. And
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: I reckon for any parent who's listened to this episode,
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: there's some pretty solid take home messages in what occurred.
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm talking about, because I've told enough.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: The story already. But do you feel like because.
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: It implicates both of us, and we want to preserve
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: our daughter's anonymity and keep her safe. But I just
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: feel like there's some stuff here that parents should be
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: aware of when it comes to and I'll do better
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: tomorrow kind of episode and scenario.
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: It's really easy when you're looking at Facebook or Instagram
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: to kind of look at people's lives and at times
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: listen to altogether, well, I'll do better tomorrow, and you know,
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: hear the stories where we've nailed at and think we've
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: got it together, but the reality is we din't.
• 10:01
  Speaker 5: We're just like every other family. And day one, Term.
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: Four was hard, if I can just preface it. The
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: day before public holiday for us, I spent an entire
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: day wading through our children's bedroom. We have three children
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: in one bedroom.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: And it was a disaster and you didn't get it
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: finished well.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: And our holidays had been so fast paced, not because
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: we were doing anything, but we had so many visitors
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: that I hadn't had a chance to kind of work
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: with the kids through it, through the through the two
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: week holidays.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: That's the thing, isn't right.
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: So we live on the Sunshine Coast and all of
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: a sudden, all of our friends from all over the country, like.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: We're coming to the coast, can we catch up. We
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: had so many lunches and breakfast and dinners with I
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: was so wonderful.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: It was it was so exhausting at the same time,
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: and so the things that would normally happen to keep
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: the house running didn't. So Monday, public Holiday, You're reading
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: a book and I'm in the bedroom wading through just
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: stuff birthday parties and gifts and clothes, and it was
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: a really non fulfilling way to spend my public holiday.
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: I've just got to say, I read that book a
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: little bit. I also did a whole lot of tiding.
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: Yes you did, I you.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: Did, and you can't help me in that space, and
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: that's fine. I'm not all right putting you down. Took
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: the kids out for bike ride, I did stuff. But
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: as a result, come Tuesday, I was really ready for
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: the kids to just go off to give me my space.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: And everything was going well. I went down to my rock,
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: I meditated. I had this really calm, beautiful start to
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: my day. And I got home with a message from
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: one of our children to say, hey, Mom, I'm going
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: to come back from my study this morning, and I'll
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: actually take the kids to school.
• 11:36
  Speaker 5: You don't even have to do it.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: I'm like, yes.
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: Meanwhile, amazing, I've been off from five o'clock every morning
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: so that I can write this book.
• 11:45
  Speaker 5: I've got a massage booked in. I'm ready to just
• 11:48
  Speaker 5: have a great day.
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: Well, I walk in the door after having my beautiful
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: morning and one of our children decides that she is
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: not going to school, and not.
• 11:58
  Speaker 5: The usual suspect.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: So I was, what are you talking about. You're going
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: to school, you know, just go get ready. And it
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: wasn't until probably ten or fifteen minutes later, when she
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: was tinkling on the piano that I realized that she
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: was actually serious. She wasn't going to school. And so
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: I went in and I could feel myself getting really frustrated,
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: and I actually said these words, I need a day
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: for me. I need you to go to school so
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: that I can have some space.
• 12:26
  Speaker 5: I've given up.
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: Two weeks of my life so that everybody here can
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: have a great holiday, and I've loved every minute of it,
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: but right now I just need me time. It didn't work,
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: it didn't go anywhere. She just absolutely looked me blank
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: in the face and told me that she couldn't do
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: it today and went into her bedroom. So at that
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: point I rang you because you were just in the
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: office around the corner, and I said, um, good help,
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: I need.
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: You to come home because you know you're not thinking
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: straight in a high motion state.
• 12:55
  Speaker 5: That's exactly right, you know that way, you're on the brink.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: Remember, stop and think you.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: I have just said to me, Oh, it's so funny
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: you called me. I was just reading to see whether
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: or not you needed me for anything, because I've thought
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: I might go for a c And I said, well,
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: actually you need to come home now because I actually
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: can't do this right now. And so thankfully you did
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: come home.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: I can't tell you I nailed it.
• 13:17
  Speaker 5: You did nail it.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: I nailed it. So you were cranky, high motions like intelligence.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: You just were really really over it and said I'm done.
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: So I stepped into the room after just composing myself
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: and thinking it through and working out where to go,
• 13:29
  Speaker 3: and I basically went through the whole explore, explain in
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: power process with this kid, and I asked what was
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: going on? She said, I hate school, I hate my subjects.
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: I've got no friends and try to see the world
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: through her eyes, putting myself into her frame of reference.
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: I felt like that when I was at high school
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: as well.
• 13:45
  Speaker 5: It was and so did I. The difference was school
• 13:49
  Speaker 5: wasn't an option. I just had to.
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: Go, And it was the same for me. I had
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: to go, except when I nicked off and went surfing
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: and no one knew. But essentially we got a lot,
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: did it somewhat. But this poor kid, she's in tears.
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: She doesn't want to be there.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: It's really really hard.
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: And after I've listened a whole lot, I said, well,
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: we've got a bit of a challenge, haven't we. And
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: she said ah, And I said what's the challenge? She said,
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: I've got to go to school. I said, yeah, you do.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: Like you do.
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: We're not going to homeschool you. We're not going to
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: change your school. We've been through this too many times
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: and we need to just get you to school. So
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: let's talk some more, let me understand some more. We've
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: got to find a solution, and neither of us has
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: one right now, so talk to me some more about it.
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: So she talked through a whole lot of stuff, and
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: after about five or ten minutes of listening, I said,
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: I don't know what to do. I'm going to go
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: for a walk. I'll come back soon and we'll see
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: if we can come up with a solution then. So
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: not trying to fix it right now was critically important.
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: So I went for a short walk. I gave you
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: a hug. You didn't want to talk to me. You
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: were mad at me because I was talking to her nicely,
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: and you were cranky with her because you wanted to
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: have your day on your own. But when I stepped
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: back into the room a few minutes later, I said,
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: I got this idea, which days are the hardest, because
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: I've noticed over the last few months that there's a pattern.
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: She's really happy to go to school some days and
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: hates going to school other days. She said, I hate Tuesdays,
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: I hate Fridays.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: And I said, okay, tell me more about that.
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: So she stepped me through it, and by the end
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: of that conversation, as I listened really carefully, I said
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: to her, Okay, so I've got to check with Mum first.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: But I've got an idea.
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: What if you don't go to school Fridays anymore? What
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: if we give you Fridays off because you hate Fridays.
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: You reckon you can push through the other four days.
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: And she looked at me like I was crazy and said.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I reckon, I can.
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: And I said, well, I think you still need to
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: go for the first class or two because there's stuff
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: that you do need to do. But we could bring
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: you home early on a Friday, and we can do
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: it on the condition that you're not going to come
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: home and stare at your screen and do stuff all
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: you You're going to go for a bike ride, or
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: you're going to do some exercise. You're going to do
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: some reading of some material that's going to be helpful
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: in your life, some of my good psychology books. You're
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: going to do some study for exams or get projects done,
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: like you're going to use the time productively. But you're
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: going to be home in your own space, enjoying the
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: choirt rather than being at school or a place you
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: hate it on a day that you don't want to
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: be there. How does it sound? And she looked at
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: me like could I really do that? Like would you
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: really let me?
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: I said, yeah, let's give it a try. We'll give
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: it three or four weeks. We're not going to do
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: it for the next how many years.
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: We're just going to do it for term four. We
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: might just do it for a few weeks, but let's
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: just see what happens. And there was an instant shift.
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: All of a sudden, she was like, the weight's being lifted.
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: I've been heard, I've been seen, I've been valued. I
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: still have to go to school.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: I get it. But there is a way.
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: Through this, and it's thought, a little bit of creativity,
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: a little bit of compassion, a little bit of listening.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: Nailed it. Nailed it.
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: And every day this week, other than today because it's Friday,
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: she's gone off to school without the slightest hint of hesitation,
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: and she's so excited that she gets to have some
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: quiet time today and focus on stuff that's important to
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: her that's still constructive and productive. I reckon the take
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: home message in that is just the power of seeing
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: the world throughout the kid's frame of reference and being
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: creative in finding solutions, recognizing that the structures that are
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: in place aren't the structures that have to be there,
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: and we can create our own.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful that when either one of us is having
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: a bad day, generally speaking the other is able to
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: pick up the pieces, and you surely picked up the
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: pieces that day.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: Well, we hope that this has been a helpful. I'll
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: be about it tomorrow.
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: We've covered some ground today, but hopefully there's been a
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: whole lot of ideas there for building community, getting your
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: holidays right, listening to your kids, making cakes, celebrating life.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: There's so much in there.
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Rolan from
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: Bridge Media and Craig Bruce is our executive producer. Just
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: before we go free webinar, free webinar if you're feeling
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: burnt out, free webinar nex Wednesday night, the twelfth of October.
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: It's God burnt out for any parent who's feeling burnt out.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: If that's you, please join us free webinar.
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: That I mentioned, it's free quietly free webinar, free free
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: webinar on the twelfth, that's next Wednesday night.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: All the details at Happy families dot com dot au.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: Have a great weekend.