Latest / Inspirations for Your Life / Soft Skills Quietly Decide Futures (S6) S6:E5

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Soft Skills Quietly Decide Futures (S6) S6:E5 · Inspirations for Your Life

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Without any further ado, guys, let's kick this
1:09
show off, all right?
1:11
So we're talking today about soft skills and
1:14
how the soft skills quietly decide futures.
1:17
By the way, this is series five, series
1:20
show six, episode five.
1:22
Welcome back, everyone, to Inspirations For Your Life.
1:25
I'm Jon Seymour-Lee, serial entrepreneur, engineer, marketing
1:28
specialist, video producer, podcast host, coach, keynote speaker,
1:32
graduate student, and yes, guys, a passionate lifelong
1:34
learner.
1:35
And of course, it's my privilege and pleasure
1:37
to be with all of you today.
1:39
Today's episode is about a truth most people
1:42
overlook, the future isn't decided by the loudest
1:45
or the flashiest or even the most technically
1:47
gifted.
1:48
It's decided quietly by trust, listening, emotional awareness,
1:53
and the way you show up when no
1:56
one is watching.
1:56
Let me say that again.
1:58
How you show up when no one else
1:59
is watching.
2:00
These soft skills aren't soft at all.
2:03
They are invisible forces shaping careers, relationships, leadership,
2:06
and long-term success, all right?
2:09
So number one, trust multiplies results by reducing
2:13
friction and speeding collaboration.
2:16
So trust is something we don't get built
2:18
overnight.
2:19
It's something that definitely takes time to build.
2:23
And I know a lot of people that
2:24
are in a rush to build trust.
2:25
It's like, oh my gosh, you got to
2:27
do this, this, this, and I got to
2:28
build trust.
2:28
Well, there's things you have to do to
2:31
build trust.
2:32
It doesn't happen quickly.
2:33
And when somebody senses that you're trying to
2:36
rush trust, that could be, for example, maybe
2:40
you're in a new relationship and maybe you're
2:44
taking it to a level from friendship to
2:46
something else.
2:47
And the other person may not be ready
2:49
because trust hasn't fully been established, hasn't been
2:52
a bond.
2:53
And the ways you can tell that are
2:55
when you ask a question about things like,
2:56
what do you like about me?
2:59
And they kind of deflect and they use
3:02
superficial things.
3:04
They might say stupid things like your hair
3:07
or your dress, although that's nice and it's
3:11
appreciative, but it's not a quality about you
3:16
or about me.
3:17
A quality about me or you might be
3:19
something like, you're smart, you're funny, you're witty,
3:23
you're intelligent, right?
3:26
So those are the things I want to
3:27
make you aware of is that don't rush
3:29
the trust.
3:30
Don't rush the trust.
3:32
I can't say it, it's off this morning.
3:33
Number two, listening creates leverage because people reveal
3:37
what matters when they feel heard.
3:40
Now, when people are asked a question and
3:44
for whatever reason, it seems to have a
3:49
problem.
3:51
I think the biggest problem that we have
3:59
is just that, is that people expect something
4:06
like now and they don't want to wait
4:11
for trust.
4:12
And I say that to you because again,
4:16
people are just, I don't know, people are
4:20
just kind of like not really paying attention.
4:25
And I say not paying attention because again,
4:29
some people just don't get this premise.
4:35
They don't get the premise that maybe what
4:37
you're working on or what you're doing is
4:41
not about what you're actually doing, but about
4:45
your long game.
4:46
And I think that's a very important thing
4:51
to definitely understand.
4:53
And I know that's important for you and
4:58
for a lot of people.
4:59
So we have to build our trust early.
5:02
I think that's one of the most important
5:04
things to understand is that we can build
5:08
our trust early.
5:09
And when we build our trust early, things,
5:13
let's just say they change the scope.
5:19
They change the way things are.
5:24
And so this is not something to fret
5:28
about.
5:29
It's something to be truthful about.
5:31
And I think when we can do that,
5:34
we can understand the whole meaning of why
5:36
people want trust, why people don't want fly
5:40
-by-the-seat-of-your-pants type of
5:41
people or that type of energy.
5:45
Number three, guys, reliability always beats brilliance when
5:49
consistency outlasts talent spikes.
5:53
Ooh, that's an interesting one.
5:55
So when we think about brilliance and we
5:59
think about consistency and we think about talent,
6:02
those that may not have the skill but
6:04
show up all the time and keep trying,
6:06
they get better each time.
6:07
Those that have skill and kind of like
6:09
have this cocky attitude of I'll do it
6:11
whenever, those people fall by the wayside because
6:15
they're not being consistent.
6:18
Even though they might be more talented than
6:20
the other person, they actually don't rise to
6:23
the occasion because of their attitude, their ego,
6:26
et cetera.
6:26
And the other person eventually surpasses them.
6:29
Number four, guys, communication shapes outcomes by aligning
6:33
expectations early, not late, early.
6:38
Number five, empathy builds loyalty by making people
6:41
feel safe and valued.
6:43
Are you valued and do you allow other
6:47
people to feel valued?
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I mean, that's a question that I have
6:50
for everyone.
6:50
Do you?
6:51
If you don't, then maybe it's time you
6:54
change because if you value other people, they're
6:57
going to value you.
6:58
You have to let people know upfront what
7:01
it is you expect, all right, and don't
7:03
settle for anything less.
7:04
Number six, adaptability wins long-term as change
7:09
becomes constant, okay, as it becomes constant.
7:16
And when it becomes constant, people get more
7:18
comfortable with it, they're not as uncomfortable.
7:20
Number seven, guys, soft skills scale influence beyond
7:23
titles or any kind of authority.
7:24
Number eight, respect compounds into reputation over time.
7:29
Again, I said over time, it does not
7:31
happen overnight, ladies and gentlemen, it does not
7:33
happen overnight.
7:34
Yes, that is an important thing to realize.
7:38
Number nine, calm leaders attract trust during uncertainty.
7:43
Calm leaders attract trust during uncertainty.
7:46
Maybe there's a situation going on and maybe
7:49
there was, let's say there was some type
7:51
of challenge in the company that happened, but
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because of your past trust, when this is
7:56
going on, clients and new perspectives will believe
8:01
you because of how you've acted in the
8:04
past, your track record, all right.
8:07
Number 10, guys, emotional intelligence determines how well
8:10
you navigate pressure.
8:13
There's pressure all around us.
8:14
Now we can control some of it, but
8:16
the key is to not allow pressure to
8:18
be something that causes us to pop.
8:24
And the way we do that is disassociating
8:27
with certain things, remembering that, yes, it's important,
8:31
but not making it every living moment because
8:34
that has a tendency to give us a
8:36
no-break syndrome, and that's a big problem
8:38
when we don't get a break.
8:39
Number 11, presence builds authority without needing dominance.
8:45
You don't need to be dominating when you're
8:48
present, when you're there, when you show up,
8:50
when people see you're there.
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I think that's a very magical thing because
8:55
just being there shows people that there's a
8:58
difference in you than other people.
9:00
They may only show up when, well, it's
9:03
comfortable or when it's convenient for them, all
9:05
right.
9:06
So understand that.
9:08
And with presence building authority without needing dominance,
9:11
the more you understand that, the more you'll
9:14
be able to lead in a very soft
9:17
-spoken way, but a way that's going to
9:19
actually get people to follow you because they
9:22
want to, not because you're trying to get
9:25
them to.
9:26
All right.
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Number 12, soft skills survive automation when hard
9:29
skills don't.
9:32
Okay.
9:34
What do we mean by this?
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So soft skills, your attitude, your demeanor, your
9:40
courteousness survives the automation even when they don't
9:44
work properly because maybe something's not doing something.
9:47
But because of your soft skills, because of
9:49
your communication, because of your listening skills, because
9:53
of your genuineness as a person, people still
9:57
believe in you.
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Number 13, guys, character outlasts talent when things
10:02
get difficult.
10:04
I said this a hundred times before, when
10:07
we do something and someone's around, it's very
10:11
easy.
10:12
But when we do something and no one's
10:13
not around, that's when it really matters because
10:17
maybe someone will see it, maybe they won't,
10:20
but I'm not trying to scapegoat something.
10:26
And if we know we're not trying to
10:27
scapegoat something, I think that's a very important
10:32
thing for a lot of people to understand,
10:34
that you cannot be scapegoating.
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You just cannot, cannot do that.
10:38
It causes a problem.
10:40
Number 14, guys.
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Number 14 is all about trust.
10:44
Trust accelerates growth by removing any kind of
10:49
hesitation.
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Hesitation does creep in sometimes, I've got to
10:51
be honest, it creeps in.
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You're like, oh my gosh, what do I
10:53
do now because I'm suddenly getting this hesitation?
10:56
Number 15, communication reduces conflict before it escalates.
11:03
Number 16, likability opens doors that credentials alone
11:07
cannot.
11:09
Likeability opens doors.
11:11
You know, when somebody tries to play in
11:16
your hand and you see they're really not
11:18
acting the way they should, they're going to
11:21
skip certain questions you ask.
11:23
Like before I was using the dating example,
11:26
when you say, gee, what do you like
11:27
about me or, you know, what made you
11:29
want to connect with me?
11:32
And when they use something so superficial as,
11:34
you know, your dress or your look, I
11:37
get it.
11:37
Okay, that might be an initial, but now
11:40
that you're having a conversation, what's keeping the
11:43
conversation going?
11:43
Well, I like that you're energetic or I
11:46
like that you, listen, I like that you
11:50
are calm and reserved.
11:52
I like that you're mature.
11:54
I like that you know what you want.
11:57
These are all important things, guys.
11:59
So likability opens doors that any credential, any
12:02
level of education can definitely not do.
12:05
Number 17, soft skills reduce burnout by improving
12:08
boundaries and clarity.
12:11
So when we have the right soft skills
12:14
in place, something happens.
12:17
It's like this template is in place for
12:19
us to be able to grow on.
12:21
And yet we have parameters to keep us
12:24
from, you know, things that maybe would cause
12:26
a kind of problem.
12:27
All right.
12:27
That's an important one, guys.
12:29
When we notice those things and that problem
12:32
becomes more of a challenge and we solve
12:35
it, the soft skills are basically getting us
12:39
from running full steam because now we know
12:41
what we want to work on.
12:42
We don't want to work on the whole
12:44
project, maybe we just want to work on
12:45
one quadrant or you know, one section, okay.
12:50
Number 18, listening beats talking when learning matters.
12:55
Listening beats talking when learning matters.
13:00
And that's an important one, guys, that it
13:02
does.
13:02
It really does.
13:04
Listening is not a one trick pony.
13:06
Listening is something we do every single day
13:09
and people can tell when we're listening and
13:13
when we are not listening.
13:14
That is the ultimate, ultimate truth, guys.
13:17
People can tell when we're listening and when
13:19
we are not listening.
13:20
So those are very, very important things for
13:24
us to realize, all right.
13:27
Number 19, guys.
13:29
Empathy builds teams that endure stress.
13:34
Empathy.
13:35
Empathy is when I'm able to basically put
13:41
the same shoe that you have on and
13:43
walk in that shoe and also try to
13:46
see what I can do to help you
13:48
while being in that situation.
13:50
So I've got to get myself to be
13:51
vulnerable.
13:52
I've got to get myself to be open
13:54
to another viewpoint because my viewpoint is going
13:58
to be different than your viewpoint.
13:59
And once I see your viewpoint and I
14:00
walk in your shoes or I have a
14:02
day in your life, it's like, oh, you
14:05
know what, maybe I was being harsh or
14:06
maybe I had no idea what this person
14:10
was going through.
14:10
I had no idea what they were trying
14:13
to do.
14:14
Number 20, guys.
14:16
Calmness creates psychological safety.
14:18
When somebody is calm, it creates a psychological
14:22
safety zone.
14:24
It just naturally does it.
14:26
And when it does it, it's like, oh
14:28
my gosh.
14:29
It's like, you know, people will say, gee,
14:32
you know, you're like me or I feel
14:33
so comfortable with being around you.
14:35
You probably had those situations, whether they're platonic
14:37
or non-platonic.
14:38
You've had these situations like, yeah, I feel
14:40
so comfortable in the room speaking with you.
14:42
I feel so comfortable in this presentation.
14:44
I feel so comfortable working on this team
14:46
with you.
14:48
You get my point, right?
14:50
So soft skills, ladies and gentlemen, stabilize success
14:53
across seasons.
14:54
And by seasons, I'm talking about our time
14:59
on a project.
15:00
Seasons don't necessarily refer to the time of
15:02
the year, like winter, spring, summer, fall.
15:04
Seasons meaning the phases of the project.
15:08
I'll refer to them as seasons.
15:12
Because there could be the start season.
15:14
There could be a season where we have
15:17
to ramp up.
15:18
There could be a season where we have
15:20
to go back to the drawing board.
15:23
There could be a season where we present.
15:25
It could be a season where we have
15:27
to take the feedback and figure out how
15:32
we incorporate it.
15:33
Because maybe we're not given the exact examples,
15:35
but we are given true feedback.
15:37
And that feedback matters quite a bit, guys,
15:39
quite a bit.
15:40
All right.
15:41
So number 22, emotional literacy improves decision making.
15:46
People know how to read.
15:47
Well, suddenly, I guess they know how to
15:49
do the right thing.
15:52
They know how to show up in life.
15:56
And they know how to be.
15:58
They know how to act.
15:59
Even when everyone else around them might be
16:02
acting like a jerk.
16:04
You know how to act mature.
16:06
You know how to be somebody.
16:09
You know how to be a mature person.
16:11
You know how to be accountable for your
16:13
actions.
16:14
Something a lot of our world is missing
16:16
these days.
16:19
Number 23, guys, trust builds opportunity through referrals
16:23
and confidence.
16:27
Trust is no, I don't want to call
16:36
it a magic bullet, because it's not really
16:37
a magic bullet.
16:38
But trust is no easy feat all the
16:40
time.
16:41
You have to be who you are to
16:44
obtain trust.
16:45
And if you obtain it, and you're lying,
16:49
well, not only are you going to lose
16:50
the trust, but you may never get it
16:52
back again.
16:54
Or make it that much harder to get
16:56
back again, depending on how much you lie.
16:59
So, trust is something you don't do to
17:01
make money.
17:03
Faking trust, I should say.
17:04
You don't do to make money.
17:05
You don't fake trust to get a relationship,
17:07
because you want to get one point when
17:09
the other person doesn't, for example.
17:11
They want a relationship, and you don't, or
17:14
vice versa.
17:15
That's not good.
17:16
You always want to tell people up front,
17:18
what are my boundaries?
17:19
Like, you know, what am I looking for?
17:21
Right?
17:22
A lot of times, people ask the question,
17:23
are you single?
17:25
And then somebody will answer like, okay.
17:26
And right away, they feel they've got it
17:28
figured out.
17:30
And somebody might say, gee, I'm looking to
17:31
get married.
17:31
Oh, no, neither am I.
17:32
But I'm looking for somebody steady.
17:33
But then really, what you find out is
17:35
they're not looking for somebody steady that can
17:37
be emotionally available.
17:38
Because I think that's a big problem, is
17:40
that when somebody's not emotionally available, or somebody
17:42
says, you know, I don't know if I'm
17:43
going to be here.
17:45
That's telling me that they're not that vested
17:48
in you and your potential friendship.
17:52
Okay?
17:53
That's important.
17:55
So number 24, guys, soft skills amplify talent
18:00
instead of replacing it.
18:01
You have to have your talent.
18:03
You have to keep learning your talent.
18:04
But if for whatever reason, you know, it
18:07
might be a little weak, you can understand
18:09
that gaining more soft skills will amplify the
18:13
talent that you've already learned time and time
18:16
over, and will make you seem like a
18:18
star.
18:19
Number 25, calm leadership endures when chaos fades.
18:22
So we can't have an organized leader when
18:26
there's chaos.
18:28
When there's chaos, we have to figure out
18:31
how do we channel the situation?
18:35
How do we get things into perspective?
18:39
How do we figure out organization?
18:41
How do we get this environment calm again?
18:45
A perfect example.
18:46
Maybe there's a major disaster.
18:50
And there's a lot of chaos going on.
18:51
People have to respond, first responders, medical, police,
18:55
et cetera.
18:56
And so what they're doing is trying to
18:59
take that environment, and they're trying to move
19:02
very quickly, and they're trying to stabilize it
19:04
so that the situation is resolved when we
19:07
say stop the bleeding, literally or figuratively here.
19:09
But stop the panic.
19:12
Because I think when there's no clear direction,
19:15
people do panic every single day.
19:18
And that's a problem for a lot of
19:19
people.
19:20
All right?
19:22
So communication builds alignment across differences.
19:27
When we communicate, it doesn't matter race, religion,
19:29
orientation, color.
19:30
When we communicate, the most important thing is
19:34
that we can do it uniformly.
19:37
All right?
19:37
Not just to one person or one type
19:40
of person.
19:41
Number 27, guys, reliability compounds respect silently.
19:49
Reliability compounds respect silently.
19:50
It doesn't do it in a loud way,
19:53
right?
19:53
It does it in a way that says,
19:55
hey, you know what?
19:57
I'm going to be here for you.
19:58
And you don't have to just take my
19:59
words for it.
20:00
You can see and know that I'm going
20:03
to be here.
20:04
You'll see that over time.
20:05
That's not something I can just tell you.
20:07
That's something you're going to have to see,
20:09
but say, well, how reliable are you?
20:10
Well, I can tell you I'm very reliable.
20:13
And you and I both know that the
20:15
only way you're going to feel comfortable is
20:16
when you know you call me and you
20:19
see that I show up or I get
20:20
back to you.
20:20
That's reliability.
20:22
That's respect.
20:22
That's trust.
20:23
But they might be willing to gamble that
20:25
if somebody else said, oh, he's reliable.
20:27
That company's reliable.
20:27
They might be willing to gamble that because
20:29
of your reputation with other people.
20:33
Okay?
20:33
This way others become really an important part.
20:36
Number 28, guys, soft skills unlock growth at
20:41
every single level.
20:43
Okay?
20:43
Every level, not just one level.
20:46
And soft skills can be a major building
20:51
block, a major cornerstone to your project.
20:55
But if you don't understand that soft skills
20:59
unlock growth, then you're constantly going to be
21:02
going for more things, which is great.
21:04
But if you don't have the soft skills,
21:05
I don't care what kind of knowledge you
21:07
have, you know, engineer, doctor, PhD, et cetera,
21:12
it doesn't matter.
21:13
If you don't have the soft skills, you're
21:16
never going to be able to disseminate the
21:17
information.
21:18
You're never going to be able to figure
21:19
out what information to disseminate.
21:21
All right?
21:22
Number 28, when we talk about soft skills
21:27
unlocking growth at every level, know one thing.
21:30
Know that it's not just today.
21:32
It's tomorrow and it's your whole future.
21:34
Number 29, emotional awareness wins negotiations and relationships.
21:38
I said emotional awareness, being cognitive of who's
21:44
around you, what they're saying, the environment, right?
21:49
I talked about that medical type of disaster
21:52
environment, right?
21:53
And one of the things that the responders
21:55
do is they have to listen.
21:57
They have to respond quickly, but they need
21:59
to listen to details.
22:02
And in some cases, they need to really
22:03
bond with the person so they can have
22:06
trust.
22:08
If they don't trust, the person's not going
22:09
to allow them to potentially help them, right?
22:13
Usually it's not a problem, but sometimes it
22:15
is.
22:16
So that's important that they feel reassured, right?
22:19
Number 30, soft skills will dominate futures because
22:22
people still choose people.
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We can have technology our whole lives, but
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people will always choose people, right?
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You know, I know you go to the
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shopping store and let's just say, for whatever
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reason, you do one thing, but then you
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figure out that something's not working.
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And the reason it's not working is because
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a person's out of the loop.
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And I think that can be a very
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hard thing for people to understand is that
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a person can make the big difference, right?
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Maybe you're having a challenge and you don't
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really want to deal with some automated counter.
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You want to deal with a live person
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that can actually help you with your situation.
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And that's a very important thing to realize
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is that people make the world go around.
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Technology may help it, but people establish the
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connection.
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A machine is never going to do what
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a person can do.
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Never assure people like what's going to happen
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or, you know, what's not going to happen.
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I think those are very key insights that
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we all have to be, I must say,
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very aware of.
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So this, ladies and gentlemen, it answers the
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why very quietly.
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That strong people keep winning, right?
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It's not because they demand attention.
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Nope, that is not the reason.
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You might think it's the reason, but it's
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not.
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It's because they earn trust.
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They come into or they build alignment with
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others.
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And by doing that, ladies and gentlemen, they
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create something called stability.
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If you think about a chair, right?
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A chair has four legs on it.
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If a chair wasn't stable, could you sit
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on it?
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If a table wasn't stable, could you put
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things on it?
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No.
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If your life is not stable, well, it
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becomes hard to live through it, right?
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Makes it harder.
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If your relationships are not stable, that becomes
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a problem too.
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You're dealing with this like Jack-in-the
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-box or Jekyll and Hyde.
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We've all heard about these things before, but
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when they enter our real lives and we
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understand that trust and alignment and stability creating
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is key no matter where we go, that's
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a very, very big part of the pie.
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And again, it's not because this is something
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that is in a book.
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It's something that people have experienced for hundreds
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and well, thousands of years.
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That the soft skills, that our quiet aspirations,
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that our quiet motivations, again, they may not
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be loud, but they will get us to
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the promised land.
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And I mean that, again, not in 24
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hours, not in a week or not in
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a, let's say a month, or maybe not
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a year, or maybe not even more than
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that.
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But they will get us there if we
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stay consistent.
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It's very easy to change our focus because
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of something that may have happened or because
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of, let's say, something that's gone on and
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you're like, oh my gosh, John, like what
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do I do?
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What am I supposed to say?
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And that becomes, well, a real issue.
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A real issue for everyone that's involved, not
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just one person.
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When we engage with the community and other
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people, people are oftentimes judgmental.
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Not because they want to be, but because
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they've had a bad experience.
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I was talking to a client yesterday and
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they said to me, you know, I'll never
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do that.
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And I said, well, it's definitely safe.
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And this is a very clean environment for
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you to work in.
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And they said, no, it's not that.
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I'm sure you're going to have a very
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clean environment for you to work in.
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Just that I had a very bad experience
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working in metal shops.
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So the place was dingy.
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It was dirty.
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And I just don't ever want to work
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in a metal shop again.
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It's an artist.
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He says, I just don't want to do
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that anymore.
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So I respect that.
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But I do think we have to move
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past that point where we say, okay, because
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it's a metal shop, I won't work there.
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I mean, that's like, that's crazy.
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But we have to respect that decision up
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front, and then maybe suggest something.
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We can't force somebody.
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But I think it's bad when we just
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decide to just block everything because, well, we
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can.
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And again, just because we can doesn't mean
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we should.
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So ladies and gentlemen, that's not noise.
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Ladies and gentlemen, that is power.
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And when we learn how to access our
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power, when we learn how to steer clear
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of the real noise, of the distractions of
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other people, from the discrimination, from the, I
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can't, you won't, you'll never.
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When we rise above that, that's the time
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when success is knocking at our door.
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My question to you is, will you answer
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that door?
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Or will you just let it go until
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they stop knocking?
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Success may only knock once.
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So my advice is, answer that door the
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first time they knock.
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Have yourself a great rest of your day
27:59
or evening.
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I'll catch you guys real soon.
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Check out BelieveMeAchieve.com for more of my
28:02
amazing, inspiring creations.
28:03
Take care, everyone.