Latest / Curiously Guided Podcast / Ep.94 | Inner Child Healing Work: The Good, the Bad & the WTF? with Shay & Mariah

Transcript

Ep.94 | Inner Child Healing Work: The Good, the Bad & the WTF? with Shay & Mariah · Curiously Guided Podcast

• 0:07
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the Curiously Guided Podcast.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_02: We're your hosts, Mariah.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_02: And Jay.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_02: Two online business strategists passionate about rewriting the rules to success within both life and business.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: This podcast started because we both felt frustrated by the lack of deep, meaningful, and transparent conversations around what it takes to actually run a business that we both feel good about.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: So we decided to create that for ourselves.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_02: We want our solo episodes and guest interviews to be examples of how you two can chase your dreams and go down your own rabbit holes, ultimately leading to a more sustainable and fulfilling life.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: We believe that curiosity is our superpower.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: And trusting the nudge is a muscle that's meant to be strengthened.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_02: Especially if we want to create a lifestyle that feels good from the inside out.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: So are you ready to open your mind and let curiosity guide the way?
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_02: Let's take this journey together.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: We're so glad you're here.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: Now let's dive in.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, hi friends.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to the pod.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: We're happy to have you here.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um Mariah and I are, as always, excited to shoot this episode today.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: This has been a topic, inner child healing has been a topic that we have been wanting to record on for months now.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: We've actually had this on our list, maybe even last season.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: And every time we sit down to do it, it just kind of felt like not pulled together enough or something.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_02: Like, and I think the I felt I felt too raw.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, no, girl, I'm in it.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: I can't share about it.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: I'm in it.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: That's exactly where I was going.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I think the universe had some lessons to send us because you and I both have been like, you know, trial by fire with this.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: We've definitely been working through some inner child stuff.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: And then, you know, ironically, not ironically, it's been popping up on the podcast a lot.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: So we today really just want to reflect on a few ideas that have come up this season as we have been recording the podcast and also what's been going on in our personal lives as we've been trying to wrap our heads around quote unquote inner child work, what that means, what that looks like.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: So just to get started, you know, um, I you guys have probably noticed already when I hear the term inner child work, my whole body's reaction is to be repulsed and I want to roll my eyes.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know why.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: I just think it sounds like lame and annoying.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_02: And I guess that's probably probably it sounds basic.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_02: It sounds like I've I've already done this, I've already heard about this.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_02: This is not a new shiny topic to me.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_02: Like I've already logically thought about it.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_02: So I feel like it's not um like nom nom nom, like to my brain.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, that's a good way to say it.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: And and it does feel a bit like uh the word authentic or all of these just like big fluffy words we hear all the time.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I get annoyed because when you hear people talk about inner child work, it's like going back to these moments in your childhood and sitting in it.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: That's what you always hear.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta sit in it, you gotta feel it.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, what the fuck does that mean?
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: What are you talking about right now?
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like, and how is that gonna help anything?
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: So, anyway, today the topic is inner child work.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: We would like to just kind of reflect on a few things that we've noticed.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: And the first thing I'm gonna bring up is something I told Mariah right before we hit record.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: I think all of this inner work, all of this, you know, trying to regulate our emotions and get rid of cortisol phase and have better somatics or whatever, it's literally all inner child work in the sense that um we're trying to connect with moments in the past that have traumatized us in some way.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: And those traumas have kind of been stored in our body in some spot.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: And now when those traumas get triggered by life circumstances, we're reacting based on how we felt at that moment in the past.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: So if you think about it, honestly, all of these little triggers that you're storing happened at a younger point in your life, right?
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: At a time when you were younger.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: So I have been really connecting with the idea that it's not necessarily inner child work only, it's also inner teenager work, it's also inner adult work, it's also me two months ago work.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: But there's all of these moments in your past that are influencing your operating system and how you're showing up today.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: And if you can kind of face those things honestly and sit with them, it's incredibly powerful to operating better, having better emotional regulation, and just being less stressed out as a human.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: So I think this is incredibly important.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's difficult.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: This is asking us to kind of deal with our quote unquote shadow parts or darker parts or parts we may want to avoid.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: But the other side of this is growth, inner peace, calm, uh, confidence, all of those good stuff, the good stuffs that we're looking for with this inner and outer work journey.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: So that's kind of where I want to start, Maria.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: What's popped up for you since I've been rambling?
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I already took some notes here.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_02: So you were like to like we have to face them honestly.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_02: My reaction is like, and how the fuck do you do that?
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_02: I like to think, I like to think that I'm a pretty honest person.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_02: My friends will tell me, Andrew will tell me, girl, I know that you're not okay with that just by the look on your face.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_02: Like, my face gives it all away.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_02: I have no choice.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_02: And so I think like I can be honest about things, but like how to face things honestly always kind of like threw me for a bit of a loop.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_02: How does one do that?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_02: And I feel like that's why, especially this season, we've brought on so many different people that kind of all hit this from different angles.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_02: And what's the common denominator?
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_02: It's curiosity.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_02: That's how we face it.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_02: But in my brain, when somebody goes, face this honestly, and you didn't even say it in that tone, and nobody says it in that tone.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_02: I'm saying it in that tone, literally to be dramatic for no reason.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but it's like to face it honestly, my brain goes, What do I do?
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_02: What action do I take?
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_02: How do I strategize this?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_02: What is the framework?
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_02: Instead of I think where I need to go, which is more of like a flow state, which is more of a like a creativity state, which is more of a curiosity of what's here, how do I feel about it without overthinking it?
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: So maybe approach it curiously in sort of honestly would land better.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, approach it curiously and let it be okay if you don't have an answer.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_02: Because I've been like, I am sitting down and I am going to overcome the trauma of my first and second grade teacher being the meanest person on the planet.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_02: And then I'm like, I'm gonna do it.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_02: And then I'm like, what do I feel about this?
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_02: Nothing comes up.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just like, nothing.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_02: I feel nothing.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like I don't know, she's a piece of shit.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what, like, whatever.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_02: But it's like then I go into my logical brain of like, how should a child who is in first and second grade feel about a mean teacher instead of just fucking letting myself feel it?
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_02: Instead of letting myself sit in that like liminal space of like nothingness and letting that be okay.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like that's the hardest part for me is the slowness of it, of the I can't get from A to B.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_02: And am I okay with sitting in the in-between of A to B versus like this is my sit-down session of like getting honest with myself.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_02: Do you know what I mean?
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_02: Does that make sense?
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: It does.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: And what you're saying, I really resonate with because I think our logical brains want to feel like they're accomplishing something.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: So when you tell me to sit in it, I'm like, okay, I'm sitting here.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: How long do I got to sit here?
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: And when am I gonna feel the difference?
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: In my experiences, when I do let myself sit in it, there's no immediate change or difference.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: Really, I make it like a little bit of a release, you know.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: But um, it's almost like it happens days or even weeks later.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what I have noticed is I get frustrated by the advice, see it honestly, sit with it, sit in it, because I want it to be done then in that moment when I am sitting and it has never in that moment, it feels horrible.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: I, you know, I struggle with inner feelings of feeling bad or feeling unworthy.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: And so for me, usually the first part is reminding myself that none of these parts of me are bad.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have to assign any judgment to them.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's my typical go-to is I'll I'll judge it.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'll be like, oh, this is bad.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: This is a bad part of me, and I gotta sit with this bad part of me and figure it out.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: And really, a there is no good or bad, right?
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: It is just a piece of you that has developed as a reaction to something else, if I can separate from that, and then go a little what you're saying, bring curiosity and start asking it some questions.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: Why are you here?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: Where did this come from?
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um, the story that is coming up right now is uh, if you don't mind us sharing like our experience with anger recently, Mariah and I have both been kind of going through some um personal life things that have been bringing up a lot of anger for us.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: And it was funny, like Mariah will tell you all these things that's going on, but she won't say, I'm angry about this.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I had noticed that about myself.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I certainly have a lot of things to be angry about, but I um I had a Savannah who's been on the podcast pointed out there's a book called U Rage Becomes Her.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: Women don't have a lot of examples of like how to be angry in a way that is not seen as like insane or destructive.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we see think of angry women as like a bitchy Karen or this insane woman that needs to be institutionalized.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: We've never really seen many positive examples of female anger or aggression.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I would argue that males do have that a bit more in like sports and just how that they interact with each other.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um so Mariah and I were both kind of like everyone was seeing it on our faces, like she said.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like everyone's like, hey, you seem pissed.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, you seem angry.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: And we're like, what?
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what to do with that.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: My I go to sad, and I think Mariah goes to sad too.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: That's a lot easier of a feeling to feel than anger.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: So I have been playing around with how do I express anger?
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: What does that look like for me?
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: And and I kind of brought that up to Mariah as well.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: And in her initial reaction was funny.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: Do you mind sharing that with us?
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_02: My initial re like, what I don't know what you're thinking.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_02: What was my initial reaction?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_02: Well, that you asked me how how do I be angry?
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: Can you help me strategize an anger?
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's essentially where my brain goes.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_02: So, like, I have been seeing a functional nutritionist, and she is amazing.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_02: And so she's really great at kind of pulling together all of these things.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_02: She pulls in like Chinese medicine and um like kinesiology and nutrition and hormones and gut health, and like the way that she can kind of like combine all of these things is miraculous to me where she's been all of my life type thing.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_02: And she brought it to my attention.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_02: She was like, You've been having like it keeps showing up that like your liver is an issue.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_02: And like I've known that through all of the practitioners that I have ever come in contact with.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_02: And so the liver holds anger, essentially.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_02: And she was like, So, what is your relationship with anger?
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, we don't have one.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_02: Like, me and anger do not have a relationship.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_02: What do you mean?
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, I kind of just think that it's pointless.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what's the point of being angry?
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_02: I get, I'm like, I'm just not a person that gets angry.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_02: When I do get angry, I do tend to cry.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_02: Like the frustration just makes me cry.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_02: And I do think that that's like my body's way of releasing it.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think that that's bad.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_02: But I basically like I just don't allow myself to express being angry because I never really saw the point in it.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_02: And so then she was like, ah, that's like being somebody who quote unquote doesn't get angry, like, isn't a badge of honor like you think that it is.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_02: Like it's not a good thing.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, she's making me sit with a shin, who's the first person that I run to, literally me and Shay had a call, I think later that day.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, listen, this girl's popping the lid off of my anger, and I don't know what the fuck do I do about it.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_02: How do how do you get angry?
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_02: And she's like, right, you just like get angry, girl.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what do you mean?
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, yeah, but like, how does one get angry?
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: She's like, I don't know.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_02: You fucking yell if you want to yell, like you just you break something, like, do and I was like, uh, pointless.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_02: And then I break something, and then who's the one that's gotta clean it up?
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_02: Me.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm just like pointless yet again.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_02: So then I'm talking to Andrew, who's got like uh a better relationship with anger.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_02: Like when he's angry, he tends to yell about it, and then it's gone.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_02: It's released from his body.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_02: And then he's like, What's up?
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_02: We're back to normal.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, How do you let yourself get angry?
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Like, how can I release my anger?
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_02: And he was like, The fuck?
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_02: He was like, What kind of question is that?
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_02: He was like, I just like like do what I want to do.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_02: If I want to yell, I just yell about it.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_02: Like, that's it.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think about anything.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_02: And he was like, uh, he was like, but this is a good point.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_02: And he was like, you don't get angry.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_02: He was like, I don't know.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_02: He was like, I've maybe have we've been together over five years.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_02: And he was like, I've seen you maybe get angry like once or twice.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_02: And he was like, and girl, like, know in your childhood, how the fuck are you not angry?
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_02: He was like, that blows my mind.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_02: He was like, you'll tell me things.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_02: I'm he was like, I feel like I'm getting angry for you.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_02: And he was like, and you're just like, well, I see both sides of it.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, yeah, that's what I do because I do see both sides.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_02: And he was like, like, what if it's not about both sides?
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_02: What if, like, why can't you just be fucking mad about it?
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_02: And so that was really interesting to me because it's like now that I'm uh thinking about it, my mom is an Aries son and a Sag rising.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_02: She's got she's she's a fireball.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_02: And I will say that, like, I do think that my mom has a decently healthy relationship with anger.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_02: I do think that I grew up seeing, like, when my mom is pissed, you know that she's pissed, she'll let you know that she's pissed.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_02: And like, that doesn't mean that she doesn't love you.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_02: So I do think that I was able to see like a woman express her anger healthy, like she was like the mama bear.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_02: If anybody fucked with us, she will literally come for your throat and then she'll like chat with us about it later.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_02: Like, it doesn't mean very much.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_02: You're just like, you're you're kind of just like dead to her now.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm angry, depending on what she's angry about.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_02: But I always saw it as pointless.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_02: Why is Kathy popping off?
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm just like, that's pointless.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_02: What's the point of this?
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_02: Instead of she's just releasing her anger because something made her angry as it should.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_02: And then I just took it as like, yeah, but what's the point?
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I think I took it as that because I think a lot of my inner child healing comes from me being a parent to my parents.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_02: Emotionally, they are just unwell.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um, they are not like not balanced, they can't communicate very well.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_02: Emotionally, they don't, they don't have awareness of things.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_02: And like even growing up, I remember I I remember being six or seven years old being the mediator for my parents.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_02: Like my mom would be like, I can't tell your dad this.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_02: Can you tell him?
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_02: And me being the little problem solver, the little helper, yeah, sure, I'll tell dad that.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_02: My dad would be like, Well, I can't tell your mom this.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you tell her, and I would just be the in-between person.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_02: And so no wonder I see it as pointless.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_02: Because I was never able to feel these emotions.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_02: And if I did, I kind of had to shove it down because I had to be the mediator.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_02: I had to be the even keel.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_02: I had to be the person that kind of bridged the gap in between them because they couldn't do it themselves.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_02: And like this even when, man, I remember like when I was a teenager, my dad, who's an alcoholic, and my mom who's suicidal.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_02: She based like those big extremes, I couldn't get through life without being the bridge, the mediator, because my entire safety and my entire childhood really depended on me being able to make sure that they are balanced so that I can get my needs met.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_02: And even as a teenager, I remember my dad was in one of his episodes and screaming at my mom, and my mom's just crying.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I remember being 16 years old and going up to him and kicking him out of the house.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_02: How does a 16-year-old kick her father out of the house?
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_02: My dad moved out for a year.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_02: So looking at that, no wonder I couldn't get angry.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_02: No wonder I could because like I just saw it as pointless.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_02: What do you mean?
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_02: There's a solution here, and we'll figure it out, like whatever.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_02: And so I feel like it's just been recently that I've been able to kind of like put these pieces together.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_02: And like this is inner child work, but like I've been doing quote unquote inner child work for six or seven years, maybe 10 years now.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm like, what do you mean?
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_02: I've already logically figured it out.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like, no, there's a lot of shit under that, like underneath the covers that you haven't even considered looking at now because I don't think that I was ready.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what I mean by face honestly.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's not that you are intentionally being dishonest.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: I think there's just like you're not really ready to face the fullness of it.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: And there's layers of it.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you're gonna be peeling back layers and you're gonna get annoyed.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_01: You're gonna be like, I thought I already worked through this and here it fucking is again.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: But I'd love, Raya, tell everybody what you did, and I'll share with my anger releases as well.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: But like, what did so you had you gave yourself a space.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: You're like, I'm gonna be angry and I'm gonna just let myself be angry.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna overthink it.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: What did that look like?
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so it's funny because like when we talk about, like, I don't think that it was time yet.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I think has been really healing is like having Andrew.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_02: I don't like me and him had to get to a certain important part in our relationship for me to really feel safe with his anger a little bit more because he used to pop off and I used to just cry and like pop off, like not he would literally be like, I'm not mad at you, like nothing to do with me type thing.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_02: He was like, I'm literally just expressing this, and then like we can talk about it in a minute type thing.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_02: And I do think that, you know, he can swing to the other side pretty, pretty easily, which could be talked about.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but it's like I needed that safe container.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_02: I needed to also, I think, be home.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_02: Like we just moved home to Buffalo, moved into a space that hopefully we're gonna be living at for a long time.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I have foundation of safety right now.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_02: I'm in a relationship with somebody that I feel very safe and um honored by and respected by.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that I needed all of those things to click into place in order to be able to open up into these deep, vulnerable parts of myself that I didn't even realize that I was shoving down.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_02: But it just so happens around this time, Andrew decides that like he wants to get takeout for dinner.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't want to, I wanted to cook myself.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_02: I already had like salmon pulled out.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_02: Andrew hates salmon, which um is questionable to me.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_02: But I'm cooking and I'm like, yeah, I'm I'm I'm gonna express my anger.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_02: So I start, I start growling, and I'm like growling real deep in my throat, and then and then I make sure all the windows are closed in my house, and I'm growling and I'm laughing at myself.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, this is so fucking stupid.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_02: What is happening?
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm growling and then I just start stomping.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, yeah, okay.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, what if I got to be mad about this?
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_02: And I picked up a wooden spoon, started like wailing on my couch.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_02: I'm hitting the the walls, I'm hitting the corners of things and just growling, and then I'm screaming into a pillow because I'm still aware that I have neighbors and I don't want them to think that I'm getting murdered.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but like doing that and stomping and screaming and growling.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_02: And then it just so happens that two days later I had to drive up to Toronto for something.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_02: And oh, look, now I have a two-hour drive there and back for me to be angry as much as I want in the car.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_02: And so on the way home, I was screaming at the top of my lungs.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_02: I think screaming in the car is one of the most therapeutic things ever.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_02: Like it feels very like I'm in my own space type thing, and nobody on the throughway can hear me.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_02: And if they are, they don't even have time to realize who I am.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_02: They don't know me.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_02: Goodbye.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_02: I might just be a talk at the dinner table.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I saw this bitch going buck wild on the throughway, but like they they have no idea who I am.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_02: So I feel good on the throughway.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_02: But what was different because I've screamed in my car before, and they're really, I was just like, yeah, okay, I'm like fine.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_02: But like on the way home from Toronto, I started screaming things that if I was an adult protecting my younger child, I was screaming what I would have said to my parents and to certain people in my life.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_02: Like obscene things that I would never want anybody to hear.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_02: I double checked my phone to make sure that it wasn't recording.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_02: Um, like I never like I would get deuce chills if I heard what I was actually saying, like that type of thing.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_02: But like when you're in that vulnerable space and you're letting it out, you're just like, we we just gotta flow with it.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_02: So I feel like not just screaming to scream, but just screaming intentional things that I wish that I would have said, along with taking a wooden spoon and like hitting, like literally beating the fuck out of my couch was very helpful.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love that example.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um because it came after the conversations of how do I strategize this?
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: How do I be angry?
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_01: And then you just like let it rip and it felt good.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: I have, I think we all have different ways that feel good.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: I talk about my release valve.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'll share with you guys a story from this week.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: I have a few things to be angry about right now, and I had been.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm in a place now where I'm like, oh, I am just so emotionally regulated.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_01: I am good.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_01: Look at me handling these things.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_01: These things would have bothered old Shay, but like I am just in this Zen place and I am handling it well.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's what I thought I was doing towards the things that should have been making me angry.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_01: And instead, I got like really mad at my trainer about something.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I just like, for me, it's almost like whack-a-mole.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_01: If I'm ignoring anger in some parts of my life, it's gonna pop up in another part, and I'm not gonna feel good about that because that person didn't deserve it.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: So, what I did, I have things I know that I can go to.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: And so for me, my first experience with releasing a lot of anger was through breath work, particularly during a breath work.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_01: My um coach that was doing it for us, whatever you would call her, facilitator, encouraged us to scream at the top of our lungs.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I have tenants, I live in a building with other people and they just like, no, I do this at this point, so they don't think I'm getting murdered.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: But I cannot describe to you the first time I do put a pillow over my mouth, so I don't feel like I'm totally crazy, but the first time I just screamed with no abandon, just like let it loose, screamed as hard as I could, I felt this insane physical, like cathartic release.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: I just felt insane.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: And so going outside and screaming, screaming and breath work, for me, like working out really hard, I know that's annoying, but like doing a hard bike ride or going on a run or something that like physically kind of exhausts me worked for my anger.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_01: So I have found a particularly for me, like moving, screaming.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_01: They make grage rooms now, you guys, going and breaking shit.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: That helped me.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_01: But when I said all those things to Mariah, it didn't really stick with her.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: She had to like find her own things to do.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but give yourself permission just to let it be really simple, doesn't need to be overcomplicated, can be growling, can be screaming.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_01: Stomping feels insane.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_01: I love stomping, but like let yourself feel some anger and see how does it feel like a release for you?
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I do think a lot of us have a lot of anger we're walking around with that we don't know what to do with.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I like that you brought up safety because I do think a lot of this is going back to those previous versions of yourself and standing up for yourself and defending yourself with who you are today, with who you wish you were back then.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_01: And that can't happen unless we feel safe.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's something that's very difficult to get.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um, if you don't feel safe, you're just kind of stuck in that fight or flight.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_01: So I do think you're right that when you can create that internal level, that sense of safety and peace, then you can start to face these things more honestly with more curiosity and without judgment.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_01: And so to tie it all back together, how do we feel safe?
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_01: That comes through all of this somatic work, all of this emotional regulation work, this idea of widening your zone of tolerance where you can kind of withstand life's obstacles more without getting into fight or flight or freeze and fawn.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_01: So that is why we are doing all of this work, right?
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_01: That is why we're trying to face these things with curiosity because it allows us to be better humans day to day.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_01: The other um example I wanted to share with you guys, uh for me, a lot of this is learning how to sit in my emotions.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_01: I am a very emotional person.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_01: I've shared before, I'm a triple water sign.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_01: I just get a lot of emotions and I feel them very intensely.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_01: And for most of my life, I thought that meant that I was bad or wrong and I couldn't do things that normal people could do because I was so affected by my emotions.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_01: And so I have really been trying to flip the script of how could these emotions be a blessing in my life?
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, where what are the good?
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_01: I've always thought about it as bad.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_01: Could it be true that there's some good pieces of these emotions?
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and the example that's coming to my mind, I know it's a silly one, but um, I share a lot on the podcast about how I think jealousy is really a good emotion because I think it helps us tap into what we really want.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so I was on vacation with a good friend.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_01: I noticed that she shares Instagram stories and I share Instagram stories, and she was getting double the amount of viewers that I was getting.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_01: And my first instinct was to be jealous about it.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_01: I was kind of like, what the hell?
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_01: I want that many viewers.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_01: And then I was able to in that moment be like, what is underneath this?
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like, why?
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_01: Certainly, I'm not mad at her for getting these stories.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what's going on here?
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I kind of realized that I am coming out of a season of not feeling very social.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_01: I have not been watering my network and getting out and meeting people and being in community like I used to.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_01: And my friend does that.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, that's like her whole life.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_01: And so there's a part of me saying, hey, Shay, you miss this and you want more of it.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_01: You want more community, you want more socializing, you want to grow your network, you love that.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_01: How could you do more of that?
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_01: And so in that moment, I kind of realized, like, oh, I took this quote unquote bad emotion that we should feel guilty about having.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_01: And then I was able to kind of alchemize it or transmute it into my inner self is trying to communicate something to me about what I want.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_01: So, what could I do to act differently, to change?
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, what a beautiful blessing.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so glad that that feeling came over me.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_01: In the same, so now I've just been trying to do that with everything.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_01: If I wake up feeling anxious, typically for me, anxiety is a sign that what I want and how I'm acting are out of alignment.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: Usually I'm avoiding something.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_01: And so when I wake up anxious, I'll try to bring that curious mind.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, what's going on here?
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_01: Um, what is this trying to tell me?
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_01: What is what is where am I avoiding?
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_01: What is out of alignment in my life?
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_01: What actions could I take today to start rectifying that?
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_01: And so for me, that has been the big shift.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_01: And there's a piece of this, every time you get one of these emotions, it's probably a piece of you.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_01: Listen to our inner child episode.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_01: It'll come out soon, or an IFS episode.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_01: There's a piece of you that is reacting.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_01: And typically that piece is a younger version of you that had to deal with something to survive.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_01: Like Mariah was saying, all of these pieces came into place because they felt like they had to protect you to survive.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_01: So, how can you revisit that piece of yourself that's popping off in that moment, have a little love and grace for it, and then really try to ask questions and take it a level deeper.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_01: There's an inner piece of you that is God and is connected to peace and calm all the time, and it's trying to communicate with you, but it's very quiet and subtle.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's how we really connect with it is bringing curiosity into these emotions that pop up in a day-to-day.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm glad that you brought the IFS into this, which will be coming out after this episode.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_02: So after you guys listen to this, keep your eyes peeled for that one.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_02: It's really, really good.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_02: We go through like um a walkthrough example, like live on the call.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_02: I had no idea that Tammy was gonna do that, but she was like, let's go into this now.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and that was really hopefully it's it's really helpful for you.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_02: It was really eye-opening to me to see all of like the different parts of you because I've heard of IFS, I've messed with it a little bit uh with my friend Kaylee, who we talked to in the EMDR episode earlier this season, which I have sent, like, I don't know what it is.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_02: I have sent that episode to literally five people in the past week.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I think that people are craving deeper forms of awareness, therapy, whatever you want to call it.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_02: EMDR is amazing.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_02: And like combining it with like this IFS, like this parts work is really helpful.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_02: And I really I like understood the basics of IFS before, but like that has been wildly supportive in terms of like giving me a framework.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_02: If I'm if I'm the framework girl and I want to know the strategy and like want to be practical and whatever, IFS and like giving me questions to start at with my curiosity is like really, really supportive.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_02: And it's funny because you said, you know, the jealousy example.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_02: And I feel like what comes up for me, what I feel like I've really like the God universe has been beating me over the head.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_02: Like this is the stick that just like keeps on hitting me over and over again lately, has to do with boundaries.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_02: And like, of course, looking at my childhood, I could, I could not have boundaries because I would not be safe.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_02: I needed to meld with my parents in order to create safety for myself.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_02: So of course, boundaries feel fucking weird, especially with my family.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a little bit better with boundaries like with business and like with friends, essentially, but like with my family, man, it is just it's very, very difficult.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I notice that like I'm overloading my plate or like looking at my schedule and I'm feeling overwhelmed.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_02: Like you said, jealousy pops up for me.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_02: It's like I get this feeling of like, everybody, leave me the fuck alone.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_02: Everybody.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_02: And like I will have a friend texting me, hey, love you so much, let's get together.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_02: And my instant reaction was like, no, leave me alone.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_02: Andrew's like, Hey, do you want?
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, no, leave me alone.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_02: Like, leave me alone.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to be around anybody.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to answer an email.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I literally just want to like lock myself in like a little cocoon and like do what I want.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_02: And I used to get annoyed at that.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, this is everybody else.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_02: Why is everybody not leaving me alone?
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Well, my boundaries teach people how to treat me and how I expect to be treated.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_02: And so I kind of had to flip the script too and kind of ask myself, what is this feeling trying to tell me?
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_02: This is not just popping up for the fuck of it.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what is it telling me?
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_02: What am I really craving?
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like when I feel like that, I am craving space to myself.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, if I am craving space to myself, why is there a part of me that doesn't think that I deserve that?
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_02: Why is there a part of me that feels like she can't have that, that that's unattainable, that that's not supportive for other people?
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_02: Why is there a part of me that thinks that I have to meet everybody else's needs and then put mine on the back burner?
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, of course there's a part of me that thinks that I need to put everybody else's needs ahead of mine.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_02: And it all sums back to like the shit that I had to deal with.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's like we all have our own flavor of this.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like that keeps coming up.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_02: And I feel like this is the one that I feel like I tried to solve before.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_02: I thought that I figured it out.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_02: And then it's just just just like deeper and deeper and deeper layers of it to the point where like I'm starting to connect different like muscle imbalances with this in my body.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_02: And like, so when I was little, I got my tonsils out.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_02: Me and my brother both, we had strep throat four or five, six times a year.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_02: I ended up getting my tonsils out.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_02: Tonsils are part of the throat, the throat is connected to expression.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_02: No shit, I had to get my tonsils out.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_02: And still to this day, as an adult, I feel like I can't express my boundaries.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_02: I can't express myself with anger.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_02: And it's so wild because like there is a part of me that feels really good with my boundaries.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_02: I have friends and I have clients that are like, Raya, listen, I don't want to like overstep your boundaries, like whatever, but I feel like you're really good with boundaries.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_02: So I feel like you would just tell me.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_02: But then there's this part of me that's like, I can't express what I really need, and then I'm frustrated that I don't do it, and then I'm mad at myself.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_02: And it's just like, I feel like we have to keep coming back to, and it's hard, it's not fucking easy, but like we have to keep coming back to what is this emotion trying to tell me?
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_02: What is it trying to tell me?
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_02: It's not happening for no reason, and sometimes there isn't a deeper meaning, or we're not meant to go into the deeper meaning.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes we're literally just meant to express it and move on.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think that everything needs to be psychoanalyzed, but I do think that like when you're starting to notice a pattern, it's the pattern that you want to be aware of, not like the little intricacies so much, but like, oh, this is showing up over and over again, or this is becoming a cycle, or wow, I'm really in this season where like I'm noticing this over and over again.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_02: And I feel like that is where you can allow yourself to get curious because I've also been in the spiritual rabbit hole of everything is a new layer that I have to uncover.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_02: And y'all, I wouldn't be able to fucking do what I do and like have a life if I only spend my time doing inner child healing or like some kind of healing and spiritual practice and meditation and moving my body.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_02: And like I would not be able to function in society if I only did that.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_02: Because like you can get into a rabbit hole where you feel like there's no end.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_02: But it's like, how do you allow yourself?
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that that's why I like IFS so much.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_02: Like, it's a tangible something to kind of pull out, and then you layer in EMDR, if possible, of like now moving through that, like with your eyes.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_02: It's oh fuck, like these things that we're learning and the way that they all come together, and then you layer on somatics.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_02: Somatics is a whole other conversation.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, tell us well.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_01: I can't decide where I want to go.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_01: You said something I do want to touch on before we move on.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_01: You said I can't express what I really need, and that really like hit a nerve with me.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_01: I think that is the feeling of a lot of this.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I know I need something, I want something, but I can't really put words to it, I can't really express it.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I think a lot of us feel like we don't know how to express, A, and then B, we don't know what we want or need, and that's a frustrating feeling.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_01: And so most of these things, if this sounds crazy, are connected with past experiences that you've had.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_01: And so when you are able to, like Mariah is saying, use some of these tools to kind of disconnect in the moment and kind of layer things out and think about it, you can go back to that point in time where you did not feel safe for whatever reason.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_01: And at that time you did whatever you had to do to feel safe and survive and have some love for that.
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_01: But now you can come as current you and create that sense of safety for that part of you.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_01: And then you'll be amazed at how that part of you all of a sudden can just let it all go.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_01: And now all of a sudden, you don't react the same way that you used to react when your parents raised their voices.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of this stuff, if you can kind of tie it back to how you had to be with your parents, is usually like the STEM.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_02: So that's why I think a lot of inner child work goes back to inner parent work or kind of not inner parent work, but having a reparenting, you know, reparenting yourself.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_02: I think that that's that's really kind of like what it comes back to is like reparenting yourself.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_02: And maybe it's not your parents, maybe your parents weren't around, maybe it was somebody else that was like a caregiver or like lack thereof diving into all of that and like really allowing reminding yourself that you're an adult now.
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_02: It sounds so fucking lame.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_02: Of course, and you're safe as an adult.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, of course I'm safe.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_02: What do you mean?
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_02: Logically, of course, it feels silly that I have to remind myself, but there's so many parts of me that don't have that logic, that don't have that foundation.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's like, can you, as the adult now, kind of go back and remind yourself, hey, I'm here for you now, babe?
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_02: Like, you you don't have to do this alone.
• 37:53
  SPEAKER_02: I'm here.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_02: You don't have to carry this.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_02: Give it to me.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_02: I can carry it.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_02: And even just saying that, I get chills because it's like, God, I I wish that there was, you know what I mean?
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I wish that there was an adult back then that could have done that for me.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_02: And there wasn't.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_02: And so, like, how can I be that for myself now?
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's such a good point.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, this part of you that is showing up, it's not acting from a logical place because I am the same where I'm like, okay, I'm gonna go back and tell myself that I'm safe.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'm an adult now.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_01: But like that piece of you is not connected to your logical brain.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's on a whole different plane entirely, and it is running the show before your logical brain more than you realize.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_01: So that's why this stuff is really uncomfortable and vulnerable.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot of times when you talk about it, you're like, Oh, I sound like a three-year-old.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_01: I just sound like an idiot little kid, but like that's what it is.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_01: That is who is taking the driver's wheel of your life and making decisions if you don't face these things.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_02: Think about it.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_02: And I mean, like, I don't know if you guys have seen them, but like some of my favorite Instagram posts are just like from moms that have toddlers and like explain why their toddlers are throwing tantrums.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like, I wouldn't let my kid eat like dishwasher detergent.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_02: So my kid is throwing a tantrum.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_02: And it's so funny to us as an adult because it's like, yeah, kid, why would you want to eat dishwasher detergent?
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_02: But this kid is just having a big feeling, there's no logic behind it.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_02: And I feel like if we can just like come in with that, that grace, like as a parent, it's like this is silly.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_02: This is not life or death.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_02: And I know that it feels life or death for you.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_02: But it's like going back and just being that solid foundation can be a game changer, even if you still are a little upset that you couldn't eat the dishwasher pod.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_02: Like you still have that emotion stored in you somewhere because it's not about the situation, it's about like how, like what you made that situation mean about you.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that we forget about that as adults.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_01: And that was actually very helpful for me to reconnect with like I may not be remembering correctly.
• 40:05
  SPEAKER_01: I was a little kid processing information and turning it into a story.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_01: And that may not have been the truth of the matter.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_01: I was just a little kid with a little kid brain trying to process big things.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_01: So this story that I've held on to may not even really be the truth of it.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_01: And we may never know the truth, but you being able to go back as an adult and just tell yourself, like, for me, a lot of it was like, hey, this isn't normal.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_01: And like you could have gotten more support here, and I'm here to give you that support now.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_01: It just a lot of my inner child stuff has to go with when I had big feelings, I was kind of sent to my room and just had to deal with it on my own.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_01: So a lot of this is like reconnecting to me in that room, trying to make sense of all of these big feelings.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_01: And so, like the use you use that word grace.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_01: I grace is really grace and curiosity are like the big players here, you guys.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_01: Have some compassion.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_01: This stuff feels really uncomfortable and makes you feel like a little kid, and it should.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_01: It is a little kid version of you kind of acting out.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_01: But um I can tell you from the other side, I had an experience with my parents this week.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_01: My parents um get riled up quickly and they raise their voices a lot.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so we were in a very emotional situation and they both were raising their voice.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I felt a piece of me escalate, and I wanted to raise my voice too, because that is how we used to interact with each other.
• 41:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but then I also had this new piece of me.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I guess that an IFS person would call that my core self, that was staying very calm and was able to stay neutral and kind of be the neutral party in the situation, which is what we needed at the time.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_01: And that calm part of me was a very new experience.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_01: I had not ever felt that with them in those situations before.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_01: So to me, that that's growth.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like I literally am like, oh, this is how I used to act, but I know I don't have to be that anymore.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_01: I've kind of reparented that part of me, and I can bring this calm, loving, peace presence now, and I can be this other force here.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_01: That was like insanely liberating.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like I was like, holy shit, like this is crazy.
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_01: This is different than how it used to be, and that is so empowering.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and it's funny because like I think that we have to throw ourselves into the fire to prove that we've gained these skills or to integrate what we're learning because there is there's one piece of the puzzle here that's like reflection and curiosity and getting angry, and then there's another part where it's like, and are you gonna integrate what you're learning?
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_02: Are you going to allow yourself to align your actions with your values or what you want with what you are doing?
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_02: That's fucking hard, wildly hard, especially if the people that you're interacting with don't have emotional awareness, don't have self-awareness.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_02: It's very difficult.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_02: And like I, when we moved, I thought, you know, I was I had all this space living on a mountain, hanging out, doing whatever, and I'm doing inner child work and I'm journaling and I'm feeling like whatever, and I can ignore my parents' calls and like I don't have to be the glue.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_02: I used to say, I feel like the glue that's holding this entire family together.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_02: Everybody came to me with their problems.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_02: And I I remember saying, I'm sick and tired of putting out fires that I did not start.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_02: And so a big motivator for me moving was like to get the fuck away from that situation.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_02: And then I thought moving home, I was like, Y'all, I'm gonna kill it.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm just like, I'm a boss ass bitch here.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_02: I come home.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I didn't have any relationships really to go ahead and to integrate my learnings and my awareness.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_02: So I feel like moving home, I took 17 steps back.
• 43:59
  SPEAKER_02: I'm Right back where I thought I was.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_02: That was really hard for me.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_02: For somebody that's like extremely ambitious and like really action-oriented, detail-oriented, feeling like I went a million steps back was awful.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_02: But it wasn't until like I had myself in situations.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like all of that healing and solitude was needed because it brought me the awareness.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_02: And then being in the moment, I remember being in the moment and acting the way that I would have acted previously.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_02: And it was like this little part of me was like, yep, this doesn't feel right.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_02: Where before the solitude, I wouldn't have had that little part of me that was like, this doesn't feel right because it just felt like me.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_02: But now I come back and I go, yep, this doesn't feel right.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_02: Now that gives me another layer to go deeper.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_02: Why didn't that feel right?
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_02: And now I'm back in situations where I'm like having conversations way more often, having to say no, having to figure out what I want, having to express my needs way more often.
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_02: That it's giving me these situations to go ahead and to like integrate and to go ahead and to like express what I'm learning about myself and what I need for myself.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_02: And I feel like that is half of it.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_02: But like if you would have asked me a year ago, I would have been like, yo, I'm good.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_02: We're good.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_02: Everything's good.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_02: And then this past year came and I was like, we are not okay, fam.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_02: We are not okay here.
• 45:22
  SPEAKER_02: But it's like I feel so much more grounded and empowered in my decisions.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_02: And like I no longer feel like I'm a stick that gets swept up when the wind becomes intense.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like I grew some roots.
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_01: Getting less swept up into things is a great metaphor for that, exactly.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, the other thing that's coming to my mind is you shared that story is like the idea of the monk that goes and meditates in the cave, right?
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_01: Like you went up on a mountain and I've had that, I moved across the world.
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's nice to get out and be able to zoom out and see the forest through the trees.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_01: But like a monk in a cave, you can sit there and be enlightened in a cave, but there's nothing triggering you.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_01: You're not facing obstacles.
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you're just sitting there thinking it, feeling the peace.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_01: But I do think you're what you're saying is true.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_01: There is a second half of this of facing life, facing the things that trigger you, being able to go through your life and do your day-to-day things and regulate yourself, calm yourself down, reparent yourself in the moment, and then show up as that person that you want to be, you know, that you imagine yourself in while you're in the cave.
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_01: If you can then go out in the real world and be that person that to me, that's where like the real growth is.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_02: And it's when you can do that, you're opening the door for other people to meet you at the new level that you're at.
• 46:46
  SPEAKER_02: And they won't always do that.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_02: But you're giving them the opportunity to.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_02: And like an example that I'll that I'll share, because I don't think my mom's ever gonna listen to this.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_02: God bless her if she does.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_02: Mom, I love you.
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_02: Um a couple months ago, basically, I was like really thinking through some stuff, going like meditating on some things, doing some EMDR around my mom, and like my mom being suicidal growing up.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_02: And my mom showed up to my house.
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_02: She had to like drop off my mail or something.
• 47:17
  SPEAKER_02: Cause at the time, we were getting our mail delivered at my mom's house because we were at like an in-between kind of house, waiting for our place to be ready.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_02: So my mom dropped off the mail and I was like, mom, I'm I'm sitting with some things that were like really hard for me that are like that, like keep coming up.
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_02: And my mom is, she's very caring.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I never wondered if my mom loved me growing up.
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um, which I'm I'm very grateful for.
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_02: Like childhood was very intense and chaotic and traumatic, but like I never had to wonder if she cared.
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_02: And so I do feel safe kind of expressing some emotions even now.
• 47:50
  SPEAKER_02: Like, my mom is very receptive to me.
• 47:53
  SPEAKER_02: I think she kind of sees me as her mom sometimes, which makes me angry.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_02: Um, that it even has to be like that.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_02: But like I kind of was like, hey, I'm I kind of set with some stuff.
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, mom, it was really hard for me as a kid.
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_02: Like when you were going through these episodes, I was like, I remember you leaving the house and I wanted to come with you.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Can I come with you?
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_02: And she was like, no.
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, well, when are you gonna be back?
• 48:20
  SPEAKER_02: And she was like, I don't know if I will.
• 48:22
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, who was there for me?
• 48:27
  SPEAKER_02: Nobody.
• 48:27
  SPEAKER_02: I go, I had to be there for myself.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_02: You weren't okay.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_02: And like, then I like that was really hard for me.
• 48:35
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm really sitting like right now with like how fucking hard that was as a seven-year-old to sit there and then also have my father who's doing God knows what.
• 48:45
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, that was really hard for me.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_02: And she like almost started crying and she was like, I just I know that because I I kind of started the conversation with I don't need you to like make it better.
• 48:56
  SPEAKER_02: I just want to tell you.
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_02: And she was like, Thank you for telling me.
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_02: And I know that you said that you don't need anything for me, but like she looked at me and she was like, I'm sorry.
• 49:07
  SPEAKER_02: I'm really sorry for that.
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_02: That is not fair for you, that you had to go through that.
• 49:12
  SPEAKER_02: And she ended up explaining that um she was on different meds for like depression at the time.
• 49:19
  SPEAKER_02: And she was like, and the meds around then did not sit with me well, took me to a whole other place.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_02: She was like, I was not myself.
• 49:25
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't have a foundation, I didn't have anybody, and I'm so sorry that that bled into you.
• 49:29
  SPEAKER_02: You didn't deserve that, and I should have been better or had somebody be there for you.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_02: I would have never thought that I could have that conversation with my mother because I was so internally feeling all of these different parts.
• 49:44
  SPEAKER_02: Like it felt so chaotic internally that I couldn't come from a neutral spot and just be like, hey, I just want to share this with you.
• 49:51
  SPEAKER_02: This is what I need, this is what I experienced.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_02: And because I came at it from that angle, instead of accusatory or instead of I need you to hear me out and like anger, I just came from this is on my heart and I want to share it with you because like we have a relationship and I respect this relationship.
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_02: I would like to make this relationship better.
• 50:09
  SPEAKER_02: She was able to meet me in that.
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_02: And that was so fucking healing for me.
• 50:13
  SPEAKER_02: But I wouldn't have been able to do that if I didn't sit with my own shit and my own feelings first and like really come up and communicate.
• 50:20
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm not saying that like you have to do this with anybody in your life, but like that was just like a huge moment and a huge reminder for me of when I respect myself, when I respect my feelings, and when I am clear on my needs, or at least um clear that I have needs and I might not know what they are, but I can come to somebody that I am in a close relationship with, it doesn't have to be World War III.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_02: Like it doesn't have to be this big, huge thing.
• 50:50
  SPEAKER_02: People can be there for you.
• 50:52
  SPEAKER_02: And like I feel like I didn't really have examples of that in the past.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, you're so right.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_01: You're making me, I've had it in my head, like, oh, my parents, old dogs, new tricks, like I've done all this work, but I don't need to have these conversations with them because I know, I know, quote unquote, that it won't be well received.
• 51:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I have this story in my head, like, oh, I'm on such a different chapter than they are.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_01: So you're right, though.
• 51:16
  SPEAKER_01: I do think there's power, and this connects to our communication episodes we've shot this season.
• 51:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, one with Lauren from Boundless, which will come out in the next week.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_01: And then um, Brian and I shot one about why can't people communicate?
• 51:30
  SPEAKER_01: But the super power with communication is neutrality and curiosity.
• 51:36
  SPEAKER_01: So it's very hard to come to your parents with this deep issue that has been plaguing you your whole life and something you felt uncomfortable about and you couldn't even really put your thoughts together about it.
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_01: That's very vulnerable to do.
• 51:50
  SPEAKER_01: And then being able to do that from a neutral, non-accusatory place because you've already expressed your anger in other ways and now you can come at this very neutral, very curious.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_01: That that's the difference.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_01: That that's really the power.
• 52:04
  SPEAKER_01: And that's where you're gonna get more healthy conversations.
• 52:06
  SPEAKER_01: And even if the person on the other end can't react that way, they're not at the same level as your mom is, and maybe they don't react in the way that you were hoping they would, you can still feel proud of yourself that you did your own work and you kept your side of the street clean and you showed up and you advocated for yourself and communicated your needs.
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like that is still a win.
• 52:28
  SPEAKER_01: But you're right, we can't demand that the person on the other side shows up in a certain way.
• 52:33
  SPEAKER_01: And they may not always, right?
• 52:34
  SPEAKER_01: And so at the end of the day, as long as I'm going to bed at night feeling like I stood up for myself and my own needs, that that's really the win.
• 52:43
  SPEAKER_01: But I definitely love that story and it ties together another piece of this, which is the good.
• 52:49
  SPEAKER_01: We talked about like the good, the bad, and the what the fuck.
• 52:52
  SPEAKER_01: There's some beautiful parts about healing these pieces of you, healing relationships with your parents or the people that raised you.
• 53:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I I've met a new friend in my life, and we've both been kind of going through some inner child work and dealing with our parents.
• 53:08
  SPEAKER_01: And he told me the other day, he just went to his parents, he was having a lot of like frustration and anger.
• 53:13
  SPEAKER_01: As you start to open the stuff up, it'll bring up a lot.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_01: And he just told his parents, you know, like, obviously, I don't agree with everything that happened and there was some tough stuff, but you guys, I love who I am today.
• 53:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I would not have been this person if you guys didn't raise me the way that you raised me.
• 53:29
  SPEAKER_01: So there are things to be grateful for.
• 53:32
  SPEAKER_01: You are, Mariah, this awesome human being today, because of all the adversity you faced.
• 53:38
  SPEAKER_01: And even though that is shitty and you didn't deserve it, there is still something to be grateful for.
• 53:43
  SPEAKER_01: And that I, when I heard him say that, I was like, holy shit, that was such a mind-blowing moment for me of like, could I find some gratitude for my parents that I have all this anger popping up about and all these weird feelings?
• 53:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like, there is another, there's always two sides.
• 53:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I am this person today that's curious and can communicate well and can regulate my emotions because of them.
• 54:07
  SPEAKER_01: So that was like such an interesting flip for me.
• 54:10
  SPEAKER_01: And again, helping me detach from quote unquote bad emotions is reconnecting with the parts that are there that we could be grateful for.
• 54:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 54:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I think it's important to say, like, we're speaking from our own experiences.
• 54:25
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_02: Like you listening might not have experiences that this might not resonate, you might not see things because of what happened and all of the possible traumatic things that happen in life.
• 54:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but I think coming back to even being grateful for learning what you don't want was really important.
• 54:48
  SPEAKER_02: Like I've had some conversations with my brother, and uh, he basically was like, I'm grateful for mom and dad's relationship because it showed me exactly what I don't want.
• 54:57
  SPEAKER_02: Um, even if you can't have conversations, like my brother is not having conversations with my parents about this.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_02: He handles his things in a completely different way.
• 55:05
  SPEAKER_02: And then I have an older brother who handles it in another completely different way, like three kids, same family.
• 55:11
  SPEAKER_02: We are all very, very different.
• 55:14
  SPEAKER_02: We do obviously have some similarities, um, but very, very different.
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I think it just comes back to like asking yourself, what's gonna bring you peace?
• 55:25
  SPEAKER_02: And like what is going to empower you to come back to yourself?
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_02: All of these stories, all of these examples might not mean jack shit to you, and that's totally fine.
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, but I think just being like, what can I learn from this?
• 55:43
  SPEAKER_02: Or like what am I grateful for myself about?
• 55:46
  SPEAKER_02: And maybe it's the simple fact of like, I'm grateful that I'm just like more aware.
• 55:51
  SPEAKER_02: That's it.
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_02: It doesn't have to be anything, anything big or anything deep if you don't want it to be.
• 55:57
  SPEAKER_02: And that's kind of the cool thing is like when we get quiet enough to listen to our intuition and our internal world, we allow ourselves to then show up and express ourselves more authentically.
• 56:14
  SPEAKER_02: And like, I love the word authentically when it's used with like that's that soul resonance, like you know what's authentic for you.
• 56:23
  SPEAKER_02: And you might not, but like you probably do.
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_02: Like after you say something, you're just like, oh, you're like, why did I say that?
• 56:29
  SPEAKER_02: Or like later after a conversation, you're like, I could have handled that differently.
• 56:34
  SPEAKER_02: And I think it's just a really good reminder to like come back and listen to these intuitive nudges, to just be curiously guided.
• 56:42
  SPEAKER_02: What is your intuition trying to have you learn about?
• 56:45
  SPEAKER_02: Because I do believe that we are in earth school.
• 56:48
  SPEAKER_02: I think that we are on this journey to learn about ourselves and about how we interact with the world.
• 56:54
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that we learn very much about ourselves through our interactions with the world and in relationships, but it all comes back to like you developing a deeper relationship with yourself.
• 57:03
  SPEAKER_02: And like that's why curiosity is so fucking powerful.
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_01: Snaps.
• 57:09
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 57:09
  SPEAKER_01: And that's exactly where I wanted to kind of go with this.
• 57:12
  SPEAKER_01: Why are we talking about this?
• 57:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, Mariah and I have been laughing.
• 57:17
  SPEAKER_01: This podcast is about where the inner work meets the outer work for business owners or people who run, make money online.
• 57:24
  SPEAKER_01: Why are we talking about inner child healing?
• 57:26
  SPEAKER_01: Why this whole season we've talked about inner work almost exclusively.
• 57:30
  SPEAKER_01: There's been a few episodes that aren't about the inner work, but we've been talking to business owners about how they are dealing with themselves and how they are connecting with their emotions and regulating themselves.
• 57:41
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 57:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like why?
• 57:43
  SPEAKER_01: And it's come to me now as you were talking, when we do this, it gives us permission to be our true authentic selves.
• 57:54
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I think the more of us that are operating in the world connected to who we are and our true selves, those are the people that are following curiosity.
• 58:05
  SPEAKER_01: Those are the people that are building careers that are changing the world and they're doing really impactful work and they're lit up and fired up.
• 58:12
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what I want more of.
• 58:14
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of us are just bombarded with, you know, buy this face mask, you know, get this surgery done, be this way, to adopt this personality, be this person.
• 58:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like I just feel like we're being told who we should be, and we are very connected, disconnected with who we are, what we want, how we express ourselves.
• 58:35
  SPEAKER_01: And so when you can do these things, when you can connect with yourself, express yourself, be connected to who you truly, what you truly want and what you want to do in this world, I think the world is a better place.
• 58:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I want more people connected to themselves as opposed to connected to what mother culture tells them that they should be.
• 58:53
  SPEAKER_01: And so when you do this work, it allows you to do more meaningful outer work.
• 58:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I think what is missing from the outer work conversations that we hear a lot is hey, you successful entrepreneur, do you wake up with sweaty palms freaking out?
• 59:09
  SPEAKER_01: And how do you deal with it?
• 59:11
  SPEAKER_01: How do you deal with these crazy emotions that are popping up in your face as you're going through this personal development journey of launching your own business or building a career that's out of the box or whatever it is that you strikes your curiosity?
• 59:25
  SPEAKER_01: So the whole point of this, guys, is we want to show up, me and Mariah, as more and more of ourselves every single day because that makes me feel alive.
• 59:36
  SPEAKER_01: It makes me feel like I'm in our school doing what I'm supposed to be doing in our school.
• 59:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to be surrounded with people that are on the same page.
• 59:42
  SPEAKER_01: So I hope this doesn't feel like a tangent to y'all.
• 59:46
  SPEAKER_01: I think that this work is like the foundation of everything that helps us show up and be lights in this world that light other people's candles.
• 59:55
  SPEAKER_01: So don't neglect these pieces.
• 59:57
  SPEAKER_01: They may make you roll your eyes, they may make you feel uncomfortable, vulnerable, it brings up a lot of shit that you oh just feels like sludge.
• 1:00:06
  SPEAKER_01: But the other side of it is you doing really cool work that you feel really fired up about.
• 1:00:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that is worth it.
• 1:00:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:00:14
  SPEAKER_02: And allowing yourself to take note of either like what your inner child is craving, what younger you is craving, what are you craving more?
• 1:00:25
  SPEAKER_02: Ask them, what do you want?
• 1:00:26
  SPEAKER_02: What are you craving?
• 1:00:28
  SPEAKER_02: Or if that feels too, I don't know, unaligned, what are you craving?
• 1:00:34
  SPEAKER_02: Because like if you're the adult that has all of these different parts of you, kind of inside of you, what are you craving and what are you wanting?
• 1:00:41
  SPEAKER_02: And really paying attention to where your curiosity is leading you, even if it feels weird.
• 1:00:45
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm just gonna give an example that's kind of popped up recently.
• 1:00:48
  SPEAKER_02: So I have uh tried to figure out my health for literally 400 years, it feels like.
• 1:01:00
  SPEAKER_02: I have been on this journey, started seeing a nutritionist.
• 1:01:03
  SPEAKER_02: I almost didn't see her because I was like, my diet is dialed in.
• 1:01:07
  SPEAKER_02: It really is.
• 1:01:08
  SPEAKER_02: Like I eat really well, I eat pro like fantastically.
• 1:01:13
  SPEAKER_02: Very, very, I don't want to say rigid, um, but like I've spent a lot of time developing habits around what I eat and how I eat and what time I eat and all of that.
• 1:01:22
  SPEAKER_02: And that's really important to me.
• 1:01:23
  SPEAKER_02: But I still wasn't seeing progress.
• 1:01:25
  SPEAKER_02: And so to me, I'm like, okay, if it's not the diet, then it's the movement.
• 1:01:33
  SPEAKER_02: It could be the movement.
• 1:01:34
  SPEAKER_02: I do have resistance to movement sometimes, which I kind of just realized last week.
• 1:01:39
  SPEAKER_02: I have resistance to movement.
• 1:01:41
  SPEAKER_02: People are like, yeah, like when Shea Shares moving through anger, I do an intense exercise.
• 1:01:46
  SPEAKER_02: A part of me is like, get the fuck away from me from that.
• 1:01:50
  SPEAKER_02: I've done that.
• 1:01:51
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I used to love intense exercise.
• 1:01:53
  SPEAKER_02: Why is there a part of me now that is so fucking resistant to it?
• 1:01:57
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to do that.
• 1:01:58
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, why?
• 1:01:59
  SPEAKER_02: And just like getting honest with myself about what I'm craving.
• 1:02:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, fuck.
• 1:02:04
  SPEAKER_02: I have this, I have this intuitive nudge.
• 1:02:06
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I feel like I should be doing some kind of somatic movement.
• 1:02:10
  SPEAKER_02: I'm having like these, like my my muscles are tight like all the fucking time.
• 1:02:17
  SPEAKER_02: My I've been having issues with my neck and my shoulder and my hip and my back and whatever.
• 1:02:21
  SPEAKER_02: I am 32 years old.
• 1:02:23
  SPEAKER_02: If you looked at how what I'm putting in my body, I would say that I should be fueling and thriving.
• 1:02:29
  SPEAKER_02: And your girl is not fucking thriving.
• 1:02:31
  SPEAKER_02: My body is screaming at me.
• 1:02:33
  SPEAKER_02: What is it screaming at me about?
• 1:02:35
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, I feel like the reason if I'm repulsed by intense exercise, does that mean that I'm craving slow exercise?
• 1:02:44
  SPEAKER_02: So then I allowed myself, I'm like, okay, well, my PSOA's muscle has been tight.
• 1:02:48
  SPEAKER_02: That's what I've kind of come down to.
• 1:02:50
  SPEAKER_02: My shoulders being thrown off because of my PSOA's muscle.
• 1:02:52
  SPEAKER_02: So where does your girl go?
• 1:02:54
  SPEAKER_02: Google.
• 1:02:55
  SPEAKER_02: I'm Googling.
• 1:02:55
  SPEAKER_02: Why the fuck is my PSOA's muscle tight?
• 1:02:57
  SPEAKER_02: How do I figure this out?
• 1:02:58
  SPEAKER_02: I tried some YouTube videos, didn't really get very much relief.
• 1:03:01
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, here I am looking for outer solutions again.
• 1:03:06
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:03:07
  SPEAKER_02: Go back to the drawing board, reading some more Google things.
• 1:03:09
  SPEAKER_02: I found this girl, created this blog post explaining why the PSOA's muscle is tight.
• 1:03:15
  SPEAKER_02: And this isn't a plug for SEO and keyword research, but literally, like, just wait.
• 1:03:19
  SPEAKER_02: I went to Google, I typed in a problem I had, I found a blog post, I read said blog post.
• 1:03:24
  SPEAKER_02: What she did is she kind of explained, oh, is stretching not helping or is this not helping long term?
• 1:03:31
  SPEAKER_02: It's because of.
• 1:03:32
  SPEAKER_02: So she targeted the keyword, why my psoas muscle is tight or whatever the keyword was, and switch perspective in the content.
• 1:03:38
  SPEAKER_02: And she ended up saying she was like, it's because of X, Y, and Z.
• 1:03:42
  SPEAKER_02: Explained some stuff.
• 1:03:43
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, fuck, dude, that makes so much sense.
• 1:03:45
  SPEAKER_02: And then she led me to an online self-paced course.
• 1:03:48
  SPEAKER_02: So then I clicked on the sales page, bought the course in three minutes.
• 1:03:51
  SPEAKER_02: I literally was like, take my money, girl.
• 1:03:53
  SPEAKER_02: So if you were thinking that SEO does not help, this is not a commercial, but yes, it does.
• 1:03:58
  SPEAKER_02: I literally gave this one.
• 1:03:59
  SPEAKER_02: I've never followed her on social media.
• 1:04:00
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not on our newsletter list.
• 1:04:02
  SPEAKER_02: I was not recommended this course.
• 1:04:03
  SPEAKER_02: She showed up as the perfect solution to the problem from a blog post.
• 1:04:06
  SPEAKER_02: That blog post then sold me on her course very easily because it was the obvious next step.
• 1:04:11
  SPEAKER_02: Anyways, this course is about somatic movement.
• 1:04:16
  SPEAKER_02: Holy fuck.
• 1:04:18
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, no way in hell is this actually going to help me solve the root of my problem.
• 1:04:24
  SPEAKER_02: There's no way.
• 1:04:26
  SPEAKER_02: It doesn't make logical sense to me.
• 1:04:28
  SPEAKER_02: It's got to be the position that I'm working in.
• 1:04:31
  SPEAKER_02: It's got to be the fact that I'm not moving hard enough, that I'm not building more strength in my muscles.
• 1:04:37
  SPEAKER_02: And then I'm watching and I'm in this course and I'm like two days in.
• 1:04:41
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, today's day three.
• 1:04:43
  SPEAKER_02: After day one, I woke up yesterday.
• 1:04:47
  SPEAKER_02: I have never felt so much calmness in my body that I wanted to like flip my computer over.
• 1:04:53
  SPEAKER_02: So Shay was asking me before we hit record.
• 1:04:55
  SPEAKER_02: She has no idea my thoughts on this.
• 1:04:57
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm watching her eyes as we're recording.
• 1:04:58
  SPEAKER_02: So um it was absolutely miraculous how different my body felt yesterday.
• 1:05:07
  SPEAKER_02: These movements are so slow and so intentional.
• 1:05:10
  SPEAKER_02: And the whole point is to literally like you, your mind is so focused on contracting and releasing your muscles in a very methodical way that you cannot think of anything else.
• 1:05:20
  SPEAKER_02: It's basically to create this strong brain mind body connection to relax your nervous system.
• 1:05:29
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, cool, makes sense to me, right?
• 1:05:32
  SPEAKER_02: So yesterday felt incredible.
• 1:05:36
  SPEAKER_02: Then I start noticing my calendar is getting filled up with calls again.
• 1:05:43
  SPEAKER_02: My to do list is growing.
• 1:05:45
  SPEAKER_02: I'm stressing out.
• 1:05:46
  SPEAKER_02: So last night I did the somatic thing, felt incredible, literally slept like a fucking baby after 10 out of 10 recommends so far.
• 1:05:56
  SPEAKER_02: This morning I wake up, my muscles are tense, my muscles are Tight.
• 1:06:00
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with me?
• 1:06:02
  SPEAKER_02: I did the somatic course.
• 1:06:03
  SPEAKER_02: And then I'm like, well, where is my brain?
• 1:06:05
  SPEAKER_02: What is my brain thinking?
• 1:06:07
  SPEAKER_02: I have all these things to do.
• 1:06:09
  SPEAKER_02: I only have one call today.
• 1:06:10
  SPEAKER_02: And then I get to hammer things off of my plate.
• 1:06:12
  SPEAKER_02: The first thing I said to Andrew when I woke up this morning, I turned over.
• 1:06:14
  SPEAKER_02: I go, I only have one call today, so I can get all these things off my plate.
• 1:06:18
  SPEAKER_02: He's laughing at me and he was like, That's the first thing that you say in the morning?
• 1:06:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, girl, you're stressed.
• 1:06:22
  SPEAKER_02: No wonder my muscles feel tight.
• 1:06:24
  SPEAKER_02: No wonder they're holding on to tension.
• 1:06:26
  SPEAKER_02: But I comparing how I feel today with how I felt after a day that I felt calm and relaxed and did the somatics and like whatever, it is wild to me the difference that I am seeing in my own body and how my muscles are contracting on like a moment-to-moment basis based on where my mind is at.
• 1:06:48
  SPEAKER_02: I have just never seen such clear data in my own body before.
• 1:06:53
  SPEAKER_02: And I go, no wonder I need slowness.
• 1:06:57
  SPEAKER_02: Of course, my muscles need slowness.
• 1:06:59
  SPEAKER_02: Of course, my nervous system needs slowness, trying to heal my body.
• 1:07:02
  SPEAKER_02: What was my reaction initially?
• 1:07:04
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I gotta get my diet right.
• 1:07:06
  SPEAKER_02: I gotta do intense exercises.
• 1:07:07
  SPEAKER_02: I gotta figure this out.
• 1:07:09
  SPEAKER_02: I gotta do this.
• 1:07:09
  SPEAKER_02: I gotta check these things off of my list.
• 1:07:11
  SPEAKER_02: I gotta go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
• 1:07:13
  SPEAKER_02: Because there's a part of me that thinks that that's the only way to progress in life.
• 1:07:19
  SPEAKER_02: I feel safe in the go, go, go, dog.
• 1:07:21
  SPEAKER_02: Like I feel good here.
• 1:07:24
  SPEAKER_02: But there's a part of me that is so horrified to slow down because then what is going to come up?
• 1:07:30
  SPEAKER_02: And so I'm doing these exercises and it took me about a half hour.
• 1:07:33
  SPEAKER_02: And I noticed these emotions coming up.
• 1:07:36
  SPEAKER_02: And oh my God, I literally just had a conversation the other day.
• 1:07:38
  SPEAKER_02: Somebody was like, Yeah, I love yoga because it's like, you know, you do a hip opener and like sometimes you just cry.
• 1:07:43
  SPEAKER_02: I go, You do?
• 1:07:45
  SPEAKER_02: Who cry?
• 1:07:46
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what?
• 1:07:47
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not crying doing a hip opener.
• 1:07:50
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, these people are Looney tunes.
• 1:07:52
  SPEAKER_02: I don't actually think that.
• 1:07:53
  SPEAKER_02: I'm literally just being dramatic.
• 1:07:54
  SPEAKER_02: But and then I'm like, wow, interesting that I think that.
• 1:07:58
  SPEAKER_02: But when I'm in a yoga class, I'm usually in a room with a trillion people.
• 1:08:02
  SPEAKER_02: Of course, I don't feel safe to release.
• 1:08:04
  SPEAKER_02: But as I'm in my home, I made like a little exercise workout room in our spare room.
• 1:08:09
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm doing this and I'm noticing doing these small movements like throughout my hips and my back and whatever, because she says you got to focus on the core, which makes sense to me.
• 1:08:18
  SPEAKER_02: And I start getting these memories of being a child and like where this like lack of safety came in my body and like getting judged for being extremely overweight, not feeling safe, and not feeling loved, like around these really informative elementary school years.
• 1:08:35
  SPEAKER_02: No wonder I don't feel safe.
• 1:08:37
  SPEAKER_02: No wonder, like I need slowness.
• 1:08:42
  SPEAKER_02: My muscles and tension have been craving for me to slow down, but I thought that that wasn't productive enough.
• 1:08:49
  SPEAKER_02: And so, like, it's just wild.
• 1:08:51
  SPEAKER_02: And I even find myself now, I'm like, I gotta do because this level one of this course takes two months.
• 1:08:57
  SPEAKER_02: Do you know how long that is for me?
• 1:08:59
  SPEAKER_02: Like for anybody, two months.
• 1:09:01
  SPEAKER_02: And they were like, you are not allowed to skip ahead because that's not the point of the program.
• 1:09:04
  SPEAKER_02: Like, you have to go at it slow.
• 1:09:06
  SPEAKER_02: I am hating that so much.
• 1:09:07
  SPEAKER_02: And even now, I'm like, we have to do the same exercises for like three days in a row.
• 1:09:11
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, lame.
• 1:09:12
  SPEAKER_02: Not even looking forward to it.
• 1:09:14
  SPEAKER_02: But I know when I'm in it, my body is going to be thank you so much for giving me this.
• 1:09:18
  SPEAKER_02: This is exactly what we need.
• 1:09:20
  SPEAKER_02: And so I just wanted to share that's what that's the rabbit hole that I've been, that I've been learning.
• 1:09:27
  SPEAKER_02: I will put a link to the course below.
• 1:09:29
  SPEAKER_02: Level one is$45.
• 1:09:31
  SPEAKER_02: Like it was like, what?
• 1:09:33
  SPEAKER_02: What?
• 1:09:34
  SPEAKER_02: So, like, if you're resonating with this, I literally told a friend yesterday and she was like, Yeah, I just bought it.
• 1:09:38
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like a walk-in commercial for shit.
• 1:09:40
  SPEAKER_02: Like it has been really interesting to notice how it feels in my body.
• 1:09:46
  SPEAKER_01: That's so cool.
• 1:09:47
  SPEAKER_01: I was literally gonna tee you up for that story.
• 1:09:49
  SPEAKER_01: I was gonna say, so Mraya, I heard you're curious about a somatics course.
• 1:09:53
  SPEAKER_01: And so you went right into it.
• 1:09:54
  SPEAKER_01: That's great.
• 1:09:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I have also noticed, I one thing I do, I don't know if this is for anger.
• 1:10:00
  SPEAKER_01: I kind of tell myself this is more for play, but if this resonates with you, dancing, like even just um there's this YouTube channel called the Fitness Marshall.
• 1:10:10
  SPEAKER_01: There's something about learning for me, dance moves where I am thinking, okay, I need to move my left arm, and then I move my left arm.
• 1:10:18
  SPEAKER_01: And that that connection of thinking brain with body movement is very A, it feels a bit silly and playful because I'm messing up all the time.
• 1:10:29
  SPEAKER_01: So it kind of helps me not be so serious.
• 1:10:31
  SPEAKER_01: But after those classes, I I know what you're saying.
• 1:10:34
  SPEAKER_01: I feel insanely calm.
• 1:10:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's because I've let this powerful brain of mine shut down for a minute and um connected, connected it with my body and my body's movements and how I'm moving.
• 1:10:49
  SPEAKER_01: And that is embodied.
• 1:10:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like it sounds so basic, but that is what calms us down.
• 1:10:54
  SPEAKER_01: So I am also about to pay$45 and get this course.
• 1:10:57
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's incredible.
• 1:10:58
  SPEAKER_01: And as you were talking, I kind of realized recently I've gotten for me, the feeling I like to feel is kind of like that rung out feeling like you did a really hard workout and you're kind of just jello afterwards.
• 1:11:12
  SPEAKER_01: That that for me is very a calm feeling.
• 1:11:14
  SPEAKER_01: And that if I'm feeling kind of riled up, I like that.
• 1:11:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I've had a friend kind of bully me into cold plunging and saunaing, that hot and cold therapy.
• 1:11:24
  SPEAKER_01: And um, I tell you guys, I I hate cold.
• 1:11:28
  SPEAKER_01: I had so much resistance around the cold.
• 1:11:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I am just dabbling right now.
• 1:11:34
  SPEAKER_01: She's trying to get me to in February be outside, bring a pickaxe and get into a lake, cut the ice and get into the lake.
• 1:11:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not there yet, but I will say, just with experimenting in ways that I feel comfortable with with hot and cold therapy, it gives me that feeling.
• 1:11:50
  SPEAKER_01: It gives me that I'm connected with my body, I'm calm, I feel wrung out without like a really intense exercise.
• 1:11:56
  SPEAKER_01: So the the reason I'm making this point is as Mariah and I always joke that we're in the same path in life.
• 1:12:03
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of times we're going through the same things, but even for her and I, the medicine often looks different.
• 1:12:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm telling you guys I need to get in a cold bath or I need to do a really hard workout.
• 1:12:14
  SPEAKER_01: And Mariah's saying, no, that's actually the opposite of what I need.
• 1:12:17
  SPEAKER_01: I need something slow.
• 1:12:18
  SPEAKER_01: And then we're both saying we love activities that connect brain and body.
• 1:12:22
  SPEAKER_01: So I just want to give you guys permission.
• 1:12:26
  SPEAKER_01: Try it all, see what works for you, put together your own menu.
• 1:12:29
  SPEAKER_01: And then the other side of this is after some time, you may do these things and they may not hit like they hit before.
• 1:12:36
  SPEAKER_01: And you may have to rewrite your menu and you may have to find new things.
• 1:12:39
  SPEAKER_01: And that's okay.
• 1:12:41
  SPEAKER_01: The beauty of all of this is that we're individuals and we get to meet ourselves where we are in that day and adjust.
• 1:12:47
  SPEAKER_01: And so I really love that story.
• 1:12:48
  SPEAKER_01: I love that you shared that.
• 1:12:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I kind of think we're about at the end here of like where we could wrap this episode up.
• 1:12:56
  SPEAKER_01: Are there any final thoughts that you want to share?
• 1:13:01
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's gonna sound like we're beating a dead horse, but like really can y'all just be curious like I did, like, like for real.
• 1:13:11
  SPEAKER_02: Um, because I feel like that's where the magic is.
• 1:13:14
  SPEAKER_02: Because like, I can't tell you what to do, your parents can't tell you what to do, nobody can tell you what to do.
• 1:13:21
  SPEAKER_02: You have to tell yourself what to do, and that feels hard, but can we make it feel fun?
• 1:13:26
  SPEAKER_02: Can we make it feel playful?
• 1:13:28
  SPEAKER_02: We're adults and we have shit to do, but like, can we listen to the intuitive nudges for the little shit?
• 1:13:38
  SPEAKER_02: Even if you don't feel like it's connected, play is inner child healing, play is teenage healing, play is adult healing, curiosity is all of it, curiosity is how we heal.
• 1:13:52
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like even if you don't want to sit in the muck or you're just like, girl, I'm so fucking, I'm so tired, I don't have the energy to sit and to do EMDR or IFS or untangle all of this bullshit.
• 1:14:08
  SPEAKER_02: Can you dance?
• 1:14:10
  SPEAKER_02: Can you play?
• 1:14:11
  SPEAKER_02: Can you move your muscles slowly?
• 1:14:13
  SPEAKER_02: Can you just be intentional?
• 1:14:16
  SPEAKER_02: I think that that's it.
• 1:14:17
  SPEAKER_02: I think that we overcomplicate so many things, but really what it comes down to is coming back to our true nature and so asking yourself what in your true nature is missing, and can you give yourself that?
• 1:14:31
  SPEAKER_02: I think that that's the medicine.
• 1:14:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:14:33
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're tired and stressed, start with why?
• 1:14:37
  SPEAKER_01: Why am I tired and stressed?
• 1:14:39
  SPEAKER_02: But ask yourself some questions.
• 1:14:40
  SPEAKER_02: Because people won't leave me alone and it's everybody else's fault and not mine.
• 1:14:44
  SPEAKER_01: And that's the start.
• 1:14:45
  SPEAKER_01: That's the first door you've got to walk through.
• 1:14:48
  SPEAKER_01: But you're so right that like it just starts with asking questions in a non-judgmental place.
• 1:14:54
  SPEAKER_01: It for me, if I'm tired and beat down and I'm hearing you and I tell me all these great things I should be doing, but I'm too tired, I'll be like, get into a weird place of like, oh, why am I so tired?
• 1:15:04
  SPEAKER_01: What is wrong with me?
• 1:15:06
  SPEAKER_01: I'm bad for being this tired.
• 1:15:08
  SPEAKER_01: And so the first step is no good or bad.
• 1:15:11
  SPEAKER_01: I see you, you're tired, you're stressed.
• 1:15:13
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, we've brought that word up a lot.
• 1:15:15
  SPEAKER_01: Of course I feel this way.
• 1:15:17
  SPEAKER_01: And for me, that's been the real liberation of inner child work.
• 1:15:20
  SPEAKER_01: Of course I react this way.
• 1:15:23
  SPEAKER_01: I can see clearly where this came from.
• 1:15:25
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's the really cool part of this is you're going to start noticing yourself say, ah, of course I react this way.
• 1:15:32
  SPEAKER_01: And that's where we start to take another step and another door open so we can get a layer deeper in the onion.
• 1:15:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, this episode was really fun.
• 1:15:40
  SPEAKER_01: I am very happy with the direction that it took and what's come out of it.
• 1:15:45
  SPEAKER_01: I hope you guys, you know, these kind of um Mariah and I episodes are really meant to be more of us reflecting with each other about what we've been learning by bringing all these awesome people on the podcast and how we are integrating it into our lives.
• 1:15:59
  SPEAKER_01: And so I hope you guys don't take any of this as us telling you what you have to do, but instead just giving you an invitation to check in with yourself.
• 1:16:07
  SPEAKER_01: And what does this look like for you?
• 1:16:09
  SPEAKER_01: Ask those questions.
• 1:16:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I think just like we just want to let you know that like we're fucking in it together.
• 1:16:15
  SPEAKER_02: We're doing it together, we're right there with you.
• 1:16:18
  SPEAKER_02: You're going through shit, or maybe you're having a really like the best day of your life, and like we're fucking there with you.
• 1:16:23
  SPEAKER_02: We're on the journey.
• 1:16:25
  SPEAKER_02: We understand that there's nuances and different perspectives, and like we just want to have conversations that kind of pull these different pieces together.
• 1:16:33
  SPEAKER_02: So I feel like if you only get anything out of any of our episodes, it's just that like we don't know shit about shit either.
• 1:16:41
  SPEAKER_02: We're really just like allowing curiosity to guide us and learning as we kind of go forward and have conversations with people.
• 1:16:49
  SPEAKER_02: And like the la I promise the last thing that I wanted to say is like, find a friend to fucking laugh with.
• 1:16:55
  SPEAKER_02: Like half the time when I'm having a tough time, it's like Shay will give me this look, and then we could just like giggle about it or just like make fun of it.
• 1:17:02
  SPEAKER_02: And like, I feel like all of us are really serious all of the time.
• 1:17:06
  SPEAKER_02: I can be serious all the time, and like, no wonder my muscles are tense because I'm trying to be a serious like bitch, and like I don't need to be.
• 1:17:13
  SPEAKER_02: Like, can't we just play and like not be serious and giggle and have fun?
• 1:17:18
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that's that's what a lot of us are missing in this day and age is like the lightness, the levity.
• 1:17:24
  SPEAKER_02: And so, like, can you give that to yourself?
• 1:17:26
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like that's really healing.
• 1:17:28
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so I think that's it.
• 1:17:30
  SPEAKER_02: Shall you feel good?
• 1:17:31
  SPEAKER_02: Close this episode down.
• 1:17:33
  SPEAKER_02: All right, so remember, friends, that you have the power to create whatever the fuck you want.
• 1:17:38
  SPEAKER_02: Follow the nudge, ask questions, and let curiosity guide the way.
• 1:17:44
  SPEAKER_02: We'll see you in the next episode.