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Hypnosis for Fear of Rejection or Abandonment · The Hypnotist

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  Welcome to The Hypnotist, the show that gives you inside
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  access to cutting edge hypnosis with real clients facing genuine
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  issues. Brought to you by the
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  Hypnotherapist, Demanded by celebrities, CEOs and even
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  royalty Adam Cox. These recordings took place live
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  from Evans Clinic in London's world famous Harley Street.
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  So get yourself comfortable and enjoy today's episode of The
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  Hypnotist. Hi.
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  It's Adam here. Now.
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  Have you ever? Been worried or scared or
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  afraid? Of being rejected.
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  Or. Abandoned if so.
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  You might find this session. Helpful, or at least useful.
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  I was working with a client that throughout their.
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  Childhood they had a sneaking. Suspicion that they were a low.
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  Priority as far as their. Father was concerned they didn't
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  feel loved or wanted or supported or appreciated by
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  their father. And it reached a point where
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  they made a decision at a fairly mature decision at a young age
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  of about 13 or 14, that they weren't going to tolerate this
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  lack of love anymore. So they kind of cut ties with
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  their father. And in doing so, it gave them a
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  lot of clarity. They didn't have to second guess
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  anymore. They could just have a clean
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  slate. Now that's a very wonderful
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  thing. But the problem is, is that it
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  taught them that if there's any anxiety about whether or not
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  they are wanted. Or loved or.
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  Have the attention. Of someone else.
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  Just by cutting them gives a lot of certainty.
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  Now, it was a good decision with their father to do that because
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  that decision was made over many years.
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  But they were finding themselves doing that in situations where
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  they might not have got a text message or a call in a few days.
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  And then they would very quickly block or unfollow people to have
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  that certainty. And what this session does is it
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  makes them feel resilient and confident and even curious that
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  if someone isn't giving them the level of attention.
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  Or. Love or affection or just
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  presence that they want. They can just be curious.
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  They can observe that without having to rush to make a
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  decision and still have the right to make that decision as
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  to whether or not they want to invest in friendships or
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  relationships of any kind. So this is very useful if you
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  find yourself, let's say, jumping before you're pushed, if
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  there is a fear of being abandoned, so you go first, then
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  the essence of this hypnosis session might be quite useful
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  for you. So this could be quite useful if
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  you like the idea of working with me.
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  What I'd encourage you to do is. There is a.
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  Webinar that I've created that actually has lots of different
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  ways of understanding how I work and what I do, what hypnosis is
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  good for, what it's not good for.
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  And there's two sets suggestibility tests that take
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  about a minute each. So you'll find out if you're a
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  great candidate for hypnosis or not.
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  So if those kind of things appeal for you, check out the
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  link in the comments and the description to schedule and
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  register for that webinar. And there's a very special bonus
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  of 10 downloads if you listen to the very end of that webinar as
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  well. So check that out.
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  For now though, find a quiet, comfortable place where you
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  won't be distracted or disturbed.
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  Relax and enjoy the session. Take a deep breath in, and as
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  you breathe in, breathe in a slow, long breath of pure
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  relaxation. And as you exhale, allow
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  yourself to release any feelings of stress, worry, any echoes of
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  uncertainty. Just allow it to leave your body
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  in that outward breath, breathing in that resourceful
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  feeling of calm and relaxation. And as you exhale, allow your
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  body to settle the calm, to relax, to connect.
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  And your nervous system has been working very hard lately.
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  It's been running that background alarm that has been
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  consuming energy. But right here, right now, there
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  is nothing that alarm needs to protect you from Here.
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  There is only your breath, your own presence and genuine safety.
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  And just notice things like the temperature of the room, the
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  surface beneath you, feel solid, supported, check and hold your
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  body weight without being asked. Your body can trust and support
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  now. The.
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  Deeper you breathe, the more relaxed you feel.
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  And the more relaxed you feel the deeper you breathe.
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  Each breath takes you deeper and deeper, relaxed, until you find
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  a place within a place of calmness, a place of stillness,
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  the centre of yourself that that alarm never actually reached.
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  The place. Within where changes can happen
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  and then ripple through your past and your future.
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  To give you less. Of what you don't need and more
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  of what you do. And you know that part within
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  you, that part that became extraordinarily skilled at
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  reading signals, sensing when someone's warmth was present and
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  when it was withdrawing, of interpreting intention, when
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  someone cared when they didn't, when they were interested, and
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  when they weren't. And this skill was not a flaw.
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  This was a form of adaptation to help you survive that younger
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  version of you learning that relationship with your father
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  where that consistent warmth was not readily available.
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  Think of that younger version of you and how.
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  They developed a. Finely tuned antenna for the
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  signals that predicted whether emotional safety was coming or
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  going. Subtle things like a shift in
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  tonality, a few days with no contact, a change in pattern, an
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  absence where presence was expected.
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  And that young version of you had that antenna that picks up
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  exactly the precision it was trained to do.
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  A great deal of maturity, the ability to discern, to protect,
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  to have boundaries. So when you think of that
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  younger version of you, you can hold that idea with compassion
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  and not criticism. This response was installed in a
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  childhood designed to protect you, a person who criticizes
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  herself for. Having a fear?
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  Response that was built before she could build it differently
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  is being unkind to someone that younger version of you who did
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  exactly what they needed to do. The alarm was protection alarm
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  arrived before you could protect yourself.
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  And now as an adult, you have resources that that younger
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  version of you didn't have, and therefore the alarm system, the
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  antenna can recalibrate. And I want you to welcome that
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  younger version of you. Perhaps think of a childhood
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  home. I want you to meet them at your
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  current age and see them. That child version of you, the
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  one who first learned silence from someone could mean danger.
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  Just allow that younger version of you to be present.
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  See the posture and the facial expressions, the quality of her
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  alertness. Because that part is still
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  within you, still influencing, still trying to keep you safe.
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  But give that younger version of you a hug.
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  Tell them they are loved, they are important, and tell them
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  they're not getting anything wrong.
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  In fact, compliment them on their empathy, their emotional
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  acuity, their ability to read the room, interpret expressions,
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  delays, tonality. Maybe that child within is tired
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  from needing to pay attention and watch all the time.
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  So tell this younger version of you that you see them and you
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  know why they've been doing this.
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  Thank the younger version of you for keeping you both safe the
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  only way you knew how. Tell them the situations that
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  genuinely happened with your father are not the same
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  situations as romantic relationships or even male
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  friendships. Tell this younger version of you
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  that you know they feel the same because the signals are similar.
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  The silence, the uncertainty, the inconsistencies.
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  But tell that younger version of you that you're an adult now and
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  that you have resources you didn't have.
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  Then tell that younger version of you that you can handle
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  uncertainty without it being dangerous.
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  That you can reach out and ask when you want to know something
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  and the response doesn't have to.
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  Be a particular. Way it can be what you didn't
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  hope for and still be fine, you can handle.
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  The truth. Not every relationship that
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  doesn't work out is abandonment or rejection.
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  Sometimes it's just a lack of compatibility and that's OK to
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  tell that younger part within you that she can rest now.
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  The watching, the alertness can slow down.
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  That child within has been too responsible to tell that younger
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  child that you are here now, you are paying attention and you can
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  handle whatever comes and just allow that younger part to
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  receive this. And maybe they seem to relax or
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  smile that the weight of that responsibility on that childlike
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  part within can finally be taken away from them.
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  The child who learned to watch for danger is safe now.
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  The adult you is here with resources, with voice, and with
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  the capacity and capability to handle what comes.
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  So the alertness and the watching and the avoidance can
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  ease. Uncertainty in early
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  relationships is not a signal of danger, just a natural.
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  Condition of two. People still finding out about
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  each other and your unconscious can install the capacity to be
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  comfortable in that not yet known, the same way you already
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  do with female friendships to the female friend.
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  If they message for a few days and then stop, he doesn't
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  trigger that same response. Therefore, your brain already
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  knows how to be fine, how to not need to overthink to replay.
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  What if the default is a relaxed assumption rather than an alarm?
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  No need to analyse, and that anxious mind doesn't need to
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  create certainty by running away or blocking.
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  I wonder if your internal resources can feel that it's OK
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  to not know, do not have certainty, do not need absolute
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  reassurance that you can trust yourself that you will make the
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  right decisions at the right time.
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  With your father, you naturally reached a conclusion over a
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  period of time when it was right to have that boundary.
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  You already know the winning formula not to jump to
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  conclusions, to accumulate sufficient experiences to know
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  when a relationship no longer serves your need.
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  It doesn't need to be an instant reaction.
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  It can be a thoughtful choice. And don't forget that you have a
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  voice, a direct warm. Adult voice and that you can use
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  it. You can send a message, a voice
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  note, you could call someone. I've noticed we haven't talked
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  in a while. I wanted to check in as an act
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  of self respect rather than a risk to be managed because the
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  fear was always of the response. That by you.
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  Creating certainty means you couldn't be rejected.
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  If you had. Already done the rejecting, but
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  at what cost? If uncertainty introduces a
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  boundary before you really know intentions, what if these walls
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  don't keep you safe but keep you separated?
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  I want you to feel that rejection is only possible if
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  you allow it, and that's based on interpretation.
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  If someone doesn't want to spend time with you, you can respect
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  it, accept it, and still not make it about you.
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  That whatever happens, you will be OK.
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  Your worth is not determined by someone else's evaluation of
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  you. This will allow your unconscious
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  to bring to mind a particular a particular dynamic that maybe
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  you reacted too quick. The silence that's been
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  triggering the alarm. Imagine something that did
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  trigger you in the past now being in your future and notice
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  how you meet it from this place of new perspective.
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  Silence arrives, something changes.
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  The antenna picks it up, but instead of the familiar cascade
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  of overthinking and withdrawal, something different is
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  available, a quality of settled curiosity.
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  I don't know what this means yet and not knowing is OK and if I
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  want to know I can simply ask. The voice is available if you
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  choose it. Warm, simple, direct and
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  whatever comes back. The foundation holds.
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  The self worth doesn't fluctuate because the adult is handling
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  it. You have so many resources that
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  you didn't have when you were a child.
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  The focus, the clarity, the creative thinking, the
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  knowledge, the understanding, all belong to you.
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  And that alarm can now be the equivalent of an e-mail that you
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  may or may not read, rather than a warning of danger.
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  The alarm was protecting a child who needed it, and the adult you
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  are has resources that child didn't have.
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  So allow the alarm to recalibrate to something subtle,
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  harmless, just information. Uncertainty is not danger, it's
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  simply not yet known. And you can sit with it without
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  your nervous system interpreting it as a threat because you have
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  a voice. If by not knowing, you ask
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  knowing that you can handle whatever comes back, that is
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  empowered. It's not empowered to run away
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  to keep you safe. It's empowered to know that
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  whatever happens, you can handle it.
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  Reaching out as an act of self respect regardless of the
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  response, because your worth is not contingent on anyone's
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  response. You are the same person,
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  capable, caring, valuable, whether the response or the
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  reply comes or not. It's time to leave this place of
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  stillness in your imagination. But before you go, give that
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  younger version of you a hug. Tell them that you'll take it
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  from here, using the resources you have now that you didn't
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  have back then. And notice that child within has
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  a gift for you, quality you had in abundance in your childhood
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  that you've lost contact or connection with.
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  Maybe it's something you used to believe, a skill, a capability,
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  a quality. And see that younger version of
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  you. Pass that glowing ball of
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  energy, take it, place it to your chest, absorb it in, and
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  feel you've rekindled a wonderful quality that you had
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  in abundance before and just needed reminding that it's still
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  is accessible to you. Say goodbye to that younger
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  version of you as you float and drift back to the present.
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  Take a deep breath in through your nose and down through your
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  nose. Wiggle your fingers and wiggle
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  your toes. Connect and calibrate into the
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  here and the now as I now count from 1:00 to 10:00 to awaken
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  you. Starting to count 123 waking up
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  456. More alert. 7-8.
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  Open your eyes. Open your eyes 910 Wide awake,
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  Wide awake. Wide awake.
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  Thank you. So much for joining me on
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  today's episode of the. Hypnotist if you've.
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  Enjoyed this episode or got some value from it?
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  episode where it's just the hypnosis.
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  So no intro, no outro, no explanation, just the hypnosis
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  Thank you again for being a regular listener of the.
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  Hypnotist and I'll see. You again soon.
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  For more.