Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / Jeff Dye Funniest Moments | Stand-Up Comedy Compilation 🤣😁

Transcript

Jeff Dye Funniest Moments | Stand-Up Comedy Compilation 🤣😁 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Now here's how dating apps work.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't know, here's how dating apps work.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: You make a profile, everyone else makes a profile, and if you're both interested, the app will match you.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then the women will just never talk to you at all.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's how that works.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: The way we collected baseball cards as young men is the way grown women are collecting matches on dating apps.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: They don't want to talk to you.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: They don't want to date you.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: They just want to go, look at all these guys I could have.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's trash.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: If the women do talk to you, they're very mean to you about your opening line.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why it's so important to them.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's just an opening line.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: But like, like literally, like I'll get like a match, and then I'll write, like, hey, I saw you had a dog on your profile.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm obsessed with dogs.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: What's your dog's name?
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: And they're like, real original, block.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what the fuck?
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Thought that was pretty good, you know.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, all right, well, maybe I tried too hard.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I should play it cool, you know.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll get like another match.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'll just write like sub.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: And she's like, ooh, that must have took a lot of effort.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Block, my goddamn it.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Feels like the world's gone crazy for sure.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like even my friends, my friends on the left, fucking banana pancakes.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Seriously, they're crazy.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: They're crazy people.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: My friends on the right, pretty crazy too.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's true.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: One side's running around going, oh yeah, what is gender?
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: My friends on the right, they're just all in a different level of weird shit.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know, buddy Josh is like, Taylor Swift is a robot made by the Feds, sent by the Biden administration.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what the fuck's happening?
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Has everyone gone insane?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's very, very confusing.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a 2001 liberal, which is now just a Republican.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: You know.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: She was cool, but she would have these moments where she would get so mad at me for being immature.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like I remember we were watching this movie, and out of nowhere, she just paused the movie, and like she turned to me all cute, and she's like, What's your biggest fear?
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh, werewolves.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like that's put the movie back on.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: And she's like, no, no, like, what's your biggest fear like in life?
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Yeah, like werewolves.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like, she's like, no, like, think.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I'm thinking.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: Gosh, like, I know they ain't real, but that would be scary, you know.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: They got those teeth, you know, and they're furry, and then also the claws, and then they walk upright.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how are you gonna defend that?
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: She's she's like, oh my god, are you messing with me?
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, No.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why you're being cocky about this.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's not like if a werewolf broke in, you'd be like, that's not scary.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: Back to the movie.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: You'd be hiding behind me and shit.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd be like, how do I defend it?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: And then she snapped, man.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: She started crying, which is unfair, girls.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's bullshit.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: You start crying, that makes you feel bad, even though they're wrong.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's not fair.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: She'll start some shit and then she cries, and now I'm like, I'm so sorry.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't do shit.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm apologizing because that's not a fair tactic.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: But she snap, man.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: She starts crying.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, you know what a fucking fear is?
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know what a fucking fear is, Jeff?
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Do?
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Something you're fearful of.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: My biggest fear is that I'm not spending enough time with my grandma, and she's getting older every day, and she's gonna be gone soon, and I'm down in LA doing all this fun stuff with you when I could be spending time with grandgram.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's a fucking fear, Jeff.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's a fucking fear.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: Not as scared as a werewolf.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what's so cool about being mature, anyways.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: You want to be with some dude who's just boring and shit.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Cool.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Good morning, honey.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm fun, man.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Wake you up with water balloons and shit, you know?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm here for the good times.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: I know I'm immature because my neighbor the other day, I have a nice place.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: I like a nice place, but all the old rich dudes in my neighborhood don't understand how I can afford to live where they live, because they ain't never heard of me.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm checking my mail, and out of nowhere, my neighbor's like, so uh Jeff, right?
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Jeff?
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: What are uh what are your financial goals?
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: He didn't do the last part.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's just what I saw in my head when he talked.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I know I'm immature because I didn't know what to say.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: No one's ever asked me that in my life.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't, I was I grew up poor.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's just a coincidence that this pays good, you know?
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know what to say.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I was like, my financial goals?
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I hope to have enough money to turn it into coins so I can swim in it like Scrooge McDuck.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's the richest dude I know.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's fucking he didn't know how to handle it.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, uh, okay, bye-bye.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Rock bottom in uh in Hollywood, California is a terrible rock bottom town.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: That is not where you want to hit rock bottom.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: There are plenty of good rock bottom.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Cleveland, great rock bottom town.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Florida, full of towns that are good rock bottom towns.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: A guy could get 12 DUIs in Florida and everybody be like, ah, Randy.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: You'll avoid any red flag if they're hot enough.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, I know she set her last husband's house on fire, but look at those titties.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's true.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Women do it too, because women think we're the only pigs, but women do it in different ways.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: Women will do it in weirder ways.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like it might not even be physical, it could be some other thing.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: They'll be like, sure, he punches me, but he plays for the Ravens.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: How else am I gonna get a G-Wagon?
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you gotta wear one for this lifestyle.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gay if you're curious.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: I always like to let the crowd know because I'm aware of what I look like.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: I saw the poster, I get it.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't the straightest looking human you've ever seen.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: Every town I go to, there's like a lot of tough guys.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: I know they're not looking at me like I bet he could bag a moose.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: I get it.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: This is my fucking look.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: I think I'd make a great gay guy, though.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm very friendly.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I smile a lot, I love parades.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: I just don't like dudes, and I guess that's the most important part.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Just frustrating.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because I want in.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's true, man.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's way better being a gay dude than a straight dude.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: Straight dudes are always grumpy.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: There's straight dudes here tonight, just all cross-armed, like I didn't want to come to this shit, just mad.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: I've never seen a grumpy gay dude in my life.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: They're always skipping around and shit, they're always happy, they're always partying, always dancing, they say funny stuff, they got hot chicks around them, they've got tons of money, fashionable.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, let me in, you know.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be the crazy gay guy that dates chicks, you know?
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: Come on.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: Be way better.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Plus, uh, another reason I wish I was gay is because whenever I say something mean, people get mad at me.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: You know, they'd be like, oh, I didn't appreciate that.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: But a gay guy could say the most horrific thing you've ever heard, and everyone's like, ooh, he's sassy.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's not fair, man.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: I just gay dude the other day.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: He made fun of my fucking outfit.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: He's just talking shit like nice outfit, what are you wearing?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, fucking motherfuckers.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know what to do.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because, like, if a dude gets, you know, starts popping off, you get to punch him.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: If a woman does it, don't punch him.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Gay guy, I don't know what to do.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: What's the rules, you know?
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to be the Chris Brown of the gay community, you know what I'm saying?
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's the last thing I need.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people are surprised when they find out that I ain't gay.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Mostly my dad and my grandfather.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: This guy the other night said right to my face, he goes, You're not gay.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, No, I ain't gay.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, Why'd you let me buy you four drinks?
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, Don't make this weird.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's how I am, man.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm optimistic, positive.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: There ain't no hate in my heart, you know?
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: Some guys walk around all ticked off, like, ooh, these gay guys are different than me.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: Not me.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: I say, use it to your advantage, fellas.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Go in there, get to know them, chat them up, flirt a little, get the free shit, and leave.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to have sex with them.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: Women have been doing it for centuries.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's it's smart.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: We can learn from these birds, you know.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what I'm talking about.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: I will say that though, man.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like kind of mad at gay people a little bit.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because they had it made for a while, you know, because that like it was against the law to get married.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like, fuck, how cool is that?
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because at my age, any girl that dates me, she's always like, oh, where's this going?
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: Are you even serious?
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Are we gonna settle down?
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Am I here forever, right?
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: If I was a gay person, I could just be like, listen, honey, marriage is against the law.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not a criminal, you know.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: Boyfriend's the best I can do right now.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I try to remind everyone, no matter who I'm talking about, including trans people, I love you.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: I love you.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'll fight for your rights as an American.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want anyone to treat you different.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want anyone to be mean to you.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: I got your back.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'll fuck someone up if they're trying to be mean to you.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: I just think you're fucking weird.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's okay.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's an okay way to think.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because also I bet if I said to the trans person, hey, trans person, uh, I know I just called you weird, but I actually am a man who thinks God came to earth 2,000 years ago and then they killed him, and then uh then he rose again three days later, and I still talk to that guy every day.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: I bet the trans person would be like, the fuck?
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, yeah, it seems pretty weird, right?
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they go, it is weird.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: I go, yeah, see, that's all this is.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not walking around huffing and puffing like what a Christian phob, you know.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: Fucking, you want me dead.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's just you you think it's fucking weird.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: That's okay.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's all it's uh, we're all pretty weird.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's like it's it's okay to say out loud as long as we're being nice to each other.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I saw a woman on the dating app, very beautiful, she looked interesting, she seemed nice, and then in her bio it said, just here for friends.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: What?
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's a dating app.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's for people that want to date, it's not a friendship app.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: You try to talk to her, she's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm just here for friendship.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: And you're like, what?
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: What are you lost?
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: What does she go to Home Depot and they're like, can we help you find something?
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm just here for sushi.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, what?
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's not the sushi depot.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not on LinkedIn, like, no resumes, just here to fuck, right?
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, this is LinkedIn.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: Who wants to see a picture of this dick?
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's like about to LinkedIn to that puss.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: Who's with me?
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's ridiculous.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: I um I want kids.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's one thing that's true about me.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: I've been trying to have kids.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's the only reason I try to make it work with these ladies, is because I want kids.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's a big that's a big part.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: You said that real weird.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, phone trying.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Easy.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Easy, ma'am.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Calm your ovaries.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: Put some fire on those ovaries, baby.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: No, but that's a big part of the recipe.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you need a lady to have a kid.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: Sucks.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because when I wanted a dog, I just went and got a dog.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't hard at all.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: I just walked in this building.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, You want this dog?
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, They're like, You gonna kill it?
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, mm-mm.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: And now we have a dog.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: I wish little kids were like that.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: Some five-year-old running around my house, like, ah, all my friends like, we didn't even know you were dating him.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm not, he's a rescue.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he's the greatest.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: He hates the camel, but he's a sweetheart.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I can tell you the exact moment I realized I wanted children.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: I fly all the time, right?
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: And as a comedian or an actor, when you fly like a lot, you learn to hate certain scenarios of travel.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'll talk to anyone forever, right?
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what's your name, brother?
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_01: Wyatt.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: Wyatt.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if I'm talking to Wyatt in life, and when Wyatt starts to get annoyed with me, he'll just be like, all right, Jeff, it's nice to meet you, and then he leaves.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: And vice versa.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: I can do the same thing with Wyatt.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, nice to meet you, and leave.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: But on a plane, you're stuck with them.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: They're sitting right by you.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: You can't go, oh, nice meeting.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: You go hide in that tiny bathroom.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's not how it works.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: So, what it is is you learn ways to avoid that conversation before it starts.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: So you'll put like big headphones on, or uh you'll like pretend to read something, you know, just something that lets them know like you don't want to be bothered.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: And another thing that happens when you fly a lot is whenever you have an empty seat next to you, no matter who you are as a man, you hope it's a beautiful woman.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not pervy, it's not like rude or trying to cheat or anything.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's just better to sit next to a lady.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: Ladies smell better, they're generally smaller.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's great, it's great.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: It never is a woman, by the way.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's always a guy with like a snaggle tooth or a hump or something, you know.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: You see him, you're like, oh that's my fucking guy right there.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure, man.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: And he pulls up, like, uh, I think this is me.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, yeah, I know.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's awful.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: But I was on a plane, and I've had thousands of flights, right?
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: And this has never happened before or since.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: This is the only time it's ever happened on a plane.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm on the plane, got my headphones, can't even read, I'm like holding the paper, you know.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm hoping for a beautiful lady, and the flight attendant brings a little boy.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: She plops like a five-year-old little boy in the seat, and she buckles him in and she goes, Alright, well, when the plane lands, a lady dressed like me is gonna take you to your family, but till then just sit tight.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: And then she left.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: She left me with a child.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know anything about childs, right?
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm scared, frightened, so I'm just like kind of nervous.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I like I look over at him, like just kind of peek at him, and he's really nervous.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: He's like visually rattled.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: He's gripping the sides of the seat, he's looking straight down, and I feel sad, you know.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: I like wanted to let him know like there ain't nothing to be afraid of.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: But I realize he's probably got more to be afraid of than me, right?
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: He's he's traveling alone, he's probably never been on a plane before, he's not with his family, uh, he's sitting next to a guy who smells like whiskey, you know.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I try to let him know that he's he's okay, that it's gonna be fine.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I take my headphones off and I try to start a conversation with him.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, how's it going, buddy?
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, I was like, you're flying all by yourself, huh?
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, I was like, you're like a real adult.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: I thought he was gonna say stuff back, right?
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: But he didn't say nothing.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: I tried three things, nothing made him talk.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I was like, alright, well, I've always made friends in my entire life by being silly or playful.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: I was always the class clown.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: Even now as an adult, I make friends by making people laugh.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I tried to make him laugh.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: But I didn't know little kids don't understand jokes.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I was like, so what do you do for a living?
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: Are you a doctor?
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, no.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, well, it's a joke.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: Stupid.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: So now my feelings are hurt.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I put my headphones back on.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, forget this kid.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: Screw it up, man.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: He's the one being a baby.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm kind of sitting there for about 30 seconds before I feel this tiny tug of my shirt.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I look down, and now he's trying to strike up a conversation with me.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, yeah?
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: And he goes, Um, did you like the movie A Bug's Life?
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I fucking loved a Bug's Life.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: And we had the best conversation I've ever had in my life.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: It was incredible.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: We talked about how many times we saw it, who we saw it with, who our favorite characters are.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: We're laughing, we're doing impressions back and forth.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: He can do this amazing impression of the caterpillar because he's got like a tiny voice box.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: We're laughing.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: And the whole reason I tell this story is because at about minute 15 of hitting it off with this kid, I started to panic in my brain.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like, is this where I'm at, maturity-wise?
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: I've had a million conversations on planes with adults.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: Never once enjoyed it as much as my first conversation with a baby.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: So I start to root for the conversation to end, just to prove to myself that I'm a grown-up, you know?
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: And after about 20 minutes, it starts to ramp down.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, alright, good.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm an adult, he's a kid, we're good, you know?
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I put my headphones back on, but the second I put my headphones back on, I feel another tug on my shirt.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, yeah?
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: And he goes, Oh, I'm Jeff, uh, do you like quesadillas?
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, Man, I love quesadillas.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: I was right back in it.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: I had no idea little kids were so dope.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: I had no idea.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if little kids could drink, I would hang out with them exclusively.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's insane.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: The kid got off the plane, I felt like I lost a friend.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: That's ridiculous.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: Should we exchange information or something?
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, I don't have information.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh my God.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: How dope is that?
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: Doesn't even have a fucking wallet.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: He's just walking around.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's awesome.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: I have a theory that God only lets us live 80 to 100 because that's the most you can do.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: You if even if you could make it past 100, you the world would have changed so much that you'd be like, what the fuck is blowing down?
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because time is too much.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: 80 to 100 is the most before your brain breaks.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'll give you an example.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: My grandpa the most my grandpa could do was 1991.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: My grandpa was a good man, he was a war hero.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: And when I say he was a good man, I mean he was a good man.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: My grandpa Every time he's an interracial couple.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: Just a nice couple holding hands and my grandpa's like, You believe it?
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, Look at him! He's like, You say that?
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we're first grade grandpa.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have a lot of opinions on the subject.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, look at him.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I get having sex with him.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, what?
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: He goes, Vietnam, you had to have sex with some of them.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't marry him.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's when God was like, Okay, that's uh ramp on Harold.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: That was like the most he could do.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: God was like, all right, he's making some people nervous at the steakhouse.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like, grandpa, grandpa.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Had to go.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: He couldn't.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's the most he could do.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: Can you imagine if my grandpa lived now?
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he couldn't do now.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: He's a good man for that time, but now, that guy that I just described, my grandpa'd be walking around going, they're cutting their dicks off.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what the grandpa'd be like the oldest mall shooter, like, ah I didn't go to war for this shit.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: No, he had to die in 1991.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: And it sounds crazy laughing at my old grandpa the way he thought about things, but that's how it's that's how life is.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's us.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna someday hit your breaking point.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's how time works.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's my most uh the thing I hate most about young people is the way they look backwards.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what they're teaching at colleges nowadays, but I think they're teaching them like the world's only been good for six years, and everything before it was sexist and racist.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: Things just were, and things now just are, and things later will be.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: That's how that's how that's how it works.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: You can't look backwards and then judge them, and that's what young people do.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's how they look at history.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: They'll look backwards and be like, if I was alive back then, I'd be like, Can I have a word with you, Mr.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: Hitler?
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like, shut the fuck up.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: But you wouldn't.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: And you're stupid if you think you would.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: You would just be the way the people of your time were, the same way you are now.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, literally, if I was on this exact stage 20 years ago, and I was like, men can have their periods, you would all leave and be like, I think they let a retarded guy perform tonight.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_00: What the fuck was he talking about up there?
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: But no, people still walk around.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: I have always thought like this, and I knew Gary was a woman from the moment like, shut up.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: No, you didn't.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: These are new things.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: You've it's very flustering.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: But I think that's you know, that's how time works.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: Time, there's things are always changing.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes things change that weren't even bad.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: They just they just change because time there was no reason to even change it.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: But if you don't change with it, you're a piece of shit.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't even bad, but you used it, and they're like, you that's what I'll give an example.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like uh my grandma, she used to work with the special needs kids.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: She did it her whole life, and that's why uh my family kind of took on the tradition.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's uh it's a family thing.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: But my grandma worked at special needs for you know 60 years, and she called them mongoloids.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: She did.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: She'd literally be on the phone, she'd be like, all right, we're going down to the church to pick up some of the mongoloids.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then my mom would yell at her mom, like, mom! They're called retarded, mom! Right?
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: That was my mom being woke in 1972.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: That was called retards, get with the time, mom! Right?
• 24:58
  unknown: Right?
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: That's what a liberal, outspoken woman sounded like in 1972.
• 25:03
  unknown: Right?
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: And now my mom is old and she's a good lady, but she's she's old and times change, you know.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: She'll slip, you know, she'll be on the phone, she'll be like, we're going to the March of Times with some of the retarded boys, you know.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: And then me and my sisters are like, Ma! That's how it's always someday.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be old.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna be out like I work with the special needs, and then a girl with a green mohawk's gonna pop out of a bush.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, asshole! And I'm like, I'm old.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, they're not called that.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: They're called ice cream enthusiasts, or whatever the fuck is whatever it'll be.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever it'll be, I don't know, whatever it'll be.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: They're called terrific huggers, or I don't know.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: What is it?
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: Who knows?
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: I was gonna tell you guys uh the biggest difference I notice about Republicans and Democrats is Democrats make better coffee.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you guys like coffee, but that's that's the truth.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_00: Democrats, good coffee.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm from Seattle, Washington.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_00: I don't like uh a black coffee or an American.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_00: I like a like a fancy little with a stupid little cup.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I like.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: I like a dopio ristretto shot pulled neatly into a ceramic cup.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's called the Cafe Nico.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's got like a little rind of orange, some cinnamon, some orange-flavored syrup, a little dollop of almond milk.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: You can't order that from a Republican, you know?
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: When I go to Knoxville, Tennessee, I can't just walk in and be like, all right, boys, I would like a dopio rostretto shot pulled neatly in a ceramic cup with a little rind.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, You trying to suck my dick, boy?
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what?
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: What are you talking about?
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, get out of here, Gary.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: This guy's trying to suck our dicks.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, no, no.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: Stay back there.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's a real drink.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: What are you talking about?
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, we got black coffee, and I can leave a little room for your pussy if you want to put some milk in it.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: Right, that's that's you can't.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_00: You can that's how that's and I'm I love that.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: I that's me.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: I love a cowboy, but that's you can't order what I like from him.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_00: If you want the type of coffee I like, you have to go to one of these little granola peddling little hipster fucking shops where all the guys have fucking neck tattoos and all the women are dressed like Cam Newton for no reason.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_00: And they treat you like shit.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's how you know the coffee's good when they treat you like shit.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: They're just mean to you for no reason.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_00: They just start it shitty.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: You've done nothing wrong.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: There could be no one in the coffee shop.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna take an hour.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: This guy had to get through all the flags just to get to the guy.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_00: And the guy's like, you know, he looks like an idiot.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: He's he's he's got no bones because he's never eaten meat, so he's just wiping shit down.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_00: The rag is very heavy for him.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: He's like by the time he notices, he's like, hey.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's the guy.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_00: That guy makes the best coffee you'll ever taste in your life.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: You've got to go through the little song and dance, you know.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: Are you guys hearing for the Palestine Martin?
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, no, we're not.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_00: Can I just get the cafe Nico?
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_00: You know.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: Please, just one, please promise not to talk to you if you do something.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's your next shit.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it's always in a town like Portland or yeah, one of these fucking towns.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_00: You know.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_00: I pray for those towns every day.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you guys are people of prayer, but I pray for them.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_00: I keep them in the thoughts.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, God, please keep please keep Portland safe.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: Please keep Austin safe, Lord.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because they're any day now.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's true.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_00: People forget.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: Even the people in those towns, they forget.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because Seattle is a little blue dot surrounded by red.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: Portland, little blue dot surrounded by red.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: Austin, little blue dot.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of red.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of red.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_00: And these towns are so beautiful, they're very artistic.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_00: They're my favorite for that reason.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_00: They're these nice people who love art, and they're they're I like that.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_00: I like it.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_00: But they they get cocky.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_00: And in their cute little safe blue circle, they start talking shit like these fucking stupid hick racists.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, shut the fuck up, dude.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: They're right there.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: They can hear you, and they're armed.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody's factoring that.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: You can't walk around popping off, like, racist morons.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, shut the fuck, they're gonna.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: One day they're gonna go, let's get Austin, you know?
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that's gonna take, I don't know, four minutes.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like, can you imagine that war?
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_00: Just all of Texas, like and then the the front lines of Austin are just these guys with stupid mustaches and the bikes with the big front wheels, like, welcome to Austin, boys.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: They're going, hit them with the poetry! Like, no, not the fucking, there's no poetry.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: Jesus Christ.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_00: Get him with the hacky sacks.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, oh, fucking dead.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's just all there's no more art, you know.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_00: There's no good coffee or art.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_00: Most famous celebrity just pours concrete.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's the fucking music or comedy anymore.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_00: Just a bunch of guys with guns.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I am 100 days sober.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_00: How about that?
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_00: Uh not too much, it's court ordered.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_00: Uh daddy crashed some cars.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: Uh God, it's hard to be sober.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you guys have ever tried it.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: It is very difficult.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_00: Just raw dogging life, you know?
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_00: Just all day going, oh, I wasn't dealing with that, was I?
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_00: Everything that was uh everything that's just normal, I give myself credit for now.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like now that I'm sober, I'm like, look who's up before 3 p.m.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_00: My friends are having a difficult time with my sobriety, because my friends, they're animals, you know.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_00: They'd be like, we getting ripped tonight?
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, dude, I've told you like a hundred times I'm sober.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, what?
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm sober now.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, you're still doing that?
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I have a disease.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm hopefully gonna be doing this forever.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_00: And they're like, come on, man, don't be gay.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, what's not what gay guys are up to.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_00: I hit rock bottom in Hollywood, California.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you guys uh heard about it.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_00: Rock bottom in uh in Hollywood, California is a terrible rock bottom town.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_00: That is not where you want to hit rock bottom.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_00: There are plenty of good rock bottom.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: Cleveland, great rock bottom town.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_00: Florida, full of towns that are good rock bottom towns.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_00: A guy could get 12 DUIs in Florida and everybody'd be like, ah, Randy.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_00: I hit rock bottom in Hollywood, California.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_00: That is a bad place for rock bottom because everyone is mean to you there.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_00: In Hollywood, everyone, my entire career, everybody in Hollywood's been like, you're not even famous.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_00: I've never heard of you, you're not famous, you're not even famous, you're not famous, I've never heard of you, you're not famous, you're not even famous.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_00: And then I have one bad day, and it's like famous comedian crashes car, fights cop.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, God damn it.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_00: Thought I wasn't famous.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_00: What the fuck's happening?
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_00: I was like in People magazine.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I've never even been in this before.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_00: How did this happen?
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_00: I think it took me so long to get clean because I was a fun drunk.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody wants to help a fun drunk.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_00: We want to help sad drunks.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: We get real philanthropic if it's a sad drunk.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: You could drink with a sad drunk for five minutes if you want to help this guy.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, uh, I should probably text her.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, no.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's been two years since the miscarriage.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, Jesus Christ, huh?
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_00: This guy needs a meeting.
• 33:57
  unknown: Right?
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_00: But no, I was fun, high functioning.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know, my friends love drunk Jeff.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, oh, drunk Jeff's a bastard.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_00: He poured whiskey in our mouth, dude.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_00: He brought a gun in the kitchen.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_00: I was just crying for help, like, somebody.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_00: I was such a I was such a fun drunk.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm actually afraid my friends are gonna give me an intervention to start drinking again.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_00: Every day I'm afraid I'm gonna come home.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_00: They'd be like, come on in.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, what the hell is this?
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, your sobriety has affected us in the following ways.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_00: You're not giving us drugs anymore.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_00: We're having to pay for all of our own shit.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_00: Soberjeff's pretty fun too, though, you know.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_00: I actually remember what happened.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's pretty cool, you know.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_00: Remember when LGBTQ2 plus was just G?
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_00: That was so much easier to remember.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_00: You just go, we always, everyone was talking about, hey, you know, you got any friends that are G's?
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, yeah, friends with some G's.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you know Chris's son.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_00: Chris's son is a G.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, oh fucking, yeah, just like a G.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone was talking about it.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's LGBQ2 plus.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's a lot.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_00: And the plus means more's coming.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's gonna get longer.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's what that means.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's a growing community.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_00: I like to ask questions about it though.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_00: People don't like it when I do that.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know, nobody wants you to talk about it.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_00: Just you're supposed to go along with everything.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_00: Just go along.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_00: I was that guy forever.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_00: Just a go-along guy.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_00: You know, people say a political thing, I go, all right, I'm I'm go along guy.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_00: I was with my buddy Brendan Chab watching this like fight.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, Oh, you know that they're gonna let a trans chick fight a biological female.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm I'm go along guy.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going, hey, I don't, you know, hey.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know, hey, why why do you care, man?
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_00: She wants to fight, she can fight, whatever she believes she is beautiful.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's that's nice.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_00: Right, that's good, that's nice.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm go along guy, that's good.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_00: Trying to be nice, want to be everybody's friend, want everyone to get along and say let her, you know.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: And then you the fight came on, and they were like, in this corner, Tamika.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, hi, I'm a regular lady.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_00: Uh happy to be here, happy to be here.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_00: And they're going, in this corner, felon fox! She's like, Oh God.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, You think they're gonna fight?
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_00: And Brandon's like, that's what we were telling you earlier.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Oh, I think I have some opinions, actually.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_00: I suddenly formed a few opinions.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm no longer go-along guy.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_00: They shouldn't do this.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_00: And the fucking fight went exactly how you'd think it went.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_00: It was about 12 seconds of Fallon Fox going.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_00: Tamika's skull is breaking into literally breaks her skull.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_00: And then this Fallon's over, going, blicking the blood off of her gloves.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_00: She's grabbing the mic, you like that?
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_00: We're like, we don't, we don't like it.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_00: We don't like it at all.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_00: That is totally shit.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_00: I was like stressed.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, God damn it, give me a drink, bring me a whiskey.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_00: Didn't want to have a political opinion about it.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_00: You watch that, you go, I'm fine, I'm forming some opinions.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_00: They cut uh Tamika in the hospital later in the fights, you know.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, I just want to say I still think Fallon is a woman.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it was a I'm happy to I'm happy uh that I took the fight still.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm gonna be okay.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_00: The doctors say I might walk again someday.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_00: Fucking skulls it.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, I'd like to take this opportunity to publicly apologize.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_00: I shouldn't have been yelling, get this fucking guy off of me.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_00: I was scared.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_00: I want to apologize for my words.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_00: Fucking crazy.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, that was the day I go.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_00: I got an opinion about this one.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_00: Let's keep them in a different group.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_00: Save these ladies.