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Crowd Work Pack_ Mic Drop Comedy Club Plano_ TX PT 1 · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Wait a goddamn minute. You say you was 24.
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: They've been together 25 and that's not your blood, daddy.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Mama. Mama, we need to talk about our life.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: You've been sitting like I ain't like you, Simon Cowell.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: You can't see him. The whole show, he's been like....
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: You understand me, right? Okay, you just unimpressed with live comedy? Yeah,
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: are you having fun? The way you have fun is
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: not indicative of joy. You know what I'm saying? He's like, yeah,
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying? I'm happier than a mother
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: right now. This is the happiest I've been in six years, actually.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: Today I won the lottery and got some, yeah. Had
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: some chicken wings, they were immaculate. It's a wonderful moment.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Relax, man. What's your name? Who are you? Wesley? Rusty? Rusty. Oh,
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: maybe that's why you act like that. He does a
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: little rusty. He needs some oil. Rusty. Rusty. Rusty. I
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: still didn't understand him. You spoke up and saved it. Rusty.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: So y'all married. You got a beautiful ring on. You
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: got a ring on. How long y'all, how long you
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: been dealing with this from Rusty? Cause you, you, you,
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: you are, you are, you're a pretty lady. You got,
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: you got all your leopard print on you. Like you're
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: expressing yourself. Is that a snowman with a leopard hat on?
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: That ain't even out really like that.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: Like, you got a cricket. You made that goddamn shirt
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: in your garage. You're a beautiful, happy lady. And then Rusty.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: Rusty like, whatever. She made two shirts. He didn't wear his. Rusty.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: How long y'all been married? 19 years. He been like
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: this the whole time?
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: Rusty, has she just sucked all your joy out and
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: that's why she's devil happy?
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: He laughed at that.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: That's actually what happened. This is a Highlander. I used
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: to be happy. My name was Shiny. Now it's Rusty.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: 19 years. Y'all clap it up for 19 years. That's beautiful.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: That's beautiful.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: That's beautiful. Good job, Rusty. So how did y'all meet?
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: What's y'all origin story?
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Online? How many years ago? Hold on. He's been on
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: AOL Messenger. You've got mail. Wow.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: So you've been married 19 years, but you was together
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: longer than that, right?
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: How long together? 20 years.
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: So one more year before getting serious. OK, Rusty knew
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: what he wanted. He was in that chat room like,
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: I think I found my way.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: I love you. That's how he close a laptop and
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: go to bed. Right. It wasn't no laptop. You're right.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: You're right. That fucker had to plug his internet in
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: to take the phone out.
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: Your mama like.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: Take that internet off. I was on my prayer call.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: I'm getting on the internet. Turn that shit off. We
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: were in the Hebrews. Making that sound almost passed out.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to push everything I had out to
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: make that sound for y'all. I sat down and had
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: to get my shit together. Can you turn the mic
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: up some more? Yeah, well, I lost a little bit
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: of my voice doing that. So you met on the
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: internet in a chat room 20 years ago.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: Correct? Oh, Match.com, brand new. So y'all was the first.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: Couple on that. They didn't even have a commercial yet.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: Somebody literally just went on camera and lit a match.
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: Get somebody, find your person, before the love blow out. Wow,
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: so you first, 20 years ago, Match.com, and fell in love?
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: Right away, or you took a little bit, had to
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: meet in person, Rusty had to put that thing on you?
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: What happened, Rusty? Tell me how you fell in love. Hello? Hello?
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: You were the aggressor? I know. You didn't notice I
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: picked up on that right away? With your little leopard print.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: I know you was the aggressor. Rusty's like, man, I
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: just want to do my welding job. I ain't bothering
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: no goddamn body.
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: All I want is a cold beer and use my
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: internet without my mom making.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: Me turn it off. She's like, send me a photo
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: of your.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: 20 years ago, we didn't call it a dick pic.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: He had to stand there for six minutes.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: I'm going to have.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: That old camera. Hold. Hold. All that. I hope you
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: like it. Wow. Match.com. First couple. You happy, Rusty? You happy?
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: That's the key, man. Happiness. And you happy, too? Who
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: loves who more? Couples know. It's probably you. You love
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: her more than she loves you. He said, I have to.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: I have to. That's romantic. It is. I have to.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: Not I have to. I have to. I ain't got
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: no choice. Look at her. I got no choice but
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: to just love her as much as I can love her.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: She keeps my heart from rusting over. I love her
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: so much. So do you still work, Rusty? What was
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: your occupation? Contractor. So when I called you a welder,
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: I was pretty goddamn close. Okay. You still doing it? Outstanding.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: Commercial or residential? Both. I need you to reach in
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: your pocket. Oh, Rusty.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: I need you to find me a hundred dollars right now.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: Rusty got the money. Man, both is crazy. Most people
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: got to choose a path. Rusty said, you need it done,
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: I'll do it.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: Let's go. All right, well, let's move on and talk
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: to some more people. I'd like to speak to the Africans.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: How y'all doing?
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: Huh?
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: I am chilling. Yes, you are. Are you African? You sure?
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: Stand up and show your face to everybody. Turn around.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: That's African. I don't give a * * * *
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: what nobody say. That's a goddamn African. Let me see
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: your baby picture.
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: No, because when I was young, they had you on
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: my TV the other night for 25 cents a day. Rushley,
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: don't repeat that at the job site.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: There was Africans down there. Nate Jackson raised them.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: Nate Jackson raised an African and he came out.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: So what was your name, man? Let's get acquainted. Miko? N-I-K-O. N-I-C-O. Okay.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: And that's short for something? Just Miko. I understand it. Miko,
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: that's not African? Okay. It's not Obabanico? And then you
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: took the Obaba off?
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: Okay. I mean, we are African, but I mean like
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: recently for you.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying? Like you flew here. We
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: got brought. Yeah, somebody looked like Rusty. He was like,
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: get your ass in the back. I'm sorry, Rusty. That
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: made you laugh?
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: Rusty, you.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: I will.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: You son of a....
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: That.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: You're like....
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: He's pretty good he's pretty good I.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: Like him nice to meet you Nico Let's come on.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: I got to diversify. We got some middle, some of
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: this side. Let's come over here somewhere and see what's
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: going on.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: You by yourself, sweetheart? Okay. You want to interact? I'll
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: make sure. Okay. How are you? You good? Okay. Where
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: your man at, baby? You don't have a man?
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: You're bullshit.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: Pretty white lady like yourself how come where he at
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: you don't.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: You don't step out enough to meet nobody what's your
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: name Chelsea it's nice to meet you and so what
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: do you do you look like you got a little
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: money you got the leopard pants on that's a thing
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: white women like the leopard out here see what you're
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: doing okay you got a cricket you made those pants
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: okay she made her shirt and earrings you saw that
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: yeah and so what do you what do you what
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: do you do and so tell me what you do
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: for money You're a dental assistant, but right now you're
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: a ranch hand? So are these human teeth? You telling
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: me you work on human teeth and then handle like
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: cow nuts after that?
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: Please tell me you're washing your goddamn hands between both
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: of y'all. What do you do? What does your hand
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: do on the ranch? Your dad runs an exotic wildlife ranch?
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: He got leopards? You can have a real one at
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: the house. Rusty come in like, babe, I don't want
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: to talk.
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: I had a bad.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: What the f * * * is that? It's a puma.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: So your daddy got a zoo? So it's an exotic animal... park, farm,
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: and the exotic animals are deer. Ma'am, I don't know
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: if that's very exotic.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: You can just see those when you drive at night.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: They just be eating.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: Does he have a more exotic animal? Does he have
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: anything that eats deer regularly? You ain't got no tigers, lions, bears,
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: oh my. Longhorns.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: Longhorns?
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: Okay, so just a cow with a big horn. Okay,
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: so you got a deer zoo. Y'all struggling out there? Like,
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: I don't understand the draw.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: You know. Come see the deer. What is the fuck?
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: A baby was born. Oh, they come hunt at y'all.
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: Oh, so you got a preserve where we can hunt
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: and we can shoot our guns and don't have to
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: deal with no police.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: Okay. So are the deer trained? Man, let me tell
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: you something, man.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: When I was, I must have been 13, and my dad.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: Was like, we're about to go hunt.
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: Y'all don't know this, but I'm from Seattle area, but
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: my dad from Benita, Louisiana, my mom from Mobile, Alabama.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: That's why sometimes I sound countryish. But he took me
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: to eastern.
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: Washington, and we went to this pheasant preserve to shoot
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: the pheasants. And we took our dogs out there. Our
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: dogs didn't know what the f * * * to do.
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: I'm talking about the pheasant jumped out of the bush.
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: My dog was like, he just sat.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: Like, you're supposed to point or something. Where's all the.
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: I'm waiting for all the thousands of years of development
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: to kick in.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: My dog was like, take me home. I want a treat.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: Fifth, I want to treat. I'm not out to fuck dads.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: Wipe my paws before I go in the house. My
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: dad didn't miss much. He grew up so damn country.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: And he had a shotgun that only shot two shots.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: You know, back out, back out. He gave me the
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: one that shoot 12. When I tell you I shot
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: all 12 and didn't hit a... The bird was right
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: in front of me. I was like, chik-bah, chik-bah, chik-bah, chik-bah.
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: My dad was like, stop. Bah.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: The bird going. My dog was like, I don't know
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: what the f * * * you expect me to do.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: But that f * * * ing bird just hit
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: the ground and you finish shooting me. You go pick
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: it up. I'm going to just sit right here. He's like,
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: go get the bird. What's a bird? What is a bird?
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: So we paid about $ 1, 200.
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: We were supposed to shoot about, I don't know, you're
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: supposed to get maybe 22 birds for that.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: And we only got that one.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: And apparently a couple of my shots did hit it,
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: but I didn't down it. So when we went to
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: take the feathers off, the goddamn bird looked like.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: A nine of diamonds. There were so many bullets. Anyway.
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: So we're like, we can't even take this bird, man.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: It's riddled with pellets. Put the dogs in the truck.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: We get ready to leave. We drive. It's night now.
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: We're driving down this little road to get to the
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: main street. And I bullshit you not, as we're driving out,
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: there is like 44 pheasants walking in a single file
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: line back to the goddamn barn. I said, they done
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: hustled us. They got us with these goddamn carrier pheasants.
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: So your deer, they just out there, they don't never
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: come in at night and eat with y'all?
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: They do, so they know to come back at night.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: So you running that same hustle. Yeah, you know, you know, yeah.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: You don't even want us to shoot the deer. You're like, well,
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: we got seven.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: If they kill any of them, we gonna be down
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: for the winter.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: So y'all doing good with that, the hunt the deer thing?
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: How many do y'all got?
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: 385? On how much land? Half acre. He's like, God damn,
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: ain't a lot of motherfuckers.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: Look at all these goddamn deers on this shit.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: You walking like Bambi.
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: 300 seems like a lot of deer. Is there a
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: name for that when there's that many of them? Like
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: a group of crows is a murder. What do you
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: call that many deer?
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: A group.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: That's a lot of deer. You want to call it
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: a John? That's for the white man. Just want to
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: throw that out there. And Nico, he's African.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: It's a John Deere.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: Y'all going to be open tomorrow? How far is it
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: from here? You drove three and a half hours? You
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: going back tonight?
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: You want to get finger banged? For three and a
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: half hours. I'll do it too.
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: My fingers look like I've been in a pool too long.
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: Got them hot tub hands. We got to get some deers. Yeah,
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: we about to get some deers.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah. The way we're looking at my hand like, oh
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: my God. It was nice to meet you. For sure.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: So let's talk to somebody else. Is this the Asian
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: lady that was hammered? The one behind you? Well, there's
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: two right back to back. Yeah. You okay, sweetheart? Yes? Okay.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: What kind of Asian are you? Why y'all laughing at that?
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: That's racist. There's different kinds of Asians I can ask.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: Dang.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: I'm going to see if she's my favorite kind. Are
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: you Viet? Is he translating? What is going.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: On? That means something to you?
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: She Filipino? Oh my bad. Nursing. Nursing. Doctor. Hospital. Phlebotomy. Nothing?
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: It was nice to meet you. That's the one that
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: you had to carry her in and all that. She's
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: been sobered up now. That's what's up. That's what's up.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: Where are my cousins at? Just out of curiosity. Okay.
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: Look at her like, let the lie go. She looked
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: at you like, are you really still on that? How
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: many of y'all did that? How many of y'all?
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: The last man, who else? Who's birthday is it? Happy birthday.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: Happy birthday. How young are you? Shut up. That's a
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: good birthday, too. You think you got the world in
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: your hand. You don't. Just wait.
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: Got to get through them 30s first, crack them 40s off,
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: and then it'll start slowly making sense. None of this
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: work really good till you're 50. I know because I
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: ain't 50 yet. I'm like, when is it going to
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: add up? So this your wifey right here?
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: Hello?
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: Hello?
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: Sir, ma'am, why'd you get quiet right away?
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: No.
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: No, sexy red right next to you. Is that you
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: right there? Huh? Right there. Sexy red. Is that, that's not, no?
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: Y'all not, is it too many people to talk about
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: that kind of shit? Y'all just friends in public, but
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: at home y'all be... Okay, I mind my business. What
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: you pointing at?
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: Your mama here? Let me tell you something.
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: Your mama already knows. I don't know who you think
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: you fooling. Your mama's like, get in here and shuck
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: these peas with me. You be like, I'm trying to who?
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: She be like, god damn it. How they made a
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: goddamn baby boy girl. Your mama know. You didn't even
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: Google like everybody else. Everybody else came out.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: You were like. God damn. Fuck. I'm born.
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: Doctor said it's a girl. You smack the doctor. Your
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: mama know. Mamas know. Ain't nothing to hide.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: Day together, mama.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: They're scissoring and eating each other out. Cash out the
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: bag now. Life's too short. Go introduce her to your mama. Mama,
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: this snack, snack, this mama.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: It's a snack. Who your mama with? She back there
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: on a date, too. Who your mama with?
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: I thought that was your girl. I'm like, your mama
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: out here getting in there with you again.
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: The whole goddamn family tree eating the limbs off of itself.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: I mean no disrespect, but this is life. Enjoy yourself, man.
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: Don't be worried about what other people think. This shit
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: going to end. Turn up while we're here. You want
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: to eat some? Eat it. Eat that rusty. If you
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: want to eat some, eat it. I don't mind if
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: I do. Be you and everybody else will adjust. That's
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: the secret to life. Now, I want to meet your mama. Mama,
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: how you doing, man?
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: Outstanding. And is this pastor behind you? That's your man?
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: He look like he's anointed in the word of the Lord.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: Sir, that's who's that to you? That's your blood daddy
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: and your stepdaddy? What? What?
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: You look like your mama, so I want to know
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: if he contributed to how you look. You don't do
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: step unless it's into the name of love. Bitch, you
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: out here falling. Step, step, side to side. Get some
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: pussy rough, thigh to thigh. It's nice to meet you, Mama.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: And sir, I'll stand. How long y'all been together? 25 years.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: Wow. Man, that's... You say you was 24?
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: They've been together 25 and that's not your blood, daddy.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: Mama.
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: Mama, we need to talk about our life. I know
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: that's right. She's pregnant and she look good. I don't
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: give a * * * *.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: That's a real man right there. He said, you need
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: to be a family member. Wow.
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: So how did y'all meet? Y'all was at church? Sir,
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: speak up for yourself at some point. Defend yourself, sir.
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: How did you get this woman with a 24-year-old daughter
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: you've been together 25 years?
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: You made it work.
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: And you liked her, huh? You liked her before she
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: started showing. You were like, God damn, somebody beat me.
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: That's how men look like. Yeah, somebody had to beat
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: me to this.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: And you still wanted you something. You're like, you know what?
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: That's my baby. I don't give a fuck what she doing.
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: It's just her plus one. I'm with it.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: I'm signing up. That's a real man right there, man.
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: Your daddy's solid. Hey, he's solid, man.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he's solid. I'm not asking you.
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: I'm telling you. I could tell. A good man when
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: I see one. Now, who else you with, mama, back there?
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: Is that the rest of the family?
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: Which one is she in? The white lady?
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: The white lady's like, hi. I'm Gretchen. I work at
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: the same place they work. We family.
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: When they cook, I bring the raisins. She said, gang gang,
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: I saw you. She said, I'll be outside with my
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: gang gang. So this your cousin right here hiding behind
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: the lady in the red.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: Hey sis, how you doing?
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: Outstanding. I like your sister. She got good in it.
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: She was laughing at this before anybody else. As soon
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: as you said 25, she was.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: Like, oh! He on your....
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: He about to make fun of everything we don't talk
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: about at Thanksgiving right now.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: Okay, so that's your cousin. That's your sister. Outstanding. It is.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: That's your daughter-in-law by way of eat out.
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. So go on over there and meet your new
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: mama and your daddy. He gonna accept you.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: He's with that. He accept. He like raising other people's kids.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: So go on over there. Say what's up to your daddy.
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: All right. Sis, what do you do?
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: I like how you got your layers. You got your
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: little colors and then you got a little on top
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: of that.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: Oh, wow.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: But what does that even mean? You counsel little kids?
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: You'd be like, go back to class. You don't want
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: to end up like me, working in an elementary school,
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: telling little kids. How do you even get that job?
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: You was helping out at the school. They're like, you
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: want an officer to come up.
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: Here at 9 to 5?
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: Like, how do you become an elementary school counselor? What
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: do they need counseling for? They crazy? They out here
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: eating everybody out. You ain't never sat your knees down
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: and talked about life?
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah. She said, he funny as hell. But we cousins already, bitch.
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: Let's move around. Hopefully we don't have to find out
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: family secrets no more.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean?
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: I would like to talk to that beautiful white lady
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: with the Christmas sweater on that says joy.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: How you doing? You look like you are a little
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: vice principal, but everybody likes you. What do you do
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: for a living, ma'am? Compliance analyst.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: So you just have a clipboard all day just writing
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: stuff down Okay, I do people like you like you
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: let them slide every now and then.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: Like get your chips together.
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, okay, and and who you with these people
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: laugh at you right when I pointed you out Shut up,
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: so this your daughter and her fiance you like him
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: all right sometimes you know you'd be like yeah Yeah,
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: she found somebody I didn't think she was going to
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: be able to do it, but she.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: So when y'all getting married, man? In March. Okay. That
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: motherfucker coming up. Okay. You got it planned already? Where
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: you going to get married at? Here in Princeton. Here
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: in Princeton?
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: Is that close?
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: Is that where you live with the deer? That's outside
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: of Plano? So you're outside of... It's Dallas.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: Okay, got it. Appreciate that. I needed that.
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: And I was like, where the fuck is that? Princeton
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: is a university. So is that a large community? I've
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: never heard of Princeton, Texas before. So you want a small,
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: quaint wedding? How many guests y'all going to have come out?
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: 80. That's all the white people you know. That's everybody.
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: There's going to be people you don't know. Who are you?
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: Your mom checked my chips. She let us fast.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, she's the chip checker. So we came on down.
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: We love you, chip-checking-ass mom.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: Nice. So how did y'all meet?
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: Just tell me your young love origin story, because they
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: met on the internet before it really was established. How
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: did you meet her, sir? Torchy's Tacos in San Antonio.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: She was just with some friends eating?
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: Nice.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: You're like, why don't y'all sit with us? She walked
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: across Torchy's. In your mind, you were like, love, something
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: I gotta tell you.
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: You took your next taco and just licked that down
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: the middle. But I'm afraid I don't have. Calm down,
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: calm down.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: She's like, oh, oh dear. Nothing rusty. On three, everybody say,
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: you rusty. One, two, three. Amen. Listen, I got to go,
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: but I had a ball with y'all, man. I love
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: y'all so much. I know y'all stay up.