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Bonus IMPROV - Why Are You Kissing Everything Back Here? · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  welcome to
• 0:18
  hell just kidding welcome to it's heaven
• 0:25
  Very, very fine friends.
• 0:31
  Purgatory episode.
• 0:34
  Bonus.
• 0:37
  Improv.
• 0:40
  I like the way you do that.
• 0:42
  Bonus.
• 0:44
  Sorry, he's talking about some kind of bonus content.
• 0:47
  Bonus content.
• 0:48
  I'm talking about, you don't talk about bonus content.
• 0:52
  It's rare.
• 0:53
  Okay.
• 0:54
  All right.
• 0:55
  We're going to do some bonus content.
• 0:57
  Joe,
• 0:58
  cure,
• 0:58
  cure us up with a suggestion.
• 1:00
  Joe,
• 1:01
  Joe,
• 1:02
  you have to give us a suggestion.
• 1:06
  It's your job.
• 1:08
  Oh,
• 1:09
  you're going to do your job.
• 1:12
  Okay.
• 1:13
  Your suggestion is counterfeit.
• 1:17
  Hmm.
• 1:17
  Hmm.
• 1:18
  Hmm.
• 1:20
  I always am amused by the fact that people still try to counterfeit money.
• 1:25
  I get it.
• 1:26
  I mean,
• 1:27
  I get it,
• 1:28
  but it's like,
• 1:29
  I don't catch you.
• 1:31
  Yeah,
• 1:31
  you're not getting away with that.
• 1:32
  I feel like I get the impulse to like be financially free.
• 1:36
  Yeah.
• 1:39
  Also,
• 1:39
  if you're putting all this effort on counterfeiting,
• 1:42
  there's got to be some sort of project manager job that would be good for
• 1:45
  you.
• 1:47
  When I was a kid,
• 1:49
  one of my dad's friends was doing that was counterfeiting.
• 1:53
  Yeah.
• 1:54
  Yeah. Whoa. Project managing.
• 2:01
  Rapid. Yeah, they were like just photocopying money like and I found this
• 2:07
  out because like they were babysitting me and I heard them talking to someone
• 2:11
  else and she was like, look, she's like it looks like real money. And even as a
• 2:15
  kid, I was like, oh, never gonna see her again. And you didn't. I don't remember.
• 2:22
  I mean, probably after a while now, like here's a fuzzy naval kid. Yeah,
• 2:25
  yeah, I got a fake money. Yeah, but they were doing like,
• 2:29
  like hundreds and it like you can like like you so dumb You can start with hundreds I know you got to start with like ones right
• 2:41
  Because no one's,
• 2:42
  no one's getting a pen out for a dollar bill,
• 2:44
  right?
• 2:44
  They do all the extra security on the hundred to start by printing an overdue
• 2:48
  bill that you haven't paid.
• 2:50
  Then you work your way up to actual cash.
• 2:53
  Yep.
• 2:54
  Stay tuned for our next layer of bonus content.
• 2:59
  It's a little more instructive.
• 3:00
  Shall we say?
• 3:01
  Hmm.
• 3:02
  Hmm.
• 3:03
  Counterfeiting pennies.
• 3:06
  What do you mean they don't take these anymore?
• 3:09
  They're going to have to keep taking them.
• 3:11
  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 3:12
  I'm just going to.
• 3:13
  Oh, they'll take them.
• 3:14
  Oh, they'll take them.
• 3:15
  Do you pick up quarters or coins that you find?
• 3:19
  Depends on the coin.
• 3:22
  I guess.
• 3:26
  Just quarters for me.
• 3:27
  I don't really find a lot of coins.
• 3:31
  I don't notice them if they're around.
• 3:36
  You don't go rummaging in people's coin closets.
• 3:39
  The queen closets.
• 3:42
  Coin closet.
• 3:45
  Sounds like a misinterpreted vagina.
• 3:48
  Yeah.
• 3:50
  One that could fit a coat.
• 3:55
  Do you pick up coins?
• 3:59
  No.
• 4:00
  I used to, but then I heard someone say that it's like,
• 4:03
  it's like, I don't use this term negatively,
• 4:08
  but it's like very lack-minded
• 4:13
  to pick up coins off the ground.
• 4:18
  You're like desperate for a coin.
• 4:22
  Here's the thing about me. Once I have a thought about something,
• 4:25
  it's like if I see the server pouring my water and he touches the
• 4:28
  like the craft to my glass.
• 4:30
  I'm like,
• 4:31
  I don't want that now.
• 4:32
  Once I have the idea of it,
• 4:34
  I like make up my mind and I can't go back.
• 4:40
  You know,
• 4:41
  why can't the craft touch your glass?
• 4:43
  Because if they do that to me,
• 4:44
  they're doing it to other people,
• 4:45
  which means I'm drinking other people's lips.
• 4:48
  I don't know.
• 4:49
  That's a hard thing to transfer.
• 4:51
  No,
• 4:52
  what if they're hot?
• 4:54
  Well,
• 4:54
  they're not showing me pictures.
• 4:55
  We call it.
• 4:56
  Is it okay?
• 4:57
  Would you like to,
• 4:58
  by the transitive property,
• 4:59
  kiss this gentleman.
• 5:02
  You know.
• 5:03
  It's like when,
• 5:04
  you know,
• 5:04
  it's just,
• 5:05
  you know.
• 5:05
  Okay.
• 5:08
  And now improv Um sir Sir
• 5:19
  Um, sorry, you're not supposed to be back in this area.
• 5:21
  This area is for the servers only.
• 5:23
  Ooh, ooh.
• 5:24
  And you're definitely not supposed to be...
• 5:28
  Can I touch this?
• 5:29
  No, uh, yeah, no.
• 5:32
  No, no, what? I'm sorry, why are you...
• 5:34
  Did I pee in this?
• 5:35
  No, don't, why would you? No.
• 5:38
  What's wrong? Why are you interrupting me?
• 5:40
  Why are you doing this?
• 5:41
  Why are you kissing everything back here?
• 5:44
  Why not?
• 5:46
  Because it's weird.
• 5:48
  No, no, no.
• 5:49
  My father taught me this.
• 5:52
  What?
• 5:52
  He said, when you go into a restaurant and you really like it,
• 5:56
  you got to go in the back and claim it, he said.
• 5:59
  He said, it's your territory.
• 6:01
  He said, kiss it, touch it, piss on it.
• 6:05
  He said, love it.
• 6:06
  oh is this your soda gun yeah it's yes it's my so look how far i could put it in my mouth
• 6:13
  no no oh no which one's soda water i hate that one it's it doesn't matter now
• 6:22
  oh i can't use that again it'll never be clean again where's your butter
• 6:27
  oh i'm not telling you that now now that i know what you're gonna do with it you don't know what
• 6:34
  i'm gonna do oh what are you gonna do what all right fine here here's the butter
• 6:39
  oh i knew it oh i'm gonna take it from my hand and put it right on bread
• 6:46
  and then let's bring it to someone i what what do you would then then what what are they what
• 6:55
  are you gonna tell them that you you did this or is it like your little secret okay you see all
• 6:59
  this butter on my hand yeah walk out to let's go to one of your tables okay okay here we are
• 7:07
  hi yeah do you see this butter on my hand yeah it's quite a lot of butter lick it off
• 7:13
  are you sure yeah i'm sure i mean only if you think i'm hot
• 7:17
  oh oh there you go that good okay oh that tickles
• 7:23
  that's enough thank you sir you've proved a point what what where are you going hot stuff
• 7:34
  i'll be back i nope i've marked you you can't keep oh i see what you did i looked i licked your
• 7:40
  hand and now you mine i marked you excuse me server what your policy on straddling guests um it typically frowned upon but not against the rules I going to get on It never happened Oh I fit
• 7:54
  Oh, that's why I marked you.
• 7:56
  If I fit, say sits. That's the
• 7:58
  saying cats say.
• 8:00
  Wait, say it again. If I fit, say sits.
• 8:03
  You know how cats
• 8:04
  go in boxes?
• 8:07
  I do.
• 8:08
  I know that about cats.
• 8:10
  Sorry, I'm getting a little butter in your hair, but you
• 8:12
  don't mind. I don't mind at all.
• 8:14
  Yeah. I don't mind at all.
• 8:16
  Oh, this is nice.
• 8:18
  Want me to feed you?
• 8:20
  I thought you'd never ask.
• 8:22
  Okay, I'm going to just say it.
• 8:24
  This is the weirdest shift
• 8:26
  I've ever had.
• 8:27
  Oh, you're feeding him
• 8:30
  soup with your hands. Yeah, I can make a
• 8:32
  bowl with my hands.
• 8:34
  I'm going to slurp that up.
• 8:36
  Oh, my God.
• 8:38
  It tastes extra good from the extra
• 8:40
  butter on your cat.
• 8:41
  I am a cat in this scenario.
• 8:44
  could you leave ma'am no i can't leave i can't i'm sorry i'm sorry i i feel like i need to step
• 8:51
  in and do something about this this is can't be sanitary you've got to be breaking a lot of
• 8:59
  health code violations oh no no my father taught me um you just go to the health department
• 9:05
  and you just smack everyone around.
• 9:12
  That can't be the only salute.
• 9:15
  No, that can't work.
• 9:17
  I looked up this restaurant
• 9:18
  and I saw who your food inspector was
• 9:19
  and I went over there and I just went to town
• 9:22
  left, right, left, right, beat them, beat them bloody.
• 9:25
  And at the end of it, they were like,
• 9:27
  that was hot.
• 9:29
  You should see what I did over there.
• 9:30
  I made quite a mess.
• 9:32
  But you didn't block that food inspector more than me, right?
• 9:36
  Oh, my God.
• 9:37
  No.
• 9:37
  Well, we have a special.
• 9:38
  Okay.
• 9:39
  You want a shrimp?
• 9:41
  I sure do.
• 9:42
  Feed it to me with your toes.
• 9:43
  Here it is.
• 9:44
  Hold on.
• 9:45
  Shrimp toes.
• 9:45
  Yeah.
• 9:46
  Oh, that's so funny.
• 9:48
  Oh, you went tail first.
• 9:50
  I did.
• 9:50
  Can you get it off?
• 9:52
  Don't joke.
• 9:52
  No, it's a little party trick I do.
• 9:55
  Look.
• 9:55
  Oh, wow.
• 9:55
  It's like tying a cherry stem with your teeth.
• 9:59
  I can detail a shrimp.
• 10:00
  It's so just my mouth.
• 10:02
  My God,
• 10:02
  that's hot.
• 10:04
  When's your wife going to stop staring at us?
• 10:09
  And scene.